Joe Rogan Experience #1764 - Ari Shaffir, Shane Gillis & Mark Normand

Shane Gillis, Mark Normand, and Ari Shaffir are standup comedians, writers, and podcasters. Mark is the co-host of "Tuesdays with Stories" along with Joe List. His latest special, "Mark Normand: Out to Lunch," is available via YouTube. Ari is the host of "The Skeptic Tank." His most recent special, "Ari Shaffir: Double Negative," is available via Netflix. Shane is the co-host of "Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast" with Matt McCusker. His special "Shane Gillis: Live in Austin," is available via YouTube.

Joe RoganhostAri ShaffirguestMark NormandguestShane Gillisguest

Jun 27, 20243h 36mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

150 min read · 30,002 words

0:00 – 15:00
(drum roll) Joe Rogan podcast,…
1. NANarrator
  (drum roll) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.
2. The Joe Rogan Experience. (energetic music)
3. JRJoe Rogan
  Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. Hey, we're up and running. To the cuddle party.
4. ASAri Shaffir
  Cheese. All right.
5. MNMark Normand
  High five. High five.
6. ASAri Shaffir
  Hey, hey, comedy.
7. JRJoe Rogan
  (Uh) There we go, Gil.
8. MNMark Normand
  Yes, yes.
9. JRJoe Rogan
  So what are we calling this? Are we calling this Protect Our Parks?
10. ASAri Shaffir
  No.
11. MNMark Normand
  I think it's Protect Our Parks.
12. ASAri Shaffir
  We need a better name.
13. MNMark Normand
  We didn't do a good job protecting the last one.
14. JRJoe Rogan
  What happened to the park?
15. MNMark Normand
  (laughs) It's gone. (laughs)
16. JRJoe Rogan
  Since the podcast.
17. MNMark Normand
  It's 50 acres just a dirt pile now.
18. ASAri Shaffir
  Good. That is so crazy that they allowed them to do that, that they just do it ... they just totally did that. You know nobody in the city voted for that.
19. MNMark Normand
  Not a single person.
20. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
21. MNMark Normand
  (laughs) I mean, yeah.
22. JRJoe Rogan
  Fucking evil, man. It's evil.
23. MNMark Normand
  There's definitely gonna be a, a prison in there or high rises in no time.
24. JRJoe Rogan
  What is the general consensus about the new mayor of New York?
25. ASAri Shaffir
  Oh, it's bad already.
26. MNMark Normand
  Saw people get mad at him for-
27. JRJoe Rogan
  Really?
28. ASAri Shaffir
  I think he seems nice.
29. MNMark Normand
  I saw people get mad at him for he says, "We had to protect the low-wage employees." 'Cause he's like, "The people at Dunkin' Donuts," and (laughs) he goes, "They're not educated. They're not smart enough to be in a corner office." And everyone's like, "What?"
30. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh, Jesus. (laughs)
15:00 – 30:00
That's what got in…
1. JRJoe Rogan
  by gay love.
2. MNMark Normand
  That's what got in Crenshaw's eye.
3. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah, yeah. (laughs)
4. JRJoe Rogan
  No, that's not true.
5. MNMark Normand
  That's not true.
6. SGShane Gillis
  It was in Afghanistan. (laughs)
7. JRJoe Rogan
  Heartless. You just jerk off out there.
8. SGShane Gillis
  (laughs)
9. MNMark Normand
  Heartless and inaccurate.
10. SGShane Gillis
  No, he... It happened in Afghanistan, but it wasn't jizz in the eye.
11. That's a good name. It could be, it could be Al Gida.
12. MNMark Normand
  Al Gida's not bad. Or Al Gaida.
13. SGShane Gillis
  Al Gaida.
14. That would be quickly turned into Al Qaeda.
15. Well, that was the point, yeah.
16. Yeah, I like it.
17. MNMark Normand
  Mm.
18. SGShane Gillis
  Al Gaida?
19. (laughs)
20. MNMark Normand
  I like Al Gaida.
21. SGShane Gillis
  I like Al Gaida.
22. MNMark Normand
  See you later, Al Gaida.
23. SGShane Gillis
  (laughs)
24. MNMark Normand
  Too much fun already.
25. SGShane Gillis
  So wait, so Al Gaida came in Crenshaw's eye?
26. MNMark Normand
  No, no. He came in his own eye, I'm saying.
27. SGShane Gillis
  No.
28. MNMark Normand
  If he was in the huts, you'd get bored.
29. SGShane Gillis
  I heard that. I read that. I read that in Jezebel.
30. (laughs)
30:00 – 45:00
Mm-hmm. …
