The #1 Habit That Builds Trust

1. 0:00 – 2:49

   Repairing teen communication by modeling openness and apologies

   1. JFJefferson Fisher0:00

      I have a lot of people who have teenagers.

   2. DMDanica McKellar0:01

      Mm-hmm.

   3. JFJefferson Fisher0:02

      And they say, "Jefferson, I'm struggling to communicate with my teenager." It's different. They'll say, "This is not the same kid." What are some things that are kind of your goalposts or pillars when you're communicating with your son?

   4. DMDanica McKellar0:14

      So my biggest advice would be apologize to your children-

   5. JFJefferson Fisher0:17

      Model recovery

   6. DMDanica McKellar0:18

      ... as often as you can.

   7. JFJefferson Fisher0:19

      Yeah.

   8. DMDanica McKellar0:20

      Literally, about something small, whatever it is. "You know what? I could've done that, I'm sorry. I could've done that better." It's free.

   9. JFJefferson Fisher0:29

      I am so honored that you ha- are, are willing to spend some time with me.

   10. DMDanica McKellar0:34

       [laughs] Absolutely.

   11. JFJefferson Fisher0:35

       I know, and to have you actually just ha- sit with me, have a conversation about all the things that, uh, is going on in the world these days. And one of the things I wanna really talk with you about is here you are from, I would say, pop culture icon to STEM and math, and the books that you've written, and your whole transition. I feel like you've gone... You've lived, like, three separate lives.

   12. DMDanica McKellar1:01

       Yes. I guess when you're old enough, you have enough-

   13. JFJefferson Fisher1:03

       [laughs] Oh

   14. DMDanica McKellar1:04

       ... experiences in your life. Yes, I have, yes, multiple careers. Super grateful for them.

   15. JFJefferson Fisher1:09

       Yeah.

   16. DMDanica McKellar1:09

       Been around for a long time.

   17. JFJefferson Fisher1:10

       You've been able to kind of partner and bring a lot of those lives, like, full circle moments when you're able to integrate different parts of you-

   18. DMDanica McKellar1:18

       Yep

   19. JFJefferson Fisher1:18

       ... into one. I feel like that's... And that's something I've experienced certainly in my, my own life of going, okay, you do videos on social media, and it's minuscule compared to the career you've had, and you go, "Okay, how, how do I, how do I integrate family, faith? What, what's a passion? What I do, how do I be a present dad?" For you, how do you be a present mom?

   20. DMDanica McKellar1:39

       Mm-hmm.

   21. JFJefferson Fisher1:39

       That's, it's a different level of peace I find when you find a purpose-

   22. DMDanica McKellar1:45

       Mm

   23. JFJefferson Fisher1:45

       ... that's kinda greater than yourself, and certainly you've, you've, you've done that.

   24. DMDanica McKellar1:48

       Yes.

   25. JFJefferson Fisher1:48

       My, uh, you have this book, I Love You 100, that my daughter, who's six-

   26. DMDanica McKellar1:53

       Mm-hmm

   27. JFJefferson Fisher1:54

       ... can't get enough of.

   28. DMDanica McKellar1:55

       [laughs] Oh, I love that. Yeah.

   29. JFJefferson Fisher1:56

       Okay? I'll make sure that the, I wanna make sure that the, the, we'll have it in the, the show notes-

   30. DMDanica McKellar2:01

       Okay
2. 2:49 – 4:49

   How apologies create relief, connection, and teach kids to repair

   1. DMDanica McKellar2:49

      And have you been doing that with your kid? So I talk to Draco about all sorts of stuff like, and I always have. I also apologize to him.

   2. JFJefferson Fisher2:57

      Mm.

   3. DMDanica McKellar2:58

      And believe me, there are plenty of opportunities for that.

   4. JFJefferson Fisher3:00

      [laughs]

   5. DMDanica McKellar3:00

      I'll just, be impatient. I'll raise my voice. I'm like, "You know what, Draco? Look, what you did was wrong. I didn't need to raise my voice."

   6. JFJefferson Fisher3:06

      Mm.

   7. DMDanica McKellar3:07

      "I should have expressed it differently, and I'm, and I'm sorry." The, the look on your child's face when you say, "I'm sorry," it's like this relief. It's like this... And you, you, you make a connection with them. So my biggest advice would be apologize to your children-

   8. JFJefferson Fisher3:23

      Model recovery

   9. DMDanica McKellar3:23

      ... as often as you can.

   10. JFJefferson Fisher3:25

       Yeah.

   11. DMDanica McKellar3:25

       Literally, about something small, whatever it is. "You know what? I could've done that, I'm sorry. I could've done that better." It's, it's free.

   12. JFJefferson Fisher3:33

       Yeah.

   13. DMDanica McKellar3:34

       And it's, there's so many, there are so many opportunities. [laughs]

   14. JFJefferson Fisher3:37

       Right.

   15. DMDanica McKellar3:37

       Believe me, there are. And also, if I, if I ma- made a mistake in some other part of my life, and I'll, I'll describe it. I'll say, "You know what? I just wanted to share this thing with you. So I did this the other day, and it, it turned out that, you know, I should've trusted my instincts on that," or whatever it is. Like, just-

   16. JFJefferson Fisher3:55

       Mm-hmm

   17. DMDanica McKellar3:55

       ... whatever, whatever you're going through. Like, when, when Draco was one years old, two years old, I used to carry him around, and, and I would say, "Now I'm opening the refrigerator. Now I'm gonna look for something." Like, just teaching how to talk, right?

