How to Talk to Someone With Tourette Syndrome ft. Baylen Dupree

1. 0:00 – 0:54

   Cohen’s support: letting Baylen be seen during tic attacks

   1. JFJefferson Fisher0:00

      Your husband, remind me of his name?

   2. BDBaylen Dupree0:02

      Cohen.

   3. JFJefferson Fisher0:02

      Yeah.

   4. BDBaylen Dupree0:03

      Cohen. [tics]

   5. JFJefferson Fisher0:03

      Yeah. [laughs] And so when-

   6. BDBaylen Dupree0:06

      Got damn

   7. JFJefferson Fisher0:06

      ... when you're talking to him-

   8. BDBaylen Dupree0:08

      Cohen says a lot of dick comes out, Steve Jobs, lots of dick

   9. JFJefferson Fisher0:09

      ... is there, like, is there something he does in particular that helps-

   10. BDBaylen Dupree0:14

       Cohen

   11. JFJefferson Fisher0:14

       ... center you or helps smooth conversation or conflict?

   12. BDBaylen Dupree0:20

       When we first started dating, I was like, "I have these attacks that happen, and I would just prefer if you weren't in the room." And he was like, "Why?" And I was like, "I'm just embarrassed by them."

   13. JFJefferson Fisher0:33

       Yeah.

   14. BDBaylen Dupree0:33

       "I don't like anybody to see them."

   15. JFJefferson Fisher0:35

       Very vulnerable.

   16. BDBaylen Dupree0:36

       "They're very hard for people to watch because I'm hurting myself."

   17. JFJefferson Fisher0:40

       Mm-hmm.

   18. BDBaylen Dupree0:41

       And he's like, "Well, I wanna be there for you, like, I don't want you to, like, deal with this by yourself." So we started having joint tic attacks together. [laughs]

   19. JFJefferson Fisher0:50

       Yeah.

   20. BDBaylen Dupree0:50

       Not a lot of people you date have Tourette syndrome.

2. 0:54 – 2:25

   Are tics intentional? Premonitory urges, control, and misconceptions

   1. JFJefferson Fisher0:54

      When we think of tics, I, you know, I've heard of Tourette's.

   2. BDBaylen Dupree1:00

      [tics]

   3. JFJefferson Fisher1:00

      And so in the words, um, or phrases that there are verbal things that it's, like, almost to understand, like a sneeze, that you just... It's, it's totally involuntary and what comes out isn't chosen, it's just what, what's, what comes out.

   4. BDBaylen Dupree1:13

      Mm-hmm.

   5. JFJefferson Fisher1:13

      And in the same way with, uh, motor skills, uh, tics. So I have, uh, people I know who they, they'll either, there's this thing where they clear their-

   6. BDBaylen Dupree1:24

      Mm

   7. JFJefferson Fisher1:24

      ... their throat right before they talk every single time, and they don't even know that they're really-

   8. BDBaylen Dupree1:28

      Mm-hmm

   9. JFJefferson Fisher1:28

      ... doing it. So how intentional, for those who go, I mean, can you choose the words that you have?

   10. BDBaylen Dupree1:36

       No.

   11. JFJefferson Fisher1:36

       Yeah.

   12. BDBaylen Dupree1:37

       You, I don't really get to choose. So you get a premonitory urge before you tic, so you know, kind of, you get a feeling, so you kind of know what you're gonna-

   13. JFJefferson Fisher1:47

       Mm

   14. BDBaylen Dupree1:48

       ... say or do. Um, however, when I say that to people, they, they also think, "So you're able to control it?"

   15. JFJefferson Fisher1:56

       Yeah.

   16. BDBaylen Dupree1:56

       And I'm not able to, because they're not things that I'm thinking of. They're not things, they're not thoughts.

   17. JFJefferson Fisher2:03

       Right.

   18. BDBaylen Dupree2:03

       They're not, like, I say a fat ass and I see one. Like, it's not-

   19. JFJefferson Fisher2:07

       [laughs] Yeah, yeah

   20. BDBaylen Dupree2:08

       ... it's not, it's not like that.

   21. JFJefferson Fisher2:10

       Right.

   22. BDBaylen Dupree2:10

       Um, but they're-

   23. JFJefferson Fisher2:10

       Or a sign of an inner belief or anything like that.

   24. BDBaylen Dupree2:12

       Yes. No. No inner belief, no inner thoughts. Like, I've had people get offended by the things that I've said, and I had to be like, "Okay, like, it's completely involuntary. It means absolutely nothing towards you or towards-

   25. JFJefferson Fisher2:25

       Yeah

3. 2:25 – 2:52

   Tools and environments: CBT techniques and the ‘safe space’ to tic

   1. BDBaylen Dupree2:25

      ... the type of person you are." But I have very little control when it comes to certain tics. I've learned certain techniques. There's a thing called CBT therapy, cognitive behavioral intervention for tics.

   2. JFJefferson Fisher2:37

      Mm-hmm.

   3. BDBaylen Dupree2:38

      And I use a lot of those techniques regularly. So when I'm in my apartment or I'm in my home, I call it my safe space to tic, so I'm as loud as possible or sometimes I'm also as quiet as possible because I'm so calm in that environment.

