Joe Rogan Experience #1954 - Bert Kreischer

1. 0:00 – 0:59

   Comedy Mothership hang: Bert’s killer night and “The Machine” chant

   1. NANarrator0:00

      (drum roll) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.

   2. The Joe Rogan Experience.

   3. JRJoe Rogan0:06

      Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night. All day. (rock music) We rolling? Hey, we're up.

   4. BKBert Kreischer0:14

      Yeah.

   5. JRJoe Rogan0:14

      We're up. Doing a little podcast.

   6. BKBert Kreischer0:15

      Oh, what a great fucking night last night was.

   7. JRJoe Rogan0:17

      Fuck yeah, it was.

   8. BKBert Kreischer0:18

      Dude, I c- I'm telling ya, I woke up bubbling.

   9. JRJoe Rogan0:21

      Yeah, I felt so good. And last night was my first, uh, time in a managerial position.

   10. BKBert Kreischer0:27

       (laughs) Yeah.

   11. JRJoe Rogan0:28

       Like I just came to hang out, make sure everything ran smooth for your show. It was wild, like to be at my own club where one of my best friends is headlining, and all my other friends are opening for him.

   12. BKBert Kreischer0:41

       I w-

   13. JRJoe Rogan0:41

       I'm like, "This is amazing."

   14. BKBert Kreischer0:42

       It was a pretty fucking sick lineup. I'm, I'm, like this is what's crazy.

   15. JRJoe Rogan0:45

       (sighs) It's incredible.

   16. BKBert Kreischer0:46

       For... Uh, if you said this 10 years ago, in Austin, Texas, the lineup that was on-

   17. JRJoe Rogan0:51

       I know.

   18. BKBert Kreischer0:51

       ... last night was insane.

   19. JRJoe Rogan0:53

       We've been doing that a lot though. That's what's crazy. Like every... These Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday shows that we've been doing out here, they're just stacked.

2. 0:59 – 2:43

   Ron White surprise cameo and the pressure of following greatness

   1. BKBert Kreischer0:59

      Dude, and then, and then, uh, let's just say highlight of my career, they're telling-

   2. JRJoe Rogan1:04

      (laughs)

   3. BKBert Kreischer1:04

      They're chanting "The Machine," and I go, "I'm not gonna tell it." And they, they start cheering it. And I go, "All right, I'll tell it if Ron White tells his tater salad story."

   4. JRJoe Rogan1:12

      And then he comes on the stage.

   5. BKBert Kreischer1:13

      And, and people didn't even know he was up there.

   6. JRJoe Rogan1:14

      Yes.

   7. BKBert Kreischer1:15

      They go fucking crazy.

   8. JRJoe Rogan1:16

      (laughs)

   9. BKBert Kreischer1:16

      He walks on stage. I FaceTime Leanne. I FaceTime Leanne 'cause it was like Ron's her favorite comic. Guy in the front row's wa- le- r- recording Tom telling tater s- or, sh- shooting Leanne watching it.

   10. JRJoe Rogan1:27

       Yeah.

   11. BKBert Kreischer1:27

       When Leanne's wi-

   12. JRJoe Rogan1:28

       It was amazing.

   13. BKBert Kreischer1:29

       I mean, I, I tell you right now-

   14. JRJoe Rogan1:30

       It was so fun.

   15. BKBert Kreischer1:30

       ... it'll, it'll show you how quick there are holes in your act, 'cause then I was like, "Shi- I don't think I can tell The Machine right after that."

   16. JRJoe Rogan1:36

       I know you were talking about that, but no, The Machine's an amazing story. It's an amazing story. It's just, it's, you're just self-examinating.

   17. BKBert Kreischer1:42

       I could, I could have, I could have sat and broken down what I love about that story for the next 15 minutes. I wo- I could have talked about that story.

   18. JRJoe Rogan1:50

       Yeah. No, you said that on stage. I, I believe it. Yeah, Ron's one of the best storytellers of all time.

   19. BKBert Kreischer1:56

       All times.

   20. JRJoe Rogan1:56

       Having him out here is, uh, it's amazing, 'cause he's like, he's such a, like a (sucks air through teeth) , he's like a, the statesman of comedy, you know?

   21. BKBert Kreischer2:03

       Yeah.

   22. JRJoe Rogan2:03

       Out here. And he's so respected, and he's just, and he's such a good person.

   23. BKBert Kreischer2:07

       He almost made me cry last night.

   24. JRJoe Rogan2:09

       Such a good guy.

