MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY ON: Before You WASTE 2023 Away, WATCH THIS! | Jay Shetty

Matthew McConaughey 0:00 When do most of us go to a diary?

Jay Shetty 0:02 Mm.

Matthew McConaughey 0:02 When we're having problems. I think I need to start writing stuff down to make sure I take the time to write stuff down when things are going well so I can dissect my successes-

Jay Shetty 0:10 When you won the Oscar in the, in 2014, and you gave that speech, I had a ritual at that time in my life where I listened to your speech every day for 30 days, and maybe even a bit longer. And it was so powerful and profound. And when I read your book, it was exactly what I was looking for because I wanted that speech to never end. I wanted it to kind of, like, go in so many different directions. So-

Matthew McConaughey 0:35 Okay

Jay Shetty 0:36 ... anyone who hasn't heard that speech, go listen to it. If you have heard it, you know what I'm talking about. And the book literally feels like a never-ending version of that speech, which is beautiful.

Matthew McConaughey 0:46 Ah. [claps] Bravo. Great. I love hearing that translation.

Jay Shetty 0:49 [laughs] It's, it's, it's very true. So I wanted to start there. Uh, and, and before we dive into the book in chronological order, I was gonna pick this out, uh, because on page 73, you say, "I started to believe my life's calling was to become a monk." Now, now I don't know if you know this, but I lived as a monk for three years in India. And-

Matthew McConaughey 1:09 Wow

Jay Shetty 1:09 ... so when you s- when I read that, I was just like, "I have to find out about this." And so I wanted to hear, why was that your calling, or why did you feel that was your life's calling at one point? And-

Matthew McConaughey 1:20 Yeah

Jay Shetty 1:20 ... and have you ever thought about it again?

Matthew McConaughey 1:22 Yes. Uh, well, that came to me at a time when I was having a very introspective forced winter of a year in Australia as an exchange student. Um, and it was a very unsettling year for me. Um, I was alone in a foreign place. Uh, I was, you know, struggling with my own identity. I didn't have all the crutches or, or things that I could rely on around me, friends, car, cash, a job, Mom, Dad. I didn't have any of those things. So I was forced to rely on myself, um, and forced inward. It was, it was a real year of resistance. Now, in that, um, and I was going a l- a tad, tad bit insane, I think is fair to say.

Jay Shetty 2:02 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 2:03 I started to create daily disciplines for myself. Um, and as you'll, as you know, when we're sort of lost, creating daily disciplines give you a, a, a m- a tangible measurement of, "Okay, I, I, I ran six miles today." Um, you know, and for me, I was a runner. I went vegetarian and didn't know how to do it.

Jay Shetty 2:21 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 2:21 And was looking for my calling. And at the time, I was like, "Oh, I'm gonna go over to South, South, South Africa and help free N- Nelson Mandela. I'm gonna become a monk. I think that's my calling." And I talked to a very good friend of mine, a story, Brother Christian, who is a monk, about that. And he was like, "Well, you have really great communication skills, Matthew. I think that I, I, I admire what you, your, you're calling to go do that, but maybe your way is to be in, in, in what you're doing in life, to communicate more and not become a hermit or a monk." And to answer your last question, it is something that I still consider and remind myself that I still have time to try and do it [laughs] if that's, if that's my calling.

Jay Shetty 2:59 [laughs] I love that. I love that, man. That's, that's beautiful, and, uh, I'm glad you stayed on the path you did, as you've gone on to definitely use those communication skills extremely effectively. And, and with the book, so the book's called Green Lights. Uh, like I said, it was a joy reading it, and this analogy that you create of green lights, uh,

Jay Shetty 3:18 tell, talk to us about what is a green light? But more deeply, for me, what I'm fascinated by is, how do you know when something's a green light? And sometimes do we miss them? Like, do we miss green lights as well?

Matthew McConaughey 3:32 Absolutely. Absolutely, we miss them all the time. Um, sometimes they're right in front of us. We don't see them daily 'cause we're not in a place to receive them, to recognize them, to be aware of them, to see a c- certain situation. We, we, there... Sometimes we see red and yellow lights where there're actually green lights. Sometimes we slow down and stop or feel like we're getting stopped when it's actually, no, it was, it was free. There was no glass on the, on, on the, on the floor. You could pass through that dark hallway. It was, it was, [laughs] it was a free ride.

Jay Shetty 4:01 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 4:01 Whatever that may be. A lot of times, I think, I know that we can create green lights, engineer them for our future by the choices we make daily. Um, I call it, it's a s- it's a version of delayed gratification. Uh, it's a version of ROI, return on our investments. It's like teeing ourself up, being kind to our future self, teeing up more green lights in our future. Um, they're based on a mix of responsibility and freedom, the choices we make compounding assets of our future. Um, if we, for instance, we could decide to say, "I'm gonna lie, cheat, steal, get a, get a short money green light right now for me," well, you're actually teeing up yellow and red lights in the future because everywhere you go, you gotta look over your shoulder and go, "Oh, is someone here that I lied, cheat, and stole from?" And the cop traffic, whatever that may be, as a metaphor. If we take care of our business today, it can be simple. Simple thing. Here's a simple green-light [laughs] thing. Put your coffee in your coffee filter the night before you go to bed. You're so happy the next morning just to press that button, 'cause sometimes it's hard to make your coffee when you hadn't had your coffee.

Jay Shetty 4:57 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 4:57 So there's, there can be simple little green lights where you tee yourself up for, for, um, be more success and ease in the future. And then, like I said, sometimes you can engineer them. Sometimes they will just fall in our lap. Um, and how do we g- how do, how do we find them? I've found that we find them by either enduring through something or pivoting and having a, having another look at something a different way, or raising the white flag and saying, "I give. I'm gonna live to fight another day 'cause I'm gonna fight another battle here."

Jay Shetty 5:25 Mm-hmm.

Matthew McConaughey 5:25 The tool for getting the, to them that I've written all about in the book is when faced with the inevitable, get relative. So when do we deem something inevitable, a situation? Like now, we're in COVID. It's inevitable. So you and I can sit here and go, "Oh, my God. When's this gonna end? I wish this was over. I wish we were back in the good old days." Nothing constructive in anything I just said. Nothing leading towards a green light. But can we say and recognize, like you did offline before we got on this, "Hey, I've really, it's really been a still, quiet time for me right now. I've been taking inventory." That's recognizing a green light in the red light we're in right now, and setting yourself up for more for that to remain a green light to make this useful time in whatever way you can. You're already cultivating and building a green light for your future in this red-light time. So in that version, another truth that's, that I believe is that every red and yellow light does reveal itself to be green somewhere in the rear view mirror of life. Sometimes we notice it today, sometimes next week, next month, next year, sometimes on our death bed, sometimes maybe our great, great, great, great grandkids will actually be the first recipients of the green light of some red light we had in our own life.

Jay Shetty 6:37 That's beautiful. I love that. I love the fact that it may outlive us. Like, we may not even get to see it. Like, I think that's-

Matthew McConaughey 6:46 Yeah

Jay Shetty 6:46 ... the, there's some real power in that because I think we have such an obsession with seeing, feeling, holding, experiencing, grabbing, having. And, and what you're actually saying is that if you're planting that seed right now for that green light-

Matthew McConaughey 7:04 Yeah

Jay Shetty 7:04 ... you may never actually experience it as the green light, but someone-

Matthew McConaughey 7:07 Right

Jay Shetty 7:07 ... in that legacy or lineage will get to experience it.

Matthew McConaughey 7:11 My father died in 1992. Major red light in my life. Red light for a, a, quite a while. I wr- in going through writing the book, I looked at the diaries. I was like, oh, with him passing away, the values that he had, you kind of had learned from him that you were doing, you know, a decent job of living by, but not really. Why wasn't I really doing a good job? Because I had him to rely on. He was alive. He was my safety net. He was above government and law to me. So Dad's there, I'll be, I'll be okay. I don't have to really commit. I don't really have to man up to this situation. I don't really have to, have the courage to do this 'cause my dad's here, he's got my back. Whoop, lost him. Oh, he's not here. Uh-oh. Um, and all of a sudden, everything that I revered, all the mortal things in life that I revered came down to eye level. All the things that I was condescending and patronizing, looking down upon, rose up to eye level. The world was flat. I could see further, wider, and clearer. I gained courage, confidence, uh, kindness, uh, um, d- became more of my true self and was more truthful. I don't believe I would've done that, I know I wouldn't have, if my dad was still alive at that point. Maybe I would've done it another time in life. But his passing, that red light passing revealed early green lights for me. And now in hindsight, I'm like, [whistles] I don't know if I'd be here. I don't know if I'd have the family I have. I don't know if I'd be who I was if my dad would not have passed. So it's not about denying the red light. It's not about covering up and saying, "Oh, it didn't happen." No, it happened, and it's a red light. But even the one we're in now, there's a great chance, we have the opportunity to look back at 2020, the most awkward and tragic year that we can remember, as a banner year of rebirth-

Jay Shetty 8:54 Hmm

Matthew McConaughey 8:54 ... and change, and a, and a year that really moved our floor. It's not a guarantee that we, we use it, but we have an opportunity to. And the seeds of those green lights, we're living in them right now, and we may not know what they are.

Jay Shetty 9:07 Yeah. No, that's a really, it's a, it's the most empowering perspective that we can live with. And, and it's not even just an, you know, and I know you consider yourself an optimist. I wouldn't even say that that perspective is just being optimistic, it's actually being the most introspecting and like you're saying, going inward to try and change that experience. But tell us about, you talked about your father and, uh, your relationship there. Tell us about how that was like in your childhood when obviously you wanted to make him proud, you wanted to, you know, make him feel something, and he had these expectations. How, did you align with those expectations or w- or was it different? [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 9:41 Nah, I don't think I aligned with those expectations for a while. Um, so I've got two older brothers.

