The Brain Expert: How To Raise Mentally Resilient Children (According To Science) | Dr. Daniel Amen

1. 0:00 – 0:46

   Intro

   1. DADr. Daniel Amen0:00

      You do not solve all of your children's problems. That's the heart of love and logic. It's you want kids to make mistakes, and you want them to pay the consequences so they learn.

   2. JSJay Shetty0:15

      Before we jump into this episode, I'd like to invite you to join this community to hear more interviews that will help you become happier, healthier, and more healed. All I want you to do is click on the subscribe button. I love your support. It's incredible to see all your comments, and we're just getting started. I can't wait to go on this journey with you. Thank you so much for subscribing. It means the world to me. The number one health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty.

   3. DADr. Daniel Amen0:41

      Jay Shetty.

   4. JSJay Shetty0:41

      The one, the only Jay Shetty.

2. 0:46 – 4:34

   How Do You Set Goals For Your Kids?

   1. JSJay Shetty0:46

      You talk about mentally strong kids live by clearly defined goals, and I was thinking about that. I was thinking, how do you set a goal for a kid, and at what age does a goal become real?

   2. DADr. Daniel Amen1:02

      Well, the goal starts with the parents. What kind of dad or mom do I wanna be? And what kind of children do I wanna raise? So in raising mentally strong kids, I mean, the first principle is you need to be mentally strong, right? You have to model the message. At Amen Clinics, our first core value is authenticity. And what, what does that mean to be mentally strong? Well, the first principle is clarity, is you wanna know-- So when I was growing up, my mom was great. She was present, but there were way too many of us. There were seven. I'm third, means irrelevant.

   3. JSJay Shetty1:48

      [chuckles]

   4. DADr. Daniel Amen1:48

      Uh, at least that's what I thought. Uh, you know, Prince Harry's book, Spare. Well, in a Lebanese family, the oldest son is golden, and the second son's irrelevant. Now, there's huge upside to irrelevance, which means I could do anything I want. But my mom was present and fun and playful and strict, uh, all good qualities. My dad was gone. And so when I'm thinking about what kind of parent do I wanna be, is I wanna be present, uh, because that caused a lot of bitterness in my life. And if you read sort of the latest neuroscience on child rearing, attachment is so important to prevent mental illness or mental health problems. And so if I want to be present, then that leads to the second principle, which is bonding, which is connection. And how do you connect? And too many parents get that wrong and like, "Oh, well, let me solve all of my child's problems," which creates entitlement and disaster. But the first one is what do you want? And I think it's a great question for kids when they're six or seven, "What do you want in our relationship?" Like, I treat a lot of difficult kids, and one of my favorite questions to parents, "How many times out of ten when you ask this child to do something, will they do it the first time without arguing or fighting?" And seven is the average for healthy kids, so very few kids do something every time, right? But for the kids who see me, it's zero or less than three. And when I ask the children about this, seven, eight, nine, I'm like, "Is that your goal, to make your mother cry?" And like, "No." And I'm like, "Why do you do it?" "I don't know." And the fact is they don't know because it's not will-driven. It's brain-driven. And that one concept all by itself, on top of which if a child doesn't do what you ask them to do and you ignore it or you just repeat it, what you're doing is teaching them to do that, and the brain is lazy. So, um, this is gonna be a fun conversation.

3. 4:34 – 10:19

   How Do Children Become Free Thinkers?

   1. JSJay Shetty4:34

      [chuckles] How about the people that would say that that may make children obedient, but it doesn't make them free thinkers, or it doesn't make them independently thoughtful? I think we sometimes feel like these two things work against each other, right? Like if we feel we're like, they listen to everything we say, and they do what we say, then how do they build up their own sense of identity? How, how does that work?

   2. DADr. Daniel Amen4:57

      Well, that's totally in the book on how to do that, and that is you do not solve all of your children's problems. Uh, that's the heart of love and logic. It's you want kids to make mistakes, and you want them to pay the consequences, so they learn. Agency is such an important word in lives. Um, so I have six children. Three of them are adopted, and Chloe, um, who's now twenty, she's a bit of a hellion and, uh, argumentative, oppositional, and I'm a child psychiatrist, and Chloe was two when Tana and I met, and I'm like, "Tana, you've done second grade." But they would, like, go at it in a bad way for homework for, like, a couple of hours, and I'm like-- And then Tana got a program. Uh, I co-wrote the book with Charles Fay, who's the president of the Love and Logic Institute. So she got Parenting with Love and Logic and then took everything they ever created. One night, when it finally clicked that I've done second grade- She told Chloe she'd never again ask her to do her homework. She said, "Hey, I've done second grade. This is on you. And if you're okay with the consequences of not doing your homework, Mrs. Mank, her teacher, will be mad at you. You won't go out to recess. And if you really decide you're not going to do it, you'll make new friends when you repeat second grade." Th- that was that m- epiphany moment. Chloe got upset and said, "I never said I wasn't gonna do my homework. I'm just not gonna do it now." She stormed off. Twenty minutes later, she came back. No one ever asked her to do her homework again. She's gonna graduate with a business degree from Chapman University. She's bright, she's independent, she has agency. She's a hard worker and a free thinker because she couldn't push against her mother to solve her problems. She had to figure it out with, of course, appropriate support. And, oh, by the way, to really push on this idea, if Chloe forgot her homework, there's no way her mother would bring it to school, 'cause then she'd only forget it once, right? If she forgot her homework and we brought it to school, we'd always be bringing her homework to school. If it was cold out and she forgot to bring a sweater, nobody's bringing a sweater. She forgot her lunch, nobody's bringing her lunch. We're teaching her probably the most important skill of mentally strong people. "I'm responsible for my life."

   3. JSJay Shetty7:51

      Mm.

   4. DADr. Daniel Amen7:52

      "And if there are consequences, I'm gonna pay it." And you-- so you want them to make mistakes when the consequences are affordable.

   5. JSJay Shetty8:00

      And what age is that at? Is that at a particular age, or is there a time when-

   6. DADr. Daniel Amen8:04

      Like four-

   7. JSJay Shetty8:05

      [laughs]

   8. DADr. Daniel Amen8:06

      ... five, six. You know, earlier the better. And of course you're always putting, you know, think of bowling alley. You're putting bumper cars up-

   9. JSJay Shetty8:16

      Yeah

   10. DADr. Daniel Amen8:16

       ... uh, to protect them. But when I was a young parent, I think my self-esteem wasn't great, and I would get self-esteem by solving my children's problems. And what I realized is I was robbing them of their self-esteem.

