How to Speak with Confidence at Work

1. 0:00 – 0:30

   Why workplace confidence often feels elusive (and what “respect” really means)

   1. JFJefferson Fisher0:00

      If you're somebody who when you go into the office at work and you wish you felt a little bit more confident, you felt like your words carried a little bit more weight, you felt like when you went into those meetings, you were a little bit more respected, well, this episode is for you. Today, we're talking how to be more respected in your communication. Welcome to the Jefferson Fisher Podcast, where I'm on a mission to make your next conversation the one that changes everything. If you enjoy learning tools to improve your communication, I'm gonna ask

2. 0:30 – 1:01

   Quick housekeeping + newsletter invite

   1. JFJefferson Fisher0:30

      you to please like, subscribe, follow this podcast wherever you're listening, and in exchange, my promise is to make you a better communicator. If you don't know, I send out a weekly communication tip right to your inbox. It's just one tip, totally for free, to help you start your week. If you go down to the show notes, you'll see a link there for the newsletter, and I hope to see you there. This podcast is sponsored by Cozy Earth. I love Cozy Earth because I use their stuff. I say it all the time, but it's true. Their sheets are on my bed right now. I live in Texas. It is sweltering

3. 1:01 – 1:31

   Sponsor: Cozy Earth (sheets, comfort, guarantee)

   1. JFJefferson Fisher1:01

      hot. It is so humid. My gosh. Uh, but the one thing that I love and I look forward to anytime I'm traveling, I'm like, "I know I'm gonna be sleeping in my own bed." Well, part of that is because of the sheets that are on it. You can go to cozyearth.com/jefferson. Use the code Jefferson for 40% off. They, to me, are the premier maker of all things bedsheets related and any cozy comfy wear that you like. And on top of that, they have a 100-night guarantee trial for you to try on the sheets. 100 nights

4. 1:31 – 3:02

   Case study: the bubbly colleague who wants to be taken seriously

   1. JFJefferson Fisher1:31

      to try it. If you don't like it, you take them right back, but you're not gonna wanna do that. Go to cozyearth.com/jefferson. Use the code Jefferson for 40% off. I had a friend of mine that she felt that whenever she went into the office, she wasn't really being listened to. And I said, "Okay. Well, what, what's, what's going on? What are you, what are you doing? When you first go into the office, what is your persona like? Well, how, how are you behaving?" And she told me, "Well, I'm kind of jumpy. I like to ... I'm, I'm very excited. I get very excited. I, um, I, I use my hands a whole lot." I'm like, "That's great. That's, that's all good, and there's nothing wrong with that. How do you wish that they perceived you?" And she said, "Well, I wish they took me more seriously." I said, "Okay. Well, there's nothing wrong with that. Either way, I do not want you to change who you are. At the same time, what you're telling me about yourself does not match with the outcome that you're wanting." When you say, "I want people to take me more seriously. I want people to respect me more," I said that, that, that is a different line of communication when you want somebody to take you more seriously. If you're somebody who's extremely bubbly, awesome. That's great, but are you also bubbly in the, the serious things? She goes, "Well, I kinda just get nervous, and I, I, I try to look in the positive of everything." And I said, "That's great. I want you to con- keep with that. I want you to always look in the positive side of things, but let's look more at how you're talking and behaving." Here's some things that I shared with her, and she's, uh, over in Austin, Texas, so you know who you are. Shout out. What's up?

5. 3:02 – 4:34

   Tip #1 — Use a calmer voice by slowing down your words

   1. JFJefferson Fisher3:02

      Is the ... Here's, here's three things I want you to do if you wanna be more respected in the workplace. Number one, you already know it. I want you to use a calmer voice. That doesn't mean change who you are. That just means you have to decide to slow down your words. Even when you get amped up and you're somebody who has a really high register in their voice and they sound really high, you talk really high, like a really high pitch all the time, and you're going with a question mark. You're going, "Hey. So I, I was just wondering," that kind of stuff is always up in that higher register. It doesn't sound, what? Nearly as calm. In exchange, it doesn't sound nearly as confident. But even if you have a higher register voice, if you slow down your words, it's very hard to continue to have a very high register. So when you slow down your words, you will automatically put your words more at rest. When you get worked up and you get ... Just think about this right now. If you're really excited about something, you get really excited. Somebody surprises you. You're amped up. You're excited. How do you typically sound? Do you speed up, or do you slow down? You typically speed up. And when you do that, your voice goes up as well. When you slow down, your voice goes lower naturally. Now I'm not saying you have to have a low voice like mine. If ... I, I would say my voice is kinda low. You ... [laughs] I don't know. Um, you don't have to have a voice that sounds like my voice. It, it, it does not matter. My point is anytime you have a voice that says, "I am not nervous. I am not threatened," a