1. JRJoe Rogan
  gets smooshed.
2. MNMark Normand
  Mm-hmm.
3. JRJoe Rogan
  But it ...
4. MNMark Normand
  Can you still suck it?
5. JRJoe Rogan
  That was my response. That's how dumb I am. I, my response was to see if I could jerk off.
6. MNMark Normand
  Well, it kinda worked.
7. JRJoe Rogan
  It works. It works.
8. MNMark Normand
  Yeah, you got it out.
9. JRJoe Rogan
  Once it works.
10. NANarrator
  I, I, I did the same with the slice stone.
11. JRJoe Rogan
  Did you?
12. NANarrator
  Whacked it off the stick. I was like, "Now what? Now I'll whack off?"
13. MNMark Normand
  You just, you just jerk off around it, you know? You just hit the tip.
14. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah. Yeah. Don't mess with the hammer.
15. MNMark Normand
  That's what I did with my jockstrap, you know?
16. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
17. MNMark Normand
  You still, you still gotta whack.
18. JRJoe Rogan
  Did you have to, when you got it stitched up, di- did you have to like, wear anything there, like a diaper or some kind of-
19. MNMark Normand
  I had to wear ... Uh, well, first of all, he stuck a needle in my sack to novocaine. That was a nightmare.
20. JRJoe Rogan
  Ooh.
21. NANarrator
  Ugh.
22. MNMark Normand
  Seeing a giant needle go in your sack is, is pretty eye-opening. And then I watched him stitch it, we're talking about, you know-
23. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh, God.
24. MNMark Normand
  ... "Hey, how about those tigers?"
25. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
26. MNMark Normand
  (laughs)
27. NANarrator
  (laughs)
28. MNMark Normand
  And then I had to wear a jockstrap for a month and then go get them taken out.
29. JRJoe Rogan
  Wow.
30. MNMark Normand
  Brutal.
45:00 – 56:18
Jesus. Jesus Christ. …
1. JRJoe Rogan
  chains so they worked out, and they walked around with these heavy chains on. And he would have 'em on dog treadmills. They have dog treadmills for pit bulls.
2. MNMark Normand
  Jesus. Jesus Christ.
3. JRJoe Rogan
  So they get 'em in shape.
4. SGShane Gillis
  They call you up.
5. JRJoe Rogan
  And then they have, uh-
6. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah.
7. JRJoe Rogan
  ... they name the dog after the bloodline. So, it's a champion's bloodline. So, if there's this one dog that was killing-
8. MNMark Normand
  (laughs)
9. SGShane Gillis
  It sounds awesome, by the way.
10. JRJoe Rogan
  ... killing all these other dogs, they would name him. So it's like, you know, if you had a name, like if you, if you were Bucky-
11. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah.
12. JRJoe Rogan
  ... uh, you know, it'd be, like, Bucky's son or, you know, s- grandson of grand champion this. And they have this, like, w- sort of underground community. And when Michael Vick got busted, it sort of exposed that-
13. MNMark Normand
  Oh.
14. JRJoe Rogan
  ... to a lot of people that-
15. MNMark Normand
  Aha.
16. JRJoe Rogan
  ... you know, especially a lot of people that are urban folks that don't know anybody who would-
17. MNMark Normand
  Hmm.
18. JRJoe Rogan
  ... even be involved in dog fighting or anything.
19. SGShane Gillis
  That can be the name of our group, Urban Folks. (laughs)
20. JRJoe Rogan
  Urban Folks. (laughs)
21. MNMark Normand
  Urban Folks.
22. SGShane Gillis
  I like that. I like that. (laughs)
23. JRJoe Rogan
  If you're living in a big city, you probably don't get to see-
24. SGShane Gillis
  Urban Folks. (laughs)
25. JRJoe Rogan
  ... too many dog fights. But if you're in rural parts of the South, it's-
26. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah.
27. JRJoe Rogan
  ... it's a big money thing. It's like, uh, I had a, uh, gardener who was into chicken fighting.
28. SGShane Gillis
  I wanna talk about this.
29. JRJoe Rogan
  He would fight, yeah, he'd fight roosters. And-
30. MNMark Normand
  I went to one of those.

Episode duration: 3:36:04

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(drum roll) Joe Rogan podcast,…

That's what got in…

Mm-hmm. …

Jesus. Jesus Christ. …

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