Joe Rogan Experience #1190 - Joey Diaz

Joe Rogan 0:02 Three, two... What the fuck were you saying, Joey Diaz?

Joey Diaz 0:08 I said that once you're clean for 29 days without smoking reefer, that's it. Why go back?

Joe Rogan 0:13 (laughs) What?

Joey Diaz 0:14 Yeah!

Joe Rogan 0:14 I like it.

Joey Diaz 0:16 No.

Joe Rogan 0:17 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 0:18 If I fucking stayed clean from reefer for 29 days, I'd go, (claps hands) I'd let my lungs fucking heal from the abuse I've inflicted on them the last 30 fucking years.

Joe Rogan 0:27 What about edibles? What about sprays?

Joey Diaz 0:28 Uh, first of all-

Joe Rogan 0:29 You know, the, the Jamba sprays?

Joey Diaz 0:30 First of all, I haven't had an edible since like... I broke it in Boston September 29th, so out of respect for Sober October, I didn't do an edible. I haven't done edibles. I, I... Something was wrong with my stomach so I figured out it, I was, uh, lactose tolerant-

Joe Rogan 0:46 Lactose intolerant? (laughs)

Joey Diaz 0:46 Lactose intolerant. I fucking eat mozzarella cheese or milk and I'm farting up... You know, it's a nightmare.

Joe Rogan 0:52 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 0:53 So I had to cut that out of my diet. No mozzarella cheese. Light on the American cheese now. No Swiss no more. No Cuban sandwiches.

Joe Rogan 1:03 Really?

Joey Diaz 1:03 It's fucking crazy. And then I had to cut out... The edibles were giving me a weird feeling.

Joe Rogan 1:09 (laughs) Like what?

Joey Diaz 1:11 Like, it had, it had just gone... It had just gone somewhere else and I didn't like the hunger issues.

Joe Rogan 1:17 Oh, the munchies? Yeah.

Joey Diaz 1:18 The hunger issues after 11:00 were just monstrous. Like here I am working hard to lose weight, I'd stick to it and then I go home, I start with an apple, another apple-

Joe Rogan 1:29 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 1:29 ... a banana, another banana. Then you gotta bust out the salami sandwich with the fucking American... You know.

Joe Rogan 1:35 Right.

Joey Diaz 1:36 It was just, uh, it was just getting bad. I could not control it. Could not. Uncontrollable. The hunger from edibles every minute after 11:00 for me was uncontrollable.

Joe Rogan 1:46 Well, you get blitzkrieg. You don't just get like a little fucked up.

Joey Diaz 1:49 No. No, and it starts early. It was starting early, 2:00 in the afternoon, then pop another two at fucking 6:00.

Joe Rogan 1:55 Do you like vaporizing?

Joey Diaz 1:57 No.

Joe Rogan 1:58 No, just smoking?

Joey Diaz 2:00 I, if, if you-

Joe Rogan 2:00 If you're worried about your lungs, you know, you-

Joey Diaz 2:01 I take vapors at a hotel-

Joe Rogan 2:04 Like a vape pen?

Joey Diaz 2:05 ... to get the party started in the morning.

Joe Rogan 2:07 Right.

Joey Diaz 2:07 While I'm having coffee in my hotel room, writing my notes for the m- thoughts of the day.

Joe Rogan 2:11 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 2:12 Because I don't wake up with hunger. See, that was my problem all those years. I wouldn't eat till 1:00. If, if you wanna be a fat fuck, don't eat till 1:00 when you wake up because then you gotta make up for it the rest of the day. So now I have to force myself to eat.

Joe Rogan 2:26 What do you mean?

Joey Diaz 2:27 Because a lot of you guys like the, uh-

Joe Rogan 2:30 Intermittent fasting?

Joey Diaz 2:31 ... intermittent fasting, I can't live with that.

Joe Rogan 2:32 What do you mean?

Joey Diaz 2:33 My shit goes up and down, my blood pressure, my blood sugar, so I c- I could never intermittent fast. But in the old days, I'd be coked up and I'd wake up speedy still-

Joe Rogan 2:43 Right.

Joey Diaz 2:43 ... so I wouldn't eat breakfast, but I'd start eating at 1:00 or 2:00 and would not stop till fucking 2:00 in the morning. You saw me.

Joe Rogan 2:50 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 2:51 I'd be eating those pink dot sandwiches like they were nothing, two meatball sandwiches at 12:00 because I wouldn't eat breakfast. I forced myself to eat, you know, for years where I was eating every six hours. You're supposed to eat a smaller portion, you know what I'm saying? So-

Joe Rogan 3:06 Yeah, that's what people were thinking.

Joey Diaz 3:07 I gotta eat breakfast and I could eat two egg yolks, a piece of wheat toast and fruit and I'm good. Like for Sober October, I gave up bacon.

Joe Rogan 3:17 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 3:18 I only eat two pieces of bacon. It's four, five points on Weight Watchers. That's all I'm allowed. But at least I'm allowed two pieces of bacon.

Joe Rogan 3:25 Two pieces of bacon is all you really need.

Joey Diaz 3:27 That's all you need.

Joe Rogan 3:27 You can eat more than two pieces of bacon.

Joey Diaz 3:28 Let me tell you something.

Joe Rogan 3:29 You're just getting greedy.

Joey Diaz 3:29 When I was 418, between you and I, my wife who's from the South would make the whole packet of Oscar Mayer Center Cut bacon, the whole pack every morning. That was my breakfast.

Joe Rogan 3:42 You'd eat the whole packet?

Joey Diaz 3:43 The whole package with three eggs, a half a loaf of Wonder Bread and butter and a 16 ounce Coke to boot.

Joe Rogan 3:51 A Coke on top of it?

Joey Diaz 3:52 Oh, yeah. I could drink two Cokes for breakfast.

Joe Rogan 3:54 Ugh!

Joey Diaz 3:54 Remember, I grew up in the East Coast and I caught a bad habit early on. After my mother died, I caught that. I didn't... I wouldn't eat at home. I would leave and eat at the deli. I went on the... Remember when fucking cream cheese and jelly on a, on a roll was big?

Joe Rogan 4:10 Oh, yeah.

Joey Diaz 4:11 You know what that does to your system?

Joe Rogan 4:13 Terrible.

Joey Diaz 4:13 Cream cheese and jelly for breakfast? I used to-

Joe Rogan 4:15 Sugar.

Joey Diaz 4:15 I used to open up with cream cheese and jelly on a poppy seed roll with a 16 ounce Coke for breakfast for years.

Joe Rogan 4:24 (whistles)

Joey Diaz 4:24 And I was in shape. That, that's the thing. You know, you can't live a... Remember that? Nobody eats cream cheese and jelly for breakfast on a roll no more. Cream cheese and jelly.

Joe Rogan 4:34 No, 'cause people know better now.

Joey Diaz 4:36 In Jersey, in those diners, they got those bran muffins. You go in there, you get those bran muffins. They put them on the grill with butter on them. Goo- googly moogly. (hisses)

Joe Rogan 4:44 Those are good.

Joey Diaz 4:45 Oh my goodness! You just chop... Now I go to, I go to Yum Yum Donuts, I get a bran muffin with raisins in it and it's got no butter or nothing. But they cut them in half on the East Coast. Those East Coast breakfasts were horrible.

Joe Rogan 4:58 Now, how long you been doing this Weight Watchers thing now?

Joey Diaz 5:00 Since December 9th.

Joe Rogan 5:02 So almost a year?

Joey Diaz 5:03 Yeah, but I've been, I've been on-

Joe Rogan 5:04 Close to another year. 11 months now?

Joey Diaz 5:05 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 5:05 -Ish?

Joey Diaz 5:06 Yeah, 11 months-ish.

Joe Rogan 5:08 That's pretty good.

Joey Diaz 5:09 30 pounds.

Joe Rogan 5:10 That's nice.

Joey Diaz 5:10 And I didn't-

Joe Rogan 5:11 That's a good weight over that amount of time because it's gradual.

Joey Diaz 5:14 And I didn't... And the only week I missed my fitness goals, I have to have 72 points of activity and I only missed it one time. I had the flu.

Joe Rogan 5:24 What, what's a point of activity? How do you... What do you get?

Joey Diaz 5:26 So if I go to Muay Thai at 9:00, I only really... It's an hour class, but I only put 30 minutes down to Muay Thai training. If we do circuit training with a ball-

Joe Rogan 5:37 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 5:37 ... or ropes and shit, then I put whatever the amount. If it's eight stations at 30 seconds a station...

Joe Rogan 5:43 Do you wear a heart rate monitor or anything? Or a watch?

Joey Diaz 5:45 No, no, no, no. I don't wanna hear... Listen, I don't wanna hear, I don't wanna see. You know what? When I had that fucking ear infection, I used to have to work out with earplugs on and I'd get high and go throw sidekicks for Jesus. You don't know what life is-

Joe Rogan 5:57 So when you had the ear infection, the earplugs kept your equilibrium in balance?

Joey Diaz 6:01 No, it would keep sweat from going in my ear.

Joe Rogan 6:03 Oh.

Joey Diaz 6:04 You don't know what life is when you're working out and you can hear your heartbeat.... but yeah, boom, boom, boom. (singing) That's trippy shit. Like-

Joe Rogan 6:11 You know, Everlast has a ticker. He's got an artificial valve, and he puts the microphone up to his chest, you hear (clicking) .

Joey Diaz 6:17 No, I don't want to hear that shit.

Joe Rogan 6:20 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 6:20 Like 60 Minutes?

Joe Rogan 6:21 Yeah, it's trippy. (laughs)

Joey Diaz 6:21 Like the beginning of 60 Minutes?

Joe Rogan 6:22 Exactly. (laughs)

Joey Diaz 6:23 Fuck you.

Joe Rogan 6:23 It's trippy, man. It's ... He's had it in there for, what'd he say, like 18 years, I think? Yeah. He had a heart attack a long-ass time ago.

Joey Diaz 6:30 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 6:31 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 6:31 No, no, no, no.

Joe Rogan 6:32 He had a bad valve.

Joey Diaz 6:33 (laughs) Yeah, but if I was clean of, off weed for 29 days, I might as well go for it for at least a year.

Joe Rogan 6:39 Yeah. Let's round back around to that.

Joey Diaz 6:40 And then make a come- and then make a comeback.

Joe Rogan 6:41 Why? I enjoy marijuana.

Joey Diaz 6:43 Just make a comeback, just to see what, what it'd be like. I don't-

Joe Rogan 6:46 I'll tell you one thing that did happen last year when we did Sober October and I took a month off. When I started back again, I'd get nervous.

Joey Diaz 6:52 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 6:52 I'd get real nervous.

Joey Diaz 6:53 Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 6:54 I'd get scared to do it, and I'd go on stage, I'd feel real strange.

Joey Diaz 6:56 Yeah. No, no, no.

Joe Rogan 6:57 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 6:58 Somebody once told me, a great woman once told me that, uh, if you think getting high in life is weird, wait till you stop getting high, and it's a different-

Joe Rogan 7:09 Ooh.

Joey Diaz 7:09 ... fucking adventure. And she's true-

Joe Rogan 7:10 That's ... She's right.

Joey Diaz 7:10 ... in a lot of aspects.

Joe Rogan 7:11 She's right.

Joey Diaz 7:12 I, I called you o- one ... October 2nd, one night, I got home from The Comedy Store. You know when you get home from The Original Room, dawg. Y- especially when you're going ... It was one of those nights when I went in there and I was Rocky Balboa. I just touched gloves and I measured and I just started going to the body for-

Joe Rogan 7:29 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 7:29 For 15 minutes. I remember driving up Laurel Canyon, going, "What am I gonna do with myself?" And I went home, and it was like October 2nd, it was 11:30, and I started smoking reefer to calm down a little bit. And I went down, and I started with Sign o' the Times by Prince.

Joe Rogan 7:44 Mm.

Joey Diaz 7:44 And I just left it on autoplay, and it just took me into a Prince fucking cave, and I ended up on Beautiful Ones, when he starts singing-

Joe Rogan 7:53 Mm.

Joey Diaz 7:53 ... "Do you want him?" And I called you up. I'm like, "This is why I can't do Sober October."

