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Jay Shetty PodcastMATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY ON: Before You WASTE 2023 Away, WATCH THIS! | Jay Shetty
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Chapter summaries
The Monk Calling and the Year in Australia
Jay Shetty says Matthew McConaughey's Oscar speech and book meant a lot to him, then asks about the line where McConaughey believed his calling was to become a monk. McConaughey describes his year as an exchange student in Australia, the daily disciplines he built, and the advice he got from Brother Christian.
- •Shetty listened to the Oscar speech daily for 30 days and says the book feels like a never-ending version of it
- •McConaughey felt forced inward as an exchange student in Australia, without friends, car, cash, job or parents
- •He created daily disciplines, including running and going vegetarian
- •Brother Christian told him his communication skills suggested a different path than hermit or monk
- •He still reminds himself he has time to pursue it
What Green Lights Are and How to Find Them
McConaughey explains the green light metaphor: we often miss them, mistake them for red or yellow, and can engineer them through daily choices. He offers "when faced with the inevitable, get relative" as a tool and says red lights can reveal themselves as green later.
- •We often see red or yellow where there is actually a green light
- •Green lights can be engineered by daily choices, like delayed gratification and return on investment (his example is filling the coffee filter the night before)
- •Green lights are found by enduring, pivoting, or conceding
- •"When faced with the inevitable, get relative," applied to the COVID period
- •Every red or yellow light reveals itself as green in the rear view mirror, sometimes only for later generations
His Father's Death as a Red Light That Revealed Green
McConaughey describes how his father's death in 1992 removed his safety net and forced him to develop courage and truthfulness. He argues that 2020 could likewise be remembered as a year of rebirth, though that is not guaranteed.
- •His father died in 1992, a major red light in his life
- •His dad had been his safety net, so he did not have to fully commit while his father was alive
- •After the loss, he gained courage, confidence, kindness and truthfulness
- •He says it is not about denying the red light
- •2020 offers an opportunity to be a banner year of rebirth and change
Growing Up with His Father: Rites of Passage
Asked about meeting his father's expectations, McConaughey describes his dad's belief in rites of passage and challenges, and how he came to know his father as an adult. He tells the story of attacking a bouncer who put a hand on his father's chest.
- •His dad wanted his sons to have the courage to accept a challenge; his older brother Rooster took it up and became his best friend
- •McConaughey was raised more by his mother while his father worked on the road
- •He first got to know his father as an adult around 18 or 19
- •He jumped a bouncer who touched his dad, and his father said "That's enough, son"
- •His dad treated it as a rite of passage and they became more like buddies
Refusing the Victim Label and Finding Truth in Humor
Shetty asks how McConaughey avoided feeling like a victim after the difficult experiences described in his book. McConaughey says he chose not to feel victimized, and that humor reveals truth without denying the severity of what happened.
- •He says he is not delegitimizing the word victim and that he chose not to feel victimized
- •The blackmail experience left him with guilt and shame, but he chose to turn the page and find healthy relationships
- •He and Shetty laughed about it without denying how severe it was
- •Humor is more than a survival technique; it is a way of understanding
- •Shetty adds that laughter and tears are both things people try to hold back
Diaries, Dissecting Successes, and Eliminating Who You're Not
McConaughey explains how he started diary-keeping and why he began writing during good times as well as bad. He says defining who you are is easier through eliminating who you are not, and the two discuss why we forget what worked when things were going well.
- •He started a diary because his reactions, like laughing and crying, differed from other people's, and he wanted to understand them
- •"Talk to yourself, just answer"
- •Most people write in a diary or pray only when in trouble, so he began recording successes too
- •Notes on habits from good periods can nudge you back into a groove
- •Process of elimination: remove the people, places and things that feed the bad wolf
Persist, Pivot, or Concede: From Law School to Film School
Shetty asks how McConaughey decides between persisting, pivoting and conceding. He walks through his decision to leave the path to law school for film school, the phone call with his father, and the "how are you sleeping with it?" test.
- •He had planned on law school, but was not sleeping well at the idea of spending his 30s in a classroom
- •A friend at NYU film school encouraged his writing and suggested he consider acting
- •His father's reply to the news was "Well, don't half-ass it"
- •He tests decisions by sleeping on them as if doing the thing and as if not doing it, and noting what wakes him up
- •There is good scared and bad scared, and he listens to which one it is
Too Many Options and the Hardest No: Unbranding the Rom-Com Star
McConaughey describes the flood of yeses after Time to Kill, then the hardest no of his career: turning down rom-coms for 20 months to wait for dramas. He calls it an unbranding rather than a rebranding, and credits his family for anchoring him.
