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The Jefferson Fisher PodcastThe Jefferson Fisher Podcast

The #1 Habit That Builds Trust

Most people think better communication is about saying the right thing. But sometimes it starts with admitting when you're wrong. In this conversation, I sit down with Danica McKellar to talk about the lessons she's learned through parenting, faith, and personal growth. We discuss why apologizing to your kids builds trust, how to stay connected to a teenager who seems distant, and the surprising realization that most of your relationship with your child will happen after they become an adult. We also talk about forgiveness, anxiety, letting go of control, and why some of the most meaningful moments in life are the ones we slow down long enough to notice. Buy Danica’s book, I Love You 100: A Counting Book Full of Love: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/258549/i-love-you-100-a-counting-book-full-of-love-by-danica-mckellar-illustrated-by-josee-masse/ Order The Next Conversation Workbook: https://www.jeffersonfisher.com/workbook Want a FREE communication tip each week? Click here to join my newsletter. https://www.jeffersonfisher.com/newsletter Thank you to our Sponsors: AG1: Visit https://drinkag1.com/jefferson to get a free Morning Person Hat and free AG1 Flavor Sampler in your Welcome Kit with your first AG1 subscription. Tiny Health: Go to https://tinyhealth.com/jefferson for $50 off your first at-home test kit. BetterHelp. Click https://betterhelp.com/jeffersonfisher for a discount on your first month of therapy. Like what you hear? Don’t forget to subscribe and leave a 5-star review! Order my new book, The Next Conversation, today! https://www.jeffersonfisher.com/book Suggest a topic or ask a question for me to answer on the show! https://www.jeffersonfisher.com/topic Join my School of Communication. https://www.jeffersonfisher.com/membership Follow me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/jefferson_fisher Follow me on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@justaskjefferson?lang=en Follow me on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/jeffersonfisher/

Jefferson FisherhostDanica McKellarguest
Jun 26, 202636mWatch on YouTube ↗

At a glance

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

Apologizing, humility, and faith as foundations for family trust

  1. Danica McKellar argues that frequently apologizing to children—especially for small missteps—builds trust, models accountability, and improves teen communication.
  2. She emphasizes “modeling recovery” after conflict by owning your part, avoiding control-based parenting, and treating teens with the respect you’d want in an adult relationship later.
  3. McKellar describes practical ways to be present as a working, divorced, homeschooling mom by batching work into non-custody time and creating intentional connection rituals.
  4. She recounts a recent (2022) Christian faith journey sparked by attending church with Candace Cameron Bure, reframing Christianity as relationship rather than restrictive religion.
  5. Faith, prayer, and surrender are presented as tools for reducing everyday anxiety, shifting from ego/control toward gratitude and “glory to God.”

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

Apologize early and often to your kids.

McKellar says a simple “I’m sorry—I could’ve done that better” creates visible relief in children and strengthens connection, especially after impatience or raised voices.

Model “recovery,” not perfection.

The goal isn’t a conflict-free home; it’s showing how to repair ruptures by acknowledging what you did wrong and reconnecting quickly.

If you want openness from your teen, practice openness yourself.

She challenges parents who want their teens to share more to also narrate their own thoughts, mistakes, and learning—creating a long-term culture of communication.

Trade control for respect and curiosity.

She recommends watching for ego-driven “I’m the parent, I decide everything” moments and re-centering on what’s truly needed while honoring your teen as a growing adult.

Parent for the relationship you want with your adult child.

McKellar notes most of your relationship with your child will be when they’re an adult—so treating them with dignity now helps shape how they’ll choose to relate later.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

So my biggest advice would be apologize to your children-

Danica McKellar

The look on your child's face when you say, "I'm sorry," it's like this relief. It's like this... And you, you, you make a connection with them.

Danica McKellar

Your child, your relationship with your child will mostly be them as an adult.

Danica McKellar

How do you want them to treat you as an adult someday? Maybe treat them like that now as much as you can.

Danica McKellar

Holding onto anger and resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

Danica McKellar

Apologizing to children as a trust-building habitModeling repair after conflict (“recovery”)Teen communication, eye-rolls, and disagreementsHumility and avoiding control-based parentingBeing present while working, divorced, and homeschoolingIntentional “mental snapshot” moments with kidsFaith journey: relationship vs. religion, prayer, surrender, anxiety reduction

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