Joe Rogan Experience #1821 - Bert Kreischer & Tony Hinchcliffe

1. 0:00 – 0:52

   Golf handicaps, scratch vs pro, and a spontaneous guest invite

   1. THTony Hinchcliffe0:00

      (drum roll) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.

   2. NANarrator0:04

      The Joe Rogan Experience. (rock music plays)

   3. JRJoe Rogan0:06

      Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. So what, so explain. So bogey, what's the best? Is like, what's a pro-level golfer?

   4. BKBert Kreischer0:17

      Scratch.

   5. JRJoe Rogan0:18

      Scratch.

   6. BKBert Kreischer0:18

      The scratch is if, if you're, you're pouring-

   7. JRJoe Rogan0:20

      So Santino's, like, pro level?

   8. BKBert Kreischer0:21

      I would... No, so a pro is different. So he's not playing from the tips.

   9. JRJoe Rogan0:24

      Oh by the way, cheers, gentlemen.

   10. BKBert Kreischer0:25

       Cheers.

   11. JRJoe Rogan0:25

       Cheers.

   12. BKBert Kreischer0:26

       Cheers. Cheers, gentlemen. I miss you guys.

   13. THTony Hinchcliffe0:28

       Hell yeah.

   14. JRJoe Rogan0:28

       (glasses clink) So we should talk about how this podcast came about. Not me and Bert. Bert and I got stem cells today at, uh, Waste Well.

   15. BKBert Kreischer0:35

       (clears throat)

   16. JRJoe Rogan0:35

       Shout out to Brigham. And then, uh, we got something to eat, uh, got some barbecue. And we were driving, and I see this yellow Corvette, and I go, "Is that the great and powerful Tony Hinchcliffe?"

   17. THTony Hinchcliffe0:46

       It's me at a red light.

   18. JRJoe Rogan0:47

       And I go, "What are you doing?" He goes like, "Nothing, chilling."

   19. THTony Hinchcliffe0:50

       (laughs)

   20. JRJoe Rogan0:50

       I go, "Come do a podcast with us." And so we're here.

2. 0:52 – 2:16

   Cars, sedans vs sports cars, and Bert’s nonchalance about his own Mercedes

   1. BKBert Kreischer0:52

      I saw the car, and I was like, "God damn it, that's the car LeeAnn wanted." It's a fucking badass car.

   2. JRJoe Rogan0:56

      Yeah, they're, they're dope.

   3. BKBert Kreischer0:57

      You guys are cool with cars, man. I wish I had better taste in cars.

   4. THTony Hinchcliffe1:00

      Move here, you will. It happens naturally.

   5. JRJoe Rogan1:03

      But what's, what's wrong with your taste in cars?

   6. BKBert Kreischer1:05

      I am an old man. I like, uh, I, I like to... A sedan, a big-bodied sedan.

   7. JRJoe Rogan1:12

      Sedans are nice.

   8. BKBert Kreischer1:12

      With a nice cool, dark interior.

   9. JRJoe Rogan1:15

      Ooh. Yeah.

   10. BKBert Kreischer1:15

       Yeah, like a, like a chocolate interior.

   11. JRJoe Rogan1:18

       You know what you should get?

   12. BKBert Kreischer1:19

       A what?

   13. JRJoe Rogan1:19

       The new Cadillac.

   14. BKBert Kreischer1:21

       So I try... I... Uh, the car I wanted that I really liked was when they came back out with the Continental.

   15. JRJoe Rogan1:26

       Oh.

   16. BKBert Kreischer1:27

       They came back out with the Continental. I said, "That's my car."

   17. JRJoe Rogan1:29

       Yeah.

   18. BKBert Kreischer1:29

       I went and drove it, and uh, it felt, it didn't feel solid to me.

   19. JRJoe Rogan1:33

       Well, get a Mercedes.

   20. BKBert Kreischer1:33

       I got a Mercedes.

   21. JRJoe Rogan1:34

       Do you?

   22. BKBert Kreischer1:35

       Yeah, I got the, whatever the one is.

   23. JRJoe Rogan1:36

       You have the S Class?

   24. BKBert Kreischer1:37

       Yeah, I think.

   25. JRJoe Rogan1:38

       Mm-hmm.

   26. BKBert Kreischer1:38

       I don't know. I'm, I'm not a... Like I-

   27. JRJoe Rogan1:39

       You don't even know what you have.

   28. BKBert Kreischer1:40

       I don't even know what I have. I know it's the, the big one, you know, the big one.

   29. JRJoe Rogan1:43

       (laughs) The, the big one.

   30. BKBert Kreischer1:44

       But like I said, I said, one time I told someone it was a AMG-
3. 2:16 – 6:00

   Not driving because of drinking, Sprinter-van dreams, and Steve-O’s interview style

   1. JRJoe Rogan2:16

      (laughs) Does it get in the way of your drinking? Like, when's the last time-

   2. THTony Hinchcliffe2:18

      (laughs)

   3. BKBert Kreischer2:18

      No. Well, I've got... Well, number one, I don't drive much 'cause I do drink.

