EVERY SPOKEN WORD
150 min read · 30,045 words- 0:02 – 2:12
Quitting weed, edibles vs smoking, and stomach issues
- JRJoe Rogan
Three, two... What the fuck were you saying, Joey Diaz?
- JDJoey Diaz
I said that once you're clean for 29 days without smoking reefer, that's it. Why go back?
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs) What?
- JDJoey Diaz
Yeah!
- JRJoe Rogan
I like it.
- JDJoey Diaz
No.
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- JDJoey Diaz
If I fucking stayed clean from reefer for 29 days, I'd go, (claps hands) I'd let my lungs fucking heal from the abuse I've inflicted on them the last 30 fucking years.
- JRJoe Rogan
What about edibles? What about sprays?
- JDJoey Diaz
Uh, first of all-
- JRJoe Rogan
You know, the, the Jamba sprays?
- JDJoey Diaz
First of all, I haven't had an edible since like... I broke it in Boston September 29th, so out of respect for Sober October, I didn't do an edible. I haven't done edibles. I, I... Something was wrong with my stomach so I figured out it, I was, uh, lactose tolerant-
- JRJoe Rogan
Lactose intolerant? (laughs)
- JDJoey Diaz
Lactose intolerant. I fucking eat mozzarella cheese or milk and I'm farting up... You know, it's a nightmare.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- JDJoey Diaz
So I had to cut that out of my diet. No mozzarella cheese. Light on the American cheese now. No Swiss no more. No Cuban sandwiches.
- JRJoe Rogan
Really?
- JDJoey Diaz
It's fucking crazy. And then I had to cut out... The edibles were giving me a weird feeling.
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs) Like what?
- JDJoey Diaz
Like, it had, it had just gone... It had just gone somewhere else and I didn't like the hunger issues.
- JRJoe Rogan
Oh, the munchies? Yeah.
- JDJoey Diaz
The hunger issues after 11:00 were just monstrous. Like here I am working hard to lose weight, I'd stick to it and then I go home, I start with an apple, another apple-
- JRJoe Rogan
Mm-hmm.
- JDJoey Diaz
... a banana, another banana. Then you gotta bust out the salami sandwich with the fucking American... You know.
- JRJoe Rogan
Right.
- JDJoey Diaz
It was just, uh, it was just getting bad. I could not control it. Could not. Uncontrollable. The hunger from edibles every minute after 11:00 for me was uncontrollable.
- JRJoe Rogan
Well, you get blitzkrieg. You don't just get like a little fucked up.
- JDJoey Diaz
No. No, and it starts early. It was starting early, 2:00 in the afternoon, then pop another two at fucking 6:00.
- JRJoe Rogan
Do you like vaporizing?
- JDJoey Diaz
No.
- 2:12 – 4:58
Weight loss strategy: breakfast, fasting skepticism, and old eating habits
- JDJoey Diaz
Because I don't wake up with hunger. See, that was my problem all those years. I wouldn't eat till 1:00. If, if you wanna be a fat fuck, don't eat till 1:00 when you wake up because then you gotta make up for it the rest of the day. So now I have to force myself to eat.
- JRJoe Rogan
What do you mean?
- JDJoey Diaz
Because a lot of you guys like the, uh-
- JRJoe Rogan
Intermittent fasting?
- JDJoey Diaz
... intermittent fasting, I can't live with that.
- JRJoe Rogan
What do you mean?
- JDJoey Diaz
My shit goes up and down, my blood pressure, my blood sugar, so I c- I could never intermittent fast. But in the old days, I'd be coked up and I'd wake up speedy still-
- JRJoe Rogan
Right.
- JDJoey Diaz
... so I wouldn't eat breakfast, but I'd start eating at 1:00 or 2:00 and would not stop till fucking 2:00 in the morning. You saw me.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- JDJoey Diaz
I'd be eating those pink dot sandwiches like they were nothing, two meatball sandwiches at 12:00 because I wouldn't eat breakfast. I forced myself to eat, you know, for years where I was eating every six hours. You're supposed to eat a smaller portion, you know what I'm saying? So-
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah, that's what people were thinking.
- JDJoey Diaz
I gotta eat breakfast and I could eat two egg yolks, a piece of wheat toast and fruit and I'm good. Like for Sober October, I gave up bacon.
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- JDJoey Diaz
I only eat two pieces of bacon. It's four, five points on Weight Watchers. That's all I'm allowed. But at least I'm allowed two pieces of bacon.
- JRJoe Rogan
Two pieces of bacon is all you really need.
- JDJoey Diaz
That's all you need.
- JRJoe Rogan
You can eat more than two pieces of bacon.
- JDJoey Diaz
Let me tell you something.
- JRJoe Rogan
You're just getting greedy.
- JDJoey Diaz
When I was 418, between you and I, my wife who's from the South would make the whole packet of Oscar Mayer Center Cut bacon, the whole pack every morning. That was my breakfast.
- JRJoe Rogan
You'd eat the whole packet?
- JDJoey Diaz
The whole package with three eggs, a half a loaf of Wonder Bread and butter and a 16 ounce Coke to boot.
- JRJoe Rogan
A Coke on top of it?
- JDJoey Diaz
Oh, yeah. I could drink two Cokes for breakfast.
- JRJoe Rogan
Ugh!
- JDJoey Diaz
Remember, I grew up in the East Coast and I caught a bad habit early on. After my mother died, I caught that. I didn't... I wouldn't eat at home. I would leave and eat at the deli. I went on the... Remember when fucking cream cheese and jelly on a, on a roll was big?
- JRJoe Rogan
Oh, yeah.
- JDJoey Diaz
You know what that does to your system?
- JRJoe Rogan
Terrible.