Jay Shetty 9:47 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 9:47 Um, my older brother Rooster, who's 16 years older than me, uh, my dad was a, you know, he was trying to raise his young boys into men and he did a good job of that. He had expectations of that. He also believed in rite of passage and initiations. Um, and sometimes those were physical, um, and, and, and physical encounters with him or [laughs] at least he always told us, "Hey, you want a buck? You don't like how things are being run under this household? You know where to find the boss. I'm right here, ready whenever you are." My older brother took him up on that at about young 20s and from that day on, they were best friends. And my dad loved, he was looking for his boys to just, it was more that we would accept the challenge, have the courage to accept the challenge. That was it. That would've made him... I failed to do that a couple of times early in my life. I chickened out and, you know, in hindsight I kind of regret that I, that I did because he would've probably hugged me as soon as I said, "All right, Pop, I'm taking you on." He'd have probably been like, "That's my boy," and gave me a great hug and then it would've been over and we'd have moved on. So I was raised more by my mother. My dad became more successful at work, so had to be on the road more. Um, he and I kind of got to know each other for the first time, um, well it was one summer in the middle of my mom and dad's second divorce where he and I lived in a trailer park together and I kind of got to know him pretty good then, but I was very young then. The first time I really got to know him as somewhat of an adult was around 18 or 19. Um, and we, uh, we, we got to spend some time together and I was of age to go have a beer with him at the bar or hang around his friends and be a part of the stories I was hearing instead of just hearing about the stories the next day. Um, and one night we were walking out of this, this, this bar and I remember he was walking right behind me and the, as I passed out the, the door frame, um, to head into the parking lot, uh, this bouncer stepped behind me and put his hand on my dad's chest and said, "Did you pay, pay your tab, sir?" My dad was a big man and I saw my dad kind of look down at his hand and kind of slough it off and go, "Yeah, bud," 'cause we had paid the tab. We did pay the tab. But as he moved that hand, I, I, and, and, and, and, and the image- I had looking over my shoulder of another man putting his hand on my dad's chest as my dad was about to go tell that, to tell this guy, "Hey, bud, don't put your hands on me." Before that could even happen, I pounced this guy. I pounced this bouncer. Next thing I knew, I was being pulled off of him, and he was down on the floor 20 feet back in the bar over a table on his back.

Jay Shetty 12:27 What? [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 12:29 And I, it all just happened. And I remember that night, I got pulled off, and I'm kicking and screaming and grovelling, and I hear this voice in my ear, "That's enough, son. That's enough." And it was my dad. Well, that was a bit of a rite of passage for me-

Jay Shetty 12:45 Mm

Matthew McConaughey 12:45 ... in his eyes. I remember him calling all of his friends. "Oh, oh, hey, the youngest one, he's gonna be okay."

Jay Shetty 12:51 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 12:51 "I was... Wife's worried about him. He's gonna be okay. You gotta watch him, though. He's got a bit of a berserker switch."

Jay Shetty 12:57 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 12:57 And I remember that being like that act of, of taking that chance and that risk physically, um, was a rite of passage-

Jay Shetty 13:07 Mm

Matthew McConaughey 13:07 ... for him.

Jay Shetty 13:08 Mm.

Matthew McConaughey 13:08 And, and, and that's when he and I really became more buddies, and he was less my father to son. But then the, you know, sad thing is he moved on quite soon after that, um-

Jay Shetty 13:17 Mm

Matthew McConaughey 13:17 ... um, after I went to college. But he, yeah, he's in, he's in a few other great stories where he gave me some real privilege and freedom and approval of what I was trying to be in life.

Jay Shetty 13:27 Yeah. That's beautiful, man. Thank you for sharing that with us. Yeah, it's, uh, it's, it's interesting because you speak about in the book so many almost challenging situations that you went through early on, whether it was, uh, you know, being blackmailed for sex-

Matthew McConaughey 13:42 Yep

Jay Shetty 13:42 ... uh, you know, um, molested. Like, you know, but, but one of the things you said after that was like, you were like, "I've never felt like a victim in my life."

Matthew McConaughey 13:50 Mm.

Jay Shetty 13:50 And, and I was intrigued by that juxtaposition because one could look at a lot of those situations and feel that it was valid.

Jay Shetty 13:57 Where were you able to not see yourself as a victim, or what was that?

Matthew McConaughey 14:01 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 14:01 How have you done that in a healthy way?

Matthew McConaughey 14:02 Yeah. I mean, we could argue, you know, and, and, and it's worth, it's worth the world right now. It's in the conversation, defining victimhood.

Jay Shetty 14:14 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 14:15 Could you say in those situations I was a victim? Sure. I said I chose, I never felt I was a victim.

Jay Shetty 14:23 Mm.

Matthew McConaughey 14:23 I never chose to say, "Oh, I've been victimized." That may mean in your book or someone else's book legitimately I was a victim. So I'm not trying to illegitimateate the, the, the word victim.

Jay Shetty 14:34 Yeah, yeah. No, I didn't think you were.

Matthew McConaughey 14:35 I chose not to feel like I was a victim, and I did not. I understood when I got molested that time that that was a bad thing, that that was not how life worked. I was old enough to not be super confused about it. I was old enough to be pissed off because I had just come conscious, and this person was in this situation. I was old enough to go, "Whoa, whoa, whoa." I was also old enough to know that's not how the, most of the world works. You know? So it wasn't a confusing thing for me. So I was able to go, "Woo, glad I came to," you know, uh, when I did, and got the hell out of there. You know, uh, another, what was the other one? The, uh, the blackmail and sex.

Jay Shetty 15:10 Yeah, the, yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 15:10 I... Ah, geez, it wasn't ideal, man. And, and, and I, and I write a really interesting thing after that. Do you remember the line after that I said, "At the time, I was sure I was going to hell." Now-

Jay Shetty 15:22 Yeah, yeah, yeah. [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 15:23 I on-

Jay Shetty 15:23 I know what you say after that

Matthew McConaughey 15:24 ... now I only hope that that isn't the case. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 15:26 Yes. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah. That was, yeah, that was funny.

Matthew McConaughey 15:28 I was, that was the worst part about it is I w- I thought I was gonna be, you know, I thought I was raised to be a virgin until you're married.

Jay Shetty 15:35 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 15:36 And not only did I, was I no longer a virgin till I was married, I had been blackmailed into it, and I felt guilt and shame and, and, and, and, and all this stuff, and, ugh, it was not, it was not ideal. But I chose not to say, "Well, that's my lot. That's, that's what my relationship with sexual intercourse will always be." Uh, I chose not to d- you know, to, to just feel victimized in that and chose to try and turn the page, found healthy relationships, healthy sexual relationships. Um, and, you know, [laughs] then once I got old enough, my mom was like, "Oh, I know. We were just trying to make sure you weren't gonna... You know, we, we, we were preaching that, but I figured you might do it before you got married."

Jay Shetty 16:20 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 16:21 You know what I mean? And so, and that's another thing right there. What we're doing right here, I think a part of why I never felt like a victim, is you and I just laughed at that. And s- on paper, you go, "Wait a minute. Where's the joke? There's nothing funny about that."

Jay Shetty 16:36 Mm.

Matthew McConaughey 16:37 But let's recognize what we just did. Did you and I just deny the severity of what happened?

Jay Shetty 16:41 Not at all.

Matthew McConaughey 16:43 No. If anything, we dealt with it, and I can see it more clearly. Humor is such a revealer of truth, and, and, and it's, uh, I think it's good for us all to remember, and I gotta remind myself all the time, man. If you laugh at something, doesn't mean... You find humor in the situation, it can be incredibly great truthness. Some of the best truth comes out. It doesn't deny the crisis. It doesn't erase it. It doesn't wax over it and say, "Oh, I'm just living in the clouds. I'm a foolish optimist." No. It's more than a survival technique. It's actually a way of understanding. Um, anyway, that happened right there. That's, that's another thing that's been a real, a real good, uh, um, intrinsic value that I've had and been raised around, and which is in having a sense of humor to reveal-

Jay Shetty 17:29 Yeah

Matthew McConaughey 17:29 ... the truth in situations.

Jay Shetty 17:30 And the book has that, the book has that moment as you, as you're reflecting or recalibrating on a lot of the themes that are there in the book. And I, I, I was thinking about that the other day, that I, I feel... I was talking to someone about it. I was like, "I feel that way about both laughter and tears." Like they're-

Matthew McConaughey 17:46 Yeah

Jay Shetty 17:46 ... they're almost two things we try and hold back. Like, we're like, "Oh, you can't cry about that," or, "You can't laugh about that." And, and actually sometimes those are the two best things to do about most of those scenarios in life.

Matthew McConaughey 17:58 And why not do it more and more, you know? I know we're trying to raise our kids to say, "Hey," you know. I tell them a story, and this is part of why I got into, went into, finally went to film school-

Jay Shetty 18:07 Yeah

Matthew McConaughey 18:07 ... in college. I started keeping a diary because I would go to the ... theater, and it'd be a packed house, and I would laugh at the joke that nobody else in the theater laughed at. The whole theater would laugh at the joke that I was like, "I didn't think that was funny."

Jay Shetty 18:24 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 18:26 I was finding I was not crying when people, someone close died. I was crying when someone was born.

Jay Shetty 18:32 Mm.

Matthew McConaughey 18:33 And I was going, "Is this okay? Am I weird? Am I off?" And I was like, no, double- lean into that. It's okay, and let's start writing these things down-

Jay Shetty 18:39 Yeah

Matthew McConaughey 18:40 ... about how you feel about particular situations, Matthew, and, and started to write those down and then find some confidence to go, "That's okay." Talked to my parents, talked to friends about them. They were like, "No, that's different, but that's... You know, keep writing down those unique sides of yourself." And that, that's a good point. We try to raise our kids, hey, laugh, cry whenever. It's, come on. Let, let it out. Let it be part of the conversation. It goes along with people say, oh, don't... You know, that old adage, "Don't talk to yourself."

