Joe Rogan Experience #1409 - Joey Diaz

Joey Diaz 0:02 Get that picture of that fucking monkey I sent you this morning for breakfast?

Joe Rogan 0:05 What's that?

Joey Diaz 0:06 Who sends you those type of pictures anymore?

Joe Rogan 0:08 What, what, oh, that-

Joey Diaz 0:09 The pictures.

Joe Rogan 0:10 ... that, that, the picture you sent me? Yeah, that, that girl's, uh, lovely private parts?

Joey Diaz 0:14 Oh.

Joe Rogan 0:14 That's the best name for a vagina, monkey. (laughs)

Joey Diaz 0:18 (laughs) I send them to everybody too, presidents of corporations-

Joe Rogan 0:21 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 0:21 ... cops, on Monday, happy Monday.

Joe Rogan 0:24 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 0:24 You make their day, everybody's day is a lot better. Start the day on the right foot, you know? (laughs)

Joe Rogan 0:29 Especially p- presidents of corporations, people that... Can you imagine if you had to work in a fucking office for your, your, your whole life, as old as we are now? If we were in an office since the time we were really 23, 24 years old? Right outta school, just every day, button down, trying not to say anything that's gonna get you in trouble. Just trying to fucking make it to five o'clock, and then immediately go to a bar and talk shit with your friends, and then do it all over again on Monday. Oh.

Joey Diaz 0:54 I, I time it so I know you're in a meeting.

Joe Rogan 0:56 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 0:57 I know that you're in a meeting with eight white dudes-

Joe Rogan 1:00 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:00 ... and they're real serious about, you know, numbers has to be up, statistics. And all of a sudden your phone rings, you fucking open it up and it's a picture of a woman's vagina.

Joe Rogan 1:09 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:09 And it breaks up the whole morning, you're like, "Thank God Joey Diaz exists, because he understands what I'm going through."

Joe Rogan 1:16 h-

Joey Diaz 1:16 That's tough, that's tough, going to sales meetings. I used to go to sales meetings and they talk about... Dog, do you know I went to Anthony Robbins, uh, things?

Joe Rogan 1:24 Did you?

Joey Diaz 1:25 When I was a burglar I went to Anthony Robbins things.

Joe Rogan 1:27 To be a better burglar?

Joey Diaz 1:28 No, and I ended up kidnapping the motherfucker. He focused me.

Joe Rogan 1:31 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:31 I walked on the coals. I was all in with Anthony Robbins-

Joe Rogan 1:34 You walked on the coals?

Joey Diaz 1:34 ... you do know this.

Joe Rogan 1:35 Really, you wa-

Joey Diaz 1:36 Because I worked for a Subaru dealership, so Subaru paid for you to go to Anthony Robbins seminars. So they would give me, like, three bills for the day for per diem. I would go to Denver and do the Anthony Robbins seminar. And I read the books-

Joe Rogan 1:50 Dude, you should be a Subaru spokesperson. Who's more loyal to Subaru than you?

Joey Diaz 1:54 Nobody.

Joe Rogan 1:54 You fucking love Subarus.

Joey Diaz 1:56 Love 'em.

Joe Rogan 1:56 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:58 Love 'em. I just cannot...

Joe Rogan 2:00 Because you lived in Boulder.

Joey Diaz 2:01 I lived in Aspen.

Joe Rogan 2:03 Yes.

Joey Diaz 2:03 And I saw vans, I saw every type of high level car spin around, and you just lose control and I... Did you ever lose control in Colorado?

Joe Rogan 2:15 I didn't, but I did in Boston-

Joey Diaz 2:15 Mrs. Rogan did.

Joe Rogan 2:16 ... a bunch of times, yeah.

Joey Diaz 2:17 And it wasn't fun for her.

Joe Rogan 2:18 It's not, uh, whenever you're driving in snow it's touch and go.

Joey Diaz 2:21 Not fun for her.

Joe Rogan 2:21 You h- you could get patches of ice.

Joey Diaz 2:23 And in Colorado at night you got a thing called black ice.

Joe Rogan 2:27 Ooh.

Joey Diaz 2:27 And, you know, I remember being... I worked at the Crestwood, I was security, and I had to pick people up at the airport at night. And I fucking did everything I could to get out of that job, because one night I was in a van with people doing the speed limit, no alcohol, you know me, and I just hit black ice and the thing started spinning.

Joe Rogan 2:47 (whistles)

Joey Diaz 2:47 And you don't know where you're gonna land.

Joe Rogan 2:48 Oh, you have no idea. I was with Maguire once.

Joey Diaz 2:50 You have no idea where you're gonna land.

Joe Rogan 2:51 Chris Maguire and I were on our way to the airport in Ohio, and we, we crossed over a bridge. And bridges are where you get it, because there's no ground underneath it so things freeze quicker. We went over this bridge, it just, wee, just got lucky, nothing happened. We both went, "All right." You know, it stopped, uh, where we were facing the wrong way, but there was no one on the road, 'cause it was early. We were headed back to the airport, and we just got back in line and just went, "Okay, I remember this. I remember this." Like all of a sudden you got no power.

Joey Diaz 3:16 You know, I love German technology, I love the look of a lot of sport cars and everything like that, but when I... There's been nights I've been... I've, uh, 10 years ago I had a gig in Irvine, and it was raining. One of those January in Cal- in California, just coming down. I mean, you couldn't see in front of you, and cars are pulled over and I'm doing 75 in a Subaru.

Joe Rogan 3:37 Why is a Subaru so good at that? Like, what is the big deal about Subarus?

Joey Diaz 3:40 When I first started with S- like, I, I had never sold a car before. I was a detailer. And I became friends with a guy at Subaru, and he would bust my balls every day. His name was Peter Pinto from Florida.

Joe Rogan 3:52 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 3:52 Peter Pinto, he was a little guy, he'd say, "What, what are you doing washing cars?"

Joe Rogan 3:56 He was from Florida, he went all the way up to Colorado?

Joey Diaz 3:58 Colorado to sell cars, and he became my... And I, and I got... I was properly introduced. In those days they gave you $1500 bucks the first month, and they trained you for two weeks on cars. I knew nothing about the car. Like, uh, when you had that car and the r- and the axle fell off, you got rid of it-

Joe Rogan 4:17 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 4:17 ... because you're not a car guy. You're not gonna get up on Saturdays and go to the store and find the piece from 1966 converter. It, it just, some people have that as a hobby.

Joe Rogan 4:26 Those guys love that shit.

Joey Diaz 4:28 Tim Allen-

Joe Rogan 4:28 Yeah, yeah.

Joey Diaz 4:29 ... Jay Leno, Gabriel. I love 'em for that. I don't have that gift. So when I was introduced to the Subaru, I'm like, "Yeah, whatever. It's just another fucking car." And then I, I saw snow storms and I saw how people reacted to Subarus. In, in Boulder it's either Subaru or a fucking 4Runner.

Joe Rogan 4:50 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 4:50 That's it, I'm telling you that's it.

Joe Rogan 4:52 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 4:52 So, you know, once the snow drops, that September snow storm, it's Subaru. Subaru's the first car that has an engine sideways. The engine isn't in like usual cars. That was the secret about Subaru.

Joe Rogan 5:06 The engine's sideways?

Joey Diaz 5:07 It's, it's, uh-

Joe Rogan 5:08 I've seen a few engines like that. Right? What do they call that, inline?

Joey Diaz 5:10 Inline, inli-

Joe Rogan 5:11 Is that what it is?

Joey Diaz 5:11 Something like that.

Joe Rogan 5:12 No, inline is straight, right? That's like a BMW.

Joey Diaz 5:14 They have s- a word for it, uh, uh, it's... Subaru technology started there.

Joe Rogan 5:19 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 5:19 And then when I w- started selling Subarus, they had a GL10 that I was really impressed with, because what it let, let you do is, if you went up, if you went up Lee Hill Road-

Joe Rogan 5:28 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 5:29 ... okay, and you made the left to go down into your property, and there was s- the snow, you could press a button and the shock absorbers would fill up.

Joe Rogan 5:39 Ah.

Joey Diaz 5:39 And your car would rise above so you could go through the snow. So all those little things. The only knock-

Joe Rogan 5:44 They had that way back then?

Joey Diaz 5:46 1988, '89, the GL10s. The only knock Subaru had was that if you had a stick, you couldn't keep your hand on it.

Joe Rogan 5:56 You couldn't keep your hand on the stick?

Joey Diaz 5:57 Right, so if I'm driving a stick, boom, I'm in, I'm in two-

Joe Rogan 6:00 Right.

Joey Diaz 6:00 ... two. I'm in three, I gotta kept my hand off it. I could only... The, the clutch cable-... that was the only knock they had that you-

Joe Rogan 6:07 So, the clutch cable would break?

Joey Diaz 6:09 ... it would break if you kept your hand on it too long.

Joe Rogan 6:11 Oh.

Joey Diaz 6:11 But-

Joe Rogan 6:11 I had one of those break on me once.

Joey Diaz 6:13 Yeah, so you have to go one, then two, then three, then four.

Joe Rogan 6:17 I had it actually break on me twice. Once, I got stuck in second gear and I managed to drive to a parking lot and get towed. It was in, uh, I had a 2005 or something like that, 2004, 2005 Porsche that just kept breaking. And the thing that kept breaking was, uh, that, that thing with the clutch and also the fuel pump. So-

Joey Diaz 6:38 See, that was a GL10 sedan. I'm talking about the wagon, the doodled up wagon, was just a brilliant automobile. And then I started selling Toyotas.

Joe Rogan 6:47 Those things are still on the road, too.

Joey Diaz 6:49 They're still on the road, guys. And this is what I'm saying about the American dollar.

Joe Rogan 6:52 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 6:52 I like the Subaru because I respect what they do with the American dollar.

Joe Rogan 6:57 What do they do?

Joey Diaz 6:57 They give, they give you a dollar's worth for a dollar.

Joe Rogan 7:00 Oh, right, right.

Joey Diaz 7:00 They really do. For the American-

Joe Rogan 7:02 (clears throat)

Joey Diaz 7:02 ... who's really looking for a fucking car to last. I've sl-

Joe Rogan 7:06 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 7:06 I've gone into Douglas Toyota and have seen trucks with a half a, a million miles on 'em on a Toyota truck. That says a lot.

Joe Rogan 7:15 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 7:15 When you're an American, you're a construction guy, you know, you're putting in bids and blah, blah, blah-

Joe Rogan 7:20 Do you know Matt Farah?

Joey Diaz 7:22 Do I know him?

Joe Rogan 7:22 From The Smoking Tire, do you know that dude?

Joey Diaz 7:23 No.

Joe Rogan 7:24 He, he's a big fan of yours. He, he loves comedy. He's, he's got this great YouTube channel, it's, uh, all about cars. And, uh, they had a car, a Lexus, that they took to a million miles. He had a million-mile Lexus.

Joey Diaz 7:35 Now, who makes Lexuses at the end of the day?

Joe Rogan 7:37 Toyota.

Joey Diaz 7:38 What the fuck are we talking about here?

Joe Rogan 7:39 Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Joey Diaz 7:40 So, when you-

Joe Rogan 7:40 I've, I had three Lexuses over the course of my life, never had a single problem, zero problems. They just, they just work.

Joey Diaz 7:46 They just work.

Joe Rogan 7:46 They always work.

Joey Diaz 7:47 They just work.

Joe Rogan 7:48 All cars are so amazing now. It's like the, the, the bar is set so high that if you just get like a s-... Like, if you get a Mustang GT, just a Mustang GT today, which is, like, very reasonable. Like, I think a Ford Mustang GT, tell me how much one of those fucking things cost. But it's got performance that you couldn't even imagine 20 years ago, and it's probably under $50,000. It's probably 40 grand. How much are those?

Jamie Vernon 8:14 Starts at 26.

Joe Rogan 8:15 26?

Joey Diaz 8:16 26,000?

Joe Rogan 8:17 Is that for the m- regular Mustang or the GT?

Jamie Vernon 8:20 Yeah, it just is, uh, well, I think that's just (clears throat) I typed in GT but it, it says regular on-

Joe Rogan 8:23 Okay, so that's the re-... I think the regular one might have a six-cylinder, I'm not sure. I think they still do that.

Jamie Vernon 8:27 Go to the website. Premium-

Joe Rogan 8:28 I might be, I might be wrong about that.

Jamie Vernon 8:29 Premium Fastback starts at 39.

Joe Rogan 8:31 Okay, the, um, and that's the one with the V8, right? That's the Coyote V8, it's a five-liter V8. It's fucking w- real wicked powerful, like 460 horsepower. I mean, the, the power that you get with $40,000, $45,000 today, it's just insane. They keep getting better and better and better. It's like, where are they gonna go with these fucking things?

Joey Diaz 8:51 And don't, and the leases are great.

Joe Rogan 8:53 Oh, yeah.

Joey Diaz 8:53 The leases are great. The lea- the deals they're giving you now, I mean, a buddy of mine just bought a car and he got a point and a half, uh, whatever, uh, interest rate-

Joe Rogan 9:04 Hmm.

Joey Diaz 9:04 ... or whatever, you know, for a point and a half mediocre credit, th- it's a time to buy a car.