   18. JFJefferson Fisher4:05

       Mm-hmm.

   19. DMDanica McKellar4:05

       Maybe he was one at that point, or, you know, reading. I would just point things out and just na- narrate your thought processes out loud.

   20. JFJefferson Fisher4:13

       Oh, cool.

   21. DMDanica McKellar4:14

       You know? Like, that's what I've been doing with him since he was little.

   22. JFJefferson Fisher4:17

       Mm-hmm.

   23. DMDanica McKellar4:17

       Um, we have a great relationship. Is he a teenager? Yes, he's a teenager, which means I get a lot of eye rolls-

   24. JFJefferson Fisher4:23

       [laughs]

   25. DMDanica McKellar4:23

       ... and like, "Mom," you know, whatever.

   26. JFJefferson Fisher4:26

       Yeah.

   27. DMDanica McKellar4:26

       But we talk. There isn't a lack of communication, and if he's a little, if he's, like, a little rude, I'll be like, "You know what? That was a little rude." He's like, "You know what? You're right. I'm sorry." I've modeled that, and he does it back to me, so we are in, there's tons of communication.

   28. JFJefferson Fisher4:42

       Yeah.

   29. DMDanica McKellar4:42

       But there's tons of, like, moments that aren't perfect.

   30. JFJefferson Fisher4:46

       Sure.
3. 4:49 – 5:54

   Humility over control: finding your part in disagreements

   1. JFJefferson Fisher4:49

      How do you... So I wanna add that right there. Like, that's, a lot of moms are probably going, "That's, this is what I have with my teenager," a lot of eye rolls, a lot of, "Ugh," like-

   2. DMDanica McKellar4:59

      Right

   3. JFJefferson Fisher4:59

      ... "You're just trying to control me."

   4. DMDanica McKellar5:00

      Right. [laughs]

   5. JFJefferson Fisher5:00

      You know, is there a way that you've found with your son to not only handle disagreements or model that recovery that you just mentioned?

   6. DMDanica McKellar5:09

      Constantly looking, like in any relationship, constantly looking for your part in it.

   7. JFJefferson Fisher5:13

      Mm.

   8. DMDanica McKellar5:14

      I mean, it's hu- takes humility.

   9. JFJefferson Fisher5:16

      Yeah.

   10. DMDanica McKellar5:17

       And don't try to control them. Like, if it's, if you're, if you're going through an ego moment of, like, "I'm the parent and I get to decide everything that happens, and I get to," you know, blah, blah, blah, recognize that.

   11. JFJefferson Fisher5:29

       I think that's hard for a lot of parents.

   12. DMDanica McKellar5:30

       It is hard. It's hard even if you're super self-aware and have been working on it for years. [laughs]

   13. JFJefferson Fisher5:34

       Yeah.

   14. DMDanica McKellar5:34

       It's still hard.

   15. JFJefferson Fisher5:35

       Yeah, yeah, yeah.

   16. DMDanica McKellar5:35

       Because it's just easier if your things just go the way you want to. And you go, "Okay, you know what? Let me just, let me just relent for a moment, and what do I actually, really actually need in this moment?"

   17. JFJefferson Fisher5:43

       Mm-hmm.

   18. DMDanica McKellar5:43

       "What do I actually re- you know, or what just feels more convenient? Or am I, am I forgetting that he's his own actual adult human in there that's growing up, and I need to honor that and respect that?"

   19. JFJefferson Fisher5:54

       Mm.

4. 5:54 – 7:19

   Parenting for the long game: your child as an adult

   1. DMDanica McKellar5:54

      So I'm an older sibling. I've got a younger s- uh, sister who's y- uh, younger by a year and a half, and for any older siblings out there, you know, when you're young, you're kinda like You're the head honcho, right?

   2. JFJefferson Fisher6:04

      Yeah

   3. DMDanica McKellar6:04

      With your youngest sibling.

   4. JFJefferson Fisher6:05

      Yeah.

   5. DMDanica McKellar6:05

      And, and I re- at a certain point, I realized, we were probably around the age of 15 or so, I realized that if I wanted to have her as a friend for the rest of my life, I needed to stop treating her like she was my younger sibling-

   6. JFJefferson Fisher6:19

      Oh

   7. DMDanica McKellar6:19

      ... all the time. Like-

   8. JFJefferson Fisher6:20

      Mm-hmm

   9. DMDanica McKellar6:20

      ... just go, "Let me just step back a little bit and, and try to like honor things that she's doing that she's really good at that maybe I'm not good at, and maybe like highlight those-

   10. JFJefferson Fisher6:30

       Mm

   11. DMDanica McKellar6:31

       ... or just sort of honor those." And she's my best friend today. And something I think people don't think about is that your child, your relationship with your child will mostly be them as an adult.

   12. JFJefferson Fisher6:42

       Mm-hmm.