Jay Shetty 19:04 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 19:05 I'm, "What?"

Jay Shetty 19:05 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 19:06 No, do talk to yourself. Just remember to answer.

Jay Shetty 19:08 Yeah. [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 19:08 Talk to yourself all you want.

Jay Shetty 19:09 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 19:10 Just answer. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 19:11 I love that. Just answer. That's true. That, that's a great way of putting it.

Matthew McConaughey 19:14 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 19:14 Yeah, it's... And actually, that's- that's half the- half the challenge, right? Like, all of these, like, old kind of rules or statements or whatever it may be kind of block that thinking, but what you were doing by writing it down, and I love that, and I love how much of the book is, like, literally looks like scribbles of your-

Matthew McConaughey 19:32 Yeah

Jay Shetty 19:32 ... writing and your journals and your annotation, which, which I get fascinated by. But that was you. When you, when you talk about the concept of knowing who you are is hard and eliminating who you're not first-

Matthew McConaughey 19:44 Yes

Jay Shetty 19:44 ... it's when you start writing these things down that you start constructing who you are and deconstructing-

Matthew McConaughey 19:50 Right

Jay Shetty 19:50 ... who you're not.

Matthew McConaughey 19:51 Yes. That, that was it, and it was... Look, I look at my early diaries. I was writing when I first started, like, 15, right before I started writing those things down, like a, you know, a theater of how my own personal response was to situations. When do most of us go to a diary?

Jay Shetty 20:06 Mm.

Matthew McConaughey 20:07 When we're having problems. "Dear diary, uh, so-and-so broke up with me and broke my heart. Uh, the stuff I won't say to anybody else, it's just between me and you." Hard times. Early 20s, I started to notice that when I would find my groove and get rolling on something and was successful and w- and, and w- and was waking up in the morning looking forward to heading out into the day and was having good human interactions with people and was succeeding at school and s- I was like, you hadn't written in your diary in a while. Just like, when do w- when do we pray?

Jay Shetty 20:39 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 20:39 Usually when we're in trouble, right? [laughs]

Jay Shetty 20:41 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 20:41 And you gotta say, "Well, all right, I've been dissecting my failures. I think I need to start writing stuff down and make sure I take the time to write stuff down when things are going well so I can dissect my successes in the hopes that when I get into another rut again in the future, which I will, I can go back to my diaries and go, 'What were my habits back then when I felt like I was rolling?'"

Jay Shetty 21:00 Yeah. [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 21:01 And you can find a bit of science to that satisfaction.

Jay Shetty 21:04 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 21:04 It can be who you're hanging out with, where you were going, how late you were staying up, um, uh, what you were eating.

Jay Shetty 21:10 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 21:11 You know what I mean? It can be all kinds of things, and you can find a science to, "I'm gonna get back in that groove again," and it can help nudge you back. It's never the same, but it can help get you back in your lane. So, you know this identity, who are you, it's a tough question to answer. What is easier and, and, and more fun is to go, all right, if I'm not sure who I am, let me answer who I'm not. What are those people, places, and things that are giving me a hangover or not feeding me back-

Jay Shetty 21:36 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 21:36 ... or not bringing out my truest self? Well, you know what? I'm gonna eliminate those from my life. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm getting rid of where I don't want to be anymore. And by process of elimination, you end up-

Jay Shetty 21:46 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 21:47 ... with more things that will feed you and feed your good wolf right in front of you because you've eliminated the things that were feeding the bad wolf.

Jay Shetty 21:53 Yeah. That's, that's brilliant. You've reminded me. I, I believe I came across it when I was looking at Christianity, and I'd heard it, and it was a statement of, like, you know, "Don't make God or the Bible your spare tire. Make it your steering wheel," right? Like that kind of-

Matthew McConaughey 22:06 Right

Jay Shetty 22:06 ... way of thinking about it. Like, you know, it's not just for a bad time, and, and I love what you're saying there because you're s- you're spot on that we struggle to get into a groove again because we f- we forget what we did when things were good-

Matthew McConaughey 22:20 Yeah

Jay Shetty 22:20 ... because we never think about those things.

Matthew McConaughey 22:21 And when you're going good, you think you're never gonna forget them because you think, oh, this is it. This is the mean. This is how it will always be.

Jay Shetty 22:26 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 22:26 Uh-uh. [laughs] Trust it. That hill's coming. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 22:30 Yeah, and, and we, we remember the bad times more than the good times because when something good is happening, we celebrate for a day, and when something-

Matthew McConaughey 22:37 Yeah

Jay Shetty 22:37 ... bad's happening, we cry for a month, and we get so-

Matthew McConaughey 22:39 Yeah

Jay Shetty 22:40 ... immersed in that pain that you remember that pain. You have a good memory for pain, but we don't necessarily have a memory for, for movement and joy and growth.

Matthew McConaughey 22:51 Pleasure and success and those things.

Jay Shetty 22:52 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 22:52 Yeah, and I know I've have to watch this with me. When things are going really well, I'm like, "Aha. This, as I said, this is the mean. This is as it should be."

Jay Shetty 23:01 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 23:01 And, and you can just sustain this, and if it goes below this, that's a debit. But, eh, the, it, it should always be this high, and it's just not fair-

Jay Shetty 23:10 Yeah

Matthew McConaughey 23:10 ... to ourselves or anyone [laughs] else because either we're gonna create our own crisis for ourself or the world's gonna give us one-

Jay Shetty 23:17 Yeah

Matthew McConaughey 23:17 ... that we didn't ask for, and we're gonna have to adapt to something and be beneath that mean again. And it's good to have a little map, if you can, of wait, where was I? Where was my head? Where was my heart? How aligned were they in the decisions and choices I was making when I felt like life was one big green light?

Jay Shetty 23:36 Mm.

Matthew McConaughey 23:36 And you can go back, and you can see how you can engineer them by our habits.

Jay Shetty 23:40 Yeah. It's, it's like w- I mean, using your beautiful metaphor, it's like remembering a route or a path to somewhere. Like when you knew you found that really cool path up that really beautiful road-

Matthew McConaughey 23:49 Mm-hmm

Jay Shetty 23:49 ... and it was quicker and faster, and if you never wrote it down, you just forget it. But tell us, you, you said, like, we all have three choices. You were like persist, pivot, or concede.

Matthew McConaughey 23:58 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 23:58 How have you, how have you decided in your life when to persist, when to pivot, and when to concede because... And tell us, share some examples for those that you think-

Matthew McConaughey 24:08 Yeah

Jay Shetty 24:08 ... would help people understand.

Matthew McConaughey 24:09 Let's bring up a s- a situation, and if you can think of one, shoot it at me.

Jay Shetty 24:13 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 24:13 We can, we can deconstruct these three on that.

Jay Shetty 24:15 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 24:16 Look-

Jay Shetty 24:16 Well, maybe growing up to become a lawyer. Like, you know, you thought you wanted to become a lawyer. That may be one

Matthew McConaughey 24:21 Yeah, so I thought I wanted to become a lawyer. That was, that was the in-house, in-family credo. That was it. I was a great debater. I would win arguments. I c- I, I was tireless in them. I was in school debate in high school. This is it. Family business is going well. Shoot, the joke was you go become the... You'll defend the family's business, Matthew. Go ahead. Great. I'm heading off. Great idea. I go to University of Texas, headed towards law school. Well, the first two years in school, what are you taking? You're taking liberal arts, filling out some credits. After that sophomore year, you better start knowing where you want to go because you, those credits, you have to, they have to fill, fulfill the direction you're heading, and if you switch your majors junior, senior, you can lose credits.

Jay Shetty 24:59 Mm.

Matthew McConaughey 25:00 Well, I was not sleeping well with the idea that I got to finish school here, then I got to go to law school, then I got to try to get a job. And then if I'm a practicing lawyer, I'm really not making a mark or experiencing anything until in my 30s. I said, "I really don't. I'm not excited about the idea of spending my 30s getting educated in a classroom about something before I can actually practically experience it." So I had been writing, as y- as you know, and I started sharing those writings with a friend of mine who was at NYU film school. His name's Rob Bendler. He said he, the writings were good. And he also said, "You know what? You got great character and confidence. You should think about in front of the camera, too." Well, that part I kind of was too, didn't have the courage to even embrace the idea of being in front of the camera. It was too avant-garde. I came from a blue collar, work your way up. The idea of being an actor, uh, I mean, that's like, that's so European. You know what I mean?

Jay Shetty 25:51 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 25:51 Or whatever. And it's so, [laughs] oh, what, what is that? Man, that'll never fly. But I could grasp the idea that I'll go, I want to go be a storyteller behind the camera.

Jay Shetty 26:00 Mm.

Matthew McConaughey 26:01 Now I got to call Dad and Mom, who are paying my schooling for this.

Jay Shetty 26:04 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 26:05 Um, I got to pivot. All right? Now, I could have kept my head down and just gone, "No, this is just a pipe dream you got right now. Law, you will work. Just follow it through. You'll be a damn good lawyer." Which I believe I would've been. I could have persisted, but I said, "No, I got, I got to, I got to pivot here." Now, how do I pivot here? I got to get the approval of Mom and Dad, especially Dad, and I don't think this is going to go over well with him. So let me make a plan how to reapproach this situation. I'm going to call him Tuesday night, 7:30. He'll be home from work. He'll have had dinner. He'll be having a beer on the couch with Mom. He'll be in a great mood. He'll be able to digest this infront-

Jay Shetty 26:39 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 26:39 ... this, this question better. I call him up and I said, "Pop," I said, uh... And he goes, "Hey, little buddy." I said, uh, "Dad, I don't want to go to law school anymore. I want to go to film school." And I hear this pause, five seconds. Then I hear this voice. "Well, son, you sure that's what you want to do?" I said, "Yes, sir." Another pause for five seconds. And then I heard three words that were a launchpad for me coming from my dad at that time. He couldn't have said anything better, and I did not expect this. Three words were, "Well, don't half-ass it."

