Joe Rogan Experience #1409 - Joey Diaz

1. 0:02 – 0:29

   Vulgar texting jokes and the misery of office life

   1. JDJoey Diaz0:02

      Get that picture of that fucking monkey I sent you this morning for breakfast?

   2. JRJoe Rogan0:05

      What's that?

   3. JDJoey Diaz0:06

      Who sends you those type of pictures anymore?

   4. JRJoe Rogan0:08

      What, what, oh, that-

   5. JDJoey Diaz0:09

      The pictures.

   6. JRJoe Rogan0:10

      ... that, that, the picture you sent me? Yeah, that, that girl's, uh, lovely private parts?

   7. JDJoey Diaz0:14

      Oh.

   8. JRJoe Rogan0:14

      That's the best name for a vagina, monkey. (laughs)

   9. JDJoey Diaz0:18

      (laughs) I send them to everybody too, presidents of corporations-

   10. JRJoe Rogan0:21

       (laughs)

   11. JDJoey Diaz0:21

       ... cops, on Monday, happy Monday.

   12. JRJoe Rogan0:24

       (laughs)

   13. JDJoey Diaz0:24

       You make their day, everybody's day is a lot better. Start the day on the right foot, you know? (laughs)

2. 0:29 – 1:36

   Sales meetings, Tony Robbins seminars, and Joey’s Subaru origin story

   1. JRJoe Rogan0:29

      Especially p- presidents of corporations, people that... Can you imagine if you had to work in a fucking office for your, your, your whole life, as old as we are now? If we were in an office since the time we were really 23, 24 years old? Right outta school, just every day, button down, trying not to say anything that's gonna get you in trouble. Just trying to fucking make it to five o'clock, and then immediately go to a bar and talk shit with your friends, and then do it all over again on Monday. Oh.

   2. JDJoey Diaz0:54

      I, I time it so I know you're in a meeting.

   3. JRJoe Rogan0:56

      (laughs)

   4. JDJoey Diaz0:57

      I know that you're in a meeting with eight white dudes-

   5. JRJoe Rogan1:00

      (laughs)

   6. JDJoey Diaz1:00

      ... and they're real serious about, you know, numbers has to be up, statistics. And all of a sudden your phone rings, you fucking open it up and it's a picture of a woman's vagina.

   7. JRJoe Rogan1:09

      (laughs)

   8. JDJoey Diaz1:09

      And it breaks up the whole morning, you're like, "Thank God Joey Diaz exists, because he understands what I'm going through."

   9. JRJoe Rogan1:16

      h-

   10. JDJoey Diaz1:16

       That's tough, that's tough, going to sales meetings. I used to go to sales meetings and they talk about... Dog, do you know I went to Anthony Robbins, uh, things?

   11. JRJoe Rogan1:24

       Did you?

   12. JDJoey Diaz1:25

       When I was a burglar I went to Anthony Robbins things.

   13. JRJoe Rogan1:27

       To be a better burglar?

   14. JDJoey Diaz1:28

       No, and I ended up kidnapping the motherfucker. He focused me.

   15. JRJoe Rogan1:31

       (laughs)

   16. JDJoey Diaz1:31

       I walked on the coals. I was all in with Anthony Robbins-

   17. JRJoe Rogan1:34

       You walked on the coals?

   18. JDJoey Diaz1:34

       ... you do know this.

   19. JRJoe Rogan1:35

       Really, you wa-

3. 1:36 – 7:48

   Why Subarus thrive in snow: quirky engineering and dealership lessons

   1. JDJoey Diaz1:36

      Because I worked for a Subaru dealership, so Subaru paid for you to go to Anthony Robbins seminars. So they would give me, like, three bills for the day for per diem. I would go to Denver and do the Anthony Robbins seminar. And I read the books-

   2. JRJoe Rogan1:50

      Dude, you should be a Subaru spokesperson. Who's more loyal to Subaru than you?

   3. JDJoey Diaz1:54

      Nobody.

   4. JRJoe Rogan1:54

      You fucking love Subarus.

   5. JDJoey Diaz1:56

      Love 'em.

   6. JRJoe Rogan1:56

      (laughs)

   7. JDJoey Diaz1:58

      Love 'em. I just cannot...

   8. JRJoe Rogan2:00

      Because you lived in Boulder.

