The Joe Rogan ExperienceJoe Rogan Experience #1712 - Bert Kreischer Part 1
CHAPTERS
- 0:00 – 1:36
Reuniting post-quarantine: specials, podcasts, and pandemic timing
Joe and Bert catch up after months apart and joke about how quarantine changed everything. Bert explains how the stay-at-home orders accidentally became perfect marketing for his special and why podcasting felt "essential" for sanity.
- •Last in-person catch-up was pre-/early-quarantine
- •Stay-at-home orders boosting stand-up special viewership
- •Podcasts as a lifeline during isolation
- •Two Bears, One Cave doubling output during COVID
- 1:36 – 6:29
Bert’s drive-in comedy tour: the idea, execution, and why it worked
Joe credits Bert as an early innovator of drive-in comedy shows, while Bert walks through how the concept became a full-scale tour. They discuss logistics, audience experience, and how gratitude replaced the usual complaints.
- •Origin story: calling venues and turning drive-ins into comedy stages
- •Hotbox production logistics and costs (bus, stage, crew)
- •First show in a North Carolina rock quarry; rapid pacing and adjustments
- •Scaling to dozens of cities and thousands of cars
- •Why audiences were unusually appreciative during the pandemic
- 6:29 – 9:17
‘Damn the Torpedoes’ award, a tech hiccup, and Bert’s Winston Churchill obsession
A brief audio issue interrupts the flow, then Bert dives into the story behind his Variety recognition and his admiration for Winston Churchill’s famously boozy routine. The segment becomes a comedic riff on historical quotes, alcohol, and celebration rituals.
- •Variety’s ‘Damn the Torpedoes’ award framing risk-taking
- •Audio cutting out and quick studio fix
- •Churchill’s daily scotch/cigar and champagne-at-lunch legend
- •Bert’s ‘Winston Churchill Day’ tradition with his wife’s themed gifts
- •Correcting the quote’s real origin (Farragut) and what it means
- 9:17 – 13:39
Tour-bus BBQ culture: Dave Williamson, smokers, and traveling like kings
Bert explains how barbecue became the center of the drive-in tour’s culture, led by comic Dave Williamson. Joe and Bert nerd out on the gear, the food, and how this ‘summer bubble’ lifestyle fit Bert perfectly.
- •Dave Williamson’s BBQ expertise and ‘Meat Dave’ podcast
- •Neighborhood BBQ order-drop system during lockdowns
- •REC TEC travel smoker setup on the bus (pellet grill)
- •Touring perks: local pitmasters delivering trays to the crew
- •Party stories and touring camaraderie
- 13:39 – 17:36
Two Bears Live goes off the rails: dominatrix visit and the ‘tether’ story
Bert recounts a notorious Two Bears Live episode where he and Tom Segura visit a dominatrix. The story escalates into shock devices, awkward boundaries, and a punchline photo moment with a fan-domme.
- •Bert as the eager instigator; Tom as the hesitant counterpart
- •TENS-style shocks and the comedy of committing to the bit
- •The dominatrix ‘offer’ and their confused follow-up questions
- •A second dominatrix recognizes Tom and demands a humiliating pose
- •How absurdity becomes content for live podcast events
- 17:36 – 24:22
Austin vs. LA: population anxiety, ‘escape plans,’ and being prepared
Joe contrasts the calm of Texas with the stress and traffic of Los Angeles, arguing big cities generate ambient anxiety. The conversation shifts into preparedness—vehicles, resources, and why being ready doesn’t mean being unkind.
- •Joe’s take: LA feels like a pressure cooker; Austin feels lighter
- •Pandemic validation of ‘get out’ planning and self-reliance
- •Resources: water, food supply chains, and why dense cities are vulnerable
- •Bert’s guns and training at Taran Tactical
- •Joe’s ‘tribe’ philosophy: community beats hoarding in crises
- 24:22 – 30:41
Pandemic social conflict: masking incidents, mental health, and ‘new normal’ fears
Bert tells a story about being filmed outdoors without a mask and snapping back, linking it to the psychological toll of prolonged restrictions. Joe argues the stressors aren’t ending soon and discusses confusion around boosters, variants, and inconsistent guidance.
- •Bert’s outdoor-walk confrontation and public shaming dynamics
- •Therapy and the destabilizing effect of returning to crowds
- •Joe’s skepticism that the pandemic-era stress is ‘over’
- •FDA booster controversy and resignations (as discussed in-show)
- •Kids’ schooling disruptions and developmental concerns
- 30:41 – 35:58
Parenting chaos: Segura kids, toilet water, and accidental bad influence
Bert shares stories from staying with Tom and Christina—kids behaving like pranksters raised by elite comics. Toilet-water ‘hospitality’ and garbage-disposal ‘dog’ mythology become examples of how parenting and comedy collide.