Jay Shetty 27:13 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 27:15 Oh, thank you. Not only did you approve, you shot me out of a shotgun and said, "This is more than a privilege. You got your freedom here, and you better do a damn good job at it." Whoa, it was freedom, and I was off. Went to film school, s- got confidence in telling stories, started working in front of the camera, and here I sit, whatever, 20, 30 years later. So I made a pivot at that time because the idea of s- continuing on to go down the path of being a lawyer just, it wasn't, I wasn't sleeping well. It's always a good way for me to explain to someone, how are you sleeping with it?

Jay Shetty 27:50 Mm.

Matthew McConaughey 27:50 What's waking you up at night? The idea of doing it or the idea of losing it or missing it?

Jay Shetty 27:55 Mm.

Matthew McConaughey 27:55 It's a good way to measure kind of-

Jay Shetty 27:57 Yeah

Matthew McConaughey 27:57 ... what choices we got to, we want to make in life. Well, you know, I do it with scripts all the time. I, I really want to do this. Well, let me sleep with, with the fact that I am going to do it-

Jay Shetty 28:07 Yeah

Matthew McConaughey 28:07 ... for two weeks. And I'm going to see what wakes me up at night. Am I waking up because I'm going, "Oh, man, I'm not sure if I trust that director or that script"? Now I'm going to sleep with the fact that I'm not doing this. Now what keeps me up at night? Waking up going, "No, I've got to do that project. I can't go without it." It's a good measuring stick for going, "Well, I think I'm going to do it." You know what I mean? So what, I wasn't sleeping well with the idea of being a lawyer. It would've, things would have worked out in another way and probably okay if I would've done that, but my soul was itching, and I was uncomfortable, and I made a pivot at that time.

Jay Shetty 28:40 Yeah. That's, that's a great one. Everyone who's listening and watching right now, I literally want you to write these two things down because these are practical things that you can do, and I know that my community loves stuff that they can actually do. The first one here was write down your wins, write down those grooves, write down when things are going in the right direction, uh, the green lights, and what's going right and how you're doing it, who you're around, what's happening. And the second one here, I love this piece of advice. Like, sleep with it as if you are going to do it, right?

Matthew McConaughey 29:07 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 29:07 Or sleep with it as if you're not going to do it.

Matthew McConaughey 29:09 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 29:09 Like, both of those are great-

Matthew McConaughey 29:11 Do both

Jay Shetty 29:11 ... yeah, great ways of testing which one you woke up feeling more excited about-

Matthew McConaughey 29:16 Yep

Jay Shetty 29:16 ... or nervous about or anxious about and what part of it. Like, that's such a... I love that. Like, that's so practical. I've never, I've never thought about it like that, and I think I'm gonna, I'm gonna play with that one, too.

Matthew McConaughey 29:25 It's a cool decision-making paradigm if you can give yourself enough time to really commit in your mind, like, "I'm doing this."

Jay Shetty 29:31 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 29:31 And you'll start to realize, well, what does that mean for the next six months of my life, the next year? What am I gonna miss out on? Uh, or, or, God, are, are, are you, are you thinking about everything you're gonna do with that?

Jay Shetty 29:41 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 29:41 And it's more of a reason it's waking you up at night 'cause you just can't wait to get up and work on it. That's another thing that's saying, "Yeah, probably I'll do it." There's, there's good scared and there's bad scared.

Jay Shetty 29:51 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 29:51 You know?

Jay Shetty 29:51 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 29:52 It's nice to go in any situation and be scared, but you let your spider sense say, "Wait, am I, am I scared because this is a great challenge and I'm not sure what I'm gonna do, but I'm, got the courage to dive in? Or am I scared because the pedigree around it isn't maybe up to the excellence that I want?" And that's a- another kind of scared. You're like, "I need to listen to that. Maybe that's a reason not to do it."

Jay Shetty 30:12 Yes. Yes. Yeah, I love that distinction between the two, and that links nicely to one of the other quotes that stuck out to me in the book where you were like, you know, when you can-

Jay Shetty 30:21 Ask yourself if you want to before you do.

Matthew McConaughey 30:24 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 30:24 And I thought, I was like, "Yeah, that's- that's real right there," because there's a lot of things... And- and actually, it's one of the biggest things I hear a lot of is I'm always encouraging people to move towards their- their purpose, and things that fulfill them and- and- and moving in that direction, and pivoting as you did. And- and a big part of that question is, "But I can do so many things," right? And that's a common thing where people-

Matthew McConaughey 30:45 Yeah

Jay Shetty 30:45 ... are like, "Oh, but I could do every- I could do this, I could do that, I could do this." But you have this really distinction, ask yourself if you want to. Walk us through that-

Matthew McConaughey 30:52 Yeah

Jay Shetty 30:52 ... and why that was such an important one to write down and push out.

Matthew McConaughey 30:56 Well, it- it worked its way into a nice little limerick riddle as it laid out, and it's got, you know, there's different ways to look at the- the- the line. Um, look, too many options can make tyrants of all of us. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 31:09 Mm-hmm.

Matthew McConaughey 31:09 You know?

Jay Shetty 31:10 Yep.

Matthew McConaughey 31:10 The- the devil's in the yeses-

Jay Shetty 31:12 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 31:12 ... more than the nos. You know what I mean?

Jay Shetty 31:15 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 31:15 I mean, I've been there, where let's say me, you know, after I got famous in the Time to Kill, my life did a 180. The Friday before Time to Kill came out, there were 100 scripts I wanted to do and would've done anything to do 'em. But 99 were, "No, you cannot do 'em," and one of 'em was yes.

Jay Shetty 31:38 Mm.

Matthew McConaughey 31:38 Well, over one weekend, I got a movie that does well, Time to Kill. That Monday, out of those 100 scripts, all of a sudden it was 99 are yes, they're yours, go for it, please. They're all green lights. Please do 'em. One of 'em's a no. And I'm going, "Whoa, wait a minute. In a matter of 72 hours, I, three days ago, would've done any of this and couldn't do any, and now you're telling me I can do all of them? Well, like, all of them look great."

Jay Shetty 32:02 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 32:02 "I mean, uh, uh, you're asking me to be discerning right now and to ask inside my soul when my head is just spinning, going, 'Wait a minute. Two days ago, I would've done any of these.' How do I know what I wanna do? I wanna do all of them. But wait, Matthew, there's only 24 hours in the day. I know, but I need 90 hours in the day. Anybody giving that?" Nope, they're not giving that. Still 24 hours in the day.

Jay Shetty 32:22 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 32:23 "Uh, what do I gotta do?" Well, for me, I had to get the hell out of Dodge, get out of, you know, Hollywood and go hear myself think. Let- let my- let my memories catch up. Let my brain get reconnected to my heart and soul, and get an Autobond in there, because at the moment, at that time, there was a, there was a one-lane gravel road and it was bumpy driving. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 32:40 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 32:40 You know, between the old head and the, head and the heart. So I took off and had to go listen to, try to listen to myself and get some dis- you know, some sort of demarcations between all this frequency of options that were now on top of me. Um, I don't know if that answers your question. [laughs] I just went off on a little riff.

Jay Shetty 33:00 It does. It- it does. It does. I- I was gonna follow it up with, um, what's the hardest no you think you've ever had to say? Like, what was, like, the one which-

Matthew McConaughey 33:08 Yeah

Jay Shetty 33:08 ... you were like, "This was, like, this challenged me, where I- I wanted to say yes but- but I had to follow my own advice and say no"?

Matthew McConaughey 33:16 Well, the hardest no for me, and I'll base this on career-

Jay Shetty 33:22 Yep

Matthew McConaughey 33:22 ... was about 14 years ago, and the- the story's in the book, of when I was rom-com king.

Jay Shetty 33:28 Yeah. Yeah, okay. Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 33:30 Um, they were fun. They were easy. I loved doing 'em. I was getting paid big bank for doing 'em.

Jay Shetty 33:36 We missed them. [laughs] My wife does, for sure.

Matthew McConaughey 33:39 There's, you know, I mean, there's... Hope maybe I still got another good one in the, in me-

Jay Shetty 33:42 Yeah. [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 33:42 ... in me out there. Um, they were making money for the studios. I was the go-to rom-com guy. And, like I said, they were Saturday characters. They were easy. There was nothing wrong with that. But I was feeling very vital in my life.

Jay Shetty 33:56 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 33:56 I just had a newborn son. I'd met the woman that I'm- I'm now married to, and I- I loved harder. I- I- I- I had- I was, could get angrier harder. I laughed louder. I- I, my life was, like, vital. And I was like, "Boy, my- my- my- my life's so much more vital than my work. I wish I could find some characters that would challenge the vitality of my own life, the man I'm in, the man I am and the life I'm living." So I wanted dramas. I was looking for these dramas. Well, those dramas weren't coming. So this goes back to process of elimination. If I can't get what it is I wanna do, I'm gonna stop doing what it is I've been doing that's not-

Jay Shetty 34:35 Mm

Matthew McConaughey 34:35 ... filling me up.

Jay Shetty 34:35 Right.

Matthew McConaughey 34:36 So I made a staunch stance and said, "I'm not gonna do the rom-coms anymore. I'm not doing the action adventures." Well, guess what? If you're not gonna do those, McConaughey, you may not be working for a while. And that was true.

Jay Shetty 34:48 Mm.

Matthew McConaughey 34:49 For 20 months I didn't work.

Jay Shetty 34:52 That's a long time.