Joe Rogan 9:09 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 9:10 And you can get whatever the fuck you want. I usually lease.

Joe Rogan 9:11 And all cars are good now, that's the thing.

Joey Diaz 9:13 Yeah, it's-

Joe Rogan 9:13 It's like you can't make-

Joey Diaz 9:14 It's-

Joe Rogan 9:14 ... a shitty car anymore. Like am- America went through a time period w- we just made dog shit cars, and everybody knew that they broke. And everybody was like, "Look, if you buy American cars, you, you're gonna buy something that, it's gonna cost the same amount, but it's not gonna last as long." And the Japanese just took, the Germans, they just took over.

Joey Diaz 9:30 They took it over, and then Lee Iacocca brought it back with the K Car.

Joe Rogan 9:34 You know what's the most hilarious country though for cars?

Joey Diaz 9:37 (coughs)

Joe Rogan 9:37 My people, the Italians.

Joey Diaz 9:39 Don't, don't get me started.

Joe Rogan 9:39 They never made a single car that's reliable. (laughs)

Joey Diaz 9:41 You don't even get... Remember we had the conversation about my buddy who had the, the Italian car? He went and he went crazy.

Joe Rogan 9:48 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 9:48 "He's, I'm gonna keep it in my roots." The car is still in his garage, bro.

Joe Rogan 9:53 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 9:53 Rusty, fucking, the Bugatti or whatever the fuck he had.

Joe Rogan 9:57 Apparently, the new ones you can drive. Like a new one, they're actually reliable.

Joey Diaz 10:01 For two weeks.

Joe Rogan 10:02 No, no, no, the new ones apparently. It's like everything else, they, they got to a point where they just had to have better electronics and-

Joey Diaz 10:08 Do you remember the Triumph?

Joe Rogan 10:09 Yes, I do.

Joey Diaz 10:10 The Triumph.

Joe Rogan 10:11 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 10:11 See, we grew up on the Triumph, the Thing by Volkswagen.

Joe Rogan 10:15 I don't remember that one. (laughs)

Joey Diaz 10:16 The Thing by Volkswagen was a-

Joe Rogan 10:17 Was that their little van thing?

Joey Diaz 10:18 It was a little van thing, uh, that, that they're very, there's like 10 left. If you got a Thing, somebody'll give you $1 million for that.

Joe Rogan 10:25 Really?

Joey Diaz 10:25 They had a, Subaru made a car called the Justy.

Joe Rogan 10:28 Oh, that's it? Wow.

Joey Diaz 10:28 That's the Thing. Subaru made a car called the Justy, a three cylinder.

Joe Rogan 10:33 Look at that thing.

Joey Diaz 10:34 Just to beat, just to compete with, uh, Hyundai. When Hyundai came out with the Mup Mobile in '87, M- Hyundai changed the game. Hyundai came out with the Astana or whatever that c- little four-door car is, 160, you know, 150 down, 150 a month, busted the car industry.

Joe Rogan 10:52 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 10:52 Subaru had to compete, everybody had to drop to those tin cans just to compete.

Joe Rogan 10:57 Those, there was a lot of people driving those Hyundais when they first came out-

Joey Diaz 11:00 Fuck yeah.

Joe Rogan 11:00 ... 'cause it was so cheap. A, a buddy of mine got one.

Joey Diaz 11:03 One, 150, 150 a month, you know?

Joe Rogan 11:05 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 11:05 All day long.

Joe Rogan 11:06 A buddy I, of mine got one, uh-

Joey Diaz 11:07 All day long.

Joe Rogan 11:08 ... that I, I used to drive, uh, deliver papers with, and he was telling me, he's like, "Look, look, these fucking Koreans, man, when they get into something, they know what they're doing." Like, if they're gonna jump into the car market, that, that's a disciplined group of people. If they're gonna jump into the car market, they're gonna make a badass car.

Joey Diaz 11:23 Well, listen, it, it-

Joe Rogan 11:23 They're very reliable.

Joey Diaz 11:24 ... Mitsubishi, for example. Mitsubishi, people hate Mitsubishi. Americans always-

Joe Rogan 11:29 Why do they hate Mitsubishi?

Joey Diaz 11:30 Because Mitsubishi made the parts that were in the Meg that sh- that the Americans went up against in World War II.

Joe Rogan 11:36 Oh, really?

Joey Diaz 11:37 So, if you try to sell a fucking... Those, those guys are all gone, uh, knocking, uh, uh, rest in peace. But when you sold a car to a guy that did the reading on it, like there were certain Chryslers that had Mitsubishi parts on it.

Joe Rogan 11:51 Oh.

Joey Diaz 11:52 Ford had Mitsubishi parts on it because Mitsubishi's, like, the greatest, biggest thing of car parts.

Joe Rogan 11:58 Was it?

Joey Diaz 11:58 So, everybody has Mitsubishi parts on their car, something belongs to Mitsubishi.

Joe Rogan 12:03 So, if you had a Mitsubishi, you were a bad person?

Joey Diaz 12:06 No, no, no, no. So when most, some Americans, old school veterans, you know, those guys that wear the-

Joe Rogan 12:12 Yes.

Joey Diaz 12:12 ... jackets with the hat, with the scr-

Joe Rogan 12:13 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 12:13 Uh, when they come to see a car, if you show them a Chrysler, a certain type of Chrysler, they go, "Nah."... they got a Mitsubishi fucking tin well, tail pipe.

Joe Rogan 12:24 That makes sense.

Joey Diaz 12:25 Becau- that's how pissed off they were-

Joe Rogan 12:26 Of course.

Joey Diaz 12:27 ... about, because the Meigs would shoot down the Americans or some- it was some-

Joe Rogan 12:30 I get it.

Joey Diaz 12:30 ... historic thing. But then Mitsubishi got into the business. Mitsubishi busted along in, like, the '80s, the late '80s. They came out with that fucking car, the Eclipse.

Joe Rogan 12:41 Hmm.

Joey Diaz 12:42 Remember the Eclipse? (car revving)

Joe Rogan 12:43 I remember that, yeah.

Joey Diaz 12:44 Hot, hot little fucking car.

Joe Rogan 12:45 I had a Mitsubishi at one point. I had a Starion. You remember that?

Joey Diaz 12:48 Every- everybody, yeah-

Joe Rogan 12:49 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 12:49 ... everybody had a Mitsubishi 'cause they were cheap. You know, you go into, you go into Toyota plants to buy a Toyota Le- you gotta be, you're a mutt. You didn't pay the water bill.

Joe Rogan 12:57 Here's to s- to speak to that, Dodge used to sell their version of the Starion. It was the Conquest. Dodge had the Conquest TSI, and it was their version of the Starion. It was the same car. It was one of the rare times in history where two car companies have the exact same car, the exact same car. One was the Conquest, one was the Starion. That was it.

Joey Diaz 13:20 Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah-

Joe Rogan 13:21 That thing.

Joey Diaz 13:21 ... yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 13:22 That red one right there-

Joey Diaz 13:23 Right, right.

Joe Rogan 13:23 ... looks exactly like my buddy Jimmy Detellio's.

Joey Diaz 13:25 Yep, we had it.

Joe Rogan 13:25 My buddy Jimmy had one exactly like that when we were, like, 21.

Joey Diaz 13:31 See, this is why it's very hard for a guy like me to fall for fads, especially for cars, because I've seen a lot of fad... I remember the Suzuki Samurai.

Joe Rogan 13:39 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 13:40 How many motherfuckers killed the Suzuki Samurai was, like, the scooter. You know these jerk-offs with the scooters today, thinking that they're cool?

Joe Rogan 13:47 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 13:47 The Suzuki Samurai came around and it started tipping over. (laughing) This thing started tipping over. But again-

Joe Rogan 13:54 Well, people were trying to take corners with them as if-

Jamie Vernon 13:56 One feet, one f-

Joe Rogan 13:56 ... it's like a, a sports car.

Joey Diaz 13:58 The thing weighed eight pounds.

Joe Rogan 13:59 Exactly.

Joey Diaz 13:59 I had friends tipping 'em over. They were made of fucking tin.

Jamie Vernon 14:03 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 14:03 And they were 150 down, you know-

Joe Rogan 14:06 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 14:07 ... 150 a month, and for fucking an extra $25, they had a guy with a fan-

Joe Rogan 14:11 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 14:11 ... 'cause you would die in these things. People were dying. And-

Jamie Vernon 14:14 What the fuck is that thing, James?

Joey Diaz 14:16 Yeah. This is why-

Jamie Vernon 14:16 They sell these in the, uh, studio city.

14:18 You-

Joe Rogan 14:18 What is it?

Jamie Vernon 14:19 It's a electric car that's like a one-seater. It's, like, a three-wheel, one-seater car.

Joey Diaz 14:22 Can you believe this?

Joe Rogan 14:22 Electra Meccanica?

Jamie Vernon 14:24 Yeah, I don't know how to say it.

Joe Rogan 14:25 I think that's it.

Jamie Vernon 14:26 Electra, yeah.

Joe Rogan 14:26 Dad, it's crazy, and it's a one-person car?

Jamie Vernon 14:28 Yeah, it's a community-

Joey Diaz 14:29 You know what's good about that car?

Jamie Vernon 14:30 ... environment car, but-

14:30 Bro.

Joey Diaz 14:31 It, it doubles as a casket.

Joe Rogan 14:32 (laughs)

Jamie Vernon 14:33 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 14:33 That's what's great about that fucking car, that your family saves 10 Gs by a casket. They just bury you in that fucking thing.

Joe Rogan 14:40 But if you think about it, if you have to get around everywhere and it's just you most days, and something like this is cheap, what is the difference between being in that and being in a big truck with all that fucking empty space? You're driving around escalating everywhere.

Joey Diaz 14:53 Because you look like a fucking idiot in that fucking thing.

Joe Rogan 14:55 (laughs)

Jamie Vernon 14:55 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 14:55 You ever drive past one of these idiots and you at a light and you actually look at him and you're like, "You're..." In his mind, he's thinking he's the coolest guy in the fucking world.

Jamie Vernon 15:05 Mm.

Joey Diaz 15:05 That guy thinks he's fucking Ricky Gervais.

Joe Rogan 15:08 That is actually a cool-looking one. Look at that front scoot, uh, hood scoop.

Joey Diaz 15:11 Joe, that's a casket. (laughs)

Joe Rogan 15:13 (laughs)

Jamie Vernon 15:13 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 15:13 That's a casket.

Joe Rogan 15:14 Is that the headlight? No, it's a hood scoop.

Joey Diaz 15:16 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 15:16 Is that their high beams? What is that?

Jamie Vernon 15:17 Uh, I don't know. I'm thinking it might. It looks like headlights, but...

Joe Rogan 15:19 I think that's actually a real hood scoop, for some strange reason.

Jamie Vernon 15:22 It has a plastic piece over it.

Joe Rogan 15:23 Yeah, what is that?

Jamie Vernon 15:24 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 15:24 Is that f- is that clear plastic over it? Is that what I'm looking at?

Jamie Vernon 15:26 It could be because it's inside, but I don't know.

Joey Diaz 15:28 I'm telling you-

Joe Rogan 15:29 So crazy.

Joey Diaz 15:29 ... that's like the RX-7. The RX-7 was a casket for two.

Joe Rogan 15:32 Was it?

Joey Diaz 15:33 Remember the Mazda RX-7?

Joe Rogan 15:35 Yeah. Yeah.

Joey Diaz 15:35 I fucking hated that car. You know why, though? And that's, uh-

Joe Rogan 15:38 Why?

Joey Diaz 15:38 ... because I was coming home one January 1st and I was one of the first people on the site. And I was, I, I don't know, I don't wanna say I, I, I was tripping on something, I was on some type of drug but I wasn't over the hill. I was still alert. And we were, like, maybe the third car there. And it was a Mazda that had hit a pole head-on and it was split down the middle all the way to the windshield, and I could hear the girl yelling.

Joe Rogan 16:06 Oh my God.

Joey Diaz 16:07 And we were there. The fire department came, ambulance, a couple heroes trying to get him out.

Joe Rogan 16:13 Oh.

Joey Diaz 16:13 He was dead on arrival. They had to saw the car, and that's why I don't like those little cars. They're caskets. That's, they're caskets.

Joe Rogan 16:22 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 16:22 In those days, and after that I never got in an RX-7. My buddy, the Devil, had an RX-7.

Joe Rogan 16:27 Were they the ones with the rotary engine?

Joey Diaz 16:30 I don't know.

Joe Rogan 16:31 Was Mazda has a, there's a sports car company that, uh, uniquely has the rotary engine. It's a different kinda engine. It's not like cylinders. Is that it?

Joey Diaz 16:41 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 16:41 It is Mazda?

Joey Diaz 16:42 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 16:43 Yeah. They got a different kinda engine, Joe.

Joey Diaz 16:45 Mazda's a good car.

Joe Rogan 16:46 They were... Dude, I drove one of the-

Joey Diaz 16:47 Maza's a good car.

Joe Rogan 16:47 ... more modern Mazdas-

Joey Diaz 16:49 Maza's a good car.

