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Jay Shetty PodcastKEVIN HART ON: The SECRET To Success & Happiness NOBODY TALKS ABOUT (Do This In 2023) | Jay Shetty
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CHAPTERS
- 0:00 – 7:05
Winning While Still Carrying Monsters
Jay Shetty introduces Kevin Hart and his audiobook on monsters, then asks what it feels like to win and still find monsters within. Hart explains that his monsters are the bad versions of himself, fed by ego and expectations. He says he now looks in the mirror and is proud, and that he can tame the monsters.
- •Hart defines monsters as the bad versions of yourself that still have some good qualities
- •Success brings an expectation of perfection, and that is when flaws show themselves
- •Ego and expectations of how you should look and live feed a monster
- •Hart says there is no consequence to always improving and growing
- •At 43 he can tell the monsters to sit down, and what he wants has changed
- 7:05 – 12:14
A Complacent Childhood and a Mother's Lessons
Jay Shetty points out that the mirror shows no trophies and asks for a difficult childhood memory. Hart describes being complacent and sneaky as a young teen. He credits his mother's lessons about finishing what you start, and says that realizing he was a slacker fuels his work today.
- •Hart was a subpar to low-average student who got over by faking homework
- •His mother put him in sports and activities to give him opportunity, and he did not appreciate it at the time
- •Her lessons were to not quit and to apply your all
- •Not being aware of that complacency would have been the real loss
- •Jay shares a quote about parents being right once your kids tell you that you're wrong
- 12:14 – 21:27
Losing His Father and Focusing on Solutions
Jay Shetty brings up Hart's recent loss of his father. Hart describes a complicated relationship marked by drugs and jail, and says he focuses on solutions rather than problems. He explains that his father's effort as a grandfather improved their bond, and that he and his ex-wife now share a vision centered on their kids.
- •Hart loves his dad for being his dad and doesn't hold grudges
- •He once bumped into his father on a train in Philadelphia and his father ran off embarrassed
- •His dad's effort as a grandpop improved their relationship without words
- •Hart and his ex-wife realized it's about the kids, the baton being passed correctly
- •He calls the grudge a monster that he doesn't have to feed
- 21:27 – 25:29
Seeing the Good and Learning What Not to Do
Hart says it is hard to see the good if you only see the bad, and that people struggle when they measure their lives against someone else's. He explains how his father's mistakes taught him what not to do. Jay Shetty observes that sometimes the greatest wisdom is unsaid and unintentional.
- •People struggle with success and relationships by comparing theirs to others'
- •Hart could have followed his father down the road of drugs and violence, but saw the consequences
- •His father never intentionally taught the lesson, yet it landed
- •Jay says the greatest wisdom can be knowing what not to do
- •Hart says to live your life for you, since we only get one
- 25:29 – 30:32
"Why Not?" and the Power of Ideas
Jay Shetty asks what shifted Hart from complacency to being one of the hardest-working people in entertainment. Hart cites Russell Westbrook's "Why not?" and says you can be good at many things if you try. He argues that the world is built on ideas, and that not trying is failing.
- •Hart borrowed "Why not?" from his friend Russell Westbrook
- •You don't know what you're good at unless you try different things
- •The simplest things in the world came from an idea
- •He had no educational background for his roles, only an idea to try and patience to learn
- •Not trying is failing
- 30:32 – 35:11
The Pursuit, the Game, and Breaking Ground for the Next Generation
Jay Shetty says who you grow into matters more than where you're going. Hart talks about coming from the bottom and not being expected in certain rooms. He says the game is being in the game, and he hopes his kids and others will see what is possible and not miss.
- •Jay says the person you grow into and the people around you make the pursuit worthwhile
- •Hart looks back at Kevin at 22 versus 43 and says it was never the plan
- •His tree has many branches and the game is being in the game
- •He hopes to give his four kids a shot at generational wealth and make that normal
- •If he falls short at the last second, he still got there and shows others they can
- 35:11 – 39:20
Team Effort and Getting Rid of the "I" Monster
Asked which skill he wants to pass to his kids, Hart says nothing is achieved by one person and he stresses the "we" over the "I". He describes his earlier "I monster" that wanted to do everything himself. He says he now supports his team so they can flourish.
- •No level of success is reached by one person
- •Hart hopes his Hartbeat team become the stars of tomorrow
- •He had an "I monster" that insisted on doing everything his way
- •He tells himself to get out of the way and let others be great
- •He asked Jay how long his team had been together to understand his team
- 39:20 – 43:07
Competition Without Animosity and Being Ready
Jay Shetty notes society pits people of color against each other. Hart says he, Dave Chappelle and Chris Rock are close and don't compete. He describes the frustration of being a young comic and doing the work, such as acting classes, so he would be ready when opportunity came.
- •The idea that there can only be one is something the culture created
- •Competition is fine without malicious intent
- •As a young comic Hart was frustrated but prepared, including one-on-one acting classes
- •He did not want to be caught without a tight set when opportunity came
- •Jay agrees that being ready for the opportunity is underrated
- 43:07 – 51:15
Celebrating Each Other's Success
Jay Shetty shares a story about filmmakers screening movies for each other, and Hart describes how he, Chappelle and Rock trust and challenge each other. He says they have balled up their notes after watching Dave and restarted. Hart celebrates entertainers cheering each other on and uses the Olympic swim team as an example of rivals supporting one another.