Matthew McConaughey 34:53 For 15 of those 20 months, I got offered zero, nada, zilch. I was gone. I thought Hollywood may have forgot about me. So it was a big no, the hardest no, because I'm sitting there this time getting offered $15 million offers for well-written, cool romantic comedies. I'm like, "They're pretty damn good. And by the way, it's even better, the version at $50 million is a better script than the- the one that was offered at $8 million," even though they were the same words. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 35:21 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 35:22 And I was like, "Well..." You know? So I- I looked at those things, but I said, "No. I- I- I made this choice with myself. I made this choice with God. I made this choice with my wife, Camila. Uh, my family knows about it. Uh, I really need to go through this dry period. I don't know how long it's gonna last. I gotta hang onto the belief that if it's to be, something will come up. The work I wanna find will come up and find me." And sure as heck, 20 months into it, all of a sudden, I was a new good idea. So I had an unbranding two-year phase.

Jay Shetty 35:53 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 35:53 I didn't rebrand, I unbranded.

Jay Shetty 35:55 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 35:55 I was gone. I wasn't in the rom-coms. You didn't see me on the beach without a shirt. "Where's McConaughey?"

Jay Shetty 36:00 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 36:00 "I don't know. He's forgotten. Forget it. Don't even send him another script 'cause he's not gonna do it. It's a rom-com." All of a sudden, someone's going, "You know what'd be good for Killer Joe, Magic Mike, Mud, True Detective, Dallas Buyers Club? McConaughey'd be a good idea."

Jay Shetty 36:12 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 36:12 It's kind of an interesting i- it's a novel idea now. It wasn't novel two years before, you know? So that was a big time where I- I dug my heels in and said, "No." ... eliminated what it was I was doing to then find and be found and offered what it is I wanted to do and who I wanted to become.

Jay Shetty 36:33 That's a great connection to that answer. Like, I, I wasn't thinking of that when I said that. That's a, that's, that's a great connection to that because almost un-branding or un-learning or almost like you said, disappearing is, is the hardest way of refining your identity because you don't know what the next step is, so there's a leap in that darkness. There's that-

Matthew McConaughey 36:53 You're, you're, you've thr- you're consciously and deliberately and intentionally throwing yourself into limbo.

Jay Shetty 37:00 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 37:00 Which is the worst thing. We're all in a certain limbo right now. It's the most uncomfortable part. It's part of the reason our country's divided so wide right now because people need purpose, identity, and something to cling onto, so they're clinging onto the fringes just to have a sense of, "Okay, at least I'm about something. I don't know if I agree what it's about, but at least I'm about something."

Jay Shetty 37:19 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 37:19 You know what I mean? [laughs]

Jay Shetty 37:20 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 37:20 And it, it's, it's, it's you're throwing yourself into a limbo. And then, look, I had help. I had, I had a great wife next to me helping me out. I had a newborn son, which was my North Star compass every day. Every time I'd get antsy, "What am I doing? I have no significance in my life. I don't know what I'm gonna do." Da... I was like, "Well, look at, look at your family. Look at that young, look at that young man right there that you were part of creating and that you can raise as a father. It's a brand new day for him every single day. Let's try and see what he's seeing or put things in front of him that are gonna make him go, 'Ah, I like this next day.'" So that was, that was... That gave me an anchor during that time when I was getting wa- when I was, had some times of being quite wobbly.

Jay Shetty 38:01 Yeah. No, that's, that's beautiful, man. I, I think that that is, is a great lesson for all of us. And a- it's so funny that, you know, when I was reading your book, and literally in the last couple of weeks I've been talking to my team because I've been coming off, like I was saying to you earlier, my, my book space. And, and I was looking at 2021 and, and I was kind of having this moment where I was like... And it, it's, it literally timed when I was reading your book. I was like, "I need to start saying no next year." Like, that's my next challenge. Like, my challenge next year is to go deeper in what I've committed to and do it better and, and-

Matthew McConaughey 38:34 Yes

Jay Shetty 38:34 ... go into just immersing myself into it rather than trying to do every, you know, trying to do all these things, where at one point in my life it was really important that I was trying to do a lot of things.

Matthew McConaughey 38:44 Yep.

Jay Shetty 38:44 And, and now it's-

Matthew McConaughey 38:45 Well, you're probably being offered to do things you've never been able offered to do before.

Jay Shetty 38:48 Totally. And, and it's like-

Matthew McConaughey 38:50 So yeah, please, thank you. I'd love to.

Jay Shetty 38:52 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 38:53 Yeah. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 38:53 And, and I'm literally in that f- I'm in that phase of my life right now, a- and this phase of it, where I'm like, "Okay, well, actually, I, I need to stop that." So it, it just came so perfectly timed, and it was so interesting. I was saying to someone the other day, I was like, "There's all these opportunities, but, you know, it, it's not gonna work if I, if I just keep chasing them." And I loved how you brought that back to relationships because this, this part of it I think... And, and, you know, the relationship you have with your, your, your kids, your, your wife is beautiful, but it's like, it's, it's really interesting the way you explained it. Like, the arrow doesn't seek the target, the target draws the arrow.

Matthew McConaughey 39:27 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 39:27 And, and you said that you weren't even in a space where you were seeking partnership. You weren't even, you weren't even looking for it. And I think this is... You know, when you just said that, like, "Even though I didn't know what was next and I un-branded myself, but I had my son and I could look at what I'd created," I think for a lot of people, they're struggling because even their relationship world is in limbo, whether they don't have the right partner or they, they don't have a partner. And, and, you know, their, their work life's kind of going, but they don't have that.

Jay Shetty 39:55 Where was it for you where you felt you attracted your wife? Like, where, where did that come from?

Matthew McConaughey 40:00 Yeah. So I, um... You know, we all have our biological clock and our idea when we're younger of when do we see ourself-

Jay Shetty 40:10 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 40:11 ... oh, having a, meeting that, that woman or that man and then, then having a family, you know? And, and then those years come up on us. I, I, I'd never really been a time clock keeper.

Jay Shetty 40:21 Mm.

Matthew McConaughey 40:21 Um, but subconsciously, I, I, I was at a time in my life where I sure as heck didn't wanna date anybody unless I thought it had possibilities of becoming a full, true, long-term relationship.

Jay Shetty 40:37 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 40:37 I didn't want to... I wasn't wanting to waste my time dating someone unless that potential was there. Um, and if there wasn't, well, it was time for us to move on, and we had some amiable breakups with some wonderful women that we just both saw, "Hey, this is not gonna... We both, we both want to find the one that we have more potential. We've gotten to a point as far as I think we can go." So, you know. Um, but I did find myself looking. I found myself in the produce section at the store-

Jay Shetty 41:08 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 41:08 ... looking down, wondering if she, she had a ring on her finger. I wonder if maybe I'll say hi to her. I was, I was kind of looking, you know, at the red light, at the, at a club or a bar, or a friend would introduce. And-

Jay Shetty 41:18 That's a movie scene

Matthew McConaughey 41:18 ... what I did in my own thoughts and meditation and prayers, and what came to me was, "It's okay, Matthew. Don't try so hard to find the right woman to start a family. I know everything you've alwa- the one thing you've only known you ever wanted to be was a father, but you don't, don't try so hard to find the right woman to get married. I- i- you might end up an 80-year-old, 88-year-old bachelor with a bunch of kids, and I'm not gonna judge you on that, but quit trying to make it happen." And as soon as I quit trying to make it happen and what I was out and not sort of measuring women, like maybe as a possibility, maybe not objectifying, like, "Well, I don't know. You m-" I was more present, I was more fun, I was more me. And soon as I quit looking, that's when she came. [laughs] Not the same way I did, but when she showed up and I-

Jay Shetty 42:07 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 42:07 ... saw her now, my now wife moving across the room, uh, right to left in my eye line, and I remember I saw this woman and, and, and under my breath to myself I said, "What is that?"

Jay Shetty 42:19 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 42:19 I didn't say, "Who is it?" I said, "What is that?" I got up, introduced myself, spoke the best Spanish I've ever spoke.

Jay Shetty 42:25 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 42:25 I've never spoken that good of Spanish since.

Jay Shetty 42:28 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 42:28 And, um, one of... And since that night I met her, there's never been another woman I wanted to, to go on a date with, uh, spend a night with, uh, a- a- anything. And she's now mother of three of our children and, and, and we've been married now for, shoot, what are we coming on, um, eight, nine years?

Jay Shetty 42:47 Mm.

Matthew McConaughey 42:48 And that's when I was able to found, find her. That's when I was able enough... It goes back to a little of one of those earlier lessons with my father at the movement on be less impressed, more involved.

Jay Shetty 42:57 Yes, yes.

Matthew McConaughey 42:58 That's when I was, I was comfortable to be myself and, and give, give her her space because I wasn't, like, trying to dissect, "Wait, are you the one?" I wasn't playing, I wasn't measuring her. I was able to be myself, hold my own constitution. She was able to be herself, and we naturally came together.

Jay Shetty 43:16 Mm.

Matthew McConaughey 43:16 So it drew the... I, I, the, the, uh, the, the target drew the arrow-

Jay Shetty 43:21 Yeah

Matthew McConaughey 43:21 ... when I quit looking. I then, that's when I found the one for me.

Jay Shetty 43:24 I have to ask, do you dream a lot, Matthew? Do you remember your dreams a lot when you dream? Like, is it-

Matthew McConaughey 43:29 Oh, I remember ones like that.

Jay Shetty 43:30 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 43:30 Um, look-

Jay Shetty 43:31 You never forget about it

Matthew McConaughey 43:32 ... I have, I, I do dream a lot. Um, and like most people, most dreams, I forget most of them, but I have had a few that are consistent, that have, that, that have been recurring dreams. And when I have a recurring dream that is note for note, shot for shot exactly the same dream, I take that as a sign, celestial suggestion at least-

Jay Shetty 43:56 Mm

Matthew McConaughey 43:56 ... that my subconscious is trying to tell me something or my God is trying to tell me something. Um, and I, and I, and I try to back up and go, "Okay, I need to listen to this." And you can't go to someone else for advice about it 'cause it's only your dream.