   9. JDJoey Diaz2:01

      I lived in Aspen.

   10. JRJoe Rogan2:03

       Yes.

   11. JDJoey Diaz2:03

       And I saw vans, I saw every type of high level car spin around, and you just lose control and I... Did you ever lose control in Colorado?

   12. JRJoe Rogan2:15

       I didn't, but I did in Boston-

   13. JDJoey Diaz2:15

       Mrs. Rogan did.

   14. JRJoe Rogan2:16

       ... a bunch of times, yeah.

   15. JDJoey Diaz2:17

       And it wasn't fun for her.

   16. JRJoe Rogan2:18

       It's not, uh, whenever you're driving in snow it's touch and go.

   17. JDJoey Diaz2:21

       Not fun for her.

   18. JRJoe Rogan2:21

       You h- you could get patches of ice.

   19. JDJoey Diaz2:23

       And in Colorado at night you got a thing called black ice.

   20. JRJoe Rogan2:27

       Ooh.

   21. JDJoey Diaz2:27

       And, you know, I remember being... I worked at the Crestwood, I was security, and I had to pick people up at the airport at night. And I fucking did everything I could to get out of that job, because one night I was in a van with people doing the speed limit, no alcohol, you know me, and I just hit black ice and the thing started spinning.

   22. JRJoe Rogan2:47

       (whistles)

   23. JDJoey Diaz2:47

       And you don't know where you're gonna land.

   24. JRJoe Rogan2:48

       Oh, you have no idea. I was with Maguire once.

   25. JDJoey Diaz2:50

       You have no idea where you're gonna land.

   26. JRJoe Rogan2:51

       Chris Maguire and I were on our way to the airport in Ohio, and we, we crossed over a bridge. And bridges are where you get it, because there's no ground underneath it so things freeze quicker. We went over this bridge, it just, wee, just got lucky, nothing happened. We both went, "All right." You know, it stopped, uh, where we were facing the wrong way, but there was no one on the road, 'cause it was early. We were headed back to the airport, and we just got back in line and just went, "Okay, I remember this. I remember this." Like all of a sudden you got no power.

   27. JDJoey Diaz3:16

       You know, I love German technology, I love the look of a lot of sport cars and everything like that, but when I... There's been nights I've been... I've, uh, 10 years ago I had a gig in Irvine, and it was raining. One of those January in Cal- in California, just coming down. I mean, you couldn't see in front of you, and cars are pulled over and I'm doing 75 in a Subaru.

   28. JRJoe Rogan3:37

       Why is a Subaru so good at that? Like, what is the big deal about Subarus?

   29. JDJoey Diaz3:40

       When I first started with S- like, I, I had never sold a car before. I was a detailer. And I became friends with a guy at Subaru, and he would bust my balls every day. His name was Peter Pinto from Florida.

   30. JRJoe Rogan3:52

       (laughs)
4. 7:48 – 9:34

   Reliability, value for money, and how good modern cars have become

   1. JRJoe Rogan7:48

      All cars are so amazing now. It's like the, the, the bar is set so high that if you just get like a s-... Like, if you get a Mustang GT, just a Mustang GT today, which is, like, very reasonable. Like, I think a Ford Mustang GT, tell me how much one of those fucking things cost. But it's got performance that you couldn't even imagine 20 years ago, and it's probably under $50,000. It's probably 40 grand. How much are those?

   2. JVJamie Vernon8:14

      Starts at 26.

   3. JRJoe Rogan8:15

      26?

   4. JDJoey Diaz8:16

      26,000?

   5. JRJoe Rogan8:17

      Is that for the m- regular Mustang or the GT?

   6. JVJamie Vernon8:20

      Yeah, it just is, uh, well, I think that's just (clears throat) I typed in GT but it, it says regular on-

   7. JRJoe Rogan8:23

      Okay, so that's the re-... I think the regular one might have a six-cylinder, I'm not sure. I think they still do that.

   8. JVJamie Vernon8:27

      Go to the website. Premium-

   9. JRJoe Rogan8:28

      I might be, I might be wrong about that.

   10. JVJamie Vernon8:29

       Premium Fastback starts at 39.