   11. JSJay Shetty8:37

       Mm.

   12. DADr. Daniel Amen8:37

       Because where do we get self-esteem? There's this great study out of Harvard where they followed four hundred and fifty-four inner city Boston school kids for 70 years. I mean, think about that. I mean, one of the longest longevity studies ever done. And they looked at what was going, you know, with mental illness, with addiction, with self-esteem, and the only thing that correlated with self-esteem was whether or not you worked as a child, whether or not you had responsibility at home, you had a paper route, you had an outside job. When I was 10 years old, I went to work 'cause my dad owned grocery stores. And work is good. But for people who are affluent, who have help at home, and everything is done for the child, you're really setting the child up for struggles in their life because they won't develop a sense of agency.

   13. JSJay Shetty9:36

       That's so interesting hearing that. I've always felt that... I started doing-- I was a paperboy when I was 14 years old, and I remember going around the local s- streets and delivering the papers, and it was raining, and it was, you know... At some time of the year in England, it would snow during the Christmas period, and it was hardest 'cause I'm pulling this like, you know, this, uh, trolley we call it. I don't know what you'd call it here, but pulling this cart that has all the newspapers stacked in it. And then I worked in re- and then I worked in a grocery store, and then I worked in retail, and so I've been working ever since I was 14 years old, and I couldn't agree with you more. I learnt so many interesting skills. I developed so many amazing habits because you had to in order to do it, and that resonates so strongly with me.

4. 10:19 – 13:01

   Allow Your Child to Get Uncomfortable

   1. JSJay Shetty10:19

      How do you get comfortable watching your child be uncomfortable? Because I can imagine that's the biggest challenge, right? As a parent who loves, adores, cares for this child, doesn't want it to be cold, doesn't want the child to be late for school, doesn't want the child to perform poorly, your ego is somewhat attached to the child's ego and success level. How do you get comfortable watching your child be uncomfortable in a non-unemotional way and not in a insensitive way?

   2. DADr. Daniel Amen10:50

      It's hard. You have to have the big picture in mind and the long game in mind. What do I want? What kind of parent do I wanna be? Effective, present. What kind of child do I wanna raise? Independent, competent, strong. Um, if I do too much, I'm robbing them of their self-esteem, of their sense of responsibility and agency, and that's a disaster you just don't want. And you need to see it a- ahead of time, and that's why, you know, the first principle is know what you want. And always ask your kids, "So what's the goal for this year? What do you want?" Right? It's not, you're not telling them their goal. I mean, an example, when I turned 18, uh, it's the first time I could vote, and my dad told me if I voted for Senator McGovern, the country would go to hell. So 1972, Richard Nixon is running for re-election. He's a very popular president, even though it'll turn out to be a disaster, against Senator McGovern. And I'm 18, and I don't have a relationship with my dad. I mean, we're sort of mostly mad at each other. He's trying to have influence on me, but because we don't have a relationship- I'd just as soon piss him off. Right now, it wasn't my conscious thought, but I'd just as soon piss him off.

   3. JSJay Shetty12:21

      Yeah.

   4. DADr. Daniel Amen12:22

      And I voted for McGovern, and the country went to hell, but it had nothing to do with McGovern. It was all Nixon and Watergate and so on. But it was that lack of relationship. And if people do what I talk about in the book, you have more influence with them, and that leads to... So the first principle is goal setting. The second one is bonding. It's attachment. If you want to have influence with your children, if you want them to seriously consider your values, you have to be connected with them.

5. 13:01 – 17:46

   The 20-Minute Practice to Bond with Your Child

   1. JSJay Shetty13:01

      And what does that take?

   2. DADr. Daniel Amen13:02

      Time. Like actual physical time where you're not on your phone, but you put the phone away, and you spend 20 minutes a day with a child. So there's an exercise I talk about in the book that I love so much that, you know, all the things I've recommended to my patients over the last 45 years, when I decided to be a psychiatrist 45 years ago, special time. It's magic. And 20 minutes a day, do something with your child, child wants to do, that's reasonable, you can do in 20 minutes, so it's like not take me to Nordstrom's. And during that time, no commands, no questions, no directions. It's just time to be together, and it's money in the relational bank. And I remember when I first figured this out, my literary agent, uh, had a child later in life. We were talking on the phone, and he's like, "My daughter, Laura, doesn't wanna have anything to do with me, and she's two." And he said, "That's like a girl thing, right? A mother-daughter thing. They don't want anything..." I'm like, "No, Carl, you're ignoring her." "What? What do you mean I'm ignor-" I'm like, "You're ignoring her. Do this." And he said, "That won't work." I'm like, "Oh, great. You represent an idiot. My own literary agent won't do what I say. Do it. In fact, I'm gonna put you in my schedule for three weeks. I'm gonna call you, get the party started." And so three weeks go by, I call him up. "Carl." "Daniel, she won't leave me alone. As soon as I walk in the door, she grabs my leg and wants her time. All she wants to do is be with me." I'm like, "That's a problem? That's what we want, right? That's what we're after."

   3. JSJay Shetty14:59

      Mm-hmm.

   4. DADr. Daniel Amen15:00

      So actual physical time. And now parents are so busy, they're not spending this one-on-one alone time listening. So that's the second part of it. So time, actual physical time, and shut up. It's so important. So s- you, you love them so much, you wanna pour all of your knowledge, all of your wisdom that you worked your whole life on and download it into their head. Don't do that. Listen to them. And therapists learn this technique called active listening, that whenever someone says something, you don't interrupt and tell them how to think. You repeat it back, and you listen for the feelings behind the words. So if my son came home and said, "Dad, I wanna have blue hair," I don't know what your father would've said, but I know what mine would've said. [chuckles]

   5. JSJay Shetty15:58

      [chuckles]

   6. DADr. Daniel Amen15:58

      "No way in hell. As long as you live in this house, you can have blue hair."

   7. JSJay Shetty16:02

      Yep.

   8. DADr. Daniel Amen16:02

      But what does that do? It just stops the conversation, or it starts a fight. Active listening teaches you repeat back what you hear. "Oh, you wanna have blue hair?" And then be quiet long enough for them to, like, explain what's really going on. And he might say, "All the kids are wearing their hair blue." Now, I've been to his school. I know not everybody's blue-headed. And if I would've said that to my dad, I don't know what your dad would've said. "I don't care what anybody else is doing. As long as you live in this house, you're not gonna have blue hair. If they're gonna jump off a bridge, are you going with them?"