   13. DMDanica McKellar6:43

       Like, the vast majority of-

   14. JFJefferson Fisher6:44

       [laughs] Yeah

   15. DMDanica McKellar6:44

       ... your relationship with this person-

   16. JFJefferson Fisher6:45

       Ugh

   17. DMDanica McKellar6:46

       ... is them as an adult.

   18. JFJefferson Fisher6:47

       That's true.

   19. DMDanica McKellar6:48

       So what do you want that to look like?

   20. JFJefferson Fisher6:49

       Mm-hmm.

   21. DMDanica McKellar6:50

       Start doing that now in some ways, you know? I mean, believe me, I'm like-

   22. JFJefferson Fisher6:54

       That's a good point. That's got me thinking.

   23. DMDanica McKellar6:56

       Right? Most of the time.

   24. JFJefferson Fisher6:57

       Like, I mean, I have way more time with my kids.

   25. DMDanica McKellar6:59

       Way more time, and guess what? They can hang up that phone.

   26. JFJefferson Fisher7:04

       Yeah.

   27. DMDanica McKellar7:04

       They can just be not available. What do you want that relationship to be?

   28. JFJefferson Fisher7:08

       That's a good question.

   29. DMDanica McKellar7:08

       How do you want them to treat you as an adult someday? Maybe treat them like that now as much as you can.

   30. JFJefferson Fisher7:17

       That is a good question.
5. 7:19 – 9:17

   Sponsor break: AG1 routine for energy and nutrition

   1. JFJefferson Fisher7:19

      Mm-hmm. Before we keep going, I want to take a moment to tell you about AG1. Y'all, my summer is going everywhere so far. We've got, what, summer camps after summer camps, and dentist appointments, and going here and there, and traveling, and that makes it all the more important that I make sure, Sierra makes sure that we're having energy to keep up with these children. Okay, and how do we do [laughs] that? We've been trying AG1. We've been doing that for, I don't know, what, close to a month now of having AG1. And what I really like about it is that I know right away when I have it, I'm having immediate nutritional support for my body. That means gut health, immune health, healthy brain and mood, and helping fill in common nutrient gaps without having to think too hard about it. It's a scoop that you put in of, like, six to eight ounces of cold water. It's green. Does it taste awesome? It's not full of sugar, I'm gonna tell you that. It's not full of sugar, but I do know [laughs] that when I drink it, I feel better afterwards because I know I'm putting good stuff into my body. And one thing I really appreciate about AG1 is they actually invest in research. AG1 Next Gen is backed by multiple gold standard clinical trials and is clinically shown to fill in common nutrient gaps, improve key nutrient levels within three months, and enrich the gut biome. That sounds pretty good. For me, it's just one less thing to worry about, so no matter where the summer takes me, I can keep one healthy routine consistent. Visit drinkag1.com/jefferson to get a free Morning Person Hat [laughs] and free AG1 Flavor Sampler in your Welcome Kit with your first AG1 subscription. That's a $82 value. That is drinkag1, the number one, dot com slash jefferson. And now, let's keep going. How do you, I guess, define or aim or strive to be a, a present mom with all that you have going on?

6. 9:17 – 11:28

   Being a present mom with shared custody and homeschooling

   1. DMDanica McKellar9:17

      Yes. So, so Draco's dad and I are divorced-

   2. JFJefferson Fisher9:20

      Mm-hmm

   3. DMDanica McKellar9:20

      ... um, which means I get him only half the time. So when I don't have him, then I schedule all the things like this.

   4. JFJefferson Fisher9:27

      Yeah.

   5. DMDanica McKellar9:28

      Or, um, just meetings of any kind. I do a lot of writing.

   6. JFJefferson Fisher9:32

      Mm-hmm.

   7. DMDanica McKellar9:33

      Um, I also, I homeschool him somehow. [laughs]

   8. JFJefferson Fisher9:36

      [laughs]

   9. DMDanica McKellar9:37

      It's, it's a lot.

   10. JFJefferson Fisher9:37

       Yeah.

   11. DMDanica McKellar9:37

       When I'm with him, that's what we're doing. We're homeschooling. We're doing other things together. We're going on little field trips. We're, you know, um, scheduling time where we're hanging out with... Maybe I'm friends with a mom and he's friends with a son, and we, like, do a play date-

   12. JFJefferson Fisher9:50

       Yeah, yeah, yeah

   13. DMDanica McKellar9:50

       ... or whatever, like, or we do fam- family time. So I try to really... I, I have these, the two separate times, um, with Draco, without Draco. Without Draco, I'm a workaholic.

   14. JFJefferson Fisher10:01

       Yeah.

   15. DMDanica McKellar10:01

       With Draco, I try to put that aside as much as I can.

   16. JFJefferson Fisher10:05

       And that, that helps.

   17. DMDanica McKellar10:07

       Yeah.

   18. JFJefferson Fisher10:07

       You think it would be harder if he was with you full time?

   19. DMDanica McKellar10:11

       Yes, I do-

   20. JFJefferson Fisher10:12

       Yeah

   21. DMDanica McKellar10:12

       ... to be honest, because I would need to create that some other way.

   22. JFJefferson Fisher10:16

       Mm-hmm.