- •Ellis offering Bert water sourced from the toilet
- •Kids absorbing (and weaponizing) adult humor and mischief
- •Bert’s ‘dog under the sink’ prank and Christina’s safety alarm
- •Joe’s framing: their kids as a ‘science project’ of comedic parents
- •How close friendships shift after moves but bonds remain strong
- 35:58 – 39:51
Injuries and training: Tom’s accident, Bert’s tricep tear, and drunk bench-press lore
Joe and Bert discuss Tom Segura’s serious injury and the shock/trauma around it, then segue into Bert’s own tricep surgery. They reminisce about the infamous drunken bench-press session and debate why benching wrecks shoulders compared to kettlebells.
- •Tom’s injury aftermath and questions about decision-making under trauma
- •Bert’s tricep tear details and surgery comparison
- •Drunk bench-press contest and Joe’s surprising rep count
- •Joe’s claim: bench press is a common shoulder-injury culprit
- •Joe’s kettlebell-only training approach
- 39:51 – 46:58
Mental toughness idols: Goggins clips, Jocko leadership, and ‘fuel’ from discipline
They watch and react to David Goggins pushing reps while yelling catchphrases, then broaden to Jocko Willink and other ‘hard’ personalities Bert admires. The point becomes how celebrating intense people can motivate you even if you’re not built like them.
- •Playing the Goggins workout clip and decoding the mindset
- •Bert using ‘carry the boats’ as internal motivation on runs
- •Joe’s defense of Jocko as nonjudgmental, leadership-focused
- •Bert’s fandom for fighters and endurance icons despite not sharing their lifestyle
- •Discipline as contagious inspiration rather than moral superiority
- 46:58 – 1:14:57
Comedy careers and ‘paths’: early JRE days, The Machine story, and leaving Travel Channel
Bert reflects on how early podcast appearances and Joe’s insistence turned The Machine story into a defining brand—eventually a movie. They discuss career ‘paths,’ bitterness in the old comedy ecosystem, and how podcasting created a more collaborative scene.
- •Bert’s first JRE appearance (episode 73) and the ‘snowflake’ era
- •Joe pushing Bert to make The Machine a stage story and chant
- •From podcast bit to major motion picture in Serbia
- •Joe’s ‘Rodney Dangerfield’ ethos: boosting comics vs competing for slots
- •Travel Channel restrictions (weed, content) and getting ‘fired’ as freedom
- 1:14:57 – 1:50:32
Fight fandom deep dive: Ortega vs. Volkanovski, Diaz return, and bar-fight realities
Joe breaks down high-level jiu-jitsu fundamentals through Ortega’s title fight and the improbability of Volkanovski escaping submissions. The talk expands into Diaz/Lawler context, fighter longevity, and why sucker punches and bar fights can go catastrophically wrong.
- •Why Ortega’s ‘fundamental’ jiu-jitsu is razor-sharp
- •Volkanovski escaping a deep guillotine/triangle: ‘should be checkmate’
- •Nick Diaz’s return timeline and conditioning considerations
- •Joe Schilling bar KO clip and reaction-time vs action-time lesson
- •How fighters age: competition improves while bodies accumulate damage
- 1:50:32 – 2:02:09
Rogan’s COVID controversy and ‘protocol’ talk: ivermectin, antibodies, and media framing
They address the public backlash over Joe’s COVID treatment and the ‘horse de-wormer’ narrative. Joe emphasizes uncertainty, cites lab/in-vitro discussion, and argues the bigger story was rapid recovery via a multi-part protocol (including monoclonal antibodies).
- •Joe’s framing: open conversation vs ‘expert’ expectations
- •In-vitro ivermectin discussion and the limits of lab findings
- •Monoclonal antibodies as a major factor in recovery (per Joe)
- •Bert’s doctor advice: having a protocol matters amid confusion
- •Early-pandemic ventilator mistakes and shifting guidance
- 2:02:09 – 2:43:19
From syphilis to hangover science: big wigs, ‘the clap,’ IV drips, cold exposure, and music riffs
The conversation veers into historical STDs, gonorrhea etymology, and then into modern wellness hacks like glutathione, NAC, IV vitamin drips, cryotherapy, and ice baths. They end by geeking out over music—Queen, Bob Seger—and the idea of Joey Diaz as a Spotify DJ.
- •Syphilis history, ‘big wig’ origin story, and unsettling imagery
- •Bert’s gonorrhea (‘the clap’) story and why it’s called that
- •IV drips on the road (glutathione, vitamin C, NAD/NAC talk)
- •Ice baths, box breathing, and cautions about hypothermia
- •Playing ‘Dragon Attack’ and ‘Ramblin’ Gamblin’ Man’; Joey Diaz DJ concept