4. 2:52 – 4:15

   Tourette’s origins and the ‘iceberg’ of comorbidities

   1. JFJefferson Fisher2:52

      Yeah. I also am curious, kind of on these foundation, for people who know nothing about Tourette's. We know it's involuntary. We know it encompasses a spectrum in which there are tics, uh, from verbal to motor. So we can talk about nonverbals-

   2. BDBaylen Dupree3:08

      [tics]

   3. JFJefferson Fisher3:08

      ... like facial expressions to scrunching of the face or grimaces or neck motions or anything like that, to actually saying words that have nothing to do at all with what's either in your brain or what you believe or what you know or... So any-

   4. BDBaylen Dupree3:22

      [tics]

   5. JFJefferson Fisher3:22

      ... of that can be something that is on that spectrum of Tourette's. When does it... Is it something you're born with or is it something that develops over time?

   6. BDBaylen Dupree3:32

      So Tourette's is technically hereditary, but there's also not enough information to know how it manifests and how it starts, just because-

   7. JFJefferson Fisher3:41

      Yeah

   8. BDBaylen Dupree3:41

      ... there is people like me where Tourette's doesn't run in my family, but tic disorders run in my family, OCD runs in my family, depression-

   9. JFJefferson Fisher3:50

      Mm-hmm

   10. BDBaylen Dupree3:50

       ... addiction-

   11. JFJefferson Fisher3:51

       Yeah

   12. BDBaylen Dupree3:51

       ... all of those things. Like, there's... The way I like to describe Tourette's is there's an iceberg and you only see what's at the top, which is the Tourette's.

   13. JFJefferson Fisher4:00

       Mm-hmm.

   14. BDBaylen Dupree4:00

       But everything underneath the water and underneath everything, there's all these comorbidities. I also struggle with OCD, anxiety, bipolar, ADHD-

   15. JFJefferson Fisher4:11

       Mm-hmm

   16. BDBaylen Dupree4:11

       ... all these other conditions that also attach itself to Tourette.

5. 4:15 – 7:28

   How to talk to someone with Tourette’s: treat them normally and keep going

   1. JFJefferson Fisher4:15

      Mm-hmm. I'm gonna ask a, a question I do not know the answer to. Is, um, Tourette's considered a neurodivergent behavior?

   2. BDBaylen Dupree4:28

      Yes, you are neurodivergent-

   3. JFJefferson Fisher4:29

      Are you?

   4. BDBaylen Dupree4:29

      ... if you have Tourette's.

   5. JFJefferson Fisher4:30

      Okay. I have a lot of people who listen to my advice who say, "Look, I, I am, I'm neurodivergent, and your advice sounds great, Jefferson, but I have no idea how to apply that in my life." And so I, I want to first understand what is the right way, the right way first, to approach somebody, communicate with somebody who has Tourette's?

   6. BDBaylen Dupree4:58

      The easiest way is to pretend like it doesn't exist. So there are some things that I say that are very funny, and when I'm laughing, I find it appropriate for other people to laugh. Um, but when I'm not, I don't find it appropriate.

   7. JFJefferson Fisher5:12

      Mm-hmm.

   8. BDBaylen Dupree5:12

      Um, there's been times where before I met my husband, I went on dates and I would smash my head off the table and this-

   9. JFJefferson Fisher5:18

      Mm

   10. BDBaylen Dupree5:18

       ... the other person would laugh.

   11. JFJefferson Fisher5:19

       Mm.

   12. BDBaylen Dupree5:19

       And I'd be like, "Well, that's not really acceptable." But the easiest way to approach somebody with Tourette's is to pretend like it doesn't exist.

   13. JFJefferson Fisher5:25

       Mm-hmm.

   14. BDBaylen Dupree5:26

       And then as they tic, if they're, if you're talking as they tic, to continue talking. I get asked that probably every time I meet somebody. Um-

   15. JFJefferson Fisher5:35

       What's that? What's, what question?

   16. BDBaylen Dupree5:37

       Um, to keep, keep talk, like-

   17. JFJefferson Fisher5:40

       Oh

   18. BDBaylen Dupree5:40

       ... p- yeah.

   19. JFJefferson Fisher5:41

       One of the best ways.

   20. BDBaylen Dupree5:42

       Yes. Um, but just to treat them like everybody else. Like, it's very, very easy to, like, get disoriented and think it's, like, funny or you think it's, like, a joke or, like-

   21. JFJefferson Fisher5:51

       Mm-hmm

   22. BDBaylen Dupree5:52

       ... think, think it's f- hilarious, but there's another part of it that people just don't see, and the part that, like, I don't show is the nasty part, it's the ugly part. It's the part that makes me really, really insecure and, um- Is really, really hard to deal with because-

   23. JFJefferson Fisher6:09

       Yeah

   24. BDBaylen Dupree6:09

       ... it's more than just sayings, it's more than just phrases. Like, I don't know how you wanna word it, but it's more than just vocal tics. Like, I've smashed snow globes off my head.

   25. JFJefferson Fisher6:21

       Mm.

