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Jay Shetty Podcast‘’This is How I KNEW He Was the One!’’ - Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE
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CHAPTERS
- 0:00 – 4:00
Making Male Friendships as an Adult
Jay Shetty welcomes Selena and Benny back and credits Selena for bringing him and Benny together as friends. They discuss how hard it is to make new friends as an adult and how people get more guarded with age.
- •Jay says it's hard for men to make new friendships as they get older
- •A speaker notes adults barely have time for their existing people and cites Larry David on built-in friends
- •Selena says she assumed guys instantly click into a flow
- •Benny reflects on the freedom of being young and unconfined by self-imposed rules
- •Jay hopes the conversation goes deeper than surface-level interviews
- 4:00 – 17:12
Reliving the First Meeting and the Studio Session
Jay asks them to relive the first time they met. They recall a meeting arranged by Selena's mom when she was 16, the video shoot where Selena disarmed Benny and the director, and Selena's guarded distance afterward.
- •Neither remembers the first meeting arranged by Selena's mother
- •Benny remembers being struck by how deep and warm Selena was at the video shoot
- •Selena admits she was cautious and rarely spoke to him, and Benny thought she hated him
- •Selena explains she gets nervous with producers watching her sing
- •Benny came to the Single Soon session to smooth things over, and 10 minutes turned into 30
- 17:12 – 17:24
Texts, a First Date, and a Kiss
After the session Benny texted Selena, and they began messaging, including sending unflattering selfies. Selena thought a drink was a date while Benny didn't, and a card game led to their first kiss.
- •Selena sent Benny her worst photos while developing a crush
- •Selena said that if it were a date she'd have dressed nicer, surprising Benny
- •Selena says she felt immediate safety and no weird motives from him
- •They kissed right after a selfie prompt in the card game We're Not Really Strangers
- •Benny says he knew quickly that she was his person
- 17:24 – 20:56
Benny's List and Selena Opening Up
Benny shares the list he wrote with his therapist before meeting Selena. Jay then asks Selena what gave her the confidence to open up while protecting herself, and she talks about letting go of plans and feeling truly seen.
- •Benny's list started with age appropriate, 30 plus, then kind, compassionate and caring
- •Selena says making plans is silly because you don't know what will happen
- •She shifted from wishing for someone to feeling grateful for her family and friends
- •She says Benny sees only who she is and talks her through spirals
- 20:56 – 22:38
Fate, Timing, and Everything Happening Fast
Jay asks Benny about nearly introducing Selena to his single friends. Benny says it happens for a reason and that meeting later was the right time, and they say their relationship moved quickly into friendship and romance at once.
- •Benny believes in fate and that kindness comes back karmically
- •They say they'd never have worked if they'd met younger
- •They weren't scared of losing the friendship because it all happened in a day
- •Dating frequency escalated quickly from once a week to constant
- 22:38 – 29:15
Trust and Making Long Distance Work
Jay asks how two busy people manage long distance and work schedules. Selena says trust and communication are the biggest thing, and Benny describes small, proactive gestures like check-in texts and listening.
- •Selena says check-ins make her feel safe during 12 to 14-hour days
- •Benny says you date every person your partner has ever dated, baggage included
- •Benny sends simple texts between events and says men need to listen
- •Benny says he trusts people until they give him a reason not to
- 29:15 – 34:22
Saying "I Love You" First
They discuss keeping the relationship private, deciding to stop hiding on a trip to New York, and who said I love you first. Selena said it first for the first time in her life, and Benny describes saying it constantly now.
- •They saw each other secretly for months before choosing to live openly
- •Selena was tired of protecting herself and said I love you first
- •Selena had said it after surgery and on a call before Benny said it back
- •Benny says it to her thousands of times a day and tells her she's beautiful
- 34:22 – 38:36
Making It Cool to Be Kind and Open
Jay asks why openness and affection are seen as weakness. Selena says the world feels hard to please and being kind has become uncool, and she values Benny's sincerity. Benny and Jay say showing emotion and making people feel good is cool.