   23. DMDanica McKellar10:16

       Now, if, if he were with me full time but he went to school, then I'd probably get that, claim that, you know, reclaim that time-

   24. JFJefferson Fisher10:22

       Mm-hmm

   25. DMDanica McKellar10:22

       ... because I would, I'd be doing that stuff while he was at school. But homeschooling him, that's different.

   26. JFJefferson Fisher10:27

       Uh, yeah. Uh, the, the women that we know, uh, and the men that we know who homeschool their children, like, that to me requires a different, like, gear, um, to be not just around your kids all the time, but also responsible for-

   27. DMDanica McKellar10:43

       Yeah

   28. JFJefferson Fisher10:43

       ... their education and-

   29. DMDanica McKellar10:44

       It's a, it, you, it weighs on you 'cause, like, am I, am I doing a good enough job? Are they getting exposed to enough things? You know, I feel like I'm really strong in math and science.

   30. JFJefferson Fisher10:52

       Right.
7. 11:28 – 12:28

   Creating “mental snapshots” to slow time and make kids feel seen

   1. DMDanica McKellar11:28

      ... 'cause, you know, okay, so here's a, here's a, a little piece of advice too. So when I got married, I remember people telling me, "It's gonna fly right by. The day's gonna be over," right? Much like people say the childhood flies by.

   2. JFJefferson Fisher11:40

      Right.

   3. DMDanica McKellar11:40

      So, so take a moment here and there during your wedding day to, like, stop and be like, just stop everything and go take a mental snapshot. I'm here at my wedding right now.

   4. JFJefferson Fisher11:50

      Mm-hmm.

   5. DMDanica McKellar11:51

      Look at this. This is the wedding. And then go, and then try to do that a few times. So I will sit Draco down-

   6. JFJefferson Fisher11:56

      Yeah

   7. DMDanica McKellar11:57

      ... like, all the time. I would say probably a couple times a month, be like, "Draco, just sit down. Let's just sit down on the floor and, and stare at each other for a minute. Okay." He's like, "Ugh, okay." And we just, and like, I'm just, I just like, "Okay-

   8. JFJefferson Fisher12:08

      Yeah

   9. DMDanica McKellar12:09

      ... so this is you now."

   10. JFJefferson Fisher12:10

       Right. [laughs]

   11. DMDanica McKellar12:10

       "Look at you. You're like becoming like s-

   12. JFJefferson Fisher12:13

       Yeah

   13. DMDanica McKellar12:13

       ... an adult."

   14. JFJefferson Fisher12:13

       Yeah.

   15. DMDanica McKellar12:13

       "You're like a young man."

   16. JFJefferson Fisher12:15

       Right.

   17. DMDanica McKellar12:15

       "Look at the hair on your arms."

   18. JFJefferson Fisher12:16

       Yeah. [laughs]

   19. DMDanica McKellar12:16

       Like I just, like, "Look at you. You're like, you're-"

   20. JFJefferson Fisher12:18

       Noticing everything.

   21. DMDanica McKellar12:19

       And he, he, he, he rolls his eyes, but he also kinda likes it I think. He feels seen.

   22. JFJefferson Fisher12:23

       I think he might like it later.

   23. DMDanica McKellar12:25

       I think he-

   24. JFJefferson Fisher12:25

       But right now he's like-

   25. DMDanica McKellar12:25

       I think he's... I, I think so too. Yeah. [laughs]

8. 12:28 – 14:29

   Jefferson’s parallel story: treasuring milestone moments with loved ones

   1. JFJefferson Fisher12:28

      Yeah. We, um... That's funny you say that. My, uh, so my baby brother, see I call him my baby brother, he's like 28, um, just got married this past weekend in Austin, and it just happened to line up that we were on the way to take pictures. We had, uh, all had these suits on, and my middle brother, so he's, it's me, I'm the oldest of four.

   2. DMDanica McKellar12:51

      Okay.

   3. JFJefferson Fisher12:52

      It's me, my sister, brother, brother.

   4. DMDanica McKellar12:53

      Okay.

   5. JFJefferson Fisher12:54

      So the older of the brothers was driving, the baby brother's riding, who's getting married, then I'm in the back. And we just had this moment while we were driving to the pictures where Jonathan and I, we've both been married, and we're talking to Jacob, who's about to get married, of like, "Hey, listen," that, 'cause he was all worried about his itinerary. We're like, "Hey, that itinerary, just forget all of it. Like it's not gonna, nothing's gonna [laughs] go by the itinerary. Just take a moment to appreciate that we're here in the car together."

   6. DMDanica McKellar13:23

      Yeah.

   7. JFJefferson Fisher13:24

      "We're gonna have this moment. Like, we love you."

   8. DMDanica McKellar13:26

      Mm-hmm.