- 4:58 – 6:33
Progress with Weight Watchers and fitness tracking (without gadgets)
- JRJoe Rogan
Now, how long you been doing this Weight Watchers thing now?
- JDJoey Diaz
Since December 9th.
- JRJoe Rogan
So almost a year?
- JDJoey Diaz
Yeah, but I've been, I've been on-
- JRJoe Rogan
Close to another year. 11 months now?
- JDJoey Diaz
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
-Ish?
- JDJoey Diaz
Yeah, 11 months-ish.
- JRJoe Rogan
That's pretty good.
- JDJoey Diaz
30 pounds.
- JRJoe Rogan
That's nice.
- JDJoey Diaz
And I didn't-
- JRJoe Rogan
That's a good weight over that amount of time because it's gradual.
- JDJoey Diaz
And I didn't... And the only week I missed my fitness goals, I have to have 72 points of activity and I only missed it one time. I had the flu.
- JRJoe Rogan
What, what's a point of activity? How do you... What do you get?
- JDJoey Diaz
So if I go to Muay Thai at 9:00, I only really... It's an hour class, but I only put 30 minutes down to Muay Thai training. If we do circuit training with a ball-
- JRJoe Rogan
Mm-hmm.
- JDJoey Diaz
... or ropes and shit, then I put whatever the amount. If it's eight stations at 30 seconds a station...
- JRJoe Rogan
Do you wear a heart rate monitor or anything? Or a watch?
- JDJoey Diaz
No, no, no, no. I don't wanna hear... Listen, I don't wanna hear, I don't wanna see. You know what? When I had that fucking ear infection, I used to have to work out with earplugs on and I'd get high and go throw sidekicks for Jesus. You don't know what life is-
- JRJoe Rogan
So when you had the ear infection, the earplugs kept your equilibrium in balance?
- JDJoey Diaz
No, it would keep sweat from going in my ear.
- JRJoe Rogan
Oh.
- JDJoey Diaz
You don't know what life is when you're working out and you can hear your heartbeat.... but yeah, boom, boom, boom. (singing) That's trippy shit. Like-
- JRJoe Rogan
You know, Everlast has a ticker. He's got an artificial valve, and he puts the microphone up to his chest, you hear (clicking) .
- JDJoey Diaz
No, I don't want to hear that shit.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- JDJoey Diaz
Like 60 Minutes?
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah, it's trippy. (laughs)
- JDJoey Diaz
Like the beginning of 60 Minutes?
- 6:33 – 10:35
Sober October mindset, stage comedown rituals, and late-night writing
- JDJoey Diaz
(laughs) Yeah, but if I was clean of, off weed for 29 days, I might as well go for it for at least a year.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah. Let's round back around to that.
- JDJoey Diaz
And then make a come- and then make a comeback.
- JRJoe Rogan
Why? I enjoy marijuana.
- JDJoey Diaz
Just make a comeback, just to see what, what it'd be like. I don't-
- JRJoe Rogan
I'll tell you one thing that did happen last year when we did Sober October and I took a month off. When I started back again, I'd get nervous.
- JDJoey Diaz
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
I'd get real nervous.
- JDJoey Diaz
Yeah, yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
I'd get scared to do it, and I'd go on stage, I'd feel real strange.
- JDJoey Diaz
Yeah. No, no, no.
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- JDJoey Diaz
Somebody once told me, a great woman once told me that, uh, if you think getting high in life is weird, wait till you stop getting high, and it's a different-
- JRJoe Rogan
Ooh.
- JDJoey Diaz
... fucking adventure. And she's true-
- JRJoe Rogan
That's ... She's right.
- JDJoey Diaz
... in a lot of aspects.
- JRJoe Rogan
She's right.
- JDJoey Diaz
I, I called you o- one ... October 2nd, one night, I got home from The Comedy Store. You know when you get home from The Original Room, dawg. Y- especially when you're going ... It was one of those nights when I went in there and I was Rocky Balboa. I just touched gloves and I measured and I just started going to the body for-
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- JDJoey Diaz
For 15 minutes. I remember driving up Laurel Canyon, going, "What am I gonna do with myself?" And I went home, and it was like October 2nd, it was 11:30, and I started smoking reefer to calm down a little bit. And I went down, and I started with Sign o' the Times by Prince.
- JRJoe Rogan
Mm.
- JDJoey Diaz
And I just left it on autoplay, and it just took me into a Prince fucking cave, and I ended up on Beautiful Ones, when he starts singing-
- JRJoe Rogan
Mm.
- JDJoey Diaz
... "Do you want him?" And I called you up. I'm like, "This is why I can't do Sober October."
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- JDJoey Diaz
Because I get so high at night, to come down off the stage, when you get off stage, you need something. And since I don't drink, I'm scared to come up that hill drinking. I have to smoke reefer to come down at night. And music, that's the only thing that calms me down at night.
- JRJoe Rogan
Do you write at night after your sets?
- JDJoey Diaz
I write about what h- Yeah. I try to write how lucky I am that I'm still performing at The Store at 55.
- JRJoe Rogan
(gasps) .
- 10:35 – 14:39
Mitzi Shore’s Comedy Store “technique” and the art of managing a room
- JDJoey Diaz
I'd rather just go down to The Store, throw something out there, and fucking get excited. And like I told you, I'm not going anywhere else no more in Los Angeles. I'm going back to The Store.
- JRJoe Rogan
No improv s- spots?
- JDJoey Diaz
Especially after I shot the Netflix special and everything, it all came to me after that, that 10 year- And especially after she died. You know how people ... You ever go to like an acting class and people refer to Stanislavski and all this shit? 10 years from now, people are gonna be referring to the Mitzi Shore technique. There was something that every ki- I was talking to Duncan about it, I talked to Ari about it. I know she said something to us at one point that we were like, "Wow." Something. I remember (laughs) I was telling this on my podcast, that there was a time sh- she didn't like you doing that in the cold pit in the main room.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah, she hated it. (laughs)
- JDJoey Diaz
(laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
She wouldn't let me do it in the main room.
