EVERY SPOKEN WORD
150 min read · 30,045 words- 0:00 – 15:00
Three, two... What the…
- JRJoe Rogan
Three, two... What the fuck were you saying, Joey Diaz?
- JDJoey Diaz
I said that once you're clean for 29 days without smoking reefer, that's it. Why go back?
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs) What?
- JDJoey Diaz
Yeah!
- JRJoe Rogan
I like it.
- JDJoey Diaz
No.
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- JDJoey Diaz
If I fucking stayed clean from reefer for 29 days, I'd go, (claps hands) I'd let my lungs fucking heal from the abuse I've inflicted on them the last 30 fucking years.
- JRJoe Rogan
What about edibles? What about sprays?
- JDJoey Diaz
Uh, first of all-
- JRJoe Rogan
You know, the, the Jamba sprays?
- JDJoey Diaz
First of all, I haven't had an edible since like... I broke it in Boston September 29th, so out of respect for Sober October, I didn't do an edible. I haven't done edibles. I, I... Something was wrong with my stomach so I figured out it, I was, uh, lactose tolerant-
- JRJoe Rogan
Lactose intolerant? (laughs)
- JDJoey Diaz
Lactose intolerant. I fucking eat mozzarella cheese or milk and I'm farting up... You know, it's a nightmare.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- JDJoey Diaz
So I had to cut that out of my diet. No mozzarella cheese. Light on the American cheese now. No Swiss no more. No Cuban sandwiches.
- JRJoe Rogan
Really?
- JDJoey Diaz
It's fucking crazy. And then I had to cut out... The edibles were giving me a weird feeling.
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs) Like what?
- JDJoey Diaz
Like, it had, it had just gone... It had just gone somewhere else and I didn't like the hunger issues.
- JRJoe Rogan
Oh, the munchies? Yeah.
- JDJoey Diaz
The hunger issues after 11:00 were just monstrous. Like here I am working hard to lose weight, I'd stick to it and then I go home, I start with an apple, another apple-
- JRJoe Rogan
Mm-hmm.
- JDJoey Diaz
... a banana, another banana. Then you gotta bust out the salami sandwich with the fucking American... You know.
- JRJoe Rogan
Right.
- JDJoey Diaz
It was just, uh, it was just getting bad. I could not control it. Could not. Uncontrollable. The hunger from edibles every minute after 11:00 for me was uncontrollable.
- JRJoe Rogan
Well, you get blitzkrieg. You don't just get like a little fucked up.
- JDJoey Diaz
No. No, and it starts early. It was starting early, 2:00 in the afternoon, then pop another two at fucking 6:00.
- JRJoe Rogan
Do you like vaporizing?
- JDJoey Diaz
No.
- 15:00 – 30:00
Oh, yeah. She bloody…
- JRJoe Rogan
divorce. Almost all of it's divorce money. The w-... Feminists, do not want to hear this, but there was one woman who was the richest woman ever from, uh, a startup company. Uh, Elizabeth... What was her name? From Theranos?
- NANarrator
Oh, yeah. She bloody took it all.
- JRJoe Rogan
Was it... What was her name? Elizabeth something. Not Smith. What was it? Something...
- NANarrator
Holmes.
- JRJoe Rogan
Holmes. Elizabeth Holmes. She had a... Ran a company called Theranos. She started it herself, dropped out of college to start this company and it was a total fraud. It was all fraudulent. She's going to jail forever. (laughs)
- NANarrator
Oh.
- JRJoe Rogan
She was worth $34 billion at one point. It was a blood testing company and what it was, was they just take a prick of your blood. Instead of taking a bunch of your blood, like getting your blood drawn, the, the... Her thing was like, "Let's just be able to take a prick of the blood, just a little tiny prick, like you go to a store, get a prick of your blood, and they're gonna be able to do a battery of tests on you and find out what's going on." The problem was, it didn't fucking work and they, they falsified all sorts of data and they lied to investors and all sorts of shit. This lady, she used to dress like Steve Jobs. She wore a black turtleneck and everything. And I saw her speak once.
- JDJoey Diaz
Oh.
- NANarrator
No.