   25. BKBert Kreischer2:09

       And at the end of the night, I'm pretty loaded, and he comes up and he was like, uh, he was like, uh, "Thanks for bringing... That was really fun," and, and he goes, "I just came out to watch you tonight." And I was like, "What?" He goes, "Yeah, I came out to watch you. I wa- I'm a fan." And I was like, "Bro, you can't say that." Like, I, that, I fucking killed me. I was like, "You're, that's..." If there's careers that I've looked at and wanted to emulate, it's him, Attell, you know, those guys are the fucking... My goats, you know?

   26. JRJoe Rogan2:35

       (inhales) For sure. I mean, um, everybody loves Ron. Like y- I've never met a comic who doesn't think Ron White's funny.

   27. BKBert Kreischer2:42

       Yeah.

   28. JRJoe Rogan2:42

       They don't exist, you know?

3. 2:43 – 3:54

   Leanne’s comedy tastes: Blue Collar Tour, Steve Harvey obsession, and Family Feud

   1. BKBert Kreischer2:43

      Well, yeah. I don't, I mean, I remember Leanne t- um, Leanne's a redneck, and when the Blue Collar Comedy Tour came out-

   2. JRJoe Rogan2:49

      (laughs)

   3. BKBert Kreischer2:49

      ... on, and she, we went and watched it in Hollywood at the ArcLight.

   4. JRJoe Rogan2:52

      Oh, wow.

   5. BKBert Kreischer2:52

      And she was fucking... Leanne likes two things. (laughs) Blue, (laughs) that Blue Collar Comedy and fucking Steve Harvey.

   6. JRJoe Rogan3:00

      (laughs)

   7. BKBert Kreischer3:00

      Sh- if she's gonna cheat on me, she's gonna fuck Steve Harvey.

   8. JRJoe Rogan3:03

      (laughs)

   9. BKBert Kreischer3:03

      I can guarantee you. She sends me clips of Steve Harvey. Every morning, there's a clip.

   10. JRJoe Rogan3:07

       That's hilarious.

   11. BKBert Kreischer3:08

       For the movie, when the movie's coming out, uh, uh, they asked us to do Family Feud.

   12. JRJoe Rogan3:14

       Oh, wow.

   13. BKBert Kreischer3:14

       (laughs) And now, Leanne has never pushed our girls into anything, but she said, "Illegraes, Christy, you're doing Family Feud."

   14. JRJoe Rogan3:21

       Oh, that's hilarious.

   15. BKBert Kreischer3:21

       "I don't give a fuck what you say." (laughs)

   16. JRJoe Rogan3:23

       Does Steve Harvey know this?

   17. BKBert Kreischer3:24

       No.

   18. JRJoe Rogan3:24

       That your wife has a crush on him?

   19. BKBert Kreischer3:25

       Oh, she has no idea.

   20. JRJoe Rogan3:26

       (laughs)

   21. BKBert Kreischer3:26

       Have you ever se- had, seen Steve Harvey eat? Someone made like collard green, uh, uh, dumplings or something, and (laughs) he goes, takes a bite, and he freezes and he goes... Now I'm having a black people moment right now. (laughs)

   22. JRJoe Rogan3:39

       Ah.

   23. BKBert Kreischer3:39

       He's the fucking greatest. Leanne's obsessed with him.

   24. JRJoe Rogan3:42

       That's funny.

   25. BKBert Kreischer3:43

       But she's like-

   26. JRJoe Rogan3:43

       Those, isn't it funny that no one has done like a movie tour like that since? You know, they had Kings of Comedy, Blue Collar Tour, and then nothing.

   27. BKBert Kreischer3:52

       No.

   28. JRJoe Rogan3:52

       But those were so successful.

4. 3:54 – 7:49

   Fully Loaded tour roster and comedy “beef” culture (Ralph Barbosa/George Lopez)

   1. BKBert Kreischer3:54

      The four people tour is the key. I do Fully Loaded, we bring eight, uh, for Fully Loaded, and like per show, and we menti- we s- we switch it up. Have you heard the lineup this year?

   2. JRJoe Rogan4:05

      No.

   3. BKBert Kreischer4:05

      Lewis Black, Dave Attell, uh, Chad Daniels, Shane Gillis, Mark Normand, Big Jay Oakerson, Dan Soder, Fortune Feimster, Tammy Pescatelli.

   4. JRJoe Rogan4:15

      All on one show?

   5. BKBert Kreischer4:16

      No, no, we split.

   6. JRJoe Rogan4:17

      Oh.

   7. BKBert Kreischer4:17

      Stavros is on it.

