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Jay Shetty Podcast

Russ ON: Toxic Masculinity, Music & Mental Health: “My Songs Were Cries For Help”

Today, we welcome a special second-time guest: Russ. He’s a multi-platinum rapper, singer-songwriter, producer, and best-selling author.

RussguestJay Shettyhost

Aug 21, 20231h 17mWatch on YouTube

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CHAPTERS

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Chapter summaries

Chasing success but still feeling empty: realizing something deeper is missing
Russ reflects on achieving major goals yet still feeling a persistent emptiness, which forces him to question what he was really chasing. He connects this to a lifelong inner critic rooted in childhood standards and perfectionism.
- •Russ describes getting what he wanted and still feeling empty, signaling he was chasing the wrong thing
- •He traces his inner critic to his dad’s perfectionistic standards that became his own voice
- •External milestones (platinum plaques, money, bigger achievements) don’t resolve self-worth
- •Russ frames the pivot as needing to look inward rather than outward
‘Oasis’ and the “fool’s paradise”: distractions dressed up as a rockstar lifestyle
Jay asks about the song “Oasis,” and Russ explains it as a portrait of looking successful on the surface while falling apart internally. Russ describes using excess—food, drinking, sex, and constant wins—to avoid confronting internal chaos.
- •Russ calls “Oasis” a ‘fool’s paradise’ where the outside looks perfect but the inside is a mess
- •He recounts being overweight, drinking and eating too much, and lacking discipline over thoughts and impulses
- •He explains how indulgence gets reframed as being a ‘rock star’ or ‘king,’ masking deeper issues
- •Jay highlights the idea of being distracted by plaques, gold, and bright lights
The breakdown and the turning point: masking pain, therapy, and canceling tour
Russ explains that men often become skilled at hiding pain, until suppression eventually breaks. He shares that therapy helped him confront internal chaos, and a breakdown before a European tour led him to cancel because he couldn’t function.
- •Russ says men get good at masking pain and hiding internal chaos
- •He describes pushing feelings down until they overflow at the worst time
- •He recounts canceling a European tour when his body, mind, and spirit shut down
- •Russ shares that he delayed getting a therapist for years, then finally sought help out of desperation
Why men struggle with emotions: social conditioning, pressure, and “permission” to feel
Jay opens a broader discussion about men’s challenges today, and Russ points to a lack of emotional safety and self-permission. Russ also reflects on generational patterns learned from fathers who “get over it,” and how he encoded feelings into music instead of addressing them directly.
- •Russ argues men struggle to be in tune with emotions and to feel safe admitting them
- •He says society effectively tells men to “get over it,” reinforcing avoidance
- •Jay notes men feel pressure to be successful and emotionally together, yet feel unable to admit the strain
- •Russ describes learning from his own generation and earlier generations’ stoic father models
Music as mental-health testimony: old songs as “cries for help” turned into streams
Russ explains how he poured sadness, pain, and confusion into songs that were actually cries for help. Over time, both fans and Russ himself could forget the emotion behind the music as it became metrics, numbers, and performances.
- •Russ says he hid feelings by putting ‘little trickles’ into music
- •He describes revisiting older tracks and realizing they were direct cries for help
- •He notes how vulnerable emotions become packaged into short songs and reduced to streams and crowd reactions
- •Jay praises Russ for making mental health themes feel substantial without becoming “cheesy”
Fear of vulnerability (especially around women): pain is attractive until it’s spoken
Jay asks how vulnerability affects attraction and relationships, and Russ says it depends on the woman. Russ explains that some men fear opening up because past reactions taught them vulnerability could reduce attraction, and he shares lyrics capturing the contradiction of admiring pain but rejecting emotional expression.
- •Russ says some women respond well to vulnerability, while others may find it unattractive
- •He explains men learn to hide feelings due to social expectations of what makes a ‘strong man’
- •Russ shares a lyric about being attracted to pain until the pain is verbalized
- •Both discuss the contradiction of wanting toughness without acknowledging the pain that created it
Success doesn’t fix self-worth: validation chasing, the industry as a replacement father
Jay asks what specifically ‘doesn’t work’ about money and accomplishments, and Russ clarifies it’s about seeking validation to fill an internal hole. Russ describes replacing his father’s approval with the music industry’s approval, and how achievements provide only temporary relief before deeper emptiness returns.
- •Russ says accolades fail when they’re used to seek approval, belonging, and feeling ‘good enough’
- •He describes replacing his dad with the industry as a source of validation
- •Russ notes big accomplishments feel good briefly, then become another item that ‘didn’t do it’
- •Jay underscores the distinction: achievements can be good, but they don’t repair self-worth
Self-validation and changing the inner monologue: honoring gifts instead of shaming yourself
Jay asks how Russ is learning to validate himself, and Russ says it’s still a work in progress. Russ describes shifting from shame-based motivation to values-based practices, reframing gym and studio time as honoring health and creativity rather than proving worth.
- •Russ emphasizes building values he can control and ‘honoring the gift’
- •He contrasts losing weight through shame versus celebrating health and mobility
