Joe Rogan Experience #1764 - Ari Shaffir, Shane Gillis & Mark Normand

Shane Gillis, Mark Normand, and Ari Shaffir are standup comedians, writers, and podcasters. Mark is the co-host of "Tuesdays with Stories" along with Joe List. His latest special, "Mark Normand: Out to Lunch," is available via YouTube. Ari is the host of "The Skeptic Tank." His most recent special, "Ari Shaffir: Double Negative," is available via Netflix. Shane is the co-host of "Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast" with Matt McCusker. His special "Shane Gillis: Live in Austin," is available via YouTube.

Joe RoganhostAri ShaffirguestMark NormandguestShane Gillisguest

Jun 27, 20243h 36mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

150 min read · 30,002 words

0:00 – 0:06
Intro
1. NANarrator
  (drum roll) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.
2. The Joe Rogan Experience. (energetic music)
0:06 – 2:06
Protect Our Parks chaos: NYC politics, corruption, and the “new mayor” vibe check
1. JRJoe Rogan
  Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. Hey, we're up and running. To the cuddle party.
2. ASAri Shaffir
  Cheese. All right.
3. MNMark Normand
  High five. High five.
4. ASAri Shaffir
  Hey, hey, comedy.
5. JRJoe Rogan
  (Uh) There we go, Gil.
6. MNMark Normand
  Yes, yes.
7. JRJoe Rogan
  So what are we calling this? Are we calling this Protect Our Parks?
8. ASAri Shaffir
  No.
9. MNMark Normand
  I think it's Protect Our Parks.
10. ASAri Shaffir
  We need a better name.
11. MNMark Normand
  We didn't do a good job protecting the last one.
12. JRJoe Rogan
  What happened to the park?
13. MNMark Normand
  (laughs) It's gone. (laughs)
14. JRJoe Rogan
  Since the podcast.
15. MNMark Normand
  It's 50 acres just a dirt pile now.
16. ASAri Shaffir
  Good. That is so crazy that they allowed them to do that, that they just do it ... they just totally did that. You know nobody in the city voted for that.
17. MNMark Normand
  Not a single person.
18. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
19. MNMark Normand
  (laughs) I mean, yeah.
20. JRJoe Rogan
  Fucking evil, man. It's evil.
21. MNMark Normand
  There's definitely gonna be a, a prison in there or high rises in no time.
22. JRJoe Rogan
  What is the general consensus about the new mayor of New York?
23. ASAri Shaffir
  Oh, it's bad already.
24. MNMark Normand
  Saw people get mad at him for-
25. JRJoe Rogan
  Really?
26. ASAri Shaffir
  I think he seems nice.
27. MNMark Normand
  I saw people get mad at him for he says, "We had to protect the low-wage employees." 'Cause he's like, "The people at Dunkin' Donuts," and (laughs) he goes, "They're not educated. They're not smart enough to be in a corner office." And everyone's like, "What?"
28. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh, Jesus. (laughs)
29. ASAri Shaffir
  (laughs)
30. MNMark Normand
  (laughs)
2:06 – 3:17
Jan 6 jokes, FBI non-answers, and the “use Signal” paranoia spiral
1. MNMark Normand
  The one-year anniversary of the greatest upset. (laughs)
2. JRJoe Rogan
  Nice. (laughs)
3. NANarrator
  It was, it was the greatest upset in sports.
4. ASAri Shaffir
  Oh.
5. MNMark Normand
  Nobody saw it coming.
6. ASAri Shaffir
  Ah. Yeah, it was a gift.
7. MNMark Normand
  Just, they just dethroned Buster Douglas-
8. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
9. MNMark Normand
  ... as the greatest upset.
10. NANarrator
  (laughs)
11. ASAri Shaffir
  A couple of them climbed that wall pretty good. I mean, it was impressive.
12. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh, boy.
13. ASAri Shaffir
  They were out of shape.
14. NANarrator
  Those were the feds.
15. MNMark Normand
  Yeah.
16. NANarrator
  Oh.
17. MNMark Normand
  Those were the feds.
18. NANarrator
  The ones that scaled over the fence.
19. JRJoe Rogan
  Did you so- fucking see the, uh, the thing where Ted Cruz is grilling that lady from the FBI? And he asks her the whole, the whole ... runs the gamut of, "Were federal agents involved in any viol-"
20. MNMark Normand
  No, we can't answer that.
21. JRJoe Rogan
  We can't answer that?
22. NANarrator
  We can't answer that.
23. JRJoe Rogan
  "Were federal agents involved in, in, you know, inciting violence or trying to court-"