Joe Rogan 7:58 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 7:59 Because I get so high at night, to come down off the stage, when you get off stage, you need something. And since I don't drink, I'm scared to come up that hill drinking. I have to smoke reefer to come down at night. And music, that's the only thing that calms me down at night.

Joe Rogan 8:13 Do you write at night after your sets?

Joey Diaz 8:15 I write about what h- Yeah. I try to write how lucky I am that I'm still performing at The Store at 55.

Joe Rogan 8:21 (gasps) .

Joey Diaz 8:22 I write about that I ate a bag of dicks, but I'll get them tomorrow night.

Joe Rogan 8:25 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 8:26 You know, like, whatever. Whatever just is flowing through my head while I have music on, I'm drinking a water, and I'm just ... I'll go in the back and fucking toke a fucking 22 hits off a pipe, and I love listening to music at night. That's my hobby.

Joe Rogan 8:41 It's, it's a thing to, like, when you get out of The Store, it's a thing to sit yourself down and make yourself work and write. You know, 'cause you're like, "I'm done. I did it. Got a good set in, I'm good." But that's the best time to write, I think. Everything's popping.

Joey Diaz 8:54 Well, I'll go home and make corrections. Maybe I said that "fuck" too early.

Joe Rogan 8:58 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 8:58 Or maybe I said that and I shouldn't have said it. But, uh, no, I won't try to write at night. I'm gone at night. Like, to try ... Unless something's really funny.

Joe Rogan 9:08 'Cause you're tired or ...

Joey Diaz 9:09 I think my brain is shot at night.

Joe Rogan 9:12 'Cause ... Is it because you did, you already did your standup, you got ramped up-

Joey Diaz 9:15 Did the standup, played with the fucking kid.

Joe Rogan 9:17 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 9:18 You know, did a podcast, talked to people all day about shit that doesn't matter. By night, I like to g- I like to get up, I play with Mercy, I talk to my wife, I'll do a protein shake, I'll drop Mercy off, I'll go home, and then I go to the coffee shop. And for 30 minutes, I'll call my peeps in Jersey, check in, and then I'll get eggs at the coffee shop, bacon. Once my breakfast is gone, I write my thought page down for the day, then I take my iPad out, and I either write a chapter in the book, I try to write towards the book. And while I'm writing the book-

Joe Rogan 9:58 The book. You're writing a book right now?

Joey Diaz 9:59 I'm trying. I'm trying.

Joe Rogan 10:00 How long you been doing this?

Joey Diaz 10:02 22 fucking years, Joe Rogan.

Joe Rogan 10:04 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 10:05 (clears throat) 22 fucking years, you know. Um, but I force myself. And with the iPad, you know, there's a whole thing on ... There's a whole writing thing, so I can just turn that chapter off and go to another document and click onto post-Netflix material. And then I got a thing that we're working on with immigrant mentality, so I think about that, I go to that. So now, my ... That's all great. I think just doing that exercise every day is good for me. I don't need to write comedy every day.

Joey Diaz 10:35 I'd rather just go down to The Store, throw something out there, and fucking get excited. And like I told you, I'm not going anywhere else no more in Los Angeles. I'm going back to The Store.

Joe Rogan 10:47 No improv s- spots?

Joey Diaz 10:48 Especially after I shot the Netflix special and everything, it all came to me after that, that 10 year- And especially after she died. You know how people ... You ever go to like an acting class and people refer to Stanislavski and all this shit? 10 years from now, people are gonna be referring to the Mitzi Shore technique. There was something that every ki- I was talking to Duncan about it, I talked to Ari about it. I know she said something to us at one point that we were like, "Wow." Something. I remember (laughs) I was telling this on my podcast, that there was a time sh- she didn't like you doing that in the cold pit in the main room.

Joe Rogan 11:23 Yeah, she hated it. (laughs)

Joey Diaz 11:24 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 11:25 She wouldn't let me do it in the main room.

Joey Diaz 11:27 In the main room.

Joe Rogan 11:27 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 11:27 In the original r-

Joe Rogan 11:28 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 11:28 How fucking crazy is that? That's to show you her genius, in a way. Like, she was like, "Joe, uh, you can light yourself on fire in the original room."

Joe Rogan 11:38 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 11:38 "I don't give a fuck. But in the main room, you can't do that because you're killing my room." Like, the comics afterward just could not follow it. Like, they could just not follow it. That lesson right there-

Joe Rogan 11:49 Well, it was a fucked up bit. The bit-

Joey Diaz 11:50 Tha-

Joe Rogan 11:50 It was about, uh-

Joey Diaz 11:51 It was brilliant, but it ... Think about it.

Joe Rogan 11:54 There's no good versions of that bit anywhere. There's one version that I did that's up on you- It's terrible, it's a terrible version. That, th- there's no solid versions of that bit, but that bit was right when that guy died, J. Howard Marshall.

Joey Diaz 12:08 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 12:08 (laughs) He dies and it was all about him getting Anna Nicole Smith to do shit to him before he died.

Joey Diaz 12:14 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 12:14 (laughs) Just send her in the money.

Joey Diaz 12:15 "But Father, she's trying to take your money." "I don't give a fuck. I wanna get my balls licked." Or something like that.

Joe Rogan 12:21 It was a crazy bit, but Mitzi didn't like it too, because she didn't like bits that were making fun of old people, 'cause, you know, her health was deteriorating too.

Joey Diaz 12:28 (sighs)

Joe Rogan 12:29 She... There was a couple of bits in it she didn't like. (laughs)

Joey Diaz 12:33 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 12:33 This is... This fucking picture of him, he's a million years old and she's hot as the sun and she's sitting on his lap.

Joey Diaz 12:40 (laughs) Look at him. Look at the smile on his face, dawg.

Joe Rogan 12:44 Yeah. Oh, man, I loved him. I loved that whole scene. I loved what it was. I loved it 'cause it was so blatant, you know? It was just so blatant. But she didn't like that bit. She didn't like the Hugh Hefner bit either. She didn't like that bit. Those are good. When Hugh Hefner told those girlies... Look at... She's kissing him. Oh, my... Jesus Christ. Uh. He's in a wheelchair while she's marrying him. I mean, it was a damn classic. That, that, that, that scene of him and her getting married, she's so young and so hot and he's so old and wrecked and rich as fuck in a wheelchair. It's such a classic scenario. It was so good. (laughs)

Joey Diaz 13:24 You called her a Kentucky Fried Hooker. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 13:28 Yes. (laughs)

Joey Diaz 13:28 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 13:28 I had him call her a Kentucky Fried Hooker.

Joey Diaz 13:30 Right, right.

Joe Rogan 13:31 Like, if sh- if she wanted that money, she had to do her... She had to keep doing shit. (laughs)

Joey Diaz 13:35 (laughs) And then, that's... Yeah. This... He's going, "Father, he's going." (laughs) It's time.

Joe Rogan 13:41 And he wakes up and he's like, "It's time to lick my balls." (laughs)

Joey Diaz 13:46 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 13:47 "It's time." Uh. Yeah, man. I, I just love the fact that that guy was that wealthy and yet still... I mean, I guess when you're that wealthy-

Joey Diaz 13:59 What was he worth at that time?

Joe Rogan 14:00 ... and that old. More than a billion dollars. Yeah, he was a billionaire. He was an oil magnate, right? Wasn't he?

Narrator 14:08 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 14:09 I don't think she got the money, though. I think the kids fought her.

Narrator 14:13 No, they didn't.

Joe Rogan 14:15 $100 million? What? That's peanuts.

Narrator 14:20 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 14:23 It got her, Doug.

Joe Rogan 14:24 Anna Nicole Smith's daughter is now the fourth richest woman in the US.

Narrator 14:28 Daughter-in-law.

Joe Rogan 14:29 It's what... Oh.

Narrator 14:30 I don't know.

Joe Rogan 14:31 No, it says $37 billion, though.

Narrator 14:33 That's the Koch brothers.

Joe Rogan 14:35 Oh, Koch brothers. Oh, I see, I see.

Narrator 14:37 He was, he was 69th on the list.

Joe Rogan 14:39 Oh. But fourth richest woman. Do you know, out of the richest women in the world, Google the richest women in the world, like, where they got their money from? It's rough. It's rough out there, guys. They, they ain't fucking starting businesses. (laughs) They're marrying dummies. (laughs)

Joey Diaz 14:57 Really?

Joe Rogan 14:57 Yes.

Joey Diaz 14:58 Is that how they got that rich?

Joe Rogan 14:58 It's... Almost all of it is divorce. Almost all of it's divorce money. The w-... Feminists, do not want to hear this, but there was one woman who was the richest woman ever from, uh, a startup company. Uh, Elizabeth... What was her name? From Theranos?

Narrator 15:18 Oh, yeah. She bloody took it all.

Joe Rogan 15:19 Was it... What was her name? Elizabeth something. Not Smith. What was it? Something...

Narrator 15:26 Holmes.

Joe Rogan 15:26 Holmes. Elizabeth Holmes. She had a... Ran a company called Theranos. She started it herself, dropped out of college to start this company and it was a total fraud. It was all fraudulent. She's going to jail forever. (laughs)

Narrator 15:38 Oh.

Joe Rogan 15:38 She was worth $34 billion at one point. It was a blood testing company and what it was, was they just take a prick of your blood. Instead of taking a bunch of your blood, like getting your blood drawn, the, the... Her thing was like, "Let's just be able to take a prick of the blood, just a little tiny prick, like you go to a store, get a prick of your blood, and they're gonna be able to do a battery of tests on you and find out what's going on." The problem was, it didn't fucking work and they, they falsified all sorts of data and they lied to investors and all sorts of shit. This lady, she used to dress like Steve Jobs. She wore a black turtleneck and everything. And I saw her speak once.

Joey Diaz 16:13 Oh.

Narrator 16:13 No.

Joe Rogan 16:13 Here it goes.

Narrator 16:14 Nah, just...

Joe Rogan 16:14 "Elizabeth Holmes indicted on fraud." Oh, the... They got you with the fucking pop-up ad, New York T-... There she is.

Joey Diaz 16:21 Oh.

Joe Rogan 16:21 She's going to jail. She's fucked.

Joey Diaz 16:25 Oh, I want-

Joe Rogan 16:26 But she was, she was, at one point in time, the richest self-made person in the world. The richest self-made woman in the world. She was worth billions of dollars.

Joey Diaz 16:36 The shit people do.

Joe Rogan 16:38 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 16:38 I watched that thing the other day on Crazy Eddie. Do you remember Crazy Eddie when he w-

Joe Rogan 16:41 Yeah. Crazy Eddie. "His prices are insane." (laughs)

Joey Diaz 16:44 Did you know what Crazy Eddie did? He was-

Joe Rogan 16:45 Well, tell everybody who Crazy Eddie was.

Joey Diaz 16:47 Crazy Eddie was a guy that had stores in all five boroughs of New York, wholesale outlets for stereos-

Joe Rogan 16:53 TDs.

Joey Diaz 16:54 ... TVs and everything like that. I saw... I was watching MSNBC, uh, Greed. They have a series called Greed.

Joe Rogan 17:00 There he is. (laughs) Give us... Let me hear this motherfucker.

Narrator 17:03 ... video games, TVs, VCRs, stereo systems, telephones, telephone answering machines, anything and everything in home entertainment and watching home appliances too. (upbeat music) Remember, we are not undersold, we will not be undersold, we cannot be undersold, and we mean it. Santa knows that the best deals in town are at Crazy Eddie's during Crazy Eddie's Christmas Blowout Blitz. See Crazy Eddie now. His prices are insane. (upbeat music)

Joe Rogan 17:23 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 17:23 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 17:24 He's, he's wearing a Santa Claus outfit. He's going fucking crazy with fake snow in the background.

Joey Diaz 17:29 He fucking-

Narrator 17:31 Oh.

Joey Diaz 17:32 ... like, just this... Like, he, like, hit it out of the park.

Joe Rogan 17:35 Didn't he go to Israel? Did he, like, flee?

Joey Diaz 17:36 He went to Israel to hide, to flee.

Joe Rogan 17:38 Okay.

Joey Diaz 17:38 But the most brilliant thing he did was he took... You know, don't, don't fucking... You know, check, fact me on this. He took either his nephew, his son-in-law, somebody that he was related to through blood, put them through college so he could get a job at the IRS so they could figure out how to rob from the IRS.