- JDJoey Diaz
In the main room.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- JDJoey Diaz
In the original r-
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- JDJoey Diaz
How fucking crazy is that? That's to show you her genius, in a way. Like, she was like, "Joe, uh, you can light yourself on fire in the original room."
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- JDJoey Diaz
"I don't give a fuck. But in the main room, you can't do that because you're killing my room." Like, the comics afterward just could not follow it. Like, they could just not follow it. That lesson right there-
- JRJoe Rogan
Well, it was a fucked up bit. The bit-
- JDJoey Diaz
Tha-
- JRJoe Rogan
It was about, uh-
- JDJoey Diaz
It was brilliant, but it ... Think about it.
- JRJoe Rogan
There's no good versions of that bit anywhere. There's one version that I did that's up on you- It's terrible, it's a terrible version. That, th- there's no solid versions of that bit, but that bit was right when that guy died, J. Howard Marshall.
- JDJoey Diaz
(laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs) He dies and it was all about him getting Anna Nicole Smith to do shit to him before he died.
- JDJoey Diaz
(laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs) Just send her in the money.
- JDJoey Diaz
"But Father, she's trying to take your money." "I don't give a fuck. I wanna get my balls licked." Or something like that.
- JRJoe Rogan
It was a crazy bit, but Mitzi didn't like it too, because she didn't like bits that were making fun of old people, 'cause, you know, her health was deteriorating too.
- JDJoey Diaz
(sighs)
- JRJoe Rogan
She... There was a couple of bits in it she didn't like. (laughs)
- JDJoey Diaz
(laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
This is... This fucking picture of him, he's a million years old and she's hot as the sun and she's sitting on his lap.
- JDJoey Diaz
(laughs) Look at him. Look at the smile on his face, dawg.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah. Oh, man, I loved him. I loved that whole scene. I loved what it was. I loved it 'cause it was so blatant, you know? It was just so blatant. But she didn't like that bit. She didn't like the Hugh Hefner bit either. She didn't like that bit. Those are good. When Hugh Hefner told those girlies... Look at... She's kissing him. Oh, my... Jesus Christ. Uh. He's in a wheelchair while she's marrying him. I mean, it was a damn classic. That, that, that, that scene of him and her getting married, she's so young and so hot and he's so old and wrecked and rich as fuck in a wheelchair. It's such a classic scenario. It was so good. (laughs)
- 14:39 – 16:38
Wealth, rich women lists, and the Theranos/Elizabeth Holmes fraud story
- JRJoe Rogan
Oh. But fourth richest woman. Do you know, out of the richest women in the world, Google the richest women in the world, like, where they got their money from? It's rough. It's rough out there, guys. They, they ain't fucking starting businesses. (laughs) They're marrying dummies. (laughs)
- JDJoey Diaz
Really?
- JRJoe Rogan
Yes.
- JDJoey Diaz
Is that how they got that rich?
- JRJoe Rogan
It's... Almost all of it is divorce. Almost all of it's divorce money. The w-... Feminists, do not want to hear this, but there was one woman who was the richest woman ever from, uh, a startup company. Uh, Elizabeth... What was her name? From Theranos?
- NANarrator
Oh, yeah. She bloody took it all.
- JRJoe Rogan
Was it... What was her name? Elizabeth something. Not Smith. What was it? Something...
- NANarrator
Holmes.
- JRJoe Rogan
Holmes. Elizabeth Holmes. She had a... Ran a company called Theranos. She started it herself, dropped out of college to start this company and it was a total fraud. It was all fraudulent. She's going to jail forever. (laughs)
- NANarrator
Oh.
- JRJoe Rogan
She was worth $34 billion at one point. It was a blood testing company and what it was, was they just take a prick of your blood. Instead of taking a bunch of your blood, like getting your blood drawn, the, the... Her thing was like, "Let's just be able to take a prick of the blood, just a little tiny prick, like you go to a store, get a prick of your blood, and they're gonna be able to do a battery of tests on you and find out what's going on." The problem was, it didn't fucking work and they, they falsified all sorts of data and they lied to investors and all sorts of shit. This lady, she used to dress like Steve Jobs. She wore a black turtleneck and everything. And I saw her speak once.
- JDJoey Diaz
Oh.
- NANarrator
No.
- JRJoe Rogan
Here it goes.
- NANarrator
Nah, just...
- JRJoe Rogan
"Elizabeth Holmes indicted on fraud." Oh, the... They got you with the fucking pop-up ad, New York T-... There she is.
- JDJoey Diaz
Oh.
- JRJoe Rogan
She's going to jail. She's fucked.
- JDJoey Diaz
Oh, I want-
- JRJoe Rogan
But she was, she was, at one point in time, the richest self-made person in the world. The richest self-made woman in the world. She was worth billions of dollars.
- JDJoey Diaz
The shit people do.
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- 16:38 – 19:51
Classic scams: Crazy Eddie, marketing hype, and investor deception
- JDJoey Diaz
I watched that thing the other day on Crazy Eddie. Do you remember Crazy Eddie when he w-
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah. Crazy Eddie. "His prices are insane." (laughs)
- JDJoey Diaz
Did you know what Crazy Eddie did? He was-
- JRJoe Rogan
Well, tell everybody who Crazy Eddie was.
- JDJoey Diaz
Crazy Eddie was a guy that had stores in all five boroughs of New York, wholesale outlets for stereos-
- JRJoe Rogan
TDs.