   4. JRJoe Rogan2:22

      Right.

   5. BKBert Kreischer2:22

      So again, I'm never dr-... I never drive, I never have driven to the store. As soon as I heard someone talking about the parking rules at the store, I was like, "Who drives to the store?" And I literally said that. I was like, "I get an Uber to the store."

   6. JRJoe Rogan2:31

      Right.

   7. BKBert Kreischer2:31

      Have some cocktails.

   8. JRJoe Rogan2:32

      Right.

   9. BKBert Kreischer2:32

      And I Uber home. I, I'm really s- a stickler about drinking and driving.

   10. JRJoe Rogan2:36

       Good for you. That's smart.

   11. BKBert Kreischer2:37

       I don't drink and drive at all.

   12. JRJoe Rogan2:38

       That's smart.

   13. BKBert Kreischer2:38

       Well, yeah, well, and so, uh, like I said, I wouldn't mind a Sprinter.

   14. JRJoe Rogan2:42

       Sprinter van.

   15. BKBert Kreischer2:43

       Yeah.

   16. JRJoe Rogan2:43

       Yeah.

   17. BKBert Kreischer2:43

       And have a driver. I'd like a driver more.

   18. JRJoe Rogan2:45

       We talked about... Jamie and I talked about... Yes.

   19. BKBert Kreischer2:47

       That's what I'd like.

   20. JRJoe Rogan2:47

       Jamie and I talked about taking one of those Sprinter vans and turning it into a mobile podcast studio.

   21. BKBert Kreischer2:52

       Uh, Steve-O has that.

   22. JRJoe Rogan2:53

       Does he?

   23. BKBert Kreischer2:54

       Yeah, Steve-O has it. It, it was, it's, Steve-O's podcast is pretty fucking awesome.

   24. JRJoe Rogan2:58

       Yeah?

   25. BKBert Kreischer2:58

       Like he, he does good fucking interviews. There's a thing-

   26. THTony Hinchcliffe3:01

       Smart guy.

   27. JRJoe Rogan3:02

       Yep.

   28. BKBert Kreischer3:02

       He's a smart guy, and he has this thing where he kind of... I don't know if it's, I don't know if it's his past life of like not seeing consequence, but he doesn't have a problem asking a very uncomfortable question.

   29. THTony Hinchcliffe3:13

       Hmm.

   30. BKBert Kreischer3:14

       And he doesn't have a problem telling a good story that may be too much. Like (laughs) he told a story about him and Ponia sharing a chick one time.
4. 6:00 – 8:27

   Gossip culture and the Depp–Heard trial obsession

   1. BKBert Kreischer6:00

      Like last night at the Vulcan. (laughs)

   2. THTony Hinchcliffe6:02

      Yeah, that green room was a hot tea.

   3. JRJoe Rogan6:04

      A lot of fun.

   4. THTony Hinchcliffe6:05

      Hot tea was served.

   5. JRJoe Rogan6:06

      That was a lot of fun. I love a good gossip session.

   6. BKBert Kreischer6:07

      I do too.

   7. JRJoe Rogan6:08

      ... it's important. But there's just, like, so much gossip flowing around these days. It's, like, it's intense.

   8. BKBert Kreischer6:13

      It's almost, like, too overwhelming.

   9. JRJoe Rogan6:14

      Yeah.

   10. BKBert Kreischer6:15

       Like, you look at some of the gossip going around, and you're like, "I'm gonna need, like, half a day to sit and watch, like, four podcasts to figure out what's going on."

   11. JRJoe Rogan6:21

       I can't. I just can't. I'm so balls deep into this Amber Heard, Johnny Depp podcast.

   12. BKBert Kreischer6:25

       (gasps) .

   13. JRJoe Rogan6:26

       It's not a podcast. The, you know, the trial.

   14. BKBert Kreischer6:28

       Yeah.

   15. JRJoe Rogan6:28

       I can't stop.

   16. BKBert Kreischer6:29

       Yeah, my dad-

   17. JRJoe Rogan6:29

       I can't stop.

   18. BKBert Kreischer6:30

       My dad, too.

   19. JRJoe Rogan6:30

       Every day. I was watching today. Today, her attorney said, "I'm doing my best." And she took a deep breath. Her attorney, her attorney is in the middle of the whole thing. She's like (breathes deeply) , "I'm doing my best." In the middle of, like, questioning.

   20. BKBert Kreischer6:45

       Oh, my God.

   21. JRJoe Rogan6:46

       She's just given up. She's like, "This is fucking done." Like, "I- I've got a crazy person as a client." (laughs)

   22. NANarrator6:52

       Yeah.

   23. JRJoe Rogan6:52

       Jesus.

   24. BKBert Kreischer6:54

       I, I don't- I don't know anything. I know that she said that he beat her up, and he said that she beat him up, right?