24. MNMark Normand
  We can't answer that.
25. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah. Never saw it?
26. MNMark Normand
  You should, you should always ans- ask a follow-up question, uh, like, uh, "Is Coke the same as Sprite?" And they'll be like, "No." Like, "Okay, that's your baseline."
27. JRJoe Rogan
  Right. (laughs)
28. ASAri Shaffir
  (laughs)
29. MNMark Normand
  So then, what is, "We can't answer this"?
30. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah, what does that mean? We can't answer this? Oh, God.
3:17 – 4:50
Opting out of the news, MeToo-as-sport riffs, and Sandusky/Penn State dark comedy
1. ASAri Shaffir
  I don't even watch the news. I haven't seen any news stories since Larry Nassar.
2. MNMark Normand
  You don't watch it? It's so smart not to.
3. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
4. MNMark Normand
  Larry Nassar was the great. (laughs)
5. ASAri Shaffir
  I mean, that was the peak. I got out.
6. JRJoe Rogan
  You saw Nassar and you're like, "I'm done. This is good."
7. ASAri Shaffir
  Yeah, I got enough.
8. MNMark Normand
  (laughs)
9. ASAri Shaffir
  Who watches the news? What is ... There's nothing for me there.
10. MNMark Normand
  Somehow it involved Me Too and sports was a good combo.
11. JRJoe Rogan
  True.
12. ASAri Shaffir
  That's true. That should be a sport.
13. MNMark Normand
  Me Too.
14. ASAri Shaffir
  Yeah, the Me Too Olympics.
15. MNMark Normand
  (laughs) Yeah.
16. ASAri Shaffir
  What's it called? Uh.
17. MNMark Normand
  (laughs)
18. ASAri Shaffir
  What's that university? Penn State? (laughs)
19. MNMark Normand
  (laughs)
20. ASAri Shaffir
  They're doing good. Was it Penn State with Sandusky?
21. NANarrator
  Yeah, it's Sandusky.
22. MNMark Normand
  Penn State, yeah.
23. ASAri Shaffir
  That was a-
24. MNMark Normand
  Yeah, they really let that other guy go, huh? The dead one.
25. JRJoe Rogan
  Whop-
26. NANarrator
  Jopa.
27. JRJoe Rogan
  Jopa.
28. MNMark Normand
  Jopa. Yeah.
29. JRJoe Rogan
  They fucking, "You knew something."
30. NANarrator
  He died, like, on the spot. He, he got, like, lung cancer and died, like, right away.
4:50 – 7:16
Trans prisoners, identity loopholes, and Sex and the City’s “nonbinary standup” scene
1. JRJoe Rogan
  Well, they're doing that now with, with male prisoners who are-
2. ASAri Shaffir
  I saw that.
3. JRJoe Rogan
  ... transgender. They're putting them in female prisons. And these ... And a lot of them are, like, guilty of sexual assault, and they're putting them in prison with females who they're raping.
4. MNMark Normand
  And all they gotta do is say, "Hey."
5. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah, identify as a woman.
6. MNMark Normand
  Just say you're checking.
7. ASAri Shaffir
  It's a smart move. I mean, why wouldn't you do that?
8. JRJoe Rogan
  Well, one, one guy did, and then immediately upon release started identifying as a man again.
9. ASAri Shaffir
  Damn.
10. JRJoe Rogan
  Like, literally identify as a woman for one second.
11. NANarrator
  You gotta give that guy some respect.
12. MNMark Normand
  Yeah, respect.
13. JRJoe Rogan
  Well, he gamed the system.
14. NANarrator
  Yeah.
15. JRJoe Rogan
  But the system is really fucking stupid.
16. ASAri Shaffir
  Yikes.
17. JRJoe Rogan
  It's such a dumb ... It's like, what a dumb thing this identity politics has, has given us, this ability for a, a sexual offender to just change their gender by saying, "I identify with a woman." You keep your dick, you don't have to get an operation, you don't have to get hormone treatments.
18. MNMark Normand
  There should be a test. There should be some sort of test, like getting, like get- ... becoming a citizen.
19. JRJoe Rogan
  Should be a test.
20. ASAri Shaffir
  What kind of test?
21. MNMark Normand
  Get to know some stuff about womanhood.
22. ASAri Shaffir
  Some menstruation stuff.
23. JRJoe Rogan
  What kind of test?
24. MNMark Normand
  Yeah.
25. ASAri Shaffir
  Golden Girls.
26. NANarrator
  Name a purse. Name three purses.
27. MNMark Normand
  (laughs)
28. ASAri Shaffir
  Yes.
29. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh, shit.
30. ASAri Shaffir
  One Sex and the City character.