Joe Rogan 17:59 (laughs)

Narrator 18:00 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 18:00 This is how fucking insane this guy was.

Joe Rogan 18:03 Oh.

Joey Diaz 18:03 I'm watching this diet-

Joe Rogan 18:05 Oh. (laughs)

Joey Diaz 18:05 ... and how they got Crazy Eddie-

Joe Rogan 18:07 Oh my God.

Joey Diaz 18:07 Right. Crazy Eddie fled after he started just buying boxes-... you know how you... Remember years ago, you- you'd be driving i- in New York, and there was some guy selling stereo speakers?

Joe Rogan 18:18 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 18:18 And then you'd take them home, and it was two bricks?

Joe Rogan 18:20 Yep.

Joey Diaz 18:21 Well, he did the same thing to investors. He took boxes, filled them up with bricks, and just stocked them in a warehouse. And then he went public, so he got everybody to come down and look at all his inventory and all these fact checkers. They're checking boxes with bricks in them.

Joe Rogan 18:37 Whoa.

Joey Diaz 18:38 And he had, I mean, five fucking warehouses all around. They were all fake, and he got all this money. He fled to Israel, and he fled for a while, but they knew he was a pussy hound.

Joe Rogan 18:48 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 18:50 Right? So they got him like Escobar-

Joe Rogan 18:52 (gasps)

Joey Diaz 18:52 ... style. They got him like, you know, on the phone like, "I'm going to the store," something crazy. And what they did was they put a blonde on the side of the road with a, with a miniskirt, and they knew eventually he would drive by and stop.

Joe Rogan 19:05 No.

Joey Diaz 19:05 And he stopped.

Joe Rogan 19:08 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 19:09 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 19:10 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 19:10 That's how they nailed him.

Joe Rogan 19:11 What is the... Did you Google the ric- the richest women in the world?

Narrator 19:14 Oh, yeah, I have that.

Joe Rogan 19:14 Where they got their money from?

Narrator 19:16 Oh, man. I got caught up in Crazy Eddie. Hold on.

Joe Rogan 19:18 His prices are insane.

Joey Diaz 19:19 Crazy Eddie's a- he's a bad motherfucker though. Paramus, Syosset, Queens, Long Island.

Joe Rogan 19:24 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 19:24 Come now! And he had commercials. He, he was the first one that pushed the commercial barrier. Like-

Joe Rogan 19:31 Yeah, he made fun commercials.

Joey Diaz 19:32 There was Imus and him. Like Imus had the pimp with a bunch of his hos that would go, "Did you hear what my man said this morning?"

Joe Rogan 19:41 Oh, really?

Joey Diaz 19:42 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 19:42 I haven't ha-

Joey Diaz 19:42 And he had a bunch of those. Crazy Eddie had the best one. He had Frankenstein, Dracula, and the Wolf Man peeing at the, peeing at the men's urinal.

Joe Rogan 19:51 I miss the Imus thing because I came in l- like I remember, uh, I found out about Imus because Howard Stern was talking shit about him, and I was like, "Who is this Imus guy?"

Joey Diaz 20:01 Imus was around when I was a kid.

Joe Rogan 20:02 Yeah, it was way... I, I got in way late.

Joey Diaz 20:05 Imus was, when I was like... Imus was already-

Joe Rogan 20:06 He was already real old.

Joey Diaz 20:06 Imus was the fucking king of New York when I was eight, nine. Imus would come on in the morning and talk shit.

Joe Rogan 20:14 When I saw him, he was wearing like a turquoise, one of those, uh, weird ties, those bolo ties that like cowboys wear, and he had a fucking cowboy hat on. And his whole studio was done like, uh, well, like the West. It was real weird.

Joey Diaz 20:30 Yeah, he got weird at the end. He pulled it-

Joe Rogan 20:32 But it was really... He's wearing cowboy boots and shit. It was like, "Are you a rancher?"

Joey Diaz 20:35 Yeah, yeah. He got weird at the end.

Joe Rogan 20:36 You're doing a fucking AM radio show from New York City. Like what is this?

Joey Diaz 20:39 Poor Imus got fucked up, and they were paying him. I mean, he was on for a while.

Joe Rogan 20:43 Remember he said nappy headed hoes, and they're like, "Cut."

Joey Diaz 20:46 That's it. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 20:46 That was it. He called people nappy headed hoes.

Joey Diaz 20:49 Well, he tried to compete with Stern, right? That's what it was. There wasn't something at the end.

Joe Rogan 20:52 It was definitely some of that.

Joey Diaz 20:54 Something of that.

Joe Rogan 20:54 But he was, you know, he was trying to be outrageous even before Stern, I believe. It just wasn't at the same level. Stern's outrageousness was nationwide, but Imus was really like an East Coast thing. Like people knew about him in New York. I never heard about him in New York or in Boston rather.

Joey Diaz 21:12 In Boston, no.

Joe Rogan 21:12 But I had heard about Stern. We all knew about Stern, but nobody, nobody really knew about... Like it never made it there, you know? And then when I came to New York, it was at the end, like when Stern was already the king and Imus was just sort of like this guy that he hated. And I was like, "Who is this I-man?" Like, "Who is this Imus guy?" And then they had a TV show for a while, and then during the TV show, we'd see him in the studio, and it was, you know, no disrespect, but it was really fucking boring. It was boring. Like there, there was no life to them, like their opinions weren't that interesting. It was him, and then there was another guy there that looked like he was just waiting for the fucking buzzer to ring.

Joey Diaz 21:48 Yeah, he was just... Yeah, no. No, no, no.

Joe Rogan 21:49 He's waiting to go home, and then there was a woman that was with him. It was, it was... There was no life in the room. Like you watch The Stern Show, there'd be midgets shooting bottle rockets out of their assholes and porn stars riding dildos, and it was chaos. There was plastic all over the ground because the girls would be squirting. It was just madness. Like no one had ever done... Not that that's good or bad, but it was, it was exciting. Like you're, you're driving to work in the morning. You're hearing some girl freaking out because she's riding on some fucking s- (clears throat) that Sybian thing he'd make girls ride on. And like that w- it was madness. So like that, that... Like you had never heard anything like that on the radio before. So then you would hear about Imus and Imus like, "Well, what have we got here this morning? Oh, just nappy headed hoes. (laughs) Like what?"

Joey Diaz 22:32 Yeah, he tried to just be at the end.

Joe Rogan 22:34 It was just... It was... In comparison, it was so... It was dead. It was like, it was dry.

Joey Diaz 22:40 Kenison on Stern was great.

Joe Rogan 22:41 Oh my God, he was amazing.

Joey Diaz 22:42 Fucking Flavor Flav the one time on Stern. I mean, there's so many great Sterns.

Joe Rogan 22:47 Yeah. Dude-

Joey Diaz 22:47 Artie was so great back then.

Joe Rogan 22:49 Artie was the best back then, man.

Joey Diaz 22:50 Artie was fucking ama... If you listen to an old Artie when, when he had just gotten off the subway, he just shot heroin god knows where.

Joe Rogan 23:00 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 23:00 He'd had sunglasses on.

Joe Rogan 23:01 Yeah, he'd fall asleep.

Joey Diaz 23:02 That shit was fucking insane.

Joe Rogan 23:05 And he said like that they encouraged him, you know, but, ah man, what are you gonna do when a guy's like that? You gonna help him? If you help... The problem with people that are that fucked up is the only thing that ever helps them is themselves. The only thing. It's like they have to hit rock bottom, and then they have to decide they're gonna, they're gonna do something about it. But when you do get a lot of love for being fucked up, that is kind of a problem because you, you do start to think, "This is my thing. My thing is being a fucked up guy. People love me when I'm fucked up. This is what I do." You know? And you can fall into that.

Joey Diaz 23:44 P- Belushi had the same problem.

Joe Rogan 23:46 Yep, yep.

Joey Diaz 23:46 The other guy, God rest his soul, had the same problem. There's a niche you fall into. I remember there was a pizza parlor when I was a kid. His name was Nick the Greek. Fucking tremendous pizza. Even though he was Greek, like we let it slide. He put the Sicilian by the window, and it, it was... The flies would land on it. It was like the airport for the flies. They would land... We would break his balls, Nick. But I remember I went in on a Quaalude one night, fucked up to the gills with vomit all over my shirt, and every time he'd see me, he'd call me fucking Belushi.... that's when Belushi almost died. It was... And he would ev- For years he called me Fucking Belushi. And there was another kid who had a beard and he'd call him Ayatollah Khomeini. Like, he had nicknames for us, but that's a weird... It bothered me after a while. He would call me Belushi. And when Belushi died, it really started bothering me. Like, am I next? He would call me Belushi to my face, "Look who it is, Fucking Belushi."

Joe Rogan 24:40 Whoa.

Joey Diaz 24:41 I was fucked up.

Joe Rogan 24:43 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 24:43 I went in there one night on a Quaalude and opened up the red pepper and threw it at him.

Joe Rogan 24:47 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 24:48 And... But I used to sell him jewelry. Like, I would sell him stolen jew- Me and Nick were tight. Nick was the pizza parlor 50 yards from the high school. And you could run a tab with Nick. And Nick used to... I used to give Nick jewelry and he would look at me and he would go, "Speak, how much do you think that's worth?" 'Cause jewelry was $800 an ounce at that time, gold. And I would bring him jewelry. He would look at it and then take it, give me money, and put it in one of his pockets from his-

Joe Rogan 25:16 His apron?

Joey Diaz 25:16 ... the fucking apron. So two days later I'd go in there and go, "Nick, let me use your bathroom." And I'd go in there and stick my hand in the apron and take the jewelry back.

Joe Rogan 25:23 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 25:24 And then a week later I'd go back to him, "Nick, how much for the ring?" And he'd look at me and he was racist as fuck. Like, he would either call me Belushi or Spic to my face like it didn't matter.

Joe Rogan 25:36 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 25:37 There was a kid... You know, this is on Kennedy Boulevard, this is a big boulevard. And there was a kid that would come in there, and I'm still dear friends with, that his family had money. And he would go in there and buy a slice of pizza, but he would cross the street because the iced tea across the street was a dime cheaper. Remember when iced tea came in those fucking cardboard, milk cardboards?

Joe Rogan 25:57 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 25:58 He would always cross the street. So Nick would be having a conversation with us like, "What's going on?" And all of a sudden he'd go, "What's..." And we'd go, "He went across the street to get the iced tea." He would fucking flip out. He'd run from behind the counter, run onto Kennedy Boulevard, hundreds of people would be out there and I, I... He'd yell at the kid, "Tony, you fucking Jew!"

Joe Rogan 26:19 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 26:20 You... "Fuck you, fucking Jew!" The kid wasn't Jewish. He was Italian. He was just cheap and shit like that, that's it.

Joe Rogan 26:27 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 26:27 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 26:27 10 cents. That... You gotta be pretty cheap to run across the street for 10 cents.

Joey Diaz 26:31 It was 45 cents for the iced tea, but at Hashway's it was 35 cents.

Joe Rogan 26:35 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 26:36 And he would run across the street. Then the Hashway's Deli was great because the mother was losing their hair. So every time you got a sandwich, you get a little piece of hair in your food.

Joe Rogan 26:45 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 26:45 And so you'd get... You wouldn't get hair, you'd go, "Mrs. Hash, you didn't give anyone no hair today."

Joe Rogan 26:48 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 26:48 Everything had a little piece of her hair in it.

Joe Rogan 26:50 Oh, Jesus Christ.

Joey Diaz 26:50 The macaroni salad. And you ate it.

Joe Rogan 26:53 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 26:53 Who gave a fuck? It was tremendous.

Joe Rogan 26:55 Oh.

Joey Diaz 26:55 She made the best roast beef on rye in the world. But every... No, in fact, the whole family, the... Her and her son were losing their hair. And I learned from her son, like her son was losing his hair, but he couldn't control his emotions about it. He went to everything, Joe. He did the fucking stitches. He would spray paint his hair. He was one of those guys. The hat... Like, he tried, but the head just kept falling out. He had the, uh, male pattern whatever. We were kids.

Joe Rogan 27:23 But the, the mom had it too.

Joey Diaz 27:25 The mom had it.