   25. JRJoe Rogan7:00

       Well, he has recordings of her admitting she beat him up.

   26. BKBert Kreischer7:03

       (laughs)

   27. JRJoe Rogan7:04

       There's no recordings ever of him saying that he beat her up. There's no evidence that he beat her up. There's no images of her battered and bruised like she said. She said he punched her in the head, and then the next day, there's photos of her and there's nothing wrong with her. And he always wears rings, and it's one of the things they confronted her on. They said, "Johnny always has rings on all of his fingers. Where are the marks on your face?" And she's like, "Mm." It's- she's insane. The best part, though, was her lying about donating the money to the ACLU and the Children's Hospital. She said, "Yeah, yes, I pledged the money." And they go, "No, you said you donated the money." "I, I, uh, I did pledge the money." "No, you said you donated the money. That's not true." "That- that's incorrect. I did. I pledged the money." And she keeps saying that, "I pledged the money," like she's a, she's a literal insane person.

   28. BKBert Kreischer7:50

       So wait, let me-

   29. JRJoe Rogan7:50

       Like, she's nodding. Like, you should... See if you can find that clip and play it, 'cause it's so bonkers. Like-

   30. BKBert Kreischer7:55

       So let me get this straight. She is the whole reason this is happening, correct?
5. 8:27 – 18:58

   Playing the court clip: ‘Pledge’ vs ‘donate’ and courtroom dynamics

   1. NANarrator8:27

      Is this, is this the thing?

   2. JRJoe Rogan8:27

      Yeah. Let me hear this.

   3. NANarrator8:28

      I'm not sure if this is it. I just wanted to make sure before we play it, sort of.

   4. JRJoe Rogan8:30

      Yeah, yeah, yeah.

   5. NANarrator8:31

      All right, um-

   6. JRJoe Rogan8:32

      You just play it right there. Give me some volume.

   7. NANarrator8:35

      ... calling me a liar, making it impossible for me to move on.

   8. JRJoe Rogan8:38

      Look at her face expressions.

   9. NANarrator8:39

      By doing so-

   10. BKBert Kreischer8:40

       Yeah.

   11. NANarrator8:41

       ... said that I wanted the truth, I wanted him to clear my name and to leave me alone. (cries) I've been saying that since 2016.

   12. NANarrator8:49

       So why did you donate 3.5 to Children's Hospital and 3.5 to ACLU?

   13. NANarrator8:57

       Well, I pledged the first half, or 3.5, to-

   14. JRJoe Rogan9:00

       No, this is the wrong one-

   15. NANarrator9:01

       ... Children's Hospital.

   16. JRJoe Rogan9:01

       ... 'cause this is her attorney.

   17. BKBert Kreischer9:02

       Yeah.

   18. JRJoe Rogan9:02

       You wanna get his a- attorney, which is a woman. Her name's Claire, and she was, she was, uh, cross-examining her and crushing her. It was hilarious. It's hilarious to watch 'cause she's, she keeps saying, "Stop. That's not what I said. That's not what I asked. I asked did you, in fact, not donate the money." She says, "That's not true. I pledged the money."

   19. NANarrator9:23

       That's correct.

   20. JRJoe Rogan9:24

       She kept saying, "I pledged the money." And she's saying like, "That's not..." And this, then she, she made this analogy. She said, "When you buy a house, you don't pay for it all at once. You get a mortgage." And they was like, "You're not buying a house. You're donating the amount of money."

   21. NANarrator9:35

       (laughs)

   22. JRJoe Rogan9:35

       She goes, "Well, I couldn't because Johnny sued me." And then they said, "But Johnny didn't sue you until 18 months after you got that money." It's so wild. She's so crazy.

   23. BKBert Kreischer9:46

       She, uh, yeah.

   24. NANarrator9:47

       Is this the right...

   25. JRJoe Rogan9:49

       Yes. Yeah, yeah. Back it up a little. Back it up a little.

   26. NANarrator9:51

       That's correct.

   27. JRJoe Rogan9:52

       No, back it up.

   28. NANarrator9:54

       I did, I did, I did, I did, I did.

   29. JRJoe Rogan9:54

       Back it up.

   30. NANarrator9:54

       "That's correct."
6. 18:58 – 23:55

   Celebrity scandal parallels: Cosby’s release, OJ’s ‘Twitter world,’ and new teeth

   1. BKBert Kreischer18:58

      Cosby's probably gonna be going, "I wish I had Johnny's team." (laughs)

   2. JRJoe Rogan19:02

      Well, he's out.

   3. BKBert Kreischer19:03

      Cosby's out?

   4. JRJoe Rogan19:03

      Yes.

   5. NANarrator19:04

      Yeah.

   6. JRJoe Rogan19:04

      Cosby's out.

   7. BKBert Kreischer19:04

      What happened? He, did he escape?

