If You Want To MANIFEST Your Dreams In 2023, WATCH THIS! | Ed Mylett & Jay Shetty

Ed Mylett 0:00 You know, one thing that occurs to me is that oftentimes in our life, our dreams don't show up in the package we thought they'd show up in. Oftentimes, even who, who you end up eventually falling in love with might not be the person you pictured when you were 10 years old or 14 years old.

Jay Shetty 0:12 Def- yeah. So we're gonna dive straight in, and I wanna talk about this baseball career.

Ed Mylett 0:16 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 0:17 Because I feel like every kid has a dream.

Ed Mylett 0:20 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 0:20 My dream was to be a soccer player or a football player, but I don't think I ever got serious enough to ever even really consider it. How serious were you, and how snatched did it feel?

Ed Mylett 0:29 Wow, great question. I was very serious. I ... Probably in my mind I was a little bit, bit player than, a better player than I thought I was. But I got a chance to... I got drafted to play professionally, and I went to college to play at a, a top level program, and, uh, kind of a catastrophic injury happened. Now, I always say, things happen for you, not to you. I think probably what it did is it prematurely ended something that might have ended eventually anyway, but it was, uh, devastating to me at the time. I really never conceived of doing anything other than play baseball. And then, uh, I was hit by a pitch, tumor formed on my leg. They had to take part of my leg with it. It's actually grown back. It's been in my leg now for about 30 years, this, this new version of the tumor, um, benign. But it, it altered the direction of my life. Like many people, my first dream w- just literally died. And, uh, it knocked me back and, uh, it took me a little while before I recovered from it, for sure.

Jay Shetty 1:19 I mean, now when you're talking about it, it sounds like, you know, you pushed through it, but-

Ed Mylett 1:22 Mm-hmm

Jay Shetty 1:22 ... when you go through that first moment of, like, your dream collapsing-

Ed Mylett 1:26 Mm

Jay Shetty 1:26 ... and you're back at that age, how old were you?

Ed Mylett 1:28 I moved back in with my parents when I was 23.

Jay Shetty 1:30 Right.

Ed Mylett 1:31 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:31 So you're 23 years old.

Ed Mylett 1:32 Yes.

Jay Shetty 1:33 And I'm sure there are people listening and watching right now who are having their first dream is either dying, about to die, or has already died.

Ed Mylett 1:40 Yes.

Jay Shetty 1:40 What does it take to dream a second time?

Ed Mylett 1:43 Wow. No, no one's ever asked me that before, 'cause I felt like I, I felt like my life that I thought I was going to have was over, and I know a lot of people feel like that. Go through a divorce, you know, or they're going through a bankruptcy or something, or you think it's over. Um, what it took for me was to find my actual home, my actual passions in my life. And I thought what I wanted was to be rich and famous and successful and all of those things, but a great c- you know, a convergence of experiences happened that put me in a position where I was humbled, but I got a chance to serve other people for really the first time. When you're an athlete, everybody kinda caters to you, how great you are, you know. You move to the front of lines in life and all that, and all of a sudden I couldn't even get in the line. And I got a job at a place called McKinley Home for Boys. That's ano- a story we probably should tell them.

Jay Shetty 2:30 Yes, 100%.

Ed Mylett 2:31 That, that just altered my life. But what changed for me was finding a path where I served others, like literally took my unique gifts, which I have a couple. Every human being's born, in my opinion, with a couple unique blessings and gifts. I had a few. Ironically, they weren't being used on a baseball field. And, and frankly, you know what? You and I have talked about this off camera. You know what I think? I think that was not my dream.

Jay Shetty 2:54 Mm.

Ed Mylett 2:54 I think that was a dream I sort of picked up somewhere from Mom and Dad or TV or somewhere else-

Jay Shetty 3:00 Right

Ed Mylett 3:00 ... that, that I went, "You know, I... That looks like it would be a dream." But it really wasn't something that was mine, it was more like modeling someone else's.

Jay Shetty 3:08 Yeah.

Ed Mylett 3:09 And so I don't know that ironically that it was my dream. It was something that kinda got given to me that I just sorta took and ran with, and I was decent at it, and I got close to having it, but failed.

Jay Shetty 3:19 Yeah, it's crazy.

Ed Mylett 3:19 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 3:19 These adopted dreams that we have, right?

Ed Mylett 3:21 Very well said.

Jay Shetty 3:22 You just, you just adopt them from other people.

Ed Mylett 3:23 Yes.

Jay Shetty 3:23 And, and I love you putting it that way because I think for everyone listening and watching, just, just take a note of what Ed's saying. What he's saying is that actually what you're chasing may not be what you wanna chase, and it may have been planted from someone. Actually, you may not even know your real skills and passions, and that could start there. So I love that. And y- Oh, go on. What? Yeah.

Ed Mylett 3:40 No, what I was gonna say was that I think I wasn't intentional about what I really wanted. I thought, "Well, if I play baseball..." You know what I really wanted? I wanted to be happier. Like, if you really get down to it, I w- I wanted to be happier. And I thought, "Well, if I make professional baseball, then I'll be happier." And I think a lot of people, you know, they think they want these things, but if you really strip it down, at least for me, I just wanted to be happier. I wanted to be more fulfilled. And I thought baseball would get me that, 'cause these guys look pretty happy.

Jay Shetty 4:08 Yeah.

Ed Mylett 4:08 You know? And it was a childhood dream that I carried with me into adulthood. But as I became a little bit older, bro, I was like, you know what really fulfills me? You know what really makes me happy? Not hitting a round ball with a wooden bat-

Jay Shetty 4:20 [laughs]

Ed Mylett 4:20 ... over someone's head.

Jay Shetty 4:21 Yeah.

Ed Mylett 4:21 It's actually making a difference for another human being. And I'll be honest with you, it shocked me, because I really had never even conceived that that would be something that would fulfill me.

Jay Shetty 4:31 Yeah.

Ed Mylett 4:31 You know, why would that fulfill me? Working with kids or making... No one knows. It's not on TV. Nobody broadcasts it. You don't get a lot of money for doing it. Why would that be a dream?

Jay Shetty 4:39 Yeah.

Ed Mylett 4:39 Yet it's the thing that filled me up more than anything I've ever done in my life to this day.

Jay Shetty 4:43 Yeah. Yeah, that's incredible.

Ed Mylett 4:44 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 4:44 That's, that's, that's absolutely phenomenal. And you mentioned there, and I really wanted to dive into this, the trajectory of your life transformed when you helped at this home for disadvantaged boys.

Ed Mylett 4:54 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 4:55 And I'm like, I'm fascinated by how that first of all even came about into your life, because I'm thinking as a young person, who, who thinks about going to help and support and serve?

Ed Mylett 5:05 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 5:05 Tell me about how you got there and what you learned about the challenges that, the patterns that you saw in the boys and what they experienced.

Ed Mylett 5:13 Wonderful. You know, one thing that occurs to me is that oftentimes in our life, our dreams don't show up in the package we thought they'd show up in.

Jay Shetty 5:20 Oh, so good.

Ed Mylett 5:21 You know? And I, I really, I... It just occurred to me as you were saying it. Like, that was not a dream that in any way I thought would be a package I would uncover. Oftentimes even who, who you end up eventually falling in love with might not be the person you pictured when you were 10 years old or 14 years old.

Jay Shetty 5:34 Def- yeah.

Ed Mylett 5:35 Dreams show up, even my other careers, other businesses, they, they weren't things I really thought I would be doing, right? They show up in unique packages. But everything happens for you and not to you, and I just fundamentally believe that. And I grew up, my dad's my best friend now, but my dad was an alcoholic while I was a child.

Jay Shetty 5:50 Mm, gosh.

Ed Mylett 5:51 And, um, ironically, my dad's drinking in many ways, his alcoholism happened for me and not to me, although it's so hard to understand that when you're a little boy and you have all this chaos and anxiety in your life, and fear is what having an alcoholic family member can do for you. But one thing I gave you, give you three things it gave me. Number one, when my dad would come home, when he would, I'd have to deduce really quickly- I have to look at him and be present. Which dad am I getting? Am I getting happy, sober dad who wants to play with me, or am I getting drunk, kind of angry, disconnected, mean dad?

Jay Shetty 6:25 Wow.