- JDJoey Diaz
... TVs and everything like that. I saw... I was watching MSNBC, uh, Greed. They have a series called Greed.
- JRJoe Rogan
There he is. (laughs) Give us... Let me hear this motherfucker.
- NANarrator
... video games, TVs, VCRs, stereo systems, telephones, telephone answering machines, anything and everything in home entertainment and watching home appliances too. (upbeat music) Remember, we are not undersold, we will not be undersold, we cannot be undersold, and we mean it. Santa knows that the best deals in town are at Crazy Eddie's during Crazy Eddie's Christmas Blowout Blitz. See Crazy Eddie now. His prices are insane. (upbeat music)
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- JDJoey Diaz
(laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
He's, he's wearing a Santa Claus outfit. He's going fucking crazy with fake snow in the background.
- JDJoey Diaz
He fucking-
- NANarrator
Oh.
- JDJoey Diaz
... like, just this... Like, he, like, hit it out of the park.
- JRJoe Rogan
Didn't he go to Israel? Did he, like, flee?
- JDJoey Diaz
He went to Israel to hide, to flee.
- JRJoe Rogan
Okay.
- JDJoey Diaz
But the most brilliant thing he did was he took... You know, don't, don't fucking... You know, check, fact me on this. He took either his nephew, his son-in-law, somebody that he was related to through blood, put them through college so he could get a job at the IRS so they could figure out how to rob from the IRS.
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- NANarrator
(laughs)
- JDJoey Diaz
This is how fucking insane this guy was.
- JRJoe Rogan
Oh.
- JDJoey Diaz
I'm watching this diet-
- JRJoe Rogan
Oh. (laughs)
- JDJoey Diaz
... and how they got Crazy Eddie-
- JRJoe Rogan
Oh my God.
- JDJoey Diaz
Right. Crazy Eddie fled after he started just buying boxes-... you know how you... Remember years ago, you- you'd be driving i- in New York, and there was some guy selling stereo speakers?
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- JDJoey Diaz
And then you'd take them home, and it was two bricks?
- 19:51 – 23:44
Imus vs Stern and why shock radio changed entertainment
- JRJoe Rogan
I miss the Imus thing because I came in l- like I remember, uh, I found out about Imus because Howard Stern was talking shit about him, and I was like, "Who is this Imus guy?"
- JDJoey Diaz
Imus was around when I was a kid.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah, it was way... I, I got in way late.
- JDJoey Diaz
Imus was, when I was like... Imus was already-
- JRJoe Rogan
He was already real old.
- JDJoey Diaz
Imus was the fucking king of New York when I was eight, nine. Imus would come on in the morning and talk shit.
- JRJoe Rogan
When I saw him, he was wearing like a turquoise, one of those, uh, weird ties, those bolo ties that like cowboys wear, and he had a fucking cowboy hat on. And his whole studio was done like, uh, well, like the West. It was real weird.
- JDJoey Diaz
Yeah, he got weird at the end. He pulled it-
- JRJoe Rogan
But it was really... He's wearing cowboy boots and shit. It was like, "Are you a rancher?"
- JDJoey Diaz
Yeah, yeah. He got weird at the end.
- JRJoe Rogan
You're doing a fucking AM radio show from New York City. Like what is this?
- JDJoey Diaz
Poor Imus got fucked up, and they were paying him. I mean, he was on for a while.
- JRJoe Rogan
Remember he said nappy headed hoes, and they're like, "Cut."
- JDJoey Diaz
That's it. (laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
That was it. He called people nappy headed hoes.
- JDJoey Diaz
Well, he tried to compete with Stern, right? That's what it was. There wasn't something at the end.
- JRJoe Rogan
It was definitely some of that.
- JDJoey Diaz
Something of that.
- JRJoe Rogan
But he was, you know, he was trying to be outrageous even before Stern, I believe. It just wasn't at the same level. Stern's outrageousness was nationwide, but Imus was really like an East Coast thing. Like people knew about him in New York. I never heard about him in New York or in Boston rather.
- JDJoey Diaz
In Boston, no.
- JRJoe Rogan
But I had heard about Stern. We all knew about Stern, but nobody, nobody really knew about... Like it never made it there, you know? And then when I came to New York, it was at the end, like when Stern was already the king and Imus was just sort of like this guy that he hated. And I was like, "Who is this I-man?" Like, "Who is this Imus guy?" And then they had a TV show for a while, and then during the TV show, we'd see him in the studio, and it was, you know, no disrespect, but it was really fucking boring. It was boring. Like there, there was no life to them, like their opinions weren't that interesting. It was him, and then there was another guy there that looked like he was just waiting for the fucking buzzer to ring.
- JDJoey Diaz
Yeah, he was just... Yeah, no. No, no, no.
- JRJoe Rogan
He's waiting to go home, and then there was a woman that was with him. It was, it was... There was no life in the room. Like you watch The Stern Show, there'd be midgets shooting bottle rockets out of their assholes and porn stars riding dildos, and it was chaos. There was plastic all over the ground because the girls would be squirting. It was just madness. Like no one had ever done... Not that that's good or bad, but it was, it was exciting. Like you're, you're driving to work in the morning. You're hearing some girl freaking out because she's riding on some fucking s- (clears throat) that Sybian thing he'd make girls ride on. And like that w- it was madness. So like that, that... Like you had never heard anything like that on the radio before. So then you would hear about Imus and Imus like, "Well, what have we got here this morning? Oh, just nappy headed hoes. (laughs) Like what?"
- JDJoey Diaz
Yeah, he tried to just be at the end.
- JRJoe Rogan
It was just... It was... In comparison, it was so... It was dead. It was like, it was dry.
- JDJoey Diaz
Kenison on Stern was great.
- JRJoe Rogan
Oh my God, he was amazing.