   8. NANarrator19:06

      (laughs)

   9. JRJoe Rogan19:06

      He ... There was an ex- (laughs)

   10. NANarrator19:08

       (laughs)

   11. BKBert Kreischer19:08

       (laughs) "Don't mind me. I'm just cleaning up over here."

   12. JRJoe Rogan19:12

       (laughs)

   13. NANarrator19:14

       (laughs)

   14. JRJoe Rogan19:14

       That was the worst Cosby impression ever.

   15. BKBert Kreischer19:16

       I'm bad at impressions. (laughs) Hey, ho, ho.

   16. JRJoe Rogan19:19

       That's like Huggy the Bear.

   17. BKBert Kreischer19:20

       (laughs)

   18. JRJoe Rogan19:21

       Yeah, he, um, he was released because if I r- if I, I think if I remember it correctly, the statement that he made in, um, he made ... There was some sort of a settlement that he had. And part of the settlement was he would give this woman the money, and he would make these statements, but the statements could not be used against him.

   19. BKBert Kreischer19:41

       Yeah.

   20. JRJoe Rogan19:41

       And so he made these statements. Isn't that how ... Am I saying that right? "Because the prosecutors violated Mr. Cosby's rights by reneging on an apparent promise not to charge him, the court majority ruled." Okay. So, uh, the district attorney in Montgomery, Pennsylvania, outside Philadelphia issued a news release saying that he had decide- declined to charge Mr. Cosby over the matter. Mr. Cosby then sat for d- depositions in a separate lawsuit against him my Miss Constand where he paid her $3.38 million to settle in 2006. But a substica- subsequent district attorney reversed Mr. Castor's decision and charged the entertainer with assaulting Miss Constand after all. In the trial, prosecutors used what Mr. Cosby had said in the deposition, his admission that in decades past, he had given Quaaludes to women in an effort to have sex with them as evidence against him. So, that was it. So, we hold that when a prosecutor makes an unconditional promise of non-prosecution and when the defendant relies upon that guarantee to the detriment of his constitutional right not to testify, the principle of fundamental fairness that undergrids the due process ... Undergirds, rather. Due pro- I don't even know what that word is. Undergird? Have you ever heard that word?

   21. NANarrator20:58

       No.

   22. JRJoe Rogan20:58

       Due process of our law and our criminal justice system demands that the promise be enforced. So, they let him out.

   23. BKBert Kreischer21:05

       Jesus.

   24. JRJoe Rogan21:06

       Yeah.

   25. BKBert Kreischer21:06

       I would, I would love to hear Cosby be 100% honest about drugging women.

   26. JRJoe Rogan21:12

       (sighs) I think he can't. I think it's like OJ. You know, we were talking about this last night, that if you, like, talked to OJ's ... "Well, I came home, and, uh, you know, I just ... I went to the airport just like normal."

   27. BKBert Kreischer21:22

       (laughs)

   28. JRJoe Rogan21:22

       "Everything was normal. And then when I got to the airport, there's a ... 'M- M- Mr. Simpson, we wanna talk to you about the murder of your wife.' Well, what? My wife was murdered?"

   29. NANarrator21:32

       (laughs)

   30. BKBert Kreischer21:32

       "Huh?"
7. 23:55 – 26:39

   George Washington’s dentures, Columbus reframed, and what school leaves out

   1. JRJoe Rogan23:55

      You know? You wanna know really dark shit that I found out-

   2. BKBert Kreischer23:58

      Please.

   3. JRJoe Rogan23:58

      ... from Duncan? George Washington had fake teeth from slaves that he owned. They pulled the teeth out of slaves and made him molars.

   4. BKBert Kreischer24:09

      Wow.

   5. JRJoe Rogan24:09

      And made him, uh, dentures rather.

   6. BKBert Kreischer24:11

      Fu- fuck.

   7. JRJoe Rogan24:12

      So, fuck. So, look at, uh, George Washington's teeth. Like, find this. So, you know, George Washington had, like, this crazy set up. Those were teeth from his slaves.

   8. NANarrator24:23

      I thought his teeth were made of wood or something.

   9. JRJoe Rogan24:24

      No, it's wood around it. That's wood holding it in place.... that's his teeth. That's what it looked like with springs?

   10. BKBert Kreischer24:32

       Oh, fuck. Look at the back.

   11. JRJoe Rogan24:32

       So, he had those springs in his mouth? Is that why his mouth was always, like, like, he had ... Look at that photo of him down there. Look how his mouth sticks out.

   12. BKBert Kreischer24:39

       He's trying to hold his teeth down.

   13. JRJoe Rogan24:41

       Oh, my God. That's so nuts.

   14. BKBert Kreischer24:43

       He had-

   15. JRJoe Rogan24:43

       So, the mou- the, the springs kept the teeth in his mouth. Holy shit, dude. That's him down there with no teeth and a mouth full of slave teeth.

   16. BKBert Kreischer24:54

       Fuck.

   17. JRJoe Rogan24:56

       Fuck, that's evil.