7:16 – 8:48
What do we name this group? Cuddle Party, Kuks, and other terrible branding ideas
1. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah. So, uh, save our parks or cuddle party, what's the consensus?
2. SGShane Gillis
  What else, what else can we name it?
3. ASAri Shaffir
  Oh, we can, we can branch out a little bit.
4. JRJoe Rogan
  Four cunts?
5. ASAri Shaffir
  That's not bad, the Four Cunts of the Apocalypse.
6. SGShane Gillis
  (laughs)
7. (laughs) Yeah.
8. ASAri Shaffir
  That's a good name for Sex in the City.
9. SGShane Gillis
  (gasps)
10. Yeah.
11. ASAri Shaffir
  Let's see.
12. JRJoe Rogan
  Toxic non-gender specific?
13. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah.
14. ASAri Shaffir
  Hmm.
15. JRJoe Rogan
  Humans.
16. ASAri Shaffir
  Non-binary, asexuals, queefs.
17. SGShane Gillis
  (laughs) Queef, yeah.
18. ASAri Shaffir
  Hmm.
19. SGShane Gillis
  I vote no names.
20. Fuck queefs.
21. ASAri Shaffir
  Kwiefer Sutherland?
22. JRJoe Rogan
  You have what?
23. SGShane Gillis
  No name.
24. JRJoe Rogan
  No name?
25. SGShane Gillis
  No name.
26. ASAri Shaffir
  Like a prince?
27. SGShane Gillis
  We can't go a name.
28. JRJoe Rogan
  Just no names for us? Okay.
29. SGShane Gillis
  We shouldn't name-
30. JRJoe Rogan
  Well, you know what we could do? We could just-
8:48 – 12:26
Jurassic Park nostalgia: real velociraptor size, movie magic, and ‘fat target’ rotations
1. ASAri Shaffir
  Yeah. Was that the first time a sports team was ever named after a movie?
2. SGShane Gillis
  I think so. The Raptors, also, was right around then, but it was the first-
3. It was around Jurassic Park, you're right.
4. JRJoe Rogan
  Was it really?
5. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah.
6. Yeah.
7. JRJoe Rogan
  Do you know that raptors, those raptors are really little? They're not big like that?
8. SGShane Gillis
  Really?
9. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah, yeah. Apparently Steven Speen-... Spielberg was consulting with a dinosaur expert, and he found out, uh, how little the raptors were, and he's like, "That's not gonna work. We need them to be big."
10. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah.
11. JRJoe Rogan
  So he made them, like, seven feet tall. But real raptors are, like, 24" tall. They're like tiny little things.
12. SGShane Gillis
  What? Interesting.
13. ASAri Shaffir
  How-
14. SGShane Gillis
  How tall are the raptors?
15. ASAri Shaffir
  Make sure that's true. How tall are the raptors? Hello, Ataru Goog.
16. JRJoe Rogan
  (clears throat) I don't think they're very big. They're very ferocious.
17. ASAri Shaffir
  They can open doors.
18. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah, but they're little.
19. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
20. SGShane Gillis
  Two feet tall.
21. ASAri Shaffir
  Clever girl.
22. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah, that scared... I saw that in the theater, scared the shit out of me.
23. MNMark Normand
  Oh, my God.
24. JRJoe Rogan
  I was ten years old.
25. SGShane Gillis
  What a good movie that was.
26. MNMark Normand
  Great movie.
27. SGShane Gillis
  In the theater, when you saw the first dinosaur-
28. Man.
29. ... and it's like, "What?"
30. MNMark Normand
  Bro, for real.
12:26 – 19:36
Jonah Hill, body commentary etiquette, LASIK wearing off, and future eye-repair science
1. SGShane Gillis
  I did. I had LASIK.
2. (laughs)
3. MNMark Normand
  Oh, you did?
4. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah, it's wearing off.
5. MNMark Normand
  Ah.
6. JRJoe Rogan
  What?
7. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah.
8. MNMark Normand
  Well, you're aged.
9. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah.
10. JRJoe Rogan
  It's wearing off?
11. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah, I feel it wearing off.
12. JRJoe Rogan
  What do you mean it's wearing off?
13. SGShane Gillis
  It's... Seven or eight years ago.
14. JRJoe Rogan
  LASIK wears off?
15. SGShane Gillis
  I... I didn't know.
16. MNMark Normand
  What about the cane? You still got the cane?
17. SGShane Gillis
  Can't do it again?
18. I think... I'm hoping he can do it again.