Joe Rogan 27:26 Maybe it was something in the house.

Joey Diaz 27:27 It... I don't know what it was.

Joe Rogan 27:28 Fucking nuclear testing.

Joey Diaz 27:29 And the dad had it and the brother had it, and fucking everything you got there had a little piece of hair on it. I dug-

Joe Rogan 27:35 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 27:35 Whatever you got always had a hair.

Joe Rogan 27:37 (gasps)

Joey Diaz 27:38 If you didn't get hair, you were, like, beat. You're like, "Mrs. Hash, what's up?"

Joe Rogan 27:41 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 27:41 "No hair today."

Joe Rogan 27:43 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 27:43 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 27:43 Did you say it to her face?

Joey Diaz 27:44 Oh, we used to torture her all the time.

Joe Rogan 27:46 Oh, no.

Joey Diaz 27:46 We loved Mrs. Hash. I miss Mrs. Hash.

Joe Rogan 27:47 There's something about a la- A dude wearing... Losing his hair, it's bu- It's fucking devastating. But a woman losing her hair, way more devastating. There's something about a woman, woman... Women losing their hair, it kills them.

Joey Diaz 27:59 Really?

Joe Rogan 27:59 Oh, it's so sad. Yeah. So I've seen women lose their hair. It's, it's awful. You know, they get alopecia. You know, alopecia is weird, like you could lose your eyebrows. You know, people lose their eyebrows. They lose, like... Sometimes shit just starts falling off.

Joey Diaz 28:13 I had a... There's a singer, there's a popular singer in a band and he's got alopecia. And I just saw it, they busted him out, it's 30 years later. You didn't know? That was a wig even then.

Joe Rogan 28:23 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 28:23 And I knew about him growing up that he would just lose his hair, you know, from time to time.

Joe Rogan 28:28 Some guys lose their eyelashes, they lose everything.

Joey Diaz 28:31 That's fucked up when you lose your eyelashes.

Joe Rogan 28:32 It's crazy. Yeah.

Joey Diaz 28:33 And I'm getting older, like my hairline is receding, but my eye line's getting bushier.

Joe Rogan 28:38 (laughs) Yeah, your eyebrows.

Joey Diaz 28:40 Eyebrows.

Joe Rogan 28:40 You get some crazy eyebrows.

Joey Diaz 28:41 Bro, they're getting bushier as shit.

Joe Rogan 28:44 Yeah, it's weird.

Joey Diaz 28:44 Sometimes I'm driving at night and there's something in my vision-

Joe Rogan 28:47 (laughs) You drive with an eyebrow.

Joey Diaz 28:47 ... and I gotta go home and I gotta fucking chop an eyebrow.

Joe Rogan 28:50 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 28:50 It's like a satellite. I go... And I ask my wife, "Don't you see this shit?"

Joe Rogan 28:54 Yeah, old guys, it's like old Scottish guys, old Irish guys, Scottish guys, they get fucking caterpillars growing out of their eyebrows.

Joey Diaz 29:02 No, I got no hair on my legs. I got minimal hair on my shoulders. I got no hair on my back. I'm one of those guys.

Joe Rogan 29:07 Yeah, you don't have any hair on your arms or anything either.

Joey Diaz 29:09 Nothing. Nothing. I got hair that grows out of my ears. There's times I stuck a Q-tip in my ear and I can hear the hair twisting-

Joe Rogan 29:16 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 29:16 ... in my fucking ear. You know what that's like? My eyebrows, bro, get bushy as fuck. I gotta bring scissors with me on the road to trim mine 'cause... In your, in your mirror at home you don't see this shit.

Joe Rogan 29:27 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 29:28 Until you get on the road with light and a hotel room-

Joe Rogan 29:31 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 29:31 ... and you're like, "Look at this fucking hair growing out of my nose."

Joe Rogan 29:34 (laughs) Did you find about the women with the mo- the investments?

Narrator 29:37 Yeah, I was waiting to, uh...

Joe Rogan 29:38 Oh, okay, good.

Narrator 29:39 It was from, uh, Newsweek in July.

Joe Rogan 29:41 Okay. What does it say?

Narrator 29:42 It's, uh, like right here. It's-

Joe Rogan 29:44 Mm-hmm. "Upper echelons of money and power," blah, blah, blah. "According to Forbes," (clears throat) "the world's 15 wealthiest people are men. Women only make up 10% of the top 100 separate wealthiest women in the world. Most of their money comes from their male relatives or husbands."

Joey Diaz 30:01 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 30:02 "The top 10 wealthiest men made their fortunes themselves."

Joey Diaz 30:05 Now, who are the top 10 wealthiest women that didn't get it from divorce?

Joe Rogan 30:09 Oh, here the girl though.

Joey Diaz 30:09 Oprah's got to be up there.

Joe Rogan 30:10 Hold on a second. Yeah, she's up there. The first self-made woman on the list is... Wow, I don't know how to say this woman's name. Z-H-O-U, that's one word...... Q-U-N-F-E-I, Zhou Qunfei, who was born to a poor family in China, dropped out of school at 16. She went on to found an enormously successful technology company. Uh, but if you put men back into the equation, she's only the 198th richest person in the world. Hmm.

Joey Diaz 30:42 Okay.

Joe Rogan 30:42 "No matter how you feel about the concept of a few people hoarding enormous wealth, the notion that women can only access money and power through their families or husbands seems medieval at best, yet we see it occur at the very top of many professions outside of the business world." (coughs) Yeah, it's, um, most people.

Joey Diaz 31:01 Can you read the next stuff-

Joe Rogan 31:02 Yeah. A recent-

Joey Diaz 31:04 ... about Hillary Clinton?

Joe Rogan 31:04 "... High profile example is Hillary Clinton. During her presidential campaign, the first female major party nominee, she campaigned on a ticket of empowerment. Yet, although she is accomplished in her own right, she entered politics as the wife of Bill Clinton and has undoubtedly benefited from his prestige and connections." Yeah. Well, that's true, but she also was a lawyer.

Joey Diaz 31:24 I just, I thought, I thought it was about money.

Joe Rogan 31:25 (coughs)

Joey Diaz 31:25 I didn't mean for you to read that there.

Joe Rogan 31:26 She was a lawyer and a, you know, she was a senator.

Joey Diaz 31:29 Now O- Oprah's up there as the-

Joe Rogan 31:31 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 31:31 ... world's richest women, period. Like, uh, that made it on their own.

Joe Rogan 31:34 See, that's a weird thing, because they're saying... I'm not a big fan of Hillary Clinton, but by saying... She definitely entered because she was, you know, she was married to him, but she was a lawyer. I mean, she's, she's an accomplished person. She's, she's educated, accomplished, she was a senator. I don't think that makes sense.

Joey Diaz 31:53 I hate when people say some shit like that, "You know what? You were at the right place at the right time, bitch. And you jumped.

Joe Rogan 32:00 Yes.

Joey Diaz 32:00 "And you jumped."

Joe Rogan 32:01 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 32:02 "You jumped, bitch. So that's the problem. I'm not mad at nobody." You can't say she got into b- yeah, she may be a little help, a push here, a call here, but she jumped.

Joe Rogan 32:11 There's a great book I'm reading right now, it's called Outliers by Malcolm McDowell. It's fucking great and it's all about what makes people successful and why they were successful, and there are a lot of factors, man. There's a lot of factors, when you were born, like what, like a lot of it, he, he, he goes on about hockey players, about professional hockey players, that almost all of them were born at a certain time so that they were at the end of the age cut off. So like say if, you know, you're between 10 and 11 when you go into, what is that, fifth grade? You are, if you're one of the oldest kids, you have a way better chance at being successful at hockey because your body's more mature than whether you're one of the youngest kids that goes into sixth grade. So whether you're fifth grade or sixth grade, like what year you were born is a big factor. So the kids that were born later, so that they're older rather, the kids that, that are older when they enter into the fifth grade or sixth grade, they're, uh, like across the board, unanimously, all the top level professionals were all older kids in younger grades. So that they're playing against smaller kids, they get more time, they, they're better, so they get more coaching, they get more hours playing. There's a lot of factors. There's a lot of factors and like one of the things about Bill Gates that there was, it's a good, there's a whole great chapter on Bill Gates and about when Bill Gates was young, the school that he went to had a computer class that, uh, allowed him to do coding and then he got into the University of Washington. They would let him get into their, their computer room from 3:00 AM to 6:00 AM, they had this open block. So him and his friends would sneak into that place at 3:00 in the morning. So all these, all these different factors that lead to someone being like super successful. It's not just that you work hard, it's sometimes you get these weird advantages in life. There's a bunch of things, like, for sure hard work plays a factor. If you don't do nothing, you just sit around and, and woe is me and cry and think the world's fucked, you're not going anywhere. But the people that make it to the very top, the Bill Gates, the Steve Jobs, they have a bunch of things going for them. It's not just hard work. It's also circumstance, fortune, where they are, what, you know, who's around them, who, who, who encourages them, there's, there's a bunch of... And what time they were born and what, you know, what age they were when certain things happened in the world. There's a bunch of factors. But for all those chicks, it's just marrying the right dude. (laughs)

Joey Diaz 34:49 No, I-

Joe Rogan 34:49 Getting divorced. Getting paid. I know a lady who, uh, just got p- p- p- p- p- p- paid from a divorce and she's just shooting shit into her face and banging 20-year-olds now. It's hilarious. She's in her late 40s, banging 20-year-old dudes. (laughs)

Joey Diaz 35:07 How rough must that must be to cut-

Joe Rogan 35:09 It's funny, man.

Joey Diaz 35:10 ... to cut that check? I know a-

Joe Rogan 35:13 For the guy?

Joey Diaz 35:14 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 35:14 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 35:14 That shit's so hard.

Joe Rogan 35:15 It's rough. I've, I've known guys. I knew a guy who, uh, he cut a check for somewhere in the neighborhood of $50 million. Yeah. To his ex.

Joey Diaz 35:24 I know a guy who cuts a check for 30 grand a month, G. 30 grand a month, he still writes a check.

Joe Rogan 35:32 Oh, I know a couple of guys who pay that.

Joey Diaz 35:34 And that, and that was, that was not beside the half million upfront.

Joe Rogan 35:39 Oh, yeah.

Joey Diaz 35:39 A house.

Joe Rogan 35:40 Yep.

Joey Diaz 35:41 Two cars.

Joe Rogan 35:42 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 35:42 Like he just walked away.

Joe Rogan 35:44 I know a guy who's paying close to that and he hasn't even seen his wife. He's been married to a new woman, a different woman for 14 years. At least, yeah, 14 years and he was only married to that lady for 12. And he's still cutting her checks and no kids. He's got kids with the new woman. The old woman, no kids, still cutting her fat checks. Tries to bring it to court, try to reduce the amount of money, she fights him tooth and nail. "You son of a bitch, you left me." He left her 14 fucking years ago, man. They were only together for 12 years. It's like she doesn't wanna work. He, it's... He fucked her so hard she can't work anymore.... it's crazy. If it was a man, if the situation was reversed and the guy was dating a girl, and they were dating for 12 years and she was like, "I'm tired of this. I'm going to go fuck some new dude." And the guy took her to court, got money from her and wanted money still 14 years later. What kind of a fucking man would that be? Like get a job. Go do something with your life. You are a human being. You met another human being, you spent some time with them, they don't want to be with you anymore, it's over. Like (slaps table) this, there's no, there's no children-

Joey Diaz 36:58 Now, what are you going to-

Joe Rogan 36:58 ... to take care of.

Joey Diaz 36:58 ... What do you tell the judge? That you want your lifestyle, right?

Joe Rogan 37:01 Yes.

Joey Diaz 37:01 The lifestyle that you were accustomed to.

Joe Rogan 37:02 I want to maintain my lifestyle, Judge. I like to buy nice purses. I like to walk my little dog. I like to put him in a little, a little purse.

Joey Diaz 37:09 Now, in California there's different factors also. You have to be with that person for 10 years or something, right?

Joe Rogan 37:15 Uh, this, this-

Joey Diaz 37:15 There's little factors-

Joe Rogan 37:16 ... yeah.

Joey Diaz 37:16 ... There's a couple by the ways.