   18. BKBert Kreischer24:57

       Imagine him coming home smiling at his slaves and they're like, "Yeah, those are my teeth."

   19. JRJoe Rogan25:01

       Oh, my God. That's so crazy.

   20. GAGuest (uncertain which, brief aside)25:03

       Jesus.

   21. JRJoe Rogan25:03

       Look at that. That's what his teeth looked like, and they were all pulled from slaves.

   22. BKBert Kreischer25:07

       God dammit. I didn't know that.

   23. JRJoe Rogan25:09

       How come we never learned that in school?

   24. BKBert Kreischer25:12

       (laughs)

   25. GAGuest (uncertain which, brief aside)25:14

       Yeah.

   26. JRJoe Rogan25:14

       Like, for real. Why are we learning that now on the internet? It's not like that infor- it's on- it was a, "A new story broke!" No, it didn't. He's been dead for 300 fucking years. How is it possible that this is coming out now?

   27. BKBert Kreischer25:26

       You just need a cool history teacher. Like, Duncan would be a cool history teacher.

   28. JRJoe Rogan25:29

       I don't kno- do you think ... I mean, obviously someone knew that otherwise it wouldn't be out there now. So, it must-

   29. GAGuest (uncertain which, brief aside)25:35

       What grade do you learn that in, 'cause you can't teach that to a seven-year-old. They'd be like, "What?"

   30. JRJoe Rogan25:39

       Maybe you can.
8. 26:39 – 33:54

   Reparations logic, Portuguese empire, and fashion’s Nazi-era ties

   1. JRJoe Rogan26:39

      And that was probably one of the first times where reparations was brought up.

   2. BKBert Kreischer26:43

      Yeah.

   3. JRJoe Rogan26:43

      That was probably one of the first, 'cause there's, there's companies that, to this day, in their original origin, like, when they, they were around during slavery and they had slaves, they profited off of slaves, and they're still around. Those companies made a profit that was the foundation of the business that they enjoy today. And it came from slavery.

   4. BKBert Kreischer27:04

      F-

   5. JRJoe Rogan27:04

      If anybody should pay reparations, it's those people, right?

   6. BKBert Kreischer27:08

      It's the same with Germany.

   7. JRJoe Rogan27:09

      Yes.

   8. BKBert Kreischer27:10

      They've used the Jews to blow up big companies that are still around today. What's the dude that did all the outfits? Vidal Sassoon or something?

   9. JRJoe Rogan27:18

      What?

   10. BKBert Kreischer27:18

       Who did all the outfits?

   11. JRJoe Rogan27:20

       (laughs) The dude that did all the outfits.

   12. GAGuest (uncertain which, brief aside)27:21

       No, he did ... It's, uh ...

   13. BKBert Kreischer27:23

       Gucci?

   14. JRJoe Rogan27:24

       (laughs)

   15. BKBert Kreischer27:25

       It's Gucci.

   16. GAGuest (uncertain which, brief aside)27:25

       It's one of 'em. It is. It is a big one.

   17. JRJoe Rogan27:27

       What is it? What is Gucci?

   18. BKBert Kreischer27:27

       You think it's Gucci?

   19. GAGuest (uncertain which, brief aside)27:27

       What are you saying? What did they do?

   20. JRJoe Rogan27:28

       Yeah, they did all the ... They designed the Nazi stuff. Oh, my God. Really?

   21. BKBert Kreischer27:32

       Hugo Boss.

   22. GAGuest (uncertain which, brief aside)27:32

       Yeah, yeah, yeah.

   23. BKBert Kreischer27:32

       Hugo Boss. Hugo Boss.

   24. JRJoe Rogan27:34

       Oh, wow.

   25. BKBert Kreischer27:34

       That's why the Nazis looked so fucking dope.

   26. JRJoe Rogan27:36

       Yeah.

   27. BKBert Kreischer27:36

       Their outfits are fucking-

   28. GAGuest (uncertain which, brief aside)27:38

       Mm-hmm.

   29. BKBert Kreischer27:38

       Out of all the villains' outfits, that has been the standard prototype for what a villain should look like.

   30. GAGuest (uncertain which, brief aside)27:43

       No doubt.
9. 33:54 – 41:46

   Art as status and money movement: The Lost Leonardo, freeports, and NFT confusion

   1. JRJoe Rogan33:54

      You know, a lot of those building, a lot of those ships rather, they restore them. They restore these old ships. But the problem is, where's the ship? Like, what is that now? That's a new ship. That's not the old ship. You put new wood in it.

   2. BKBert Kreischer34:07

      Yeah.

   3. JRJoe Rogan34:08

      Like if you put new wood and restore a ship, that's not the ship anymore. So this is like-

   4. BKBert Kreischer34:12

      Yeah, 'cause it's not a house.