   9. JSJay Shetty16:41

      Yes. [laughs]

   10. DADr. Daniel Amen16:42

       [laughs]

   11. JSJay Shetty16:42

       That one for sure I've heard that plenty of times.

   12. DADr. Daniel Amen16:44

       And what does it do? Stops the conversation or it starts a fight. "Sounds like you wanna be like the other kids." Completely different conversation. But that's-- And he might say, "Dad, you know, sometimes I feel like I don't fit in."

   13. JSJay Shetty17:01

       Mm-hmm.

   14. DADr. Daniel Amen17:02

       Now, my mother would've said, "What do you mean you don't fit in? Of course you fit in. You're a good boy. You're a good-looking boy. You're a nice boy." [laughs] And that's not helpful either.

   15. JSJay Shetty17:11

       Mm-hmm.

   16. DADr. Daniel Amen17:11

       What's just helpful is, "So sometimes you feel like you don't fit in?" And then give it a breath so they're the ones solving-

   17. JSJay Shetty17:20

       Mm-hmm

   18. DADr. Daniel Amen17:21

       ... their problem. Now, at the end of a half an hour, he says, "I still wanna have blue hair," I'm gonna tell him, "No way in hell as long as you live in my house-"

   19. JSJay Shetty17:28

       [laughs]

   20. DADr. Daniel Amen17:29

       "... because it's not cool to look weird. I mean, if you look weird, you're gonna hang out with weird people, right?" It's okay to have boundaries around behavior. Some parents, they have, like, no boundaries, and I think some boundaries are appropriate.

6. 17:46 – 21:26

   What Does No Boundaries Lead To?

   1. JSJay Shetty17:46

      What does no boundaries lead to s- like from a neuroscience and from a study perspective of what does, what happens if you have no bound-

   2. DADr. Daniel Amen17:53

      It leads to mental health problems. So there's, um, this great study out of the University of Oregon where looked at ten thousand families, and they looked at parenting along two dimensions, parents who were, um, firm versus permissive and then hostile versus loving. And if you take those two dimensions, you end up with four types of parents. Uh- Permissive and hostile, permissive and firm, loving and permissive, loving and firm. And they looked at what were the consequences or the outcome of each parenting style. Do you have a sense what would be worse? What would be the worst one that creates the most trouble?

   3. JSJay Shetty18:46

      You would think that it's hostile and permissive.

   4. DADr. Daniel Amen18:49

      Hostile and permissive, the worst. What do you think is the second worst?

   5. JSJay Shetty18:54

      Loving and permissive?

   6. DADr. Daniel Amen18:55

      Loving and permissive. Shocking.

   7. JSJay Shetty18:58

      Wow.

   8. DADr. Daniel Amen18:58

      Because children need boundaries, and the loving and permissive ones had more mental health challenges than the hostile and firm. Now, that's not helpful, right? That creates anxiety. But children need boundaries. I often say God gave us parents until our frontal lobes develop, right? The front third of the brain, the most human part of the brain, focus, forethought, judgment, impulse control, and that's why you need parents to help guide you. And the, one of the big mistakes we make as a society is we abdicate parenting before their frontal lobes are developed. So I'm, like, not a big fan of sending children away to college.

   9. JSJay Shetty19:51

      Hmm.

   10. DADr. Daniel Amen19:51

       Because you're gonna take their undeveloped prefrontal cortex and put them in a dorm with a whole bunch of other undeveloped prefrontal cortices. Bad idea. And you know, I've learned this as a child psychiatrist. Send kids away to school, the incidence of anxiety goes up, depression goes up, suicide goes up, addiction goes up, and, uh, it's not a good thing.

   11. JSJay Shetty20:20

       How were you able to go-- get around that with your kids going to college as well?

   12. DADr. Daniel Amen20:24

       Well, I mean, one of my daughters wanted to go to the University of Virginia, so always across the other side. I'm like, "No, you have to go to somewhere I can drive to see you in three hours."

   13. JSJay Shetty20:33

       Wow.

   14. DADr. Daniel Amen20:33

       Yeah.

   15. JSJay Shetty20:34

       Wow. So yeah, that's-- it's really interesting, this limits and rules, building mental fortitude that you talk about because it's, it's hard to know, I think, as a parent, and it comes back to the earlier point that you were saying that we're just dealing with so much ourselves. Like, people are busy. They're stressed. They are on their phone just trying to decompress after a long day. And what I liked about what you said was twenty minutes of no questions, no commands, and no directions. That, I think, is really powerful and a special takeaway for people because it may be really hard to give quality time, but I love the definition of quality time becoming no directions, no commands, and no questions because it seems like that's what our relationship becomes about with children. And

7. 21:26 – 24:54

   Why Do Children Shut Down?

   1. JSJay Shetty21:26

      what do all of those do? If your relationship is just giving the kids commands, directions, questions, what ends up happening to the relationship?

   2. DADr. Daniel Amen21:32

      They shut down. And if you're just in their space... And, and you know, as a child psychiatrist, you know, I've seen thousands of children over the years, and often parents go, "He won't talk to you. He doesn't want to be here. He won't talk to you." I go, "Yeah, it's really hard to be me." And I just sit there, and I'll play games with them, but while I'm playing a game with them and a game they choose, they chat. You know, they talk about what's going on in their dreams, what goes on at home, what goes on.

   3. JSJay Shetty22:06

      What game would you play with them?

   4. DADr. Daniel Amen22:07

      I mean, we'll play cards. We'll play Chutes and Ladders. We'll play Monopoly. We'll play all sorts of different games. Um, and one of my favorite games is the storytelling game, where I'll-- they'll start a story, and I'll-- they'll have a sentence, I'll have a sentence, they'll have a sentence. And you really get to see how their minds work.

   5. JSJay Shetty22:28

      Why does that work? Why is that a great interaction point that allows them to open up?

   6. DADr. Daniel Amen22:33

      Because kids, if you just say, "Tell me your problem," they'll have no idea, and they'll freeze. If you play a game with them or you go for a walk with them, then they begin to open up if they know you'll listen. And we just-- we're in a society that's talking over each other. Parents are anxious, and they want to solve things, and they talk too much. So if I can get people to use less words and be more present, it's gold for them.

   7. JSJay Shetty23:07

      How do you know if a child is becoming more mentally strong or more mentally weak? As you're practicing some of these methods, what do you notice? What are the habits or the core traits of a mentally strong child and a mentally weak child?