Ed Mylett 6:25 And so I built these skills as a young man because of my dad's drinking, of being present with people and assessing them really, and that's, that's a unique thing that I developed because my dad drank. Second thing that happened was my dad got sober. He's at an AA meeting. I'm now living back at his house as a grown man, and he comes back from the AA meeting, first AA meeting, first sobriety meeting and says, "Hey, I got you a job. You're getting off the bed tomorrow morning. Get down to McKinley Home for Boys." I said, "What is that?" He goes, "I don't know, but I got you a job at six bucks an hour. Show up 6:00 AM." I walk in the door at that 6:00 AM meeting. I said, "I'm here for the job." "What is it?" I said, "I have no idea. My dad sent me here." This is where my life changes. Grown man, college degree, my dad sent me here. "What are you supposed to be doing here?" I said, "I have no idea." "Come back when you know. Do you even know who referred you?" I said, "Well, his name's Tim, I think my dad said." I get to the door, and they're like, "Come back." And I said, "Well, I think he's an alcoholic 'cause he was at an AA meeting with my dad last night." And they go, "Oh, drunk Tim, Cottage 8." I'm like, "Holy crap." And I walk down to Cottage 8, and all the boys, there's eight... There's 10 boys there, all 8 to 10 years old, getting ready for school, and I open the door, and the whole room stops, and they all stop and stare at me. And little did I know in that moment my life would change. I became their father, their big brother. I went trick-or-treating. I was there for Christmas. I'd do their homework with them. As a young man, athlete full of ego, I was humbled that I needed to s- I'm getting chills. I had to serve these boys. And the third thing my dad's drinking did for me is it equipped me for that moment.

Jay Shetty 7:56 Wow.

Ed Mylett 7:56 Because these boys all had the same anxiety. They were wards of the court. Their parents were dead, incarcerated, or had molested them. And so although I didn't have that kind of anxiety-

Jay Shetty 8:05 Wow

Ed Mylett 8:05 ... I knew what it was like to be a little 8-year-old boy and be fearful and be scared, and I could connect with them based on that. And so ironically the entire time, God, the universe, life was equipping and preparing me for that moment. If my dad's not an alcoholic, I don't learn to assess people. He's not at the AA meeting that refers me, and I can't connect with these boys when I get there. And so eventually in life, the dots all connect if you stay vigilant and you stay after it, and in th- that moment, my life changed.

Jay Shetty 8:34 That is unbelievable.

Ed Mylett 8:35 Yeah. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 8:35 Like, to, to have that responsibility-

Ed Mylett 8:38 Mm-hmm

Jay Shetty 8:38 ... to be a dad, to be a friend, to be a brother to all these kids-

Ed Mylett 8:42 Mm-hmm

Jay Shetty 8:43 ... at that age in your life-

Ed Mylett 8:44 Correct

Jay Shetty 8:44 ... when you're trying to find yourself-

Ed Mylett 8:46 Yes

Jay Shetty 8:46 ... and you've just had this massive failure-

Ed Mylett 8:48 Mm-hmm

Jay Shetty 8:48 ... and to have the emotional intelligence. I mean, what you just said about what you learned from your father is such a beautiful learning point for everyone out there. It's like the lessons you learned just gave you emotional intelligence.

Ed Mylett 9:00 It did, and what happened-

Jay Shetty 9:01 So-

Ed Mylett 9:01 ... it was so funny you say that because I remember thinking, "I don't know anything about being a big brother or a dad or, or those things." And oftentimes when our dream starts to show up, we start saying that to ourselves. "I'm not ready. I'm not prepared. I don't have this experience. I, h- they're gonna figure out I don't even know what I'm doing." But the truth is there were a lot of things in my life that equipped me for that moment, that made that moment mine, and that... And the difference was, bro, is that you know what? When you get obsessed, I really believe this 'cause I've tried to practice it since that time the last 30 years or so, like if I'll really get out of myself and get into the other person, in total service of them, there's a wisdom in the universe that sort of guides you in the right direction, you drawing upon previous experiences that you didn't even know were preparing you for these moments, and I got pretty good at it. And those boys, some of them have stayed in my life to this day.

Jay Shetty 9:48 Oh, wow.

Ed Mylett 9:48 I lo- oh, I loved it, bro. Like, I loved it. When I eventually had to leave there 'cause my financial business had taken off, I stayed many, many months longer than I should have financially because I just loved being with these boys, it, 'cause it was my home.

Jay Shetty 10:01 Yeah.

Ed Mylett 10:02 I finally found my calling in my life, which was-

Jay Shetty 10:04 Yeah

Ed Mylett 10:04 ... to kind of make a difference in other people's lives. And since that time, I haven't been happy every day of my life. I've had all kinds of trials and tribulations, but I do kinda know my recipe to find it, and it's always getting outside of myself. It's always making a difference. This is why I do my show and why you do things like this too.

Jay Shetty 10:21 That is, that's so powerful, man.

Ed Mylett 10:22 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 10:22 That's, that's... And now you are a father.

Ed Mylett 10:24 I am a father.

Jay Shetty 10:25 Now you have a daughter called Bella.

Ed Mylett 10:26 I, that's right.

Jay Shetty 10:27 Right?

Ed Mylett 10:27 Bella, my 16-year-old, yes.

Jay Shetty 10:28 Yeah. Tell me about the last thing that she taught you about yourself.

Ed Mylett 10:33 Oh, humility. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 10:34 [laughs]

Ed Mylett 10:35 Dad is no big deal, right? So we, uh-

Jay Shetty 10:37 Yeah

Ed Mylett 10:37 ... she's [laughs] I'll give you it.

Jay Shetty 10:39 Yeah.

Ed Mylett 10:39 She's regularly letting me know that I'm in a midlife crisis.

Jay Shetty 10:42 [laughs]

Ed Mylett 10:43 So you're... She's 16, but she's constantly... I'm like, "What do you mean I'm in a midlife crisis?" She's like, "Come on, Dad, the beard, Instagram, you know, all the videos."

Jay Shetty 10:50 [laughs]

Ed Mylett 10:50 "All these famous friends."

Jay Shetty 10:52 I mean, her dad's doing really well on Instagram.

Ed Mylett 10:53 I'm doing okay.

Jay Shetty 10:54 So that's cool, huh?

Ed Mylett 10:54 When, when, when you have children, they just want-

Jay Shetty 10:56 Yeah

Ed Mylett 10:56 ... they just, they just love you, and they know all your weaknesses. But what I told her, it sounds cheesy, I said, "I am in a midlife crisis."

Jay Shetty 11:02 Yeah.

Ed Mylett 11:02 "But before you were born, I was in a young life crisis. I'm in a crisis literally to get this best version of me to the next one." When your... I, my son was little. We're at a car wash. The same man was there every week, and he, he read the newspaper back in those days, a million years ago.

Jay Shetty 11:17 [laughs]

Ed Mylett 11:17 And he said to me one day, he goes, "How old's your boy?" And he s- I said, "He's, he's six." And he goes, "Well, enjoy the six-year-old because when he turns seven, the six-year-old's gone forever. And when he turns eight, the seven-year-old's gone."

Jay Shetty 11:28 Wow.

Ed Mylett 11:28 And I remember thinking to myself, and I didn't mean to be rude to him 'cause it's so true if you have children, they replace themselves. Every year they're a new person literally. And I said to him, "Sir, when did that stop for you, that change?" And he just sort of stared back at me. He goes, "I don't know." I said, "You should think about that." And it hit me that the 48-year-old me, that there should be a brand-new man at 49, and the 48-year-old should be gone forever.

Jay Shetty 11:51 Wow.

Ed Mylett 11:51 The 24-year-old listening to this, when you turn 25, that 24-year-old should be gone just like your six-year-old version, your seven-year-old version. But something happens in our life, brother, at some age where that progression, that growth begins to become stunted, when we start to get affected with all these insecurities and worries and just life starts, we think, happening to us. And when we believe that, that process stops, and 25's a lot like 26. 26 is a lot like 29. And you wake up, and you go, "Man, it's been five years of the same chapters of the same book of my life."

Jay Shetty 12:23 Yeah.

Ed Mylett 12:24 Right? Yeah.

Jay Shetty 12:24 That is so powerful. You've just hit, hit a light bulb for me. It's like when we're young, we actually want change.

Ed Mylett 12:30 Correct.

Jay Shetty 12:30 We're excited about getting older. We're excited about going to college. We're, we're, we're excited about change.

Ed Mylett 12:35 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 12:35 And as we get older, we get scared of change.

Ed Mylett 12:38 Very true.

Jay Shetty 12:38 We start going, "I don't want to change anymore. I want life to just stay this way."

Ed Mylett 12:41 Yes.

Jay Shetty 12:42 And I love what you're saying about the death of the last year and the birth of the new, and-

Ed Mylett 12:46 Amen

Jay Shetty 12:46 ... the constant changing and the crisis. Tell me about when did you feel comfortable? Like what you were saying, that these boys became your life.

Ed Mylett 12:53 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 12:53 But then you also realized that you weren't stable and supported financially and had to build.

Ed Mylett 12:59 Yes.

Jay Shetty 12:59 When? Because I think so many people are like that. They've found something that they like doing or they love and they're passionate about it, but they don't know when to distance. How did you feel confident and comfortable to say to yourself, "Okay, I've done this. It's always gonna be important to me, but I need to take care of me"?