   5. JRJoe Rogan34:13

      Right, yeah. There's like this debate about that. Like what do you... Like, you know that story about the, the f- the fake Leonardo da Vinci painting? Or supposedly fake, allegedly fake. There's a, a male Mona Lisa that's like Jesus, it looks like Jesus. And, uh, the original painting was retouched and redone by this woman painstakingly over years. She essentially made a new painting, but the painting sold for $450 million. And, uh, MBS from, uh, Saudi Arabia. That's what it looked like when they got it, and they had to take all these layers of shitty paint off. And in the process, the, the art investigators or whoever it would be determined that there's a high probability that this is a Leonardo da Vinci. It's a lost Leonardo. Since then, it's gone into a lot of dispute, and there's objective art analysts that do not believe that this is a lost, uh, Leonardo da Vinci. And then there's other ones that may be connected to it that do believe it. It's, the problem is the amount of money to be made off a Leonardo da Vinci was absurd, so there's a certain amount of incentive for them to say that it was a Leonardo da Vinci. And I don't think it was substantiated before the auction, so it was sold to the highest bidder, which was $450 million. And then it came out like over time what the process was, and The Lost Leonardo is a documentary that I saw. And it is fucking wild to see what happened. It's essentially like they all were like wink, wink, nudge, nudge, "Let's sell this thing as Leonardo, and let's sell this thing after this lady essentially repainted the whole thing." I think there's a, a large percentage. See what the percentage of this painting is redone. It's a crazy percentage. Like you read it and you go, "What? 90%?" Like, something nuts like that.

   6. BKBert Kreischer36:06

      Yeah.

   7. JRJoe Rogan36:06

      Where the, the, it's a beautiful painting, but it's really this woman who's an expert painter painting over this really old paint with new paint, and they're selling it like an old painting. Like that's not really an old... You painted on an old painting, but it's not an old painting.

   8. BKBert Kreischer36:25

      Yeah, I-

   9. JRJoe Rogan36:26

      Right?

   10. BKBert Kreischer36:26

       That's why I don't buy art.

   11. JRJoe Rogan36:28

       Ah.

   12. BKBert Kreischer36:28

       It's like what the... I, like-

   13. JRJoe Rogan36:29

       Well, you can't buy that kind of art. That kind of art is like look-at-the-size-of-my-dick art, you know?

   14. BKBert Kreischer36:34

       Yeah.

   15. JRJoe Rogan36:34

       I have $450 million just slapping that giant dick on the table.

   16. BKBert Kreischer36:38

       What, uh, what happens to those people? Why do they do that?

   17. JRJoe Rogan36:41

       Well, I mean, he's a prince in Saudi Arabia. That's the least of the things that he's been accused of doing.

   18. BKBert Kreischer36:46

       (laughs)

   19. JRJoe Rogan36:46

       This is...This is the guy that was accused of, uh, killing Jam- Jamal Khashoggi, or having, having Jamal Khashoggi killed.

   20. BKBert Kreischer36:52

       For real?

   21. THTony Hinchcliffe36:52

       I was watching some of that. A very interesting thing they were bringing up is that, uh, you can store those paintings in the, like the movie Tenant is about the-

   22. BKBert Kreischer37:02

       Yeah.

   23. THTony Hinchcliffe37:02

       ... way they store that shit. While it's being stored there, they can take out loans on that and get tho- the loans tax free.

   24. JRJoe Rogan37:07

       Yeah.

   25. THTony Hinchcliffe37:07

       So it's like a way of moving money.

   26. BKBert Kreischer37:09

       Oh.

   27. THTony Hinchcliffe37:09

       It's like, you have a $200 million painting, then you get a $200 million loan.

   28. JRJoe Rogan37:11

       Yes.

   29. THTony Hinchcliffe37:12

       No taxes.

   30. JRJoe Rogan37:12

       Yes. Yes.
10. 41:46 – 1:01:17

    Comedy craft and career realities: tags, lineups, and being ‘undeniable’

    1. BKBert Kreischer41:46

       Oof. Would it change your opinion of, say, uh, Ali Wong. Ali Wong's a safe place. Would you change your opinion of Ali Wong if you found out 90% of her act was written by someone else?

    2. JRJoe Rogan41:58

       Yes.

    3. BKBert Kreischer41:59

       Yeah. 100%.

    4. JRJoe Rogan42:00

       Yes. Yes.

    5. BKBert Kreischer42:01

       I- I'm really litigious about that.

    6. JRJoe Rogan42:03

       But it's not-

    7. BKBert Kreischer42:03

       I won't even take tags from people-

    8. JRJoe Rogan42:05

       You can-

    9. BKBert Kreischer42:05

       ... 'cause I get, I get weird about it, 'cause I go, "I didn't write it."

    10. JRJoe Rogan42:09

        You could never-

    11. BKBert Kreischer42:09

        Tox gave me a great one one time.

    12. JRJoe Rogan42:10

        Oh, you wouldn't take it?

    13. BKBert Kreischer42:12

        I wouldn't take it. It was awesome. It was a great one.

    14. JRJoe Rogan42:14

        Oh, you gotta take tags. I take tags.