- •Hart trusts his friends' opinions and says it is confidence and a strong relationship
- •He and Chris Rock started their sets over after seeing Dave Chappelle
- •They challenge each other out of inspiration, not jealousy
- •Competing and still being friends is possible
- •On Michael Phelps's swim team, rivals pushed each other and the silver medalists were happiest for him
- 51:15 – 56:07
Addiction to Number One and Letting Go of Control
Hart admits he is hard on himself and chases lightning in a bottle, such as arena shows that can't be repeated. Jay Shetty cites a study that bronze medalists are happier than silver medalists. Hart describes an "it's number one or a flop" mindset, and says he reset the win to the work itself, as David Letterman described his own struggle with numbers.
- •Hart sometimes chases a success that can't be redone, like the Madison Square Garden run
- •Jay mentions the study that bronze medalists are happier than silver medalists
- •Hart felt a movie was either number one or a flop, which made his expectations unrealistic
- •He moved the win to finishing the project, with crew, director and fans enjoying it
- •David Letterman told Hart about being dark from watching numbers every day
- 56:07 – 1:06:42
Fame as the Biggest Drug and the Accident's Wake-Up Call
Hart says fame is the biggest drug and no handbook prepares you for it. He says the question is whether you know yourself and are okay with yourself. Asked about his near-death accident, he describes how the quiet room changed his priorities, and says he is still battling to do right.
- •Fame makes you feel powerful, and the consequences of losing it are severe
- •There is no guide for fame and people get shell-shocked
- •Hart says if you don't know and aren't okay with yourself, fame will break you
- •After the accident he got his responsibilities in order and began slowing down for family
- •He says perfection doesn't exist and he talks to himself on runs and in the gym
- 1:06:42 – 1:09:42
Looking Through Both Lenses and Daily Improvement
Hart says that saying you are a good dad or boss doesn't make it so, and that he now checks his view against how others see him. He stresses dialogue, feedback and constant improvement. Jay Shetty shares the Buddha story about watering a flower you love.
- •Saying you're a good dad or boss doesn't make you one
- •Hart looks at things through both lenses, not a one-sided view
- •Assuming you're doing right can be a crutch
- •He asks his wife and kids questions to get feedback so he can adjust
- •Jay shares the Buddha's story about watering a flower you love
- 1:09:42 – 1:14:58
Mistakes, Consequences, and Learning Marriage
Jay Shetty asks about the monster behind acting against your values, referring to the infidelity Hart writes about. Hart says wrong is wrong, but opportunity and a sense of invincibility make people think they will be fine until consequences hit. He says marriage and love have to be learned, and that the hardest part of his mistakes was the effect on others.
- •Hart says he doesn't justify or excuse wrongdoing
- •With fame and opportunity, people think they'll be fine until the consequences appear
- •The consequences make you ask how you view yourself
- •He says he wasn't that smart in his first marriage and that you gotta learn love
- •Forgiving himself is easier than watching others hurt, he says
- 1:14:58 – 1:24:09
Wishing Pain, Simple Mistakes, and Critical Thinking
Jay Shetty shares a Nietzsche quote about wishing pain and suffering on others, which he can't subscribe to. Hart argues many mistakes aren't deeply thought through, using bank-robber and Biden examples. Jay says people are critical rather than critical thinkers, and Hart says everyone acts like the smartest person in the room.
- •Jay can't subscribe to wishing pain and suffering on anyone
- •Hart says some mistakes are simple and not thought out, though wrong is still wrong
- •Jay distinguishes being critical from being a critical thinker
- •Hart calls people today the best coaches who never won a championship
- •Hart says mental health became visible after the pandemic and everything has stages of growth
- 1:24:09 – 1:29:41
Why He Shares: Impact, Inspiration, and Belief
Jay Shetty says Hart didn't have to talk openly about his flaws and that he respects it. Hart explains he wants to create opportunities for change through financial literacy, motivation and speaking in his off-season. He cites Will Smith's book and says self-confidence and belief are how dreams get met.
- •Jay says Kevin didn't have to be this open about his flaws
- •Hart asks what he wants outside success and fame, and says information is one thing he can give
- •He talks about financial literacy in the Black community and motivating people who lack encouragement at home
- •He uses his off-season to speak, and cites Will Smith's candid book
- •Self-confidence and belief are how dreams get met
- 1:29:41 – 1:36:11
Final Five Fast Questions
Jay Shetty asks Hart five one-sentence questions. Hart gives Chris Rock's advice to not be a local comedian, names the worst advice as making a studio respect you by not showing up, and defines his purpose as making the "we" bigger than "me". He also says he no longer values approval he can't control, and his law would be to practice what you preach.
- •Best advice, from Chris Rock: don't be a local comedian, make the world laugh
- •Worst advice: sometimes you gotta make a studio respect you, when he prefers face-to-face communication
- •Current purpose: embracing the "we" and making it bigger than "me"
- •He no longer values approval he can't control
- •His one law: practice what you preach