Ed Mylett 13:14 Very difficult decision. By the way, I, you know I'm such a giant fan of yours and the things that you teach, and I've told you your, your content grips me. I watch it from beginning to end. So I think you're more eloquent about this probably than I would be. But, uh, what I realized was that there was a recipe of things that made me happy, kind of a hot button thing. If... When I was younger, for you to get me to do something, you had to link it to significance and recognition. "If you do this, people will clap. If you do this, it'll get you money." And I realized what moves me is contribution. Contribution and growth is what moves me. And so when this financial business approached me, I was not interested in it. I'm terrible at math. I didn't like salespeople. I was not interested in that industry at all. And they convinced me that I was making a difference in other people's lives, which I was, and the one thing all my boys had in common were families in financial disarray. Every boy, and this was a campus of group homes, by the way, hundreds of boys, every single one of them came from families in some form of financial disarray. And I believe to this day that the way that I could best serve these children long term was to somehow begin to serve the people that are supposed to be raising them. And so I decided over time, I convinced myself, that that service was being taken to another level. I know my formula. I know my intention. My intention is to serve. It's like for you, I do my show. It's, it's free. I do it because I want to make a difference for other people, and not because of reciprocity, as you say so well. There's a reciprocal effect for sure, but I do it because I feel like that's sup- it's who I'm supposed to be. It's my home, is to make a difference in these other people. So that was a very hard choice. To this day, if I talk too long about it, I get a little bit emotional because I remember the day where I told the boys, and it was a very difficult day. But I do feel like since then, the last 25 years, I've, I've made a little bit of a difference in adults' lives now-

Jay Shetty 15:01 Absolutely, man

Ed Mylett 15:01 ... for their children.

Jay Shetty 15:02 And if everyone's, if you haven't yet listened to Ed's podcast, make sure you go over and listen to it. He has phenomenal guests, and more importantly, you get more of this man's amazing energy. It's called the Max Out Your Life podcast. Make sure you go check it out, after listening to this, obviously.

Ed Mylett 15:16 [laughs] Thank you.

Jay Shetty 15:16 After, after... But please, please, please go listen to it, because you'll get to see how service is so deeply ingrained into everything he's talking about.

Ed Mylett 15:22 Thank you.

Jay Shetty 15:23 Uh, tell me, Ed, like, where is it that you... I've heard you say this before, and I love this statement, and, and I think it's so powerful.

Ed Mylett 15:31 Mm.

Jay Shetty 15:31 You talk about being blissfully, right?

Ed Mylett 15:33 Yes.

Jay Shetty 15:34 Dissatisfied.

Ed Mylett 15:35 Correct. Yeah.

Jay Shetty 15:36 That's like, I love oxymorons-

Ed Mylett 15:38 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 15:38 ... and I love paradoxes.

Ed Mylett 15:39 Right.

Jay Shetty 15:39 And when I hear you say, "Blissfully dissatisfied," I'm like, that's the kind of life that sounds real.

Ed Mylett 15:44 It is real.

Jay Shetty 15:44 Like that, that's what... Yeah, so tell us about living a life that is blissfully dissatisfied.

Ed Mylett 15:49 Okay. Sure. So I think that, uh, we all want bliss. We all want happiness. But what a lot of us conflate, and I used to, all of my content's for me-

Jay Shetty 15:57 Exactly

Ed Mylett 15:57 ... number one, by the way. Everything I teach is stuff that I need to work on or I need to learn.

Jay Shetty 16:01 Oh, tell me about it.

Ed Mylett 16:01 Like, right? Like everything, right?

Jay Shetty 16:02 Tell me about it.

Ed Mylett 16:03 So blissful dissatisfaction means don't conflate happiness and satisfaction. They're two different things. Most people confuse them. They think they're the same. And so I think the happiest people I know is... A mistake I see people make is they're gonna delay their happiness. I will give my per- self permission to feel bliss when I get to the house, when I get the promotion, when I find a relationship, and they delay it thinking that I gotta wait for this future destination. The challenge is you're going to bring you with you to your beach house, and I can tell you because I've been there. You can be in the most beautiful places in the world, but if you don't enjoy your own company, if you don't love yourself, you are not gonna love the building that you're housed in. You have to love yourself. The second thing is achievers, people that really listen to a lot of your content too, they think, "Well, if I let myself enjoy this right now, I'm gonna, I'm gonna lose all my drive and ambition."

Jay Shetty 16:51 Yeah.

Ed Mylett 16:51 'Cause they confuse happiness. They think, "Well, my formula so far is I don't really enjoy myself, and that keeps my drive alive." Nothing could be further from the truth. What you're doing is you're robbing your brain of dopamine when you don't celebrate your victories, when you don't enjoy it, and you are heading right towards a place called burnout if you don't celebrate and enjoy and have bliss in your life. But a lot of achievers wrongfully believe this, and I used to believe it. I was sort of miserable. I was building a house. I'll tell you where the breakthrough was. We were building a dream home, and I ended up coming there. They're, they were f- they were inside working on it, and I walked in. I was angry this day, mad about business and mad something about the house and, and all of the men working on my home were these beautiful, um, Latin men. Their music's playing.

Jay Shetty 17:29 [laughs]

Ed Mylett 17:30 They're, they're dancing. They're having a great time working on my home. And if you measured life in that moment by happiness, they were beating me terribly, because although I had these external things, I was robbing myself from any bliss in that moment. It was ironic. The man building the mansion was miserable, and the men in there working on it were blissful. And it just struck me watching it that day. I said-

Jay Shetty 17:51 Wow

Ed Mylett 17:51 ... "Shame on you." And what I was lacking, as you talk so beautifully about, was gratitude. I didn't have sincere, specific gratitude. I was grateful for being alive, grateful for the breeze, not grateful for the specific beautiful things in my life, and you teach it better than I do. The more specificity you give to the things you're grateful about, the compounding effect that that emotion has in your life. And so blissful dissatisfaction, uh, long version, just simply means this: you can live blissfully and still want to achieve and have an incongruence between what you know you're capable of and where you are.

Jay Shetty 18:23 Great answer.

Ed Mylett 18:24 Yeah. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 18:24 Great answer. That was amaz- It, it, especially what you said about the achiever's mindset.

Ed Mylett 18:28 Mm.

Jay Shetty 18:28 Because I've been there. So I remember that when I would do well at school or I'd perform well, my parents wouldn't celebrate or they wouldn't get upset. Like, it would just be like, "Oh, cool."

Ed Mylett 18:38 Yeah, same with mine.

Jay Shetty 18:38 It was very neutral. So what ended up happening is I was always continuing to achieve-

Ed Mylett 18:43 Yeah

Jay Shetty 18:43 ... but our response was always neutral.

Ed Mylett 18:45 Same with mine.

Jay Shetty 18:45 Now, my wife comes from the opposite, where my wife's parents celebrate everything. Like, the tiniest thing in the world, they'll celebrate it for her. And I think the balance is somewhat what I think helps, because you need some hunger.

Ed Mylett 18:57 Yes.

Jay Shetty 18:57 But then you need that happiness, and I think you're so right that that, just that visual, you literally said it so well that I could visualize-

Ed Mylett 19:04 Yes

Jay Shetty 19:04 ... these men working away, feeling joyous, and then you, like, looking from your tower and your window, just feeling dissatisfied.

Ed Mylett 19:10 What, what a jerk I was, you know?

Jay Shetty 19:12 And-

Ed Mylett 19:13 And learning from that jerkedness of myself, you know?

Jay Shetty 19:15 But, but you're right. Us achievers get the... Tell us how can we, if anyone's in that achievement, I think you've touched on something really powerful here. Anyone who's in that achievement mindset, driving themselves to burn out-

Ed Mylett 19:24 Yes

Jay Shetty 19:25 ... where and how do they practice that happiness or that joy or whatever it is that you think we should be experiencing? How do you do it in a way that doesn't make you complacent?

Ed Mylett 19:34 Wonderful question. So you achievers, you know what you're great at doing? You're great at getting what you want.

Jay Shetty 19:38 [laughs]

Ed Mylett 19:39 You're great at getting what you're intentional about. The reason you are not happy, this is a real fact, you are not intentional about making that a priority in your life. Just the power of intention, of pursuing it, of looking for it, there's a part of your brain called the reticular activating system, and you achievers use this system far better than everybody else in the world. It's a filter, basically. It filters out all the things in your life that aren't important to you. So you don't feel the blood rushing through your left ear. You're not thinking about the clothes on your back. It filter- It's why when you're in a room and there's 100 people in the room and someone calls out your name, you hear it above all the other auditory noises.

Jay Shetty 20:13 Mm.

Ed Mylett 20:14 So, or if you're in sales, if you're really prioritizing, you'll hear a customer having a, potential customer having a conversation. So when you a- achievers really get intentional about pursuing bliss, pursuing happiness, your reticular activator begins to filter that into your awareness. You will begin to see, experience, hear, feel things that were always in your environment that you were screening out before because it wasn't a part of your intention.

Jay Shetty 20:39 Wow.

Ed Mylett 20:39 So intention is a huge thing. My wife, I'll tell you a quick, funny story.

Jay Shetty 20:42 Yeah.

Ed Mylett 20:43 When you're married a long time, man, you start to see quirks in each other. You're gonna learn this. You probably are starting to learn this. I love my wife, but she's crazy, right?

Jay Shetty 20:51 [laughs]

Ed Mylett 20:52 And, uh, when we, she's developed this habit recently of when she eats [laughs] a blissful meal, [laughs] and usually she'll make the meal. She started this thing where she moans, like, in joy.

