Joe Rogan Experience #1303 - Tommy Chong

1. 0:00 – 15:00

   (claps) Tommy Chong, ladies…

   1. JRJoe Rogan0:00

      (claps) Tommy Chong, ladies and gentlemen.

   2. TCTommy Chong0:04

      Yeah.

   3. JRJoe Rogan0:05

      How are you, sir?

   4. TCTommy Chong0:05

      (laughs) I'm fine, man.

   5. JRJoe Rogan0:07

      It's great to see you again, man.

   6. TCTommy Chong0:08

      You too, Joe.

   7. JRJoe Rogan0:09

      I tell everybody that one of my first ever experiences with comedy recordings was listening to Big Bambu when I was a kid.

   8. TCTommy Chong0:18

      Oh, yeah.

   9. JRJoe Rogan0:18

      My parents had it, and, uh, they'd let us listen to it. We'd open it up like a big old packet of rolling papers-

   10. TCTommy Chong0:24

       (laughs)

   11. JRJoe Rogan0:24

       ... and pull out the albums back then-

   12. TCTommy Chong0:26

       Sure.

   13. JRJoe Rogan0:26

       ... the, the actual record.

   14. TCTommy Chong0:27

       Yeah.

   15. JRJoe Rogan0:28

       You know? And so I've been a fan for a long time.

   16. TCTommy Chong0:31

       Okay. Yeah. I can tell, man. I can tell.

   17. JRJoe Rogan0:33

       (laughs) How are you?

   18. TCTommy Chong0:34

       The lover of the weed. I'm, I'm fine, man. I, I'm... couldn't be better. You know? I'm... I'll be 81 Friday.

   19. JRJoe Rogan0:42

       Wow.

   20. TCTommy Chong0:43

       Yeah.

   21. JRJoe Rogan0:43

       That's amazing.

   22. TCTommy Chong0:44

       It is.

   23. JRJoe Rogan0:44

       Does it sound crazy to say? 'Cause I'm 51, that sounds crazy to say. When I say it, I'm like, "Jesus, is that true?"

   24. TCTommy Chong0:49

       (laughs)

   25. JRJoe Rogan0:49

       Fuck.

   26. TCTommy Chong0:50

       I'm 30 years older than you.

   27. JRJoe Rogan0:52

       Wow.

   28. TCTommy Chong0:52

       Wow. That's something. But I feel good, man. You know? All the systems are go again, you know, and that, that makes a big difference in your life, you know?

   29. JRJoe Rogan1:01

       Yeah.

   30. TCTommy Chong1:02

       That's when I found out the fountain of youth is, uh, the pussy.
2. 15:00 – 30:00

   ... you're gonna put…

   1. TCTommy Chong15:00

   2. JRJoe Rogan15:00

      ... you're gonna put Tommy Chong in jail?

   3. TCTommy Chong15:01

      Yeah.

   4. JRJoe Rogan15:02

      Like, what- what are we protecting or serving? What are we doing here? Which one? Which one is that?

   5. TCTommy Chong15:06

      Yeah, they were just, uh-

   6. JRJoe Rogan15:07

      It's the same.

   7. TCTommy Chong15:08

      ... showing- showing off.

   8. JRJoe Rogan15:08

      Showing off.

   9. TCTommy Chong15:09

      But once I got in there-

   10. JRJoe Rogan15:10

       Sending a message.

   11. TCTommy Chong15:10

       ... once I got in there, I was in there with a lot of people that were unjustly incarcerated. I was in there with, uh, the orthopedic surgeon for the Rams, and, uh, he- he- he had been in a tax... it wasn't a... it was legal at the time he did it, which was that he had a big car collection, and he- and he wrote off the car collection somehow, and then the IRS changed people, and- and next thing you know, they- they came to him and said, "You owe all this money, and if you don't pay it, you gotta go to jail." And he couldn't pay it, so he went to jail.

   12. JRJoe Rogan15:46

       Oh.

   13. TCTommy Chong15:47

       This is- (laughs) he's a orthopedic surgeon. He's like super straight- straight- one of the straightest guys I ever met.

   14. JRJoe Rogan15:52

       Mm-hmm.

   15. TCTommy Chong15:53

       And there was another guy that- that figured out the OJ tax scheme. You know how OJ can keep his, uh- his, uh, money from the NFL?

   16. JRJoe Rogan16:03

       Pension because he's in Florida?

   17. TCTommy Chong16:04

       Yeah. Well, it- it's a- it's a- a law that- that... a loophole that allowed, you know, uh, OJ to keep his, uh, taxes. I- I mean, tax-free money. And so- (laughs) so this accountant figured out how to do it, and he started getting rich people, uh, so they didn't have to pay taxes. And so rather than to- to change the law or do anything like that, they just put his ass in jail because they could. And they put him in there for a year.

   18. JRJoe Rogan16:32

       And he wasn't doing anything illegal?

   19. TCTommy Chong16:33

       Nothing illegal.

   20. JRJoe Rogan16:35

       Wow.

