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Jay & Radhi: The BIGGEST LIE About “The Right Time” to Have Kids

In this first episode of On Purpose with Radhi, Jay opens up a conversation many of us have faced but rarely unpack, being asked, “When are you having kids?” What seems like a casual question often carries a weight that touches on biology, cultural expectations, financial realities, and deeply personal struggles. Together, Jay and Radhi peel back the layers of why this question can feel so triggering, especially for women, and why the assumptions behind it often miss the heart of the matter. They explore how family pressure, societal timelines, and even social media comparisons can make people feel like they’re “behind,” while statistics actually show that having children later in life has become the norm. From the challenges of IVF and miscarriages to the fear of balancing career and motherhood, Jay and Radhi shed light on the unspoken realities couples quietly carry. They remind us that true preparation for parenthood isn’t about perfect timing, it’s about awareness, acceptance, and readiness for change. In this episode, you'll learn: How to Handle Pressure About Having Kids How to Prepare for the Real Changes of Parenthood How to Know if You’re Ready for Children How to Separate Society’s Timeline From Your Own How to Support Friends Struggling With Fertility The milestones that matter most are the ones that feel true to you, not the ones dictated by outside voices. Fulfillment is not found in comparison but in living with intention, compassion, and alignment to your own values. With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 00:45 When Are You Going to Have Kids? 03:53 So, Do You Want to Have Kids? 07:57 Are You Prepared to Raise Kids? 12:31 A Different Mindset on Being a Parent 16:23 Delaying Parenthood Because of Financial Constraints 21:16 Parenthood Equates to Success 23:20 Can a Child Fix a Broken Relationship? 29:02 Are You Willing to Sacrifice Your Career to Become a Parent? 32:32 Live the Life You Want For Yourself Episode Resources: https://www.radhidevlukia.com/ https://www.youtube.com/@radhidevlu https://www.instagram.com/radhidevlukia https://www.facebook.com/radhidevlukia1/ https://www.facebook.com/radhidevlukia1/ https://www.instagram.com/jayshetty https://www.facebook.com/jayshetty/ https://x.com/jayshetty https://www.linkedin.com/in/shettyjay/ https://www.youtube.com/@JayShettyPodcast http://jayshetty.me

Radhi Devlukiahost
Oct 31, 202537mWatch on YouTube ↗

At a glance

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

Rethinking the “right time” for kids amid modern pressures today

  1. They argue that asking “When are you having kids?” is often insensitive because it assumes desire and ability, and can trigger grief around miscarriage, IVF, body image, or financial stress.
  2. They reframe the conversation from finding a perfect timeline to assessing readiness for inevitable lifestyle changes like sleep loss, shifting relationship dynamics, and altered priorities.
  3. They highlight how social and cultural scripts equate parenthood with success and normalcy, while many people find purpose through other forms of “mothering/fathering” (community, work, service, adoption).
  4. They discuss modern constraints—rising costs of raising children, student debt, workplace/maternity leave realities, and career tradeoffs—driving later parenthood and anxiety about “falling behind.”
  5. They warn against having a child as a strategy to fix a broken relationship, noting it can intensify existing issues and place unfair pressure on the child.

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

Stop asking “when”; ask what someone wants and needs.

They suggest “Do you want kids?” (or not asking at all) is more respectful because “when” assumes desire, capability, and a predictable path—none of which are guaranteed.

The “right time” is less a date and more a readiness for change.

Their preferred framing is: “Do I understand how my life will change, and am I ready to embrace that?”—sleep, freedom, partnership dynamics, and identity all shift.

That one question can trigger multiple hidden pain points.

They connect “when are you having kids?” to miscarriage/IVF grief, body-image scrutiny (e.g., “are you pregnant?”), and feelings of inadequacy or unworthiness.

Normalize later parenthood by looking at trends, not Instagram.

They cite research showing first-child age is rising (projected mid-30s), arguing statistics can reduce shame and the feeling of being “left behind.”

Money worries are a legitimate driver of delaying kids.

They cite figures like $233k–$310k to raise a child to 18 (excluding college) and note many adults delay parenthood because they don’t feel they can afford it.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

There is no benefit of asking that question because if they know, they would've already told you, and if they don't know, you're making them anxious in some way. So actually, zero benefit in asking when are you having children.

— Radhi Devlukia

The idea of when are you having kids is the wrong question. I think the right questions are actually do I know how my life will change when I have a child, and am I ready to embrace that change?

— Jay Shetty

Motherhood is not- motherhood is not the only way to mother. You can mother a movement, a garden, a dream, or a community.

— Radhi Devlukia

You feel like a child having a child.

— Radhi Devlukia

There are so many couples who think having a child will help their relationship.

— Radhi Devlukia

The harm and assumptions behind “When are you having kids?”Biological clock vs psychological readinessMiscarriage, IVF, and hidden fertility strugglesFinancial fear and the cost of raising a childParenthood as identity, success, and societal scriptCareer, maternity leave, and the myth of “doing it all”Children as relationship “fix” vs conscious partnership

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