   26. BDBaylen Dupree6:21

       Um, I've never personally had a tic send me to the ER-

   27. JFJefferson Fisher6:24

       Mm

   28. BDBaylen Dupree6:24

       ... but I've had several friends, um, that have gone to the ER because of their tics, but that's a different story for a different time.

   29. JFJefferson Fisher6:32

       [laughs] Yeah.

   30. BDBaylen Dupree6:33

       [laughs]
6. 7:28 – 11:43

   What not to do: filming, mocking, repeating tics, and public cruelty

   1. JFJefferson Fisher7:28

      So then let's talk about, now we know the right way, what's the wrong way-

   2. BDBaylen Dupree7:32

      Oh, that's a good question

   3. JFJefferson Fisher7:33

      ... to approach-

   4. BDBaylen Dupree7:34

      I love this question

   5. JFJefferson Fisher7:34

      ... uh, someone who, who has Tourette's?

   6. BDBaylen Dupree7:36

      Um, there is a lot of different ways. A lot of people think it is funny to... For example, if I was never on social media and I never had a platform-

   7. JFJefferson Fisher7:46

      Mm-hmm

   8. BDBaylen Dupree7:46

      ... would you video me in public and laugh and-

   9. JFJefferson Fisher7:49

      Yeah

   10. BDBaylen Dupree7:49

       ... joke around? Would you still call me Tourette's Girl?

   11. JFJefferson Fisher7:52

       Mm-hmm.

   12. BDBaylen Dupree7:53

       Um, would you say my tics to me? Because as soon as you say somebody's tics to them, depending on there's different things, there's echolalia and all these other attachments that come on to Tourette's-

   13. JFJefferson Fisher8:05

       Mm-hmm

   14. BDBaylen Dupree8:05

       ... um, that I don't really have the ability to talk about just 'cause I don't know them that well.

   15. JFJefferson Fisher8:09

       Yeah.

   16. BDBaylen Dupree8:10

       So when you say certain tics, I have, um, echolalia where if somebody repeats my tics, then I say it back. It's a huge trigger. [laughs]

   17. JFJefferson Fisher8:18

       Mm-hmm.

   18. BDBaylen Dupree8:19

       Um, but I would say the m- like, I've been approached thousands of times, and I've had a lot of good people, but I've also had a lot of bad people.

   19. JFJefferson Fisher8:29

       Yeah.

   20. BDBaylen Dupree8:29

       And before I was on social media, I worked at a grocery store and I had people come in, I had on my little name tag that, "Hello, my name is, I have Tourette Syndrome."

   21. JFJefferson Fisher8:39

       Mm.

   22. BDBaylen Dupree8:39

       Because when people would come in-

   23. JFJefferson Fisher8:41

       Right

   24. BDBaylen Dupree8:41

       ... they would mock me, they would make fun of me. They'd... I i- even got to one point, it was right after COVID, and some guy refused to be cashed out by me-

   25. JFJefferson Fisher8:50

       Hmm

   26. BDBaylen Dupree8:51

       ... because he didn't wanna get what I had. So he walked around the store with his shirt up, he complained, he was screaming. He was on the floor, banging on the floor. He's like, "Get me outta here. Get me outta here." And luckily, he made a huge scene to the point where, um, somebody else checked him out because he was banging on the floor telling me that he refused service from me, and I was like, "I don't know what to do."

   27. JFJefferson Fisher9:15

       Yeah.

   28. BDBaylen Dupree9:16

       And he, he walked by me and held his, his shirt over his head and he said like, "You shouldn't be out in public." And I was like, "Okay." Um-

   29. JFJefferson Fisher9:28

       Yeah, maybe he needs to be a different form of checked out too.

   30. BDBaylen Dupree9:31

       [laughs] Yeah.
7. 11:43 – 13:25

   Public life pressure: hypervigilance, camera anxiety, and the energy cost

   1. JFJefferson Fisher11:43

      But, but always the pearl, right? Um, yeah, how much energy, Baylen, goes into, uh, keeping it together when it comes to being in public?

   2. BDBaylen Dupree11:57

      I would say a lot. I have, like, this hierarchy above my head that I'm supposed to, like, act a certain way, or, like, if I'm out in public too long, I've had people approach me and tell me, "Well, I've been staring at you for the last 20 minutes, and you haven't ticked at all."

   3. JFJefferson Fisher12:12

      Hmm.

   4. BDBaylen Dupree12:12

      And it's also just- It's just I, I'm always looking for cameras to be videoing me because that's in the back of my head-

   5. JFJefferson Fisher12:20

      Yeah

   6. BDBaylen Dupree12:20

      ... from the very beginning. I'm always looking for somebody to, that's there to hurt my feelings. Like, I'm always on high alert no matter where I go just because I never really know how I'm going to be treated. It's always either a good or a really, really bad, and it's, it's just really hard to tell every single time I go out. So it's definitely, like, I'm always on my best behavior. [laughs] Always.

   7. JFJefferson Fisher12:46

      That sounds, that sounds really hard, Baylen.

   8. BDBaylen Dupree12:48

      It can be. It definitely can be. There's definitely days where I choose not to go outside or I choose not to leave my apartment.

   9. JFJefferson Fisher12:54

      Yeah, yeah.

