RELATIONSHIP EXPERT: Anxious People Are Addicted to Unavailable Partners (& How to Fix it!)

Have you ever pushed away the love you wanted most or clung to it so tightly that you lost yourself in the process? Jay sits down with Attachment Style expert and creator of the Integrated Attachment Theory Thais Gibson to unpack one of the most powerful forces shaping our relationships. Together, they explore how our earliest emotional experiences quietly shape the way we love, communicate, and respond to conflict later in adulthood. Thais explains how anxious, avoidant, and fearful-avoidant patterns aren’t flaws or labels that define us, but protective mechanisms we once needed to feel safe. Jay and Thais dive into the subtle ways attachment wounds show up in dating and long-term relationships, from overthinking a delayed text, to fearing commitment when things start to get too serious. Thais shares practical tools for recognizing your subconscious needs, reprogramming limiting beliefs, and communicating in ways that build security instead of sabotaging connection. Jay highlights how healing isn’t about changing who you are, it’s about understanding why you are the way you are, and consciously choosing new patterns that align with the love you truly desire. They emphasize that compatibility alone isn’t enough; emotional safety, self-awareness, and the willingness to grow are what sustain meaningful connection. This is a reminder that love is not just about finding the right person, it’s about becoming the safest, most secure version of yourself. When we learn to meet our own unmet needs, we stop outsourcing our worth and start building relationships rooted in clarity, compassion, and conscious choice. In this interview, you'll learn: How to Identify Your Attachment Style How to Stop Overthinking in Relationships How to Communicate Your Emotional Needs Clearly How to Reprogram Limiting Love Beliefs How to Build Emotional Safety with a Partner How to Respond Instead of React to Triggers How to Set Boundaries Without Fear of Abandonment Awareness is the turning point. The moment you begin to notice your triggers without judging them, communicate your needs without apologizing for them, and choose growth over fear, that’s the moment your relationships begin to change. Interested in learning more about your own Attachment style, take the Attachment Style Quiz here: https://attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/quiz?utm_source=pr-js&utm_medium=public_relations&utm_campaign=attachment-quiz&utm_content=new-attachment-theory With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty JAY’S DAILY WISDOM DELIVERED STRAIGHT TO YOUR INBOX Join 900,000+ readers discovering how small daily shifts create big life change with my free newsletter. Subscribe https://news.jayshetty.me/subscribe Check out our Apple subscription to unlock bonus content of On Purpose! https://lnk.to/JayShettyPodcast What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 01:12 Understanding Your Attachment Style 17:44 How to Date with Self-Awareness 21:56 Healing Your Core Wounds 29:22 Can Insecure Attachment Build a Healthy Relationship? 30:56 Pillar One: Reprogramming Core Beliefs 31:39 Pillar Two: Practicing Self-Validation 39:12 Pillar Three: Regulating the Nervous System 44:20 Pillar Four: Conscious Communication 53:39 Pillar Five: Creating Healthy Boundaries 57:49 The 90-Day Reprogramming Process 59:40 When One Partner Resists Self-Work 01:02:49 How Do You Move Forward With an Unwilling Partner? 01:04:42 The Psychology of Love Bombing 01:05:45 How Do You Set Boundaries With a Narcissist? 01:09:36 Why Anxious and Secure Dynamics Can Struggle 01:11:24 When Power Struggles Begin 01:18:24 Are You Just Scared or Is It a True Mismatch? 01:21:32 When is it Time to Break Up? 01:25:59 Do You Ever Truly Move On? 01:27:50 No One Is Ever 100% Ready 01:32:00 The Invaluable Lessons Hidden in Hard Times 01:35:23 This or That: Relationship Edition 01:40:16 Thais on Final Five Episode Resources: Website | http://offer.personaldevelopmentschool.com/podcast/all-access-pass YouTube | https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHQ4lSaKRap5HyrpitrTOhQ Facebook | https://www.facebook.com/ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool/ Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/thepersonaldevelopmentschool/ TikTok | https://www.tiktok.com/@thaisgibson https://www.instagram.com/jayshetty https://www.facebook.com/jayshetty/ https://x.com/jayshetty https://www.linkedin.com/in/shettyjay/ https://www.youtube.com/@JayShettyPodcast http://jayshetty.me

Jay ShettyhostThais Gibsonguest

Feb 18, 20261h 43mWatch on YouTube ↗

EPISODE INFO

Released: February 18, 2026
Duration: 1h 43m
Channel: Jay Shetty Podcast
Watch on YouTube: ▶ Open ↗