Jay Shetty 44:09 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 44:09 And it was a dream. So you have to really go, "How much merit do I give this?"

Jay Shetty 44:13 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 44:14 You know? And you were talking about it earlier, the truths, sometimes we don't, we miss the green lights around us.

Jay Shetty 44:19 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 44:20 They're there.

Jay Shetty 44:21 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 44:21 Are we in a place to receive them? Are we in a place to be patient enough to make them personal and see why they came to us? Then are we courageous enough to act on them and preserve them and make them part of our daily habits and inner being?

Jay Shetty 44:37 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 44:37 They come around all the time, and as you know, you can't listen to every sign.

Jay Shetty 44:41 No. [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 44:41 Or you're running miracles. You know?

Jay Shetty 44:43 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 44:43 I've done that before.

Jay Shetty 44:44 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 44:45 When everything... You know, you're seeing art everywhere. Oh, my gosh, I got that quote in there about, "A man full of ideas needs to be, needs some starvation. A man full of truths needs to be fed."

Jay Shetty 44:52 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 44:52 Well, I've had those times where I'm full of so many ideas every- I'm inspired everywhere, and I'm going, "I gotta cut some of this out because there's too much inspiration." [laughs]

Jay Shetty 45:00 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 45:00 I can't, I can't focus. There, it's a shotgun spread, and I need a little rifle here.

Jay Shetty 45:04 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 45:05 Um, and at the same time, you don't want to be so closed up that you're missing them or you let them pass and you don't give them credit when they, when they come.

Jay Shetty 45:12 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 45:13 You know?

Jay Shetty 45:13 Yeah, yeah. You, one of your dreams, obviously not, not a dream while you were asleep, was to become a father, like, that has always been a big thing for you. What was it that you dreamed of about being a father that you looked forward to so much, and how has it been un- like how has that been completely surpassed in reality?

Matthew McConaughey 45:30 Yeah. So-

Jay Shetty 45:31 'Cause I'm not a father yet, so, so I'm-

Matthew McConaughey 45:33 You're not

Jay Shetty 45:33 ... not, I'm not yet.

Matthew McConaughey 45:34 Not yet.

Jay Shetty 45:34 Not yet, yeah. So.

Matthew McConaughey 45:35 Well, so I remember when I was eight years old, this, having this romantic realization that the reason my dad wanted me to call the men that he would introduce me to sir and shake their hand and look them in the eye, which I was looking up at their eye as a young eight-year-old boy. It came to me that what's the one consistency in all these men that I am giving them the respect of, "Yes, sir"? Why am I calling them sir? 'Cause they're fathers.

Jay Shetty 46:02 Mm.

Matthew McConaughey 46:04 And I remember at eight years old going, "Oh, that's it."

Jay Shetty 46:07 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 46:08 "That's when you've made it. That's success as a male on Earth, to become a father."

Jay Shetty 46:15 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 46:15 So to me, that was like ta-da, one day, then you've made it, Matthew.

Jay Shetty 46:20 Mm.

Matthew McConaughey 46:21 That was always very clear to me since I was eight years old, and the one thing I always knew I wanted to be. Now I have children. You'll have the first if and when you do have. I write about in the book, the first six months after you have your firstborn, don't double down, triple down on any instinct you have. Man is never more masculine and clear. The man's heart and head and spirit are never more aligned than right after he has a firstborn. Triple down on any instincts you got, career-wise, relationship-wise, everything. You're in the zone.

Jay Shetty 46:52 Good to know.

Matthew McConaughey 46:53 Um, um, and so then you have them. The, the, the thing that... One of the surprising things, and all parents I think know this, is that before having children, I thought it was more about environment than it was DNA. [laughs] Like, you have children and, and you realize really, nope, more about biology than I thought. They kind of are who they are. [laughs] I can nudge them and shepherd them and move them their way and put in front of them what turns them on and try to keep them from, from dangerous harm, but they are who they are. Um, the best thing that I didn't notice about having children before I had children is that now I'm immortal. I'm immortal. Hopefully they have kids, and that's the lineage. So now when pr- whatever perceivable shadow we leave when we're gone, [sighs] that's my sh- that's the shadow I want to leave. That's the shadow that will keep me alive forever. That's the just keep living shadow right there. You become immortal when you become a father or a parent.

Jay Shetty 47:51 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 47:51 A mother becomes immortal.

Jay Shetty 47:53 Mm. That's great.

Matthew McConaughey 47:54 You raise your children.

Jay Shetty 47:54 That's great advice. That is, that's beautiful. What's, what's a skill or a, what's, what's a skill or a quality that you think you're most wanting to see them develop? They, or, or, or, and, and vice versa, what's something that you think they've taught you about yourself that-

Matthew McConaughey 48:09 Yeah

Jay Shetty 48:09 ... you didn't expect?

Matthew McConaughey 48:10 Um, I... Camila and I are trying to, hoping to raise them, whatever they individually, uh, known individual ways, to be, uh, conscientious, autonomous, and confident. ... people. Um, we value family. We also value self-reliance. Um, I wanna, you know, and you'll see if and when you become a parent, you, you, you, you have to measure. Kids aren't afraid to fall, fall off out of a tree until they fall.

Jay Shetty 48:48 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 48:50 So how high on that limb do you let them go before telling them, "No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Come down now"?

Jay Shetty 48:56 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 48:56 'Cause for the first time when you do that, they're like, "What? What's the big..." And all of a sudden they get nervous.

Jay Shetty 49:00 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 49:00 So you measure in life, and it's a metaphor, the tree limb, but you measure. Well, I'm gonna be cool, because if they fall from that one, they may just scrape their arm and bruise themself, and that, that'll be worth it. I don't wanna, I don't wanna ruin the innocence and purity that they have. But then all of a sudden they get up to a limb taller and you're like, "Dude, if they fell from that, that's, we're going to the hospital. I think I may need to tell them to come on down." But for the first time you're gonna make them conscious.

Jay Shetty 49:21 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 49:22 You're gonna have to put on the fig leaf. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 49:23 Yeah. [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 49:24 You know what I mean? Um, so to measure that-

Jay Shetty 49:28 Mm

Matthew McConaughey 49:28 ... and let them negotiate situations on themselves, for themselves.

Jay Shetty 49:34 Mm.

Matthew McConaughey 49:34 Let them, the three of... Don't interrupt every time the three of them are arguing or they're arguing with their friends. Let them negotiate. That's real life. They're gonna get out. The world's not just gonna lay out a carpet for them.

Jay Shetty 49:43 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 49:44 In my life we're an affluent family. I wanna give my children a lot. I want them to own up to where the affluence that we have, but damn sure not rely on it.

Jay Shetty 49:53 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 49:53 And then also, how do we define success? It's a very interesting thing. Look up the earliest Webster dictionary version of success to today's version of success. Today is about, it mentions like fame and money and all these things, [laughs] and the original version talks about integrity and, and, and... So, so what is success?

Jay Shetty 50:13 Wow.

Matthew McConaughey 50:13 What do we, what do, what do they wanna be relevant for? They're all three very kind children. Some more ki- one of them is more conscientious than the other two.

Jay Shetty 50:22 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 50:22 One of them is the, the, the, the, the, the, the comedic relief in the family, but smart as a whip. The other one is very creative but doggone it, doesn't know where-

Jay Shetty 50:33 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 50:34 ... she put her glasses and they're on her face. The other one, when you're looking for your glasses, she reminds you, on, uh, he reminds you they're on your face. You know what I mean?

Jay Shetty 50:41 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 50:41 So there, there are different... They're just, some of them are very practical at times, some of them are very whimsical. They're all very, very kind. Um, and, uh, I hope them be, that they're conscientious, autonomous, and confident with who they are, and have the ability to, you know... We, we still say, we never, we never say, "Don't talk to strangers."

Jay Shetty 51:00 Mm.

Matthew McConaughey 51:00 No. We travel the world and we're like, "Yes. Go introduce yourself. Go ask them. No, no, no, I'm not gonna do it for you. Go. I'll, I'll be over here watching. Engage." The world's a good place. There's evil in it. We have to... But, but I don't wanna, don't wanna get you gun-shy about the harms in the world before, you know, you realize some of them yourself. And let them engage in some where they may have the bruise or the scrape. I don't wanna engage them in the ones that send them to the hospital.

Jay Shetty 51:27 Of course.

Matthew McConaughey 51:28 But [laughs] engage in the ones that you come away going, "Ow, that didn't feel like what I thought. Eh, that"ll, like... As I said, don't [laughs] ... You, now you know. You know? So selfish, you know... Well, that's another thing. I can get into what I f- what I feel about that word selfish and unpack that, 'cause I am a fan of that word because-

Jay Shetty 51:47 Yeah, go for it

Matthew McConaughey 51:47 ... I think the most selfish is actually being the most selfless.

Jay Shetty 51:50 Mm-hmm.

Matthew McConaughey 51:51 Um, people, you know? Look at what we're in now and all the change we're going through. I don't know how to make systemic c- change. I don't know how to write policy. But each one of us know how to look ourselves in the mirror and say, "How can I do a little bit better?"

Jay Shetty 52:06 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 52:07 How can I value values a little bit more for myself? And if I do that, you do that, and another person listening does that, well, all of a sudden, [whistles] we start forming a collective, and that collective will be better.

Jay Shetty 52:18 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 52:18 It will be a more valuable society.

Jay Shetty 52:21 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 52:21 So where does that spot where the choice, I call it the egotistical utilitarian, where is that spot where the choices we make for us, "Yes, I'm doing this for me. My ego wants to do this," where does that I meet the we?

Jay Shetty 52:32 Yes.

Matthew McConaughey 52:33 Where does the want meet the need and the need meet the want?

Jay Shetty 52:36 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 52:36 Where do we look as good as we feel and feel as good as we look? [laughs] You know what I mean?