   10. BDBaylen Dupree12:55

       But that's to be worked on.

   11. JFJefferson Fisher12:59

       Uh, it's, it's something to, to continue to move through.

   12. BDBaylen Dupree13:01

       Mm-hmm.

   13. JFJefferson Fisher13:02

       And I think you do a beautiful job with that.

   14. BDBaylen Dupree13:04

       Thank you. [laughs]

   15. JFJefferson Fisher13:04

       Um, I love the perspective that you have on this.

   16. BDBaylen Dupree13:09

       Thank you.

   17. JFJefferson Fisher13:09

       And so I just, I know we have more conversation to go, but telling you I'm really enjoying it, and I think you're approaching-

   18. BDBaylen Dupree13:14

       [laughs]

   19. JFJefferson Fisher13:14

       ... this all the, the right way. And I can feel, I mean, you're just a genuine person.

   20. BDBaylen Dupree13:20

       Thank you so much.

   21. JFJefferson Fisher13:21

       Yeah. And so I'm really, really grateful for to continue this conversation with you.

   22. BDBaylen Dupree13:25

       Thank you.

8. 13:25 – 17:17

   Marriage dynamics: triggers, boundaries, counseling, and taking breaks

   1. JFJefferson Fisher13:25

      When we, we talk about relationships and communication, there's a lot of advice I give on how, uh, to improve relationships and friendships in life, uh, by changing the way you use words. How has it been, and now congratulations-

   2. BDBaylen Dupree13:45

      Thank you

   3. JFJefferson Fisher13:45

      ... on the marriage.

   4. BDBaylen Dupree13:46

      Thank you so much.

   5. JFJefferson Fisher13:47

      That's incredible. That, that was like, what? A month ago?

   6. BDBaylen Dupree13:49

      Mm-hmm.

   7. JFJefferson Fisher13:49

      A little over a month ago. That's awesome. Very cool.

   8. BDBaylen Dupree13:52

      Thank you.

   9. JFJefferson Fisher13:53

      What, what have you... Relationships, you'll find more and more, there's a lot more conflicts.

   10. BDBaylen Dupree13:59

       Mm-hmm.

   11. JFJefferson Fisher13:59

       And I know y'all dated for a long time before you got married. W- what is that dynamic like, uh, in terms of now you have a relationship, now you're married, and now you're having married conflict or arguments? How has that dynamic been with the challenges that are presented by tics?

   12. BDBaylen Dupree14:24

       My husband does a great job with every challenge that comes his way with my condition-

   13. JFJefferson Fisher14:28

       Mm-hmm

   14. BDBaylen Dupree14:28

       ... and being there and supporting me. I never feel like I'm alone in any certain way, but there, there is a lot of challenges when it comes to it, just because there's a lot of things that set my tics off. There's a lot of triggers and there's a lot of things that maybe we could disagree on, but also at the end of the day, it's better for my condition to not do this or not do that or not probably surround myself with those people or be around... Like, we've had conversations about friends and them saying things about my tics and-

   15. JFJefferson Fisher15:01

       Mm-hmm

   16. BDBaylen Dupree15:02

       ... who I am and me being a downgrade.

   17. JFJefferson Fisher15:04

       Mm-hmm.

   18. BDBaylen Dupree15:04

       So it's just, there's just been some conflict in some areas like that, but we navigate it perfectly and the best way we can. We have gotten prior relationship advice before getting relationship counseling-

   19. JFJefferson Fisher15:18

       Yeah

   20. BDBaylen Dupree15:18

       ... before getting married, which I feel like definitely helped out a lot because when you're married, there's a lot of things that can happen that you didn't think could possibly happen, like with kids and family-

   21. JFJefferson Fisher15:31

       Yeah, anything

   22. BDBaylen Dupree15:31

       ... and life-

   23. JFJefferson Fisher15:32

       Mm-hmm

   24. BDBaylen Dupree15:32

       ... and house and all these things, and you may not really know that you have that side of you until kids, till you start having kids or until somebody loses a job. And it's like trying to realize that we still choose each other through it all is-

   25. JFJefferson Fisher15:47

       Yeah

   26. BDBaylen Dupree15:47

       ... the most important thing. And I feel like the one thing that's helped us the most is we keep God at the center of our relationship-

   27. JFJefferson Fisher15:54

       Yeah

   28. BDBaylen Dupree15:54

       ... no matter what, no matter the conflict, no matter anything. But we've also really learned that when we're, when we're having a bit of a, a tizzy- [laughs]

   29. JFJefferson Fisher16:02

       [laughs] Yeah.

   30. BDBaylen Dupree16:03

       Um-
9. 17:17 – 19:15

   Cohen as ‘medicine’: balancing traits, social anxiety support, daily patience

   1. JFJefferson Fisher17:17

      Um, I wanna talk about real quick, um, your husband.

   2. BDBaylen Dupree17:22

      Yes.

   3. JFJefferson Fisher17:22

      And for those who... Remind me of his name.

   4. BDBaylen Dupree17:24

      Cohen.

   5. JFJefferson Fisher17:25

      Yeah.