- JDJoey Diaz
Fucking Flavor Flav the one time on Stern. I mean, there's so many great Sterns.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah. Dude-
- JDJoey Diaz
Artie was so great back then.
- 23:44 – 27:47
Old neighborhood stories: nicknames, delis, and rough-edged nostalgia
- JDJoey Diaz
P- Belushi had the same problem.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yep, yep.
- JDJoey Diaz
The other guy, God rest his soul, had the same problem. There's a niche you fall into. I remember there was a pizza parlor when I was a kid. His name was Nick the Greek. Fucking tremendous pizza. Even though he was Greek, like we let it slide. He put the Sicilian by the window, and it, it was... The flies would land on it. It was like the airport for the flies. They would land... We would break his balls, Nick. But I remember I went in on a Quaalude one night, fucked up to the gills with vomit all over my shirt, and every time he'd see me, he'd call me fucking Belushi.... that's when Belushi almost died. It was... And he would ev- For years he called me Fucking Belushi. And there was another kid who had a beard and he'd call him Ayatollah Khomeini. Like, he had nicknames for us, but that's a weird... It bothered me after a while. He would call me Belushi. And when Belushi died, it really started bothering me. Like, am I next? He would call me Belushi to my face, "Look who it is, Fucking Belushi."
- JRJoe Rogan
Whoa.
- JDJoey Diaz
I was fucked up.
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- JDJoey Diaz
I went in there one night on a Quaalude and opened up the red pepper and threw it at him.
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- JDJoey Diaz
And... But I used to sell him jewelry. Like, I would sell him stolen jew- Me and Nick were tight. Nick was the pizza parlor 50 yards from the high school. And you could run a tab with Nick. And Nick used to... I used to give Nick jewelry and he would look at me and he would go, "Speak, how much do you think that's worth?" 'Cause jewelry was $800 an ounce at that time, gold. And I would bring him jewelry. He would look at it and then take it, give me money, and put it in one of his pockets from his-
- JRJoe Rogan
His apron?
- JDJoey Diaz
... the fucking apron. So two days later I'd go in there and go, "Nick, let me use your bathroom." And I'd go in there and stick my hand in the apron and take the jewelry back.
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- JDJoey Diaz
And then a week later I'd go back to him, "Nick, how much for the ring?" And he'd look at me and he was racist as fuck. Like, he would either call me Belushi or Spic to my face like it didn't matter.
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- JDJoey Diaz
There was a kid... You know, this is on Kennedy Boulevard, this is a big boulevard. And there was a kid that would come in there, and I'm still dear friends with, that his family had money. And he would go in there and buy a slice of pizza, but he would cross the street because the iced tea across the street was a dime cheaper. Remember when iced tea came in those fucking cardboard, milk cardboards?
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- JDJoey Diaz
He would always cross the street. So Nick would be having a conversation with us like, "What's going on?" And all of a sudden he'd go, "What's..." And we'd go, "He went across the street to get the iced tea." He would fucking flip out. He'd run from behind the counter, run onto Kennedy Boulevard, hundreds of people would be out there and I, I... He'd yell at the kid, "Tony, you fucking Jew!"
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- JDJoey Diaz
You... "Fuck you, fucking Jew!" The kid wasn't Jewish. He was Italian. He was just cheap and shit like that, that's it.
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- JDJoey Diaz
(laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
10 cents. That... You gotta be pretty cheap to run across the street for 10 cents.
- JDJoey Diaz
It was 45 cents for the iced tea, but at Hashway's it was 35 cents.
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- JDJoey Diaz
And he would run across the street. Then the Hashway's Deli was great because the mother was losing their hair. So every time you got a sandwich, you get a little piece of hair in your food.
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- JDJoey Diaz
And so you'd get... You wouldn't get hair, you'd go, "Mrs. Hash, you didn't give anyone no hair today."
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- JDJoey Diaz
Everything had a little piece of her hair in it.
- JRJoe Rogan
Oh, Jesus Christ.
- 27:47 – 34:49
Aging quirks: alopecia, eyebrows, and the body’s weird trade-offs
- JRJoe Rogan
There's something about a la- A dude wearing... Losing his hair, it's bu- It's fucking devastating. But a woman losing her hair, way more devastating. There's something about a woman, woman... Women losing their hair, it kills them.
- JDJoey Diaz
Really?
- JRJoe Rogan
Oh, it's so sad. Yeah. So I've seen women lose their hair. It's, it's awful. You know, they get alopecia. You know, alopecia is weird, like you could lose your eyebrows. You know, people lose their eyebrows. They lose, like... Sometimes shit just starts falling off.
- JDJoey Diaz
I had a... There's a singer, there's a popular singer in a band and he's got alopecia. And I just saw it, they busted him out, it's 30 years later. You didn't know? That was a wig even then.
- JRJoe Rogan
Mm-hmm.
- JDJoey Diaz
And I knew about him growing up that he would just lose his hair, you know, from time to time.
- JRJoe Rogan
Some guys lose their eyelashes, they lose everything.
- JDJoey Diaz
That's fucked up when you lose your eyelashes.
- JRJoe Rogan
It's crazy. Yeah.
- JDJoey Diaz
And I'm getting older, like my hairline is receding, but my eye line's getting bushier.
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs) Yeah, your eyebrows.
- JDJoey Diaz
Eyebrows.
- JRJoe Rogan
You get some crazy eyebrows.
- JDJoey Diaz
Bro, they're getting bushier as shit.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah, it's weird.
- JDJoey Diaz
Sometimes I'm driving at night and there's something in my vision-
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs) You drive with an eyebrow.
- JDJoey Diaz
... and I gotta go home and I gotta fucking chop an eyebrow.