   11. JRJoe Rogan8:31

       Okay, the, um, and that's the one with the V8, right? That's the Coyote V8, it's a five-liter V8. It's fucking w- real wicked powerful, like 460 horsepower. I mean, the, the power that you get with $40,000, $45,000 today, it's just insane. They keep getting better and better and better. It's like, where are they gonna go with these fucking things?

   12. JDJoey Diaz8:51

       And don't, and the leases are great.

   13. JRJoe Rogan8:53

       Oh, yeah.

   14. JDJoey Diaz8:53

       The leases are great. The lea- the deals they're giving you now, I mean, a buddy of mine just bought a car and he got a point and a half, uh, whatever, uh, interest rate-

   15. JRJoe Rogan9:04

       Hmm.

   16. JDJoey Diaz9:04

       ... or whatever, you know, for a point and a half mediocre credit, th- it's a time to buy a car.

   17. JRJoe Rogan9:09

       Yeah.

   18. JDJoey Diaz9:10

       And you can get whatever the fuck you want. I usually lease.

   19. JRJoe Rogan9:11

       And all cars are good now, that's the thing.

   20. JDJoey Diaz9:13

       Yeah, it's-

   21. JRJoe Rogan9:13

       It's like you can't make-

   22. JDJoey Diaz9:14

       It's-

   23. JRJoe Rogan9:14

       ... a shitty car anymore. Like am- America went through a time period w- we just made dog shit cars, and everybody knew that they broke. And everybody was like, "Look, if you buy American cars, you, you're gonna buy something that, it's gonna cost the same amount, but it's not gonna last as long." And the Japanese just took, the Germans, they just took over.

   24. JDJoey Diaz9:30

       They took it over, and then Lee Iacocca brought it back with the K Car.

5. 9:34 – 23:10

   Car culture tangents: Italians, old “tin can” cars, and the RX-7 as a ‘casket’

   1. JRJoe Rogan9:34

      You know what's the most hilarious country though for cars?

   2. JDJoey Diaz9:37

      (coughs)

   3. JRJoe Rogan9:37

      My people, the Italians.

   4. JDJoey Diaz9:39

      Don't, don't get me started.

   5. JRJoe Rogan9:39

      They never made a single car that's reliable. (laughs)

   6. JDJoey Diaz9:41

      You don't even get... Remember we had the conversation about my buddy who had the, the Italian car? He went and he went crazy.

   7. JRJoe Rogan9:48

      (laughs)

   8. JDJoey Diaz9:48

      "He's, I'm gonna keep it in my roots." The car is still in his garage, bro.

   9. JRJoe Rogan9:53

      (laughs)

   10. JDJoey Diaz9:53

       Rusty, fucking, the Bugatti or whatever the fuck he had.

   11. JRJoe Rogan9:57

       Apparently, the new ones you can drive. Like a new one, they're actually reliable.

   12. JDJoey Diaz10:01

       For two weeks.

   13. JRJoe Rogan10:02

       No, no, no, the new ones apparently. It's like everything else, they, they got to a point where they just had to have better electronics and-

   14. JDJoey Diaz10:08

       Do you remember the Triumph?

   15. JRJoe Rogan10:09

       Yes, I do.

   16. JDJoey Diaz10:10

       The Triumph.

   17. JRJoe Rogan10:11

       Yeah.

   18. JDJoey Diaz10:11

       See, we grew up on the Triumph, the Thing by Volkswagen.

   19. JRJoe Rogan10:15

       I don't remember that one. (laughs)

   20. JDJoey Diaz10:16

       The Thing by Volkswagen was a-

   21. JRJoe Rogan10:17

       Was that their little van thing?

   22. JDJoey Diaz10:18

       It was a little van thing, uh, that, that they're very, there's like 10 left. If you got a Thing, somebody'll give you $1 million for that.

   23. JRJoe Rogan10:25

       Really?

   24. JDJoey Diaz10:25

       They had a, Subaru made a car called the Justy.

   25. JRJoe Rogan10:28

       Oh, that's it? Wow.

   26. JDJoey Diaz10:28

       That's the Thing. Subaru made a car called the Justy, a three cylinder.

   27. JRJoe Rogan10:33

       Look at that thing.