Joe Rogan 16:50 ... in, like, um, 2000 maybe? No. No, it was, like, '90s. Like before, okay, it was before I moved to, uh, California. See, look at that thing. That's how their engine works. Instead of having a bunch of pistons, it's got this big fucking thing in the middle of it. (snorts) Like, I w- I wish I understood engines to know why this is that different. But it just-

Joey Diaz 17:15 Now, regular engines have the, the-

Joe Rogan 17:16 Yeah, uh, pistons.

Joey Diaz 17:17 ... things that go like this, pistons.

Joe Rogan 17:18 Pistons.

Joey Diaz 17:18 Okay.

Joe Rogan 17:19 R- R- Real car people must be going crazy right now.

Jamie Vernon 17:21 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 17:21 I know, I'm sorry-

Joe Rogan 17:22 Fucking idiots.

Joey Diaz 17:22 ... ladies and gentlemen, it's been years.

Joe Rogan 17:23 They don't know shit. So we're watching this video that says Mazda RX-7 rotary engine, how it works, and it's describing (clears throat) how it works in this very strange video, where you're watching this thing rolling around inside of an oval, it looks like, a big oval engine container.

Jamie Vernon 17:39 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 17:39 It's very different. But it's very fast. It was, uh, the one that this guy had. I guess, like I'm saying, I think it's '93 or something like that. It was really fast, and it really, uh, handled really well too. But it was a very light car. Yeah, these things are weird, man. Like, rotary engine, that's weird. Like, how come nobody else adopted that? Just, but it looks like a, a badass watch, you know?

Joey Diaz 18:05 See, I didn't have a car education, but by selling cars in Boulder, I learned a lot. Now I forget that stuff, I'm not gonna lie to you, because the, the level of intelligence in Boulder from the university, when they would come in, the eng- remember, Boulder, let's... At the end of the day, University of Colorado is where you go on to be an astronaut, you know that?

Joe Rogan 18:27 Is that what it is?

Joey Diaz 18:27 Like, that's, that's heavy-duty Boulder. They have, like, a whole thing back there. So those people move into town, between them-... and the Japanese that moved there, they come to Subaru and they ask very intelligent questions. Completely different than a guy like you, me, or Jamie would ask.

Joe Rogan 18:45 Are you saying we're dumb?

Joey Diaz 18:46 Yes,-

Joe Rogan 18:46 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 18:47 ... compared to what the, wh- compared to what they'd ask.

Joe Rogan 18:49 Like what kind of questions?

Joey Diaz 18:51 You know, e- e- at velocity, this, that, this, and I'd have to find these answers for them because they were like astronauts. I'd have to go in, there was no computers in eighty-fucking-eight, like, that I could go on, so I'd have to go on a brochure and really go into it. And then they'd take the calculator out. Like they're those-

Joe Rogan 19:13 Really?

Joey Diaz 19:13 ... type of people. So that's why I remember learning, uh, as much as I could because they were so intelligent. When they'd come over, especially the Japanese guys, they couldn't speak that good English, but they would look at cars, "What's this? What's the weight?"

Joe Rogan 19:30 That's what's really amazing. If you stop and think about the creation of cars and how they've evolved and they keep getting better. For a long time they did it without the internet. A long time.

Joey Diaz 19:38 Long time.

Joe Rogan 19:38 Some of the g- greatest cars ever created, pre-internet, you know? Just, uh, just think about all the various forms of sports cars and 911s, all those different Corvettes that came out, all that shit was before the internet. They were just f- looking at each other's pictures and looking at magazines and everyone was competing against each other to have the best handling car, the best looking car, best fuel efficiency. Things kept shifting over the years. Like, for 10 years in America, they didn't make anything good, and t- for 10 years. They didn't make-

Joey Diaz 20:10 What were the, what were the years? What are you saying?

Joe Rogan 20:12 It was the years from, uh, m- American muscle cars. When I say anything good, I mean, like, something that, like, a muscle car lover, other than the Trans Am, the Trans Am's the exception to the rule. Trans Am, they made some, you know, those, uh, Smokey and the Bandit cars that people to this day still want. That was in the '70s. But from the 1960s, like say 65-ish to like '70, America couldn't be touched. Those muscle cars were insane. They just kept pumping out cooler and cooler shapes. Classics.

Joey Diaz 20:43 What did Steve McQueen drive in Bullitt?

Joe Rogan 20:45 He drove, he drove a 1968 fastback Mustang.

Joey Diaz 20:48 Is that a bad motherfucker?

Joe Rogan 20:49 Oh, yeah.

Joey Diaz 20:49 How bad of a motherfucker is that car?

Joe Rogan 20:51 Well, it's a beautiful car. The design is pr- the back end of a '68 Mustang is one of the most underrated, uh, forms in all of automotive design. That's a '68 Shelby, that's different. That's a, uh, GT500. It's a totally different shape. The Shelby had a completely different set of rear taillights. They had, uh, altered, uh, quite a bit about the Shelby, like, the way it looks and the front end as well. This regular '68 Mustang, it just has this beautiful, like, contoured rear end. Look at that, look at that. That green car, that is, that's like a real modern looking, like, updated version of it. Real pretty, you know? With a p- phenomenal deep green paint job. But look how good that rear looks.

Joey Diaz 21:32 So that's what he drove? That's what he drove?

Joe Rogan 21:33 That's what he drove, motherfucker. Look at that. That is Americana, baby. Look at the tail end of that fucking vehicle, man, with the chrome and the chrome bumpers and the red headlights and the black behind... L- look- look at that fucking car, man.

Joey Diaz 21:49 No seatbelt.

Joe Rogan 21:51 Well, they had those b- ones around your waist.

Joey Diaz 21:52 Yeah, like in the back you had no seatbelt. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 21:54 You had a waist belt. No, there's no seatbelt in the back. You bounced around like a fucking rock back then.

Joey Diaz 21:57 How many re- how many, uh, horsepower was something like that made then?

Joe Rogan 21:59 Not that much. Not that much, man. A, a really powerful car back then had, like, 350 horsepower. Like, let's find out what was the 1968 GT500 that was their most powerful one. I wanna, I'm gonna imagine this had like 400 horsepower. Say 1968, uh, just Shelby GT500 horsepower, 1968 Shelby GT, 'cause that was their... What they would do is they'd take it to Carroll Shelby, and Carroll Shelby would take the regular Mustang and just juice it the fuck up. More power, better handling, better looks. Here it goes-

Joey Diaz 22:34 Now, who were they competing-

Joe Rogan 22:35 400, perfect. There.

Joey Diaz 22:36 Now, who were they competing with? Like, w- what was... This is F- Ford, right?

Joe Rogan 22:41 Yeah, they were competing against the Camaro at this point because they made a larger car.

Joey Diaz 22:45 And the Corvette. And the Corvette. Okay, okay.

Joe Rogan 22:46 Yeah. Sort of the Corvette was like a little bit of a different category 'cause it was a pure sports car, whereas this car had back seats. So that's a 400 horsepower. So t- compared to the Mustang of today, the b- regular GT, forget about their new one, they have a new GT500 that has like 760 horsepower. The new GT500 goes zero to 60 in like three seconds. It's a monster car.

Jamie Vernon 23:10 Which one were they making for that movie that just came out?

Joe Rogan 23:13 That was the-

Jamie Vernon 23:13 I didn't see it, the Ford versus Ferrari.

Joe Rogan 23:15 Oh.

Jamie Vernon 23:15 For the Le Mans.

Joe Rogan 23:16 I don't know.

Jamie Vernon 23:16 Anybody know what it was for?

Joe Rogan 23:17 Uh, I think... Was that about race cars? I didn't see that movie.

Jamie Vernon 23:19 Yeah, it was about... It was Shelby. It was him making that car, I think, like they had-

Joe Rogan 23:23 Oh, really?

Jamie Vernon 23:23 ... two weeks to make it or two days. I don't fucking know. I didn't see the movie.

Joe Rogan 23:26 Well, probably for the movie they juiced that up, right? I don't know. The, I told... I thought they were race cars though, I didn't think they were like these kind of cars. This is like a GT car.

Jamie Vernon 23:34 Ah, okay.

Joe Rogan 23:35 I don't know.

Jamie Vernon 23:36 I didn't see it. Oh yeah, I guess this is the GT500 maybe, that's what that was for.

Joe Rogan 23:39 Yeah, I think it's not even the GT500, I think it's the GT40, which is their race car.

Jamie Vernon 23:43 Let me see. Let me see. Let me see. Let me see. Let me see. Let me see. Let me see. Let me see. Let me see.

Joe Rogan 23:44 'Cause it's, I'm pretty sure I saw in the... I didn't see the movie.

Jamie Vernon 23:46 Yeah, I thought you would've known. I thought you might've saw it.

Joe Rogan 23:48 I think it's a different GT. I think it's their actual race car, race car. But, uh, the new one, this, f- Shelby has a new GT500, it's a r- ridiculous car. It's faster around tracks than the new Corvette. They have a new Corvette, this, uh, crazy rear engine, uh, mid-engined rather Corvette. It's their newest Corvette. It's the best Corvette ever, and this GT500's even faster than that. It's bonkers.

Jamie Vernon 24:12 Right. Yeah, GT40.

Joe Rogan 24:13 Yeah, it's a different kind of car.

Jamie Vernon 24:15 66.

Joe Rogan 24:15 That's a car that's only for the racetrack. The- these guys are, the- these, you'll be... You could buy a Shelby GT500 today. You walk out of a dealer showroom, "Hi." "Hi, do you know how to drive?" "Yes, sir. Here's my license." Like, you don't have to hardly know shit, and they'll let you just drive home in one of the most preposterous automobiles ever offered to man. You know, this is getting ready (laughs) to afford dealership. And if you have the, I'm gonna say a Shelby GT500 s-... a $80,000? How much does that cost? A brand new Shelby GT500?

Joey Diaz 24:49 Wait, I gotta go pee real quick.

Joe Rogan 24:50 You gotta pee? Already?

Joey Diaz 24:51 I'll have it driving for you.

Joe Rogan 24:51 What happened?

Joey Diaz 24:53 Okay. I'm getting old.

Joe Rogan 24:57 (laughs)

Narrator 25:00 (sighs)

Joe Rogan 25:01 How much do one of those cost?

Jamie Vernon 25:03 $72.9.

Joe Rogan 25:04 That's crazy.

Jamie Vernon 25:05 760 horsepower.

Joe Rogan 25:07 So for 72, $73,000 you can buy a car that is so fast. If you, if you really can know that there's a difference between the speed of that and then the next car after that, the next car that's more powerful, you really should be in jail.

Jamie Vernon 25:23 It's kinda cool. It has a LCD-

Joe Rogan 25:26 Oh, it's dope as fuck.

Jamie Vernon 25:27 ... changing cluster for your-

Joe Rogan 25:29 Yeah.

Jamie Vernon 25:29 ... screens.

Joe Rogan 25:30 Well, a lot of cars are doing that now, because they can get so much more information in front of you instead of just the standard gauges. But dude, there's still something about them standard gauges.

Jamie Vernon 25:39 Did you see that Mustang, uh, electric car?

Joe Rogan 25:41 Yes.

Jamie Vernon 25:42 Not bad.

Joe Rogan 25:43 It's not bad at all. It's like a fat Mustang, right?

Jamie Vernon 25:45 Uh-huh.

Joe Rogan 25:45 Yeah. It's interesting, right? They're using the Mustang name for other shit now. That's controversial. That could cause a problem. Why not just come up with another name? That's not a Mustang. You know that's not a Mustang. That's a SUV.

Jamie Vernon 25:58 Yeah, what about it makes it a Mustang if it's, uh-

Joe Rogan 26:00 Right. Why are you doing that?

Jamie Vernon 26:01 ... if it's electric?

Joe Rogan 26:02 They, they're talking about doing that with Corvette too, that Corvette could branch off and become a brand like Cadillac is. You know, Cadillac is a, a brand. It's... You know, it's, it's synonymous with luxury.

Jamie Vernon 26:13 Oh, yeah.

Joe Rogan 26:13 Like you think of Cadillacs.

Jamie Vernon 26:15 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 26:15 But it's a GM car and if they decide to take the Corvette model and just make it a brand, and so have Cor- dope SUVs, like fast, racy SUVs, fast, racy four-door sedans.

Jamie Vernon 26:28 Hey, whatever sells cars, man, 'cause did you see that Tesla's now valued at, as much as GM and Ford together combined?

Joe Rogan 26:35 Yeah, whoops guys. (laughs) Fucking dummies. He's a super genius. Just back off. (laughs) It's hilarious, right?

Jamie Vernon 26:43 Yeah, and still going up today, like...

Joe Rogan 26:45 Guy makes amazing cars. He makes amazing fucking cars. We're talking about Elon Musk. Tesla's worth more today than... What is it? What's the stock?

Jamie Vernon 26:54 GM and Ford, it's like it's over 500 now, but like the market value is their combined ƒ.

Joe Rogan 26:59 Yeah, and everybody was saying it was gonna fall apart.

Joey Diaz 27:01 I think it's a beautiful car, guys. But I gotta give them more time, especially the self-driving shit. My buddy has the... It's beautiful. He's got the electronic one, the one you plug in.