Jay Shetty 21:05 Right.

Ed Mylett 21:05 So she'll bite into a great steak, "Mm-hmm," and it's a little weird, 'cause she's beautiful, right?

Jay Shetty 21:10 [laughs]

Ed Mylett 21:10 I'm like, "Babe, you're doing this in front of the kids," you know?

Jay Shetty 21:12 [laughs]

Ed Mylett 21:12 And we're at dinner for my birthday this last year, and a couple guys were checking my wife out. That, you know, that's okay. You can look at my wife once, even twice. Three times, we may have an issue.

Jay Shetty 21:21 [laughs]

Ed Mylett 21:21 And we end up sitting next to these guys, and she bites into this steak on my birthday and she starts into this thing she does, this, like, orgasmic moaning she does for food. "Mm, mm, mm."

Jay Shetty 21:29 [laughs]

Ed Mylett 21:30 "Mm." I'm like, "Babe, shut it down. This is not fair to these guys."

Jay Shetty 21:34 [laughs]

Ed Mylett 21:34 And the kids are like, "Mom, that's creepy." She's like, "What am I doing?" She's like, "Mm, it's so good." And she says to me, in the moment, she goes, "You know, the more I enjoy it, the more I want another bite."

Jay Shetty 21:44 Mm.

Ed Mylett 21:46 That's this principle. If you're not enjoying the bites of your success, you're not gonna wanna take another one.

Jay Shetty 21:52 Wow.

Ed Mylett 21:52 So I think any great meal you've all bitten into, vegan or otherwise-

Jay Shetty 21:56 [laughs]

Ed Mylett 21:56 When that thing tastes great, you had yours earlier today, the bliss of how great it tastes makes you want another bite. So for you achievers, thinking that if you enjoy the bite, that somehow you'll be less hungry, is absolutely not true. You will be hungrier the more bliss you allow yourself to experience. Like my wife.

Jay Shetty 22:13 Dude, that is an epic analogy.

Ed Mylett 22:14 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 22:14 Does she know that she's being used in that way?

Ed Mylett 22:16 She absolutely knows lately-

Jay Shetty 22:18 [laughs]

Ed Mylett 22:18 ... 'cause it's still a little weird, 'cause she still does it.

Jay Shetty 22:20 That is, but that is such a powerful point.

Ed Mylett 22:22 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 22:22 That is so powerful, and, and bringing it to life in that way is, is brilliant, by the way.

Ed Mylett 22:27 Thank you.

Jay Shetty 22:27 It's, it's awesome. And, and, and it totally makes sense.

Ed Mylett 22:29 Thank you.

Jay Shetty 22:29 It, it completely, it completely makes sense. Uh, and, and, and I think that's what we struggle with so much, is that we s- we get scared. Because I used to be like, "Okay, I need to stay curious, and I don't want to be complacent."

Ed Mylett 22:41 Right.

Jay Shetty 22:41 And then you start living in this, and it's such a, it's such a cold, tense place to live.

Ed Mylett 22:46 That's perfectly right, and you begin to convince yourself, Jay, you're so right, you begin to convince yourself that somehow these patterns that I have that don't serve me are the reasons why I'm successful. But the truth is, you're winning in spite of these bad habits, not because of them.

Jay Shetty 23:01 Wow.

Ed Mylett 23:01 I used to think all the time, "I'm winning over and over and achieving over... 'Cause I don't enjoy any of this. I'm gonna stay really neutral." 'Cause I was raised like that, too. If I hit a home run, "We expected you to."

Jay Shetty 23:11 Yeah, [laughs] same.

Ed Mylett 23:12 You know? Really? You expected me to? I got straight As, you expected me to?

Jay Shetty 23:16 Same, same.

Ed Mylett 23:16 Same exact thing. And I married someone who is what I call very easily blissful.

Jay Shetty 23:21 My wife, too.

Ed Mylett 23:21 Simple things make my wife happy, right?

Jay Shetty 23:23 Ah.

Ed Mylett 23:23 Simple things. She doesn't need a mansion or a beach or fancy clothes or anything like that. She is easily happy, particularly if we're together. People make her happy, and she always taught me when we were little, 'cause you know, we met when we were five and four. As a little girl, there was this wisdom. She'd always say, 'cause I always want stuff, you know, "I'm gonna achieve. We're gonna live in a beach house, in a mansion, and a jet," and all this stuff. And she'd always tell me, "Babe, people matter, things don't. People matter." And this little girl would tell me this growing up. And then when I walk into McKinley Home for Boys, those words start to really be true, because guess what? It was in my reticular activator all the time, and people did start to matter to me, and things really didn't. And ironically, I got a lot of things because I helped a lot of people.

Jay Shetty 24:04 Mm.

Ed Mylett 24:04 But it really wasn't my intention. So anyway, she's right and I was wrong.

Jay Shetty 24:08 [laughs]

Ed Mylett 24:08 [laughs] As usual.

Jay Shetty 24:09 Great, great principle. Yeah, I love that.

Ed Mylett 24:10 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 24:10 Now, now you mentioned patterns then. You were saying how some of the patterns we build-

Ed Mylett 24:14 Mm-hmm

Jay Shetty 24:14 ... we think serve us, or sometimes they're not serving us.

Ed Mylett 24:17 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 24:17 Now, one of your patterns you've always said is a little extra, always doing a little extra.

Ed Mylett 24:22 One more.

Jay Shetty 24:22 Like, yeah, one more. Like, tell us about who you saw that in or how you perceived that and how it became a practice for you in a healthy way.

Ed Mylett 24:31 So actually, name-dropper time, but I got a chance, uh, when I was a pretty young man, I'm in a gym, and Sylvester Stallone was in the same gym as I was. He and I Just the two of us in this very private gym. We both still belong to the same club.

Jay Shetty 24:42 I'm a huge Sylvester Stallone-

Ed Mylett 24:43 So am I

Jay Shetty 24:43 ... I've only met him ever once.

Ed Mylett 24:44 I was a huge Rocky fan.

Jay Shetty 24:46 Me too, I'm a huge Rocky fan.

Ed Mylett 24:47 And, and he's, and he's got his shirt off, 'cause it's a little private gym that I'm in, and, um, it, it was a pretty surreal experience because in the middle of him like I'm working out with Rocky and we're doing the Rocky workout.

Jay Shetty 24:57 [laughs]

Ed Mylett 24:57 This is pretty cool. But every single lift we would do, if we had to do eight, he'd convince me, "Let's go and do eight." And I'd go, "Seven, eight." He'd go, "One more." I'm like, "Ugh." "One more." And every single rep was one more. And I walked out when we were done, thanked him, and we've become friends since then, and I remember thinking to myself, "That's a great metaphor for life." If you're gonna max out your life, it's one more.

Jay Shetty 25:19 Mm.

Ed Mylett 25:19 And so it's one more phone call, one more I love you to my children, one more reach out to one of my friends, one more, uh, rep in the gym. So I have this adage in my life where I just always do one more. And ironically, I've linked my self-confidence to keeping that one promise. 'Cause I think self-confidence is the process of keeping promises you make to yourself.

Jay Shetty 25:40 Mm.

Ed Mylett 25:41 And that's a promise I can control, right? I can make one more text to a friend at night. I can reach... I can tell my wife one more time I love her before we go to sleep. I can walk in one more time and do my prayers and meditation with my daughter, and that one more in my life has sort of become part of my identity. And I have this weird thing in my mind that I think that if I'm willing to do things most people aren't willing to do, perhaps I can produce results that are uncommon for most people.

Jay Shetty 26:05 Yes.

Ed Mylett 26:05 And that's the one more adage. That's why I do it.

Jay Shetty 26:07 Oh, I love that, and I think that's such a beautiful thing. Anyone who's listening or watching right now, like, that is something you can start practicing right now. And you're right. Do you know why that's so perfect is when you lose someone or something bad happens, you always think of that one moment that could've been different.

Ed Mylett 26:21 Mm.

Jay Shetty 26:22 That one call that could have gone differently, that one dinner that you could have had, like-

Ed Mylett 26:26 Yeah

Jay Shetty 26:26 ... it's always that, right?

Ed Mylett 26:27 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 26:27 Like, when you lose someone that you love or someone dies or you, you break up with someone, you're always like that one. Like, it's always one. You never go, "Oh, there were, like, seven things that we wish we did."

Ed Mylett 26:36 There aren't.

Jay Shetty 26:37 Right? Like, it's always like that.

Ed Mylett 26:38 Yes.

Jay Shetty 26:38 And it's, so if you're always living one more, then you're already that step ahead, that you're actually stopping yourself from living with regret.

Ed Mylett 26:45 I, I, I, I've told you so many times, I think there's so much wisdom from such a young man with you, and one of the things, ironically, when you say that, that I've started as a practice to help myself be present. Because being present is a difficult thing in today's age. I think you'd agree for m- many people it's projecting. Children are great at being present, but dreaming about the future still.

Jay Shetty 27:02 Yeah.