   8. JRJoe Rogan4:18

      Oh, wow.

   9. BKBert Kreischer4:19

      We got a fucking sick lineup. It's fucking-

   10. JRJoe Rogan4:23

       Wow.

   11. BKBert Kreischer4:23

       Look at this, look at this fucking-

   12. JRJoe Rogan4:24

       That's amazing.

   13. BKBert Kreischer4:24

       Tiffany Haddish.

   14. JRJoe Rogan4:25

       That's amazing.

   15. BKBert Kreischer4:26

       Jim Norton.

   16. JRJoe Rogan4:27

       That's amazing.

   17. BKBert Kreischer4:28

       Jay Pharoah, Rosebud, Ralph Barbosa. Dude.

   18. JRJoe Rogan4:32

       That's amazing.

   19. BKBert Kreischer4:33

       Yeah, this fucking lineup is.

   20. JRJoe Rogan4:34

       I just found out about Ralph Barbosa. He's a funny dude.

   21. BKBert Kreischer4:37

       He's real funny.

   22. JRJoe Rogan4:38

       I just, I watched some of his clips, and then I found out that there was some sort of a thing with George Lopez.

   23. BKBert Kreischer4:43

       (laughs)

   24. JRJoe Rogan4:44

       And then so I had a, the little bitch in me started watching some-

   25. BKBert Kreischer4:48

       (laughs) I watched it all too. (laughs)

   26. JRJoe Rogan4:49

       Some fucking beef with George Lopez and Ralph Barbosa. That shit makes me sad. I don't like that st- stupid shit like that.

   27. BKBert Kreischer4:57

       I don't like beef. I don't-

   28. JRJoe Rogan4:58

       I don't like nonsense beef. Like, that, that's the dumbest kinda beef. Like some young guy coming up beef? Like you don't like... And it, uh, I think it's just a misunderstanding, and I think Lopez called him up and...

   29. BKBert Kreischer5:09

       Oh, did he?

   30. JRJoe Rogan5:09

       Yeah, yeah. I guess they talked on the phone or something like that. That's hilarious that I know about this silly comedy beef, but... Dude, he's funny anyway. Barbosa's a funny dude.
5. 7:49 – 9:26

   Comedy tribes, moving cities, and the importance of the hang

   1. JRJoe Rogan7:49

      Oh, he wants to move out here.

   2. BKBert Kreischer7:51

      Does he? He doesn't-

   3. JRJoe Rogan7:52

      Yeah.

   4. BKBert Kreischer7:52

      He's like a fucking vagabond. He's-

   5. JRJoe Rogan7:54

      But he's gotta have a tribe. You know, a lot of these guys, they, like, they didn't understand what was anchoring them in LA. And one of the things that was anchoring them in LA was that we had a tribe.

   6. BKBert Kreischer8:05

      Yeah.

   7. JRJoe Rogan8:05

      We would all get together at the store. We'd all hang out in that back bar. We'd all have fun together. We'd all laugh and joke and fuck around, and then we'd see each other's sets, and we'd talk to each other about comedy and shit. You know, Theo's ... He's out alone now in Nashville, you know?

   8. BKBert Kreischer8:19

      What's he doing in Nashville?

   9. JRJoe Rogan8:20

      He just decided he, he had to get the fuck out of LA for his mental health, and so he wanted to be, like, a more laid back place.

   10. BKBert Kreischer8:27

       Man.

   11. JRJoe Rogan8:27

       And Nashville clicked with him.

   12. BKBert Kreischer8:28

       He is all over my algorithm.

   13. JRJoe Rogan8:31

       Is he?

   14. BKBert Kreischer8:31

       He shows up, and it's, it's gay dudes, boat crashes-

   15. JRJoe Rogan8:36

       (laughs)

   16. BKBert Kreischer8:36

       ... and Theo.

   17. JRJoe Rogan8:38

       With me, it's girls with giant asses doing squats.

   18. BKBert Kreischer8:42

       (laughs)

   19. JRJoe Rogan8:42

       It's all, like, CrossFit ladies-

   20. BKBert Kreischer8:43

       Dude-

   21. JRJoe Rogan8:44

       ... with six packs. (laughs)

   22. BKBert Kreischer8:45

       Uh, those girls, those girls w- can inspire me to work out.

   23. JRJoe Rogan8:48

       Yeah, yeah. That's what I like.

   24. BKBert Kreischer8:48

       There's something about a fucking jacked chick with big thighs.

   25. JRJoe Rogan8:51

       Yeah, that's what I like.