   21. TCTommy Chong16:35

       Except... and then they told him or- "You- you're gonna get out in a year, but you're not gonna do that tax thing anymore."

   22. JRJoe Rogan16:44

       Wow.

   23. TCTommy Chong16:44

       Yeah. No, no, the government-

   24. JRJoe Rogan16:46

       The IRS is creepy.

   25. TCTommy Chong16:47

       (laughs)

   26. JRJoe Rogan16:48

       You do not wanna owe them money.

   27. TCTommy Chong16:49

       (laughs) Especially if you're Trump.

   28. JRJoe Rogan16:51

       Oh. Well, they're coming after him right now, right?

   29. TCTommy Chong16:54

       (laughs)

   30. JRJoe Rogan16:54

       What are they coming after him for now? Their- like, New York State is allowing Congress to subpoena his tax returns.
3. 30:00 – 45:00

   But when we go,…

   1. TCTommy Chong30:00

      But when we go, uh, shooting, we would have to... First of all, we never got the weapon and until we marched down into firing position, then we were handed the weapon and one bullet. And then we put the bullet in, shoot the target, and another bullet, shoot the target. And then when we were finished, we had to pick up all our casings and give them back. And if anything was missing, no one left until they found that missing bullet. And that's gun safety.

   2. JRJoe Rogan30:32

      Yeah.

   3. TCTommy Chong30:33

      Then the gun was taken from us and put in an armory-... it's only used when you're going to use it, you know. Just like walking around with a skill saw, you know. You can have a license to carry a skill saw, but you don't have a skill saw strapped to your side, and y- you can take out, and-

   4. JRJoe Rogan30:48

      Yeah.

   5. TCTommy Chong30:48

      ... try your skill saw anytime you want.

   6. JRJoe Rogan30:50

      It is... The open carry thing is very strange. When you see people walking around with guns strapped to their hips in Arizona, you're like, "Okay."

   7. TCTommy Chong30:57

      They're targets.

   8. JRJoe Rogan30:58

      Well, yeah.

   9. TCTommy Chong30:58

      Once you do that, you're a target.

   10. JRJoe Rogan31:00

       In a way, yeah.

   11. TCTommy Chong31:01

       La- It's like the bikers. Like, (laughs) bikers, you know, the Hells Angels and the M- Mongols and that-

   12. JRJoe Rogan31:06

       Mm-hmm.

   13. TCTommy Chong31:06

       ... they're the on- only crime syndicate I know that advertise.

   14. JRJoe Rogan31:10

       (laughs) Hmm. Yeah.

   15. TCTommy Chong31:12

       (laughs) You know, on their back. "Look at me."

   16. JRJoe Rogan31:14

       Yeah.

   17. TCTommy Chong31:14

       "Look at me, I'm a thug. I'm a, you know, I, I extort. I, I do all sorts... I beat up people, I kill people. Here, and I ride on a big hog," you know? (laughs) I mean, it's crazy. But people do that for recognition.

   18. JRJoe Rogan31:28

       Yeah.

   19. TCTommy Chong31:29

       See, that's like mass shooters. That's what they do it for.

   20. JRJoe Rogan31:31

       Mm-hmm.

   21. TCTommy Chong31:31

       Get their name in the paper. "Yeah, look what I did. Look at useless old me. I'm just, like, so useless."

   22. JRJoe Rogan31:37

       The, what's true... The craziest thing about mass shooters is it's not a thi- I mean, guns have been around for a long time, but this has not a thing that's been around for a long time.

   23. TCTommy Chong31:44

       Yeah.

   24. JRJoe Rogan31:44

       This is a fairly recent thing that keeps erupting over and over and over again.

   25. TCTommy Chong31:49

       I don't know, you were too young to remember, but when I was a kid, the crime comics were banned.

   26. JRJoe Rogan31:57

       They were banned?

   27. TCTommy Chong31:58

       They were banned because they were bad. They showed violence. They showed-

   28. JRJoe Rogan32:03

       Comic books?

   29. TCTommy Chong32:04

       Comic books.

   30. JRJoe Rogan32:04

       Wow.
4. 45:00 – 1:00:00

   Yeah. The f- ...…

   1. TCTommy Chong45:00

      ourselves back then."

   2. JRJoe Rogan45:01

      Yeah. The f- ... Why was Stallone-

   3. TCTommy Chong45:03

      It's true.

   4. JRJoe Rogan45:03

      ... trying to cover it up?

   5. TCTommy Chong45:04

      Uh, well-

   6. JRJoe Rogan45:05

      Stallone.

   7. TCTommy Chong45:05

      ... because Stallone is Stallone.

   8. JRJoe Rogan45:06

      R- those Rambo movies.

   9. TCTommy Chong45:07

      Oh, I got some good stories on Stallone, but ... You don't remember Jordan Belfort?

   10. JRJoe Rogan45:13

       Jordan Belfort.

   11. TCTommy Chong45:14

       The Wolf of Wall Street?

   12. JRJoe Rogan45:15

       Yes.