   6. BDBaylen Dupree17:25

      Cohen. [laughs]

   7. JFJefferson Fisher17:26

      Yeah. [laughs] And so when-

   8. BDBaylen Dupree17:28

      Got damn

   9. JFJefferson Fisher17:29

      ... when you're talking to him-

   10. BDBaylen Dupree17:31

       Cohen says a lot of dick comments

   11. JFJefferson Fisher17:31

       ... is there, like-

   12. BDBaylen Dupree17:33

       ... stupid thoughts of all the dicks

   13. JFJefferson Fisher17:33

       ... is there something he does in particular-

   14. BDBaylen Dupree17:35

       Cohen

   15. JFJefferson Fisher17:35

       ... that helps-

   16. BDBaylen Dupree17:36

       Cohen

   17. JFJefferson Fisher17:37

       ... center you or helps smooth conversation or conflict?

   18. BDBaylen Dupree17:44

       My favorite thing about him is the fact that he has every single quality that I do not have. Every good quality, obviously.

   19. JFJefferson Fisher17:53

       He balances you.

   20. BDBaylen Dupree17:54

       Yes.

   21. JFJefferson Fisher17:54

       Yeah.

   22. BDBaylen Dupree17:54

       He's the yin to my yang. So, like, certain times where I get really overstimulated in, like, environments and, like, I have social anxiety, surprisingly, like, in big groups and big crowds and, like, I just don't really feel like I belong, so I get really, really quiet.

   23. JFJefferson Fisher18:09

       Hmm.

   24. BDBaylen Dupree18:09

       And my tics get really, really bad or sometimes they get really, really good, de- depending on the environment, depending on the people. And he'll always just be there to be like, "It's okay." Like, "We can go home. We can stay here. It's totally up to you." Like, "You let me know where you stand." It's very much helpful in a lot of different ways. There's a lot of different things that he does, but-

   25. JFJefferson Fisher18:30

       Mm-hmm

   26. BDBaylen Dupree18:30

       ... ever since we started dating About three and a half years ago I tell it and I say it over and over again, he's my medicine. He, everything that he does calms me, just by being there next to me, especially when I go and I have busy days or I have long days or-

   27. JFJefferson Fisher18:49

       Mm-hmm

   28. BDBaylen Dupree18:49

       ... I'm just at home and I feel lonely because he goes to work every day and I s-

   29. JFJefferson Fisher18:53

       Yeah

   30. BDBaylen Dupree18:53

       ... I stay at home and I watch the dogs. Um, but there's, there's a lot of different ways where he helps the little things that I'm not very good at and I have anxiety about.
10. 19:15 – 26:38

    Communication patterns in conflict: building up, yelling, and learning to speak early

    1. JFJefferson Fisher19:15

       Um, is there something in particular that he's had to either learn or unlearn when it comes to communicating with you?

    2. BDBaylen Dupree19:30

       Yes. And there's also things that I've also had to learn, too. Like-

    3. JFJefferson Fisher19:33

       Right

    4. BDBaylen Dupree19:34

       ... when we get into fights, I'm the yeller, and nobody would probably surprise that.

    5. JFJefferson Fisher19:39

       Yeah.

    6. BDBaylen Dupree19:39

       But I've also toned that back and I've kinda come to a realization of like, I can't do that.

    7. JFJefferson Fisher19:44

       Mm.

    8. BDBaylen Dupree19:44

       Like, this isn't healthy, this isn't good. But like also I've moved past that and we've moved past that, but-

    9. JFJefferson Fisher19:51

       Yeah

    10. BDBaylen Dupree19:51

        ... what was the question? [laughs]

    11. JFJefferson Fisher19:52

        Well, yeah. No, I think it's... Oh, well, I'll have to ask myself.

    12. BDBaylen Dupree19:56

        [laughs]

    13. JFJefferson Fisher19:56

        Something that either he's had to learn or you've had to learn or unlearn with communication. For example, like, um, to help maybe get your mind spinning on it, for me and my wife, right? I've had to learn that often when we're in a spat, what do you call it, a tizzy?

    14. BDBaylen Dupree20:16

        Mm, tizzy.

    15. JFJefferson Fisher20:16

        You call it... Yeah, when we're, we're tizzing.

    16. BDBaylen Dupree20:18

        [laughs]

    17. JFJefferson Fisher20:19

        Um, I have to, even when I want to break and we're like, "Okay, we need a time out," I still have to just use the words, like, "We're gonna be okay. We're gonna get through this. I need to take a time out and we're gonna have to take a break and calm down." But she needs to hear even before the break, "We're gonna be okay." Otherwise, in that break, it, it can be more harmful than helpful-

    18. BDBaylen Dupree20:45

        Mm

    19. JFJefferson Fisher20:45

        ... in that situation, and that's something that we've had to learn. And I'm curious from y'all's perspective, your perspective, is there something not only you've had to learn as a couple of how to communicate, but spec- specifically whether there are ways to communicate that would either hurt or smooth over some of the challenges you have in communication?

    20. BDBaylen Dupree21:10

        I would also say one of the, one of my weak points is communicating. Um, I've gotten better at it. That's also one of the things I've learned through the relationship-

    21. JFJefferson Fisher21:20

        Mm

    22. BDBaylen Dupree21:20

        ... that I, I get very quiet. I get very like, "My opinion doesn't matter." I just would rather move on, say sorry, forget about it, and just go on with the rest of our day. I'm a very forgiving person. Like, you could shoot me in the right foot and I would forgive you.