   28. JDJoey Diaz10:34

       Just to beat, just to compete with, uh, Hyundai. When Hyundai came out with the Mup Mobile in '87, M- Hyundai changed the game. Hyundai came out with the Astana or whatever that c- little four-door car is, 160, you know, 150 down, 150 a month, busted the car industry.

   29. JRJoe Rogan10:52

       Yeah.

   30. JDJoey Diaz10:52

       Subaru had to compete, everybody had to drop to those tin cans just to compete.
6. 23:10 – 28:30

   From Shelby GT500s to electric Mustangs and Tesla’s market dominance

   1. JVJamie Vernon23:10

      Which one were they making for that movie that just came out?

   2. JRJoe Rogan23:13

      That was the-

   3. JVJamie Vernon23:13

      I didn't see it, the Ford versus Ferrari.

   4. JRJoe Rogan23:15

      Oh.

   5. JVJamie Vernon23:15

      For the Le Mans.

   6. JRJoe Rogan23:16

      I don't know.

   7. JVJamie Vernon23:16

      Anybody know what it was for?

   8. JRJoe Rogan23:17

      Uh, I think... Was that about race cars? I didn't see that movie.

   9. JVJamie Vernon23:19

      Yeah, it was about... It was Shelby. It was him making that car, I think, like they had-

   10. JRJoe Rogan23:23

       Oh, really?

   11. JVJamie Vernon23:23

       ... two weeks to make it or two days. I don't fucking know. I didn't see the movie.

   12. JRJoe Rogan23:26

       Well, probably for the movie they juiced that up, right? I don't know. The, I told... I thought they were race cars though, I didn't think they were like these kind of cars. This is like a GT car.

   13. JVJamie Vernon23:34

       Ah, okay.

   14. JRJoe Rogan23:35

       I don't know.

   15. JVJamie Vernon23:36

       I didn't see it. Oh yeah, I guess this is the GT500 maybe, that's what that was for.

   16. JRJoe Rogan23:39

       Yeah, I think it's not even the GT500, I think it's the GT40, which is their race car.

   17. JVJamie Vernon23:43

       Let me see. Let me see. Let me see. Let me see. Let me see. Let me see. Let me see. Let me see. Let me see.

   18. JRJoe Rogan23:44

       'Cause it's, I'm pretty sure I saw in the... I didn't see the movie.

   19. JVJamie Vernon23:46

       Yeah, I thought you would've known. I thought you might've saw it.

   20. JRJoe Rogan23:48

       I think it's a different GT. I think it's their actual race car, race car. But, uh, the new one, this, f- Shelby has a new GT500, it's a r- ridiculous car. It's faster around tracks than the new Corvette. They have a new Corvette, this, uh, crazy rear engine, uh, mid-engined rather Corvette. It's their newest Corvette. It's the best Corvette ever, and this GT500's even faster than that. It's bonkers.

   21. JVJamie Vernon24:12

       Right. Yeah, GT40.

   22. JRJoe Rogan24:13

       Yeah, it's a different kind of car.

   23. JVJamie Vernon24:15

       66.

   24. JRJoe Rogan24:15

       That's a car that's only for the racetrack. The- these guys are, the- these, you'll be... You could buy a Shelby GT500 today. You walk out of a dealer showroom, "Hi." "Hi, do you know how to drive?" "Yes, sir. Here's my license." Like, you don't have to hardly know shit, and they'll let you just drive home in one of the most preposterous automobiles ever offered to man. You know, this is getting ready (laughs) to afford dealership. And if you have the, I'm gonna say a Shelby GT500 s-... a $80,000? How much does that cost? A brand new Shelby GT500?

   25. JDJoey Diaz24:49

       Wait, I gotta go pee real quick.

   26. JRJoe Rogan24:50

       You gotta pee? Already?

   27. JDJoey Diaz24:51

       I'll have it driving for you.

   28. JRJoe Rogan24:51

       What happened?

   29. JDJoey Diaz24:53

       Okay. I'm getting old.

   30. JRJoe Rogan24:57

       (laughs)
7. 28:30 – 32:41

   Leasing debates, Cadillac lust, and iconic cars from TV history

   1. JDJoey Diaz28:30

      So I was blown away, even by the Honda Accord Hybrid, you know, the... What we're playing, paying for gas. I mean, it's just a great little car. I'm looking at a couple-

   2. JRJoe Rogan28:39

      Yeah.