Ed Mylett 27:02 And adults, we're not so good at that. And it's funny, but I do this thing with the one more where I flip it a little bit, and what if this was the last one? So if it was the last one, the last time I see my dad, how would I treat this engagement? Would my phone be done? How would we talk? What would I say? What would I do? What if it was my last wave I get to surf out there in the ocean? What if it's my last workout? What if it's my last meeting, last time I saw my wife, last time I talk to my friend, last round of golf, last whatever? 'Cause when something becomes scarce, we give it value, and we become deluded in our life into thinking that somehow these are gonna last forever. I'll always have one more. That's a perverted way of looking at one more. What if it's the last one? If we've learned anything recently with some of these people that have affected us all so deeply that have passed away, a Kobe or somebody like that, it's because it occurs to us in that moment that this could be the last one. I s- I was with Kobe the last Sunday tournament he was at with his daughter. Our daughters played volleyball against each other, and I didn't know Kobe very well, not as well as you did, but I observed him that day. And he, I remember thinking when he walked out of that gym, "What if someone had said, 'Kobe, you have six days left'"? What if someone would've told him when he got in the car? Can you imagine in that moment knowing that this is finite? We don't have forever. And so I do utilize that with myself. Our conversation today, what if this is the last time I get to do your show? I wanna make... It gives it importance. It gives it value. Scarcity means value, so I use last ones a lot, too.

Jay Shetty 28:32 Dude, that is a great flip.

Ed Mylett 28:33 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 28:34 Like, that's awesome. Like, that is awesome. That's so cool. And, and, and I love that because these are all things people can start living today. And guys, if you're loving this conversation so far, make sure you go follow Ed on Instagram. I mean, like, he is sharing these truths every single day, every single morning, and he's engaging and interacting with his audience. The engagement that Ed gets on Instagram is insane and through the roof because he's so present there.

Ed Mylett 28:55 Thank you.

Jay Shetty 28:55 And so if you want to feel that more every day, make sure you go over to Ed Mylett on Instagram and-

Ed Mylett 28:59 Thank you

Jay Shetty 28:59 ... and follow him to, to learn more about this. This is... By the way, I am loving this conversation so far.

Ed Mylett 29:03 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 29:03 Like, everything you're saying is, is so practical and real, but I love how it originates.

Ed Mylett 29:08 Mm.

Jay Shetty 29:08 Like, how it actually comes to you. Like, that story, I mean, Sylvester Stallone.

Ed Mylett 29:11 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 29:11 I've only met him once in my life.

Ed Mylett 29:12 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 29:13 And shaking his hand was enough for me, but it was like, it's, you know, he, he had that power, and you see that these greats, they have these simple habits-

Ed Mylett 29:20 You got it

Jay Shetty 29:21 ... that make a change, these simple things that they repeat to themselves, et cetera, these mantras that, that transform things. Now, for you, you're now giving speeches, inspiring-

Ed Mylett 29:31 Mm-hmm

Jay Shetty 29:31 ... tons of powerful people, and also not just inspiring people. You're inspiring tons of powerful people in the room. Like, you're on stages with leaders of their companies and businesses and industries, but you weren't always like that.

Ed Mylett 29:43 No. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 29:43 Right?

Ed Mylett 29:44 No.

Jay Shetty 29:44 I've heard you say before that you actually lacked confidence, and you'd get anxious.

Ed Mylett 29:47 Big time.

Jay Shetty 29:48 And, like, I can't believe that when I saw you come in today, like, you've got this larger than life personality. Tell me about that evolution-

Ed Mylett 29:56 Mm

Jay Shetty 29:56 ... of what were the steps to building real confidence?

Ed Mylett 29:59 Yes. Okay.

Jay Shetty 30:00 Not just fake, not just the fake stuff, not just the like-

Ed Mylett 30:03 Yeah

Jay Shetty 30:03 ... "Oh, I've got muscles and I'm cool now."

Ed Mylett 30:05 Yes.

Jay Shetty 30:05 It's like what really helped you become really confident?

Ed Mylett 30:07 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 30:07 'Cause you, you exude real confidence.

Ed Mylett 30:09 Wow. Thank you, because that is something I certainly lacked. I think anything you get really great at in life, it's out of necessity.

Jay Shetty 30:15 Mm.

Ed Mylett 30:15 I mean, I needed it. I was, I was such an insecure little boy, so shy, and I would say even into early adulthood, even into when I walked into McKinley, that was a very insecure, shy, um, lacking self-confidence man. And so I had to build these tools. So the first thing I would say to you is clearly this thing I said earlier about just beginning to stack the pattern of keeping the promises that I make to me is a huge thing, huge thing. But I'll give you secondarily. Identity is kind of like that thermostat on the wall right there. There's a thermostat. That thermostat regulates the temperature of this room. So it's pretty cold outside today, actually. It's still 73 degrees in here. The external conditions don't change the regulated temperature. Your identity, how- your self-worth, the values and truths you hold to be true about yourself are your personal identity. They regulate your life. They're a thermostat setting. And so regardless of what external things happen... You see, if it's really cold outside there, this room turns the heater on, heats it back up to 73. If it's super hot outside, it will cool it back down to 73 degrees. It's not the external conditions, it's the internal thermostat that governs your life. It will govern everything. That's why often in your life you'll get life going. Maybe you've got really fit for a while, or you've made a bunch of money, and then all of a sudden you wake up six months later and you're back at that weight again you don't want, and you're financially back where you were. You've turned the air conditioner back down to get life comfortable where you believe you deserve it. So this thing regulates everything. You can have everything else in your life together. If you're a 73 degree of fitness or faith or s- happiness or money, you are gonna get 73 degrees eventually, just like this room. How'd I alter it? I believe in the power of other human beings. So I'm a spiritual person, I'm a praying man, and I believe God uses other people to alter our thermostat. So I became, I mean, meticulous, crazy. I've told you three times today, intentionally, I want to spend more time with you. The reason is, is I believe you help me with my thermostat in certain areas. So what I did, my recipe, was keeping the promises I made to myself and adding people close to my proximity who could alter those temperature settings in the area. So I have a lot of, forget wealth, I have a lot of really happy people I surround myself with 'cause they, they through association raised me to 80 and 85 and 90 degrees of happiness. If you want to increase your faith, you all have seen this, if you're around incredibly faithful, spiritual people, your internal thermostat changes. Same with money. You can't be around super fit people in your proximity and not eventually become more fit through proximity. So mine has been proximity of people that raise my temperature setting.

Jay Shetty 32:47 Dude, that is such a great analogy. Again-

Ed Mylett 32:49 Yeah

Jay Shetty 32:49 ... that is amazing. When you started talking about it, I was like, "Yeah, wow," like that's exactly it. Like, that's the mistake we're making. We're letting the out... If you just left the doors open-

Ed Mylett 32:56 Right

Jay Shetty 32:57 ... and you took the thermostat off, your temperature would be based on what's happening outside. Today's not the best day weather-wise. We'd be freezing in here.

Ed Mylett 33:04 Freezing, and that's how most people live, bro.

Jay Shetty 33:06 That is exactly how we live.

Ed Mylett 33:07 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 33:08 We just leave the doors open.

Ed Mylett 33:10 Yes.

Jay Shetty 33:10 Let the outside decide the inside.

Ed Mylett 33:12 Got it.

Jay Shetty 33:12 And you just let it figure out.

Ed Mylett 33:13 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 33:13 Wow, that is such a great way of looking at it.

Ed Mylett 33:15 And for the record, I want everyone to understand this, I only know this because I lived the wrong way so long.

Jay Shetty 33:20 Of course.

Ed Mylett 33:20 I wasn't born with it

Jay Shetty 33:21 Of course.

Ed Mylett 33:22 This is something, and by the way, something I still navigate. I still protect, to use some of the terminology, I protect people-

Jay Shetty 33:29 Yeah

Ed Mylett 33:29 ... the proximity of people around me.

Jay Shetty 33:31 Yeah.

Ed Mylett 33:31 And it doesn't mean that I don't have people in my life that live at lower temperatures. Of course I do, but I manage their proximity to me. So if you have people in your life that are blood and they can't leave your life, but maybe they don't feed you, they take your energy, you need to evaluate their existence in your life. But most importantly, you can evaluate their proximity.

Jay Shetty 33:48 Yeah.

Ed Mylett 33:48 How much you let them affect you, how regular you communicate with them, how close they are to you. That's where they have influence over you. My kids, you said about kids earlier, I'll just say this.

Jay Shetty 33:57 Yeah, please.

Ed Mylett 33:57 My children, you worry about their teachers, right? Who their teachers are, 'cause that shapes them, but who I really worry about with my kids, what do you worry about? Who their friends are, who's in their proximity. It changes everything. You got that little time in your life where you kinda went the wrong way. I guarantee you there were some people you were running with then that moved your temperature setting in the wrong direction.

Jay Shetty 34:14 Always.