19. (laughs)
20. JRJoe Rogan
  Woo. You gotta go for a second eyeball surgery?
21. SGShane Gillis
  I... I had a... I had a cane for the beach.
22. By the way, that was the first shot. You heard it.
23. JRJoe Rogan
  What? I thought you did it.
24. SGShane Gillis
  You did it. You did it.
25. No, no, no. No, no, no. You said, "Shane, could you read that?" I just asking him legitimately if he could read that or not.
26. No, that was the first shot.
27. MNMark Normand
  Oh, is that a picture?
28. JRJoe Rogan
  No, no, no, Shane.
29. SGShane Gillis
  I just want to know. You wasn't even close into it.
30. No, no, no.
19:36 – 21:41
HIV origin theories, bushmeat, bat soup, and ‘octopus teacher’ weirdness
1. NANarrator
  Isn't that an interesting story?
2. JRJoe Rogan
  They think that one of the ways-
3. NANarrator
  Hmm.
4. JRJoe Rogan
  ... that, uh, people initially got HIV, and this is very controversial.
5. MNMark Normand
  Uh-oh.
6. JRJoe Rogan
  But they think there was guys that were, uh-
7. NANarrator
  Tell us.
8. JRJoe Rogan
  You know, bushmeat is, uh, a thing in Africa where they'll essentially shoot and kill-
9. NANarrator
  Yeah.
10. JRJoe Rogan
  ... anything and sell it as meat because food's scarce.
11. NANarrator
  Mm-hmm.
12. JRJoe Rogan
  So they'll occasionally do that to chimpanzees. They'll, they'll shoot chimps and sell chimp meat and eat chimps.
13. MNMark Normand
  Ah.
14. NANarrator
  Yeah.
15. MNMark Normand
  It's like the Wuhan bat.
16. JRJoe Rogan
  And they think that through cutting a monkey or a gorilla or some chimp, some sort of primate, they got the blood on the knife and cut their finger.
17. MNMark Normand
  Ah.
18. JRJoe Rogan
  And that, this is just, I, I think this is just speculation. They don't... I don't think they necessarily have a patient zero in AIDS.
19. NANarrator
  I'm sticking with fuck the monkey.
20. JRJoe Rogan
  Fuck the monkey.
21. MNMark Normand
  Yeah, that's a good story.
22. NANarrator
  That's what I want to believe.
23. JRJoe Rogan
  Remember when Chappelle stood on that?
24. NANarrator
  Yeah.
25. MNMark Normand
  "Rip your dick off like a celery stalk."
26. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
27. NANarrator
  Fucking the monkey.
28. JRJoe Rogan
  "You know how hard it be to fuck a monkey?"
29. NANarrator
  (laughs)
30. MNMark Normand
  That would be pretty hard. (laughs)
21:41 – 24:35
Dolphin research goes off the rails: NASA funding, horny dolphins, and drowning jealousy myths
1. JRJoe Rogan
  You know, John Lilly was, uh-
2. NANarrator
  Big grizzly man.
3. JRJoe Rogan
  ... doing, uh, he had a, a whole, uh, program doing dolphin research. They were trying to teach dolphins how to talk.
4. NANarrator
  Mm.
5. JRJoe Rogan
  And the dolphins kept getting distracted-
6. MNMark Normand
  Whaming?
7. JRJoe Rogan
  ... because they were horny. Um, so, uh, this lady would just jerk off to dolphins so they'd-
8. NANarrator
  Yeah.
9. JRJoe Rogan
  ... participate in the study.
10. MNMark Normand
  What?
11. NANarrator
  Getting hard.
12. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah, and they found out about that, like, "That's a wrap for your study."
13. NANarrator
  Yeah.
14. JRJoe Rogan
  "You can't be jerking people off for dolphins."
15. MNMark Normand
  I feel like it's a win for the dolphins.
16. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
17. NANarrator
  Dude, there's a guy who was fucking dolphins.
18. JRJoe Rogan
  A dolphin who loved me.
19. MNMark Normand
  (laughs)
20. JRJoe Rogan
  NASA-funded project that went wrong. Margaret Lovat in the 1960s was part of a NASA-funded project to communicate with dolphins. Soon she was living with Peter 24 hours a day in a converted house. So, like, the house was-
21. NANarrator
  Oh, no.
22. JRJoe Rogan
  ... like waist high in water.
23. MNMark Normand
  Whoa.
24. JRJoe Rogan
  Uh, Christopher Riley-
25. NANarrator
  She was whacking them off.
26. JRJoe Rogan
  ... reports an experiment that went tragically wrong.
27. MNMark Normand
  They died?
28. JRJoe Rogan
  Tragic because she got to cum.
29. NANarrator
  Did she die?
30. JRJoe Rogan
  No, he got to cum.
24:35 – 27:17
David Choe in Africa: hunting baboons, Facebook stock luck, and why artists annoy people