Joe Rogan 37:18 There's, there's factors and they change, you know, depending upon the laws and they ch- they change depending upon how much money you make. And, you know, this, my friend was pretty wealthy. He did well. But the guy who I know that had to pay $50 million, he's real successful, obviously. That, I mean, you got to make a lot of money to give your wife $50 million. But he still had to give her $50 million.

Joey Diaz 37:37 I see the ki- listen, I see the kid point.

Joe Rogan 37:39 Five zero, baby. (laughs)

Joey Diaz 37:40 I see the, I see the child support point.

Narrator 37:43 Here's the list.

Joey Diaz 37:43 And I see a little bit o- of help.

Joe Rogan 37:46 There's the list.

Narrator 37:47 Here's the unique one.

Joe Rogan 37:48 Oh. Madonna's divorce from Guy Ritchie, estimated $76 to $92 million.

Joey Diaz 37:55 (gasps) .

Joe Rogan 37:55 He had, she had to give him?

Narrator 37:57 That's, I mean, she's the first woman listed first on this.

Joe Rogan 37:59 Damn. She had to give him $76 million? Way to go-

Joey Diaz 38:03 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 38:03 ... Guy Ritchie. I'd like to have him back here. Now I know how buy those suits, motherfucker.

Joey Diaz 38:08 Now what's his name pays the singer from Bush.

Joe Rogan 38:11 Look at this. Michael Jordan's divorce from Juanita Jordan, $168 million.

Narrator 38:18 (whistles)

Joe Rogan 38:18 (gasps) .

Joey Diaz 38:19 Mel Gibson's divorce in 2006 after 26 years-

Narrator 38:22 $425 million.

Joe Rogan 38:24 God damn. (paper rustles)

Joey Diaz 38:26 Sh-

Joe Rogan 38:26 Stop scrolling. Look at this. Jesus Christ. Steve Wynn's divorce, 2010 (gasps) , $1 billion. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness, Steve Wynn, $1 billion. Rupert Murdoch's divorce in 1990, in 1999 after 31 years of marriage, $1.7 billion.

Joey Diaz 38:50 Neil Diamond, $150.

Joe Rogan 38:53 (clears throat)

Joey Diaz 38:53 Harrison Ford, $118 million.

Joe Rogan 38:56 Whoa. Harrison Ford had to give up the cheddar.

Joey Diaz 38:59 Steven Spielberg, $100 million.

Joe Rogan 39:02 I remember that one. That g- that girl was an actress and she fucking vanished. (blows air)

Joey Diaz 39:08 Kevin Costner, $80 million.

Joe Rogan 39:09 James Cameron, Linda Hamilton, $50 million. Michael Douglas.

Joey Diaz 39:14 Paul McCartney. That's the chick that was missing the leg, right?

Joe Rogan 39:17 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 39:17 Heather Mills.

Joe Rogan 39:18 That's a dark one, man.

Joey Diaz 39:19 That's a dark one there.

Joe Rogan 39:19 That woman was mean. She was nasty, man. There's a lot of them. Mick Jagger, $15 million, $25 million, and he got off light.

Joey Diaz 39:29 Bro, Mick Jagger, because remember he fucking married in Jamaica and th- it was like a Puerto Rican priest-

Joe Rogan 39:35 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 39:35 ... on his day off. So he knew it going in, because Mick Jagger ain't giving you dick.

Joe Rogan 39:40 I think that was-

Joey Diaz 39:40 We had this discussion.

Joe Rogan 39:42 ... Jerry Hall. I think that was Jerry Hall.

Joey Diaz 39:43 Who's that one?

Joe Rogan 39:43 I think that was wife number two.

Joey Diaz 39:44 Who's this one?

Joe Rogan 39:45 That's Bianca Jagger.

Joey Diaz 39:46 The first one.

Joe Rogan 39:47 The first one.

Joey Diaz 39:47 Yeah, he don't gi-

Joe Rogan 39:48 The first one he, he had to pay. The second one he's like, "Listen, we're gonna work around this one." (laughs)

Joey Diaz 39:53 Oh, yeah. He don't fuck around. That guy (instrumental music plays) he, before he was in-

Joe Rogan 39:56 (laughs) .

Joey Diaz 39:56 ... in the Stones, w- j- Jamie, what's the school he went to? He went... Don't make me say something wrong. He went to the School of Whales or something for business.

Joe Rogan 40:06 Ah.

Joey Diaz 40:06 He's all about the cheddar. He's, for the last 15 years he's just been impregnating women all over-

Joe Rogan 40:11 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 40:12 ... the country and cutting them a check and saying-

Narrator 40:14 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 40:14 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 40:14 ... you know. He just-

Narrator 40:15 London School of Economics.

Joe Rogan 40:17 Oh.

Joey Diaz 40:17 Yeah. No, no, no, no.

Narrator 40:18 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 40:18 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 40:19 Listen, when it comes to... Bro, when it comes to LaMe- there's stories that you hear that you're like, "No he didn't." Like, "No, he did not."

Narrator 40:28 What a drag it is getting old.

Joey Diaz 40:30 Getting old. Do you see him, do you ever see him-

Narrator 40:33 Da, da, dam. Da, da, dam.

Joey Diaz 40:33 Joe Rogan, do you ever see any of his rehearsal things? Do you ever see any of his vid- do you follow him at all?

Joe Rogan 40:39 I follow him, yeah.

Joey Diaz 40:40 Do you see any of the videos that he does of him working out in the afternoons at 72 years old?

Joe Rogan 40:45 Oh, he works out hard, man. Hard.

Joey Diaz 40:46 Like him dancing still like Michael Jackson-

Joe Rogan 40:48 Works out twice a day.

Joey Diaz 40:49 ... and all that stuff? That guy does not fuck around.

Joe Rogan 40:51 No.

Joey Diaz 40:52 And I still remember one particular story where he got to Boulder. They played the, where the Boulder Buffalo with the, with the college players. And he walked in and he goes, "What's wrong with those seats?" And they were like, "Well, Mr. Jagger, they're behind the stage." "Bitch, you better get to selling 'cause I ain't taking the stage until those motherfuckers are sold out."

Joe Rogan 41:11 He sold the t- the tickets behind the stage? (laughs)

Joey Diaz 41:14 Mick Jagger's brutal.

Narrator 41:15 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 41:15 They can pay for my ass.

Joe Rogan 41:17 (laughs)

Narrator 41:18 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 41:18 They can pay for my ass. Mick Jagger's brutal, bro. He's brutal.

Joe Rogan 41:22 And that was back before they had those giant screens. There was no giant TV screens.

Joey Diaz 41:25 This is, this is '88.

Joe Rogan 41:27 They didn't have those giant screens back then.

Joey Diaz 41:28 This is '88, '87. They don't give a fuck.

Joe Rogan 41:31 They didn't have those big LCDs where you could see the-

Joey Diaz 41:33 No.

Joe Rogan 41:33 ... like if you go see like say Drake and he's at a theater in a round and like you see his butt-

Joey Diaz 41:39 Right.

Joe Rogan 41:39 ... uh, you're gonna see his face on giant screens all around you. You'll see it, you know. If- if you, you go to see like a real popular person and there- they're, a lot of people are playing in the round, you know.

Joey Diaz 41:51 Mick Jagger's an interesting guy. I don't think he, he's like very tight, watches his gitis.

Joe Rogan 41:57 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 41:58 Tight, you know. He's just like tight.

Joe Rogan 42:00 How much time does he have left though? I mean, he's like 76, right?

Joey Diaz 42:04 No, 72 maybe.

Narrator 42:06 72?

Joey Diaz 42:07 72? Bro.

Narrator 42:09 75.

Joe Rogan 42:09 75.

Narrator 42:09 Yeah, yeah. Yep, yep.

Joe Rogan 42:10 He's like 75. How much time you got left?

Joey Diaz 42:13 If he keeps-

Joe Rogan 42:13 If you're lucky, everything goes great, you got 25 years. But those last 25 are rough.

Joey Diaz 42:20 Not with what he's got, because he could just lay there all day, have young girls massage him.

Joe Rogan 42:25 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 42:25 He's Mick Jagger, dog.... they can just blow on his little nut sack-

Joe Rogan 42:29 (coughs)

Joey Diaz 42:29 ... and sing fucking...

Joe Rogan 42:30 He's probably getting blood transfusions every day.

Joey Diaz 42:33 Yeah. No. He takes good care. He's the backbone of the organ-

Joe Rogan 42:36 Yeah. Look at him.

Joey Diaz 42:36 Look at him. He's the backbone of the organization. And just to think that Keith Richards is still alive and kicking, and there's people out there doing CrossFit.

Joe Rogan 42:44 And didn't Keith Richards write a book where he's kind of shitty about Mick Jagger?

Joey Diaz 42:49 He just told, uh, you know-

Joe Rogan 42:51 But they kinda talk shit about each other, right?

Joey Diaz 42:53 The... That's how they sell books, dog.

Joe Rogan 42:55 Yeah. I know.

Joey Diaz 42:55 That's how they sell. Mick, Mick Jagger probably called him and said, "Do this to this guy."

Joe Rogan 42:59 "Tell the truth. Fuck it. Give me 10%."

Joey Diaz 43:03 And when they, when... I mean, when I used to watch those little rehearsal tapes.

Joe Rogan 43:07 Look at, look at, look at-

Joey Diaz 43:08 Look at him.

Joe Rogan 43:08 ... his fingers. Look at those fingers. We're, we're looking at, uh, Keith Richards-

Joey Diaz 43:14 Keith Richards.

Joe Rogan 43:15 ... Keith Richards' fingers is... Every knuckle is swollen to the point it's, like, double the size. He looks like he's got Megaton Diaz's hands. He's like a, like a jujitsu guy. You ever seen Megaton Diaz's hands?

Joey Diaz 43:27 Yeah. They're big fucking hands.

Joe Rogan 43:29 Mackenzie Dern's dad. The girl who wrote the... Made that video.

Joey Diaz 43:33 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 43:33 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 43:33 I like that.

Joe Rogan 43:34 She's making fun of you. It's hilarious. (laughs)

Joey Diaz 43:35 I like that. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 43:36 You have to... But her dad, Megaton Diaz, who's a jujitsu legend, all his life he's done the gi. Guys who do the gi all the time, they develop real bad arthritis in their hands and their joints swell up like crazy. See if you find Megaton Diaz's hands. That's not a good picture. That's... But there, there's some pictures of his, his knuckles. They're, they're, they're crazy. They're all fucked up and twisted, like... Yeah. These... You can tell a little bit there. There you go. Zoom in on his knuckles.

Joey Diaz 44:05 I didn't know he was Mackenzie Dern's dad.

Joe Rogan 44:06 Yeah. Her dad is a fucking legend. Look. Go... Zoom in on his hands. That's as much as I could go. Oh, that's as much as it goes? But you see, see how fucking flamed out those knuckles are? Guys who've done the gi their whole life and they're always grabbing and holding onto that gi, they get that. It's not that one. Yeah. It's okay. We get the point. But that, that's what Keith Richards' fingers look like, like he's secretly doing jujitsu on the sly. (laughs)

Joey Diaz 44:32 But that's 40 years of playing the guitar.

Joe Rogan 44:33 Look at those fucking fingers, man.

Joey Diaz 44:35 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 44:35 That is crazy.

Joey Diaz 44:37 That's guitar playing, 40 years, 50 years.

Joe Rogan 44:39 Meanwhile, he looks just as good as Mick Jagger. He's doing blow every day, eating cockroaches, smoking cigarettes. (laughs)

Joey Diaz 44:45 I don't think he looks as good as Mick Jagger.

Joe Rogan 44:46 Look at... They look great.

Joey Diaz 44:47 I don't think he looks as... I think Mick Jagger looks fucking sensational.

Joe Rogan 44:52 But he doesn't in the face. If you look at the two of them in the face, he's coo-... Get... Make that picture bigger, Jimmy. Look at them in the face. Mick Jagger looks older, but that's just... It's hard to tell because Keith Richards is smiling.

Joey Diaz 45:03 Bill, we should go... I would love to see Mick Jagger still pull 21-year-olds out of the audience.