   26. BKBert Kreischer8:52

       My God.

   27. JRJoe Rogan8:53

       I like a gal who can help you move a couch.

   28. BKBert Kreischer8:55

       (laughs)

   29. JRJoe Rogan8:55

       That's what I like. I like them sturdy.

   30. BKBert Kreischer8:58

       There's a g- there's a-
6. 9:26 – 12:12

   Generational gaps: dating, comedy references, and why kids don’t share cultural touchstones

   1. JRJoe Rogan9:26

      Yeah, I ... Like, imagine dating a girl who's 20 now.

   2. BKBert Kreischer9:29

      Oh.

   3. JRJoe Rogan9:29

      Like, what? What are you talking about?

   4. BKBert Kreischer9:31

      Yeah.

   5. JRJoe Rogan9:31

      Like, when I see Leonardo DiCaprio going out with a 19-year-old, I'm like, "Bro, what do you talk about?"

   6. BKBert Kreischer9:37

      Yeah, what ... I mean-

   7. JRJoe Rogan9:38

      What do you talk about? Unless it's she's the most genius, brilliant, world-traveled, nuanced-

   8. BKBert Kreischer9:46

      Dude, my assistant's 25, and I'll say things to him, and he'll go, "I have no idea what you're talking about."

   9. JRJoe Rogan9:51

      (laughs)

   10. BKBert Kreischer9:51

       Like, he referenced a movie, like Ace Ventura, and he's like, "Uh, uh, what is that?"

   11. JRJoe Rogan9:55

       Right.

   12. BKBert Kreischer9:56

       "Jim Carrey? Who is ... I don't know who that is."

   13. JRJoe Rogan9:57

       Well, Jim Norton was on stage last night, and he had a Three Stooges reference, and no one laughed.

   14. BKBert Kreischer10:01

       (laughs)

   15. JRJoe Rogan10:01

       I'm like, "Jim, you're 55."

   16. BKBert Kreischer10:03

       (laughs)

   17. JRJoe Rogan10:05

       Like, these people do not know (clapping) who the fuck Three Stooges is. Why don't you just say Laurel and Hardy?

   18. BKBert Kreischer10:10

       Yeah.

   19. JRJoe Rogan10:10

       Like, go even d- deeper into the old school comedy people.

   20. BKBert Kreischer10:14

       Yeah, I c- I couldn't live in that, I couldn't live that life where you couldn't make references to the things you grew up on, you know?

   21. JRJoe Rogan10:19

       Well, you can. You know? It's like the, like, Dennis Miller always used to have references that nobody knew what the fuck he was saying-

   22. BKBert Kreischer10:25

       But we always-

   23. JRJoe Rogan10:26

       ... and you'd catch up.

   24. BKBert Kreischer10:26

       Yeah, but we g- I don't ... Like, th- there ... It seems like the gap of, of experience and what we know is, has, has gotten so closer, where it wasn't that way. That my, my ... I feel like my dad and I still knew all the st- same references, whereas my daughter and I do not. They don't know anything that I've ever lived or experienced. And then they'll say things to me like, "Have you ever heard of the band Tool?" And I'm like, "Are you being fucking serious?"

   25. JRJoe Rogan10:52

       (laughs)

   26. BKBert Kreischer10:52

       "Are you being serious? I buy the guys' fucking wine. You kidding me?"

   27. JRJoe Rogan10:55

       Ugh.

   28. BKBert Kreischer10:55

       And then, like, um, the other day, Isla said to me, uh, "Uh, have, have you ever heard of Alice in Chains?" And I'm like, "Yeah. That was, like, what I went to college to." But I d- but I knew clear- Creedence Clearwater Revival. I knew the Shawnna songs. I knew all the stuff my dad listened to. I knew Sam Cooke.

   29. JRJoe Rogan11:14

       Yeah.

   30. BKBert Kreischer11:14

       I knew those songs. My daughters have no fucking clue of any of that.
7. 12:12 – 16:53

   Car timelines and modern speed: classic nostalgia to Tesla acceleration

   1. JRJoe Rogan12:12

      When I was in high school, okay? (sniffs)

   2. BKBert Kreischer12:14

      What year were you in high school?

   3. JRJoe Rogan12:15

      1981 was my freshman year in high school. And my freshman year in high school, I remember there was a guy in my neighborhood, um, that had a 1955 Chevy. It was this fucking awesome car, this awesome '55 black Chevy that was, like, in mint condition. And I remember thinking, "Wow, that car is so fucking old."

