CHAPTERS
- 0:00 – 0:25
Tom Segura becomes a bestselling author (and the reality of writing a book)
The episode opens with Joe congratulating Tom on becoming a New York Times bestselling author. Tom explains how surreal it feels and immediately pivots to how brutal the writing process can be compared to standup.
- 0:25 – 3:20
Deadlines, editor bloodbath notes, and writing while injured
Tom details the actual mechanics of delivering pages: turning in chunks, waiting on editor notes, then rewriting under pressure. He also recounts how his injury complicated typing and slowed his ability to address revisions.
- 3:20 – 5:31
Standup rhythm: pauses, crowd energy, and when to skip slow bits
Joe and Tom talk shop about what makes live comedy work: pacing, silence, and building tension. They compare different comics’ styles and how certain rooms require rapid-fire jokes versus slower storytelling.
- 5:31 – 11:21
Hecklers, theater crowds, and the “balcony pisser” incident
They dig into the realities of audience behavior—especially in bigger venues where one interruption can trigger others. Tom tells a surreal Baltimore story where chaos escalates into a man urinating on other audience members.
- 11:21 – 13:52
Comedians behaving badly: peeing in bottles, nudity, and legendary “balls” lore
The conversation spirals into comic war stories about bodily functions, backstage survival tactics, and shock-value antics. Ari Shaffir becomes the focal point, followed by a riff on famously outrageous friends’ anatomy.
- 13:52 – 23:43
Bert Kreischer as ‘The Machine’: when your persona consumes you
Joe and Tom discuss how fame can lock a comedian into a character and set of expectations. Bert’s identity as ‘The Machine’ becomes an example of success that also removes freedom—shirt-off, story-required, party image mandatory.
- 23:43 – 25:51
‘I’m Coming Everywhere’ tour: 198 shows, arenas, and why some cities rule
Tom outlines an unusually intense touring schedule and how his routing has expanded from theaters into arenas. They also riff on favorite cities (especially Denver) and what makes a place great for comedy and living.
- 25:51 – 30:50
Homelessness and city policy: Austin cleanup vs LA sprawl
They shift into civic issues, contrasting how different cities handle homelessness. Joe praises Austin’s approach (shelters/hotel purchases) while Tom describes how startling it was to see encampments spread into wealthy LA areas.
- 30:50 – 35:15
LA crime stories, Subway chaos, and ‘bread that isn’t bread’
A discussion about public safety and lax enforcement in LA leads to absurd-but-real headlines. They pivot into food industry weirdness: Subway’s sugary bread rulings, branding spin, and Tom’s personal connection to Jared.
- 35:15 – 1:29:30
Tax loopholes, Forbes obsession, and Trump’s ‘John Barron’ tape
They bounce from international tax maneuvers to how status culture fuels wealth signaling. Tom and Joe share stories about rich people obsessing over rankings, including Trump’s infamous pseudonymous phone calls to shape his image.
- 1:29:30 – 1:45:34
Pharma power, COVID policy backlash, and questions about treatments
Joe lays out his distrust of pharmaceutical incentives, advertising dominance, and liability shields. They cite major settlement cases (Vioxx, Pfizer, GSK) and discuss COVID-era policies, including Paxlovid rebound and alternative treatments Joe trusts.
- 1:45:34 – 2:01:20
Russia, Ukraine, cartels, and borders: from geopolitics to wild documentaries
The conversation jumps globally—Ukraine fading from headlines, cultural stereotypes, and authoritarian leverage. They then move into cartel logistics (subs, Coast Guard interdictions), the surreal US–Mexico beach barrier, and why people seek medical procedures in Tijuana.
- 2:01:20 – 2:31:42
Trans sports, ‘woke’ institutional fear, TikTok surveillance, and the fight over speech
They debate fairness in women’s sports, praising new governing-body restrictions tied to male puberty. The thread broadens into institutional conformity (teachers, entertainment), TikTok’s data pipeline and China as a strategic adversary, and how podcasting functions as a freer speech platform.
- 2:31:42 – 3:11:13
Porn then vs now, monster-movie craft, and Tom’s origin stories (AMW, 9/11, standup, podcasting)
They wrap the episode with cultural riffs—how easy porn is for kids today, why monsters and thrillers are hard to write, and what makes classic practical effects memorable. The final stretch returns to Tom’s book: near-death drug story, finding an injured rider, working at America’s Most Wanted during 9/11, moving to LA, and being pushed into standup and podcasting.