Joe Rogan 27:13 Which one?

Jamie Vernon 27:13 The... Which one, though?

Joey Diaz 27:13 Gor- I don't know. Gorgeous.

Jamie Vernon 27:14 Is it the Tesla?

Joey Diaz 27:15 Yeah.

Jamie Vernon 27:15 Yeah?

Joey Diaz 27:15 Tesla, gorgeous. But he was telling me to go to San Diego, you gotta stop in Commerce City.

Joe Rogan 27:20 Yep.

Joey Diaz 27:20 And plug it in for 20 minutes and sit there like a bump on a log.

Joe Rogan 27:23 Yep, you do.

Joey Diaz 27:24 You know, there's just... 'Cause there's just so many different charging places. I took an Uber a couple weeks ago. I got into a car that was just amazing, that blew me away. A fucking Honda Accord Hybrid.

Joe Rogan 27:38 Mm.

Joey Diaz 27:38 So they're making everything.

Joe Rogan 27:40 Accords, th- they make some nice Accords.

Joey Diaz 27:41 Now this car, you know, listen-

Jamie Vernon 27:43 Accords are beautiful.

Joey Diaz 27:43 ... you get, you get in a Honda, you get in a, a Toyota sometime. Not Toyotas much, but, uh, Mitsubishi. What's the other one? Hyundai. When you close the door, there's a lightness in the metal. That's where you see the... You know, there's a lightness. Like, dunk. It closes a certain way. When I get into a fucking Porsche and I close it, that's, that makes a certain noise, you know?

Joe Rogan 28:05 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 28:05 It's a distinct noise.

Joe Rogan 28:06 We've... You, uh, you never been in my little tiny one. I got a 1993 964. It's a real light car, but the metal in it is so much thicker-

Joey Diaz 28:17 Thicker. You feel the gauge.

Jamie Vernon 28:17 Mm-hmm.

Joe Rogan 28:17 ... than any metal you've ever used today.

Joey Diaz 28:18 I like all that.

Joe Rogan 28:19 When you... It... This door is like a chunk. When you close the door, a chunk. Like you, you could feel the weight to it. You feel when you tap the fenders too, there's no give. It's a different structure.

Joey Diaz 28:30 So you-

Joe Rogan 28:30 Totally different.

Joey Diaz 28:30 So I was blown away, even by the Honda Accord Hybrid, you know, the... What we're playing, paying for gas. I mean, it's just a great little car. I'm looking at a couple-

Joe Rogan 28:39 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 28:39 ... different options. I was in Huntington Beach, I just got-

Joe Rogan 28:41 You're thinking about going away from Subaru?

Joey Diaz 28:43 Adding something to my collection.

Joe Rogan 28:46 Collection?

Joey Diaz 28:46 Just because-

Joe Rogan 28:48 You need to get a Caddy.

Joey Diaz 28:48 You know, I gotta fucking-

Jamie Vernon 28:49 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 28:49 I've always said you need a Cadillac. You should've had a Cadillac-

Joey Diaz 28:52 That, that new Cadillac-

Joe Rogan 28:52 ... a long time ago.

Joey Diaz 28:52 ... is a badass motherfucker.

Joe Rogan 28:53 You should be a Cadillac man. (laughs)

Joey Diaz 28:54 That, that, that dude gave me a ride. Last week I was in Huntington Beach and I took a special Uber, an Uber special.

Joe Rogan 29:01 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 29:01 And it was that Cadillac and he told me exactly how he got it, what the scam is with them, how to do it. He has, he hasn't had a problem. The battery died, and that's the, that's their main knock.

Joe Rogan 29:14 The battery's died?

Joey Diaz 29:15 That one day you wake up, "I gotta go to the commies." "Oh, my battery's dead." I'll fucking choke you, Joe Rogan.

Jamie Vernon 29:20 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 29:20 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 29:20 You know, I'll choke you. When I get in my Subaru, the battery's never dead.

Joe Rogan 29:23 I wonder if they're more reliable now. I don't know anything about them. I've never owned one, but I've rented a ton of them.

Joey Diaz 29:29 Fucking gorgeous.

Joe Rogan 29:29 That's a beautiful car.

Joey Diaz 29:30 Gorgeous. And when you sit in it, you're tight.

Joe Rogan 29:31 What model is that?

Jamie Vernon 29:33 CTS.

Joe Rogan 29:34 That's the CTS?

Jamie Vernon 29:34 CTS-V.

Joe Rogan 29:36 Is that what that is?

Jamie Vernon 29:36 Yes.

Joe Rogan 29:37 That's a beautiful fucking car, man. Look at that front end. The design is just so... It's so interesting. It's like-

Joey Diaz 29:43 After I left here the last time, or the last two times, a guy reached out and said he would give me one.

Joe Rogan 29:48 You need a Cadillac.

Joey Diaz 29:49 For 560 a month, the lease zeroed down, um, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba.

Joe Rogan 29:52 Take it. Joey, I wanna see you strolling around in a Cadillac.

Joey Diaz 29:56 (sighs)

Joe Rogan 29:56 I would love it. Bumping Biggie. (laughs)

Jamie Vernon 29:59 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 30:00 I can't do it.

Joe Rogan 30:00 Biggie, Biggie, Biggie. Can't you see?

Joey Diaz 30:02 And the Subaru I love that I have.

Joe Rogan 30:04 Sometimes his voice, it hypnotizes me.

Joey Diaz 30:04 But people are like, "Dog, why are you driving a lesbian car?" People always say that shit to me.

Joe Rogan 30:08 (laughs)

Jamie Vernon 30:09 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 30:09 And it hurts my feelings. Like, "Why are you driving a lesbian car?" Dog, it's not a lesbian car. It's a fucking Subaru, man.

Joe Rogan 30:14 You love a reliable car. I respect that about you.

Joey Diaz 30:17 I wanna get in the car and start it. I don't wanna be in service.

Joe Rogan 30:20 I don't think these things are unreliable anymore.

Joey Diaz 30:22 I don't wanna... You know, I got free service. I... You know, the, the warranties they give you now are fucking, you know... Volkswagen, which nobody buys.

Joe Rogan 30:30 Look at that, Joey.

Joey Diaz 30:31 Joes- What is that?

Joe Rogan 30:32 That's a Cadillac.

Joey Diaz 30:34 Oh, that's fucking beautiful.

Joe Rogan 30:34 CTS-V. Look at that fucking car. Is that the coupe?

Jamie Vernon 30:38 I don't know.

Joe Rogan 30:38 Is that a four-door? It's hard to tell, 'cause the, the picture's so dark.

Jamie Vernon 30:41 Yeah, there's four doors on that.

Joe Rogan 30:42 That's a four-door?

Jamie Vernon 30:43 Oh, no. That's two.

Joe Rogan 30:45 That's two? Yeah. See that little rear window? That's not, like, a full window.Wow, that's a beautiful car, man. They make some killer... You know what's a killer fucking car right now if you want an SUV? A Lincoln Navigator. The new one is insane.

Joey Diaz 30:59 I wonder what happened to Lincoln. Are they still in business?

Joe Rogan 31:01 They only make the Navigator, and then they make-

Joey Diaz 31:04 (coughs)

Joe Rogan 31:04 ... one other, uh, m- one or two other luxury coupes-

Joey Diaz 31:09 Lincoln made some-

Joe Rogan 31:09 ... like, which are very nice.

Joey Diaz 31:10 ... beautiful cars when I was a kid.

Joe Rogan 31:11 Their cars now are very nice.

Joey Diaz 31:12 Gorgeous. Then they went away, like they just-

Joe Rogan 31:15 Well, the Navigator's their biggest thing.

Joey Diaz 31:16 The Lincoln Continental was big.

Joe Rogan 31:17 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 31:17 They sold 10 million of those to limo drivers.

Joe Rogan 31:20 Oh, yeah.

Joey Diaz 31:20 Then they stopped production on 'em, so I didn't know what was going on with Lincoln Continental. They just tapped out.

Joe Rogan 31:26 You know what's the shit? Is those 1965s with the suicide doors. Come on, son. You know? I'm never that bold. I could not buy one of those cars.

Joey Diaz 31:37 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 31:37 You go rolling around in one of those 1965 Lincoln Continentals with the suicide doors, like holy shit.

Joey Diaz 31:43 What did The Green Hornet drive?

Joe Rogan 31:45 Did he drive a Continental?

Joey Diaz 31:47 See what he drove, Jamie, back in the day, man.

Joe Rogan 31:48 (laughs) The Green Hornet.

Joey Diaz 31:50 'Cause he used to get out and open the door sideways for whatever his name was, the Black Beauty.

Joe Rogan 31:56 Chrysler Imperial Crown.

Joey Diaz 31:59 A beautiful fucking vehicle.

Joe Rogan 31:59 Wow. Po- Let me see a picture of that. 1966 Chrysler Imp- look at that thing.

Joey Diaz 32:05 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 32:06 (laughs) We're l- we're looking at picture one, ladies and gentlemen. It looks like it has machine guns that poke out of the hood.

Jamie Vernon 32:13 And missiles.

Joe Rogan 32:15 And missiles.

Joey Diaz 32:15 Well, that was the, that was the Black Beauty there, yeah.

Joe Rogan 32:17 Oh, my God. That's hilarious.

Joey Diaz 32:19 But I like, I always liked the way-

Joe Rogan 32:20 Hoo, look at that thing.

Joey Diaz 32:22 ... the doors opened, yeah.

Joe Rogan 32:22 That's the car?

Joey Diaz 32:23 The n- Yeah.

Joe Rogan 32:23 What a fucking car. Who's, who made that one? No, that's a Restomod.

Jamie Vernon 32:29 Yeah. That was like-

Joe Rogan 32:30 Oh, is that the New-

Joey Diaz 32:31 Yeah, from the movie. Yeah, it's from the movie.

Joe Rogan 32:31 ... Green Hornet? Oh, the new one. That was the new one with Seth Rogen, right? Yeah, I didn't see that one.

Joey Diaz 32:37 No, I wanna know the one where Bruce Lee drove.

Joe Rogan 32:39 Ooh, look at that one.

Joey Diaz 32:39 Look at that one.

Joe Rogan 32:41 People don't understand. We're a little too young for it, but people don't understand what an impact Bruce Lee had when he was doing The Green Hornet. When people saw him do martial arts moves the way he did on screen, like people wanted to... I mean, you have to think about how many people would watch a TV show back then. Like, if you had a TV show, there's only like three different things to watch, right? Like, if you had a TV show, you had the entire country watching one of three things. And if you had a big show like The Green Hornet was...

Joey Diaz 33:11 The Green Hornet ain't on Sunday nights. So it was, it was like stealing.

Joe Rogan 33:15 Yeah, everyone's home.

Joey Diaz 33:16 You had, you had, uh, you either had Lawrence Welk on fucking channel seven on ABC. Look at these thing, look, 1968.

Joe Rogan 33:24 Look at that.

Joey Diaz 33:24 You didn't see this.

Joe Rogan 33:25 Look at that guy drop.

Joey Diaz 33:26 And he just traumatized NBC, NBC was traumatized. They only did six episodes.

Joe Rogan 33:31 (laughs) Look how bad their-

Joey Diaz 33:33 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 33:33 ... fucking f- fight scenes are. (laughs) These, look at these white guys faking punches. Oh my God. It's hilarious to see like old school, bad TV, like fight acting. Like when you know the punch didn't hit him and the hair goes flying. (laughs) It's so weird. Especially because we- we're not playing any of the volume, so we're just watching it. So when you're watching with no volume, you get to really see how preposterous it is.

Joey Diaz 33:59 How many, how many sh- TV shows did that guy do? That Spa-

Joe Rogan 34:03 Bruce Lee?

Joey Diaz 34:03 No, that Spanish dude did about 1,000 episodes of different TV shows from the late '60s all through the '70s.

Joe Rogan 34:11 Who is he?

Joey Diaz 34:12 I don't, I don't know what his name is.

Joe Rogan 34:13 He's the guy that was starring... Right there, right there? That guy?

Joey Diaz 34:16 Yeah, that guy, like that guy was like-

Joe Rogan 34:17 I don't, who the fuck that guy is.

Joey Diaz 34:18 You know, character actors were like fucking so huge back then. But them... Bruce Lee came on Sunday nights. I still remember driving back from Miami with my family and like being pissed because I missed Bruce Lee. Then they canceled it. You didn't see nothing about Bruce Lee again, bro. He-

Joe Rogan 34:36 How long was it between then and the big movies?

Joey Diaz 34:39 It was about a year and a half that kung fu movies were mainstream. Uh, Five Fingers of Death came out. Uh, no, the... Yeah, Five Fingers of Death, it was all about the iron palm technique. The guy would, uh, look at you and his palm would turn pink. (singing)

Joe Rogan 34:55 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 34:59 And that started with that. And then Fist of Fury came out, but I'm not gonna lie to you and tell you I went to see Fist of Fury in the movie theater. I don't remember. When Chinese Connection came out, that's what changed the ballgame. But see, it pisses me off today, you know, when I see fucking people 20 years old talking about the impact of Bruce Lee or whatever. First off, let's get this straight. Bruce Lee was a tough guy, but he wasn't gonna beat Muhammad Ali.