   3. JDJoey Diaz28:39

      ... different options. I was in Huntington Beach, I just got-

   4. JRJoe Rogan28:41

      You're thinking about going away from Subaru?

   5. JDJoey Diaz28:43

      Adding something to my collection.

   6. JRJoe Rogan28:46

      Collection?

   7. JDJoey Diaz28:46

      Just because-

   8. JRJoe Rogan28:48

      You need to get a Caddy.

   9. JDJoey Diaz28:48

      You know, I gotta fucking-

   10. JVJamie Vernon28:49

       (laughs)

   11. JRJoe Rogan28:49

       I've always said you need a Cadillac. You should've had a Cadillac-

   12. JDJoey Diaz28:52

       That, that new Cadillac-

   13. JRJoe Rogan28:52

       ... a long time ago.

   14. JDJoey Diaz28:52

       ... is a badass motherfucker.

   15. JRJoe Rogan28:53

       You should be a Cadillac man. (laughs)

   16. JDJoey Diaz28:54

       That, that, that dude gave me a ride. Last week I was in Huntington Beach and I took a special Uber, an Uber special.

   17. JRJoe Rogan29:01

       Yeah.

   18. JDJoey Diaz29:01

       And it was that Cadillac and he told me exactly how he got it, what the scam is with them, how to do it. He has, he hasn't had a problem. The battery died, and that's the, that's their main knock.

   19. JRJoe Rogan29:14

       The battery's died?

   20. JDJoey Diaz29:15

       That one day you wake up, "I gotta go to the commies." "Oh, my battery's dead." I'll fucking choke you, Joe Rogan.

   21. JVJamie Vernon29:20

       (laughs)

   22. JRJoe Rogan29:20

       (laughs)

   23. JDJoey Diaz29:20

       You know, I'll choke you. When I get in my Subaru, the battery's never dead.

   24. JRJoe Rogan29:23

       I wonder if they're more reliable now. I don't know anything about them. I've never owned one, but I've rented a ton of them.

   25. JDJoey Diaz29:29

       Fucking gorgeous.

   26. JRJoe Rogan29:29

       That's a beautiful car.

   27. JDJoey Diaz29:30

       Gorgeous. And when you sit in it, you're tight.

   28. JRJoe Rogan29:31

       What model is that?

   29. JVJamie Vernon29:33

       CTS.

   30. JRJoe Rogan29:34

       That's the CTS?
8. 32:41 – 39:59

   Bruce Lee on TV: cultural impact, bad old fight scenes, and martial-arts nostalgia

   1. JRJoe Rogan32:41

      People don't understand. We're a little too young for it, but people don't understand what an impact Bruce Lee had when he was doing The Green Hornet. When people saw him do martial arts moves the way he did on screen, like people wanted to... I mean, you have to think about how many people would watch a TV show back then. Like, if you had a TV show, there's only like three different things to watch, right? Like, if you had a TV show, you had the entire country watching one of three things. And if you had a big show like The Green Hornet was...

   2. JDJoey Diaz33:11

      The Green Hornet ain't on Sunday nights. So it was, it was like stealing.

   3. JRJoe Rogan33:15

      Yeah, everyone's home.

   4. JDJoey Diaz33:16

      You had, you had, uh, you either had Lawrence Welk on fucking channel seven on ABC. Look at these thing, look, 1968.

   5. JRJoe Rogan33:24

      Look at that.

   6. JDJoey Diaz33:24

      You didn't see this.

   7. JRJoe Rogan33:25

      Look at that guy drop.

   8. JDJoey Diaz33:26

      And he just traumatized NBC, NBC was traumatized. They only did six episodes.

   9. JRJoe Rogan33:31

      (laughs) Look how bad their-

   10. JDJoey Diaz33:33

       Yeah.

   11. JRJoe Rogan33:33

       ... fucking f- fight scenes are. (laughs) These, look at these white guys faking punches. Oh my God. It's hilarious to see like old school, bad TV, like fight acting. Like when you know the punch didn't hit him and the hair goes flying. (laughs) It's so weird. Especially because we- we're not playing any of the volume, so we're just watching it. So when you're watching with no volume, you get to really see how preposterous it is.

   12. JDJoey Diaz33:59

       How many, how many sh- TV shows did that guy do? That Spa-

   13. JRJoe Rogan34:03

       Bruce Lee?