- JRJoe Rogan
Here it goes.
- NANarrator
Nah, just...
- JRJoe Rogan
"Elizabeth Holmes indicted on fraud." Oh, the... They got you with the fucking pop-up ad, New York T-... There she is.
- JDJoey Diaz
Oh.
- JRJoe Rogan
She's going to jail. She's fucked.
- JDJoey Diaz
Oh, I want-
- JRJoe Rogan
But she was, she was, at one point in time, the richest self-made person in the world. The richest self-made woman in the world. She was worth billions of dollars.
- JDJoey Diaz
The shit people do.
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- JDJoey Diaz
I watched that thing the other day on Crazy Eddie. Do you remember Crazy Eddie when he w-
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah. Crazy Eddie. "His prices are insane." (laughs)
- JDJoey Diaz
Did you know what Crazy Eddie did? He was-
- JRJoe Rogan
Well, tell everybody who Crazy Eddie was.
- JDJoey Diaz
Crazy Eddie was a guy that had stores in all five boroughs of New York, wholesale outlets for stereos-
- JRJoe Rogan
TDs.
- JDJoey Diaz
... TVs and everything like that. I saw... I was watching MSNBC, uh, Greed. They have a series called Greed.
- JRJoe Rogan
There he is. (laughs) Give us... Let me hear this motherfucker.
- NANarrator
... video games, TVs, VCRs, stereo systems, telephones, telephone answering machines, anything and everything in home entertainment and watching home appliances too. (upbeat music) Remember, we are not undersold, we will not be undersold, we cannot be undersold, and we mean it. Santa knows that the best deals in town are at Crazy Eddie's during Crazy Eddie's Christmas Blowout Blitz. See Crazy Eddie now. His prices are insane. (upbeat music)
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- JDJoey Diaz
(laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
He's, he's wearing a Santa Claus outfit. He's going fucking crazy with fake snow in the background.
- 30:00 – 45:00
Yeah. …
- JRJoe Rogan
- JDJoey Diaz
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
"The top 10 wealthiest men made their fortunes themselves."
- JDJoey Diaz
Now, who are the top 10 wealthiest women that didn't get it from divorce?
- JRJoe Rogan
Oh, here the girl though.
- JDJoey Diaz
Oprah's got to be up there.
- JRJoe Rogan
Hold on a second. Yeah, she's up there. The first self-made woman on the list is... Wow, I don't know how to say this woman's name. Z-H-O-U, that's one word...... Q-U-N-F-E-I, Zhou Qunfei, who was born to a poor family in China, dropped out of school at 16. She went on to found an enormously successful technology company. Uh, but if you put men back into the equation, she's only the 198th richest person in the world. Hmm.
- JDJoey Diaz
Okay.
- JRJoe Rogan
"No matter how you feel about the concept of a few people hoarding enormous wealth, the notion that women can only access money and power through their families or husbands seems medieval at best, yet we see it occur at the very top of many professions outside of the business world." (coughs) Yeah, it's, um, most people.
- JDJoey Diaz
Can you read the next stuff-
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah. A recent-
- JDJoey Diaz
... about Hillary Clinton?
- JRJoe Rogan
"... High profile example is Hillary Clinton. During her presidential campaign, the first female major party nominee, she campaigned on a ticket of empowerment. Yet, although she is accomplished in her own right, she entered politics as the wife of Bill Clinton and has undoubtedly benefited from his prestige and connections." Yeah. Well, that's true, but she also was a lawyer.
- JDJoey Diaz
I just, I thought, I thought it was about money.
- JRJoe Rogan
(coughs)
- JDJoey Diaz
I didn't mean for you to read that there.
- JRJoe Rogan
She was a lawyer and a, you know, she was a senator.
- JDJoey Diaz
Now O- Oprah's up there as the-
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- JDJoey Diaz
... world's richest women, period. Like, uh, that made it on their own.
- JRJoe Rogan
See, that's a weird thing, because they're saying... I'm not a big fan of Hillary Clinton, but by saying... She definitely entered because she was, you know, she was married to him, but she was a lawyer. I mean, she's, she's an accomplished person. She's, she's educated, accomplished, she was a senator. I don't think that makes sense.