   9. JFJefferson Fisher13:26

      And then later on, like right before the ceremony, we got together and like grabbed his shoulder and like, "Hey, we're right here in this moment." And then right after-

   10. DMDanica McKellar13:34

       That's great

   11. JFJefferson Fisher13:34

       ... the wedding we're like-

   12. DMDanica McKellar13:34

       Aw

   13. JFJefferson Fisher13:34

       ... "Hey, we're right here in this moment." And so it was really cool to sometimes, I think, what's the takeaway? It's that you, you're gonna have to find that time in your life to grab the person that you love-

   14. DMDanica McKellar13:46

       Mm-hmm

   15. JFJefferson Fisher13:47

       ... and that means something to you and say, "Hey, I just wanna treasure this moment-

   16. DMDanica McKellar13:50

       Yeah

   17. JFJefferson Fisher13:50

       ... that we can have together. It's not gonna be the same moment that's gonna be there in the future, but we could have this moment right now. Let- let's not waste that." 'Cause I think it's easy to just to kinda let those, those moments go.

   18. DMDanica McKellar14:00

       When we're constantly thinking about what we need to do next-

   19. JFJefferson Fisher14:03

       Right

   20. DMDanica McKellar14:04

       ... then yeah, we don't get to be here.

   21. JFJefferson Fisher14:05

       What's, what's always next? What's always over the hill?

   22. DMDanica McKellar14:07

       Mm-hmm.

   23. JFJefferson Fisher14:07

       That's the energy I feel like you put out of this just very unselfish energy of what good can I do, how can it, how can I be about family, good values? How can I talk about faith? How can I create these environments? I mean, from the, the math books to how you talk about being a present mom, to everything that you, you do, is that something that you find to just be a core, like, value of yours?

9. 14:29 – 18:39

   Living as a role model: integrity, boundaries, and embracing being a “goody two-shoes”

   1. DMDanica McKellar14:29

      Yes. I mean, from being in the public eye from a very young age-

   2. JFJefferson Fisher14:32

      Right

   3. DMDanica McKellar14:33

      ... I've always felt a responsibility to be a good role model from my earliest-

   4. JFJefferson Fisher14:39

      Mm.

   5. DMDanica McKellar14:39

      I remember I st- I was offered this, um, granola bar ad campaign when I was 14. My mom was, you know, this was in the '90s, um, and my, and it had sugar, but it had sugar in it, and I didn't eat sugar. And we were, my mom had taught me not to eat sugar, and I turned it down. And it was a $100,000 campaign, which back in the '90s was, I mean, still a lot, but it was even more back then if you can imagine.

   6. JFJefferson Fisher15:00

      Yeah.

   7. DMDanica McKellar15:01

      And I was like, "But I, I, I can't tell other kids to eat this thing that I wouldn't eat."

   8. JFJefferson Fisher15:06

      I guarantee you I ate it. I probably ate a lot of it.

   9. DMDanica McKellar15:08

      I pro-

   10. JFJefferson Fisher15:08

       [laughs]

   11. DMDanica McKellar15:08

       I mean, you know what? Like-

   12. JFJefferson Fisher15:10

       Yeah. [laughs]

   13. DMDanica McKellar15:10

       But, but, but there was this-

   14. JFJefferson Fisher15:10

       My mom bought it

   15. DMDanica McKellar15:11

       ... inner core of this, like this, like, like this-

   16. JFJefferson Fisher15:14

       Yeah

   17. DMDanica McKellar15:15

       ... I, I, I couldn't. It was like water and oil. I couldn't-

   18. JFJefferson Fisher15:18

       This identity. Yeah.

   19. DMDanica McKellar15:19

       Identity, yeah.

   20. JFJefferson Fisher15:20

       Mm-hmm.

   21. DMDanica McKellar15:20

       Like, I can't get up there and say so... Like, it's why I, I can never be a politician. Like I [laughs] actually can't. Like-

   22. JFJefferson Fisher15:25

       I feel like you have the passion for it.

   23. DMDanica McKellar15:27

       I would be destroyed if I-

   24. JFJefferson Fisher15:29

       So you could, yeah, it's bec-

   25. DMDanica McKellar15:30

       As a j-

   26. JFJefferson Fisher15:30

       It's because you can't go-

   27. DMDanica McKellar15:31

       I can't be bought off

   28. JFJefferson Fisher15:32

       ... go negative. Yeah

   29. DMDanica McKellar15:33

       ... and I can't, I can't play the game, you know?

   30. JFJefferson Fisher15:35

       Especially not by Nutri-Grain bars.
10. 18:39 – 20:02

    What’s next: faith-forward Christmas movie and ongoing work-life balance

    1. DMDanica McKellar18:39

       Well, I'm, like I said, I'm, I'm writing my next Christmas movie, uh, right now.

    2. JFJefferson Fisher18:43

       Okay

    3. DMDanica McKellar18:43

       And putting faith into it and stuff, and I can't talk details yet.

    4. JFJefferson Fisher18:46

       Yeah.

    5. DMDanica McKellar18:46

       But-

    6. JFJefferson Fisher18:47

       Of course

    7. DMDanica McKellar18:47

       ... probably shoot this summer.

    8. JFJefferson Fisher18:49

       Awesome

    9. DMDanica McKellar18:49

       And, you know, I do speaking engagements around-

    10. JFJefferson Fisher18:52

        Yeah

    11. DMDanica McKellar18:53

        ... and just homeschooling my son and trying to stay in shape and-

    12. JFJefferson Fisher18:57

        Yeah

    13. DMDanica McKellar18:57

        ... do all the things, stay healthy.