   14. JDJoey Diaz34:03

       No, that Spanish dude did about 1,000 episodes of different TV shows from the late '60s all through the '70s.

   15. JRJoe Rogan34:11

       Who is he?

   16. JDJoey Diaz34:12

       I don't, I don't know what his name is.

   17. JRJoe Rogan34:13

       He's the guy that was starring... Right there, right there? That guy?

   18. JDJoey Diaz34:16

       Yeah, that guy, like that guy was like-

   19. JRJoe Rogan34:17

       I don't, who the fuck that guy is.

   20. JDJoey Diaz34:18

       You know, character actors were like fucking so huge back then. But them... Bruce Lee came on Sunday nights. I still remember driving back from Miami with my family and like being pissed because I missed Bruce Lee. Then they canceled it. You didn't see nothing about Bruce Lee again, bro. He-

   21. JRJoe Rogan34:36

       How long was it between then and the big movies?

   22. JDJoey Diaz34:39

       It was about a year and a half that kung fu movies were mainstream. Uh, Five Fingers of Death came out. Uh, no, the... Yeah, Five Fingers of Death, it was all about the iron palm technique. The guy would, uh, look at you and his palm would turn pink. (singing)

   23. JRJoe Rogan34:55

       (laughs)

   24. JDJoey Diaz34:59

       And that started with that. And then Fist of Fury came out, but I'm not gonna lie to you and tell you I went to see Fist of Fury in the movie theater. I don't remember. When Chinese Connection came out, that's what changed the ballgame. But see, it pisses me off today, you know, when I see fucking people 20 years old talking about the impact of Bruce Lee or whatever. First off, let's get this straight. Bruce Lee was a tough guy, but he wasn't gonna beat Muhammad Ali.

   25. JRJoe Rogan35:26

       That was so silly.

   26. JDJoey Diaz35:27

       Okay, he wasn't gonna beat Muhammad Ali. He was, you know, whatever. Uh, Bruce Lee, Bruce Lee meant that the little guy had hope. Bruce Lee gave the immigrant hope. You know, that's what all these guys-

   27. JRJoe Rogan35:38

       Yeah.

   28. JDJoey Diaz35:38

       ... "Oh, well, Bruce Lee fucking..." It changed everybody. He put a little bounce in the step, you know?

   29. JRJoe Rogan35:43

       He changed martial arts.

   30. JDJoey Diaz35:44

       He, he changed martial arts, but he gave you hope. The movie theaters were packed. Martial arts schools were packed. Black people were going crazy because nobody sucked it anymore. Did you see Dolemite yet?
9. 39:59 – 45:56

   Movies, comics as ‘weapons,’ and the anxiety ride of Uncut Gems

   1. JDJoey Diaz39:59

      So if something comes to me, you tighten it up, and then you got the whole night that night in your hotel room. But no, I liked The Irishman.

   2. JRJoe Rogan40:05

      Do you write on your iPad?

   3. JDJoey Diaz40:07

      Yeah, lately, I've been... I still, I got a notebook-

   4. JRJoe Rogan40:09

      Do you write on, uh, on the screen or do you have one of those detachable keyboards?

   5. JDJoey Diaz40:11

      I have the keyboard with the screen and I just type like I'm usually... So that's where I put the final product now. So now it's, I have a notebook still where I fuck around, put different stupid ideas. And then once the joke works, I put it on the iPad now, and now I can add tags to it.

   6. JRJoe Rogan40:28

      Oh.

   7. JDJoey Diaz40:29

      It's not like I used to before, so now I have-

   8. JRJoe Rogan40:32

      But you're just typing on the iPad screen, just like a phone, right? Like, you ne-... You don't have a, a keyboard that you attach-

   9. JDJoey Diaz40:36

      No, I have a keyboard.

   10. JRJoe Rogan40:37

       ... to it? Oh, you have a s- separate key-

   11. JDJoey Diaz40:39

       It closes, yeah.

   12. JRJoe Rogan40:39

       Oh, okay.

   13. JDJoey Diaz40:39

       So I have the Apple one-

   14. JRJoe Rogan40:40

       Okay.

   15. JDJoey Diaz40:40

       ... with the big screen.