Ed Mylett 34:15 And then after college, you end up being with, with the monks, right? My gosh, did you get in the proximity of people who live life blissfully and more happy and more peacefully. Their temperature setting on bliss, happiness, and peace is off the radar, and part of it is your proximity to them, I'm sure.

Jay Shetty 34:30 Yeah, absolutely. I, I love that. You said it best. You can't change the people.

Ed Mylett 34:33 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 34:34 You can change the proximity.

Ed Mylett 34:35 Amen.

Jay Shetty 34:35 And, and that is such a great piece of advice. Tell me now how people can go about that. Like, do you... Obviously, we know that as you grow in your career, whether it's finance, whether it's success, whether it's fame, whether it's status, more things become accessible, more people become accessible, especially when you're a good person. And we know that that... We both know that that is the currency really.

Ed Mylett 34:58 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 34:59 Because, hey, wealthy people are not attracted by wealth, they're attracted by peop- uh, like humanity, right?

Ed Mylett 35:04 Yes.

Jay Shetty 35:05 Like famous people are not attracted by fame, they're attracted by humanity.

Ed Mylett 35:08 Yes.

Jay Shetty 35:08 But how does someone who's listening or watching today, how do they start creating that proximity with the greatness?

Ed Mylett 35:15 Right.

Jay Shetty 35:15 With that higher temperature, with the people that can pull them up? When they're sitting there going, "Yeah, like I, I, I just... Like, you know, do I email people?"

Ed Mylett 35:22 I, I... Right. "I don't have access to walk in and work out with Sylvester Stallone."

Jay Shetty 35:24 That's, that's what I mean, yeah.

Ed Mylett 35:25 Right? That's a great point. That's one of the powers of digital media, number one. Let me say one thing to everybody, like your book that's out right now, my book, podcasts, those, those are ac- an extreme proximity to you. They're, they're literally in your ear, they're in your visual awareness. So it's guarding myself. I watch very little television now. I keep aware of it, but I guard myself, so it's, it's giving the digital influence to myself. The second thing I would say is I would ask myself, where do these people congregate? I'm not talking about wealth, I'm talking about where do people congregate that I could begin to become into their proximity? And so I'll be honest with you, one of the places that's been great for me in my life has been a gym.

Jay Shetty 36:01 Oh, wow.

Ed Mylett 36:02 I'm telling you. People think that's a very simple thing, but in my gym, people that are typically trying to care for their physique and their body care more about growth and proximity in their life. And so the gym's been great for me that way. It's also actually asking somebody, and it's bringing something to the table of value for them. So what I've always tried to do, without giving to those people, without expecting something in reciprocity, I try to think of how can I serve this person? How can I contribute to them? How can I make a difference? My neighbor here is, this gentleman that lives next door to me, if he ends up watching this-

Jay Shetty 36:31 [laughs] Yeah

Ed Mylett 36:32 ... he's so generous with constantly... We're different guys He's a, uh, he's a doctor. He's a lot smarter guy than I am, but he's constantly always, "Ed, can I help you with this? Can I... Can I..." And I, I want him around me even though we're very different people. I don't think naturally, Chuck, I would say, "That's a dude just like me." But he is so generous with wanting to give, I want to be in his life, and I want to give back to him on a regular basis. And now we've become very dear friends because I think of his w- wanting to serve me and make a difference for me. So that would be the other element I would give you, is think about how you can make a difference for those people, how you could serve them.

Jay Shetty 37:05 Yeah. That's great advice, and I love how practical it is. Like, I don't think... When you said the gym, I'm like, no, that, that's right. I've met some amazing people at my gym.

Ed Mylett 37:12 100%.

Jay Shetty 37:13 So, so I think you're spot on. Like-

Ed Mylett 37:14 You did it. You did it when you sought out your spiritual part of your life by going with the monks. You have to go where they are.

Jay Shetty 37:19 Yeah.

Ed Mylett 37:19 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 37:20 So true.

Ed Mylett 37:20 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 37:20 You gotta go where they are.

Ed Mylett 37:21 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 37:21 Because, yeah, we're expecting them to turn up [laughs] and, like-

Ed Mylett 37:23 Right. They're not gonna just appear

Jay Shetty 37:24 ... in our area. Yeah, they're not just gonna appear. That-

Ed Mylett 37:25 Where are they? Where... Are they at somewhere where you go faith-based? Do they go to a particular, you know, um, social organization?

Jay Shetty 37:31 Yeah.

Ed Mylett 37:31 Is there a club you could join? Where are they on social media? Um, the gym for me was a place that just-

Jay Shetty 37:37 Yeah

Ed Mylett 37:37 ... really, I met a lot of positive, up-

Jay Shetty 37:39 Yeah.

Ed Mylett 37:39 It's hard to be moving your body all the time and be negative.

Jay Shetty 37:42 [laughs] Yeah.

Ed Mylett 37:42 'Cause their states are high, so people that work out have a higher physical state.

Jay Shetty 37:45 Yeah. And, and, and, and what you're saying is so important because I think the challenge also people have is they want to be sitting next to Richard Branson, or you want to be sitting next to Jeff Bezos. So you wanna, you wanna be with that, and it's like, well, actually, you don't even need that right now.

Ed Mylett 37:58 No.

Jay Shetty 37:58 You just need someone who's, like, three degrees ahead, five degrees ahead.

Ed Mylett 38:02 You're just better at that than me, brother, because you're so right. In fact, if there's too much separation, they have no magnetism to alter your thermostat. If you're at 73 degrees, and I'm at 150, our vibrations are too different. You want someone who's at 78 or 79 degrees.

Jay Shetty 38:17 Of course.

Ed Mylett 38:17 And those people are around you all the time, and through time, there's a progression where that thermostat setting keeps changing. You're 100% right about that.

Jay Shetty 38:24 Yeah, and that's why I like the places you chose.

Ed Mylett 38:26 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 38:27 Because you may not bump into X person there, but you will bump into someone-

Ed Mylett 38:30 Absolutely

Jay Shetty 38:30 ... who's ahead of you. I love that. You talk a lot about having huge reasons-

Ed Mylett 38:35 Yeah

Jay Shetty 38:35 ... and high standards.

Ed Mylett 38:36 Yes.

Jay Shetty 38:37 When you said huge reasons, when I hear you speak about that, I love that.

Ed Mylett 38:40 Mm.

Jay Shetty 38:40 'Cause I feel like most people today, when you ask them why they're doing something-

Ed Mylett 38:44 Mm-hmm

Jay Shetty 38:44 ... you don't really get a solid answer, and I think we struggle with that, most of us. And, and I know in my time, in my life, when I chose to become a monk, that was the first time. If someone asked me why I was a monk, I knew exactly my reasons. I had huge reasons for being a monk. I had huge reasons for leaving being a monk. I have huge reasons for the way I live right now, but there were times in my life where I had very weak reasons or no reasons.

Ed Mylett 39:07 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 39:07 Tell us about huge reasons and high standards.

Ed Mylett 39:10 Great point. So reasons, um... The one thing I have found is that people think they have reasons, and they're very general. Specificity is one of the rarest things I can get from people when I coach them. I don't know if you observe this too, but it's like, "Well, why do you want to do it?" "Well, I wanna be happier." "Well, why do you want to do it?" "Oh, I want to be rich." Really? Like, what specifically is the reason? What's your specific emotional compelling reason to do something? For example, I am relatively fit, and it's not because I'm super disciplined. I'm a lazy person naturally. I have massive reasons which has caused me to create disciplines around me.

Jay Shetty 39:42 Ah. So good.

Ed Mylett 39:43 When I was 30, I had a heart attack, and most people don't know this. I've not talked a lot about this. And I went and saw a remarkable doctor. I could have seen a normal doctor. What do they do? They give you the prescription, take your stat, and do whatever and see you. He got reasons. So y- what happens is you go do the scan. He does the scan, and you go to lunch. I'll never forget this. I literally ate a burrito at the lunch, that's how [smacks lips] after it. And I come back from the scan. There's nobody in the lobby, and the doctor comes in, and he goes, "I'm looking for Edward Mylett." I'm like, "I'm Ed Mylett."

Jay Shetty 40:12 Yeah.

Ed Mylett 40:12 He knew who I was. And he looks at the chart, and he looks back at me, and he goes, "I can't believe those arteries are in that young of a body."

Jay Shetty 40:19 Yeah.

Ed Mylett 40:19 And I went, "Oh, my gosh. What's in the scan?" He's loading me up with reasons. So he gets back. Listen to this, Jay. He says... He puts my chart down, and he goes, "Do you have children?" I said, "Yes." He says, "Do you have a daughter?" I said, "I do." He said, "How old is she?" And I said, "She's a baby." And he said, um, "Are you interested in walking her down the aisle on her wedding day?" And I went, "What did you just say?" He said, "I want to know if you want to be there and walk your daughter down the aisle on her wedding..." You don't talk to a dad about his daughter. You got my attention. I go, "What the [censored] is in that scan, man?" And he goes, "I want you to listen to me right now. If you don't change what you're doing, another man is walking your little baby girl down the aisle on her wedding day. Do you got it?" And I said, "Yes, sir, I do." And he goes, "But if you listen to me, and you do exactly what I tell you, you'll be there for her wedding day." I'm telling you, brother, when I don't want to get out of bed in the morning, and it's 5:15, and I've had a long night before, [claps] Bella's wedding day, [claps] Bella's wedding day, [claps] Bella's wedding day. Maybe a hun- 100 times a year, Bella's wedding day flashes. That's what gets my butt in the gym. My big specific reasons get me to take actions I otherwise wouldn't take. So what's your specific reasons for the things you want? And if you anchor and link those to them, you'll get the standards that you set for yourself.