Joe Rogan 35:26 That was so silly.

Joey Diaz 35:27 Okay, he wasn't gonna beat Muhammad Ali. He was, you know, whatever. Uh, Bruce Lee, Bruce Lee meant that the little guy had hope. Bruce Lee gave the immigrant hope. You know, that's what all these guys-

Joe Rogan 35:38 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 35:38 ... "Oh, well, Bruce Lee fucking..." It changed everybody. He put a little bounce in the step, you know?

Joe Rogan 35:43 He changed martial arts.

Joey Diaz 35:44 He, he changed martial arts, but he gave you hope. The movie theaters were packed. Martial arts schools were packed. Black people were going crazy because nobody sucked it anymore. Did you see Dolemite yet?

Joe Rogan 35:55 No, I still haven't seen it.

Joey Diaz 35:56 No. Again, you know, you gotta watch these shits if I'm gonna come on this show because-

Joe Rogan 36:01 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 36:01 ... when Dolemite... Did you see it? When he settles the-

Joe Rogan 36:03 The new one? You mean the new one?

Joey Diaz 36:04 Yeah. First-

Joe Rogan 36:05 I saw the Rudy Ray Moore one.

Joey Diaz 36:06 First of all, first of all, fucking my, our boy stole the show. Our boy, the dude who you were gonna fuck in MMA-

Joe Rogan 36:13 Oh, Wesley Snipes?

Joey Diaz 36:14 Stole the fucking movie, okay? Bad motherfucker.

Joe Rogan 36:17 He's a bad motherfucker?

Joey Diaz 36:18 Bad motherfucker. I, you know, I'm sick and tired of these people going, "Well, what happened to him?" Nothing happened to him. "Well, well, well, well, David Burtal."

Joe Rogan 36:26 Well, he went to jail.

Joey Diaz 36:26 What happened to Dave Burtal? Dave Burtal is getting stronger every week, uh, while you're looking at some fucking idiot jumping up and down on Netflix. Dave Burtal is getting stronger and stronger. When you go see Dave Burtal, it's like people going crazy right now about Uncut Gems. Sh- Adam Sandler's been around for 30 years. He's got something for your ass.

Joe Rogan 36:45 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 36:46 It may not be goofy jumping up and down and wetting you, but when he did... Have you seen Uncut Gems?

Joe Rogan 36:51 I heard it's great.

Joey Diaz 36:52 G- just go for him, to cheer him on, to go, "You know what? Thank God."... because people think that we're like fucking mooks as comics. I'll hit you from fucking 90 different directions.

Joe Rogan 37:03 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 37:03 You could just act, bitch.

Joe Rogan 37:05 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 37:05 We could do it all. And when we get 30 years under our belt, we become weapons, like Jimmy Smits, like all these people that have been doing it for 30-plus fucking years. Eventually, you're gonna get fucking good at it.

Joe Rogan 37:18 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 37:18 So, uh, you know, I still didn't see the Tarantino movie. I saw the Joker.

Joe Rogan 37:23 Tarantino movie's amazing.

Joey Diaz 37:24 I saw it. I won't say out of disrespect for Bruce Lee. I saw the Joker-

Joe Rogan 37:28 Well, it's such-

Joey Diaz 37:28 I just don't even wanna go there with nobody.

Joe Rogan 37:30 Yeah, I know.

Joey Diaz 37:30 I'm not in the mood. If he didn't fucking live through it, I don't wanna hear his fucking take on it.

Joe Rogan 37:35 It's, it's not a... It doesn't make sense.

Joey Diaz 37:37 It disrespected Shannon, so it means it disrespected me. You in... You disrespected my fucking pal and now, you know, I don't even know Shannon Lee.

Joe Rogan 37:44 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 37:45 But if a bunch of these people got fired up... I watched the Joker. I liked it.

Joe Rogan 37:50 The, the Joker was intense.

Joey Diaz 37:51 I liked the Joker, it was intense. I saw, uh, Uncut Gems during the break. I went Christmas night. My fucking girls went to sleep, so I slid over to the Laemmle, ate three edibles, and my heart was beating with that fuckin'... 'Cause that movie's... Joey Diaz, '83 to '84. (fingers snapping) "Whatever you wanna do, we're gonna do." "What do you wanna do? What do you..." "Yo, Rogan, listen, I got my... I got something coming next week. Let me get 20 Gs till next week." "There ain't no next week." "Jamie, don't say nothing to Rogan. I need 10 to fucking put this number in." And it just goes.

Joe Rogan 38:23 Oof.

Joey Diaz 38:23 Think of your life from there. You're borrowing from Peter to pay Paul, and then you're telling Jesus to suck your dick. It's nonstop. I went to see-

Joe Rogan 38:32 Yeah, there's some-

Joey Diaz 38:32 They... People said-

Joe Rogan 38:33 ... a lot of people like that.

Joey Diaz 38:33 People were like, "Don't get high and go see it." Fuck you, I'm going-

Joe Rogan 38:36 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 38:36 ... deep to go see it. I prepared, like, at 8:00.

Joe Rogan 38:39 Who's in that?

Joey Diaz 38:40 Huh?

Joe Rogan 38:40 Who's in it?

Joey Diaz 38:41 Just Adam Sandler and a bunch of fucking whatevers. It's just a movie about... Oh, the basketball player, uh, that you don't know. Uh, what his... Kevin Garnett.

Joe Rogan 38:49 Oh, okay.

Joey Diaz 38:50 And it's, it's, uh, nonstop.

Joe Rogan 38:52 So it's mostly Sandler? And it's, uh, it's, it's like s-

Joey Diaz 38:55 It's Sandler bumping into, "Oh, what happened to my 30?"

Joe Rogan 38:59 Oh, wow.

Joey Diaz 39:00 Uh, "I'll catch you next week, I gotta go." "Yeah, you motherfu..." You know, it's fucking constant. It's, you know, that life. And then, it, it... traumati-... Is it an Academy Award winner? I don't fucking know, you know. I took it home, I wore it for a couple days, it's okay. Is anything an, a fucking Academy Award winner anymore?

Joe Rogan 39:21 I don't know.

Joey Diaz 39:21 I watched The Irishman. You didn't see it yet either, so-

Joe Rogan 39:24 No.

Joey Diaz 39:24 ... again, like, uh... You know, you go skiing for three hours. What do you do-

Joe Rogan 39:27 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 39:27 ... on these flights? You look at Ian Edwards, wait for him to go to sleep-

Joe Rogan 39:30 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 39:30 ... then you go to sleep, you fuck.

Joe Rogan 39:32 (laughs) Yeah.

Joey Diaz 39:32 You get... That's when I watch these three-hour movies. I can't watch them at home. I got a seven-year-old

Jamie Vernon 39:36 So you just watch them on flights?

Joey Diaz 39:38 I watch them-

Joe Rogan 39:38 On flights, I try to write. I, I, sometimes I'll come up with some of my best bits while writing-

Joey Diaz 39:43 No, no, no.

Joe Rogan 39:43 ... on a plane.

Joey Diaz 39:43 That's after the movie, but you-

Joe Rogan 39:45 Dah.

Joey Diaz 39:45 It's a f-... It's a five-hour and 51-minute flight.

Joe Rogan 39:48 Right. That's true.

Joey Diaz 39:49 So I usually do a little... You know, I listen to music, I get tuned up, I eat whatever they give me, I fucking put the movie on, and I got the notebook right on the iPad.

Joe Rogan 39:58 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 39:59 So if something comes to me, you tighten it up, and then you got the whole night that night in your hotel room. But no, I liked The Irishman.

Joe Rogan 40:05 Do you write on your iPad?

Joey Diaz 40:07 Yeah, lately, I've been... I still, I got a notebook-

Joe Rogan 40:09 Do you write on, uh, on the screen or do you have one of those detachable keyboards?

Joey Diaz 40:11 I have the keyboard with the screen and I just type like I'm usually... So that's where I put the final product now. So now it's, I have a notebook still where I fuck around, put different stupid ideas. And then once the joke works, I put it on the iPad now, and now I can add tags to it.

Joe Rogan 40:28 Oh.

Joey Diaz 40:29 It's not like I used to before, so now I have-

Joe Rogan 40:32 But you're just typing on the iPad screen, just like a phone, right? Like, you ne-... You don't have a, a keyboard that you attach-

Joey Diaz 40:36 No, I have a keyboard.

Joe Rogan 40:37 ... to it? Oh, you have a s- separate key-

Joey Diaz 40:39 It closes, yeah.

Joe Rogan 40:39 Oh, okay.

Joey Diaz 40:39 So I have the Apple one-

Joe Rogan 40:40 Okay.

Joey Diaz 40:40 ... with the big screen.

Joe Rogan 40:41 Yes. Okay, cool.

Joey Diaz 40:42 It saved my life.

Joe Rogan 40:43 Cool.

Joey Diaz 40:43 The best thing that ever happened.

Joe Rogan 40:44 Yeah. When you do that-

Joey Diaz 40:44 No Twitter.

Joe Rogan 40:45 ... it's basically like a little laptop.

Joey Diaz 40:46 Listen to me. No Twitter, no Facebook, no nothing.

Joe Rogan 40:51 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 40:52 I got YouTube, Netflix, Hulu, and that writing app.

Joe Rogan 40:56 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 40:57 That's it. That's in my room. That's in the hotel room.

Joe Rogan 40:59 That's good for your head, right?

Joey Diaz 41:00 Friday night, nobody fucking... You, you... If you Facebook me on Friday night and I'm on the road, you gotta suck my dick.

Joe Rogan 41:06 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 41:06 Twitter, the same thing. I don't wanna look at it on the road. That's a distraction. So on the road-

Joe Rogan 41:11 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 41:11 ... I don't wanna do podcasts, I don't wanna do nothing.

Joe Rogan 41:13 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 41:14 I wanna lift a little bit, maybe go to a fucking local kickboxing school and do a workout, but I wanna focus on that writing. Not six hours worth. I ain't no fucking Hemingway. Just to make little adjustments from the night before.

Joe Rogan 41:27 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 41:27 That's it.

Joe Rogan 41:28 Well, you know, you got this time when you're on the road, and you can use it in a way that's gonna help you. It, it can be... It could beneficial. Or you could just use it. Just one or two things, right? You gotta figure out, like, what's optimal for you when you're on the road. For me, I always have better sets when I work out.

Joey Diaz 41:48 You have to work out.

Joe Rogan 41:49 Always.

Joey Diaz 41:50 You have to work out.

Joe Rogan 41:51 I don't like that weird fog that I feel when I fly into somewhere, and then I just, like, get ready for the show. I'm like, "Ah, this fucking..." There's something about, like, it's hard to get everything going. But if you just get on an elliptical machine for 20 minutes-

Joey Diaz 42:03 That's it, 20 minutes.

Joe Rogan 42:04 ... just listen to some good music, and just say, "There's no option. You have to do this. Just fucking do this." Once 10 minutes gets going, then you're sweating, you're having a good time, then you're fine.

Joey Diaz 42:13 We've been friends-

Joe Rogan 42:14 Then you're good for 40 minutes or more.

Joey Diaz 42:15 We've been friends for 23 years, you've been taking me on the road for 20 of those years. We could not do what we were doing 20 years on the road today. Not because I'm not calling you out. Because you have children, you have a wife, you have a thousand other responsibilities. So Tuesdays and Wednesdays-

Joe Rogan 42:31 Yeah, you can't do those shows anymore.

Joey Diaz 42:33 ... or out.

Joe Rogan 42:33 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 42:33 Everywhere.

Joe Rogan 42:33 And Sundays out, too.

Joey Diaz 42:34 Sundays out, too.

Joe Rogan 42:36 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 42:36 So now-

Joe Rogan 42:36 It's also, it's like, you, you, you can get a lot out of that when you're in those early stages like we were, when we were learning how to do the road. Just a lot you get out of those Wednesday through Sunday weekends, weeks, you know?

Joey Diaz 42:50 You know why? Because by Friday, you wanna stab yourself in the throat from saying the same jokes.

Joe Rogan 42:54 Yep.

Joey Diaz 42:54 So you wake up Saturday morning and you write like a motherfucker.

Joe Rogan 42:56 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 42:57 Because Saturday, you got three shows. Remember, we went through this three-show pattern.

Joe Rogan 43:00 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 43:01 You were the one-

Joe Rogan 43:02 Three-on-Saturdays. Yeah.

Joey Diaz 43:02 ... that said to me, "We're not doing midnights no more. It's not worth it."

Joe Rogan 43:05 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 43:05 It's the law of diminishing returns. You didn't even know a joke you fucking said by midnight.

Joe Rogan 43:09 Yep.

Joey Diaz 43:09 Even if you stayed sober. You didn't smoke then. We were sobers, judges.

Joe Rogan 43:12 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 43:12 You still out here, you're like, "Did I fucking say this bit?" So that's just a burnout. That's the law of diminishing re- turns. Sundays...

Joe Rogan 43:20 People are tired. They don't, they don't have the same reaction on Sunday usually.