- •He reframes studio sessions as celebration rather than pressure to ‘catch a hit’
- •Jay and Russ discuss how relying only on negative motivation becomes an unsustainable toolkit
Identity crisis and “growing down”: roles, shame, and the fear of facing yourself
Russ explains how therapy helped him connect distress to identity roles—being the family savior and needing universal approval. He introduces “growing down” as digging into the roots of who he is, and says shame makes authenticity feel impossible, especially within rap culture.
- •Russ ties his distress to identity roles: saving family emotionally and being liked by everyone
- •He explains how parents’ divorce and public hate triggered ‘Who am I?’ questions
- •Russ defines “growing down” as moving from external growth to deeper self-truth and authenticity
- •He says operating from shame makes authenticity hard, leading to masking and omnipotence
Dark thoughts, insecurity, and imposter syndrome: admitting ‘I don’t like myself’
Jay asks what Russ saw when he started looking inward, and Russ describes confronting the thought that he didn’t like himself. He connects rejecting insecurity to self-destructive habits, and both discuss how naming insecurity can dissolve it and create real connection.
- •Russ says the darkest thought was realizing he didn’t like himself
- •He describes shame about past behavior and feeling like a fraud despite public success
- •Russ shares how rejecting insecurity led to self-destructive coping, including doing interviews drunk to blunt nerves
- •Jay and Russ discuss how openly admitting insecurity breaks social tension and makes connection easier
Imposter feelings and belonging: ‘Do It Myself’ as survival, not swagger
Jay asks about long-held insecurity, and Russ identifies not feeling like he belonged, especially as a white guy in hip-hop without a cultural cosign. He explains that his ‘do it myself’ persona was born from lacking help and feeling he had to survive alone.
- •Russ names a core insecurity: not feeling like he belonged in hip-hop
- •He describes masking neediness with a tough, independent posture
- •Russ reframes ‘Do It Myself’ energy as survival due to not having support
- •He notes he received validation from individuals but wasn’t taken under anyone’s wing
Talking to your younger self: compassion, grace, and letting go of perfectionism
Jay asks what Russ would tell his younger self, and Russ responds with reassurance—safety, acceptance, and support. They explore how perfectionism blocks help and self-pride, and Russ explains he’s working on giving himself grace and recognizing he did his best with what he knew then.
- •Russ says his younger self needs to hear: ‘You’re okay, you’re safe, and I got you’
- •He expects younger him would reject help, reflecting how hard it was to receive compassion
- •Russ explains perfectionism makes help feel like criticism and prevents satisfaction with achievements
- •They discuss judging yourself by single moments instead of seeing life as a longer story
Dropping the ‘always right’ mindset: flexibility, identity, and redefining masculinity
Jay invites reflection on beliefs that changed, and Russ cites moving away from thinking he was always right toward curiosity and openness. They discuss keeping identity flexible and redefining masculinity to include vulnerability, collaboration, and learning from positive male role models.
- •Russ says a major shift was becoming open to being wrong instead of insisting he’s always right
- •They discuss identity rigidity and the risk of tying selfhood to one label or role
- •Russ identifies redefining ‘being a man’ as his most important flexibility: emotion, help, and collaboration
- •Russ says he wants to model self-compassion and permission to make mistakes for young men
Turning 30, healthy routines, and collaborating with emerging artists
The conversation shifts to daily habits and aging, with Russ describing improved sleep, tracking, and feeling more grounded entering his 30s. Jay highlights Russ’s support for newer artists through social platforms and collaborations, and Russ explains he enjoys using his platform without ego.
- •Russ says he sleeps well now and is building healthier routines as he enters his 30s
- •He describes SANTIAGO feeling like a debut because it reveals a new version of himself
- •Jay notes Russ featuring and uplifting newer artists through online collaborations
- •Russ says he feels the power of his platform most when he gives opportunities to others
Where ego still blocks him: rescuing family, control, and learning to let others stand
Jay defines ego as creating a false sense of security, and Russ identifies his tendency to feel responsible for saving his family emotionally. He explains the fear of letting go, the habit of going “into the hole” with loved ones, and the ongoing work of separating care from control.
- •Jay frames ego as a false safety mechanism rather than simple arrogance
- •Russ says ego shows up in feeling responsible to rescue his mom and carry family emotions
- •He describes how control can be disempowering and tied to old identity roles
- •Russ explains he’s working on being present without assuming life-or-death responsibility
The inspiration behind SANTIAGO: The Alchemist, personal parallels, and closing reflections
Jay asks about the album’s inspiration, and Russ describes first reading The Alchemist as a teenager and rereading it later with deeper resonance. He explains how the author’s framing—one person’s journey as everyone’s journey—helped him tell his own story, and he shares the author’s supportive reaction to hearing the album.
- •Russ credits his best friend for introducing him to The Alchemist when he was younger
- •He says rereading it later made different ideas resonate more deeply
- •Russ explains the album is loosely inspired, using the book as a framework rather than a strict retelling
- •He shares that he sent the album to the author and received positive feedback; they close by recommending a standout track

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