    23. JFJefferson Fisher21:36

        [laughs]

    24. BDBaylen Dupree21:36

        I r- like, I really would. I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

    25. JFJefferson Fisher21:39

        Yeah.

    26. BDBaylen Dupree21:39

        I'm not saying do it.

    27. JFJefferson Fisher21:40

        Yeah, yeah.

    28. BDBaylen Dupree21:40

        But, [laughs] but I'm very, very easily forgiven, forgiving.

    29. JFJefferson Fisher21:45

        Mm-hmm.

    30. BDBaylen Dupree21:46

        And so when we get into fights, I'm usually the first person to be like, "Let's just, let's just worry about this another day. Like, we're fine. Everything's fine." Um, but him telling me that everything's gonna be fine helps. That was a great example. It gave me examples to live off of.
11. 26:38 – 29:45

    Advice for neurodivergent listeners: identity, purpose, and sharing your story

    1. JFJefferson Fisher26:38

       Yeah, it's, they don't, they really don't. They don't, they don't stop. So I want us to think for a second, uh, of somebody who's listening, Baylen, who f- they know, they know that they're neurodivergent, and they know that they've, they have particular challenges when it comes to how others either perceive them or how they handle communication. What's something that you would tell that person that you've learned about yourself that could help them, you think?

    2. BDBaylen Dupree27:12

       One thing I can tell people is that comparison is the thief of joy.

    3. JFJefferson Fisher27:15

       Mm-hmm.

    4. BDBaylen Dupree27:16

       And that we're only given one life on this earth, and it's very easily can be taken away from us at any moment or any time. Being neurodivergent is not easy, um, but it also is a superpower in the craziest way. Um, you have a lot of things that a lot of people don't have, and you have what I like to call, um, well, a superpower because you-

    5. JFJefferson Fisher27:39

       Yeah. I like that

    6. BDBaylen Dupree27:39

       ... you're different and you're unique. And, um, there's nobody out there like you. You can think that there is or you can wanna be somebody else. But God created you for you, and for you to be yourself, and create your own dream and your own story and your own chapters in your life. So the best advice I can give to people is, in a world for, in a world full of people that wanna be everybody, be yourself.

    7. JFJefferson Fisher28:06

       Mm.

    8. BDBaylen Dupree28:06

       Because you never know where it's gonna take you, and it's so important to share your story, regardless of if it's on social media, if it's with somebody in an elevator.

    9. JFJefferson Fisher28:16

       Yeah.

    10. BDBaylen Dupree28:16

        You never really know how that story or their life will impact you. For example, I was just, I just got back from West Palm Beach. We did from our honeymoon, and this lady come up and she's like, "I'm s- I'm just so sorry to interrupt you. I'm just so sorry. I have to take a photo with you." And I was like, "Oh my God, of course." Like, "No big deal."

    11. JFJefferson Fisher28:34

        Mm.

    12. BDBaylen Dupree28:34

        Like, "This is-"

    13. JFJefferson Fisher28:35

        Mm.

    14. BDBaylen Dupree28:35

        "... like, I love you guys. Like, this..." She's like, "No," like, "my husband died a month ago."

    15. JFJefferson Fisher28:39

        Mm.

    16. BDBaylen Dupree28:39

        "And he loved you."

    17. JFJefferson Fisher28:42

        Mm-hmm.

    18. BDBaylen Dupree28:42

        "He loved you." And I was like, "Well, I'm glad that we met. This is, like, meant to be."

    19. JFJefferson Fisher28:49

        Yeah.

    20. BDBaylen Dupree28:50

        "So I, I'm glad that I was able to be a piece in your, your husband's life, um, that made him smile and made him laugh, and I was able to be that for him and for you. And I'm glad that we were able to meet and have this connection," and it was just really, really beautiful. It was just really beautiful.

    21. JFJefferson Fisher29:09

        Yeah, no, I think that's-

    22. BDBaylen Dupree29:11

        So just share your story-

    23. JFJefferson Fisher29:12

        I- I don't... Share your story

    24. BDBaylen Dupree29:12

        ... and you never, you never really know how it will be impactful. I mean, that girl changed my viewing on a lot of different things and makes me think, like, when you're reminded that somebody you love and you hear another story of that person that's sitting right next to you, their person's gone.

    25. JFJefferson Fisher29:28

        Yeah.

    26. BDBaylen Dupree29:28

        It, like, makes you think like, "Oh my God," like, "I should give him an extra hug right now."

    27. JFJefferson Fisher29:32

        Mm.

    28. BDBaylen Dupree29:32

        Or I should tell him like, "Oh my God, you look handsome. You look b-"

    29. JFJefferson Fisher29:35

        Yeah, yeah.

    30. BDBaylen Dupree29:36

        Like, anything to, like, just r- truly remind yourself that life is so precious, and it can be taken away at any moment.