6. 4:34 – 5:04

   Why calm delivery earns respect in meetings

   1. JFJefferson Fisher4:34

      voice that says, "I am not anxious," and it all has to do with the, the tone of your voice. If I, if I'm always just really, really fast and I'm getting really amped up and I'm, I'm anxious, you know what? Right now, you're probably gonna be feeling a little bit more anxious just listening to me. But if I slow down my words, the better I communicate. In exchange, people hear that, and they go, "I like how this person is talking to me. I'm going to respect that more." Why? Because it sounds more grounded. It sounds less

7. 5:04 – 6:36

   Tip #2 — Stop sounding wishy-washy: use words that show where you stand

   1. JFJefferson Fisher5:04

      anxious. It sounds less uncertain. So whenever you slow down your words, you calm. You send a signal of calm whenever you slow down your words, lower your voice. Easy. You know to do this, but it's extremely important. How else can you be more respected in the workplace? Number two, use words that tell people where you stand. I'll tell you who's not respected, the people who are always wishy-washy on things. And when I was talking with my friend in Austin, she, she understood my point. Sh- she didn't like this point, uh, which I understood. It's okay to change your mind. It's okay to be uncertain. She goes, "Well, Jefferson, there's some things I just don't know." That's fine. There's nothing wrong with that whatsoever. Here is the difference. If I go ... If you ask me a question, and I go, "You know, I don't ... I mean, maybe. I'm not, I'm, I'm not really sure. I mean, that's ... I mean, m- possibly." Is that somebody you're going to respect more or less just based on what you just heard? Versus me saying Here's what I know. I'm not sure at this point, but I know after some time we're gonna figure it out. Does that... And, and I right there I'm, I'm already admitting I don't know the answer. Same thing as the point of before when I gave the wishy-washy answer. One sounds more respectful, that you can, "Hey, I respect what this person's saying. I respect their position." The other sounds way more off. How do you, Jefferson, how do you do that? Very easy way to be more

8. 6:36 – 8:07

   The “Here is…” framework for confident, respected opinions

   1. JFJefferson Fisher6:36

      respected in your meetings when you get asked for opinions is to begin with the phrase, "Here is." Here's what I know. That one's easy. Here's what I know, and give your opinion. Right? What are you doing? You're telling them, "Here's where I stand." Even if you were to say, "Here's where I stand on this. Here's what I've heard. Here's what I know to be true." You hear how I am using my words to inform everybody else exactly where I stand in this meeting, in the office. Here is. Here's the takeaway. Here's my point. Here's what I know. Here's the truth. Here's the question. When you say, "Here is," I am taking what I know and almost delivering it to you on a platter, even if that platter has nothing on it. Here's what I know. I don't know the answer right now, but I'll find it out. I'm going to naturally exude more respect from anybody by telling them where I stand. Think about anybody you ask an opinion of, and they're really, really wishy-washy. Do you go, "Ah, I, I can respect that position"? No. You like to know where they stand on the topic. Even if it's, "Here's, here's what I know. I'm, I don't have an opinion yet." You can go, "Okay, I can respect that. I can respect that." So how do you be more respected? In meetings, show them where you stand

9. 8:07 – 9:38

   Sponsor: Momentous (supplements, routines, discount)

   1. JFJefferson Fisher8:07

      on any topic, on any issue when it gets brought to your table, and you do that by beginning with the phrase, "Here is." Here's what I know. Here's where I stand. Easy. You got this, I promise. Before we keep going, I wanna take a second to tell you about Momentous. I was somebody who I thought that supplements were really just for the major athletes, the, the people who always wanted to work out all the time. And I mean, I, I stay fit and I lift, but I was like, "I don't really need all those supplements." I was wrong. All right? There are a lot of things in our food that we just don't get, especially if you're like me, you're always busy, you're on the run. Momentous is a supplement company, but does it the right way. I've been taking it for over a year now, long before they even mentioned to be on the podcast and sponsor it. I use their protein, their creatine, their omega-3s. I, I, I use, uh, their sleep stuff. I use their daily vitamin. It... Why? Because their stuff is good and clean, and that's what I like, to make sure that what I'm putting in my body is the best. So if you're like me and you wanna take care of your body the right way, doesn't matter if you're an athlete or not, but you wanna make sure that you're getting fed the right nutrients, I want you to go to livemomentous.com, use the code Jefferson, and get up to 35% off your first subscription. You can go to livemomentous.com, use the code Jefferson for 35% off your first subscription. Number three, if you want to be more respected in the workplace, you have to be