   8. DADr. Daniel Amen23:20

      So mentally strong kids don't believe everything they think. This is so important. Before, in other episodes, we've talked about killing the ANTs, the automatic negative thoughts. Actually, I have a child's book called Captain Snout and the Superpower Questions, where I wrote specifically to teach kids to question their automatic thoughts. And so a vulnerable child, so maybe I wouldn't say mentally weak, we'll just say vulnerable, is y- you notice they have stinking thinking, that they mind read, they fortune tell. They focus on what's wrong rather than on what's right. A s- strong child still have those thoughts, but they'll question them. They just won't attach to, um, what I call the different kinds of ANTs. And blame is, like, the worst ANT. You know? It's you blame other people for your life. You become a victim, and you become powerless. What is it I can do today- To solve this problem and that's the essence of the book, along with love and logic. What is it I can do today to solve this problem?

   9. JSJay Shetty24:36

      Yeah. Obviously, none of us are perfect, and I think every parent is already judging themselves in how they are a parent. I think a lot of people carry that weight around and they carry that stress around of, "I'm not a good parent. I wish I could've handled that better. I shouldn't have said that. I should've said that."

8. 24:54 – 28:00

   How Do You Repair a Broken Bond?

   1. JSJay Shetty24:54

      What's a healthy way to repair a mistake you've made? Maybe you've said something you wish you didn't say, you did something you shouldn't have done, and you've done it a few times. What's a healthy way to repair that bond?

   2. DADr. Daniel Amen25:07

      Well, there's a guilt cycle that people get into. They overreact, and then they feel bad about it, so they don't react.

   3. JSJay Shetty25:17

      Mm.

   4. DADr. Daniel Amen25:17

      And they let bad behavior go, and they let it go, and they let it go, and then they can't stand it, and then they explode. And then they feel guilty, and so they don't react, and they don't react, and then they don't react, and then they overreact. And so the trick is when there's behavior you don't like, deal with it as opposed to let it go. It's like deal with it in the moment. And you're gonna make mistakes. Lord knows I've made lots of mistakes, but every day I win or I learn, right?

   5. JSJay Shetty25:49

      Yeah.

   6. DADr. Daniel Amen25:49

      I'm working with an Olympic athlete that I just love so much, Alysha Newman. She's a Canadian, uh, record holder for pole vaulting, and, um, she's such a mess [laughs] when I saw her. She did my show, Scan My Brain, and now she's so mentally strong because every tournament she wins or she learns. And as a parent, that's the mindset is, you know, we had a really great day, and when you don't have a great day, why didn't we have a great day? And you think about it. In the book, there's all sorts of brain reasons why you didn't have a great day. You didn't sleep. You went too long without food. Um, there's the time change, you know? [laughs] That has more bad days just because, you know, as a society we become jet lagged all at once. So if you can just be curious rather than being furious, it helps you so much. So if we have a really great day, it's like, "Okay, why'd that happen?" And just be thoughtful, and the default is always firm and kind.

   7. JSJay Shetty27:03

      Mm.

   8. DADr. Daniel Amen27:04

      And the softer your voice, the more they pay attention to it. If you're screaming, they tune you out.

   9. JSJay Shetty27:11

      Mm.

   10. DADr. Daniel Amen27:11

       And they get mad.

   11. JSJay Shetty27:12

       Mm. It's so interesting. As I'm listening to you, I'm thinking, as you gave in the example of the Olympic athlete, we need this for ourself right now at this age because our child self didn't probably get this kind of parenting or wasn't exposed to this. And so even that statement you just said that I either win or I learn, I think that's a habit that any of us listening to this right now need to develop because I think just as we're harsher on children or harsher on someone else, it's comes from a fact that we're harsher on ourselves. Like, there's this inner critic and this inner voice that breeds negativity and, as you said, the guilt cycle that continues. It seems that that then becomes the externalized version is how we treat the kids, and then, again, we feel guilty for doing that because we know it's wrong.

9. 28:00 – 31:04

   Don’t Tell Your Child They Are Smart

   1. JSJay Shetty28:00

      When you're trying to become mentally strong yourself but you feel like you don't have time, your kids need dinner cooked, you need to do their homework with them, like, I feel like there's a massive loss of time balance, the ability to cater to this. What do people do when they're like, "Jay, I'm just surviving. Like, I'm just putting food on the table. We're just about even surviving for myself to be able to switch on the TV in the evening after the kids are asleep. Like, I get no time for myself"? How do we balance that time?

   2. DADr. Daniel Amen28:29

      That's why special time is not two hours with the child. It's doable. You're playing the long game, and too often parents love their children so much it's, "We're gonna do soccer, and we're gonna do dance, and we're gonna do music, and we're gonna..." And it's like, stop that. You need time to spend with each other, and you're like, "Well, but I have to do my homework with the children." It's like, please don't. That's not what the schools want you to do. [laughs] They want the children to do the homework, and if they don't do it, let the kids pay the consequences. But then what parents do is they get into this fortune-telling thing. It's like, "Well, then they won't get into the best preschool, and they won't get into the best school, and they won't go to Harvard, and their life will be terrible." And, like, I went to a junior college, w- a community college. I'm actually in the hall of fame at Orange Coast College. [laughs] And I actually think many people-- Mark Cuban actually said that. It's like most people should go to a community college because it's such a low cost, and it's the same education.

   3. JSJay Shetty29:38

      Mm.

   4. DADr. Daniel Amen29:38

      Right? But people have this idea of prestige is attached to my self-esteem.

   5. JSJay Shetty29:45

      Mm.

   6. DADr. Daniel Amen29:45

      And it's-- and prestige is a French word, comes from a French word for deceit, right?

   7. JSJay Shetty29:51

      Mm.

   8. DADr. Daniel Amen29:51

      That, I mean, I went to a community college. My life's just awesome because I work hard, right? And ultimately, another point, you never wanna tell a child they're smart. I mean, parents get so proud. "You're so smart." Don't ever do that. Go, "You work hard." Because if you tell them they're smart and they can't learn something, their self-esteem drops. If you go, "I really like how hard you're working," and they come up with something hard, they work harder.

   9. JSJay Shetty30:21

      Mm.