12. 29:45 – 33:31

    Baylen’s timeline: early motor tics, COVID worsening, severe attacks and injuries

    1. JFJefferson Fisher29:45

       I was gonna ask this earlier, Baylen. About what age did the tics start for you?

    2. BDBaylen Dupree29:51

       So I was around six or seven-

    3. JFJefferson Fisher29:53

       Mm

    4. BDBaylen Dupree29:53

       ... and I noticed, um, some neck movements. And looking back, I used to, like, like, go like this a lot to my legs.

    5. JFJefferson Fisher30:00

       Mm-hmm.

    6. BDBaylen Dupree30:00

       And I always felt like I, like I had to, and I couldn't stop doing it, but I never really knew that that was a tic until probably, like, three years ago, until I went to the, like, started realizing, "Oh my God," like, "this is the other tics that I have as well." So they started around six or seven, but they, they weren't both. It was only motor. Um- Then they went away, and then they came back around 15, 16, right before COVID. They were very, very mild. I had a throat-clearing tic, and I had, like, a neck twitch like that.

    7. JFJefferson Fisher30:30

       Mm-hmm.

    8. BDBaylen Dupree30:30

       But I would say they got worse during COVID, and now they're kind of getting to a point where they're a lot better than what they used to be. I mean, five years ago, my parents were feeding me.

    9. JFJefferson Fisher30:41

       Mm-hmm.

    10. BDBaylen Dupree30:42

        So it was really rough.

    11. JFJefferson Fisher30:44

        'Cause it just became hard.

    12. BDBaylen Dupree30:46

        It became really hard. I wasn't able to get the food in my mouth. I would throw the food.

    13. JFJefferson Fisher30:50

        Mm-hmm.

    14. BDBaylen Dupree30:50

        I would throw the forks.

    15. JFJefferson Fisher30:51

        Mm-hmm.

    16. BDBaylen Dupree30:51

        I would stab myself with the forks.

    17. JFJefferson Fisher30:53

        Mm-hmm.

    18. BDBaylen Dupree30:54

        I would s- I remember one time I got, I got in trouble because I hit my mom in the head with a frying pan. That-

    19. JFJefferson Fisher31:00

        That will do it.

    20. BDBaylen Dupree31:01

        Yeah, that will do it.

    21. JFJefferson Fisher31:02

        Yeah, it-

    22. BDBaylen Dupree31:02

        She was not happy. I felt terrible.

    23. JFJefferson Fisher31:05

        Mm.

    24. BDBaylen Dupree31:05

        Like, so terrible, and obviously, like, when I hit you in the head with a frying pan, probably at arm speed, you're not really gonna feel that good. [laughs]

    25. JFJefferson Fisher31:13

        Right, right.

    26. BDBaylen Dupree31:14

        So I, like, went downstairs, and I was like, "She hates me."

    27. JFJefferson Fisher31:16

        Yeah.

    28. BDBaylen Dupree31:16

        "My mom hates me." [laughs]

    29. JFJefferson Fisher31:17

        Yeah, but she didn't.

    30. BDBaylen Dupree31:19

        No, she didn't.
13. 33:31 – 39:15

    Key etiquette and education: don’t mimic, tics aren’t 24/7, and coprolalia is rare

    1. JFJefferson Fisher33:31

       Yeah. Baylen, I, I would love if we would put our, our mind to the, the person listening-

    2. BDBaylen Dupree33:38

       [laughs]

    3. JFJefferson Fisher33:38

       ... who feels like they not only can relate to you, maybe not even relate to you on having Tourette's, but also just other challenges that certainly impact their communication. What I heard from you, one, is it's best to just continue on as if it's not even a thing.

    4. BDBaylen Dupree33:58

       Mm.

    5. JFJefferson Fisher33:58

       So that's, that, that's probably number one. Is there a number two?

    6. BDBaylen Dupree34:02

       Don't mock them.

    7. JFJefferson Fisher34:03

       Mock.

    8. BDBaylen Dupree34:04

       Don't mock them. Don't repeat their tics. Um-

    9. JFJefferson Fisher34:07

       You mean, you mean like whatever they say, don't say it back to them?

    10. BDBaylen Dupree34:09

        Don't say it back.

    11. JFJefferson Fisher34:10

        Mm-hmm.

    12. BDBaylen Dupree34:11

        Or, um, yeah, probably don't say it back or mimic their tics. Like, I worked, um, at a coffee shop, and my boss at the time, I was dealing with a lot of tics, and I, I had to quit my job. And he was like, "Oh, I'm Baylen."

    13. JFJefferson Fisher34:27

        Mm-hmm.

    14. BDBaylen Dupree34:27

        "Oh, I'm Baylen."

    15. JFJefferson Fisher34:28

        Mm-hmm.

    16. BDBaylen Dupree34:28

        And I was like, "Okay."

    17. JFJefferson Fisher34:31

        That's-

    18. BDBaylen Dupree34:31

        "Well, now you lo- literally lost me."

    19. JFJefferson Fisher34:33

        Yeah.

    20. BDBaylen Dupree34:33

        And he would, like, he just had no idea what it was. He had no idea what I was dealing with. He would call, like, every week and be like, "Are you coming back to your job?" And I was like, "I can't."

    21. JFJefferson Fisher34:44

        Mm-hmm.