   4. BKBert Kreischer12:40

      (laughs)

   5. JRJoe Rogan12:40

      Isn't that wild?

   6. BKBert Kreischer12:41

      Yeah.

   7. JRJoe Rogan12:42

      But that car was only 15 years old.

   8. BKBert Kreischer12:45

      Wow.

   9. JRJoe Rogan12:46

      That's what's-

   10. BKBert Kreischer12:46

       Oh, wow.

   11. JRJoe Rogan12:46

       ... crazy.

   12. BKBert Kreischer12:47

       Yeah.

   13. JRJoe Rogan12:47

       That's what's crazy. If you, if you think now about, like, a 15-year-old car, like, I have a 15-year-old car. I have a 2007 Porsche. I love that car.

   14. BKBert Kreischer12:57

       Yeah.

   15. JRJoe Rogan12:57

       I drive it all the time. But that car's old as fuck, man. Like, in that world, like to kids, when I was in high school, that, like, a, a '55 Chevy was, like, this old classic. Well, that's what my car is. Like the wor- the timelines.

   16. BKBert Kreischer13:13

       That's crazy.

   17. JRJoe Rogan13:13

       The timelines are weird now.

   18. BKBert Kreischer13:15

       'Cause now you look at, like, my favorite car is th- uh, '72 El Dorado, the convertible Cadillac, and that's fucking 50 years old.

   19. JRJoe Rogan13:22

       By the way, I'm, I'm off by 10 years. It's a 25-year-old car.

   20. NANarrator13:25

       25, yeah.

   21. JRJoe Rogan13:26

       Uh, what, yeah, what I'm thinking about is, uh, that and, um, my mom had a 1970 Barracuda. This is where I'm fucking it up in my head. My mom had a 1970 Barracuda when I was in high school, and all my friends were in loved, in love with it. They were like, "Oh, my God." They would see my mom's car. "That's your mom's car?" This is insane, 'cause a 1971 Barracuda was, uh, like, it had, like, these grille, the front grille looked like a fish, like almost like gills. Like, look at that car.

   22. BKBert Kreischer13:53

       God dammit.

   23. JRJoe Rogan13:54

       My mom had one of those-

   24. BKBert Kreischer13:55

       Jesus.

   25. JRJoe Rogan13:56

       ... in 1981. So I was a freshman in high school, and my mom had had it for quite a while. But, like, that car in 1981 was only 10 years old. It was only 10 years old. So that's a 2013 car. A 2013 car is indistinguishable-

   26. BKBert Kreischer14:17

       Yeah.

   27. JRJoe Rogan14:17

       ... from a 2023 car. Like, if you see a, a 2013-

   28. BKBert Kreischer14:20

       Oh, yeah, that, yeah.

   29. JRJoe Rogan14:20

       ... Lexus, like, they're the same. But that to, to, to everybody back then, "Ah, '72 Cadillac."

   30. BKBert Kreischer14:26

       Look at that fucking car. Look at that fucking car.
8. 16:53 – 20:21

   EV racing and the loss of engine sound: NASCAR/F1 as spectacle

   1. BKBert Kreischer16:53

      No, but how come that doesn't, uh, translate over to F1 and NASCAR? Why are NASCAR still u- what, I mean, will there be a Na- a NASCAR electric series at one point?

   2. JRJoe Rogan17:02

      It would be wild if it was, but they would lose all that sound. I think that's part of-

   3. BKBert Kreischer17:06

      It would be s-

   4. JRJoe Rogan17:06

      ... the thing that people like.

   5. BKBert Kreischer17:07

      Can you imagine?

   6. JRJoe Rogan17:07

      Wow, wow.

   7. BKBert Kreischer17:09

      Can you imagine going to a... When Tom and I went to the Daytona 500 and, uh, i- i- it, can you imagine it being silent?

   8. JRJoe Rogan17:15

      All you would hear is the chatter of the fans.

   9. BKBert Kreischer17:18

      That would be so-

   10. JRJoe Rogan17:20

       Just-

   11. BKBert Kreischer17:20

       ... fucking creepy.

   12. JRJoe Rogan17:21

       ... dumb conversations.

   13. BKBert Kreischer17:22

       It's like, have you ever seen How I Met Your Mother without the laugh track on?

   14. JRJoe Rogan17:25

       No, but I have seen Big Bang Theory without the laugh, yeah.

   15. BKBert Kreischer17:27

       Oh, that's it. That's it. That's the one, that's the one I meant.

   16. JRJoe Rogan17:28

       It's rough.