   16. JRJoe Rogan40:41

       Yes. Okay, cool.

   17. JDJoey Diaz40:42

       It saved my life.

   18. JRJoe Rogan40:43

       Cool.

   19. JDJoey Diaz40:43

       The best thing that ever happened.

   20. JRJoe Rogan40:44

       Yeah. When you do that-

   21. JDJoey Diaz40:44

       No Twitter.

   22. JRJoe Rogan40:45

       ... it's basically like a little laptop.

   23. JDJoey Diaz40:46

       Listen to me. No Twitter, no Facebook, no nothing.

   24. JRJoe Rogan40:51

       Mm-hmm.

   25. JDJoey Diaz40:52

       I got YouTube, Netflix, Hulu, and that writing app.

   26. JRJoe Rogan40:56

       Mm-hmm.

   27. JDJoey Diaz40:57

       That's it. That's in my room. That's in the hotel room.

   28. JRJoe Rogan40:59

       That's good for your head, right?

   29. JDJoey Diaz41:00

       Friday night, nobody fucking... You, you... If you Facebook me on Friday night and I'm on the road, you gotta suck my dick.

   30. JRJoe Rogan41:06

       (laughs)
10. 45:56 – 1:05:29

    Writing on the road: iPad workflow, avoiding social media, and fitness routines

    1. JDJoey Diaz45:56

       I mean, I'm not, I'm not... I thi- I, m- for me as a, where we're at now, I want to give them 150% every show. Last night I went to The Comedy Store and I got two dick suckings right out of the way. I mean, I sucked a bag of dick in the main room, and then I took that same energy into the original room and sucked another bag of dicks.

    2. JRJoe Rogan46:17

       (laughs)

    3. JDJoey Diaz46:17

       But I wanted to try new material. See, I was failing in the past. I was going to all these other clubs and going, "Let me not, let me not try shit at The Comedy Store." Listen, you bring everything to the chapel at The Comedy Store and let the pieces fall where they may. It's 15 to get in. You do know that?

    4. JRJoe Rogan46:32

       Yeah.

    5. JDJoey Diaz46:32

       And they're gonna see 22 comics and so-

    6. JRJoe Rogan46:34

       And they're gonna see 22 comics that headline all over the world.

    7. JDJoey Diaz46:37

       Yeah. So suck my dick. I'm gonna go up there and give you 150%, but I'm gonna go up there and try new shit. Last night I was talking about that we've all as men at one time or another me too'd somebody. That's how you learn not to be a me tooer, is by me twoing somebody one time, and then you go, "That wasn't right, and then I'll never me too again." For me, I was v-

    8. JRJoe Rogan46:58

       It's a weird adjective.

    9. JDJoey Diaz46:59

       Oh, and I started out with it. I opened up with it to really put myself in the fucking hole of debt. I might as well go out there with a Clint Cooper.

    10. JRJoe Rogan47:06

        Is, is that, is that an adverb? What is that?

    11. JDJoey Diaz47:07

        Me twoing?

    12. JRJoe Rogan47:09

        Is it a verb?

    13. NANarrator47:10

        Yeah, that's a verb.

    14. JRJoe Rogan47:11

        If you me too somebody?

    15. JVJamie Vernon47:11

        Has to be an adverb, yeah. It's like a...

    16. JRJoe Rogan47:13

        Yeah.

    17. JDJoey Diaz47:14

        The only way you learned (laughs) how to me-

    18. JRJoe Rogan47:16

        (laughs)

    19. JDJoey Diaz47:16

        The only way you learn how to not be m- a me tooer is by me twoing. You shoplifted candy when you were a kid, right?

    20. JRJoe Rogan47:22

        Yeah.

    21. JDJoey Diaz47:22

        And your mother told you, smacked you, and she goes, "That's not right." Same thing with me tooing. This LA is a fucking ... Uh, me too was invented here. They fucked Marilyn Mar- Monroe to death.

    22. JRJoe Rogan47:33

        Yeah.

    23. JDJoey Diaz47:34

        They fucked her to death. Her vaginal thing looked like fucking, that fucking embassy in Tehran, whatever they bombed.

    24. JRJoe Rogan47:39

        What was that famous Fatty Arbuckle case where there was a-

    25. JDJoey Diaz47:43

        Th- This is, this is just disgusting people out here.

