Jay Shetty Podcast

Jay & Radhi: The BIGGEST LIE About “The Right Time” to Have Kids

In this first episode of On Purpose with Radhi, Jay opens up a conversation many of us have faced but rarely unpack, being asked, “When are you having kids?” What seems like a casual question often carries a weight that touches on biology, cultural expectations, financial realities, and deeply personal struggles. Together, Jay and Radhi peel back the layers of why this question can feel so triggering, especially for women, and why the assumptions behind it often miss the heart of the matter. They explore how family pressure, societal timelines, and even social media comparisons can make people feel like they’re “behind,” while statistics actually show that having children later in life has become the norm. From the challenges of IVF and miscarriages to the fear of balancing career and motherhood, Jay and Radhi shed light on the unspoken realities couples quietly carry. They remind us that true preparation for parenthood isn’t about perfect timing, it’s about awareness, acceptance, and readiness for change. In this episode, you'll learn: How to Handle Pressure About Having Kids How to Prepare for the Real Changes of Parenthood How to Know if You’re Ready for Children How to Separate Society’s Timeline From Your Own How to Support Friends Struggling With Fertility The milestones that matter most are the ones that feel true to you, not the ones dictated by outside voices. Fulfillment is not found in comparison but in living with intention, compassion, and alignment to your own values. With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 00:45 When Are You Going to Have Kids? 03:53 So, Do You Want to Have Kids? 07:57 Are You Prepared to Raise Kids? 12:31 A Different Mindset on Being a Parent 16:23 Delaying Parenthood Because of Financial Constraints 21:16 Parenthood Equates to Success 23:20 Can a Child Fix a Broken Relationship? 29:02 Are You Willing to Sacrifice Your Career to Become a Parent? 32:32 Live the Life You Want For Yourself Episode Resources: https://www.radhidevlukia.com/ https://www.youtube.com/@radhidevlu https://www.instagram.com/radhidevlukia https://www.facebook.com/radhidevlukia1/ https://www.facebook.com/radhidevlukia1/ https://www.instagram.com/jayshetty https://www.facebook.com/jayshetty/ https://x.com/jayshetty https://www.linkedin.com/in/shettyjay/ https://www.youtube.com/@JayShettyPodcast http://jayshetty.me

RDRadhi Devlukiahost

Nov 1, 2025·37m·Watch on YouTube ↗

📖 CHAPTERS

1. 1

   Why “When are you having kids?” is a loaded, often harmful question

   Jay and Radhi unpack how casually asking about kids can carry assumptions (that someone wants kids, can conceive, and is “behind” without them). They explain how the question can trigger anxiety, shame, or grief—despite usually being asked with good intentions.

2. 2

   The biological clock vs. modern timelines: pressure women feel in their 30s

   Radhi explains the unique pressure women experience as fertility declines with age and society reinforces an “ideal” timeline. Jay adds data showing first-child ages are rising, which can normalize later parenthood and reduce the sense of being alone.

3. 3

   Ask “Do you want kids?”—and why assumptions can be deeply insensitive

   They argue people often skip the more respectful question—whether someone even wants children—and jump straight to timing. They highlight how infertility, miscarriage, and IVF make pregnancy talk emotionally fraught and frequently retraumatizing.

4. 4

   Replacing “right time” with readiness: preparing for how life will change

   Jay reframes the issue: you can’t perfectly time parenthood, but you can reflect on the changes it brings and your willingness to embrace them. They discuss shifts in sleep, freedom, priorities, and relationship dynamics—especially the reality that a baby becomes the primary focus.

5. 5

   Parenthood, identity, and alternative ways to “mother” and “father”

   Radhi shares a quote about motherhood not being the only way to nurture: you can mother a movement, community, or dream. Jay reflects on how some people express paternal/maternal energy through service, teaching, or caretaking roles outside traditional parenting.

6. 6

   Money and delaying kids: the financial reality behind the fear

   They explore finances as a major driver of delayed parenthood, citing data on how many adults postpone kids because they can’t afford them. Jay shares estimated costs of raising a child and explains how the kids question can trigger feelings of insecurity and unworthiness.

7. 7

   Societal scripts: why parenthood is treated as success and purpose

   Jay challenges the cultural narrative that having kids (and a partner) defines a worthy life, referencing Tracee Ellis Ross on rejecting inherited scripts. Radhi contrasts this with religious/evolutionary framing that procreation is central—highlighting the tension many people feel.

8. 8

   The myth that a child will fix you or save a relationship

   They strongly critique the idea of having a baby as a last-ditch solution for relationship problems or personal pain. Radhi distinguishes between a child creating a “tie” versus creating true “connection,” and Jay notes real-world examples where it worsened relationships and increased trauma.

9. 9

   Perfection is impossible: embracing mistakes, flexibility, and realism

   Jay and Radhi emphasize that you can’t plan a perfect life stage for having kids because people and circumstances change. They advocate for adaptability and grace—accepting that parenting includes mistakes and imperfect moments without becoming neglectful or overly controlling.

10. 10

    Career, maternity leave, and the real meaning of “sacrifice”

    They discuss how parenthood can slow career momentum, especially for women who take maternity leave or run businesses. Radhi reframes sacrifice as seasonal prioritization—planning ahead, letting go of “do it all,” and preparing emotionally for a changed pace.

11. 11

    Choosing your own timeline—and redefining what a fulfilling life looks like

    They close by validating every point on the spectrum: wanting kids now, later, never, or through adoption. The core message is to stop living by society’s checklists and instead build a timeline aligned with your values, relationship, and capacity.