   17. BKBert Kreischer17:30

       (laughs) It's fucking-

   18. JRJoe Rogan17:30

       It's rough. People would get bummed out. I think NASCAR is like, uh, it's a American tradition that's based on moonshine runners.

   19. BKBert Kreischer17:38

       Yeah.

   20. JRJoe Rogan17:38

       So it's, like, fun. Like, it's fuck- like, you go to NASCAR, you wanna hear the bah. Like, if it was electric, it would seem like it's over. It seems like it's over.

   21. BKBert Kreischer17:47

       Are the F1 cars, are the F1 cars loud?

   22. JRJoe Rogan17:50

       Yeah, they're loud as fuck. Yeah, they're loud as fuck.

   23. BKBert Kreischer17:53

       I mean, but com- comparatively speaking, 'cause I know my sister has a, a Le- what's the Teslan- Tesla.

   24. JRJoe Rogan18:00

       Tesla.

   25. BKBert Kreischer18:00

       Tesla.

   26. JRJoe Rogan18:01

       Yeah.

   27. BKBert Kreischer18:01

       And, uh, those things, I mean, that's, like-

   28. JRJoe Rogan18:03

       Silent.

   29. BKBert Kreischer18:03

       ... scary fast.

   30. JRJoe Rogan18:04

       Yeah, ridiculously fast.
9. 20:21 – 37:38

   Bank collapses, panic psychology, and dictator obsessions

   1. JRJoe Rogan20:21

      ... a, yeah. By the way, w- money might be fake now. Money might be falling apart, right?

   2. BKBert Kreischer20:25

      Oh, we have bank-

   3. JRJoe Rogan20:26

      How many, how many banks have collapsed now?

   4. NANarrator20:27

      We got-

   5. BKBert Kreischer20:28

      Wait, that's happening today?

   6. NANarrator20:29

      Sorta. I don't know, I was trying to follow up before we started.

   7. JRJoe Rogan20:31

      How many banks have collapsed? It's very l- at least two, correct?

   8. NANarrator20:33

      Uh, there was at least two, it might've been three. And I don't know what happened today with the...

   9. BKBert Kreischer20:38

      I was on a plane with a guy who was talking about this yesterday.

   10. JRJoe Rogan20:40

       Yeah.

   11. BKBert Kreischer20:41

       So it's, so the Silicon Valley one collapsed, right?

   12. JRJoe Rogan20:44

       Yeah.

   13. BKBert Kreischer20:45

       And so a bunch of Silicon Valley-

   14. JRJoe Rogan20:46

       Yeah.

   15. BKBert Kreischer20:47

       This is like 2008 all over again.

   16. JRJoe Rogan20:49

       I don't know. See, this is part of the problem with being financially ignorant, which is, I am, I don't know, and also being friends with Alex Jones, which I am. Which is fucked, so I get fucking (laughs) -

   17. BKBert Kreischer21:00

       (laughs)

   18. JRJoe Rogan21:00

       ... I get all these videos about-

   19. BKBert Kreischer21:02

       Perfect storm.

   20. JRJoe Rogan21:03

       ... fucking prepect, prepare yourself, it's the end of the world.

   21. BKBert Kreischer21:06

       (laughs)

   22. JRJoe Rogan21:06

       I'm like, "Oh no, Alex, why you freaking me out?"

   23. BKBert Kreischer21:09

       (laughs)

   24. JRJoe Rogan21:11

       Yeah.

   25. BKBert Kreischer21:11

       I, uh, yeah, I- I saw, I was on a plane with this one guy yesterday, and he said that today's a big day. That it's, it's coming down, where everyone's gonna f- finding out if the fucking thing collapses or if we get bailed out.

   26. JRJoe Rogan21:22

       Well, apparently there was a big, uh, run on the banks today too, and people were showing up at the banks trying to withdraw money, which scares the fuck out of people when that kinda stuff happens.

   27. BKBert Kreischer21:32

       That's how Hitler became fucking prime minister or whatever, dictator, is he fucking... I've, I've been watching this thing How to, How to Make a Dictator on, uh, Netflix. Have you seen it? Oh, it's fucking awesome. I am so obsessed with history podcasts and history dictators and whatnot. Do you know who Turkmenbashi is?

   28. JRJoe Rogan21:51

       No.

   29. BKBert Kreischer21:51

       Are you f-... Joe, this is the most fascinating fucking guy in history, right? So Turkmenistan, I think is the name of the country, was part of the USSR, and when the USSR collapsed, he got it. This, this guy who was just a premier and worked, you know, uh, he got the whole country. And he went around and changed rules like fucking crazy. He was a, a dictator, but he was like, he added months so that he didn't get old faster.