    26. JRJoe Rogan47:45

        Yeah.

    27. JDJoey Diaz47:45

        This is w- w- you know, b- between the Bikram documentary, did you see that one?

    28. JRJoe Rogan47:49

        I didn't see that yet.

    29. JDJoey Diaz47:50

        That filthy fucking animal getting women to suck that fucking s- 90-degree weather, six yoga session dick.

    30. JRJoe Rogan47:58

        (laughs)
11. 1:05:29 – 1:15:42

    Comedy Store risk-taking, a provocative ‘Me Too’ bit, and LA’s exploitation history

    1. JRJoe Rogan1:05:29

       Well, what about Ace Ventura Pet Detective? It was all about a guy who's trans. A guy who was preten- he was cross-dressing, at the very least, like, pretending to be a girl, but it turns out to be a guy the whole time. And everyone's disgusted because they k- they, they had kissed him thinking it was a girl, so everyone's throwing up and... Like, you would never be able to do that today. It would be transphobic. People would freak out. Do you remember that?

    2. JDJoey Diaz1:05:57

       No.

    3. JRJoe Rogan1:05:58

       There's that pretty lady who was in a bunch of movies back then, but then just, like, went off the rails. Sean Young. Do you remember her? She was in Blade Runner. She was the beautiful young robot in Blade Runner. She was in a bunch of movies, man, but then she just went off the rails. She, she's one of those Jan-Michael Vincent-type characters for a bit, I think, where just the pressure of it all was just too much. So this is the scene at the end of it. Is that Courtney Cox with the gun?

    4. JDJoey Diaz1:06:27

       Yeah.

    5. JRJoe Rogan1:06:28

       Yeah.

    6. JVJamie Vernon1:06:28

       (laughs)

    7. JRJoe Rogan1:06:28

       And there's Sean Young. That's that lady. And so we find out in this scene that he's really... Or she's really a guy. Or... I don't get it. Or she's... How do you say it today? (laughs)

    8. JVJamie Vernon1:06:42

       She's trans people.

    9. JRJoe Rogan1:06:44

       Back then you'd say, "It's a guy pretending to be a girl," but you don't say that anymore. Now, now you say what? She's trans. So, but we're supposed to believe that she's got a giant hog under there? Where's the scene? Is this taken from-

    10. JVJamie Vernon1:06:56

        Well, yeah, he's gotta lead up to it. He's explaining everything to them.

    11. JRJoe Rogan1:07:00

        Yeah. So he tells them all that that's a guy, so this is, like, some bad guy that they've been looking for.

    12. JVJamie Vernon1:07:05

        He's the famous kicker for the Miami Dolphins.

    13. JRJoe Rogan1:07:06

        That's right. That's right.

    14. JVJamie Vernon1:07:07

        Greg Frenkel.

    15. JRJoe Rogan1:07:08

        Oh, that's right. That's right.

    16. JVJamie Vernon1:07:09

        Lays this out.

    17. JRJoe Rogan1:07:09

        That's right. That's right. And he's angry because he fucked up that one game.

    18. JVJamie Vernon1:07:14

        Yeah, all these, all these cops know about this one game.

    19. JRJoe Rogan1:07:19

        Yeah.

    20. JVJamie Vernon1:07:20

        Uh, boom. There's the part. So she's supposed to have it tucked in right there.

    21. JRJoe Rogan1:07:26

        Right.

    22. JVJamie Vernon1:07:26

        Or something. And they all flip around.

    23. JRJoe Rogan1:07:28

        And Tone Lokes in there too?

    24. JVJamie Vernon1:07:29

        There's Captain Winky.

    25. JRJoe Rogan1:07:30

        No, he's gonna... He's gonna turn her around so everybody can see that she's got a hog. Turn her around.

    26. JVJamie Vernon1:07:37

        Would you excuse me for just one second? I don't want this guy putting heat on me.

    27. JDJoey Diaz1:07:43

        ... really turning it out here.

    28. JRJoe Rogan1:07:43

        What happens here? Yeah, 'cause it's the big reveal. There it is.

    29. JDJoey Diaz1:07:46

        There it is.

    30. JVJamie Vernon1:07:47

        Looks like it could be making people-

Episode duration: 3:05:27