- •After Time to Kill, scripts that were all noes became all yeses over a weekend, and he had to leave Hollywood to hear himself think
- •He was the rom-com king but felt his life was more vital than his work
- •He refused rom-coms and action films and did not work for 20 months, turning down offers of $15 million
- •Then came Killer Joe, Magic Mike, Mud, True Detective and Dallas Buyers Club
- •His wife and newborn son anchored him through the limbo, and Shetty relates it to his own plan to say no more in 2021
The Target Draws the Arrow: Meeting His Wife
Shetty asks how McConaughey attracted his wife when he was not seeking partnership. McConaughey says he stopped trying to force it, became more present and himself, and met Camila.
- •He did not want to date anyone unless there was potential for a long-term relationship
- •Through meditation and prayer he decided to quit trying so hard to find the right woman
- •He became more present, more fun and more himself
- •On seeing her he said "What is that?" rather than "Who is it?"
- •He says the target drew the arrow when he quit looking
Recurring Dreams, Signs, and Too Much Inspiration
Shetty asks whether McConaughey dreams a lot. He says recurring dreams are a celestial suggestion to listen, and talks about recognizing signs without chasing every one.
- •He treats recurring, note-for-note dreams as a sign to pay attention
- •Dreams are personal, so you have to decide how much merit to give them
- •We must be ready, patient and courageous to act on green lights
- •You can't listen to every sign or you end up running miracles
- •He wants to be neither closed off nor flooded with inspiration
Fatherhood: Immortality, Letting Kids Fall, and Selfish as Selfless
McConaughey talks about his lifelong wish to be a father, what surprised him about parenting, and how he and Camila raise their children. He then explores the "egotistical utilitarian" idea of choices that serve both the self and the collective, and Shetty links it to dharma.
- •At eight years old he concluded that fatherhood was what made men worthy of "sir"
- •Triple down on instincts in the first six months after a firstborn; children seem more about biology than environment, and having them makes you feel immortal
- •He and Camila aim to raise conscientious, autonomous, confident kids and let them negotiate their own conflicts and take small risks
- •He argues the most selfish act can be the most selfless, and looks for where the want meets the need
- •Shetty connects this to dharma as the meshing of passion and compassion
Letting Kids Learn and Staying Off Balance
The conversation covers how people learn best from experience and what his children have taught him. McConaughey recounts Camila's "you go, we go" condition and passes on a mentor's advice to go into situations deliberately off balance.
- •Shetty tells of friends letting their toddler touch a candle flame, and McConaughey says people learn from experience, not from being told
- •Camila's condition was "you go, we go," which turned out to be good for his creativity
- •Explaining R-rated roles to his kids in a G-rated way tests his reasons for taking them
- •A mentor dared him to go into work and life on one leg and find his balance
- •Shetty says we are most alive when off balance
The Ten Goals and Staying in the Process
Shetty asks about the ten goals McConaughey wrote in 1989 and whether any surprised him. McConaughey explains he forgot them the next day yet achieved all ten, and says his best results came when he focused on process rather than outcome.
- •He wrote ten goals in 1989 and forgot about them, yet accomplished all ten
- •One goal was winning the Academy Award for Best Actor, written before he would admit he wanted to act
- •Once family came first, he focused on process and got better results, like a best round of golf
- •He cites Bo Jackson running through the end zone and up the tunnel as extending the finish line
- •Putting goals far out front, as with COVID lasting three years, saves wasted energy
Fast Five: Humor, Solitude, Invisibility, Risk, and "I Value?"
Shetty closes with his rapid-fire questions, answered in one sentence or less. McConaughey answers on humor, spending time alone, invisibility, constructive risk, and the question "I value?"
- •The biggest lesson of the last year: make sense of humor your default emotion
- •Time alone, even when you don't enjoy your own company, is constructive: don't pull the parachute in the discomfort
- •His superpower choice is invisibility, with the challenge of whether you can handle the freedom
- •A risk doesn't make sense when it's for risk's sake; look for constructive risk and ROI
- •The question to ask daily is "I value?" with the long-term green light in mind