   30. JRJoe Rogan22:18

       (laughs)
10. 37:38 – 40:20

    Jordan Peterson’s viral retweet mishap and internet meme power

    1. BKBert Kreischer37:38

       I had to set up a ... You, you've made me f- start a new fucking Twitter account 'cause of something.

    2. JRJoe Rogan37:43

       (laughs)

    3. BKBert Kreischer37:43

       I've been off Twitter for like a year and I had to b- ... Because you sent me something about Jordan Peterson. (laughs)

    4. JRJoe Rogan37:48

       That Chinese dick sucking factory?

    5. BKBert Kreischer37:49

       Yeah. And I had to, I had to sign up for a new-

    6. JRJoe Rogan37:51

       Is that real?

    7. BKBert Kreischer37:51

       ... Twitter account.

    8. NANarrator37:52

       Yes. Yeah.

    9. JRJoe Rogan37:52

       Do we know if that's real? I thought it was beeple. I looked at it. I ... Did they delete it off of Instagram or off of, uh, Twitter? So, uh, Jordan tweets this thing and it's, uh, these guys are lying on hospital beds in some lab somewhere-

    10. BKBert Kreischer38:08

        Ugh.

    11. JRJoe Rogan38:08

        ... with like a robot sucking their dick and they have like COVID masks on, they're just lying on their back-

    12. BKBert Kreischer38:12

        (laughs)

    13. JRJoe Rogan38:12

        ... with their pants off. And I ... So, I sent it to these guys that Jor- that Jordan Peterson actually tweeted it. I'm gonna might have to check in on Jordan.

    14. BKBert Kreischer38:20

        That was a good podcast with you and Jordan recently.

    15. JRJoe Rogan38:21

        Oh, my God. The last one when he was on fire.

    16. BKBert Kreischer38:23

        He was on fire.

    17. JRJoe Rogan38:24

        He's on fire.

    18. BKBert Kreischer38:25

        I don't have that brain.

    19. JRJoe Rogan38:26

        Well-

    20. BKBert Kreischer38:26

        I always want, I always want, uh, like I always want my viral clips to be ... I like w- ... 'Cause you don't get to pick what goes viral for you. Like you got badass viral clips where you're like, uh, you know, like, uh, "Be the person, be the hero in the story you wanna be." You know? My v- viral clips are me laughing at fucking people falling down. Me laughing.

    21. JRJoe Rogan38:44

        Well, I have those too. Me and Theo have a bunch of those.

    22. BKBert Kreischer38:46

        Theo is, Theo's great. Mine are legit just me laughing.

    23. JRJoe Rogan38:51

        Yeah.

    24. BKBert Kreischer38:51

        Just if, if I can get ... If I can laugh, it goes, it goes viral. There's a pic-

    25. JRJoe Rogan38:57

        Mm-hmm.

    26. BKBert Kreischer38:57

        There's a video of me and my dad putting a pizza in a pizza oven. Have you seen it?

    27. JRJoe Rogan39:01

        Yes.

    28. BKBert Kreischer39:02

        It's ... 'Cause it went viral on TikTok.

    29. JRJoe Rogan39:04

        (laughs)

    30. BKBert Kreischer39:04

        And I'm like, I'm not even in the goddamn video. I'm not ev- ... It's just me and him laughing. And we have ... And apparently we have the exact same laugh. We talk, we go, "Whe." That's the fucking disk.
11. 40:20 – 48:44

    BDSM, sex toys, and the anatomy of extreme kinks (butt plugs, machines, dominatrix stories)

    1. JRJoe Rogan40:20

       Can you imagine trusting a robot on your dick? Like, what if it breaks?

    2. BKBert Kreischer40:24

       Oh, no, I've done it.

    3. JRJoe Rogan40:24

       What if it goes wrong?

    4. BKBert Kreischer40:25

       I've done it.

    5. JRJoe Rogan40:25

       Have you?

    6. BKBert Kreischer40:25

       Yeah, of course.

    7. JRJoe Rogan40:26

       With that?

    8. BKBert Kreischer40:26

       No. N- not that thing, but I've had the ... There's a blowjob thing that-

    9. JRJoe Rogan40:29

       That thing looks too strong.

    10. BKBert Kreischer40:30

        Tom and I got a bunch of sex toys for two bears to try them out and, uh, the only ones we tried out were the anal ... We did butt plugs and, uh-

    11. JRJoe Rogan40:39

        Put them in your own butt?