   10. DADr. Daniel Amen30:21

       And you also teach kids, 'cause mentally strong people ask questions, and too often it's like, "No, I wanna ask questions, so I don't wanna appear dumb." And it's like mentally strong people, they ask- Questions. And so when I was in elementary school, I'd never ask a question. And then I-

   11. JSJay Shetty30:37

       Yeah

   12. DADr. Daniel Amen30:37

       ... realized, 'cause I was in the Army and I took three years between high school and college, and I was able to grow up, and I'm like, "Oh, you have to ask questions," [chuckles] right? I learned that in the Army. If you ask a question and somebody says no, ask somebody else 'cause they're more likely to say yes, right?

   13. JSJay Shetty30:53

       Mm.

   14. DADr. Daniel Amen30:53

       So I learned that. Don't just accept no. But in school, it's like, "Oh, let me ask questions." If I don't understand something, odds are people don't understand those well.

   15. JSJay Shetty31:03

       Mm.

10. 31:04 – 33:07

    How Can Your Child Solve a Problem?

    1. JSJay Shetty31:04

       What are some of those other statements that parents say to kids that they think they're saying the right thing, but they end up backfiring because they make it harder for the child to live up to that? What are some of those other statements?

    2. DADr. Daniel Amen31:15

       It'll be okay. Like, or, "I'll take care of it for you."

    3. JSJay Shetty31:19

       Mm.

    4. DADr. Daniel Amen31:20

       They're having problems with the ch- another child at school, they're immediately in the principal's office. They're not listening to the child and going, "So how do you think you can handle that?" Or what did-- Th- they go and they fix it, and that's death to their self-esteem. Now, of course, if it's dangerous or bullying or abuse, you have to step in and take care of it, but for the day-to-day stuff-

    5. JSJay Shetty31:45

       Mm

    6. DADr. Daniel Amen31:45

       ... how do you think you can solve this? As opposed to, "Well, I had that problem when you were, when I was your age, and this is what I did, and this is what you should do." Don't do that.

    7. JSJay Shetty31:58

       Mm.

    8. DADr. Daniel Amen31:59

       Because it steals-

    9. JSJay Shetty32:00

       Mm

    10. DADr. Daniel Amen32:01

        ... their self-esteem. It steals their agency. What is it you can do? I'm rooting for you.

    11. JSJay Shetty32:08

        Mm.

    12. DADr. Daniel Amen32:09

        Rather than, "Well, that's a dumb decision." [laughs]

    13. JSJay Shetty32:11

        Yeah. Yeah. Wow. No, I-

    14. DADr. Daniel Amen32:13

        Say, "I'm rooting for you."

    15. JSJay Shetty32:14

        I mean, that's so huge in our friendships. It's so huge in a marriage. It's, it's huge with kids. I think it's so easy to just say, "This is what I did, this is what you should do. This is the right way to do it. This is easy." And we think we're, we're basically doing a shortcut because we're not listening. We're not actually bonding. We're not connecting, and we're trying to jump to a conclusion that hopefully we think solves the issue. And a lot of this comes back to what we've both mentioned in this conversation, is that there's this subconscious ego attachment to the child succeeding as being a reflection of our self-esteem. Our self-worth, our self-esteem gets wrapped up in our child's self-worth and self-esteem, and now, you know, subconsciously, we're living our dreams through them. That's not as basic as saying, "I want my kid to be a doctor because I am," but there, there's other more subtle versions of that.

11. 33:07 – 35:16

    You Are Making Your Kids Miserable

    1. JSJay Shetty33:07

       How do people disconnect from that ego? Because it seems to be so subtle and so hidden, but it's there, and I think everyone notices it with their parents when their parents are acting in that way. But almost when we become parents, we- we're completely oblivious to that ego.

    2. DADr. Daniel Amen33:24

       And it's so important. It's often so toxic if someone is living an unrealized life, that they pour a lot of it into their child. And it makes these kids miserable, and it doesn't give them a sense of agency. It constrains them, um, and they often rebel against it, as opposed to, "What do you wanna do?"

    3. JSJay Shetty33:53

       Mm.

    4. DADr. Daniel Amen33:53

       It'll make you a good living, so I don't have to support you. [laughs]

    5. JSJay Shetty33:57

       Mm. Mm.

    6. DADr. Daniel Amen33:58

       And I love my six children, but I never wanna have to live with them, right?

    7. JSJay Shetty34:05

       [laughs]

    8. DADr. Daniel Amen34:06

       So I wanna create competent people who can care for themselves. It's like, "Oh, go live your dream, whether or not you can take care of yourself," and that's gonna set them up to be miserable.

    9. JSJay Shetty34:20

       Mm.

    10. DADr. Daniel Amen34:21

        If you're dependent on someone else, uh, you're miserable.

    11. JSJay Shetty34:26

        Mm.

    12. DADr. Daniel Amen34:26

        Entitled people are never happy. Um, another thing is, and, uh, I posted this on TikTok, and it got like seven million views, um, hallmark of mental strength, um, I don't do things for people who do not treat me with respect.

    13. JSJay Shetty34:46

        Mm.

    14. DADr. Daniel Amen34:47

        Whoa. So, you know, your child misbehaves. You love them so much, it doesn't matter. You, you know, give them everything they want anyways. Death. I don't do nice things for people who I feel don't treat me with respect.

    15. JSJay Shetty35:03

        Mm.

    16. DADr. Daniel Amen35:04

        That doesn't mean you don't feed them. Of course you feed them.

    17. JSJay Shetty35:06

        [laughs]

    18. DADr. Daniel Amen35:07

        But y- you're not taking them to the store, and you're not doing nice things for them. I mean, you need to teach them their consequences.

12. 35:16 – 37:37

    Attachments That Become Broken

    1. DADr. Daniel Amen35:16

       So the third part, so it's goal setting, bonding, so much there, and so many mental illnesses are attached to attachments that become broken.

    2. JSJay Shetty35:32

       Could you walk us through this?

    3. DADr. Daniel Amen35:34

       So, uh, John Bowlby's sort of the famous attachment, uh, s- psychologist, and he said that if we're not connected to our moms or dads, um, it puts us at great risk for mental health problems, and he's absolutely right. And often, the break in the bond between your mother or your father, or it can be any primary caretaker, caretaker, creates this rage inside of you, and then you feel guilt about the rage, and so you attack yourself. And you know many people who live with this negative chatter in their head, and it's often that specific dynamic that they're furious at their mother or their father. You know, perhaps a divorce happened when they were four or five, or they had a sibling die when they were four. Something happened. They get really angry, but that's n- not appropriate because these are the people that feed me. So rage, guilt about the rage, and then- Self-attack

    4. JSJay Shetty36:49

       Mm-hmm

    5. DADr. Daniel Amen36:50

       And they've lived with that their whole lives. I can't tell you the number of people, um ... And when you're four or five or six, you think of yourself at the center of the world. And so if something good happens, you sort of think it's 'cause of you. If something bad happens-

    6. JSJay Shetty37:08

       Mm-hmm

    7. DADr. Daniel Amen37:08

       ... you think it's because of you, and you end up with this chronic sense of being bad. And, uh, there's a specific type of therapy I like. It's called intensive short-term dynamic psychotherapy, and it's often getting to the feelings underneath, and rage and attachment and guilt about the rage are often a significant piece of it.