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- JDJoey Diaz
It's like a satellite. I go... And I ask my wife, "Don't you see this shit?"
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah, old guys, it's like old Scottish guys, old Irish guys, Scottish guys, they get fucking caterpillars growing out of their eyebrows.
- JDJoey Diaz
No, I got no hair on my legs. I got minimal hair on my shoulders. I got no hair on my back. I'm one of those guys.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah, you don't have any hair on your arms or anything either.
- JDJoey Diaz
Nothing. Nothing. I got hair that grows out of my ears. There's times I stuck a Q-tip in my ear and I can hear the hair twisting-
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- JDJoey Diaz
... in my fucking ear. You know what that's like? My eyebrows, bro, get bushy as fuck. I gotta bring scissors with me on the road to trim mine 'cause... In your, in your mirror at home you don't see this shit.
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- JDJoey Diaz
Until you get on the road with light and a hotel room-
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- JDJoey Diaz
... and you're like, "Look at this fucking hair growing out of my nose."
- 34:49 – 39:53
Marriage economics: massive divorce settlements and ‘lifestyle’ arguments
- JRJoe Rogan
Getting divorced. Getting paid. I know a lady who, uh, just got p- p- p- p- p- p- paid from a divorce and she's just shooting shit into her face and banging 20-year-olds now. It's hilarious. She's in her late 40s, banging 20-year-old dudes. (laughs)
- JDJoey Diaz
How rough must that must be to cut-
- JRJoe Rogan
It's funny, man.
- JDJoey Diaz
... to cut that check? I know a-
- JRJoe Rogan
For the guy?
- JDJoey Diaz
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- JDJoey Diaz
That shit's so hard.
- JRJoe Rogan
It's rough. I've, I've known guys. I knew a guy who, uh, he cut a check for somewhere in the neighborhood of $50 million. Yeah. To his ex.
- JDJoey Diaz
I know a guy who cuts a check for 30 grand a month, G. 30 grand a month, he still writes a check.
- JRJoe Rogan
Oh, I know a couple of guys who pay that.
- JDJoey Diaz
And that, and that was, that was not beside the half million upfront.
- JRJoe Rogan
Oh, yeah.
- JDJoey Diaz
A house.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yep.
- JDJoey Diaz
Two cars.
- JRJoe Rogan
Mm-hmm.
- JDJoey Diaz
Like he just walked away.
- JRJoe Rogan
I know a guy who's paying close to that and he hasn't even seen his wife. He's been married to a new woman, a different woman for 14 years. At least, yeah, 14 years and he was only married to that lady for 12. And he's still cutting her checks and no kids. He's got kids with the new woman. The old woman, no kids, still cutting her fat checks. Tries to bring it to court, try to reduce the amount of money, she fights him tooth and nail. "You son of a bitch, you left me." He left her 14 fucking years ago, man. They were only together for 12 years. It's like she doesn't wanna work. He, it's... He fucked her so hard she can't work anymore.... it's crazy. If it was a man, if the situation was reversed and the guy was dating a girl, and they were dating for 12 years and she was like, "I'm tired of this. I'm going to go fuck some new dude." And the guy took her to court, got money from her and wanted money still 14 years later. What kind of a fucking man would that be? Like get a job. Go do something with your life. You are a human being. You met another human being, you spent some time with them, they don't want to be with you anymore, it's over. Like (slaps table) this, there's no, there's no children-
- JDJoey Diaz
Now, what are you going to-
- JRJoe Rogan
... to take care of.
- JDJoey Diaz
... What do you tell the judge? That you want your lifestyle, right?
- JRJoe Rogan
Yes.
- JDJoey Diaz
The lifestyle that you were accustomed to.
- JRJoe Rogan
I want to maintain my lifestyle, Judge. I like to buy nice purses. I like to walk my little dog. I like to put him in a little, a little purse.
- JDJoey Diaz
Now, in California there's different factors also. You have to be with that person for 10 years or something, right?
- JRJoe Rogan
Uh, this, this-
- JDJoey Diaz
There's little factors-
- JRJoe Rogan
... yeah.
- JDJoey Diaz
... There's a couple by the ways.
- 39:53 – 47:02
Rockstar longevity: Mick Jagger’s discipline, touring at 70+, and Keith Richards’ hands
- JDJoey Diaz
Oh, yeah. He don't fuck around. That guy (instrumental music plays) he, before he was in-
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs) .
- JDJoey Diaz
... in the Stones, w- j- Jamie, what's the school he went to? He went... Don't make me say something wrong. He went to the School of Whales or something for business.
- JRJoe Rogan
Ah.
- JDJoey Diaz
He's all about the cheddar. He's, for the last 15 years he's just been impregnating women all over-
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- JDJoey Diaz
... the country and cutting them a check and saying-
- NANarrator
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- JDJoey Diaz
... you know. He just-
- NANarrator
London School of Economics.
- JRJoe Rogan
Oh.
- JDJoey Diaz
Yeah. No, no, no, no.
- NANarrator
(laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- JDJoey Diaz
Listen, when it comes to... Bro, when it comes to LaMe- there's stories that you hear that you're like, "No he didn't." Like, "No, he did not."
- NANarrator
What a drag it is getting old.
- JDJoey Diaz
Getting old. Do you see him, do you ever see him-
- NANarrator
Da, da, dam. Da, da, dam.
- JDJoey Diaz
Joe Rogan, do you ever see any of his rehearsal things? Do you ever see any of his vid- do you follow him at all?
- JRJoe Rogan
I follow him, yeah.
- JDJoey Diaz
Do you see any of the videos that he does of him working out in the afternoons at 72 years old?
- JRJoe Rogan
Oh, he works out hard, man. Hard.