- JDJoey Diaz
I hate when people say some shit like that, "You know what? You were at the right place at the right time, bitch. And you jumped.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yes.
- JDJoey Diaz
"And you jumped."
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- JDJoey Diaz
"You jumped, bitch. So that's the problem. I'm not mad at nobody." You can't say she got into b- yeah, she may be a little help, a push here, a call here, but she jumped.
- JRJoe Rogan
There's a great book I'm reading right now, it's called Outliers by Malcolm McDowell. It's fucking great and it's all about what makes people successful and why they were successful, and there are a lot of factors, man. There's a lot of factors, when you were born, like what, like a lot of it, he, he, he goes on about hockey players, about professional hockey players, that almost all of them were born at a certain time so that they were at the end of the age cut off. So like say if, you know, you're between 10 and 11 when you go into, what is that, fifth grade? You are, if you're one of the oldest kids, you have a way better chance at being successful at hockey because your body's more mature than whether you're one of the youngest kids that goes into sixth grade. So whether you're fifth grade or sixth grade, like what year you were born is a big factor. So the kids that were born later, so that they're older rather, the kids that, that are older when they enter into the fifth grade or sixth grade, they're, uh, like across the board, unanimously, all the top level professionals were all older kids in younger grades. So that they're playing against smaller kids, they get more time, they, they're better, so they get more coaching, they get more hours playing. There's a lot of factors. There's a lot of factors and like one of the things about Bill Gates that there was, it's a good, there's a whole great chapter on Bill Gates and about when Bill Gates was young, the school that he went to had a computer class that, uh, allowed him to do coding and then he got into the University of Washington. They would let him get into their, their computer room from 3:00 AM to 6:00 AM, they had this open block. So him and his friends would sneak into that place at 3:00 in the morning. So all these, all these different factors that lead to someone being like super successful. It's not just that you work hard, it's sometimes you get these weird advantages in life. There's a bunch of things, like, for sure hard work plays a factor. If you don't do nothing, you just sit around and, and woe is me and cry and think the world's fucked, you're not going anywhere. But the people that make it to the very top, the Bill Gates, the Steve Jobs, they have a bunch of things going for them. It's not just hard work. It's also circumstance, fortune, where they are, what, you know, who's around them, who, who, who encourages them, there's, there's a bunch of... And what time they were born and what, you know, what age they were when certain things happened in the world. There's a bunch of factors. But for all those chicks, it's just marrying the right dude. (laughs)
- JDJoey Diaz
No, I-
- JRJoe Rogan
Getting divorced. Getting paid. I know a lady who, uh, just got p- p- p- p- p- p- paid from a divorce and she's just shooting shit into her face and banging 20-year-olds now. It's hilarious. She's in her late 40s, banging 20-year-old dudes. (laughs)
- JDJoey Diaz
How rough must that must be to cut-
- 45:00 – 1:00:00
Bill, we should go...…
- JRJoe Rogan
but that's just... It's hard to tell because Keith Richards is smiling.
- JDJoey Diaz
Bill, we should go... I would love to see Mick Jagger still pull 21-year-olds out of the audience.
- JRJoe Rogan
I bet they feel so weird when he fucks them. It must feel so weird. Like, you wanna do it. Like, if I was a girl, I was 20 years old, I would fuck Mick Jagger just for the story. But when he climbs on top of you and you smell death, you smell it coming out of his pores. Ah...
- JDJoey Diaz
He's not...
- JRJoe Rogan
Ah...
- JDJoey Diaz
He's just old. He's a bad motherf-
- JRJoe Rogan
He just... Just bad cells.
- JDJoey Diaz
... the fuck-
- JRJoe Rogan
You smell misfiring cells all over the place.
- JDJoey Diaz
Listen, when we were growing up, bro, 70-year-old people didn't look like that. 70-year-old people-
- JRJoe Rogan
No.
- JDJoey Diaz
... were not going on the road.
- JRJoe Rogan
They weren't dancing like that.
- JDJoey Diaz
And they weren't touring like that. That's something that you have to... And this is a new thing.