Joey Diaz 43:23 I- You and I were never tired then, but there was no children involved, there was no serious girlfriends involved, there was not a lot of ... The podcast wasn't involved. There wasn't a lot of different things then. Now, my schedule has to be this. You want me to tell you something? I could fucking take the Friday flight to LA. I could take the Friday six-hour flight at 6:00 AM, land in Kennedy at 2:00 and be at town hall ready to go at 8:00. But do I really wanna do that? Do I need to do that? No. So I'll take the 6:00 AM on Thursday, get to New York at 2:00, take a little nap. At 4:00, go downstairs, do the elliptical, get two five pounds, shadow box for 10 minutes 'cause there ain't nothing better for you than shadow boxing.

Joe Rogan 44:03 Mm.

Joey Diaz 44:04 Breaks a tremendous sweat.

Joe Rogan 44:05 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 44:05 A couple upper jabs. You go upstairs, you-

Joe Rogan 44:07 You're also moving.

Joey Diaz 44:08 You're bangling out in the shower.

Joe Rogan 44:09 Woo.

Joey Diaz 44:10 You get yourself up and you cook-

Joe Rogan 44:11 Hey.

Joey Diaz 44:11 ... and you go for a nice steak.

Joe Rogan 44:14 Ah.

Joey Diaz 44:14 And you get to see the town, and then I do what I learned from my brother, Joe Rogan. You leave a fucking huge tip (snaps fingers) so when they go out for employee night, the word gets out that Joe Rogan in town Friday morning, you wake up, the show's sold out.

Joe Rogan 44:26 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 44:26 I don't have to go do radio. You know what I'm saying? That's this plan.

Joe Rogan 44:30 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 44:31 Tha- And then you get up Friday and you go to a, a local kickboxing school.

Joe Rogan 44:34 Mm.

Joey Diaz 44:34 How cool is that? Just to-

Joe Rogan 44:36 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 44:36 And they're looking at you like, "Uh, um, Mr. Rogan, are you sure?" "Yeah. I'm doing the class. I wanna meet a few people." You get more out of that than anything. They, they talk to you, they bust your balls a little bit, but then you get an Uber set to pick you up and you go back to the whole town. You actually got out and you were social before the show.

Joe Rogan 44:55 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 44:55 Now I could go back to that hotel room and sitting there for six hours and dig it. You write for one, you throw an episode of The Sopranos on for one, you throw an episode of something else, then you go back to writing. Maybe you take a nap, take a nice 20-minute shower, we'll do a seven o'clock show in case you sell out. You do the second show, but if not, you're back in your room at 10:30. (inhales deeply) Little room service, you throw on a movie you haven't seen, you eat an edible. (snaps fingers)

Joe Rogan 45:23 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 45:23 You're up at 5:00, you're at the airport at 6:00, you're back at LAX at 9:00.

Joe Rogan 45:27 I wanna see this documentary. Sounds perfect.

Joey Diaz 45:30 That's, that's the, what works for me now for me to be most effective. You know, I could be a gavone and go out there on Wednesdays, but by Saturday, I'm not gonna be a good comic.

Joe Rogan 45:40 Yeah, I think we still-

Joey Diaz 45:41 I'm not gonna be a good comic for you.

Joe Rogan 45:42 Put in the reps, and put in the reps in town, it's just about reps. You know, as many reps as you can get. The thing about the road when you're doing those Wednesday through Sundays is that you're getting long reps. You're getting, like, hour sets every show. Yeah.

Joey Diaz 45:55 Which is great, too.

Joe Rogan 45:56 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 45:56 I mean, I'm not, I'm not... I thi- I, m- for me as a, where we're at now, I want to give them 150% every show. Last night I went to The Comedy Store and I got two dick suckings right out of the way. I mean, I sucked a bag of dick in the main room, and then I took that same energy into the original room and sucked another bag of dicks.

Joe Rogan 46:17 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 46:17 But I wanted to try new material. See, I was failing in the past. I was going to all these other clubs and going, "Let me not, let me not try shit at The Comedy Store." Listen, you bring everything to the chapel at The Comedy Store and let the pieces fall where they may. It's 15 to get in. You do know that?

Joe Rogan 46:32 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 46:32 And they're gonna see 22 comics and so-

Joe Rogan 46:34 And they're gonna see 22 comics that headline all over the world.

Joey Diaz 46:37 Yeah. So suck my dick. I'm gonna go up there and give you 150%, but I'm gonna go up there and try new shit. Last night I was talking about that we've all as men at one time or another me too'd somebody. That's how you learn not to be a me tooer, is by me twoing somebody one time, and then you go, "That wasn't right, and then I'll never me too again." For me, I was v-

Joe Rogan 46:58 It's a weird adjective.

Joey Diaz 46:59 Oh, and I started out with it. I opened up with it to really put myself in the fucking hole of debt. I might as well go out there with a Clint Cooper.

Joe Rogan 47:06 Is, is that, is that an adverb? What is that?

Joey Diaz 47:07 Me twoing?

Joe Rogan 47:09 Is it a verb?

Narrator 47:10 Yeah, that's a verb.

Joe Rogan 47:11 If you me too somebody?

Jamie Vernon 47:11 Has to be an adverb, yeah. It's like a...

Joe Rogan 47:13 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 47:14 The only way you learned (laughs) how to me-

Joe Rogan 47:16 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 47:16 The only way you learn how to not be m- a me tooer is by me twoing. You shoplifted candy when you were a kid, right?

Joe Rogan 47:22 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 47:22 And your mother told you, smacked you, and she goes, "That's not right." Same thing with me tooing. This LA is a fucking ... Uh, me too was invented here. They fucked Marilyn Mar- Monroe to death.

Joe Rogan 47:33 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 47:34 They fucked her to death. Her vaginal thing looked like fucking, that fucking embassy in Tehran, whatever they bombed.

Joe Rogan 47:39 What was that famous Fatty Arbuckle case where there was a-

Joey Diaz 47:43 Th- This is, this is just disgusting people out here.

Joe Rogan 47:45 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 47:45 This is w- w- you know, b- between the Bikram documentary, did you see that one?

Joe Rogan 47:49 I didn't see that yet.

Joey Diaz 47:50 That filthy fucking animal getting women to suck that fucking s- 90-degree weather, six yoga session dick.

Joe Rogan 47:58 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 47:58 That's just cruelty to animals. You could put you in jail for just sucking that dick.

Joe Rogan 48:03 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 48:03 You know, Harvey, all that shit happens here.

Joe Rogan 48:06 Uh-laugh.

Joey Diaz 48:06 But as us as men, we've all me too'd somebody when you were a kid by mistake.

Joe Rogan 48:11 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 48:11 And for me, I was in love with this lady named Faye. She was 37, had big juicy tits. She'd wear hot pants. I was about 14. I had never even seen a vagina, no titties, nothing. And we used to play basketball and our two dogs were blind. She had French poodles, and she had flip-flops and she'd cross the street, and she was so hot. She was 38 and she had a husband that was like 60. He would just barely be alive, like that dude from Texas that was fucking her in the cold.

Joe Rogan 48:39 J. Howard Marshall? (laughs)

Joey Diaz 48:40 And he would watch her 'cause he knew we were savages, we were gonna take her down.

Joe Rogan 48:44 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 48:45 She had two daughters, and the daughters were badass, and, but one of my goombahs dated one of the daughters. I never told him I was in lo- Every time I played basketball, Faye would come out and the game would just stop, and she'd turn for us and the sun would shine through her halter. Remember halter tops?

Joe Rogan 49:02 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 49:02 It was in the '70s. And she had real yummy titties with the nipples sticking up.

Joe Rogan 49:07 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 49:07 And it drove me crazy. I was 13, 14.

Joe Rogan 49:11 Ugh.

Joey Diaz 49:11 I lived through that. I'd see her in the winter with-... pants on, she looked delicious.

Joe Rogan 49:15 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 49:16 And finally, summer of fucking '79, I'm getting all fucked up with some friends of mine, and I'm, we're drinking fucking Nips, we snorted some angel dust.

Joe Rogan 49:26 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 49:26 And we're listening to Led Zeppelin II. If you're going to fuck anybody, Led Zeppelin II is the album to get you... It starts off with Whole Lotta Love, that just gets your hips moving, and then it goes into the Lemon Song. And he's talking about, "Squeeze me baby 'til the juice runs down my leg." I'm like, "That's it. The juice is running down my leg tonight."

Joe Rogan 49:44 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 49:44 My mother was a flower chick. She had flowers everywhere. I put on, like, a shirt. I swear to God, it had to be about that, 'cause she would walk the dog at night, but the husband was 60-

Joe Rogan 49:52 How old were you at the time?

Joey Diaz 49:53 15.

Joe Rogan 49:55 Okay.

Joey Diaz 49:55 The dog would sleep. The, the husband would pa- pass out by 8:00, so she would take the dogs out for the 10:00, the last, she would put them down and, you know, they were kind of blind French poodles, and she would still wear the fucking tidy whities, you know, the, the Dixie-

Joe Rogan 50:11 Pants?

Joey Diaz 50:11 Dixie Dukes, Daisy Dukes shorts.

Joe Rogan 50:14 Daisy Dukes?

Joey Diaz 50:14 This is in the '70s before Daisy even was invented. She already had the Daisy on with the shirt. And I remember being on that angel dust hiding in the weeds-

Joe Rogan 50:22 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 50:23 ... like fucking, like fucking (laughs) with the flowers. I had flowers for her. I was going to bring her flowers, but my plan was to attack her, like-

Joe Rogan 50:32 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 50:32 ... just jump her in the thing, throw it down, and get with the flowers. This is how crazy I was.

Joe Rogan 50:36 You were gonna attack her?

Joey Diaz 50:38 Like, I couldn't take it no more. Like, I wanted to marry her, like, that's how fucked up I was.

Joe Rogan 50:43 And you were on angel dust?

Joey Diaz 50:44 And I was on angel dust. It was whatever, THC, crystal, call it what you want, it's animal tranquilizer-

Joe Rogan 50:49 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 50:49 ... no matter how you look at it. And I remember that I ran up on her and she turned and she goes, "Coco, what's going on?" I go, and I just stopped and I go, "Fay, I'm in love with you."

Joe Rogan 51:00 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 51:01 And she's like, "What are you talking about?" And I'm like, "Fay, I've been in love with you for two years, I want to run off with you, fuck my mother." I'm like, "I just... Let's get a job. Let's, let's leave."

Joe Rogan 51:09 Wow. (laughs)

Joey Diaz 51:10 And she's looking at me like, like, li- like I was retarded.

Joe Rogan 51:13 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 51:14 First of all, she's looking at me like, "This kid is fucking snapped." And she goes, "You've been drinking." I'm like, "I still love you. Take the flowers." And she goes, "I'll tell you what, if I divorce my husband, I'll, I'll, I'll consider it." And I was like, "Okay, I can live with that. Can I give you a kiss?" And I kissed her on the cheek and I could feel the heat going up my head. And finally as I went to turn away, I looked at her legs, she had the juiciest legs in the world. And I go, "Can I touch your thigh?" And she goes, "Go ahead, l- joro," and I touched, like, her kneecap, and my dick just exploded with sperm.

Joe Rogan 51:50 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 51:50 I ran away like Steven Seagal.

Joe Rogan 51:52 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 51:52 You ever see Steven Seagal run? He runs like a fucking retard (laughs) with that little limp. You ever see Steven Seagal run? There's a couple... You ever see him run in fucking, in, in, uh, what's the-

Joe Rogan 51:59 He runs very strange. He's very tall.

Joey Diaz 52:02 What's the first one he did that's really good with-

Joe Rogan 52:05 Above the Law.

Joey Diaz 52:06 Look at him. Look at how he runs.

Joe Rogan 52:07 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 52:07 He runs like a fucking retard. Look at him. Look at him. Can you imagine?

Joe Rogan 52:12 He's just built odd. He's just really tall. He does run a little loose with the hands, which is kind of confusing.

Joey Diaz 52:20 Which one was this one? This is the second one.

Joe Rogan 52:22 That's, that's Above the Law.

Jamie Vernon 52:23 I, I think it's cutting, it's cutting all of them, yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 52:25 Oh, it's all, it's a bunch of different movies now because now he's got more hair.

Joey Diaz 52:27 Right, because people goof on him because of the way he runs.

Joe Rogan 52:31 Yeah. Yeah.

Joey Diaz 52:31 Bro, he was married to Kelly Le Brock, dawg, at one time.

Joe Rogan 52:35 Dude, at one time he was the man.

Joey Diaz 52:37 How many times did I jerk off to Kelly Le Brock in Woman in Red-

Joe Rogan 52:40 Look at him. (laughs)

Joey Diaz 52:41 ... when Gene Wilder calls for her?

Joe Rogan 52:42 (laughs) He... This is what it is, his s- his steps are too short and his wrists flip around, because he's used to doing Aikido, right? He's used to, like, everything is, like, flowing.

Joey Diaz 52:52 George, Joe, don't protect him. Please, don't protect him with the Aikidos. He runs-

Joe Rogan 52:54 I'm just saying, that's what it is.

Joey Diaz 52:56 ... like a half a fruitcake.

Joe Rogan 52:56 He's running... (laughs)

Joey Diaz 52:57 Don't, don't throw Aikido in there.

