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The Jefferson Fisher PodcastHow to Prepare for Conversations Without Overthinking Them | Jefferson Fisher
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At a glance
WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT
Priming conversations, giving feedback, and communicating confidently without overthinking
- To avoid overthinking a conversation, Fisher recommends “priming” it by openly admitting your thoughts are still forming and asking the other person to simply listen.
- He suggests using a “percentage of an idea” framing (e.g., 10% or 30%) to invite collaboration and reduce the pressure to present fully polished thoughts, especially at work.
- For giving feedback, he advises replacing “but” with “and” to prevent undoing praise and to keep the message additive and constructive.
- He recommends separating the person from the work by critiquing the “presentation/project” rather than “your presentation,” making feedback feel less personal and more collaborative.
- To sound warm yet direct, he emphasizes assertive word choice—cutting unnecessary apologies and using gratitude (“Thanks for your patience”)—and argues confidence is built through assertive language, not before it.
IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING
5 ideasPrime the conversation to prevent over-scripted outcomes.
Start by naming that your thoughts aren’t fully organized (“I’m nervous,” “This might be confusing,” “I don’t know where this is going yet”). This creates room for a real, evolving dialogue rather than acting out a rehearsed script.
Use “percentage of an idea” to invite co-creation.
Saying “I have 10% of an idea—help me with the other 90%” lowers stakes and signals brainstorming. It shifts responsibility from performance to collaboration in meetings and even in relationships.
Swap “but” for “and” to keep feedback constructive.
Fisher argues “but” erases what came before and makes people brace for criticism. “And” frames improvements as additions (“…and what would make it even better is…”), keeping buy-in.
Critique the work, not the person.
Distance the object from the individual (“The presentation could benefit from a tweak” vs “Your presentation wasn’t great”). This makes it feel like both of you are looking at the same third thing together.
Build confidence by practicing assertive language first.
He reframes confidence as an outcome: assertive statements create confidence, which then reinforces more assertive communication. The loop starts with word choice, not waiting to “feel ready.”
WORDS WORTH SAVING
5 quotesYou’re going to tell the person, "I have something I want to share, but it’s not fully thought out."
— Jefferson Fisher
What I’ll often lead with is, "I don’t know where this is going. I just need it out of my head."
— Jefferson Fisher
"All right. I got 10% of an idea. Y’all let me know on the other 90%."
— Jefferson Fisher
That word but just deleted everything you said before.
— Jefferson Fisher
Your self-worth is not tied to how little of an inconvenience you can be.
— Jefferson Fisher
SPEAKERS
Jefferson Fisher
hostTrial lawyer and communication coach who teaches practical conversation and conflict-resolution skills.
High quality AI-generated summary created from speaker-labeled transcript.