Jay Shetty 52:39 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 52:40 Where, where do those overlap? And that seems to me to be the honey hole-

Jay Shetty 52:44 Yeah

Matthew McConaughey 52:44 ... that I'm trying to unpack and continually chase, knowing I'm never gonna get there.

Jay Shetty 52:51 Mm.

Matthew McConaughey 52:53 But I think that's what it's about.

Jay Shetty 52:54 Totally. [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 52:55 Chasing, yet that's what our lives are about. That's what America's about. You know, it's an aspiration, and if we have the will and the want to go, "You know what? I wanna incrementally..." I, I incrementally believe life is a, gonna have a e- evolutionary small ascension, that things can improve just a little bit, or what the hell are we growing older for? What's experience for if we're not kinda, you know, if there's not at least a little ascension? Um, and keep chasing it. Stay in the race. Commit to the chase of that. And that is as close to the destination [laughs] as we get, you know? Again, maybe it'll be realized two generations later, you know?

Jay Shetty 53:34 Yeah. Yeah, there's a few things in there. The, uh, there's a Sanskrit word called dharma which, which has lots of translations, but one of them is, is purpose, and, and purpose is seen as the meshing of passion and compassion. And so what you were saying-

Matthew McConaughey 53:49 Mm

Jay Shetty 53:49 ... there of, like, that understanding of, like, you know, that egotistic utilitarian of, like, you know, where is it that I feel like I'm winning and we're winning? Like, and it's-

Matthew McConaughey 53:58 Yes

Jay Shetty 53:58 ... and it's having an impact.

Matthew McConaughey 53:59 Yes.

Jay Shetty 53:59 Right? Because you're not gonna find it in either/or. Like, if you get obsessed with just your egotistical pursuits, we all know where that goes.

Matthew McConaughey 54:07 Yep.

Jay Shetty 54:07 And if you just get obsessed with trying to make a difference and trying to serve but you don't feel like you are playing your part in a way-

Matthew McConaughey 54:14 Yep

Jay Shetty 54:14 ... that fulfills you, it's, you know, you, it's unsustainable too. And the point you were saying about ch- yeah, the point you were saying about children-

Matthew McConaughey 54:21 That's frosty

Jay Shetty 54:22 ... yeah, the point, the point you were saying about children too, I, I found that really interesting because something I always kind of wonder about before I have kids is, like, fragility and, like, what is my fragility- ... uh, barrier or limit for my kids. Because what you're saying there is, like, we reflect our fragilities and insecurities onto them.

Matthew McConaughey 54:43 Right.

Jay Shetty 54:43 And, and, and I remember I had a, I had a, I had a couple of friends who, I remember they, their daughter probably, I don't know, like two years old, was like on the other side of the room, and there were candles there. And she was just playing with the candles, like her hands were over the fire. And, and my... And I don't have kids, but my instinctual response was like, "Guys, sh- she's gonna burn herself. Like, we need to go save her." And they were like, "Nope, nope." Like, that was their limit. Like, they were like, "Nope, let her play with the fire. It's only a tiny candle. If she hurts herself, she'll know. She'll let..." And I was like, wow, like, you know, I'm not recommending that. I'm just saying it's, it's-

Matthew McConaughey 55:14 Yeah. Well, yeah, I mean, she'll go, "Ow." She'll remove her hand from the fire before she's actually really burned.

Jay Shetty 55:21 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 55:21 And she'll know from then on that that glowing thing is hot.

Jay Shetty 55:25 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 55:26 It burns. And it won't, you know, won't do it again, usually won't do it again.

Jay Shetty 55:29 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 55:29 And you know, we don't, we don't, we can be told what to do. We can be taught what to do.

Jay Shetty 55:33 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 55:33 People can give us advice, but really, we don't like to be told what to do.

Jay Shetty 55:37 No. [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 55:38 Nobody does. Kids don't even like to be told what to do.

Jay Shetty 55:41 No one does.

Matthew McConaughey 55:41 If you go experience something, and you have a parent or you have friends that let you go give it a shot-

Jay Shetty 55:46 Yeah

Matthew McConaughey 55:46 ... maybe you can pull it off. I didn't pull it o- I wasn't able to pull it. Sometimes you'll see them pull off stuff, you're like, "Oh, you just changed my reality."

Jay Shetty 55:53 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 55:54 "I couldn't pull that off, but you did."

Jay Shetty 55:56 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 55:56 "You can jump further. I didn't think you could make it over that creek, and you did. Whoa. Bravo."

Jay Shetty 56:02 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 56:02 "Okay, you've, you've re- redefined, uh, the, my measuring paradigm for the situation now." Um, so sometimes they can surprise us-

Jay Shetty 56:10 Yeah

Matthew McConaughey 56:10 ... 'cause they have a more, they have a talent, true, more of a talent for something than, than we ourselves do.

Jay Shetty 56:14 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 56:14 Um, the other thing to answer that question about what have they taught me, um, you know, when we first had kids, before we had kids, Camila said to me, "One condition." "So what's that?" And she goes, "You go, we go." Which means my work takes me all over the world. And up to that point, I'd always gone off on my own, lived in my Airstream trailer with my dog. I don't go out on school nights. I go to work in the morning. I come home, fix my meal, have a drink, study tomorrow's work, go to bed, over and over and over. I don't see anybody, nothing. All of a sudden I'm like, "My family. There, wait, I can't be an artist with my family." You know, but of course, the, the good, the good voice, the smart voice in my other ear said, "You better say, 'Yes, ma'am' right now."

Jay Shetty 56:59 [laughs] Sure.

Matthew McConaughey 57:00 And I went, "Yes, ma'am." Anyway, turned out to be the most wonderful thing for creativity as well.

Jay Shetty 57:05 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 57:06 When I'm doing, as you know, I've done a lot of hardcore dramas that happen to be, like, R-rated that my kids cannot see.

Jay Shetty 57:13 Mm-hmm.

Matthew McConaughey 57:13 But how it's been great for me when I come home and my kids, five-year-olds, "So what's this, what's this movie about?"

Jay Shetty 57:18 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 57:19 And I've got to tell them in the version that can make it sound fablic or make it sound where they're with it and they think it sounds really, really cool and interesting-

Jay Shetty 57:27 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 57:27 ... in a G-rated way. So that's been really good for my creativity, to answer those simple questions from my kids when I get home from work. Or, "Why are you doing this job? Why, why, why are you taking this role?" Uh, great. Thank you for asking me that. Let me see if I can give you a satisfactory answer. And if I can't, it's another measurement obviously earlier, well, maybe I don't have this down yet.

Jay Shetty 57:49 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 57:50 You know?

Jay Shetty 57:51 Yeah. I love that. That's beautiful because I think, especially as someone as, as successful an artist as you, it's so easy to get wrapped up in, like, "This is how I get the most creative," or-

Matthew McConaughey 58:02 Yeah

Jay Shetty 58:02 ... "This is my optimal performance level," or, "I know how to get in the zone." And, and that can sometimes be our greatest block to actually getting into the zone in a completely different way.

Matthew McConaughey 58:13 Yeah. I'm very much... I had a, a great mentor of mine who would tell me, "Matthew, you, you, you work so hard and prepare so hard for a scene. You love to go in any situation balanced."

Jay Shetty 58:25 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 58:26 "Both feet balanced. You love to go in like this." She goes, "I'm gonna tell you this. I dare you to start looking at life and your work, right before you go into it, get on one leg and see if you can find your balance, because in finding your balance is when you're most alive."

Jay Shetty 58:41 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 58:41 In finding the balance, the, the, the stable position is when life's a verb and you see life come, and it's life really happens, you know? Um, and it was a great note, not just in work, but in life. Go into a situation and instead of coming in set, locked in, do the work that you know how to be sturdy and balanced, but go into it intentionally off balance and find your balance.

Jay Shetty 59:08 That's beautiful. That's beautiful. I love that. I c- again, in my head to, like, applying that to a million things right now. That is so beautiful. I love that. I, I love the fact that when we're off balance, that's when we're most alive. It's when we're most animated, searching, seeking, like, looking. Like, as soon as you feel like you've got it, you know, it just... Oh, that's beautiful. That's really beautiful. I love that.

Jay Shetty 59:28 In your, in your, in your book, in the last chapter, you talk about the 10 goals you set out to achieve, and we were just talking about your kids achieving things that you didn't see yourself achieving. You had your life goals written out. Have you surprised yourself? Have you, uh, did you always feel convinced it was gonna happen? Uh, which ones have been the ones that, uh, surprise you, and which ones are the ones where like, "Yeah, I, I, I saw that"?

Matthew McConaughey 59:51 Well, it's, it's, it's a funny thing 'cause here's why I didn't surprise myself. Because when I wrote those 10 goals down in 1989, I forgot about them the next day.

Jay Shetty 1:00:03 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 1:00:03 I never looked at them again.

Jay Shetty 1:00:05 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 1:00:06 Forgot I had written them. But obviously, I didn't forget I wrote them, because I accomplished all 10, although I consciously never looked at them again or remembered them even in a mental list in my mind.

Jay Shetty 1:00:17 Wow.

Matthew McConaughey 1:00:19 So I guess the best I can tell is that, oh, you wrote down some really true goals for yourself, McConaughey, because you didn't even have to write them down. They were written inside you with the unwritten word, because you accomplished them. Now, look, there's some in there that I pulled off, I'm like, "What?"

Jay Shetty 1:00:34 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 1:00:35 In 1989, you didn't even know you were gonna be an actor. You wouldn't even admit you wanted to be an actor, and you wrote down you wanted to win an Academy Award for Best Actor? What? Didn't look at that for 28, 29 years and found it writing this book, and I went, "Uh, okay." Wanted to be a father, keep God in my life, family, look f- live a life I could look forward looking back. I had some pretty cool aspirations that, for the most part, I've, I've, I have succeeded in some way in achieving.