- JDJoey Diaz
Like him dancing still like Michael Jackson-
- JRJoe Rogan
Works out twice a day.
- JDJoey Diaz
... and all that stuff? That guy does not fuck around.
- JRJoe Rogan
No.
- JDJoey Diaz
And I still remember one particular story where he got to Boulder. They played the, where the Boulder Buffalo with the, with the college players. And he walked in and he goes, "What's wrong with those seats?" And they were like, "Well, Mr. Jagger, they're behind the stage." "Bitch, you better get to selling 'cause I ain't taking the stage until those motherfuckers are sold out."
- JRJoe Rogan
He sold the t- the tickets behind the stage? (laughs)
- JDJoey Diaz
Mick Jagger's brutal.
- 47:02 – 52:35
Rocky/Creed love letter: Stallone’s legacy and real fight injuries
- JDJoey Diaz
Tell me you saw the trailer for-
- JRJoe Rogan
Creed?
- JDJoey Diaz
... for Creed. (laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
It was... The first one was good.
- JDJoey Diaz
Did you watch it?
- JRJoe Rogan
I enjoyed it. Yes.
- JDJoey Diaz
Did you... I told you.
- JRJoe Rogan
It's good.
- JDJoey Diaz
I called you and said, "Watch it."
- JRJoe Rogan
It's good.
- JDJoey Diaz
It's not an Academy Award winner.
- JRJoe Rogan
No.
- JDJoey Diaz
But you-
- JRJoe Rogan
It's a decent movie.
- JDJoey Diaz
You know, man? For years, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know how I felt about Sylvester Stallone.
- JRJoe Rogan
I'm a fan.
- JDJoey Diaz
I just didn't. Then I went to your house that time and your wife was goofing on you and she's like, "I think he's got... He's in love with Sylvester Stallone."
- JRJoe Rogan
I thought you said, "Sylvester Stallone's a canary in a coal mine." (laughs)
- JDJoey Diaz
And you said... And you said, you were like, "Look at this... Look at him."
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- JDJoey Diaz
You had a picture of his photo when he was 65.
- JRJoe Rogan
Jacked.
- JDJoey Diaz
And he, he was just jacked.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- JDJoey Diaz
And I... Yeah. I like all that shit and stuff. And then I was on a plane and I said, "Let me watch this Creed." And bro, I had tears in my eyes.
- JRJoe Rogan
Aw.
- JDJoey Diaz
Because I'm like, "This guy has got no respect for years." Like, you look at him now, people goofed on him and shit. Dog, he wrote two or three-
- JRJoe Rogan
Whoa. He had his whole back done? Look at that. He's... Wow. Look at that. Like, zoom in on his back. Wow. I didn't know he had his whole back done. That's crazy.
- JDJoey Diaz
Like, this guy wrote a fucking two or three franchises.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- 52:35 – 58:46
Martial arts deep dive: Kyokushin, Muay Thai clinches, sweeps, and wrestling rooms
- JDJoey Diaz
That's GSP also.
- JRJoe Rogan
Mas Oyama. Yeah.
- JDJoey Diaz
Isn't it? Isn't that GSP's style also?
- JRJoe Rogan
Yep. Yeah.
- JDJoey Diaz
Kyokushin?
- JRJoe Rogan
(clears throat) I think Mas Oyama's Kyokushin, pretty sure. Um, they-
- JDJoey Diaz
It's... They're really hard-hitting motherfuckers. They-
- JRJoe Rogan
It's a very hard style.
- JDJoey Diaz
The punches, yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
Leg kicks, lot of wheel kicks. What they do in the tournaments, Kyokushin tournaments, they punch to the body full blast, but kick to the legs, the head, the body. And they'll stand right in front of each other and beat the fuck out of each other. It's horrific. It's like kind of the opposite of... Taekwondo was, uh, a lot of, uh, kicks and punches only to the body too, but Kyokushin, they, they threw leg kicks in there, and there, there wasn't a lot of footwork with most of those guys. Most of those guys, like, stood in front of each other and battered each other. But a lot of Kyokushin guys went on to be really successful in, uh, kickboxing. In fact, a lot of, um, a lot of the Holland influence in kickboxing came from Kyokushin background. Like, they started out with Kyokushin and kickboxing, and then they learned Thai, Thai techniques as well. But a lot of those guys had, uh, an influence of, uh, Kyokushin karate, very big in Europe.
- JDJoey Diaz
It's crazy. When I first started in martial arts, the big thing was the sweep.
- JRJoe Rogan
Sweep the leg.
- JDJoey Diaz
In the early '70s, everybody swept.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- JDJoey Diaz
You threw, you faked two high kicks, and even if it was a spinning back kick-
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- JDJoey Diaz
... the third one was a sweep, and that motherfucker was gone.
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- JDJoey Diaz
I used to go to all those karate tournaments, and that was my shit. I'd throw two high spinning back kicks at you. I didn't even want them to hit.
- JRJoe Rogan
Sweeps are legit.
- JDJoey Diaz
And nobody sweeps anymore. Nobody sweeps.
- JRJoe Rogan
Oh, they still do in MMA and Muay Thai it's big.
- JDJoey Diaz
A little bit. A little bit in MMA-
- JRJoe Rogan
Mm-hmm.
- JDJoey Diaz
... but not in m- as much as I expect. A good-
- JRJoe Rogan
Well-
- JDJoey Diaz
... sweep with a good fucking leg.
- JRJoe Rogan
Mm-hmm.
- JDJoey Diaz
If you set them up, a good old fashioned sweep. I mean, what's his name has that little sweep the leg, push you back, uh, you know, your boy here.
- JRJoe Rogan
Jon Jones?