    14. JFJefferson Fisher18:59

        I feel like, um, you're just a bright shining star, and I wanna, I would, I'm just honored to be able to share you with my community-

    15. DMDanica McKellar19:07

        Oh, gosh

    16. JFJefferson Fisher19:07

        ... and say, "Hey, if you want a, a role model of somebody who I think is doing it right and got it right."

    17. DMDanica McKellar19:13

        But also, like, a total goody two-shoes nerd, you know?

    18. JFJefferson Fisher19:16

        Yeah, but you use it almost-

    19. DMDanica McKellar19:17

        There's that

    20. JFJefferson Fisher19:17

        ... you almost use it in like in a derogatory sense. I don't see that-

    21. DMDanica McKellar19:20

        [laughs]

    22. JFJefferson Fisher19:20

        I, I don't see that as a-

    23. DMDanica McKellar19:21

        At this point, I'm in my 50s. I'm 51, so I don't even care anymore. Like, I don't, like, I, I embrace the nerdy sort of outside looking in aspect of my personality. It's fine. It, it's, it's served me well, and people in my-

    24. JFJefferson Fisher19:36

        Yeah

    25. DMDanica McKellar19:36

        ... you know, surroundings, they all understand me and love me anyway.

    26. JFJefferson Fisher19:40

        I think there are more people like you than you think.

    27. DMDanica McKellar19:42

        Maybe. [laughs]

    28. JFJefferson Fisher19:42

        I really do.

    29. DMDanica McKellar19:43

        Right, there's that.

    30. JFJefferson Fisher19:43

        And I think there are many people who are listening to this and saying, seeing that example of courage to just be who you naturally are rather than, and being okay with this idea of on the outside looking in to what you th- the world says is cool or hip or-
11. 20:02 – 21:33

    Sponsor break: Tiny Health gut microbiome testing

    1. JFJefferson Fisher20:02

       And knowing that there's, they can take courage in the peace of walking in your purpose and being a light to those regardless of what's happening out there, so... Before we keep going, I wanna take a moment to tell you about Tiny Health. Now, you know what it's like when as you're going throughout the day and you go, "Something's just off. I don't know why I feel off. I feel like I've been eating okay. I've been doing all my regular stuff. I've been getting sleep, but maybe my stomach is not feeling good. Maybe I just, I don't feel locked in the way I need to." My family's been using Tiny Health for issues that have to do with just that. What Tiny Health does is it is a take at home test that you send in, and it gives you personalized recommendations and results that are science-backed, that give you a whole insight into what's going on in your gut, in your gut health, in your gut biome, um, your microbiome, to say, "Hey, these are some of the foods that may be giving you issues. These are some lifestyle changes you might wanna be aware of." In other words, rather than just guessing, what Tiny Health does is allow you to actually look and see based on real scientific data as to what exactly is going on. And when you have that kind of information, it's really a peaceful feeling just to know, know, "Hey, this is what's going on. I'm not crazy. I'm not losing my mind." It just really is in your gut. Because if your guts isn't right, nothing's right. So start improving your health with real data from Tiny Health. Tiny Health is offering my listeners their biggest

12. 21:33 – 25:36

    Danica’s faith journey: from exposure to a defining Palm Sunday moment

    1. JFJefferson Fisher21:33

       offer yet, which is $50 off your first at home test at tinyhealth.com/jefferson. That's tinyhealth.com/jefferson for $50 off. And now, let's keep going. I, I would love for you to tell me, uh, how you came to faith.

    2. DMDanica McKellar21:50

       Yes.

    3. JFJefferson Fisher21:50

       That journey.

    4. DMDanica McKellar21:50

       'Cause it was recent.

    5. JFJefferson Fisher21:51

       Yes, very recent.

    6. DMDanica McKellar21:52

       It was four years ago. Um, okay. So I've always been around Christianity a little bit here and there. Like, when we, um, moved from San Diego to Los Angeles when I was a kid, the best school was a Catholic school, and so I went to Catholic school. But my mom was like, "Oh, well, don't worry about all that, you know."

    7. JFJefferson Fisher22:07

       [laughs]

    8. DMDanica McKellar22:07

       Um, "It's just, it's just, it's a good school, um, but don't worry about the whole Jesus thing." I'm like, "Okay." But it was arou- you know, you're around it and you kind of learn about it, and-

    9. JFJefferson Fisher22:15

       Yeah

    10. DMDanica McKellar22:15

        ... my mom's a wonderful person, a very moral person.

    11. JFJefferson Fisher22:17

        Right

    12. DMDanica McKellar22:18

        She just didn't grow up with all that.

    13. JFJefferson Fisher22:19

        Yeah.

    14. DMDanica McKellar22:19

        Um, so, uh, so and then my dad, when I was around, I was a teenager, I guess, my dad came to faith.

    15. JFJefferson Fisher22:29

        Hmm.

    16. DMDanica McKellar22:29

        He, his, he's in real estate, and the market had crashed, like, big time, and he lost almost basically everything.

    17. JFJefferson Fisher22:36

        Wow.

    18. DMDanica McKellar22:36

        And he came to, a friend brought him to church and, and he came to faith and, and he gave me this necklace. I, he gave this to me when I was 16.

    19. JFJefferson Fisher22:43

        Oh, that's awesome.

