CHAPTERS
- 0:00 – 0:25
Tom Segura becomes a bestselling author (and the reality of writing a book)
The episode opens with Joe congratulating Tom on becoming a New York Times bestselling author. Tom explains how surreal it feels and immediately pivots to how brutal the writing process can be compared to standup.
- •Tom’s surprise at hitting bestseller status
- •Comics warning each other that writing a book is a grind
- •Book writing feels like going back to school (deadlines, notes, structure)
- •Sales/industry talk begins once the manuscript is in
- 0:25 – 3:20
Deadlines, editor bloodbath notes, and writing while injured
Tom details the actual mechanics of delivering pages: turning in chunks, waiting on editor notes, then rewriting under pressure. He also recounts how his injury complicated typing and slowed his ability to address revisions.
- •Pandemic timing created the window to start the book
- •Turning in 10k/20k-word chunks and waiting for editorial feedback
- •Editor notes range from minor tweaks to total rewrites
- •Injury and limited arm/hand function delayed revisions
- •The awkward note every comic hates: “add humor”
- 3:20 – 5:31
Standup rhythm: pauses, crowd energy, and when to skip slow bits
Joe and Tom talk shop about what makes live comedy work: pacing, silence, and building tension. They compare different comics’ styles and how certain rooms require rapid-fire jokes versus slower storytelling.
- •Comics’ discomfort with silence vs mastering pauses
- •Examples of comics with different pacing instincts (e.g., one-liner machines vs slow builds)
- •Late shows and chaotic crowds can force setlist changes
- •Comedy compared to music: some sets are ‘all gas,’ others need dynamics
- 5:31 – 11:21
Hecklers, theater crowds, and the “balcony pisser” incident
They dig into the realities of audience behavior—especially in bigger venues where one interruption can trigger others. Tom tells a surreal Baltimore story where chaos escalates into a man urinating on other audience members.
- •How engaging one heckle can invite a wave of interruptions
- •Theater crowds repeating podcast catchphrases and inside jokes
- •Tom’s aggressive crowd-control response to stop the cascade
- •The balcony chaos: a fan ‘defends’ Tom by peeing on a heckler and hits bystanders
- •Security confusion and the culprit escaping
- 11:21 – 13:52
Comedians behaving badly: peeing in bottles, nudity, and legendary “balls” lore
The conversation spirals into comic war stories about bodily functions, backstage survival tactics, and shock-value antics. Ari Shaffir becomes the focal point, followed by a riff on famously outrageous friends’ anatomy.
- •Backstage emergency peeing (water bottles) as a touring reality
- •Ari peeing in hallways/studios and embracing inappropriate behavior
- •Discussion of why comics flash people (ego, shock, comedy)
- •Joey Diaz ‘ball’ stories and pandemic-era Zoom fundraiser absurdity
- 13:52 – 23:43
Bert Kreischer as ‘The Machine’: when your persona consumes you
Joe and Tom discuss how fame can lock a comedian into a character and set of expectations. Bert’s identity as ‘The Machine’ becomes an example of success that also removes freedom—shirt-off, story-required, party image mandatory.
- •Bert’s health scares vs his ability to keep partying
- •Comparison to comedians/creators who become their characters (Dice, Kinison, Hunter S. Thompson)
- •Audience demands: shirt off + ‘Machine’ story as a fixed ritual
- •How friends/mentors push key material onto stage (Joe urging the story)
- •The tradeoff between massive success and personal constraints
- 23:43 – 25:51
‘I’m Coming Everywhere’ tour: 198 shows, arenas, and why some cities rule
Tom outlines an unusually intense touring schedule and how his routing has expanded from theaters into arenas. They also riff on favorite cities (especially Denver) and what makes a place great for comedy and living.
- •Tour branding and the scale of the run (near-constant dates)
- •Breakdown of theaters vs growing arena count
- •Specific arena milestones (e.g., Denver double dates)
- •What makes Denver appealing: mountains, seasons, restaurants, comedy scene
- 25:51 – 30:50
Homelessness and city policy: Austin cleanup vs LA sprawl
They shift into civic issues, contrasting how different cities handle homelessness. Joe praises Austin’s approach (shelters/hotel purchases) while Tom describes how startling it was to see encampments spread into wealthy LA areas.
- •Austin’s downtown cleanup and policy tradeoffs (no camping + real shelter options)
- •LA’s encampment expansion into high-end neighborhoods (e.g., Brentwood)
- •Legal protections around homeless property in California
- •The everyday visibility of dysfunction under overpasses and sidewalks
- 30:50 – 35:15
LA crime stories, Subway chaos, and ‘bread that isn’t bread’
A discussion about public safety and lax enforcement in LA leads to absurd-but-real headlines. They pivot into food industry weirdness: Subway’s sugary bread rulings, branding spin, and Tom’s personal connection to Jared.