Jay Shetty 41:28 What a great huge reason.

Ed Mylett 41:30 Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Jay Shetty 41:30 I mean, that gave me chills. Like, hearing you say that and looking in my eyes, I'm, like, literally, like-

Ed Mylett 41:34 You can feel it

Jay Shetty 41:35 ... whoa. Like, that's the reason to stay alive.

Ed Mylett 41:37 That's why I'm fit.

Jay Shetty 41:39 That's the best reason I've ever heard.

Ed Mylett 41:40 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 41:41 I don't think I've ever heard a better reason.

Ed Mylett 41:42 [laughs] That's exactly why.

Jay Shetty 41:43 My, my reason's always I don't want to die by my own fault. [laughs] Like-

Ed Mylett 41:46 [laughs] That's a real reason

Jay Shetty 41:47 ... that's, that's my reason. Like, my reason's like, if anything happens, and I die, I can deal with that because I couldn't do anything.

Ed Mylett 41:52 Have you not found that, though? For you take... Anyone that's been on your show or anyone you know who have achieved something at extremely high level-

Jay Shetty 41:57 Yeah

Ed Mylett 41:57 ... they have an extremely specific big reason to do it.

Jay Shetty 42:01 Oh, 100%, yeah.

Ed Mylett 42:02 And so to the extent that the reason is big and specific... And by the way, you, you may go, "Well, I don't know what my reasons would be." Let me give you a pathway.

Jay Shetty 42:09 Yeah, please.

Ed Mylett 42:09 Almost always your reasons will be your dreams or other people. Almost always they'll fit one of those two categories, big dreams or other people. 'Cause most of you have such good hearts and are such good human beings, you will do 1,000 times more for another human being than you'd ever do for yourself. And so if you can link the things you want to the people you love, to the, to the things you love, meaning the causes you love or the people you love, your dreams or other people, you'll almost always find your pathway to your reason.

Jay Shetty 42:36 Oh, so good, man. So... And it's also, what I love about what you're saying is that it's emotionally driving. It's not just logical.

Ed Mylett 42:43 Very rarely is it logical

Jay Shetty 42:44 Like, it's not logical. It's not, like, just a list of, like, "If I don't work out, then I will put on this much weight. If I don't work out, then I will..." That's- it's not logical. It's emotional.

Ed Mylett 42:51 Human beings are emotional beings.

Jay Shetty 42:53 We're emotional. Yeah, yeah.

Ed Mylett 42:53 Right. What, what we do is we make decisions emotionally, and we rationalize them logically. And so if you at least know the way that you think, even if you're in sales, your customers buy things emotionally and justify and rationalize them logically. And so in life, you're selling yourself all the time on getting y- you to do the things that you otherwise aren't normally doing. You're gonna decide it emotionally and then rationalize it logically.

Jay Shetty 43:17 And it's love. Like, love is pulling you-

Ed Mylett 43:20 Oh

Jay Shetty 43:20 ... to your daughter's wedding

Ed Mylett 43:21 ... every time. Every time

Jay Shetty 43:22 Right? Like, that love is pulling you there. It's... Obviously, fear always pushes us a little bit-

Ed Mylett 43:26 Mm-hmm

Jay Shetty 43:26 ... and that's good. We- I think fear is a good push.

Ed Mylett 43:29 So do I.

Jay Shetty 43:30 But love is a beautiful pull.

Ed Mylett 43:32 Right.

Jay Shetty 43:32 And, and when it works together, it's just, oh, that, that is just, that's ch- blown my mind. Like, I think that's the best reason I've ever heard to staying healthy and fit. I'm excited for Bella.

Ed Mylett 43:40 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 43:40 We're- sorry. I know, Bella, you're 16 years old. Like-

Ed Mylett 43:42 And by the way, take your time about the wedding day

Jay Shetty 43:44 ... there's, yeah, take your time. [laughs]

Ed Mylett 43:45 I, I intend to be around a long time. You can wait another 26 years if you want-

Jay Shetty 43:49 [laughs]

Ed Mylett 43:49 ... as far as I'm concerned.

Jay Shetty 43:50 I love it, man. I love it. This is incredible. I am loving... I've, I've got a few more questions for you-

Ed Mylett 43:54 Okay

Jay Shetty 43:54 ... that I wanna, that I really wanna throw out. Now, I've, I've heard you speak about when you were, when you were broke.

Ed Mylett 44:00 Mm.

Jay Shetty 44:01 When you've, you know, lost your car.

Ed Mylett 44:03 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 44:03 You're, like, in, like, the worst state or the, you know, the water turns off at your place. You're in, like, the worst place. Like, I mean, like, obviously sitting in your beautiful home today, and people now seeing you on your jet and the life you live, that's hard to calibrate for a lot of people. Like, they're like, "Whoa, really?" Like, "Did he actually ever have that?" Like-

Ed Mylett 44:21 Yeah

Jay Shetty 44:21 ... and not in terms of, like, not believing you. It's-

Ed Mylett 44:23 Yeah

Jay Shetty 44:23 ... it's just hard to understand-

Ed Mylett 44:25 Sure

Jay Shetty 44:26 ... how bad it can get for someone.

Ed Mylett 44:27 It was bad.

Jay Shetty 44:28 Right. Yeah, no, I believe you. Uh, uh, but tell, tell me about what you wish someone would have told you at that time or what you were telling yourself-

Ed Mylett 44:38 Great

Jay Shetty 44:38 ... so that people can say that-

Ed Mylett 44:40 Yeah

Jay Shetty 44:40 ... to each other or themselves.

Ed Mylett 44:41 Yeah, I got so broke, as you illustrated there, that we didn't just lose our power. I didn't just lose my home, but they turned the water off, and we had to shower at the apartment we were living in their pool. It was just shameful. And, and a lot of, you know, I was, I was selling a dream in my life and living a nightmare. And I don't know that I was feeding myself a... If I could go back and tell myself, I would say something really true, but I've learned it all through my life. And this too will pass. This time will pass. And, uh, not everything in life is permanent. But what I, what I think changed for me at that time in my life is I really was producing in my life what I believed I deserved, and it was really difficult for me to accept that. There was a part of me deep down that really was getting what I believed I deserved, and the reason was I had a pattern, Jay, in my life when I was young of anything I did wrong, any mistakes I made, I would carry that shame forward, like kind of bags you carry around with you. I just was so hard on myself. So if I made a mistake there, or I wasn't completely truthful somewhere else, or I had hurt somebody, or I just failed, I started stacking all of it like bags that I carried, and I did get to the point in my life where I think that's what I thought I was worth. And I had... If I could go back, I would tell myself, "That's not true, that you're special, that you were born to do something great in your life." If anyone listening to this is carrying those bags, number one, you can decide to drop them at any moment. They're a figment of your imagination. You can drop those bags anytime you want. And if no one's told you in a while, remember, you were born to do something great with your life. There's a purpose for you. You're special. You're unique. You were born with two, three, four, five super special gifts that are yours. They may not be mine and yours.

Jay Shetty 46:19 Yeah.

Ed Mylett 46:19 Maybe they're not great orators, or they can't articulate, but they're, they're nurturing skills, their faith skills, their intellect, their humor, their beauty, their touch, their concern. There's all kinds of skills that you need to identify in yourself, and you were given those skills to make a difference in the world, to do something great in small ways and big ways. I'll tell you one last thing.

Jay Shetty 46:41 Mm.

Ed Mylett 46:42 There's people that do huge things in life that never get credit. The person that recruited me into that financial company quit that company, right? And people say, "Well, what a failure." But because that person reached out to me and made a difference, I've gone on in my life to really reach millions of people. If that person didn't have that one act of kindness, that one generosity, that one, "Hey, I believe in you, you'd be good at this," they made a huge difference in their life through me, and without that seed they planted, there'd be no harvest. So we all are called to do something great, and I just want everyone to hear that today. No matter what bags you're carrying, you were born to do something great.

Jay Shetty 47:17 I, I think that's such great advice. And we see all the time, and we just don't apply to ourselves. Like, when, when you say that, the first thing that came to my mind was the X-Men and Avengers. And, and I was thinking of, like, you know, or anything in, yeah, any Marvel, you know-

Ed Mylett 47:32 Sure

Jay Shetty 47:32 ... character or whatever character it is. And you think of someone like Wolverine.

Ed Mylett 47:35 Mm.