Joe Rogan 45:09 I bet they feel so weird when he fucks them. It must feel so weird. Like, you wanna do it. Like, if I was a girl, I was 20 years old, I would fuck Mick Jagger just for the story. But when he climbs on top of you and you smell death, you smell it coming out of his pores. Ah...

Joey Diaz 45:26 He's not...

Joe Rogan 45:28 Ah...

Joey Diaz 45:28 He's just old. He's a bad motherf-

Joe Rogan 45:31 He just... Just bad cells.

Joey Diaz 45:31 ... the fuck-

Joe Rogan 45:32 You smell misfiring cells all over the place.

Joey Diaz 45:34 Listen, when we were growing up, bro, 70-year-old people didn't look like that. 70-year-old people-

Joe Rogan 45:38 No.

Joey Diaz 45:38 ... were not going on the road.

Joe Rogan 45:40 They weren't dancing like that.

Joey Diaz 45:41 And they weren't touring like that. That's something that you have to... And this is a new thing.

Joe Rogan 45:46 And this is a new... You have to d-... You know what-

Joey Diaz 45:46 Well, it's discipline. It's a new th-... All these band-... First of all, all these bands that are going on are in their 60s. Ozzy... How about... Somebody called me the other day and they're like, "Hey, man. I'm doi-... Thinking of doing something New Year's Eve downtown." You know I hate New Year's Eve-

Joe Rogan 46:03 Right.

Joey Diaz 46:03 ... and I hate downtown even more. Fucking Ozzy Osborne is doing the Forum, New Year's Eve. Ozzy Osborne.

Joe Rogan 46:11 The Western Forum?

Joey Diaz 46:13 The only Forum I fucking know in LA-

Joe Rogan 46:15 In Inglewood?

Joey Diaz 46:16 Yeah, with Rob Zombie and Marilyn Manson-

Joe Rogan 46:19 Oh.

Joey Diaz 46:19 ... and fucking just... And I'm sitting there going, "70 years old and he's doing New Year's Eve at the fucking Forum."

Joe Rogan 46:29 He probably got to. He's probably got to.

Joey Diaz 46:32 At the For-

Joe Rogan 46:32 His wife probably tells him, "Fuck outta the house. Go. Make money. Make money."

Joey Diaz 46:38 New Year's Eve at the Forum, Joe.

Joe Rogan 46:41 They connect his ankles together with rubber bands so he can't make big steps. You ever see how he walks? You see how he's a little...

Joey Diaz 46:47 Is that true or are you just goofing on me?

Joe Rogan 46:48 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 46:49 You trying to pull a Mickey on me? Remember when Mickey made fucking Rocky-

Joe Rogan 46:52 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 46:53 ... uh, put the, the-

Joe Rogan 46:54 Tie your legs together.

Joey Diaz 46:55 Tie your legs together. It's the same problem Rocky had. He-

Joe Rogan 46:58 Rocky Mountain high.

Joey Diaz 46:59 He's a mountain high.

Joe Rogan 47:00 His legs were too wide. Yeah.

Joey Diaz 47:02 Tell me you saw the trailer for-

Joe Rogan 47:04 Creed?

Joey Diaz 47:04 ... for Creed. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 47:06 It was... The first one was good.

Joey Diaz 47:07 Did you watch it?

Joe Rogan 47:08 I enjoyed it. Yes.

Joey Diaz 47:08 Did you... I told you.

Joe Rogan 47:09 It's good.

Joey Diaz 47:09 I called you and said, "Watch it."

Joe Rogan 47:10 It's good.

Joey Diaz 47:10 It's not an Academy Award winner.

Joe Rogan 47:12 No.

Joey Diaz 47:12 But you-

Joe Rogan 47:13 It's a decent movie.

Joey Diaz 47:13 You know, man? For years, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know how I felt about Sylvester Stallone.

Joe Rogan 47:19 I'm a fan.

Joey Diaz 47:20 I just didn't. Then I went to your house that time and your wife was goofing on you and she's like, "I think he's got... He's in love with Sylvester Stallone."

Joe Rogan 47:27 I thought you said, "Sylvester Stallone's a canary in a coal mine." (laughs)

Joey Diaz 47:29 And you said... And you said, you were like, "Look at this... Look at him."

Joe Rogan 47:31 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 47:31 You had a picture of his photo when he was 65.

Joe Rogan 47:34 Jacked.

Joey Diaz 47:34 And he, he was just jacked.

Joe Rogan 47:35 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 47:36 And I... Yeah. I like all that shit and stuff. And then I was on a plane and I said, "Let me watch this Creed." And bro, I had tears in my eyes.

Joe Rogan 47:44 Aw.

Joey Diaz 47:44 Because I'm like, "This guy has got no respect for years." Like, you look at him now, people goofed on him and shit. Dog, he wrote two or three-

Joe Rogan 47:54 Whoa. He had his whole back done? Look at that. He's... Wow. Look at that. Like, zoom in on his back. Wow. I didn't know he had his whole back done. That's crazy.

Joey Diaz 48:03 Like, this guy wrote a fucking two or three franchises.

Joe Rogan 48:09 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 48:09 Like, this guy started... Like, when you... The other day they had some things about facts about a guy. Like, he was fucking broke. He had to sell his dog. He had to do all this shit-

Joe Rogan 48:20 How do you sell your dog?

Joey Diaz 48:20 ... for him to make Rocky.

Joe Rogan 48:22 Yeah. Look at that picture right there.

Joey Diaz 48:23 Yeah. Look at this guy.

Joe Rogan 48:25 Jacked. 71. Jacked.... fucking jacked. (laughs)

Joey Diaz 48:33 (laughs) When I saw that commercial for the first one with Creed, I was like, "I'm not watching this shit." And then, AMC lately, every Sunday or something, they throw a Rocky on. And you say, "What the fuck? I got 10 minutes before World News Tonight." And you start watching it, and you see the brilliance of what this man has done.

Joe Rogan 48:53 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 48:53 It's, it's brilliant. It's just completely brilliant. Whether it's cheesy with Tree when he gets beat up and Apollo Creed takes him to the ghetto and makes them looking brothers and they teach him how to-

Joe Rogan 49:05 Look how big Dolph Lundgren is.

Joey Diaz 49:06 Oh. And now, and then Creed just... That kid, by the way, is a badass motherfucker.

Joe Rogan 49:11 Michael Johnson.

Joey Diaz 49:12 Oh.

Joe Rogan 49:12 Jordan. Jordan.

Joey Diaz 49:13 And in Black Panther-

Joe Rogan 49:14 Michael B., B. Jordan.

Joey Diaz 49:14 And in Black Panther-

Joe Rogan 49:15 He's great in that.

Joey Diaz 49:16 ... Jesus Christ-

Joe Rogan 49:17 He's great in that.

Joey Diaz 49:17 ... him and the other guy are fucking superb. But this now, like, and it... You look at it and you're like, like me and you at the store behind it, like you would say to me, "Really, Joe Diaz? He's gonna fight the Russian's son? I could have wrote that idea on a fucking..." It's still huge. It's still coming out Thanksgiving Day. This guy is coming-

Joe Rogan 49:37 It's becoming a giant.

Joey Diaz 49:38 It's gonna be huge.

Joe Rogan 49:40 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 49:40 It's gonna be huge. I'll be there front and center at 1:00.

Joe Rogan 49:44 What's crazy is that franchise started in the '70s. (slaps table) 70s. He made Rocky I in the '70s.

Joey Diaz 49:51 (sighs)

Joe Rogan 49:51 I remember I, I watched it when I was a little kid. I drank raw eggs and I ran around the block.

Joey Diaz 49:56 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 49:57 Like I just listened to a David Goggins-

Joey Diaz 49:59 (coughs)

Joe Rogan 49:59 ... fucking motivational speech.

Narrator 50:01 I just, uh, I read about (clears throat) about this. When they s- first started shooting this, he told him to hit him for real, and he put him in the ICU for nine days, Dolph Lundgren. He said to try to knock him out.

Joe Rogan 50:13 What?

Narrator 50:13 And for-

Joe Rogan 50:13 Why would he do that?

Narrator 50:14 Yeah, I don't know.

Joe Rogan 50:14 Dolph Lundgren was a legit Kyokushin karate champion.

Narrator 50:18 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 50:18 Dolph, Dolph Lundgren's a bad motherfucker, like legitimate bad motherfucker. Like, you know, he did a bunch of those crazy action movies, and he played the Punisher and all this other stuff, but D- that guy is a, was a legit karate champion. He's a bad motherfucker, Dolph Lundgren. I would not want that guy hitting me.

Joey Diaz 50:35 So what's this, what, what's this one called?

Joe Rogan 50:37 Lundgren put me in the hospital during Rocky IV. (laughs)

Narrator 50:41 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 50:41 Why would he let him hit him? Well, you know who else knocked him? Antonio Tarver knocked Sylvester Stallone out when they, when he was doing that movie where he was still boxing. Remember? Like, just a few years ago, he was in his fucking 60s, and he was boxing in one of those movies.

Joey Diaz 50:58 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 50:58 He fought Antonio Tarver, Magic Man Tarver, who was a heavyweight champion, light heavyweight champion, knocked out Roy Jones Jr. Remember when he stood, stood in front of Roy Jones? Roy Jones go, "Got any excuses tonight, Roy?" And then he knocked him out. Antonio Tarver's a bad motherfucker, and apparently when they were doing scenes in a movie, he clipped him and, and KO'd him.

Narrator 51:20 Here's the quick story. He said he, uh, for the first 45 seconds, he tried to really knock him out. He hit him so hard, his chest started to, or his heart started to swell, his blood pressure went up. Had to go back on emergency v- jet to America, and he was in ICU for five days.

Joe Rogan 51:35 Whoa.

Narrator 51:37 And the insurance company would not pay out. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 51:39 He said, "Now I'm in intensive care for five days with nuns walking around. Insurance company would not pay out after they saw the footage of the incident. Once they did, they wrote the check. He hit my heart so hard it banged against my ribs and started to swell. And that usually happens in car accidents." (laughs) "So I was hit by a truck." That is ridiculous. He, when his... Stallone also talks about why he hated Lundgren from the get-go. They're friends now. Oh.

Narrator 52:05 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 52:05 Probably 'cause he's a big handsome fellow from fucking Norway or where the hell he's from. Where's he from, Dolph Lundgren, with that name?

Narrator 52:12 Sweden, I think.

Joe Rogan 52:14 He's from some-

Joey Diaz 52:14 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 52:15 ... some lab.

Joey Diaz 52:15 He's like Gustafsson's cousin.

Joe Rogan 52:16 Yeah. (laughs)

Joey Diaz 52:17 He's like Aristid Gustafsson's cousin or something.

Narrator 52:20 Yeah, Sweden.

Joe Rogan 52:20 Sweden. He, he's a l- legit bad motherfucker though.

Joey Diaz 52:23 I didn't know that he was a Kyokushin guy. I didn't even know he was a-

Joe Rogan 52:25 Yeah, he was a karate champion. Yeah, I think, uh, he was a national champion. Kyokushin's no joke, man. Those, those, those fucking guys, that's a hard style, very hard style.

Joey Diaz 52:35 That's GSP also.

Joe Rogan 52:36 Mas Oyama. Yeah.

Joey Diaz 52:37 Isn't it? Isn't that GSP's style also?

Joe Rogan 52:40 Yep. Yeah.

Joey Diaz 52:40 Kyokushin?

Joe Rogan 52:41 (clears throat) I think Mas Oyama's Kyokushin, pretty sure. Um, they-

Joey Diaz 52:45 It's... They're really hard-hitting motherfuckers. They-

Joe Rogan 52:48 It's a very hard style.

Joey Diaz 52:48 The punches, yeah.

Joe Rogan 52:49 Leg kicks, lot of wheel kicks. What they do in the tournaments, Kyokushin tournaments, they punch to the body full blast, but kick to the legs, the head, the body. And they'll stand right in front of each other and beat the fuck out of each other. It's horrific. It's like kind of the opposite of... Taekwondo was, uh, a lot of, uh, kicks and punches only to the body too, but Kyokushin, they, they threw leg kicks in there, and there, there wasn't a lot of footwork with most of those guys. Most of those guys, like, stood in front of each other and battered each other. But a lot of Kyokushin guys went on to be really successful in, uh, kickboxing. In fact, a lot of, um, a lot of the Holland influence in kickboxing came from Kyokushin background. Like, they started out with Kyokushin and kickboxing, and then they learned Thai, Thai techniques as well. But a lot of those guys had, uh, an influence of, uh, Kyokushin karate, very big in Europe.