1. JRJoe Rogan
  You know David Choe, the artist?
2. MNMark Normand
  Yeah.
3. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah, David Choe went to, um, uh, with, with the Hadza. Where, where was that? What part? It was Tanzania? I think it was Tanzania. He went and, uh, hunted baboons. They, uh, they, they eat baboons.
4. MNMark Normand
  Damn.
5. Damn, they hunt, uh-
6. JRJoe Rogan
  And he goes, "It's fucked up." He goes, "'Cause when the baboon gets hit with the arrow, he grabs it like a person."
7. MNMark Normand
  Ah, yeah.
8. NANarrator
  (groans)
9. MNMark Normand
  They're fucking terrifying, baboons.
10. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah, yeah, because it's, it's really fucked up.
11. MNMark Normand
  They dress like a baboon?
12. JRJoe Rogan
  So this is Choe. No, I don't know what they're doing. Is that a- A GoPro and a dog that put on their-
13. MNMark Normand
  He's got dogs out there.
14. NANarrator
  Oh, okay.
15. JRJoe Rogan
  ... chasing the baboons.
16. MNMark Normand
  Look at that, that guy.
17. This is hell.
18. NANarrator
  Peephole.
19. MNMark Normand
  I would never want to do this.
20. JRJoe Rogan
  So the, these, these-
21. NANarrator
  (laughs)
22. MNMark Normand
  Uh...
23. JRJoe Rogan
  ... folks, they eat everything, right?
24. NANarrator
  Yep.
25. JRJoe Rogan
  But they have less game in the area where they live than ever used to be there before, so they find themselves eating a lot of primates.
26. MNMark Normand
  Man, that guy's living, huh?
27. JRJoe Rogan
  David, David-
28. MNMark Normand
  He goes for it.
29. JRJoe Rogan
  ... is so, David Choe is so fucking interesting, 'cause the guy's worth like an, a stupid amount of money.
30. MNMark Normand
  Is he?
27:17 – 32:09
Genital injury war stories: fence-sliced sacks, jiu-jitsu blood, and Rogan’s ‘test it by jerking off’ logic
1. MNMark Normand
  You know you cut your dick, I cut my sack open on a fence.
2. JRJoe Rogan
  Ooh.
3. NANarrator
  Oh.
4. MNMark Normand
  Saw my ball.
5. Oh, no.
6. Yeah.
7. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh my God, you saw your ball?
8. MNMark Normand
  In college.
9. JRJoe Rogan
  Ooh.
10. MNMark Normand
  Got, got really drunk at a party, started making out with this girl on the couch.
11. Oh.
12. Her boyfriend sees me, he's like, "We're going outside." I was like-
13. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
14. MNMark Normand
  ... "All right, let's do it."
15. NANarrator
  And you ran? (laughs)
16. MNMark Normand
  And I ... And then he's like, "Bobby, Jimmy, Mike!" All these guys came out of the woodwork, so I was alone, so I just jumped this fence, straddled it-
17. (inhales deeply)
18. ... couldn't make it all the way over, fell over the other side, I was hanging by my jeans, the jeans ripped.
19. NANarrator
  Oh ...
20. MNMark Normand
  They're all laughing. Ran home, passed out, woke up, sack was torn, blood everywhere.
21. Oh.
22. Had to get it stitched up.
23. NANarrator
  You had to ... What?
24. MNMark Normand
  Yeah, I had to wear a jockstrap for a month.
25. Ooh.
26. And then I had to get the stitches removed.
27. NANarrator
  Wow.
28. MNMark Normand
  That guy, that guy owned you, dude.
29. He really did.
30. NANarrator
  No.
32:09 – 35:45
YouTube retroactive censorship: ‘beer cured my COVID’ and the algorithm vs. humans debate
1. JRJoe Rogan
  Hey, Shane, tell everybody what we were talking about before this 'cause it is so... I can't believe that this happened.
2. ASAri Shaffir
  Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
3. JRJoe Rogan
  But his video got pulled off of YouTube because he simply said-
4. MNMark Normand
  Yeah.
5. JRJoe Rogan
  ... that when he had COVID, he just drank beer.
6. NANarrator
  I said that the way I beat COVID was I just drank beer. That's all I was doing.
7. JRJoe Rogan
  That's all he said.
8. NANarrator
  And it w- and it worked and I was healed.
9. MNMark Normand
  Yeah. Funny. Sure. (laughs)
10. NANarrator
  And that was... I was just explaining exactly what happened. And the episode got taken down from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast.
11. MNMark Normand
  Oh, the whole episode got taken down.
