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The Jefferson Fisher Podcast3 Signs You Have a Toxic Boss (And What to Do About It) ft. George Stern
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WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT
Three toxic-boss signs and empathy-based ways to respond
- George Stern defines toxic bosses as those who make feedback personal, undermine trust through micromanaging or dismissiveness, and ignore boundaries by expecting constant availability.
- He argues the core failure behind many bad boss behaviors is lack of empathy, especially when managers react to employee life events by prioritizing what it means for themselves or the company.
- For employees dealing with toxicity, he recommends first identifying what is driving the boss’s behavior, exiting if the boss is unchangeably toxic, and otherwise having a direct conversation about what isn’t working.
- For managers struggling with an employee who may be taking advantage, he proposes a checklist: define expectations objectively, communicate them explicitly, and ensure they’re reasonable before holding the person accountable.
- The conversation also explores how middle managers can “manage up” by sharing downstream impact with senior leaders while demonstrating to their teams that they advocated for them.
IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING
5 ideasA key sign of a toxic boss is feedback that goes personal instead of staying about the work.
He described toxic feedback as language that attacks the person ("always screwing that up") rather than addressing what happened and how to improve next time.
Undermining trust and autonomy is toxicity because it crushes confidence.
He framed micromanaging and “I’ll do it myself” behavior as communicating a lack of trust that erodes an employee’s confidence and reputation inside the organization.
Boundary violations (24/7 expectations) can be the most subtle—and most draining—form of toxicity.
He emphasized that expecting responsiveness at all hours, resisting time off, or treating work as “everything” blurs home/work lines and accelerates burnout, even when people normalize it as “grind.”
How you respond depends on whether the boss is fixable or fundamentally toxic.
He said employees should first diagnose what’s driving the boss (overwhelm, lack of training, cluelessness vs. being a "jerk"). If the boss is unchangeably toxic, he advised planning an exit; otherwise, have a direct conversation about what isn’t working.
Empathy in personal-crisis moments is a high-leverage leadership behavior.
He argued managers often default to “what does this mean for me/company?” instead of “what does this mean for the employee?” and gave examples where grace during bereavement creates loyalty while suspicion (policy challenges, proof demands) breeds resentment and turnover.
WORDS WORTH SAVING
5 quotesCar- careers are too short- ... to waste time on someone who is ... unchangeably toxic- ... because you, you don't, I mean, you get 40 years in, in a career, and if you're spending one, two, three, I, you know, close 5, 10% of it- ... with someone who's draining you, bringing you down, negatively impacting your physical and mental health, it, it is, it is worse than whatever else you're fearing.
— George Stern
If you are the boss forcing them to come into work that day when their alternative is being by their sick mom, you are forcing them to put work above family, and they may do that for you that day. You may win that day. But that's it.
— George Stern
It is just be a good person when it counts, and they're gonna be a good, productive employee for you for their career.
— George Stern
You're not a family. Families don't do layoffs. Families, when things get tough, don't say, "You're out of the family."
— George Stern
Your poor planning is not their emergency.
— George Stern
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SPEAKERS
Jefferson Fisher
hostHost of The Jefferson Fisher Podcast and a lawyer focused on communication and conflict resolution.
George Stern
guestWorkplace/management communication expert discussing toxic boss dynamics and leadership behaviors.
High quality AI-generated summary created from speaker-labeled transcript.