Joey Diaz 53:45 It's crazy. When I first started in martial arts, the big thing was the sweep.

Joe Rogan 53:49 Sweep the leg.

Joey Diaz 53:50 In the early '70s, everybody swept.

Joe Rogan 53:52 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 53:53 You threw, you faked two high kicks, and even if it was a spinning back kick-

Joe Rogan 53:58 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 53:58 ... the third one was a sweep, and that motherfucker was gone.

Joe Rogan 54:01 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 54:01 I used to go to all those karate tournaments, and that was my shit. I'd throw two high spinning back kicks at you. I didn't even want them to hit.

Joe Rogan 54:08 Sweeps are legit.

Joey Diaz 54:09 And nobody sweeps anymore. Nobody sweeps.

Joe Rogan 54:11 Oh, they still do in MMA and Muay Thai it's big.

Joey Diaz 54:13 A little bit. A little bit in MMA-

Joe Rogan 54:15 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 54:15 ... but not in m- as much as I expect. A good-

Joe Rogan 54:18 Well-

Joey Diaz 54:18 ... sweep with a good fucking leg.

Joe Rogan 54:20 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 54:20 If you set them up, a good old fashioned sweep. I mean, what's his name has that little sweep the leg, push you back, uh, you know, your boy here.

Joe Rogan 54:30 Jon Jones?

Joey Diaz 54:31 No, the other guy. Jon Jones has it too.

Joe Rogan 54:33 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 54:34 All those wrestlers have that little-

Joe Rogan 54:34 Gaston Belanos does that shit a lot.

Joey Diaz 54:36 Yeah, all that little sweep that... I like that little sweep, but I'm talking about from the fighter's position, to just come into you with a sweep and throw your legs out from under you. It takes a bunch of fake, so I'm here with you-

Joe Rogan 54:48 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 54:49 ... it's basically off, like ba, ba, ba, and instead of the elbow coming around, your leg comes around and sweeps that guy off his feet-

Joe Rogan 54:55 Right.

Joey Diaz 54:56 ... he lands on his back, and you attack with your left.

Joe Rogan 54:58 There's still some, some guys that are really good at sweeps. The thing about MMA is just there's so many different things going on, you know, but in Muay Thai, sweeps are huge in Muay Thai. It's a big part of the sport. You know, that's why I got, like, Gaston-

Joey Diaz 55:09 But once you catch that leg-

Joe Rogan 55:09 Gaston Belanos-

Joey Diaz 55:11 ... yeah.

Joe Rogan 55:11 ... when, you know, who fights in Bellator, he's so high-level in Muay Thai, and now he's getting into MMA and he's fucking guys up, not just with sweeps. Spinning elbows, all sorts of shit. There, there just, the, the, his level of Muay Thai, like... Muay Thai involves a lot of grappling, a lot of, a lot of weird stuff.

Joey Diaz 55:27 I remember listening to Kenny Florian one time, and he goes that, uh, you know, Muay Thai even has a couple aspects from jujitsu in it, I guess. Not jujitsu, but something else. Grappling-

Joe Rogan 55:37 Grecko Roman.

Joey Diaz 55:38 Grecko Roman-

Joe Rogan 55:39 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 55:39 ... when you grab behind the-

Joe Rogan 55:41 A lot of tie-ups.

Joey Diaz 55:41 ... yeah, a lot of tie-ups.

Joe Rogan 55:41 Well, there are always, there are always clinching. There's a lot of clinch work and those guys develop really strong cores and necks. They grab each other by the back of the neck and they're, they're moving each other around, sweeping each other all the time. There's so much involved in, you know, framing with your forearms and sweeping the legs out and twisting and, and changing angles. It's a great, uh, when, when you learn the other aspects of wrestling, when you learn takedowns and control, and then when you learn jujitsu and all these other... Like, having that background from the clinch, from Muay Thai is so gigantic because so many different things open up from there. Elbows open up from there, knees to the body open up from there. You wrestled-

Joey Diaz 56:21 You wrestle in high school, G?

Joe Rogan 56:22 I wrestled one year in high school.

Joey Diaz 56:24 Why didn't you wrestle all four?

Joe Rogan 56:25 'Cause I was still doing TaeKwonDo at the time, and I, I had to figure out what, what was more, you know, what was more important to me. I just, I couldn't do both. It was just too exhausting.

Joey Diaz 56:35 I didn't like that wrestling shit.

Joe Rogan 56:36 You're tired.

Joey Diaz 56:36 Mr. Tabachino, he used to have that fucking weight room down to like 190-

Joe Rogan 56:41 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 56:41 They were doing hatha yoga before hatha yoga was invented. That room stunk-

Joe Rogan 56:46 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 56:47 ... and it was hotter than death in there.

Joe Rogan 56:48 I was always thinking it was asbestos coming off the ceiling too.

Joey Diaz 56:51 No.

Joe Rogan 56:51 I was like, "What is covering these pipes? No one's checked these pipes." I'm like, "I don't want cancer."

Joey Diaz 56:56 Look-

Joe Rogan 56:56 "What is happening in this wrestling room?"

Joey Diaz 56:57 ... all those fucking schools-

Joe Rogan 56:58 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 56:59 ... had asbestos in it. We breathed asbestos, I ate paint chips in-

Joe Rogan 57:03 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 57:03 ... kindergarten.

Joe Rogan 57:05 All the water had lead. If it didn't have lead, you'd be like, "What?" (laughs)

Joey Diaz 57:08 I went to the park yesterday with my daughter and there was a lady next to me and she asked where I was from and she goes her father was from Brooklyn and we started talking. She had a beautiful little two-year-old and the two-year-old got caught on one of the monkey bars and the father had to go over and help her and she goes, "I remember going up to my father's neighborhood and seeing his play yard. They were nothing like these." And I go, "I still remember coming from Cuba and doing that, you know, the monkey bars." But then you get so good that you put your legs up and you hang by your knees.

Joe Rogan 57:38 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 57:38 And one day, bro, I didn't hang right and I landed on that concrete. There was no rubber in those days, it was just straight-up concrete. Half the first grade, I fucking twitched. I twitched half the first grade. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 57:52 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 57:52 I landed right on my fucking neck. I never got on a monkey bar again. I don't fu-

Joe Rogan 57:56 Monkey bars break a lot of kids.

Joey Diaz 57:58 I don't fuck around with monkey bars at all, dog.

Joe Rogan 58:00 I broke my arm on a monkey bar, my daughter broke her arm on a monkey bar. Yeah. My, another kid in my daughter's class broke her arm on a monkey bar.

Joey Diaz 58:08 How do you break your arm on a monkey bar?

Joe Rogan 58:09 Fall down. Try to catch yourself, put, post your arm, snap. Yeah.

Joey Diaz 58:15 Yeah, I don't that-

Joe Rogan 58:16 It's real common. Monkey bars are fucking dangerous because you don't have the hand strength yet. You're six years old, so you're grabbing hold of bars and you're swinging, you just don't really have the dexterity or the hand strength, and it slips, and you fall back, and you post, and snap.

Joey Diaz 58:31 You gotta see my daughter on that monkey bar. She gets it, she does it until her hands bleed, dog.

Joe Rogan 58:37 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 58:37 She gets little blisters. Her mother's gotta put Band-Aid on them.

Joe Rogan 58:40 Your daughter's fierce.

Joey Diaz 58:41 Then she's not allowed-

Joe Rogan 58:42 She's a fierce little girl.

Joey Diaz 58:43 ... on it again. Yeah, I like that about her.

Joe Rogan 58:45 (laughs) She's fierce.

Joey Diaz 58:46 I take it to the... I put a lot of time into that shit. I've, you know... It's really weird because of the Kavanaugh situation and the Harvey Weinstein situation. You're a dad, I'm a dad. It's different on how you gotta raise your daughter now. This has affected me in a way. The Kavanaugh thing was pissing me off for a few weeks because I don't like the idea that they could come back to you for something you did in high school. That, that's just not right in my world. Unless I fucked you in the ass in high school-

Joe Rogan 59:16 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 59:16 ... and covered your mouth, I didn't do nothing. You know what I'm saying?

Joe Rogan 59:19 I think he, I think that was a thing he did do, though. He did cover her mouth.

Joey Diaz 59:21 He covered her mouth or whatever, but-

Joe Rogan 59:23 Who knows what really happened, right?

Joey Diaz 59:24 But nobody knows, and nobody know-

Joe Rogan 59:26 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 59:26 Nobody knows, so-

Joe Rogan 59:27 So long ago.

Joey Diaz 59:27 ... it was 36 years ago.

Joe Rogan 59:28 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 59:29 I know for a fact, I've known you for 20 and I've seen you sweeten up over the years. We all change. You're not the same Joe Rogan I met 20 years ago. (hisses)

Joe Rogan 59:38 I'm definitely not the same guy-

Joey Diaz 59:39 So-

Joe Rogan 59:39 ... I was in high school, that's for sure.

Joey Diaz 59:40 No, no, come on, dog. Please.

Joe Rogan 59:42 But he was a, he was a guy that was hanging around with a bunch of drunk jocks and we all remember drunk jocks.

Joey Diaz 59:48 Yeah. Yeah, you know-

Joe Rogan 59:48 You know, and that, that, that environment, that, that, that sort of envo- the environment of, like, being around a bun- bunch of drunk guys who are constantly one-upping each other, that's a, that's a sketchy fucking environment. And that's the, that's frat houses.

Joey Diaz 1:00:01 Well, the Yale thing scared me. That's when I thought, you know, those guys are rich white kids, dog.

Joe Rogan 1:00:06 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 1:00:06 You know what happens-

Joe Rogan 1:00:07 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 1:00:07 ... when you got a little bit of money, everything's been covered up all their lives.

Joe Rogan 1:00:09 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 1:00:10 Everything's been covered up all their lives, you know. When I was a kid, I knew this girl, they used to call her Mindy Head, and on Friday nights they'd get in the car and they'd drive her to, like, fucking Connecticut and tell her she had to suck all their dicks to get home. God knows where that poor girl is today.

Joe Rogan 1:00:25 Oh.

Joey Diaz 1:00:26 Last time I saw her was 1993 getting coke in a building in Harlem. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:00:30 Ooh.

Joey Diaz 1:00:30 And she's like, "You gotta save me."

Joe Rogan 1:00:31 Ooh.

Joey Diaz 1:00:31 "I'm with some guy in a car. He doesn't wanna leave me alone." I'm like, "Listen, bitch. I'm walking to my car. I never saw you before in my life." (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:00:39 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:00:40 I swear to God-

Joe Rogan 1:00:41 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 1:00:41 ... I bumped into her in a cop house on 181st Street, 10 years after high school.

Joe Rogan 1:00:48 Sh-

Joey Diaz 1:00:48 I'm in the fucking fourth floor with some Dominicans. I'm walking down the stairs and there's Mindy Head. And she's like, "What are you doing here?" "The same thing you're fucking doing here, obviously."

Joe Rogan 1:00:56 (sighs) (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:00:57 You know?

Joe Rogan 1:00:58 What's fucked up is, for some people, their experiences in high school define them. You know, I just watched that, uh, Stephen King movie, It. The- the mo- most recent one.

Joey Diaz 1:01:08 With the clown?

Joe Rogan 1:01:09 Yeah. Pretty fucking good. But one- one of the things that I was thinking when I was watching it was, like, how fucking mean kids are in school to each other. Like, uh, you kind of forget about that. And you-

Joey Diaz 1:01:21 (coughs)

Joe Rogan 1:01:21 And then you watch one of those movies about people being mean to people and you're like, "Oh, yeah, I remember," w- going around to get away from a guy that was picking on me, that was fucking with me and, like, you would be scared of running into him at the bus stop and scared of seeing him after school. And that's how I got into martial arts in the first place. I got tired of being scared. Scared of people, scared of getting picked on.

Joey Diaz 1:01:43 I was into martial arts when I was still fucking scared.

Joe Rogan 1:01:46 (laughs) I was scared too, afterwards.