EPISODE DESCRIPTION

Have you ever pushed away the love you wanted most or clung to it so tightly that you lost yourself in the process? Jay sits down with Attachment Style expert and creator of the Integrated Attachment Theory Thais Gibson to unpack one of the most powerful forces shaping our relationships. Together, they explore how our earliest emotional experiences quietly shape the way we love, communicate, and respond to conflict later in adulthood. Thais explains how anxious, avoidant, and fearful-avoidant patterns aren’t flaws or labels that define us, but protective mechanisms we once needed to feel safe. Jay and Thais dive into the subtle ways attachment wounds show up in dating and long-term relationships, from overthinking a delayed text, to fearing commitment when things start to get too serious. Thais shares practical tools for recognizing your subconscious needs, reprogramming limiting beliefs, and communicating in ways that build security instead of sabotaging connection. Jay highlights how healing isn’t about changing who you are, it’s about understanding why you are the way you are, and consciously choosing new patterns that align with the love you truly desire. They emphasize that compatibility alone isn’t enough; emotional safety, self-awareness, and the willingness to grow are what sustain meaningful connection. This is a reminder that love is not just about finding the right person, it’s about becoming the safest, most secure version of yourself. When we learn to meet our own unmet needs, we stop outsourcing our worth and start building relationships rooted in clarity, compassion, and conscious choice. In this interview, you'll learn: How to Identify Your Attachment Style How to Stop Overthinking in Relationships How to Communicate Your Emotional Needs Clearly How to Reprogram Limiting Love Beliefs How to Build Emotional Safety with a Partner How to Respond Instead of React to Triggers How to Set Boundaries Without Fear of Abandonment Awareness is the turning point. The moment you begin to notice your triggers without judging them, communicate your needs without apologizing for them, and choose growth over fear, that’s the moment your relationships begin to change. Interested in learning more about your own Attachment style, take the Attachment Style Quiz here: https://attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/quiz?utm_source=pr-js&utm_medium=public_relations&utm_campaign=attachment-quiz&utm_content=new-attachment-theory With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty JAY’S DAILY WISDOM DELIVERED STRAIGHT TO YOUR INBOX Join 900,000+ readers discovering how small daily shifts create big life change with my free newsletter. Subscribe https://news.jayshetty.me/subscribe Check out our Apple subscription to unlock bonus content of On Purpose! https://lnk.to/JayShettyPodcast What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 01:12 Understanding Your Attachment Style 17:44 How to Date with Self-Awareness 21:56 Healing Your Core Wounds 29:22 Can Insecure Attachment Build a Healthy Relationship? 30:56 Pillar One: Reprogramming Core Beliefs 31:39 Pillar Two: Practicing Self-Validation 39:12 Pillar Three: Regulating the Nervous System 44:20 Pillar Four: Conscious Communication 53:39 Pillar Five: Creating Healthy Boundaries 57:49 The 90-Day Reprogramming Process 59:40 When One Partner Resists Self-Work 01:02:49 How Do You Move Forward With an Unwilling Partner? 01:04:42 The Psychology of Love Bombing 01:05:45 How Do You Set Boundaries With a Narcissist? 01:09:36 Why Anxious and Secure Dynamics Can Struggle 01:11:24 When Power Struggles Begin 01:18:24 Are You Just Scared or Is It a True Mismatch? 01:21:32 When is it Time to Break Up? 01:25:59 Do You Ever Truly Move On? 01:27:50 No One Is Ever 100% Ready 01:32:00 The Invaluable Lessons Hidden in Hard Times 01:35:23 This or That: Relationship Edition 01:40:16 Thais on Final Five Episode Resources: Website | http://offer.personaldevelopmentschool.com/podcast/all-access-pass YouTube | https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHQ4lSaKRap5HyrpitrTOhQ Facebook | https://www.facebook.com/ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool/ Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/thepersonaldevelopmentschool/ TikTok | https://www.tiktok.com/@thaisgibson https://www.instagram.com/jayshetty https://www.facebook.com/jayshetty/ https://x.com/jayshetty https://www.linkedin.com/in/shettyjay/ https://www.youtube.com/@JayShettyPodcast http://jayshetty.me

SPEAKERS

Jay Shetty
host
Host of the Jay Shetty Podcast (On Purpose) and author of relationship-focused books including “Eight Rules of Love.”
Thais Gibson
guest
Relationship and attachment-style educator and founder of Personal Development School.

EPISODE SUMMARY

In this episode of Jay Shetty Podcast, featuring Jay Shetty and Thais Gibson, RELATIONSHIP EXPERT: Anxious People Are Addicted to Unavailable Partners (& How to Fix it!) explores how attachment styles drive dating choices—and a five-pillar cure process Attachment styles (secure, anxious, dismissive avoidant, fearful avoidant) are rooted in childhood experiences that condition core wounds, needs, and relationship behaviors.

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