- •Career criminals being released and violent incidents in the news
- •Subway worker murdered over ‘too much mayo’
- •Ireland ruling: Subway rolls too sugary to be taxed as bread
- •How corporations message around bad facts (“bread is, of course, bread”)
- •Tom’s past commercials with Jared and the weirdness of that era
- 35:15 – 1:29:30
Tax loopholes, Forbes obsession, and Trump’s ‘John Barron’ tape
They bounce from international tax maneuvers to how status culture fuels wealth signaling. Tom and Joe share stories about rich people obsessing over rankings, including Trump’s infamous pseudonymous phone calls to shape his image.
- •Ireland corporate tax routing as a major loophole
- •Skepticism that higher taxes automatically improve government performance
- •Memes/cartoons as shorthand for manipulation and class conflict
- •Forbes list disputes: suing or lobbying to be ranked higher
- •Trump’s ‘John Barron’ audio and the humor of obvious self-mythmaking
- 1:29:30 – 1:45:34
Pharma power, COVID policy backlash, and questions about treatments
Joe lays out his distrust of pharmaceutical incentives, advertising dominance, and liability shields. They cite major settlement cases (Vioxx, Pfizer, GSK) and discuss COVID-era policies, including Paxlovid rebound and alternative treatments Joe trusts.
- •Canada/New York pandemic rules as a symbol of policy inertia
- •Pharma advertising scale and regulatory capture concerns
- •Historical examples: Vioxx data, fines vs profits, and corporate incentives
- •Debate around Paxlovid rebound and what ‘works’ clinically
- •Joe’s preference for monoclonals/IV vitamins (and Trump’s rapid recovery as a reference point)
- 1:45:34 – 2:01:20
Russia, Ukraine, cartels, and borders: from geopolitics to wild documentaries
The conversation jumps globally—Ukraine fading from headlines, cultural stereotypes, and authoritarian leverage. They then move into cartel logistics (subs, Coast Guard interdictions), the surreal US–Mexico beach barrier, and why people seek medical procedures in Tijuana.
- •Perception shifts around the Ukraine war and cultural attitudes in Eastern Europe
- •Snowden, Griner, and political leverage via detainment/exchange
- •Operation Odessa and the absurdity of black-market military hardware offers
- •Narco-sub interdictions and the scale of drug trafficking
- •US–Mexico border fence at the beach as a symbolic weak point
- •Tijuana stem-cell clinics: higher-dose treatments and cross-border medicine
- 2:01:20 – 2:31:42
Trans sports, ‘woke’ institutional fear, TikTok surveillance, and the fight over speech
They debate fairness in women’s sports, praising new governing-body restrictions tied to male puberty. The thread broadens into institutional conformity (teachers, entertainment), TikTok’s data pipeline and China as a strategic adversary, and how podcasting functions as a freer speech platform.
- •FINA and rugby rulings: male puberty as the key competitive divide
- •Distinguishing empathy for trans people from sports-category policy
- •Schools/workplaces: fear of speaking and social punishment dynamics
- •FCC pressure to remove TikTok; concerns about ByteDance and data access
- •China’s governance model vs Western corporate/state separation
- •Podcasts as an alternative to mainstream media constraints and a tool for self-education
- 2:31:42 – 3:11:13
Porn then vs now, monster-movie craft, and Tom’s origin stories (AMW, 9/11, standup, podcasting)
They wrap the episode with cultural riffs—how easy porn is for kids today, why monsters and thrillers are hard to write, and what makes classic practical effects memorable. The final stretch returns to Tom’s book: near-death drug story, finding an injured rider, working at America’s Most Wanted during 9/11, moving to LA, and being pushed into standup and podcasting.
- •Pre-internet porn scavenger culture vs today’s instant access for kids
- •Horror/thriller structure: suspense, reveal, plausibility, and why endings fail
- •American Werewolf in London, practical effects, and Joe’s werewolf prop story
- •Tom’s book anecdotes: motorcycle crash ‘body,’ GHB overdose coma, and family fallout
- •America’s Most Wanted job starting 9/10/2001 and the post-9/11 pivot to terrorism
- •Tom’s move to LA, Groundlings, Tripoli encouraging standup, first bringer show nerves
- •Early podcasting days: disbelief it would become massive; closing tour/book plugs