12. JRJoe Rogan
  Just imagine-
13. NANarrator
  It le- it got deleted.
14. JRJoe Rogan
  ... how fucking insane that is.
15. NANarrator
  Like six months later.
16. ASAri Shaffir
  That's so silly, yeah.
17. MNMark Normand
  Yeah. It's a little bit frightening.
18. JRJoe Rogan
  Imagine how insane that is. They're going through old podcasts.
19. NANarrator
  They really are, which is crazy.
20. JRJoe Rogan
  Yiana- Yiannis Krampus just got hit with one from six months ago, he told me. They gave him a strike. He can't post to his account right now.
21. MNMark Normand
  Oh, we're gonna lose all sorts of stuff.
22. ASAri Shaffir
  I know.
23. JRJoe Rogan
  It's just like, what are you doing? Like, why? What's the point? Like, y- y- you looking at what these guys are saying, like, what is... this is fun. It's like no one's getting hurt from any of this.
24. NANarrator
  Yeah.
25. JRJoe Rogan
  If anybody's getting infla- like, this is the whole thing. It's like you're not supposed to have, like, COVID, uh, misinformation or anything that doesn't go along with the lines, you're given some instructions. But that's not what you're doing. You're talking shit. If anybody was like, "Well, I was gonna get vaccinated, but then I saw Shane."
26. MNMark Normand
  "Drank beer."
27. NANarrator
  (laughs) Yeah.
28. JRJoe Rogan
  "And he drank beer. So I'm like, I'm gonna fucking drink beer too, bro."
29. NANarrator
  Yeah.
30. JRJoe Rogan
  Like, is that really... Is that a real thing?
35:45 – 43:45
Longevity ‘secrets’: Big Macs, gin-soaked raisins, and why living to 117 sounds awful
1. JRJoe Rogan
  106-year-old Philadelphia woman is a big fan of Big Macs.
2. NANarrator
  This is... See-
3. MNMark Normand
  Yeah.
4. NANarrator
  This is more hurtful to people's health than saying like-
5. JRJoe Rogan
  That's so crazy.
6. MNMark Normand
  Yeah.
7. NANarrator
  ... maybe the vax is dangerous.
8. JRJoe Rogan
  I know. That, that should be medical misinformation.
9. NANarrator
  I'm interested. Be like, "Crush Big Macs. You're gonna age 106."
10. JRJoe Rogan
  She said it ke-
11. MNMark Normand
  (laughs)
12. JRJoe Rogan
  She said it kept her free of disease.
13. NANarrator
  (laughs)
14. MNMark Normand
  That's back when Big Mac started, when they were made with actual meat.
15. JRJoe Rogan
  She credits junk food for her long life. Her granddaughter said that maybe her lengthy lifespan has to do with the nine gin-soaked raisins she ate every day too.
16. MNMark Normand
  Gin-soaked raisins.
17. ASAri Shaffir
  Whoa.
18. JRJoe Rogan
  Gin-soaked raisins.
19. ASAri Shaffir
  Queen Elizabeth did the same thing.
20. JRJoe Rogan
  What kind of a weirdo lady is this?
21. NANarrator
  What... Yeah.
22. MNMark Normand
  What if it says not eating junk food?
23. NANarrator
  Refugee.
24. JRJoe Rogan
  South Philly. Which that, Jamie?
25. ASAri Shaffir
  It says, "Not eating junk food."
26. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh, not eating junk food. But cheeseburgers.
27. ASAri Shaffir
  I know, that's why it's stuck... I don't know.
28. JRJoe Rogan
  What the fuck does that mean? She's a liar. She's got dementia.
29. ASAri Shaffir
  (laughs)
30. JRJoe Rogan
  That's, that's what kept her alive, dementia.
43:45 – 52:20
Animal fighting and bull stunts: dogfighting lore, cockfights, bull-leaping acrobatics, and bubble-suit carnage
1. JRJoe Rogan
  If, if you're out there listening and you're gonna get a German shepherd as a pet, you better be willing to work with that dog.
2. MNMark Normand
  Mm-hmm.
3. JRJoe Rogan
  You gotta, you gotta exercise that dog. Take it on runs, do things with it. You can't just leave a dog like that in the yard, they'll go crazy.
4. SGShane Gillis
  And we know you're not willing to do that work.
5. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah, so-
6. MNMark Normand
  Hear that, Michael Vick?
7. SGShane Gillis
  ... don't get one.
8. JRJoe Rogan
  Ge- get a little poodle, bitch.
9. SGShane Gillis
  No, Michael Vick worked those boys.
10. MNMark Normand
  Did he? Oh, I guess-
11. SGShane Gillis
  He worked the hell out of those dogs.
12. MNMark Normand
  They were fighting? Yeah. (laughs)
13. SGShane Gillis