Joe Rogan 52:59 (laughs)

Jamie Vernon 52:59 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 52:59 Those Japanese people w- worked 3,000 years to put Aikido on the map-

Joe Rogan 53:04 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 53:04 ... and now you're gonna set them back. That poor Aikido school in Burbank has moved eight times. They keep losing students. They're down to two students wearing a smock and a fucking sword.

Joe Rogan 53:14 Hmm.

Joey Diaz 53:14 Who's gonna go for Aikido lessons now?

Joe Rogan 53:16 Someone who doesn't really wanna fight and you wanna, uh, you wanna be able to p- passively get someone away from you, which is not realistic.

Joey Diaz 53:24 But the sword part.

Joe Rogan 53:25 The sword part could come up if shit hits the fan. If we go back in, you know, if we get knocked into the Stone Age from-

Joey Diaz 53:32 George, I don't know why you're doing this to me.

Joe Rogan 53:32 ... a nuclear war with Russia (laughs)

Joey Diaz 53:33 I want you give me this here beat, now I need the joint again.

Joe Rogan 53:36 You need to be learning.

Joey Diaz 53:36 No.

Joe Rogan 53:36 You need to learn how to dodge sticks.

Joey Diaz 53:39 Yeah, they moved. They're in Burbank.

Joe Rogan 53:41 (sighs)

Joey Diaz 53:41 And I've thought about... When I was a kid, I went to Aikido for about two weeks.

Joe Rogan 53:45 It's probably fun.

Joey Diaz 53:45 The guy's name was Richard Beau. He was, like, supposed to be a big time in Guttenberg, New Jersey.

Joe Rogan 53:51 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 53:51 And he taught how to, like, deflection stuff, but Steven Seagal in Above the Law took it to a different level, that, uh, that, uh, arm, that throat slam.

Joe Rogan 54:00 Oh, yeah.

Joey Diaz 54:00 He's got the deflection throat slam, that's fucking beautiful.

Joe Rogan 54:05 I had a meeting with a guy in a, in a movie. There's this, like, my agent sent me in to meet with this guy. They were looking for someone to do, like, a Steven Seagal type movie. They were looking to, they were gonna try to create an action star. And we actually had, like, a argument about this movie.

Joey Diaz 54:23 That move right there, but the last part-

Joe Rogan 54:26 Where he pulls his throat out. (laughs)

Joey Diaz 54:27 Yeah. Oh, that, that, that's when he got carried away. That's-

Joe Rogan 54:30 Ah.

Joey Diaz 54:30 That's when he just went over the top.

Joe Rogan 54:32 Oh, it's hilarious.

Joey Diaz 54:32 But in the first movie-

Joe Rogan 54:33 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 54:34 In Above the Law and the one where he fucked up the Jamaicans.

Joe Rogan 54:39 Oh, yeah. Which one was that? With the swords?

Joey Diaz 54:41 That one and then-

Joe Rogan 54:41 Sword fights.

Joey Diaz 54:41 And then Hard to Kill-

Joe Rogan 54:43 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 54:43 ... was when he... That, that's the one that pissed me off because... Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You're in a coma for four years and two days, two days later you're throwing sidekicks.

Joe Rogan 54:50 Yeah, and he's putting, like-

Joey Diaz 54:51 Yeah, needles in himself.

Joe Rogan 54:52 ... acupuncture needles all over so he fixes himself. (laughs)

Joey Diaz 54:56 Yeah. Jesus Christ.

Joe Rogan 54:57 (laughs)

Jamie Vernon 54:58 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 54:58 Jesus Christ. You know?

Joe Rogan 54:59 I loved it, at the time.

Joey Diaz 55:01 I know, I love... I, I loved it too. I loved him too. I loved him too.

Joe Rogan 55:04 The, the thing about him, man, is I think in that first movie, it was, uh, o- one of the more unique martial arts movies. Like, Above the Law... Like, it's almost a shame that he made a bunch of movies that weren't as good, because if you go back to Above the Law, in terms of, like, martial arts history, and Above the Law is a legitimate...... historical movie in terms of martial arts movies because it was the first movie where you got to see a real akido practitioner with a hybridized system of martial arts. Like, he was doing akido, but he was also throwing a lot of punches and knife hand strikes and a lot of strikes. It wasn't just-

Joey Diaz 55:44 See if they showed the bodega scene in Above the Law.

Joe Rogan 55:47 But just play this out.

Joey Diaz 55:48 That's the ba- Oh, yeah. All this happened.

Joe Rogan 55:50 This, this guy ... Look, all the bullshit ... I mean, I've made fun of him as much as anybody, but listen, his akido skills were very legit. He was very legit. Whether or not that stuff's real or not, that's a subject for debate, whether or not it's really effective when you look at other things like wrestling and jujitsu. Is it the most effective way to gr- or judo, is it the most effective way? No, it's not. But no one knew that back then and he, at the time, in the 1980s and '90s was a world-class martial artist. He just had a style that ultimately didn't really prove to be the best style, but so did I.

Joey Diaz 56:30 Right here.

Joe Rogan 56:30 I was doing TaeKwonDo.

Joey Diaz 56:31 No, no, no. This is, this is hard to kill.

Joe Rogan 56:34 A lot of people were doing kung fu. A lot of people were doing things that they thought were legit, but they really ... Once the UFC came around, we found out, "Oh, this is not the best way to do it."

Joey Diaz 56:43 Now, this is '87. There's a kid in this scene that was just in a movie with Clint Eastwood, The Mule. He's been doing movies for fucking 30 years. I can't right now. That dude with the tattoos. How many fucking movies has he's been a bad guy in? Right there, the second guy (overlapping speech)

Joe Rogan 56:59 That guy right there?

Joey Diaz 57:00 Right there.

Joe Rogan 57:00 Oh my God. That guy's in every fucking bad guy movie.

Joey Diaz 57:02 Every movie.

Joe Rogan 57:02 He's great. Who is he? What's his name?

Joey Diaz 57:04 He used to live in Vegas, I heard. He had some restaurant in Va- I'm not even sure.

Joe Rogan 57:10 I love a good shitty, uh, drama, a good shitty cop drama. Like, I love, I love, like, going back and watching some 1990s cop dramas. They're fun.

Joey Diaz 57:21 Kojak.

Joe Rogan 57:22 Oh, Kojak. I remember Kojak.

Joey Diaz 57:23 With the lollipop at the end.

Joe Rogan 57:25 How about Baretta?

Joey Diaz 57:26 Baretta.

Joe Rogan 57:29 How about that fucking-

Joey Diaz 57:30 You know which one was good, bro, that they gotta bring back?

Joe Rogan 57:33 What?

Joey Diaz 57:34 Wise Guy.

Joe Rogan 57:35 What was Wise Guy?

Joey Diaz 57:36 The good-looking dude with the fucking ... He was undercover with the mafia, but he really was a cop from the CIA.

Joe Rogan 57:44 Like a Donnie Brasco-type situation?

Joey Diaz 57:45 He was really good-looking dude. Really a good-looking dude.

Joe Rogan 57:48 This is it right here?

Joey Diaz 57:49 He fucked people up. No-

Joe Rogan 57:51 Wise-

Joey Diaz 57:51 ... that's not.

Joe Rogan 57:51 No, this is a movie.

Joey Diaz 57:53 Wise Guy was a TV series. What was his ... Robert Wall, Robert ... Good-looking dude. He ca- he came out with Paul Newman in, uh (snaps fingers) Fort Apache in the Bronx.

Joe Rogan 58:05 Oh. Wise Guy, the TV series. What am I looking at here, Jamie? Is this-

Joey Diaz 58:14 That's him.

Joe Rogan 58:14 Oh, that guy. Oh, I remember that guy.

Joey Diaz 58:17 Yeah, you remember that dude.

Joe Rogan 58:18 Fuck. Who is that dude? Does it say?

Jamie Vernon 58:24 Nope, not there.

Joe Rogan 58:26 See, go to just a regular search of it instead of watching the video of it. That's right. There were so many of the ... You remember Wings?

Joey Diaz 58:33 Wings.

Joe Rogan 58:34 Fore-

Joey Diaz 58:35 And Jan-Michael Vincent was in Wings.

Joe Rogan 58:36 Yeah. Was he?

Joey Diaz 58:38 Sure. That's the one they put him over the top.

Joe Rogan 58:39 No, no, no, no. Wings was the TV show.

Joey Diaz 58:43 On NBC.

Joe Rogan 58:44 Right?

Joey Diaz 58:44 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 58:45 Jan-Michael Vincent wasn't in Wings.

Joey Diaz 58:47 Wi- Jan-Michael Vincent was in some show about ... fuck, Ken Wahl.

Joe Rogan 58:51 Ken Wahl.

Joey Diaz 58:52 Ken- Jan-Michael Vincent was in some movie about ... a TV show about pilots in the air that hunted you down on CBS. That's when he went fucking-

Joe Rogan 59:03 That's when he went crazy?

Joey Diaz 59:04 That's when he went crazy.

Joe Rogan 59:05 Well, he went crazy, like, straight from the, the, uh, Mechanic. Like, he went, like ... I think it was Fame that probably did that guy in, right? Fame and Drugs.

Joey Diaz 59:13 No, it was Alcoholism, the alcoholism.

Joe Rogan 59:16 Alcohol.

Joey Diaz 59:16 At the end.

Joe Rogan 59:16 But a lot of that was probably to do with-

Joey Diaz 59:18 Airwolf.

Joe Rogan 59:18 ... Fame too.

Joey Diaz 59:19 Airwolf.

Joe Rogan 59:19 Airwolf.

Joey Diaz 59:20 Airwolf, yeah.

Joe Rogan 59:22 Four Seasons. That guy in The Mechanic, if you go back to the, the original Charles Bronson version of The Mechanic, he was slated to be the next big superstar, right?

Joey Diaz 59:36 He was... He did a movie for Disney with, uh, Kurt Russell called The World's Greatest Athlete, and right there, he fucked things up. He was, he was a Disney guy first. You don't remember The World's Greatest Athlete?

Joe Rogan 59:50 No.

Joey Diaz 59:51 He went, he went to pick up the weights and his arm's stretched. Him and fucking, uh ... That was his first movie. It was a Disney movie. And then he went on to become Jan-Michael in The Mechanic. Look at ... Yeah, look at him, dawg.

Joe Rogan 1:00:07 Ooh, he's handsome.

Jamie Vernon 1:00:09 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:00:09 Dawg, he was the first Brad Pitt.

Joe Rogan 1:00:11 He was. Look how gripped he is too.

Joey Diaz 1:00:13 He was the original Brad Pitt.

Joe Rogan 1:00:14 Look at him running. Look at this science fiction where he's out-sprinting black guys.

Jamie Vernon 1:00:18 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:00:18 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:00:18 This is a science fiction movie.

Joey Diaz 1:00:21 Well, this is why he was the great-

Joe Rogan 1:00:22 Look at this.

Joey Diaz 1:00:22 ... The World's Greatest Athlete.

Joe Rogan 1:00:23 With beautiful hair, this white guy is out-sprinting ... Everyone else looks like they're straight outta Jamaica, right outta the Jamaica track team. (laughs) This is a ridiculous film. Look how much further he is ahead of than those guys who you know would beat him in a real race.

Joey Diaz 1:00:40 Even the Black people are cheering for him.

Joe Rogan 1:00:42 (laughs)

Jamie Vernon 1:00:43 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:00:43 Even the brothers are cheering for him.

Joe Rogan 1:00:44 Tigers. He did look fucking fantastic back then, though. Like, look what kind of shape that guy was in.

Joey Diaz 1:00:49 Look at the guy from Good Times, Howard. This is a great movie. This is one of his first movies that blew him up. Then he got The Mechanic and fucking ... That's how they're killing people today, with the-

Joe Rogan 1:01:02 How about Good Times?

Joey Diaz 1:01:04 The, the TV show?

Joe Rogan 1:01:05 Remember that fucking show?

Joey Diaz 1:01:06 Dawg, I saw her in an audition about 15 years ago, LaWanda, the neighbor. I told her, "I fucking loved you when I was a kid."

Joe Rogan 1:01:15 Oh, that's awesome.

Joey Diaz 1:01:15 And she still looked good. She was the neighbor lady, not the skinny daughter.

Joe Rogan 1:01:20 Yeah. Pull up the cast-

Joey Diaz 1:01:21 Not the-

Joe Rogan 1:01:21 ... of Good Times. Dude, this, this show ... J.J. Walker still, to this day, is known for one saying, "Dynamite."

Joey Diaz 1:01:31 And he won't say it unless you give him three grand.

Joe Rogan 1:01:34 (laughs) He's probably so tired of it.

Joey Diaz 1:01:37 Remember some num- number of clubs were giving him $1,500 a week, and he's like, "You want me to stay dining money in there?"

Joe Rogan 1:01:41 Yeah, but give me the, like, the, uh, the names of everybody.

Joey Diaz 1:01:45 Oh.

Joe Rogan 1:01:45 Just go to... Yeah, look at that fucking show. 1974, first episode. This was a show, like, every... That was interesting, right? It was 'cause there was a-

Joey Diaz 1:01:56 Janet Jackson as a little girl.