13. 37:37 – 41:54

    I Don’t Understand My Child

    1. JSJay Shetty37:37

       Sometimes it's hard because I feel like a lot of people may be feeling like, you know, I don't understand my child. Like, they're angry, they're upset, they, you know, they, they kind of wanna disconnect. What do you do in that situation? Where do you start?

    2. DADr. Daniel Amen37:56

       Well, I think you first start with the simple things, time, and look at what they're eating [laughs] 'cause that matters. Um, I have one patient who would go on a rage whenever he got red dye. And people go, "Red dye?" Yeah, red dye number 40. Um, and so-

    3. JSJay Shetty38:19

       That's in, like, every sweet and candy.

    4. DADr. Daniel Amen38:21

       It's ... Think of Red Vines. [laughs]

    5. JSJay Shetty38:24

       Yeah, yeah, yeah.

    6. DADr. Daniel Amen38:24

       And it's even in cough syrup for children or hard candies.

    7. JSJay Shetty38:28

       Right, right.

    8. DADr. Daniel Amen38:29

       Red dye number 40. And he would go on a rage, and when they would take away red dye, he'd be fine, but sometimes he'd get it accidentally and he'd rage. And so I actually scanned him. You know, that's what I do. I look at people's brains. And so we scanned him, no red dye for a month, and his brain was healthy. We gave him Red Vines that have red dye number 40 in it, and his brain went like it exploded, [laughs] that dramatic hyperactivity in his brain. And so if you're really struggling with your child and you use the principles Dr. Fay and I talk about in this book and you're still struggling, it's probably a good idea to get him assessed. And on average, it's years between the time a child first has a symptom, anxiety, depression, OCD, ADD, between they have a symptom and they get assessed, and so many bright people go, "I'd never give my kid drugs." And it's like, if he is diabetic, you give him drugs. If he had heart disease, you give him drugs. It's like... And I'm not advocating drugs, right? I mean, I own a supplement company. Um, but I'm not opposed, if I do the, all the things I know how to do, then I use medicine-

    9. JSJay Shetty39:59

       Mm

    10. DADr. Daniel Amen39:59

        ... to do it. People, like, don't really see the brain as an organ, right? They have to get-

    11. JSJay Shetty40:05

        Mm-hmm

    12. DADr. Daniel Amen40:06

        ... the progression. Your brain, physical function of your brain, creates your mind, and if your brain's not right, your mind's not right. And so what are all the ways that a mind can be troubled, right? So if you have a child that's not sleeping, that has nightmares, that has tantrums that won't go away, they don't socially connect, they're obsessive, it's like s- at some point you have to go, "What's going on in their brain?"

    13. JSJay Shetty40:40

        Mm.

    14. DADr. Daniel Amen40:40

        And there's a whole section in the book on brain health for kids. Of course, you gotta model it as, as a parent, but what you feed them-

    15. JSJay Shetty40:50

        Mm

    16. DADr. Daniel Amen40:50

        ... matters. How much sleep they get-

    17. JSJay Shetty40:53

        Mm

    18. DADr. Daniel Amen40:53

        ... matters. I have another really fun book called Time for Bed, Sleepyhead, which is a hypnotic bedtime story for children. I actually used to do it with my daughter Brianne when she was three. I did it from three [laughs] until eight. She loved this story so much. Um, and think of your kids in four big circles. They have a biology, so we talked about their brain. They have a psychology, how they think. They have a social circle, what's their environment like, and there's a spiritual-

    19. JSJay Shetty41:28

        Mm

    20. DADr. Daniel Amen41:28

        ... circle which most child psychiatrists wouldn't touch.

    21. JSJay Shetty41:31

        Mm.

    22. DADr. Daniel Amen41:31

        But it's sort of like why do you care? You know, why do you think you're on the planet? What's your sense of meaning and purpose? Because purposeful people are happier.

    23. JSJay Shetty41:41

        Yeah.

    24. DADr. Daniel Amen41:41

        Purposeful people, I mean, what am I on, On Purpose, right? [laughs] They, they live longer. And so nurturing those four circles-

    25. JSJay Shetty41:50

        Mm

    26. DADr. Daniel Amen41:51

        ... is so important for the kids.

    27. JSJay Shetty41:53

        Mm.

14. 41:54 – 44:51

    What is a Loving Discipline?

    1. JSJay Shetty41:54

       What does, what does loving discipline look like? Because I think it's, it sounds good. Like, we're all like, "Yeah, I would, I would love to be disciplined, but I'd love to be loving," and often we don't even figure out what that means in the workplace, let alone with kids. We're either loving or disciplined, but we're not-

    2. DADr. Daniel Amen42:09

       Well, I think it should be both. Um-

    3. JSJay Shetty42:11

       What does it look like?

    4. DADr. Daniel Amen42:12

       Well, you know, we haven't gotten to rules. I, I think families should have them. Society has rules, uh, like tell the truth, uh, do what mom and dad say the first time. I love that rule. Uh, because do you know your chance of abusing the child? If you tell a child to do something five times, your chance of abusing that child just went up-

    5. JSJay Shetty42:33

       Mm

    6. DADr. Daniel Amen42:33

       ... significantly. And so if you have the expectation they'll do things the first time, it's like, "Caitlin, take, you know, I want you to take out the trash, like in the next half hour." And if she doesn't, it's like, "Sweetheart, you have a choice." You can take it out now, or you can have this consequence and then you can take it out.

    7. JSJay Shetty42:57

       Mm.

    8. DADr. Daniel Amen42:57

       I don't care, it's up to you. And I love that part of not being attached-

    9. JSJay Shetty43:01

       Mm-hmm

    10. DADr. Daniel Amen43:01

        ... to it. I love her, I'm really clear, and she's getting that consequence if she doesn't move.

    11. JSJay Shetty43:07

        Mm.