- 58:46 – 1:00:58
Modern culture and accountability: parenting daughters, Kavanaugh/Weinstein, and high school scars
- JDJoey Diaz
I take it to the... I put a lot of time into that shit. I've, you know... It's really weird because of the Kavanaugh situation and the Harvey Weinstein situation. You're a dad, I'm a dad. It's different on how you gotta raise your daughter now. This has affected me in a way. The Kavanaugh thing was pissing me off for a few weeks because I don't like the idea that they could come back to you for something you did in high school. That, that's just not right in my world. Unless I fucked you in the ass in high school-
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- JDJoey Diaz
... and covered your mouth, I didn't do nothing. You know what I'm saying?
- JRJoe Rogan
I think he, I think that was a thing he did do, though. He did cover her mouth.
- JDJoey Diaz
He covered her mouth or whatever, but-
- JRJoe Rogan
Who knows what really happened, right?
- JDJoey Diaz
But nobody knows, and nobody know-
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- JDJoey Diaz
Nobody knows, so-
- JRJoe Rogan
So long ago.
- JDJoey Diaz
... it was 36 years ago.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- JDJoey Diaz
I know for a fact, I've known you for 20 and I've seen you sweeten up over the years. We all change. You're not the same Joe Rogan I met 20 years ago. (hisses)
- JRJoe Rogan
I'm definitely not the same guy-
- JDJoey Diaz
So-
- JRJoe Rogan
... I was in high school, that's for sure.
- JDJoey Diaz
No, no, come on, dog. Please.
- JRJoe Rogan
But he was a, he was a guy that was hanging around with a bunch of drunk jocks and we all remember drunk jocks.
- JDJoey Diaz
Yeah. Yeah, you know-
- JRJoe Rogan
You know, and that, that, that environment, that, that, that sort of envo- the environment of, like, being around a bun- bunch of drunk guys who are constantly one-upping each other, that's a, that's a sketchy fucking environment. And that's the, that's frat houses.
- JDJoey Diaz
Well, the Yale thing scared me. That's when I thought, you know, those guys are rich white kids, dog.
- JRJoe Rogan
Mm-hmm.
- JDJoey Diaz
You know what happens-
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- JDJoey Diaz
... when you got a little bit of money, everything's been covered up all their lives.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- JDJoey Diaz
Everything's been covered up all their lives, you know. When I was a kid, I knew this girl, they used to call her Mindy Head, and on Friday nights they'd get in the car and they'd drive her to, like, fucking Connecticut and tell her she had to suck all their dicks to get home. God knows where that poor girl is today.
- JRJoe Rogan
Oh.
- JDJoey Diaz
Last time I saw her was 1993 getting coke in a building in Harlem. (laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
Ooh.
- 1:00:58 – 1:11:53
Horror and storytelling craft: Stephen King, The Exorcist, Scarface, and ‘show vs tell’ directing
- JRJoe Rogan
What's fucked up is, for some people, their experiences in high school define them. You know, I just watched that, uh, Stephen King movie, It. The- the mo- most recent one.
- JDJoey Diaz
With the clown?
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah. Pretty fucking good. But one- one of the things that I was thinking when I was watching it was, like, how fucking mean kids are in school to each other. Like, uh, you kind of forget about that. And you-
- JDJoey Diaz
(coughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
And then you watch one of those movies about people being mean to people and you're like, "Oh, yeah, I remember," w- going around to get away from a guy that was picking on me, that was fucking with me and, like, you would be scared of running into him at the bus stop and scared of seeing him after school. And that's how I got into martial arts in the first place. I got tired of being scared. Scared of people, scared of getting picked on.
- JDJoey Diaz
I was into martial arts when I was still fucking scared.
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs) I was scared too, afterwards.
- JDJoey Diaz
Let me tell you something. The- the funniest thing about the movie It was, that it fucked with clowns.
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- JDJoey Diaz
So two months later, a bunch of clowns got together and went on strike. They went downtown and they had a parade.
- JRJoe Rogan
When?
- JDJoey Diaz
Like, uh, c- uh, not a parade, uh, what do you call when people get together and- and they fucking have signs?
- JRJoe Rogan
This is recently?
- JDJoey Diaz
This is right after that movie was released.
- JRJoe Rogan
In 2017.
- JDJoey Diaz
When that movie- whenever that movie was released, a month later, two months later, a bunch of clowns in the- in the California area got together downtown and picketed Stephen King because they were losing work as clowns.
- JRJoe Rogan
Oh, Christ.
- JDJoey Diaz
Because they had lost- a bunch of clowns got canceled. They lost all their clown season work or some shit.
- JRJoe Rogan
I read the book a long time ago.
- JDJoey Diaz
Which one?
- JRJoe Rogan
It. I remember th- uh, I was like, "Man, how are they gonna make a movie out of this?" And they made a movie out of it way back in the day with John-Boy from The Waltons. Remember the dude with the mole on his face?
- JDJoey Diaz
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
He had a ponytail in it. I watched it the other night on TV, just flipping through the channels, it was on. And it was after- a couple of days after I'd seen the- the most recent version of it. It was hilariously bad. It was so stupid. But it was, uh, John-Boy with The Waltons, and it might've been ... How many versions of that It movie did they make? The- was it just two?
- NANarrator
I think so.
- JRJoe Rogan
The first one was the first one with Tim, the guy from, uh, The Rocky Horror Picture Show?
- NANarrator
Yeah. Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
The- well, that was who the- the clown was.
- NANarrator
Pennywise?
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah. It was so stupid. It was so- it was like ... (laughs) It wasn't scary at all. I mean, not- not even remotely. But the new one was pretty fucking scary.
- JDJoey Diaz
Well, Stephen King, Doug, is a fucking crazy motherfucker. We both read On Writing.
Episode duration: 3:17:14
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Transcript of episode NCkAC5OcJMI