   13. TCTommy Chong45:16

       Yeah. I was in jail with him.

   14. JRJoe Rogan45:18

       Oh.

   15. TCTommy Chong45:18

       And I helped him write his book.

   16. JRJoe Rogan45:20

       Really?

   17. TCTommy Chong45:20

       Yeah. In fact, well, all I did was insult him and, and made him (laughs) write his book. Because I was writing my book and he was started ... He said, "What are you doing?" "I am writing." 'Cause we shared a cubicle.

   18. JRJoe Rogan45:31

       Mm-hmm.

   19. TCTommy Chong45:31

       And, and I said, "I'm writing my book." He says, "Oh, I'm gonna write a book." So he wrote a couple of pages and he handed it to me like, "Hey, read this," you know. And I read it, and it was like, a copy of Tom Wolfe. You know, Bon- Bonfires and Vanities.

   20. JRJoe Rogan45:44

       Mm-hmm.

   21. TCTommy Chong45:44

       And I, I said, "Th- you haven't written shit." And I handed it back to him. And he said, "What do you mean?" And I said, "You haven't written nothing." He said, "What, what should I write?" He, he challenged me. I said, "Write what you know." I said, "Write those stories you've been telling me every night," you know. I said, "There's one rule that you gotta remember when you're writing or doing anything. It's called the most of. So you don't get ... You don't just get high. You get higher than anybody's ever gotten in their life, if you're gonna put it on screen. You know, you don't just have a fight. You have a fight that goes on forever. You know, that's, that's the kind of stuff you need, that people are interested in." And so he said ... He didn't talk to me for about, about a month after that, and he just went-

   22. JRJoe Rogan46:29

       He was mad at you?

   23. TCTommy Chong46:30

       Yeah. He was just, "Right now, I'll show this guy." And he just wrote-

   24. JRJoe Rogan46:32

       Mm-hmm.

   25. TCTommy Chong46:33

       And he wrote The Wolf of Wall Street.

   26. JRJoe Rogan46:34

       Really?

   27. TCTommy Chong46:35

       Yeah.

   28. JRJoe Rogan46:35

       And did he give it to you, and you're like, "All right, you got something here"?

   29. TCTommy Chong46:38

       No, no. No, no. He-

   30. JRJoe Rogan46:39

       No?
5. 1:00:00 – 1:14:06

   Probably somewhere in the…

   1. TCTommy Chong1:00:00

      No, it's probably rehashed. (laughs)

   2. JRJoe Rogan1:00:01

      Probably somewhere in the world-

   3. TCTommy Chong1:00:03

      I like that, rehashed.

   4. JRJoe Rogan1:00:03

      ... or someone, yeah. Right.

   5. TCTommy Chong1:00:05

      So- so- no-

   6. JRJoe Rogan1:00:05

      Someone in the universe.

   7. TCTommy Chong1:00:06

      Oh- oh, you talk about, you wanna talk about pot? The Chinese, the Indians.

   8. JRJoe Rogan1:00:11

      Sure.

   9. TCTommy Chong1:00:12

      All- all religions.

   10. JRJoe Rogan1:00:13

       But what makes you think that aliens built the pyramids, though? Or could have.

   11. TCTommy Chong1:00:16

       I'm saying they- they could have been.

   12. JRJoe Rogan1:00:18

       Really?

   13. TCTommy Chong1:00:18

       See, I- I think aliens are just humans, you know, that... Because if they're wearing spacesuits, if they're aliens, why do they need a spacesuit unless they- they come from another, uh, uh, atmosphere?

   14. JRJoe Rogan1:00:30

       Mm-hmm.

   15. TCTommy Chong1:00:30

       I- I personally believe that Earth is the only planet in this universe. And the reason I believe that is that there are countless universes, like space is endless.

   16. JRJoe Rogan1:00:41

       Mm-hmm.

   17. TCTommy Chong1:00:42

       And so if space is endless, why- why wouldn't we have our own universe?

   18. JRJoe Rogan1:00:47

       Okay, so you think that Earth is the only planet in this universe?

   19. TCTommy Chong1:00:51

       Yes.

   20. JRJoe Rogan1:00:52

       But what about Mars?

   21. TCTommy Chong1:00:53

       Uh, it's a dead planet.

   22. JRJoe Rogan1:00:56

       Okay, so Earth is the only live planet?

   23. TCTommy Chong1:00:57

       Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

   24. JRJoe Rogan1:00:57

       The only planet with life in this whole universe?

   25. TCTommy Chong1:01:00

       Yeah.

   26. JRJoe Rogan1:01:01

       So you think that there's multiple universes or infinite numbers of universes?

   27. TCTommy Chong1:01:06

       Yes.

   28. JRJoe Rogan1:01:06

       And each universe probably has an Earth.

   29. TCTommy Chong1:01:09

       Or two.

   30. JRJoe Rogan1:01:10

       Or two. But you think this whole universe of hundreds of billions of galaxies-

Episode duration: 1:42:21