- •Selena says she's called fake and doesn't always feel safe being herself
- •She believes Benny means what he says and isn't flattering her
- •Jay says we should make caring, love and kindness cool again
- •Benny calls hiding emotion a macho thing
- •Jay notes people accept less than they deserve because they want what's cool
- 38:36 – 44:51
Ignoring Comments and the Pressure on Women
Benny explains why he doesn't read comments or interviews, and Jay explains how the brain fixates on negativity. Selena then speaks about how much harder public scrutiny is on women, and how she manages social media.
- •Benny says reading comments seeks either validation or insult, and he needs neither
- •Jay says people search 100 comments for the one negative one
- •Selena says women face judgments about character, appearance and weight
- •Selena says it has made her a bit bitter and she takes breaks from her phone
- •Jay points out the contradiction between mental health advocacy and pointing fingers
- 44:51 – 58:44
Handling Disagreements and Emotional Maturity
They describe how they communicate and handle conflict through calm approaches, space and listening. Jay distinguishes maturity from perfection and shares his own experience; Selena admits she used to be reactive, and Benny talks about guiding rather than escalating.
- •Selena raises concerns gently, and Benny responds in kind rather than defensively
- •She asks for 25 minutes of space and soon asks him to come back
- •Jay says maturity, not perfection, means asking for space and welcoming the person back
- •Benny dislikes the need to win arguments and uses physical touch to calm things
- •Jay asks his wife whether she wants him to listen, fix, or go through it with her
- 58:44 – 1:04:01
The Proposal and the Whataburger Gift
Selena shares what she'll say about the proposal, and Benny describes being suddenly nervous. They also tell the story of the Whataburger he reheated for Valentine's Day, which she counts alongside the proposal as a favorite moment.
- •Selena thought she had a shoot, and walked into a room set up by Benny
- •Benny was approving masters until a second before proposing
- •Benny says he didn't care about marriage until she did
- •The Whataburger gift worked because he listened and remembered her order
- 1:04:01 – 1:08:01
Jay's Proposal Story and Wedding Plans
Jay tells the story of his proposal in London, including the cold food and his wife's allergic reaction to the horse. They then talk about wedding planning, which hasn't begun because of Selena's shoot schedule.
- •Jay's proposal had flowers, an acapella group, and a horse-drawn carriage
- •His wife turned out to be allergic to horses
- •Jay wants to renew vows at ten years of marriage
- •Selena and Benny haven't started wedding planning and aren't rushing
- 1:08:01 – 1:14:52
Making the Album Together
Jay asks about recording their album. Selena says songs cover multiple stories and past relationships, and that recording together felt like therapy, as Benny captured her thoughts. They say it brought them closer and they recorded at home with friends.
- •Some songs are about Benny's past relationships and there's a history of love
- •Selena used to record alone and never let Benny in the room
- •Benny turned her dreams and thoughts into songs
- •They set boundaries and give notes without ego
- •They hope to show their kids the music one day
- 1:14:52 – 1:18:25
Family Hopes and Benny on Selena
Asked about kids, Selena says she's excited to be a mom someday. Benny describes how shy she is yet instantly connects with children, her impact on people across generations, and how authentic she is.
- •Selena says she loves children and will be excited when the day comes
- •Benny says she's extremely shy and tries to disappear into a crowd
- •She goes straight to kids at gatherings
- •Benny says her authenticity draws him to her most
- 1:18:25 – 1:33:53
Couples Game and Closing
Jay hands them boards for a couples game with questions about food, skills, date nights, flying, humor and gifts. They compare answers, laugh at their mismatches, and the show ends with thanks and a teaser for another episode.
- •They both landed on corn dishes when asked what to cook
- •Selena's hidden talent answer: she knows every line of Friends
- •Benny doesn't fly and hasn't since they've been dating
- •Selena's gift of a framed first text and Benny's Will & Grace painting
- •Both say they're grateful and Jay says he's rooting for them