    15. BKBert Kreischer42:16

        He-

    16. JRJoe Rogan42:16

        Tony takes tags.

    17. BKBert Kreischer42:17

        His tag-

    18. THTony Hinchcliffe42:17

        Of course.

    19. BKBert Kreischer42:17

        I had a joke about dating a Black chick. I wanted to date a Black chick. And, uh, that... It was like an- an act out story about wanting to date a Black chick. And then he said, "You need to start that with, I want to date a Black chick, just as long as she's never had sex with a Black guy." (laughs)

    20. THTony Hinchcliffe42:31

        (laughs)

    21. BKBert Kreischer42:32

        And I was like, "Oh, that's so fucking funny. I wish I had thought of that." What is Daniel Tosh doing?

    22. THTony Hinchcliffe42:37

        He's here actually tonight.

    23. BKBert Kreischer42:40

        What?

    24. JRJoe Rogan42:41

        He's here tonight? Where?

    25. THTony Hinchcliffe42:42

        Let me make sure of that.

    26. JRJoe Rogan42:44

        At The Paramount?

    27. THTony Hinchcliffe42:44

        I was... Or it could be this weekend. I remember seeing an ad that he was in town this weekend or something.

    28. JRJoe Rogan42:48

        No shit.

    29. BKBert Kreischer42:49

        No way.

    30. JRJoe Rogan42:49

        I haven't talked to that guy in forever. I wanna say hi to him.
11. 1:01:17 – 1:13:53

    Hollywood, egos, and the weird hierarchy of sitcom credits

    1. THTony Hinchcliffe1:01:17

       Andy Kaufman had beef with it all the way back then.

    2. JRJoe Rogan1:01:20

       Yeah.

    3. THTony Hinchcliffe1:01:20

       I remember him saying like, "That's the laughter of dead people." And to think that it stayed one of the main sources of comedy entertainment for so long after that.

    4. JRJoe Rogan1:01:30

       Well, it kinda still is around, right? Ms. Pat does it with a live audience. She's probably the only one doing it well right now. Ms. Pat's show is awesome. It's a very good show. It's awesome. It's a very good show. I was, uh, like, legitimately impressed. 'Cause you know, when your friend does a show, you're like, "I hope it's good." Yeah. I watch her show, and she wanted to come on with the executive producer who's a really young guy. Uh, yeah. And a really smart guy. He knows a lot of shit about, like, old Hollywood and movies. But, um, when I watched her show, I'm like, "This is a good fucking show." Like, this... It's... You know, it's good that it's on a streaming platform too, 'cause it'll show that it grows there, and it'll get a chance to take legs, but that could be anywhere. And as a matter of fact, I think it might be somewhere else. I think it might be going to Netflix. No, it's on Parama- it's on Paramount Plus. Is that what it is? So, whoever owns BET, which I think is Paramount Plus, is... Now, it's all on Paramount Plus. Oh, that's what it is. Okay, cool. Yeah. (clears throat) But, you know, that... The world of those shows is a odd world, man. There's y- so many egos, and so many ideas have to, like, come together in a perfect convergence to make a show, and then everybody wants to take credit for it. It's like it's- Ugh. It's all so weird, man. And then you have the weirdness of the actors. Like, they wanna be billed on the, on the like... When they read the credits, th- that's important, like what number you are. I remember I was over at Kallen's house once, and, uh, he had this actress lady that he was, uh, um, eh, having relations with. And, uh, she made a, a snide comment about someone being, like, the fourth name on a sitcom, like the fourth... You know, like, the... How... I don't know what the term is.

    5. THTony Hinchcliffe1:03:09

       The fourth lead.

    6. JRJoe Rogan1:03:10

       Is that what it is? The fourth lead?

    7. THTony Hinchcliffe1:03:11

       I think so.

    8. JRJoe Rogan1:03:11

       Is that what they say?

    9. THTony Hinchcliffe1:03:12

       I think that's how they describe the order.

    10. JRJoe Rogan1:03:14

        Whatever it was when they were reading off... Like, that was her insult about this person, that, "Pfft, please, he's the fourth lead on some sitcom." Like, they don't even read his name first. They read his name fourth. I'm like, "That's an insult." Like, she's an out-of-work actress. Yeah. She's not working. She's probably working as a waitress. But her insult was that there was this person, and they don't read his name quick enough when they read the names out for the stories. So, there's this whole weird social hierarchy to the show. It wasn't like everybody's name, "On the show, Tony Hinchcliffe, Bert Kreischer, Joe Rogan, all together, one, one picture." Yeah. No, it's like, "Bert Kreischer," da da da-da, da da da da da da da, "Tony Hinchcliffe." Like, and if you got fourth, it's like nobody gives a fuck about you. (laughs) They could write you out. Yeah. You could die in a car accident. Th- you're not necessary for this show. Actors are... Uh, actors are, are crazy.

    11. THTony Hinchcliffe1:04:09

        Yeah.