- JRJoe Rogan
And this is a new... You have to d-... You know what-
- JDJoey Diaz
Well, it's discipline. It's a new th-... All these band-... First of all, all these bands that are going on are in their 60s. Ozzy... How about... Somebody called me the other day and they're like, "Hey, man. I'm doi-... Thinking of doing something New Year's Eve downtown." You know I hate New Year's Eve-
- JRJoe Rogan
Right.
- JDJoey Diaz
... and I hate downtown even more. Fucking Ozzy Osborne is doing the Forum, New Year's Eve. Ozzy Osborne.
- JRJoe Rogan
The Western Forum?
- JDJoey Diaz
The only Forum I fucking know in LA-
- JRJoe Rogan
In Inglewood?
- JDJoey Diaz
Yeah, with Rob Zombie and Marilyn Manson-
- JRJoe Rogan
Oh.
- JDJoey Diaz
... and fucking just... And I'm sitting there going, "70 years old and he's doing New Year's Eve at the fucking Forum."
- JRJoe Rogan
He probably got to. He's probably got to.
- JDJoey Diaz
At the For-
- JRJoe Rogan
His wife probably tells him, "Fuck outta the house. Go. Make money. Make money."
- JDJoey Diaz
New Year's Eve at the Forum, Joe.
- JRJoe Rogan
They connect his ankles together with rubber bands so he can't make big steps. You ever see how he walks? You see how he's a little...
- JDJoey Diaz
Is that true or are you just goofing on me?
- 1:00:00 – 1:11:53
Well, the Yale thing…
- JRJoe Rogan
And that's the, that's frat houses.
- JDJoey Diaz
Well, the Yale thing scared me. That's when I thought, you know, those guys are rich white kids, dog.
- JRJoe Rogan
Mm-hmm.
- JDJoey Diaz
You know what happens-
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- JDJoey Diaz
... when you got a little bit of money, everything's been covered up all their lives.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- JDJoey Diaz
Everything's been covered up all their lives, you know. When I was a kid, I knew this girl, they used to call her Mindy Head, and on Friday nights they'd get in the car and they'd drive her to, like, fucking Connecticut and tell her she had to suck all their dicks to get home. God knows where that poor girl is today.
- JRJoe Rogan
Oh.
- JDJoey Diaz
Last time I saw her was 1993 getting coke in a building in Harlem. (laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
Ooh.
- JDJoey Diaz
And she's like, "You gotta save me."
- JRJoe Rogan
Ooh.
- JDJoey Diaz
"I'm with some guy in a car. He doesn't wanna leave me alone." I'm like, "Listen, bitch. I'm walking to my car. I never saw you before in my life." (laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- JDJoey Diaz
I swear to God-
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- JDJoey Diaz
... I bumped into her in a cop house on 181st Street, 10 years after high school.
- JRJoe Rogan
Sh-
- JDJoey Diaz
I'm in the fucking fourth floor with some Dominicans. I'm walking down the stairs and there's Mindy Head. And she's like, "What are you doing here?" "The same thing you're fucking doing here, obviously."
- JRJoe Rogan
(sighs) (laughs)
- JDJoey Diaz
You know?
- JRJoe Rogan
What's fucked up is, for some people, their experiences in high school define them. You know, I just watched that, uh, Stephen King movie, It. The- the mo- most recent one.
- JDJoey Diaz
With the clown?
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah. Pretty fucking good. But one- one of the things that I was thinking when I was watching it was, like, how fucking mean kids are in school to each other. Like, uh, you kind of forget about that. And you-
- JDJoey Diaz
(coughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
And then you watch one of those movies about people being mean to people and you're like, "Oh, yeah, I remember," w- going around to get away from a guy that was picking on me, that was fucking with me and, like, you would be scared of running into him at the bus stop and scared of seeing him after school. And that's how I got into martial arts in the first place. I got tired of being scared. Scared of people, scared of getting picked on.
- JDJoey Diaz
I was into martial arts when I was still fucking scared.
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs) I was scared too, afterwards.
- JDJoey Diaz
Let me tell you something. The- the funniest thing about the movie It was, that it fucked with clowns.
Episode duration: 3:17:14
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