Jay Shetty 1:01:05 Yeah. It's special to see that, and I, and I love that, that it was, again, planted as a seed, but you weren't obsessed about it in, in a, in a, in a-

Matthew McConaughey 1:01:15 Right

Jay Shetty 1:01:15 ... in a practical way because it's that, it's that obsession that almost makes you feel so far away from it. Uh, you know, if you, if you're constantly, like, looking at it every day going, "Oh, where is that? Where is that?" And you're only looking at the Oscar, whereas actually for you it was that, you know, that pivot of like, "I've been doing these types of movies, and I feel like I need to unbrand my..." You know, all of that was what got you the Oscar.

Matthew McConaughey 1:01:36 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:01:36 It wasn't obsessing over the Oscar.

Matthew McConaughey 1:01:39 You're exactly right.

Jay Shetty 1:01:40 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 1:01:40 And look, w- your word, purpose, it's... Let's deconstruct that in this way for myself as well as everyone else because that clarity of purpose to see something and go accomplish it, I love that.

Jay Shetty 1:01:54 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 1:01:54 I need that. It gives me significance, achievement. Oh, I can measure it. I wanted to do that today, and I got that done.

Jay Shetty 1:02:00 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 1:02:00 This is what I wanted, and I got that. But it's a dance because not everything is like that, and I don't... If, uh, if, if you have a, f- for instance, in my work, I wouldn't have gone and done work that was deemed excellent a la winning an Academy Award or done whatever work I've done that anyone may deem excellent. I wouldn't have been as good at it, I wasn't as good at it until I had a family that came first. When it was my top goal, I was more result inter- uh, in- uh, uh, it was more about the result.

Jay Shetty 1:02:36 Mm.

Matthew McConaughey 1:02:37 When I had family and I was like, "Oh, well, there we go. Now I've made it."

Jay Shetty 1:02:40 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 1:02:41 Acting was number two. Didn't mean I worked any less hard at it. If anything, I worked harder at, but I was all about the process. I've gotten so many more results when I didn't give a damn about the result. It's like that, uh, um, you know, best rounds of golf. You know? When you walk off the 18th hole and you're headed to the next tee box and they go, "No, you've finished the round." You're like, "Oh, I didn't even know I was over the round." "Oh, yeah, you shot 63." "What?"

Jay Shetty 1:03:05 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 1:03:06 You know? My best work is when we wrap and I'm like, "Okay, everyone, I'll see you tomorrow morning," and they're like, "No, there is no tomorrow morning. The, the show's over." And I'm like, "Oh, that's it?"

Jay Shetty 1:03:14 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 1:03:15 You know?

Jay Shetty 1:03:15 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 1:03:15 It's the Bo Jackson. He didn't run across the goal line. He ran across the goal line, through the end zone, up the tunnel.

Jay Shetty 1:03:23 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 1:03:24 You know what I mean? It's like extend your finish line to, to, to a place that you're like, "Oh, it..." It's like now dealing with COVID. I think it's very good for us to think, "What if this is going on for another three years?"

Jay Shetty 1:03:37 Mm.

Matthew McConaughey 1:03:38 We'll probably be able to gauge, engage somewhat normally before then.

Jay Shetty 1:03:42 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 1:03:43 But if I, if I think that in my mind, I'm already starting to get my, my purpose and survival skills are, are coming to the forefront. I'm preparing. If I'm thinking, "Oh, I hope COVID's over tomorrow," I'm wasting 30% of my energy thinking, "Is tomorrow the day?" And then I wake up and go, "Oh, not today."

Jay Shetty 1:04:00 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 1:04:00 "Okay, maybe tomorrow. No, not tomorrow." You're wasting energy, so it's, it's a good practice, I think, to put things way out in front of you that are beyond your reach.

Jay Shetty 1:04:09 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 1:04:09 So then they don't, they don't stay in that first place. You can't quite grasp them. You can't... They're not tangible. And you'll actually probably achieve them, have a better chance of achieving them, if you just put your head down and stay in the process.

Jay Shetty 1:04:19 I love that. I love that, man. Everyone, that is Greenlights, uh, by Matthew McConaughey. Make sure you grab the book. We're putting the link in the comments. I highly recommend it. If you wanna be entertained, enlightened, and have an experience at the same time, it's a, it's a perfect journey in that. And if you wanna learn more about someone that you've been watching for so many years and loving and appreciating, then, uh, this is the book to go to. Uh,

Jay Shetty 1:04:42 Matthew, we end every episode with a fast five. These are the final five questions, and they have to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum. So-

Matthew McConaughey 1:04:52 Deal

Jay Shetty 1:04:52 ... th- th- that's the deal, and you've always been, already been very generous with your time. So this is, this is the last thing. So your first question is, what was your biggest lesson from the last 12 months?

Matthew McConaughey 1:05:04 Make sense of humor your default emotion.

Jay Shetty 1:05:07 Nice. I like it.

Matthew McConaughey 1:05:08 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:05:08 Awesome. All right. Question number two: What's something you know to be true but other people would disagree with you on? What's something that you're, like, very confident about but people may, may not agree with you?

Matthew McConaughey 1:05:20 Spending time alone and not enjoying the company is a healthy, constructive practice because there's only one person we're stuck with in this life. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:05:33 [laughs] Spending time alone and not enjoying the company is a constructive choice.

Matthew McConaughey 1:05:39 Stick with it. Don't pull the parachute in the discomfort. You will work it out. The monkeys on your back will finally start playing and then, and then swinging from the trees in a right way, and y- you... It will get organized. Don't pull the parachute in the discomfort. Stick through it. Because if you pull out too early when you're not getting along with yourself, it's gonna bubble up in awkward ways later on, and you're gonna be forced to go through the penance. So stick with it. You'll come out the other side. You'll shake hands with yourself, and you'll realize there's only one person I can't get rid of, and that's me. We better get along.

Jay Shetty 1:06:14 [laughs]

Matthew McConaughey 1:06:14 Figure it out.

Jay Shetty 1:06:15 I love that. That's great advice. I had many moments like that in my monk life, so I, I could definitely relate to sticking through that. Okay, question number three: Uh, if you could have one superpower, what would it be?

Matthew McConaughey 1:06:29 Invisible.

Jay Shetty 1:06:29 [laughs] That's the one.

Matthew McConaughey 1:06:32 Yeah. I gotta-

Jay Shetty 1:06:32 That's-

Matthew McConaughey 1:06:32 I gotta just take the, the easy, low-hanging fruit and go... And then, and then, and then just say, "Okay, now that you're invisible, let's see if you can handle this great freedom."

Jay Shetty 1:06:42 Yeah. Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 1:06:43 Real... That's a real tester there. That's the one that'll challenge somebody the most about, what can you do with that power?

Jay Shetty 1:06:48 It is true. It is true.

Matthew McConaughey 1:06:49 Can you be trusted with that power?

Jay Shetty 1:06:51 [laughs] Yeah, can you trust yourself with it and can you deal with what it exposes you to?

Matthew McConaughey 1:06:57 Yep.

Jay Shetty 1:06:57 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 1:06:57 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:06:58 Those are challenges. Absolutely.

Matthew McConaughey 1:07:00 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:07:00 All right. Question number four: When does a risk not make sense? Because as you were saying, your father wanted you to take risks. You started to take... You've taken loads of risks in your life. You know, there's, there's plenty of examples-

Matthew McConaughey 1:07:11 Yeah

Jay Shetty 1:07:11 ... in the book. When does a risk not make sense?

Matthew McConaughey 1:07:15 When it's for risk's sake.

Jay Shetty 1:07:16 Mm.

Matthew McConaughey 1:07:18 It's like, you know, an eccentricity for eccentricity's sake.

Jay Shetty 1:07:24 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 1:07:25 Like, well, what the hell is that for?

Jay Shetty 1:07:26 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 1:07:27 I, I like to see is there const- is there construction? Is there... Is this a constructive risk?

Jay Shetty 1:07:32 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 1:07:32 Is taking this risk, what can it pay? What can I get from it?

Jay Shetty 1:07:36 Yeah.

Matthew McConaughey 1:07:36 What will be the green light in this? What is my ROI?

Jay Shetty 1:07:39 Mm-hmm.

Matthew McConaughey 1:07:40 Return on investment of taking this risk. And, like you said, it's not a risk unless you can lose the fight.

Jay Shetty 1:07:46 Mm.

Matthew McConaughey 1:07:47 It's not really a risk unless you can lose the fight.

Jay Shetty 1:07:50 Yeah. Well said. All right, fifth and final question: If you could create a law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?

Matthew McConaughey 1:07:58 Mm, it's not a law, but I'll say this: Great question for, for all of us to ask ourselves every day, and it will change. This answer changes. Great question to ask ourselves is this, two words: I value.

Jay Shetty 1:08:13 Mm.

Matthew McConaughey 1:08:14 Question mark. Yeah, 'cause we all... You know, I, I, I bring this up in the book about we all want to be relevant. You're damn right we do, but let's not forget to ask relevant for what.

Jay Shetty 1:08:26 Mm.

Matthew McConaughey 1:08:27 What really matters? What's gonna pay? Think long money, not short money. What's the long ROI? What's the big eternal green light, you know? Um, tee yourself up-

Jay Shetty 1:08:40 Mm

Matthew McConaughey 1:08:40 ... for the future, you know? As much as you can, you know? Um, yeah, I value is a great question that, uh, I think it's prudent for all of us to ask ourselves.

Jay Shetty 1:08:53 I think it's-

Matthew McConaughey 1:08:53 And know it'll change. It'll change. The answer will change.

Jay Shetty 1:08:56 Thank you so much for watching that video. If you enjoyed it, here's another one I think you'll love. Do you focus more on the past, the present, or the future? We all do all three, but we tend to have one we focus more on. Mm-hmm. Where do you think more people focus? Past. That's right. Mm-hmm. And achievers focus on the future. Mm-hmm. And happy people on the present