    12. JRJoe Rogan1:04:09

        I mean, just... And not all- not- Not Amber Heard. (clears throat)

    13. THTony Hinchcliffe1:04:11

        (laughs)

    14. JRJoe Rogan1:04:12

        Oh. She's fine. She's, she is the ultimate crazy lady. That's like an interview with Bigfoot. Like, "Look, we got one." Like, "We got one. There it is. There it is. This is what we've been telling you about." Mm-hmm. "This is a real one."

    15. THTony Hinchcliffe1:04:24

        I mean, imagine what it has to be like. To only do that? The imposter syndrome has to be completely overwhelming. You didn't write anything. You... No one... Uh, you... Someone else told you how to do that. They bent your motion. "Look this way, chin up. Let's do it again. Do it slower. Take a pause between this." Nothing is under your control.

    16. JRJoe Rogan1:04:46

        But I, but I don't, I don't think they get that. I don't think they get imposter syndrome. Well, imposter syndrome is the opposite way. Im- imposter syndrome is like, you become like super famous and super wealthy, and like, you're, like you're a football player, and you don't believe it's real. You're like, "They're gonna find me out." Like, "This doesn't feel real." Like, that, that happens to a lot... I've had this happen to me. It happens to a lot of people. Yeah. They get, they get successful, and they, they go, "I, I'm a fraud. This is fake." Even though people love you, they'll, they'll... You go out and kill, and you're like, "I feel like an imposter," because it's so strange. It's a new identity, and that new identity is very difficult for you to, to relate to, 'cause it's not most of your life. Most of your life is Tony Hinchcliffe, regular guy from Columbus, Ohio. And all of a sudden, it's Tony Hinchcliffe, you know, successful comic, and you're touring, and you're killing everywhere. And you go on stage, and they're cheering. Like, you feel like an imposter. That's imposter syndrome. What they are is just crazy. (laughs) They, they are good at pretending to be a thing. And some of them are cool as fuck. There's a lot of very cool actors, very cool actors. Johnny Depp's very cool. But some of them are just complete insane people that know how to manipulate and play this game, and they get deeply embedded into the Hollywood system. They become friends with casting agents and producers and executives. They go to the right parties. They say the right things. They shake the right hands. (sighs) They look good. They're attractive and charismatic like her, and next thing you know, they're famous. But they're legitimate sociopaths, like legitimately insane people, and there's not just one of those out there. There's a fucking ecosystem of them. There's a shit ton of them. We know some of them that are comics. Yeah. There's a bunch of them, and they're psychopaths. And they, you know, they're out there acting like normal people. They're like vampires, just like living amongst regular people but just pretending and making their way through, but they're not. They're, they're crazy people. They steal ideas. They're, they backstab people. They lie about being beaten up, you know, like this one. Yeah. That's, this is, that's, that is also what happens in show business, because the kind of person that wants an exorbitant amount of attention oftentimes has an exorbitant amount of damage in their life. So then I, I, I, I wanted to be like those people so bad when I got to Hollywood, like be someone who knew a casting director's name. Mm. Or like, or like knew anyone or went to the parties. I wanted to be like that so bad, and I just... I couldn't help but be me, and who I am is not very conducive to those moments. Well, you know, back then, they didn't know that you being you was an actual business model. (laughs) You know what I'm saying?

    17. BKBert Kreischer1:07:18

        Yeah, yeah, yeah.

    18. JRJoe Rogan1:07:18

        Like, back then, they would go, "You can't be that. You know, you're gonna have to clean up your act because we gotta present you as something that you're not to make you more marketable."

    19. BKBert Kreischer1:07:25

        Yeah.

    20. JRJoe Rogan1:07:25

        They didn't, they didn't have a YouTube. They didn't have a podcast. They didn't have a venue, an avenue where you could do a special. You know, back then, if you got a special, man... How many people got an HBO special?

    21. NANarrator1:07:36

        Yeah.

    22. JRJoe Rogan1:07:37

        It's like, fucking Eddie Murphy got one-

    23. BKBert Kreischer1:07:38

        That's right.

    24. JRJoe Rogan1:07:38

        ... Richard Pryor, G- G- George Carlin, a few, Kenison. Few people got them. But it wasn't like every week you have a new Netflix special. Like, there's so many new Netflix specials.

    25. BKBert Kreischer1:07:48

        I took a shit at a casting director's house one time.

    26. JRJoe Rogan1:07:51

        You took a shit there?

    27. BKBert Kreischer1:07:52

        Well, I had to take a shit and-

    28. JRJoe Rogan1:07:53

        I get it.

    29. BKBert Kreischer1:07:53

        ... and I took a shit. And fucking someone was like, they told her and, and she was like, "You shit at my house?" And I was like, "Well, yeah. You have a toilet. What, what do you use it for?" Like, I didn't... It was a party.

    30. JRJoe Rogan1:08:04

        She was upset that you shit at her house?

Episode duration: 3:35:43