  They were, baby. Dogs are probably having a little bit of fun.
14. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh, yeah.
15. SGShane Gillis
  You should've seen his, his dog record was, like-
16. MNMark Normand
  He's a good dog wender. Hell, yeah.
17. SGShane Gillis
  ... '86 and 14.
18. MNMark Normand
  (laughs)
19. SGShane Gillis
  Like-
20. JRJoe Rogan
  His record was good?
21. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah. He was, like, great.
22. JRJoe Rogan
  You know what's fucked, is with that-
23. SGShane Gillis
  Underrated, hall of fame. He's in the hall of fame of dog fighting.
24. MNMark Normand
  I gotta get some new references.
25. SGShane Gillis
  (laughs)
26. JRJoe Rogan
  There's this, like, a silent group of people that are involved in dog fights, that have been involved in dog fights for a long time. And that sort of exposed what that whole-
27. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah.
28. MNMark Normand
  Ah.
29. JRJoe Rogan
  ... community is all about. Because there's a lot of dog fighting going on in parts of this country. Um, there's a guy that I knew, um, well, I know him, but he, at one point in time used to fight dogs. And he lived in, somewhere in the South.
30. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah, the South loves it.
52:20 – 58:37
Fear Factor behind-the-scenes: network-approved gross-outs, chain-wallet Rogan, and coaching people into chaos
1. ASAri Shaffir
  How much of a nightmare was Fear Factor?
2. JRJoe Rogan
  Um.
3. ASAri Shaffir
  To do?
4. JRJoe Rogan
  It was... Well, we did a, a bull riding thing once, and during the bull riding, there was... There's only two times in the history of the show where I told them, "Don't do it." I said, "Don't do this. Don't do it." And that was a big one. They go, "Well, this guy was a stunt guy." Those stunt guys are... They're fucking... They're different humans.
5. ASAri Shaffir
  Yeah.
6. JRJoe Rogan
  They're so used to getting hurt. They're so used to, like, just being brave and taking wild chances that the stunt guy literally said this to me. He goes, "Ah, don't worry about it, boo. Those are stunt bulls."
7. ASAri Shaffir
  Mm.
8. JRJoe Rogan
  I go, "Stunt bulls?" Like, does that bull know he's a stunt bull? (laughs) I bet he thinks he's a fucking bull. Like, "What are you talking about, man? It's a stunt bull."
9. ASAri Shaffir
  What is a stunt bull? (laughs)
10. JRJoe Rogan
  He knows. This thing was, like, 2,000 pounds, and it's in the cage. Bang, bang. Bang, bang.
11. ASAri Shaffir
  Oh, God.
12. JRJoe Rogan
  And they strapped a 98-pound girl to that thing. What? And I was like, "You guys are out of your fucking mind."
13. ASAri Shaffir
  What?
14. JRJoe Rogan
  They strapped a lady to a rodeo bull?
15. ASAri Shaffir
  Oh.
16. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs) Guys, you have to understand, we don't joke about each other.
17. ASAri Shaffir
  How much of a nightmare was Fear Factor-
18. JRJoe Rogan
  Um-
19. ASAri Shaffir
  ... to do?
20. JRJoe Rogan
  It was... Well, we did a, a bull riding thing once, and during the bull riding, there was... There's only two times in the history of the show where I told them, "Don't do it." I said, "Don't do this. Don't do it." And that was a big one. They go, "Well, this guy was a stunt guy." Those stunt guys are... They're fucking... They're different humans.
21. ASAri Shaffir
  Yeah.
22. JRJoe Rogan
  They're so used to getting hurt. They're so used to, like, just being brave and taking wild chances that this one guy literally said this to me. He goes, "Ah, don't worry about it, boo. Those are stunt bulls."
23. ASAri Shaffir
  Mm.
24. JRJoe Rogan
  I go, "Stunt bulls?" Like, does that bull know he's a stunt bull? (laughs) I bet he thinks he's a fucking bull." What are you talking about, man? It's a stunt bull.
25. ASAri Shaffir
  What is a stunt bull? (laughs)
26. JRJoe Rogan
  This thing was like 2,000 pounds, and it's in the cage. Bang, bang. Bang, bang.
27. ASAri Shaffir
  Oh, God.
28. JRJoe Rogan
  And they strapped a 98-pound girl to that thing. What? I was like, "You guys are out of your fucking mind."
29. ASAri Shaffir
  What?
30. JRJoe Rogan
  They strapped a lady to a rodeo bull?