Joe Rogan 1:01:57 There was quite a few... Even though there wasn't that many television shows, there was quite a few big name black shows. Sanford and Son, Good Times, The Jeffersons. Like, during that era, even though there weren't that many TV shows, there was quite a few-

Joey Diaz 1:02:15 What was the basketball show?

Joe Rogan 1:02:17 Oh, The White Shadow.

Joey Diaz 1:02:18 The White Shadow. Tremendous.

Joe Rogan 1:02:19 Yeah, The White Shadow.

Joey Diaz 1:02:20 Tremendous. Tremendous.

Joe Rogan 1:02:21 Yeah, I forgot about that show.

Joey Diaz 1:02:24 Tremendous.

Joe Rogan 1:02:25 Yeah. Dude, to this day, Sanford and Son's one of the best sitcoms of all time. There's some fucking episodes of Sanford and Son that I'll listen to, or I'll watch rather, to this day, and I'll still laugh at Redd Foxx.

Joey Diaz 1:02:37 He is so fucking raw. And I wish network television would look at that and go, "It's time for us to take the sticks out of our ass again."

Joe Rogan 1:02:48 They can't. They're stuck. (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:02:50 He... Well, somebody has to do it first.

Joe Rogan 1:02:53 It's just gonna be their own demise.

Joey Diaz 1:02:55 You know, you know, w- we're comedians. You're a comedian, I'm a comedian, I try real hard. This was our early education.

Joe Rogan 1:03:03 Yes.

Joey Diaz 1:03:03 This couldn't have been a better education than watching it. And here, we're watching... Remember, we're watching Paul Mooney write these lines.

Joe Rogan 1:03:11 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 1:03:12 Paul Mooney was one of the writers on this, so we had Richard Pryor on one end, but then you had this sick fuck. He hated Puerto Ricans. "I don't want no Puerto Ricans (slapping desk) in my house." He hated Julio the neighbor.

Joe Rogan 1:03:26 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:03:26 He hated Julio the neighbor.

Joe Rogan 1:03:28 God.

Joey Diaz 1:03:28 You know, America... This was Friday nights, and then it was followed by Chico and the Man at 8:30.

Joe Rogan 1:03:33 Yes.

Joey Diaz 1:03:34 You know?

Joe Rogan 1:03:34 Freddie Prinze.

Joey Diaz 1:03:35 CBS had their answer of fucking, of, uh, Archie Bunker-

Joe Rogan 1:03:40 Mm-hmm.

Joey Diaz 1:03:41 ... which will never happen again. Every year they try to do a d- different Archie Bunker, and they're never gonna do it 'cause it's not coming from the heart.

Joe Rogan 1:03:47 Yeah.

Joey Diaz 1:03:48 They can't sell it like he did. That... He does a scene when, when he, wh- when Sammy Davis Jr has to kiss him. Like, there's a scene of fucking, when Sammy Davis-

Joe Rogan 1:04:00 What was the actor's name again? Carroll-

Joey Diaz 1:04:02 Carroll O'Conner.

Joe Rogan 1:04:03 Carroll O'Conner.

Joey Diaz 1:04:04 When Carroll O'Con... He grabbed Carroll O'Conner and kissed him in the fucking lips. That... You know, i- i- it w- so many different... Yeah, right here, all this shit.

Joe Rogan 1:04:15 You know what's crazy? Carroll O'Conner was, uh, like, a great actor, an actor for his whole life, but he's known, for sure, more than anything for being Archie Bunker.

Joey Diaz 1:04:27 Right here. Look at this face.

Joe Rogan 1:04:35 Yeah, like, it was supposed to be funny that Archie Bunker was racist.

Joey Diaz 1:04:38 And by the way, just for the record, everybody always thought he was a black Jew. You better throw Cuban in there too. His mother was Cuban, Sammy Davis Jr. I just found that one out.

Joe Rogan 1:04:46 What? Really?

Joey Diaz 1:04:46 Yeah, his mother was Cuban. Afro-Cuban.

Joe Rogan 1:04:49 Now, look at everyone laughing at him because Sammy Davis Jr kissed him, he freaked out. Look at everyone laughing at him. You could... Like, gay jokes, black jokes, white jokes, Puerto Rican jokes. They, they talk shit about everybody on that show. (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:05:07 You go back in TV now 10 years, and you're gonna see the difference. You go back in film and there's some films that right off the start, they're offensive.

Joe Rogan 1:05:15 Oh, yeah.

Joey Diaz 1:05:16 In today's world, they're very offensive. I, I just saw something that was on, like, regular TV, and me and my wife were like, "This wouldn't fly today."

Joe Rogan 1:05:26 What-

Joey Diaz 1:05:26 It was just something that was on, like, at nine o'clock. It wouldn't fly.

Joe Rogan 1:05:29 Well, what about Ace Ventura Pet Detective? It was all about a guy who's trans. A guy who was preten- he was cross-dressing, at the very least, like, pretending to be a girl, but it turns out to be a guy the whole time. And everyone's disgusted because they k- they, they had kissed him thinking it was a girl, so everyone's throwing up and... Like, you would never be able to do that today. It would be transphobic. People would freak out. Do you remember that?

Joey Diaz 1:05:57 No.

Joe Rogan 1:05:58 There's that pretty lady who was in a bunch of movies back then, but then just, like, went off the rails. Sean Young. Do you remember her? She was in Blade Runner. She was the beautiful young robot in Blade Runner. She was in a bunch of movies, man, but then she just went off the rails. She, she's one of those Jan-Michael Vincent-type characters for a bit, I think, where just the pressure of it all was just too much. So this is the scene at the end of it. Is that Courtney Cox with the gun?

Joey Diaz 1:06:27 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:06:28 Yeah.

Jamie Vernon 1:06:28 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:06:28 And there's Sean Young. That's that lady. And so we find out in this scene that he's really... Or she's really a guy. Or... I don't get it. Or she's... How do you say it today? (laughs)

Jamie Vernon 1:06:42 She's trans people.

Joe Rogan 1:06:44 Back then you'd say, "It's a guy pretending to be a girl," but you don't say that anymore. Now, now you say what? She's trans. So, but we're supposed to believe that she's got a giant hog under there? Where's the scene? Is this taken from-

Jamie Vernon 1:06:56 Well, yeah, he's gotta lead up to it. He's explaining everything to them.

Joe Rogan 1:07:00 Yeah. So he tells them all that that's a guy, so this is, like, some bad guy that they've been looking for.

Jamie Vernon 1:07:05 He's the famous kicker for the Miami Dolphins.

Joe Rogan 1:07:06 That's right. That's right.

Jamie Vernon 1:07:07 Greg Frenkel.

Joe Rogan 1:07:08 Oh, that's right. That's right.

Jamie Vernon 1:07:09 Lays this out.

Joe Rogan 1:07:09 That's right. That's right. And he's angry because he fucked up that one game.

Jamie Vernon 1:07:14 Yeah, all these, all these cops know about this one game.

Joe Rogan 1:07:19 Yeah.

Jamie Vernon 1:07:20 Uh, boom. There's the part. So she's supposed to have it tucked in right there.

Joe Rogan 1:07:26 Right.

Jamie Vernon 1:07:26 Or something. And they all flip around.

Joe Rogan 1:07:28 And Tone Lokes in there too?

Jamie Vernon 1:07:29 There's Captain Winky.

Joe Rogan 1:07:30 No, he's gonna... He's gonna turn her around so everybody can see that she's got a hog. Turn her around.

Jamie Vernon 1:07:37 Would you excuse me for just one second? I don't want this guy putting heat on me.

Joey Diaz 1:07:43 ... really turning it out here.

Joe Rogan 1:07:43 What happens here? Yeah, 'cause it's the big reveal. There it is.

Joey Diaz 1:07:46 There it is.

Jamie Vernon 1:07:47 Looks like it could be making people-

Joe Rogan 1:07:48 Look at them all throw up. (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:07:52 (laughs)

Joe Rogan 1:07:52 Everyone's throwing up. Like, Tone Loc is cleaning his tongue up. The dolphin's throwing up.

Joey Diaz 1:07:58 Even the fucking dolphin's throwing up.

Joe Rogan 1:07:59 Everyone's throwing up-

Joey Diaz 1:08:00 So now, what-

Joe Rogan 1:08:00 ... 'cause they saw a, a woman with a dick.

Joey Diaz 1:08:02 So let me ask you a question. A couple weeks ago, Disney+ premiered.

Joe Rogan 1:08:05 Mm.

Joey Diaz 1:08:06 Two days later, people were throwing fits. What do you want them to do, to go back and take all this shit out of these old movies?

Joe Rogan 1:08:14 Well, that's a good question.

Joey Diaz 1:08:15 Is that what you want?

Joe Rogan 1:08:16 Do you, do you ever go to Disneyland?

Joey Diaz 1:08:17 Yes.

Joe Rogan 1:08:17 You know that one ride? What is it, uh, Splash Mountain?

Joey Diaz 1:08:21 Yes.

Joe Rogan 1:08:21 That Splash Mountain ride is based on a movie that you can't even watch anymore. It was a r- it was a really racist movie. (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:08:30 Well, Disney was racist. Was he not?

Joe Rogan 1:08:32 I don't know. I don't know.

Joey Diaz 1:08:33 Somebody said Disney was. I, I don't know. I don't have time to fucking go through this shit.

Joe Rogan 1:08:36 But this Splash Mountain was...

Joey Diaz 1:08:38 But-

Joe Rogan 1:08:38 This is, this is... It's called The Song of the South. That was the movie. And it... From what year is that, Jamie?

Joey Diaz 1:08:44 Uh, '46.

Joe Rogan 1:08:46 1946. Bro, the, p- people were different animals back then.

Joey Diaz 1:08:50 Dog.

Joe Rogan 1:08:50 We're not even the same species.

Joey Diaz 1:08:51 What about the lady who sang the national anthem at the Yankees? Somebody found out that 30 years before that. You didn't know about that?

Joe Rogan 1:09:03 No.

Joey Diaz 1:09:03 You gotta look this up. She sang songs that were like, totally racist, like Spooky Get Out of Town.

Joe Rogan 1:09:09 (laughs)

Joey Diaz 1:09:09 Like, shit like this. Please, look it up right now.

Joe Rogan 1:09:11 And she sang the national anthem?

Joey Diaz 1:09:13 Right now. So, uh, two ball fields took her version of the national anthem down. You had to read this shit. She was there.

Joe Rogan 1:09:22 Kate Smith's God Bless America, out at Yankee Stadium over racist song.

Joey Diaz 1:09:27 Listen to the song she sang.

Joe Rogan 1:09:29 Who's Kate? Who's Kate Smith?

Joey Diaz 1:09:30 Some fucking fat chick from 1920.

Joe Rogan 1:09:32 Thir- 1931 song?

Joey Diaz 1:09:34 Yeah. That's why darkies were born.

Joe Rogan 1:09:36 Wait a minute. She sang this in 1931?

Joey Diaz 1:09:38 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:09:39 How old is this bitch?

Joey Diaz 1:09:40 D- d- e- eh...

Joe Rogan 1:09:42 (laughs) Is she still alive?

Joey Diaz 1:09:43 It's like the recording of God Bless America from back then, that they used to just play during the middle of the game.

Joe Rogan 1:09:47 Right, she sang that. But when did she...

Joey Diaz 1:09:49 When... She recorded in 1930-something. I don't know.

Joe Rogan 1:09:51 But when did she sing the national anthem?

Joey Diaz 1:09:53 No, no. Sh- it's the God Bless America, is what they're talking about here. But they paid-

Joe Rogan 1:09:57 Okay, but when did she sing God Bless America?

Joey Diaz 1:09:59 1929, 1930-something? I don't know. Back then. But she also sung, sang a song called That's Why Darkies Were Born.

Joe Rogan 1:10:06 I was confused.

Joey Diaz 1:10:07 Which-

Joe Rogan 1:10:07 I was thinking that you were saying that she sang it at the stadium.

Joey Diaz 1:10:09 Listen to the lyrics. Someone had to pick cotton.

Joe Rogan 1:10:12 She-

Joey Diaz 1:10:12 Someone had to pick the corn. Someone had to be a slave, and somebody had to sing. That's why darkies were born.

Joe Rogan 1:10:19 Oof.

Joey Diaz 1:10:20 That, you know. I mean, all these things, you have to...

Joe Rogan 1:10:24 The song, which has been called a satirical take on racism, was a big hit for Smith, and also was recorded by Paul Robeson. Hmm.

Joey Diaz 1:10:35 Hmm.

Joe Rogan 1:10:35 Hmm. So she wrote and sang God Bless America. So the version that you would hear, like, "God bless America."

Joey Diaz 1:10:41 She didn't write... She s- yeah, yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:10:42 She sang it. So the re- recorded it. So the version that you would hear would be back then.

Joey Diaz 1:10:46 Right.

Joe Rogan 1:10:46 See now, see, that's a... (exhales) That's where shit gets weird. You know, there's been a lot of great people over the years that have had some horrible ideas, you know. So you have to wonder, like, like if we just cut out the guy... I mean, how many peop- different people who have invented incredible things that we use all the time, were also really shitty human beings? Like, you know about that Fritz Haber guy? The guy that,