Jay Shetty 47:35 Like, you know, he's got his blades coming out of his hands, and he's got this healing body. But guess what? Cyclops got the laser beam coming out of him, and, like, Captain America doesn't have the same things as Iron Man does, and Iron Man doesn't have the same things as Spider-Man does, and Spider-Man doesn't have the same things, if we go to DC Universe, that Batman does. And I'm like, but they're not looking at each other going, "Oh, I wish I could, like, shoot spidey things out." They don't care.

Ed Mylett 47:56 That's exactly right, brother. And the funny thing about that is all of us at any... We're playing a character.

Jay Shetty 48:01 Yeah.

Ed Mylett 48:02 And at any time, you could decide to turn the page and write a new chapter in your life and become a whole new character. There just became a point where I'm like, "You know what? I am confident. I am stronger. I, I am funnier." I just started to step into this person. I started to write a new character. And along those lines, I just gotta tell you, like, people say, "What's your overriding belief about life?" I believe there's a man I was born to be. I believe there's a man or woman you were born to be. It's kind of the ultimate version of you. And I have this hallucination, no matter what your faith life is, that's completely your personal belief, but I think at the end of life, you're gonna meet that person you were capable of becoming. I really do believe that. I believe you're introduced to this person, the ultimate version of you, the places you could have gone, the differences you could have made, the memories you could have had, the moments of your life. And to me, bliss, heaven, if you will, is meeting that person and we're identical twins. And hell and a typical terrible way to die would be to never, never be anywhere close, to be total strangers with that person. I think about that. Is this decision, is today, is meeting you getting me closer to being that man I was born to be and capable of? And it does fill me all the time with joy and with a little of that pain you said earlier, fear I'm not gonna get there, and I live every day chasing that guy.

Jay Shetty 49:10 Everyone, that is Ed Mylett. What a, what a... I mean, those are beautiful words, uh, to, to come towards the end of our interview. I wanted to read something to you.

Ed Mylett 49:18 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 49:18 We found this on your YouTube page from a comment from one of your fans.

Ed Mylett 49:22 Oh.

Jay Shetty 49:22 And I wanted to share it with you because I thought it was really, really powerful. So this person goes, "Being an entrepreneur is no joke and not for the weak. We all want to be in control of our life, time, and money, but are we really strong enough to weather the storm and believe in ourselves enough to stick it out and win? I love the part where Ed talks about not selling yourself or your family out. Wow. I will listen to this over and over and share it with everyone on my team and everyone I know. Thank you, Ed Mylett, for sharing your story, as it has really touched me to the core. This is something that I needed to hear, and I know that so many others do as well."

Ed Mylett 49:59 Wow.

Jay Shetty 49:59 I mean, you know-

Ed Mylett 50:00 That, that feels great to hear, brother

Jay Shetty 50:01 ... yeah, I mean, it sound like, you know, I wanted to share that with you because I feel like, you know, our, our my- we don't always get to hear that from someone else.

Ed Mylett 50:09 That makes me feel-

Jay Shetty 50:09 And we don't get to hear it in a voice because it's a comment.

Ed Mylett 50:11 Sure.

Jay Shetty 50:12 And I wanted to share that with you-

Ed Mylett 50:13 Thank you, brother

Jay Shetty 50:13 ... because I, yeah, I just want you to recognize just-

Ed Mylett 50:15 Yeah

Jay Shetty 50:15 ... how powerful your work is and...

Ed Mylett 50:17 Well, thank you. I believe what he said there, what, or she-

Jay Shetty 50:19 Yeah

Ed Mylett 50:19 ... what they were referencing was that you're gonna have to pay a price to win in your life.

Jay Shetty 50:23 Yeah.

Ed Mylett 50:23 There's a price tag. And when I was poor, what do you do when you're, you don't have any money, 'cause I lived a long way that way? You negotiate prices all the time. You're always flipping the price tag over. What's the cost? What's the cost? What's the cost? So many people live their life in scarcity, and they're always negotiating the price. What am I paying? I'm suffering so much. I've got to go through this. And they constantly are negotiating the price in their mind, and eventually mo- most people do, is they'll sell their will to win. The price will get too high for them to chase their dream, for them to win. There's just a point where they just go, price is too high, and they make an excuse. Well, it wasn't for me. Timing wasn't right. No, you sold your family's dreams. There was a price you weren't willing to pay. And for me, I just decided there's too much energy drain in negotiating it all the time. I've negotiated in advance. As long as it's legal, ethical, and moral, I'll pay any price to make bliss and happiness for my family, and that, I'm not for sale. My will to win is not for sale. And I would just recommend all of you, negotiate the price now. Your family, your dreams, the people you love, how much are they worth to you? How important are they to you? How important are you to you? Whatever your faith is, how important is your God to you? And would you ever sell the price tag on that? And as long as you keep that in the front of your mind all the time, you have a chance to achieve anything in your life as long as your will to win is not for sale.

Jay Shetty 51:37 I love that, Ed. That's beautiful. We're gonna end with two last segments that we do. They're quick segments. We got fill-in-the-blanks. You got to fill in the blanks. So I no longer tolerate...

Ed Mylett 51:47 I no longer tolerate...

Jay Shetty 51:49 Whatever you want to fill in the blanks with.

Ed Mylett 51:50 No, I'll give it to you. I no longer tolerate fear and worry in my life. Because I was a chronic fearful and worrying person, I no longer tolerate that.

Jay Shetty 51:58 Nice. Being average will...

Ed Mylett 52:01 Destroy me.

Jay Shetty 52:02 The last win I celebrated was...

Ed Mylett 52:05 Meeting you today.

Jay Shetty 52:07 Thank you, man. Uh, the way you get out of your own way is by...

Ed Mylett 52:11 Always coming back to my purpose and my calling in service of other people.

Jay Shetty 52:15 Being a leader means...

Ed Mylett 52:18 Service of other people, again.

Jay Shetty 52:19 My favorite question to ask someone is...

Ed Mylett 52:24 Hmm. Well, the one question I ask people all the time is, what do they believe will make them most happy in their life? And the diversity of answer, man, sorry to go long-

Jay Shetty 52:33 No

Ed Mylett 52:33 ... it just blows my mind at what people tell me.

Jay Shetty 52:35 I love it. I want people to be able to use that question when they're out-

Ed Mylett 52:37 Sure

Jay Shetty 52:37 ... and about, so I love that. You can inspire someone today by living...

Ed Mylett 52:42 Your true authentic self. Don't be afraid to be you.

Jay Shetty 52:46 Nice. My favorite self-care practice is to...

Ed Mylett 52:50 Meditate.

Jay Shetty 52:51 Beautiful. I wasn't a good person when...

Ed Mylett 52:55 My ego was in front all the time.

Jay Shetty 52:58 Nice. All right, man, these are your final five. So these are-

Ed Mylett 53:00 Wow

Jay Shetty 53:00 ... one word answers to one sentence maximum.

Ed Mylett 53:04 Okay.

Jay Shetty 53:05 Uh, so, uh, you did well on that last fill-in-the-blanks.

Ed Mylett 53:07 Okay.

Jay Shetty 53:07 That was really effective, actually.

Ed Mylett 53:08 Okay.

Jay Shetty 53:08 You were probably one of our best for that. So here we go. What's something you view as a blessing today that you initially resisted?

Ed Mylett 53:16 My baseball injury.

Jay Shetty 53:17 Hmm. Nice. Uh, what's your current biggest contribution to the world? For you, what do you feel?

Ed Mylett 53:27 I have to say, brother, that what came to my head is my children.

Jay Shetty 53:30 Beautiful. I love that. Yeah, I love that. All right, for question number three, what have you been chasing in your life that you no longer pursue?

Ed Mylett 53:40 Personal recognition from other human beings.

Jay Shetty 53:44 Great answer. Great answer. Okay, question number four: What's the biggest lesson you've learned in the last 12 months?

Ed Mylett 53:52 I've learned the power of kindness, and the generosity of human beings is so much greater than what you might see in the media every single day, brother. I know that's a long answer.

Jay Shetty 54:05 No, it's great.

Ed Mylett 54:05 Human beings are good. Human beings are kind.

Jay Shetty 54:08 I agree.

Ed Mylett 54:08 And it's the exception when people aren't, not the rule.

Jay Shetty 54:11 I agree.

Ed Mylett 54:12 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 54:12 And question number five of your final five: When do you feel closest to God?

Ed Mylett 54:19 When I'm with my children because God gave me them, but I feel closest to God when I am making a difference in someone else's life. I feel like He's kind of looking down on me going, "Well done." And when I'm, when I'm doing that, I feel most close to Him.

Jay Shetty 54:35 Thank you so much for watching that video. If you enjoyed it, here's another one I think you'll love.

Ed Mylett 54:41 To say, "Okay, it's okay to fail 'cause you're gonna be loved no matter what." I had to look at it from a long term 'cause I wasn't gonna give up on the game.

Jay Shetty 54:49 Right.

Ed Mylett 54:50 So I had to say, "Okay, this year I'm gonna get better at that."

Jay Shetty 54:52 Hmm.

Ed Mylett 54:53 Next year, this, and then so forth and so on, and then patiently I was able to catch up