    12. DADr. Daniel Amen43:07

        Like, um, y- stop threatening them and then not following through. Uh, because you teach them that y- you have to tell them and get angry and be a bit crazy in order for them to do what you ask them to do.

    13. JSJay Shetty43:25

        Mm. And I, I, I like the rules and rhythms and routines. I remember in my home, after dinner, me and my sister would clean up, and we had a little rotor of who washed up that day and who cleaned the table that day, and it was just something that went around every day. We'd take it in turns, and my sister was four years younger than me, and we'd just do it together, and it became this thing that we just did, and it became natural. It became a habit, and it made us accountable and responsible to each other as well, as well as our parents. And it was a really neat way of kind of giving us that rules and... You know, I think sometimes we think of rules as, like, strict rules and guidelines, but actually it can be just a rhythm and a routine in-

    14. DADr. Daniel Amen44:02

        And it's building competence-

    15. JSJay Shetty44:03

        Yes

    16. DADr. Daniel Amen44:04

        ... and skill, and you're part of the family rather than you're entitled-

    17. JSJay Shetty44:10

        Mm

    18. DADr. Daniel Amen44:11

        ... to live in that family.

    19. JSJay Shetty44:12

        Yeah, yeah.

    20. DADr. Daniel Amen44:13

        And the earlier you start, the, the better it is-

    21. JSJay Shetty44:17

        Mm

    22. DADr. Daniel Amen44:17

        ... um, for kids. I mean, it's, it's hard if you've not spent any time with children by the time they're 14. Their friends are more important than you are.

    23. JSJay Shetty44:27

        Mm.

    24. DADr. Daniel Amen44:27

        And that's the heartbreaking thing I've learned, is if you're not spending time with them, their friends will take your place, and they may not have the, the advice, [laughs] they may not have the right ear-

    25. JSJay Shetty44:43

        Mm-hmm

    26. DADr. Daniel Amen44:44

        ... for you, and it makes them more vulnerable to all the scary stuff that's on-

    27. JSJay Shetty44:50

        Mm

    28. DADr. Daniel Amen44:50

        ... social

15. 44:51 – 46:25

    My Child is Addicted to Social Media

    1. DADr. Daniel Amen44:51

       media.

    2. JSJay Shetty44:51

       Well, I was gonna ask you about that. I think a lot of challenges that parents have today are my child is addicted to social media. They're addicted to their phone. Forget spending time with them, I can't even get them to look up and make eye contact. What have you seen? What have you experienced with-

    3. DADr. Daniel Amen45:08

       There's a whole section-

    4. JSJay Shetty45:09

       Mm-hmm

    5. DADr. Daniel Amen45:09

       ... on technology.

    6. JSJay Shetty45:10

       Yes.

    7. DADr. Daniel Amen45:10

       Is you can have technology, and I recommend you delay it as long as humanly possible, because it's not in their best interest. But you can have technology as long as it's not creating a problem in the family, and if we're not connecting, that's a problem in the family. If you're at dinner, um, now, you can't be on your phone all dinner [laughs] and tell your child they can't be on theirs, right? So probably everybody should put their phones away-

    8. JSJay Shetty45:40

       [laughs]

    9. DADr. Daniel Amen45:40

       ... so you can connect, right? Modeling. Mentally strong parents ultimately raise mentally strong kids. But the problem with social media, and you're on social media, I'm on social media, it creates this toxic level of self-absorption. You know, who's looking at me? Who am I looking at? Who's following me? Um, and self-absorbed people are never, never happy.

    10. JSJay Shetty46:13

        But that's become such a challenge now, right? That it's, it's the thing everyone's addicted to, it's the thing everyone wants. It's... Like you said, parents are on their phones. They're not gonna stop straight away.

16. 46:25 – 48:35

    What Does Social Do to the Brain?

    1. JSJay Shetty46:25

       What do you see being the silver lining or the light end, at the end of a tunnel that's gonna have that breakthrough with a child? Like, what, what do you think that would be?

    2. DADr. Daniel Amen46:35

       Well, you know, I'd go back to delay it as long as you can.

    3. JSJay Shetty46:39

       Mm.

    4. DADr. Daniel Amen46:39

       Even, you know, if the child's like, "Everybody's doing it," 'cause everybody's not doing it. But it's, it's like, "I love you so much, I'm gonna protect you." All the studies, all of them say that it makes kids more vulnerable to bad things. Um, and then when-

    5. JSJay Shetty46:58

       What's it doing to our brain? What's social media doing to our brain?

    6. DADr. Daniel Amen47:02

       Well, addicting it. Um, there's a, a book I love called Thrilled to Death. Uh, it's continually pressing on your nucleus accumbens that produces dopamine, continually pressing on the pleasure centers in your brain. But the problem with that is the more you press on them, they begin to become numb, and you need more and more excitement, more and more stimulation in order to feel anything at all. And, you know, I see it with the wonderful famous people I've been blessed to see. I see it in kids who are ad- I mean, there are actually programs sent, and I've sent a number of kids away to video game, internet addiction program.

    7. JSJay Shetty47:57

       Mm.

    8. DADr. Daniel Amen47:57

       And when they get away from it, they become sweet again. I had one kid who parents took away video games. He broke up all the furniture in his room, and I'm like, "Needs a program." What we decided to do, take away all the gadgets, good, and I scanned him a month later, and then I scanned him while he was playing one of the violent video games he was addicted to, and it deactivated his frontal lobes and his left temporal lobe, which is an area that's often involved in violence.

    9. JSJay Shetty48:32

       Mm.

    10. DADr. Daniel Amen48:32

        Like, it's not a good thing.

    11. JSJay Shetty48:34

        Mm.

17. 48:35 – 51:01

    Effects of Divorce on Kids

    1. JSJay Shetty48:35

       What, what about parents that are, you know, parents that are going through a divorce, going through a difficult time, what's the healthiest way to communicate that to, to a child? I know, I know couples that are staying together for the children. They don't want to get divorced even though they don't have a healthy relationship. I know others who are- Had the divorce, but they're so scared about how that impacts the child. What have you seen through the neuroscience and research around when you're staying together or breaking up?

    2. DADr. Daniel Amen49:03

       So it's not good. Divorce is not good for the child, but staying in a chronically unhappy, conflicted, negative relationship is worse. So neither is good. I often say to the people I see, "The best thing you can do for your child is love your spouse. [laughs] The best thing you can do, model a healthy relationship." But, you know, there's no education in school on how to have a healthy relationship, right? So there should be. That would be helpful. Um, when you go through a divorce, be really careful not to talk bad about the other person.