Episode duration: 3:36:04

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Intro

Protect Our Parks chaos: NYC politics, corruption, and the “new mayor” vibe check

Jan 6 jokes, FBI non-answers, and the “use Signal” paranoia spiral

Opting out of the news, MeToo-as-sport riffs, and Sandusky/Penn State dark comedy

Trans prisoners, identity loopholes, and Sex and the City’s “nonbinary standup” scene

What do we name this group? Cuddle Party, Kuks, and other terrible branding ideas

Jurassic Park nostalgia: real velociraptor size, movie magic, and ‘fat target’ rotations

Jonah Hill, body commentary etiquette, LASIK wearing off, and future eye-repair science

HIV origin theories, bushmeat, bat soup, and ‘octopus teacher’ weirdness

Dolphin research goes off the rails: NASA funding, horny dolphins, and drowning jealousy myths

David Choe in Africa: hunting baboons, Facebook stock luck, and why artists annoy people

Genital injury war stories: fence-sliced sacks, jiu-jitsu blood, and Rogan’s ‘test it by jerking off’ logic

YouTube retroactive censorship: ‘beer cured my COVID’ and the algorithm vs. humans debate

Longevity ‘secrets’: Big Macs, gin-soaked raisins, and why living to 117 sounds awful

Animal fighting and bull stunts: dogfighting lore, cockfights, bull-leaping acrobatics, and bubble-suit carnage

Fear Factor behind-the-scenes: network-approved gross-outs, chain-wallet Rogan, and coaching people into chaos

Get more out of YouTube videos.