    20. DMDanica McKellar22:44

        Uh, and I just saved it 'cause I'm like, "Well, that's pretty."

    21. JFJefferson Fisher22:46

        Yeah, yeah.

    22. DMDanica McKellar22:47

        And I just didn't [laughs] ... And I was like, "Wow, he seems so happy," like, "He seems different."

    23. JFJefferson Fisher22:52

        Yeah.

    24. DMDanica McKellar22:52

        "That's, I'm so happy for him that this is working for him." Like, that was-

    25. JFJefferson Fisher22:55

        Yeah, yeah

    26. DMDanica McKellar22:55

        ... kind of my feeling.

    27. JFJefferson Fisher22:56

        Good for him kind of thing.

    28. DMDanica McKellar22:57

        Good for him.

    29. JFJefferson Fisher22:57

        Yeah.

    30. DMDanica McKellar22:58

        I'm genuinely happy f- for him that whatever, you know. Uh, and then, and then fast-forward a lot of years to, I think it was probably 2020 or so, and my friend Candace Cameron Bure, who is also on Great American Family channel-
13. 25:36 – 28:47

    Freedom from anxiety and control: prayer, humility, and giving glory to God

    1. DMDanica McKellar25:36

       ... I'm like, "Guys, uh, freedom." Okay, so I used to think that religion, like Christianity, meant that you had, like, less freedom. It was restrictive. It's actually different. It's the opposite.

    2. JFJefferson Fisher25:44

       Yeah, yeah.

    3. DMDanica McKellar25:44

       I have so much freedom.

    4. JFJefferson Fisher25:46

       [laughs] Yeah.

    5. DMDanica McKellar25:46

       I feel like my heart's open to my... Like, and what you're, what's freedom is freedom from anxiety-

    6. JFJefferson Fisher25:51

       Yeah

    7. DMDanica McKellar25:52

       ... for me. And I'm not talking about clinical anxiety. I would never try to speak to that 'cause I don't know anything about that. What I will say is for me, the anxiety that I have felt in my life, worrying, trying to control everything, having to figure out all the potential situations and how things could go wrong so I can preemptively prevent them from going wrong, all that that I've spent so much of my life doing. People say, "Well, what's different in your life since you came to faith?" The, the biggest stuff is the stuff you would never see. It's the stuff on the inside. It's all the in-between moments. It's every time I get into bed at night and just, like, thanking God, just feeling, just flooded-

    8. JFJefferson Fisher26:26

       Mm

    9. DMDanica McKellar26:26

       ... with gratitude and, and having that. And then I do the Lord's Prayer at night, which I just love. I love that prayer so much. Um, that, and then when there are things that happen that I'm afraid of or whatever is going on, um, I go to God. I, I have a turnover-

    10. JFJefferson Fisher26:44

        Yeah

    11. DMDanica McKellar26:44

        ... and a humility, giving glory to God.

    12. JFJefferson Fisher26:46

        Mm.

    13. DMDanica McKellar26:46

        Oh, my goodness, that's a huge one. And for somebody, I mean, for you, that you have all this sudden success-

    14. JFJefferson Fisher26:52

        Mm-hmm

    15. DMDanica McKellar26:52

        ... you know, my advice to you, not that you asked for advice [laughs]

    16. JFJefferson Fisher26:55

        I love advice

    17. DMDanica McKellar26:56

        ... just glory to God.

    18. JFJefferson Fisher26:57

        Oh.

    19. DMDanica McKellar26:57

        Glory to God.

    20. JFJefferson Fisher26:57

        Every day.

    21. DMDanica McKellar26:58

        Constant.

    22. JFJefferson Fisher26:58

        Every day.

    23. DMDanica McKellar26:59

        Constant. It puts you in this, in the, in the position of, of humility to receive more, you also, but to use it as a... You're receiving to give.

    24. JFJefferson Fisher27:08

        Yeah.

    25. DMDanica McKellar27:08

        And it feels so much better than trying to collect riches on a throne. Like, it's not-

    26. JFJefferson Fisher27:14

        Right

    27. DMDanica McKellar27:14

        ... that actually, that creates more fear when you are protecting your throne, to, to quote a sermon-

    28. JFJefferson Fisher27:22

        Yeah

    29. DMDanica McKellar27:22

        ... yesterday in church [laughs]

    30. JFJefferson Fisher27:23

        That's wonderful
14. 28:47 – 32:34

    Inviting skeptics: ask God for help and give yourself permission

    1. JFJefferson Fisher28:47

       And so when you, if you were talking to that person who's, I don't know, let's just say they're in LA, or they don't know anything-

    2. DMDanica McKellar28:55

       [laughs]

    3. JFJefferson Fisher28:55

       ... about the church, and you've, you've, because you've been that person, right? It's like, you know, uh, religion, and you see all these type of denominations that are out there and everything.

    4. DMDanica McKellar29:04

       Right, and the holier-than-thou-

    5. JFJefferson Fisher29:06

       Right

    6. DMDanica McKellar29:06

       ... idea, like, "Oh, the Jesus people, they think they're better," or whatever, like-

    7. JFJefferson Fisher29:10

       Yeah, yeah

    8. DMDanica McKellar29:11

       ... all those misconceptions. And the other thing is there are probably plenty of people who are like that [laughs] just like-

    9. JFJefferson Fisher29:16

       There absolutely are

    10. DMDanica McKellar29:17

        ... so that's the thing, to not-

    11. JFJefferson Fisher29:17

        Yeah, there's not probably. There are

    12. DMDanica McKellar29:18

        ... no, yeah.

