Jay Shetty Podcast

“If You Can’t Move On After a Breakup THIS Is Exactly What I’d Tell You to Do” with Jay Shetty

Do you still think about your ex a lot? What’s been the hardest part of moving on? Today, Jay shares a heartfelt and practical guide for anyone moving through heartbreak. He explains that the pain of a breakup often comes from more than just losing someone, but it’s grieving the life we imagined with them and the version of ourselves we felt when we were loved. Jay walks through seven clear steps to help listeners begin their healing journey. From gaining clarity to quieting the overthinking spiral and finding your own closure, he offers real, actionable tools to help you move forward. Jay reminds listeners that you’re not missing them, you’re missing the idea of them. And that pain doesn’t mean the relationship was meant to be, it means you cared. In this episode, you'll learn: How to Stop Romanticizing the Past How to Stop Blaming Yourself How to Rebuild After a Breakup How to Trust Yourself Again How to Know It Wasn’t Love Healing is possible even if it doesn't feel like it right now. It’s not about getting back to who you were before, it’s about becoming someone stronger, wiser, and more self-aware. With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 00:53 Are You Heartbroken? 03:18 Step #1: Let Go of the Fantasy You Created 07:08 The Three Most Important Things in a Relationship 08:45 Step #2: Stop the Obsession Spiral 13:39 Step #3: Kill the Narrative that It Was Your Fault 17:28 Step #4: Find Closure On Your Own Terms 19:42 Step #5: Feeling Pain Doesn't Mean It Was Meant to Be 21:37 Step #6: Redirect Your Energy 22:18 Step #7: Stop Waiting to Feel Ready Episode Resources: https://www.instagram.com/jayshetty https://www.facebook.com/jayshetty/ https://x.com/jayshetty https://www.linkedin.com/in/shettyjay/ https://www.youtube.com/@JayShettyPodcast http://jayshetty.me

JSJay Shettyhost

Jun 20, 2025·24m·Watch on YouTube ↗

📖 CHAPTERS

1. 1

   Why breakups hit so hard: rejection, self-blame, and ignored red flags

   Jay opens with a direct reality check: many people ignore red flags because being chosen feels safer than being alone. He frames this episode as practical, no-nonsense breakup guidance rooted in what he’s seeing from friends and listeners in real time.

2. 2

   You’re grieving (not just missing them): remove the “fairy tale filter”

   He reframes heartbreak as grief: you’re mourning the imagined future, the person you thought they were, and the version of you that existed in the relationship. Healing starts when you stop grieving the fantasy and start acknowledging reality.

3. 3

   Step 1 — Let go of the fantasy: facts over nostalgia

   Jay explains “rosy retrospection”—the brain’s tendency to romanticize the past after rejection. He urges writing down what actually happened (actions, inactions, patterns) to replace fantasy with truth.

4. 4

   What a healthy relationship requires: safe, seen, and supported

   He offers a simple diagnostic for relationship quality: did you feel safe, seen, and supported (and did you offer the same)? Many heartbreak stories, he notes, reveal that two of the three were missing—even if the future plans sounded great.

5. 5

   Step 2 — Stop the obsession spiral: interrupt the rumination loop

   Repeating the story is normal at first—like a washing machine cycle that helps the brain process. But staying stuck becomes harmful, and you must consciously break the loop before it erodes your mental health and keeps the ex psychologically “alive.”

6. 6

   Break the triggers: social media, objects, places, and sensory cues

   Jay gives blunt behavioral advice: stop checking their feed and stop “decoding” signs. He expands beyond social media to include playlists, photos, scents, clothing, and locations—anything that reactivates the chemical bond and reopens the wound.

7. 7

   Step 3 — Kill the ‘it was all my fault’ story (negativity bias)

   When you don’t get closure, the brain manufactures one—often by blaming you. Jay emphasizes balanced responsibility: learn from mistakes without carrying the entire relationship’s failure alone.

8. 8

   Trust yourself more than the relationship story: why red flags get ignored

   He pivots from “how do I trust others?” to “how do I trust myself?” Jay lists common reasons people tolerate warning signs—validation, fear, optics, potential, and the belief that love must hurt.

9. 9

   Step 4 — Create closure on your terms with a ritual

   Waiting for an ex to provide closure keeps you powerless and stuck. Jay recommends symbolic closure rituals that signal to your nervous system that the chapter is over and that you’re choosing forward motion.

10. 10

    Replace the old bond with new emotion, not a new person

    Jay argues that what you crave is often the emotional state the relationship provided—not the person themselves. Healing accelerates when you intentionally build new experiences and connections that generate new feelings and patterns.

11. 11

    Step 5 — Pain isn’t proof you were meant to be

    He dismantles the idea that intensity equals destiny. Emotional pain feels physical, but that doesn’t validate the relationship; it validates that you cared and are capable of love.

12. 12

    Step 6 — Redirect your energy ruthlessly (turn heartbreak into fuel)

    Heartbreak can unlock powerful drive if you channel it outward instead of inward. Jay recommends redesigning your environment and committing to growth actions that convert breakdown energy into momentum.

13. 13

    Step 7 — Don’t wait to feel ready: rebuild identity and act now

    After a breakup, you face an ‘identity gap’—you lost who you were with them and who you thought you’d become. Jay closes by urging immediate action: pick something that’s yours and start becoming the next version of you today.