    22. BDBaylen Dupree34:45

        "You disrespected me, so I'm [laughs] not going to."

    23. JFJefferson Fisher34:48

        Oh, yeah. Well, that's incredibly insensitive, right?

    24. BDBaylen Dupree34:49

        Yeah.

    25. JFJefferson Fisher34:50

        There's just also an element of be educated.

    26. BDBaylen Dupree34:53

        Mm-hmm.

    27. JFJefferson Fisher34:53

        You know, educate yourself.

    28. BDBaylen Dupree34:54

        Mm-hmm. But I would say the last thing is two, two last things. People with Tourette's don't tic 24/7.

    29. JFJefferson Fisher35:03

        Mm-hmm.

    30. BDBaylen Dupree35:04

        They just don't, so people assuming that people with Tourette's tic 24/7, and a lot of people assume that Tourette's is only cussing. And corporal, it's called coprolalia.
14. 39:15 – 55:38

    Self-worth and resilience: stigma from professionals, rebuilding confidence, gratitude mindset

    1. BDBaylen Dupree39:15

       Yeah. We're humans, too, and I think a lot of people don't see that. They see us as, like, animals and don't belong in society. My doctor, when I was getting diagnosed with Tourette Syndrome-

    2. JFJefferson Fisher39:26

       Mm-hmm

    3. BDBaylen Dupree39:27

       ... um, [tic] I have Tourette Syndrome, stupid, pointed at my mom and said, "Look at her. She can't do anything."

    4. JFJefferson Fisher39:34

       Mm.

    5. BDBaylen Dupree39:34

       "She can't drive. She can't work. She shouldn't go to school. She does not even fit in society."

    6. JFJefferson Fisher39:39

       Mm-hmm.

    7. BDBaylen Dupree39:39

       So I was already viewed as less of a human being because of my condition, and a lot of society sees that as well. And I feel like with the show and with spreading awareness, um, it's helped a lot.

    8. JFJefferson Fisher39:53

       Mm-hmm.

    9. BDBaylen Dupree39:53

       From what I've noticed from me going on social media to me starting a TV show, it's definitely changed the dynamic of meeting people.

    10. JFJefferson Fisher40:03

        Yeah.

    11. BDBaylen Dupree40:03

        When actually the show was... You s- you do a pilot, so you do a, like, a little trailer video to start off the show.

    12. JFJefferson Fisher40:09

        Right.

    13. BDBaylen Dupree40:09

        And you send it to, like, people in New York City-

    14. JFJefferson Fisher40:12

        Mm-hmm

    15. BDBaylen Dupree40:12

        ... to, like, watch over. And the, all the comments we got back from it was, "Oh, my God, she actually has it."

    16. JFJefferson Fisher40:21

        [laughs]

    17. BDBaylen Dupree40:22

        "She actually has it." Like, we all, everybody thought I was faking it there.

    18. JFJefferson Fisher40:26

        Yeah.

    19. BDBaylen Dupree40:26

        And they all wanted to watch more because they thought I was faking it.

    20. JFJefferson Fisher40:29

        Hmm.

    21. BDBaylen Dupree40:29

        But now since the show has come out, people now know that, like, she's got a real condition. Like, I mean, TLC isn't gonna put me on their show with a fake condition.

    22. JFJefferson Fisher40:39

        [laughs]

    23. BDBaylen Dupree40:39

        Like, people are just, people are just out-of-this-world crazy. Like-

    24. JFJefferson Fisher40:42

        Well, that. You can't, you can't help crazy.

    25. BDBaylen Dupree40:44

        You, you know.

    26. JFJefferson Fisher40:44

        That's gonna happen.

    27. BDBaylen Dupree40:45

        No. No, you can't. But also, at the same time, like, let them be them, and I'm gonna be me and keep doing what I'm doing. [tic]

    28. JFJefferson Fisher40:54

        Before we get going, I wanna take a moment to tell you about who? Cozy Earth. You know it. And I have to tell you, one thing I have been enjoying this week to remind myself, man, I really love Cozy Earth. They've sponsored the podcast for a long time now, and I love all their stuff. It's top, premium quality. Was me getting out of the shower. Their bath towels, okay, are perfect. They're nice. They're big. They're fuzzy. And I, let me tell you what, when we spent a month in Australia, I was missing my Cozy Earth towels [laughs] because, uh, when you're traveling a lot, you know what it's like when you're at a hotel and the towel's not even that good. Um, I, let me say, I was very glad to be home, mostly for my bed, also for, for good towels when you get out of that shower. Cozy Earth makes the best, so if you're looking for hand towels, towels, they also m- make bath sheets that are bigger than my head. So all the way around, they got you covered. You can go to cozyearth.com/jefferson, use the code Jefferson for up to 20% off. That's cozyearth.com/jefferson, use the code Jefferson for 20% off. And now, let's keep going. There's a topic that I wanted to, [tic] to go into, and it has, uh, has m- more to do with, like, your mindset.

    29. BDBaylen Dupree42:15

        Mm-hmm.

    30. JFJefferson Fisher42:16

        Okay? Of n- of w- where you are from where you started.

Episode duration: 55:38