    13. JFJefferson Fisher29:19

        Yeah, yeah, yeah.

    14. DMDanica McKellar29:19

        No, right. So, so that-

    15. JFJefferson Fisher29:21

        Definitely

    16. DMDanica McKellar29:21

        ... but that can all ex- that can all exist. It doesn't need to ch- to keep you from having that relationship with God-

    17. JFJefferson Fisher29:26

        Yeah

    18. DMDanica McKellar29:26

        ... and with Jesus. I didn't even, I wasn't able to say Jesus for, like, the first year or s- like, I would, but it felt weird coming-

    19. JFJefferson Fisher29:33

        Well, there's-

    20. DMDanica McKellar29:33

        ... out of my mouth

    21. JFJefferson Fisher29:33

        ... something powerful in the name of Jesus.

    22. DMDanica McKellar29:35

        There is.

    23. JFJefferson Fisher29:35

        You know? It's a, it's a name that when you s- like, people are okay talking about God-

    24. DMDanica McKellar29:39

        Right

    25. JFJefferson Fisher29:39

        ... I feel like.

    26. DMDanica McKellar29:40

        Yep.

    27. JFJefferson Fisher29:40

        But as soon as you say the word Jesus, it's like-

    28. DMDanica McKellar29:41

        Yeah

    29. JFJefferson Fisher29:41

        ... whoa, okay, easy.

    30. DMDanica McKellar29:42

        Right, right.
15. 32:34 – 36:16

    Closing reflections: surrender, Scripture, and mutual encouragement

    1. JFJefferson Fisher32:34

       It's kind of like that both can be true. Like, I find-

    2. DMDanica McKellar32:36

       Mm-hmm

    3. JFJefferson Fisher32:37

       ... a lot of the times in conflict there's the struggle.

    4. DMDanica McKellar32:40

       Mm-hmm.

    5. JFJefferson Fisher32:41

       And sometimes a very kind of permission way of going about it is saying, "Well, hey, I think there's sometimes both, both things can be true."

    6. DMDanica McKellar32:49

       Mm-hmm.

    7. JFJefferson Fisher32:49

       How you feel can be true and how I feel can both be true. And it's that, like, a little bit of a psychological just give ourselves permission to, to disagree. Give yourself permission to challenge. Like, for me, I think it's a, I think it's a good thing for people to wrestle with faith. Like, I think just the idea of wrestling with big concepts.

    8. DMDanica McKellar33:07

       Mm-hmm.

    9. JFJefferson Fisher33:07

       Like, I wrestle with the, the concept of the Kingdom of God, right?

    10. DMDanica McKellar33:12

        Yeah.

    11. JFJefferson Fisher33:12

        Like, Jesus talks about the Kingdom of God is like this, the Kingdom of God is like this, and, like, these are big things that every time I wrestle with. Or sometimes I wrestle with the big paradoxes. Like, uh, who, uh, loses their life will gain it.

    12. DMDanica McKellar33:25

        Uh-huh.

    13. JFJefferson Fisher33:25

        Like, these big paradoxes in, in life, and so I find that if you can... Once you kind of identify and attach, and you, you... I think our, we, we naturally, our lives kind of go towards this. Like, I've, uh... Or the idea of surrender rather than trying to control.

    14. DMDanica McKellar33:42

        Uh-huh.

    15. JFJefferson Fisher33:42

        Really, there's so much... You think there's so much peace in control. There's so much peace in surrender.

    16. DMDanica McKellar33:46

        Oh, yes.

    17. JFJefferson Fisher33:47

        And, and it's like when, instead, instead of this, it's a lot more of this.

    18. DMDanica McKellar33:50

        Mm-hmm.

    19. JFJefferson Fisher33:50

        And when you get, you find yourself in that paradox on the other side of it, it's, it's such a, a freeing feeling. What you said the very beginning, it's when you wanted to tell your community, "Freedom."

    20. DMDanica McKellar34:02

        Yes.

    21. JFJefferson Fisher34:02

        "I have found, I have found freedom."

    22. DMDanica McKellar34:03

        It's freedom. [laughs] It's freedom.

    23. JFJefferson Fisher34:04

        Yeah.

    24. DMDanica McKellar34:04

        Because you're free, you're free from, from worry.

    25. JFJefferson Fisher34:07

        Right, in that you're getting to live in the truth.

    26. DMDanica McKellar34:10

        Uh, Philippians 4:6-7.

    27. JFJefferson Fisher34:12

        Mm.

    28. DMDanica McKellar34:12

        "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, through prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be n- ma- be made known to God, and the peace of the Lord, which surpasses understanding, will guard your minds and hearts in Christ Jesus."

    29. JFJefferson Fisher34:34

        Let's go. [laughs] That's so good.

    30. DMDanica McKellar34:36

        That was, that was a little rough, but that was favorite.

Episode duration: 36:17