10. 9:38 – 10:09

    Tip #3 — Set boundaries without apologizing

    1. JFJefferson Fisher9:38

       good with using boundaries without the apology. This one was very hard for her, and we walked through it. I said, "Okay, the, we're, we're gonna be able to do this, I promise." People who are respected are the ones, when things are going south in the meeting, they say, "I need to stop you there. I'm gonna stop you there." They're not gonna say, "Hey. Okay, sorry. I, I really need to... Sorry, I need to process this for a second. I'm, I'm so sorry." I, I... That kind of stuff you don't respect,

11. 10:09 – 12:10

    Use consequences: “If this continues, this is the end of the conversation”

    1. JFJefferson Fisher10:09

       right? 'Cause they're apologizing for it. They're being hesitant. Instead of leaning into it, "I need to stop you there," or, "I'm not comfortable with where this conversation is going." They use words like direction. "I'm not good with the direction of where this is going." They lay the boundary without apologizing. An easy boundary to apply is when you tell somebody the consequence. The consequence, and it sounds like this: "I'm not comfortable where this conversation is going. If we continue down this road, this is the end of the conversation." That's one of my favorite endings. If this, then this is the end of the conversation. If Y, then this is the end of the conversation. I did that all the time with plaintiff attorneys and defense attorneys. If the conversation, they were getting heated and I didn't like where it was going, I had no problem saying, "If you continue to go down this path with me, this is the end of the conversation." You know what they did? They always self-corrected. It's me easily putting a boundary, making it bright red for them to know, "Hey, this is where it stops. I'm gonna stop you there. If you continue to talk to me like that, this is the end of the conversation." They don't apologize for it. They don't say, "Hey, I'm, I'm so sorry this, you know, this really is just breaks my boundary here." Whenever you are apologizing and justifying a boundary, people respect it less. Even if you put a boundary, understand that they're going to, there's gonna be people who don't agree with it. There's gonna be people especially who don't like it. There's nothing wrong with that. What I teach is just because somebody's uncomfortable with your boundary doesn't mean that that boundary is wrong. Typically means that that boundary is working. So how can you be more respected in the office? I want you to use a calmer voice. Two, I want you to use words that show people where you stand in the conversation. A really easy way to do that is beginning with, "Here is." Here's what I know. Here's what I've heard. Here's what I know to be true. And then give

12. 12:10 – 13:41

    Respect vs. likability: don’t compensate with more positivity

    1. JFJefferson Fisher12:10

       your opinion, and that's gonna be more respected. Three, if things go south, you need to be comfortable with putting up the boundary of knowing what you're gonna do, what you're not going to do without the apology. The other person may not like that, but they will respect you for it. One of the biggest things I had to take away with my friend in Austin, she, um, understood that the apologies are what typically sank how she felt in communication and meetings. She found a way to always go, "Okay, I'm, I'm sorry. You can let me know if this is, this is totally wrong." And I worked through her to go, "Ah, let's, let's delete all that. Let's scrape all of that." Because she's a very bubbly personality. She's fantastic. She's been a friend of, uh, me and my wife for a long time. I went to college with her. And she's just as happy as can be, but at the same time, she felt like she wasn't all that respected. And maybe that's you right now. You're listening and you're saying, "I mean, I'm a nice person. I, I do good things for people, but I still don't feel like they're really listening to me." The answer is not to be more happy. The answer is not to be more positive. If only I just have a better outlook on everything, they're gonna respect me more in my communication. That's not the truth. People ... I, I don't want you to change. I don't want you to hear me and go, "Okay, I guess I have to change my whole personality." No, that's not it at all. That's the opposite of what I'm telling you to do. Contain and keep exactly who you are. Stay true to who you are at all times. And staying

13. 13:41 – 15:08

    Final recap: calm voice, clear stance, firm boundaries (no apology)

    1. JFJefferson Fisher13:41

       true to who you are, what we're also going to do is when times get more serious at work, in meetings, on calls, the times and moments of can I respect you and not when you're talking to anybody happen in the moments that are more difficult, happens in the moment when things are on the line, and you've gotten passed the ball, and it's your turn to talk, and it's your turn to put your ... up your opinion. It's your turn to, to put out whatever you need to put out in that, in that moment. You'll be respected more when your voice is not super high, but slower and more steady. You're signaling calm. You're gonna be more respected when you show them where you stand in the meeting, where you stand in the situation, where you stand in the conversation. And three, how you handle it when people start pushing your boundary, how ... When people start disrespecting you, so to speak, and you're very quick to say, "Hey, I need to stop you there. I don't allow people to disrespect me in conversation. And if you continue to do that, then this is gonna be end of it. This is gonna be the end of it." You see how I'm staying calm, matter of fact? I'm not getting worked up, and most of all, I'm not apologizing for it. You can do it. I know that you can. How to be more respected in your communication. Go out, go do good things always, and as always, you can try that and follow me.

Episode duration: 15:09