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Jay Shetty Podcast

PARIS HILTON ON: Overcoming Abuse, Toxic Fame & Finding REAL LOVE | Jay Shetty

If you enjoy thus episode, you’ll also love my talk with Kendall Jenner! Today, I sit down with the one and only Paris Hilton to talk about past trauma and healing.

Paris HiltonguestJay Shettyhost

Apr 17, 20231h 18mWatch on YouTube

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CHAPTERS

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Chapter summaries

Writing the Memoir: Healing Through Retelling
Jay Shetty introduces Paris Hilton and her new memoir. Paris describes how difficult but therapeutic it was to write the book and record the audiobook, saying things out loud she had never told anyone.
- •Paris calls writing the memoir the most healing experience of her life
- •Recording the audiobook was even harder than writing it
- •Jay praises her observant, detail-rich storytelling
- •Many people hold their truth buried and never speak it aloud
Regrets, Trust, and the Walls Around Her Heart
Asked about regrets, Paris says she doesn't have many but wishes she hadn't let certain people with bad intentions into her life. She explains that trauma built a wall around her heart that only came down with her husband.
- •Paris regrets letting in people with bad intentions
- •She was very trusting while growing up
- •After teenage trauma she wasn't ready for relationships
- •Her walls came down only with her husband
How Fame and Money Change People
Jay quotes the book's line that everyone was under the spell of love and money. Paris describes seeing fame and money go to people's heads, and Jay adds that money can't buy class and only amplifies who you are.
- •Paris has seen people become different once fame and money take over
- •She hates when people treat others as beneath them
- •Jay says money and fame expose who you already are
Rebuilding Self-Esteem and Turning Pain into Purpose
Jay asks when Paris stopped pretending and worked on her self-esteem. She says it was destroyed by the abuse at troubled teen schools, and that her 2019 documentary and now the book began her path of self-discovery and of being understood.
- •Her self-esteem was destroyed by the abuse at the schools
- •The 2019 documentary started her self-discovery
- •The book is the second step in opening up
- •Turning pain into purpose has felt rewarding and made her feel understood
Mr. Abercrombie and Silence in the Family
Jay raises the teacher who groomed Paris at 14 and asks what it feels like to hold such things in. Paris explains her family didn't talk about hard things, and that her mother only learned who was in the car when she read the book weeks ago.
- •A teacher took advantage of his power over her at 14
- •Her mother thought it was a teenage boy until reading the book
- •Her mother and sister cried and wished she had come to them
- •Paris wishes she'd had this book as a teenager
Shame Belongs to the Abuser
Paris says shame is powerful and that it should rest on the person who hurt you. Jay reflects on this, on why she took so long to use the word pedophile, and on parents keeping communication open with their kids.
- •Paris says the shame shouldn't be on you but on the person who hurt you
- •She held onto shame her whole life because of others' actions
- •Jay urges parents to keep the door open with their children
- •Paris says she didn't want to think of herself as a victim
Parents, Generations, and Her Grandmother's Lesson
Paris explains her mother had her at 19 and came from a generation that didn't discuss feelings, and that they are now closer. Jay shares his own secrets from his parents, then asks about her grandmother, whom Paris describes as a force of nature who told her to stay sweet and kind.
- •Her mother was a kid herself and her generation didn't talk about mental health
- •The book and documentary brought them closer
- •Both hosts say they still feel like kids around their parents
- •Her grandmother told her never to let fame get to her head
Surviving the Troubled Teen Schools and ADHD as a Superpower
Paris describes being taken to the facilities by men with handcuffs, and says knowing she didn't deserve to be there kept her going. She also explains her undiagnosed ADHD and why she now considers it her superpower in business.
- •Children were taken from their rooms at night with handcuffs held up
- •She had nightmares for two decades until her advocacy work
- •Her ADHD was undiagnosed and she was seen as not paying attention
- •Her doctor compared it to a Ferrari with bicycle brakes
- •She credits it for being a risk-taker and innovator
The Second Assault and the Cycle of Self-Blame
Jay asks about the experience at 15 and a half in which Paris was drugged. She describes the isolation of keeping it secret, and Jay discusses why victims blame themselves and how judging others and ourselves feed each other. Paris says the reaction to the book has been overwhelmingly loving.
- •Paris had never told anyone about being roofied at 15 and a half
- •Holding the secret felt isolating until she wrote the book
- •Jay describes a cycle of judging others and judging ourselves
- •Readers have written to thank her for making them feel less alone
- •She feels finally understood after years of playing a character
Friendship with Britney and Legislative Advocacy
Paris talks about feeling safe now, her friendship with Britney Spears, and the media pitting women against each other. She says her school experience prepared her for Hollywood, and describes her work changing laws in nine states and pushing for federal legislation.
- •She feels her inner child is finally safe with her husband and baby
- •She says women supporting each other matters because the media pitted them against each other
- •She says the schools' abuse was worse than Hollywood
- •She has changed laws in nine states and is pushing a federal bill
- •Helping others is when she says she began to heal
Safe Spaces, Loyalty, and the Fake Rumor Test
Jay asks how friends can support someone who has been abused. Paris says it helps to listen without judgment, and describes her trust test of telling people a fake rumor to see if it reached the media. She also explains that her sex-symbol image didn't match her innocent reality.
- •Be there, don't judge, and tell them it's not their fault
- •Paris tested friends with fake rumors to see if they would leak them
- •Trust and loyalty are priceless to her
- •The media assumed her relationships were wilder than they were
Learning to Trust Again: Meeting Carter
Jay asks how she could trust a man again after so much betrayal. Paris recounts meeting Carter in 2019, how he differed from other men, and how COVID gave them time together. She describes how sharing her documentary opened up conversations and how he listened and cried.
- •She wasn't looking for love when she met Carter at Thanksgiving
- •He is sweet, family-oriented and doesn't care about fame
- •Lockdown gave them time together after years of constant travel
- •Showing him her documentary prepared her to talk about her past
- •His genuine listening deepened her trust
Privacy, Real Love, and Becoming a Mother
Paris explains why she hid her pregnancy until her son was a week old, and contrasts the thrill of public attention with real love. She discusses self-love, accepting her parents' limits because they were tricked by the schools, and how she hopes to parent.
- •She kept her pregnancy private to avoid outside opinions and trolls
- •She says she once mistook attention for love and now knows real love
- •Self-love came from finally getting to know herself
- •She can't be angry at her parents because the schools deceived them
- •She hopes her son will feel safe enough to tell her anything
Babies Over Billions and Manifesting a Future Self
Paris says her goal has shifted from a billion dollars to caring more about babies than billions. She explains how imagining a future self kept her going at the schools, then describes the pain of the sex tape and how an SNL appearance helped her retake her narrative.
- •She once saw money as freedom and now prioritizes family
- •She believes in manifestation and says it began as an escape from pain
- •Everything she put her mind to has come true, including her perfume line
- •The sex tape kept her indoors for months
- •SNL was her first step in taking control of her narrative
Final Five and Closing Thoughts
Jay reflects on narratives and giving others the benefit of the doubt, then asks Paris the Final Five questions. She shares her advice, her purpose of making the world safer for children, and her law of one kind act a day, before the interview wraps up.
- •Best advice: you only live once, so make the most of it
- •Worst advice: caring too much about others' opinions
- •Her purpose is making the world safer for children
- •Her message to her abusers is that they should be ashamed
- •Her law: everyone does one kind thing every day

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