Joey Diaz 1:01:46 Let me tell you something. The- the funniest thing about the movie It was, that it fucked with clowns.

Joe Rogan 1:01:50 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:01:51 So two months later, a bunch of clowns got together and went on strike. They went downtown and they had a parade.

Joe Rogan 1:01:57 When?

Joey Diaz 1:01:57 Like, uh, c- uh, not a parade, uh, what do you call when people get together and- and they fucking have signs?

Joe Rogan 1:02:03 This is recently?

Joey Diaz 1:02:04 This is right after that movie was released.

Joe Rogan 1:02:06 In 2017.

Joey Diaz 1:02:07 When that movie- whenever that movie was released, a month later, two months later, a bunch of clowns in the- in the California area got together downtown and picketed Stephen King because they were losing work as clowns.

Joe Rogan 1:02:18 Oh, Christ.

Joey Diaz 1:02:19 Because they had lost- a bunch of clowns got canceled. They lost all their clown season work or some shit.

Joe Rogan 1:02:25 I read the book a long time ago.

Joey Diaz 1:02:27 Which one?

Joe Rogan 1:02:28 It. I remember th- uh, I was like, "Man, how are they gonna make a movie out of this?" And they made a movie out of it way back in the day with John-Boy from The Waltons. Remember the dude with the mole on his face?

Joey Diaz 1:02:38 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:02:38 He had a ponytail in it. I watched it the other night on TV, just flipping through the channels, it was on. And it was after- a couple of days after I'd seen the- the most recent version of it. It was hilariously bad. It was so stupid. But it was, uh, John-Boy with The Waltons, and it might've been ... How many versions of that It movie did they make? The- was it just two?

Narrator 1:03:03 I think so.

Joe Rogan 1:03:04 The first one was the first one with Tim, the guy from, uh, The Rocky Horror Picture Show?

Narrator 1:03:09 Yeah. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:03:10 The- well, that was who the- the clown was.

Narrator 1:03:12 Pennywise?

Joe Rogan 1:03:12 Yeah. It was so stupid. It was so- it was like ... (laughs) It wasn't scary at all. I mean, not- not even remotely. But the new one was pretty fucking scary.

Joey Diaz 1:03:21 Well, Stephen King, Doug, is a fucking crazy motherfucker. We both read On Writing.

Joe Rogan 1:03:27 Yeah, it's a great book.

Joey Diaz 1:03:27 And we both ... Did you see him on Sons of Anarchy ever?

Joe Rogan 1:03:30 No.

Joey Diaz 1:03:31 He want- they contact him, they're like, "We want you to be on Sons of Anarchy." He's like, "Listen, the only way I'll be on Sons of Anarchy" he says, like, he's like, "if I could ride my motorcycle." They had to go back and forth like, "We don't need you as a..." What'd I just tell you? "If I go on Sons of Anarchy, I gotta ride my motorcycle." So he played a creepy guy that makes you disappear after they kill you.

Joe Rogan 1:03:53 Really?

Joey Diaz 1:03:53 Like, he comes in and measures you. Like, you're on the floor dead and he'd walk in, measure you, and tell you what he needs. "I need a rope, I need some gasoline, I need a ca- car. I also need a selection of '70s classic rock." And then you disappear and when you come back, there's nothing there. And they walk him out, he tells you what you want. "How much? $800?" You're paying the $800. If you only have six, he'll look around the room, he'll just take, like, a statue.

Joe Rogan 1:04:21 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:04:21 And he'll just walk out of your house. Ties the statue on the motorcycle.

Joe Rogan 1:04:26 Look at him.

Joey Diaz 1:04:26 Look at him. He was classic on Sons of Anarchy.

Joe Rogan 1:04:30 Wow. You know, uh, the- the crazy thing about him was that his battle, coming back from getting hit by that guy in a car, he was, uh, walking, I think it was in Maine, right? He was walking and some guy wasn't paying attention and fucking hit him in his car and just destroyed his body. Like, just destroyed his body. Like, I mean, he was fucked up for a long, long time.

Joey Diaz 1:04:52 On a motorcycle? On a motorcycle?

Joe Rogan 1:04:54 Yeah. Shattered his- no, no, he was walking. He was just walking. And then he got hit by a guy in a van.

Joey Diaz 1:05:01 Doug, when I read that, I think you turned me onto it, when I read that chapter on Carrie, how he had written half of Carrie and threw it away.

Joe Rogan 1:05:11 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 1:05:11 And his wife found it.

Joe Rogan 1:05:12 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 1:05:12 And made him finish it. And it was about a girl with a period or something crazy and how, uh, like, I was in shock.

Joe Rogan 1:05:19 Great book. Carrie is a great book.

Joey Diaz 1:05:21 Great. Carrie and Cujo are my favorite Stephen King books. Cujo, 'til this day I have it, I look at it and I respect it. It's like cocaine.

Joe Rogan 1:05:30 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:05:31 I don't even open that book. I just look at it and touch it from time to time when I go. "Oh, I don't know if I want to get into that thing."

Joe Rogan 1:05:38 You know what was a great book that they did, like, the- the- the movie version of it, it's just like, uh, was Pet Sematary.

Joey Diaz 1:05:45 Oh.

Joe Rogan 1:05:45 Pet Sematary is a book. There's some things about books ... You know, I hate the cliché that books are better. "Oh, the book's better." But what is interesting about books is there are certain things that you shouldn't really see, you should only imagine. Like, they w- they work out better in the- in the- in your imagination. Like, there's something much creepier about them in your imagination. And Pet Sematary, I think, as well.

Joey Diaz 1:06:11 You were right about something creepy you've done. Like, we'll never have a hard time sleeping or something like that, something's going on with me. So instead of sitting in bed and having what's called insomnia, I get up and I write it out. When you read that back, it's like when I write about something I did as a kid, whether it's robbing Freddy at Putnam Fuel. When I was a kid I used to rob his gas station every eight weeks. And, you know, like, when I- when I was in West Palm Beach, a kid showed up. A kid showed up from high school and- when I was in West Palm Beach and he goes, "I have something." And he goes, "This is a map you drew of us..."... were about to rob a gas station in 1981.

Narrator 1:06:50 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:06:50 He still had the map of me with stick men.

Narrator 1:06:53 (laughs) Wow.

Joey Diaz 1:06:53 We would rob this, we would rob this gas station every six to eight weeks.

Narrator 1:06:57 Those stick men coming from the left, I'm coming from the north.

Joey Diaz 1:06:59 (laughs) I don't even know what the fuck the point I'm trying to make was. I forgot it somewhere along the line, but-

Joe Rogan 1:07:04 Uh, write about things that you did that were (overlapping) .

Joey Diaz 1:07:06 Even when I write about that and you read them, it's different.

Joe Rogan 1:07:08 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 1:07:08 I, for fuck you, reading is fucking phenomenal.

Joe Rogan 1:07:13 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 1:07:13 To build imagination. That's why when you read Silence of the Lambs and you watch the movie, you gotta get all, everybody in that room and give 'em a big hug-

Joe Rogan 1:07:21 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 1:07:21 ... because they kept it honest, they kept it real.

Joe Rogan 1:07:24 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 1:07:24 When you read William Blakeley's The Exorcist, and then... The Exorcist has been on for the last two weeks on AMC, and I've been watching bits and pieces of it, and I can't applaud it more. He-

Joe Rogan 1:07:35 You know who's fucking great in that movie? The priest.

Joey Diaz 1:07:38 That's Jackie Gleason's son-in-law.

Joe Rogan 1:07:39 Is it really?

Joey Diaz 1:07:40 Yes.

Joe Rogan 1:07:40 Wow.

Joey Diaz 1:07:41 Who's Jason Stew- who's Jason whatever's father.

Joe Rogan 1:07:44 Jason Whatever? Who's that?

Joey Diaz 1:07:45 Well, he was in Sleepers with, uh, with, uh, with, uh, Brad Pitt, De Niro. He played the newspaper reporter. That's his fucking father. But Damien Karras plays the priest. That's Jackie Gleason's son-in-law. He married Jackie Gleason's daughter. And it's funny, because last week (laughs) I was in my office typing, and my wife called. She goes, "I'm gonna be home in 20 minutes with the baby. So I don't know what you're doing." I go, "All right." So I went out to the living room and I turned the TV on just to be out there, 'cause I knew she was gonna wanna watch cartoons or whatever. And I saw The Exorcist was on, I turned it on. And dog, it came on when the priest comes to the door, which if I ever bump into that director, I will take his dick out and suck it.

Narrator 1:08:32 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:08:32 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:08:32 Because that's what real directing is. He scared you without showing you anything.

Narrator 1:08:37 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 1:08:37 Remember, when the priest comes to the door, all you see is an image from the priest and you don't see what his face looked like.

Narrator 1:08:43 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 1:08:43 And, uh, uh, it scares you. But when he walks in, he takes this motherfucker, and the guy says to him, "Can I get you something? How was your trip? Can I get you something?" And he goes, "Do you want some coffee?" And he goes, "No, let's do this." And this guy's a psychiatrist. You have to watch it again.

Narrator 1:09:01 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 1:09:01 This guy's a psychiatrist, not only is he a priest. And he starts dropping psycho... And the priest looks at him and goes, "Knock it off. The devil is cunning. He'll attack you psychological like nobody else. Do not listen to him." And he just breaks it down. And then the guy says to him, "Do you wanna know the three levels of manifestation?" And he looks at him and he goes, "No. There's only one. Satan is Satan." Dog, it's just right there, you're like... So my daughter walks in.

Narrator 1:09:33 While it's on?

Joey Diaz 1:09:34 The five-year-old walks in, and she sits on my lap. And she's a Bible beater. I don't know if you know this, that Mercy's a Bible beater. She loves anything with God and, you know. I got a little fucking thing she gave me with Jesus, a fish.

Narrator 1:09:47 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:09:47 Yeah, Mercy, my daughter's a Bible beater. Even though she goes to fucking public school, she'll come home and tell me, "They didn't talk about God today." So she's watching-

Narrator 1:09:56 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:09:56 ... this whole manifestation-

Joe Rogan 1:09:58 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 1:09:58 ... of these two priests talking about God is powerful, God's gonna kill Satan, da-da-da-da-da-da. And all of a sudden, they walk into the room and she's sitting up and she's like... (growls) And my daughter caught... It took her, like, 30 seconds (laughs) to just look at me and f-... She just ran out of the room. Like, she doesn't know who Satan is, nothing. She just ran out of the room. This is one of the scariest movies, one of the finest movies. She elevates herself. Comes down. What about when they... So they do the first thing, they walk out. And what about when they walk back in and he's a, he's a doctor, so he's checking her heart. And she turns into the mother in the hospital and starts saying, "Damie, why you do this to me?" And, and the priest told them, "Don't listen to him, that the devil's cunning." You know, and all of a sudden... What about when he comes in and he goes, "Father, how about sparing five cents for an old altar boy?" Because the devil started... I mean, bro, you have to watch it. And while all this is going on, you have to remember that there's a murder going on. Because the first night when she came down, before the devil came in, some guy was talking shit, a Nazi was talking shit, a Jewish guy was talking shit about a Nazi or something. And she comes down and pees and says, "You're gonna die, motherfucker." She doesn't say what-

Joe Rogan 1:11:19 Well, she said, "You're gonna die up there" to an astronaut, wasn't it? Wasn't he an astronaut?

Joey Diaz 1:11:23 He was something downstairs.

Joe Rogan 1:11:24 Didn't she say something like that? "You're gonna die up there."

Joey Diaz 1:11:27 No, no, it was downstairs. They were in the living room and they were standing like, uh...

Joe Rogan 1:11:30 Yeah. But didn't she... She was talking to a guy who was an astronaut and she said, "You're gonna, you're gonna die up there."

Joey Diaz 1:11:33 I'm not sure. I thought she just said, "You're gonna die." And then she peed the carpet.

Joe Rogan 1:11:37 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 1:11:38 And then-

Joe Rogan 1:11:38 It was a dinner party.

Joey Diaz 1:11:39 And then a couple of nights later, they found the guy in the bottom of the stairs, but it couldn't have been a girl because they twisted his neck all the way around.

Joe Rogan 1:11:46 Right, right, right. Yeah.

Joey Diaz 1:11:47 So it had to