    3. JSJay Shetty49:49

       Mm.

    4. DADr. Daniel Amen49:49

       Because that child is half you and half them. [laughs] If you're talking bad about their mother, they feel bad about themselves. Plus, it increases cortisol in their body and makes them much more likely to be sick.

    5. JSJay Shetty50:06

       Mm.

    6. DADr. Daniel Amen50:06

       So bad thing. Often, if you're gonna get divorced, go to counseling together and figure out how we are gonna parent together. Raising mentally strong kids is great. Like, we're gonna parent this way. You know, we have goals. We have time together. We have rules. One thing we didn't talk about yet is notice what you like more than what you don't, right?

    7. JSJay Shetty50:32

       Mm-hmm.

    8. DADr. Daniel Amen50:32

       There's a, my whole penguin story is in there, which I think I probably told here before, but I love that. Notice what you like. Every day you're shaping your child by what you notice. You're shaping your partner. You're shaping your employees.

    9. JSJay Shetty50:48

       Mm-hmm.

    10. DADr. Daniel Amen50:48

        You're shaping everybody by what you pay attention to, and so notice what you like more than what you don't, and that really solidifies the kind part of effective parenting.

18. 51:01 – 53:39

    Teach Your Child to Self-Soothe

    1. JSJay Shetty51:01

       Mm. I've also been thinking a lot about, I was sharing with some families over last week when I was doing some events, this idea around how mindfulness and meditation can look very different for children. And so I don't think all kids need to be forced to sit in one place and close their eyes. I also think that mindfulness can be an activity of, "Hey, when you're outside today, see if you can find as many red things as possible. And when you go outdoor today, come back and give me a list of things that you found that were red." Or, "Can you find as many leaves that look like stars or any stones that look like stars today when you're out and about?" And I think mindfulness can actually become alive when we're actually living it and breathing it when they're out and about, as opposed to this feeling of kids need to learn it in a certain way. What have you seen with-

    2. DADr. Daniel Amen51:50

       Well, and they don't sit well. [laughs]

    3. JSJay Shetty51:52

       Yes, yes, exactly. That's my point.

    4. DADr. Daniel Amen51:53

       And it doesn't mean they have ADHD.

    5. JSJay Shetty51:56

       Yeah.

    6. DADr. Daniel Amen51:56

       It may mean their nervous system isn't fully myelinated, right? It's not fully myelinated. For people that don't know what that means, when you're born, you actually don't have much myelin in your brain. Um, as we develop, our neurons get wrapped with a white fatty substance called myelin, and a myelinated neuron works 10 to 100 times faster than an unmyelinated one. And our f- when we're two months old, our occipital lobes in the back vision become myelinated. And so when you look at a baby and smile, they smile back. They don't do it as newborns because their visual cortex isn't working fast.

    7. JSJay Shetty52:39

       Mm.

    8. DADr. Daniel Amen52:39

       And then slowly, myelination goes from the back and comes to the front when, finishes about when we're 25.

    9. JSJay Shetty52:47

       Mm.

    10. DADr. Daniel Amen52:47

        And so expecting the child to act like an adult, bad, bad, bad. But you can teach them self-soothing techniques from the age of four.

    11. JSJay Shetty53:00

        Mm.

    12. DADr. Daniel Amen53:01

        I think, take a big breath, really slow, slow as you can. Breathe it out as slow as you can, and that'll calm when they get anxious. So, you know-

    13. JSJay Shetty53:13

        Yeah, what I'm hearing from you today-

    14. DADr. Daniel Amen53:14

        ... pattern breathing

    15. JSJay Shetty53:15

        ... is that it's, it's really helping them develop the tools that they're going to need long term. The challenge is we need to know what those tools are ourselves-

    16. DADr. Daniel Amen53:23

        [laughs] And do them for ourselves

    17. JSJay Shetty53:25

        ... and do them for ourselves to really believe in them, because otherwise, we, like you said, we rush to solve their problems. We try and make up for their losses. They never get to become independent, resilient individuals.

19. 53:39 – 56:24

    How to Love Your Child Right

    1. JSJay Shetty53:39

       And talk to us about where love fits into all of this. Like, what does love look like with your child, beyond time and beyond certain things you've said today? Like, what does love really look like? What does love mean? Because I think when you think about what parents ultimately want, they wanna be loving parents. That's what everyone wants to, they wanna love their child. But love overcomes as overcompensating. Love often translates as over-solving, over-fixing, overdoing, and overwhelming and forcing them to be overachievers. And so even though we love them, we end up doing all these things that cause them pain.

    2. DADr. Daniel Amen54:13

       So love is when you want to bring their homework to school. It's not. Because you love them, and you want the best for them, which is becoming mentally strong. That's love. Love is putting away your phone and spending time with them. Love is when they go, and when they're 10 and go, "All my friends have a phone. What if a school shooter comes and I can't get ahold of you?" Children are manipulative. Quite frankly, all of us are manipulative. And it's like, you know, there are just too many risks with that. That's love. It's setting boundaries in a kind, consistent way. And ultimately, love is you developing these tools so you can be firm and kind at the same time.

    3. JSJay Shetty55:11

       Beautiful. Dr. Daniel Amen, everyone. The book is called Raising Mentally Strong Kids: How to Combine the Power of Neuroscience with Love and Logic to Grow Confident, Kind, Responsible, and Resilient Children and Young Adults. If you don't have a copy already, go and grab yours right now. Dr. Daniel Amen, what a gift to talk to you again about this subject. Uh, like we've said, you've, uh, come on many, many times. First time that we've really dove into kids and raising them. Uh, and I'm so grateful that you put this book together for everyone else to read and share, and I hope that parents will develop book clubs around it, communities around it, because I think this conversation of raising mentally strong kids needs to be at the center of our schools, our homes, our families, because it's going to set them up and set our society and world up for so much success. So thank you so much for doing this, honestly.

    4. DADr. Daniel Amen56:03

       Thank you, my friend.

    5. JSJay Shetty56:04

       Thank you. If you loved this episode, you'll love my interview with Dr. Gabor Maté on understanding your trauma and how to heal emotional wounds to start moving on from the past.

    6. SPSpeaker56:16

       Everything in nature grows only where it's vulnerable. So a, a tree doesn't grow where it's hard and thick, does it? It grows where it's soft and green and vulnerable

Episode duration: 56:24