    12. BKBert Kreischer40:39

        Well, we tried. It's really hard to get a butt plug-

    13. JRJoe Rogan40:41

        (laughs)

    14. BKBert Kreischer40:41

        ... in your ass. You'd be shocked. (laughs) It's ... I think, I think I can get them-

    15. JRJoe Rogan40:45

        Some gals have begged to differ.

    16. BKBert Kreischer40:47

        I, I ... Dude, I don't know how they do it. I think you gotta have someone put a butt plug in your ass 'cause I don't think you-

    17. JRJoe Rogan40:52

        Could do it yourself?

    18. BKBert Kreischer40:52

        Uh, it's too hard. I mean, both of us tried pretty aggressively.

    19. JRJoe Rogan40:55

        Oh.

    20. BKBert Kreischer40:56

        But, but one of the things we got-

    21. JRJoe Rogan40:58

        (laughs)

    22. BKBert Kreischer40:58

        One of the things we got was a blowjob machine. It's like a ... It's a electronic blowjob machine.

    23. JRJoe Rogan41:04

        Somebody mentioned that on the podcast once, right? In the ... Didn't they send us some? And we're like, "Get the fuck out of here with this thing."

    24. NANarrator41:10

        We have s- yeah, we have something out there.

    25. JRJoe Rogan41:11

        Yeah.

    26. NANarrator41:12

        Do you wanna try it?

    27. JRJoe Rogan41:13

        No, we don't wanna try.

    28. NANarrator41:14

        (laughs)

    29. BKBert Kreischer41:14

        I mean, ha- bring it in. Let's see what it-

    30. JRJoe Rogan41:15

        This is huge.
12. 48:44 – 53:27

    Gangbang documentaries to relationship boundaries: ‘Annabel Chong’ and discussing sexual history

    1. JRJoe Rogan48:44

       There was a doc- I was- I wanted to bring this up earlier 'cause I forgot about it. There was a documentary that they did about this woman who participated in 100-man gangbang. It was, like, an open public gangbang, and she was very intelligent. Like, a very smart person who was, like, a college student at the time. Like, an, uh, an Asian lady, if I remember correctly.

    2. BKBert Kreischer49:08

       Really?

    3. JRJoe Rogan49:08

       Yeah. And she, you know, was kind of relaying what it was like to have all these people inside of her and talking about the fingernails scratching her. 'Cause there was just men off the street that participated in these gangbangs. Like, guys could just sign up and fuck this famous porn star.

    4. BKBert Kreischer49:26

       What, but what, I mean, I, I'm just- help, from a health way.

    5. JRJoe Rogan49:29

       How many of those? Oh, it's just craziness. I don't understand it.

    6. BKBert Kreischer49:31

       She's getting herpes.

    7. JRJoe Rogan49:32

       But there was th- there's this thing that was going on for a while, where there were, there was records to see, like, who had the biggest gangbang. There was another woman who was, like, in competition with her at first. Remember that?

    8. NANarrator49:46

       I remember the Houston 500.

    9. JRJoe Rogan49:47

       That's right.

    10. BKBert Kreischer49:48

        Houston 500.

    11. JRJoe Rogan49:50

        Houston... I think she-

    12. NANarrator49:50

        She ended up being 600, I think, is what at the end of the day.

    13. BKBert Kreischer49:52

        600 men?

    14. JRJoe Rogan49:53

        She fucked, like, 600 different men.

    15. NANarrator49:55

        (laughs) yeah.

    16. JRJoe Rogan49:56

        Yeah. Over a period of, like, many, many hours.

    17. NANarrator49:58

        Yeah.

    18. JRJoe Rogan49:58

        But, uh, I think this other woman did a gangbang movie. See if you can find that movie.

    19. BKBert Kreischer50:04

        Can I see, can I see what she looks like?

    20. JRJoe Rogan50:05

        'Cause it was a movie about it.

    21. NANarrator50:06

        The Houston 500 was the s- the s- uh, the-

    22. JRJoe Rogan50:09

        Right, but that's not the one with the smart lady.

    23. NANarrator50:11

        Okay.

    24. JRJoe Rogan50:11

        The smart lady was, uh, there was a, a documentary about an Asian porn star who did a massive gangbang, but there's like... It just, it was just weird because they, like, if I remember it correctly, it was quite a long time ago, like 20 years ago, but they were talking to her about it, like, what was it, the experience like, and I was like-

    25. NANarrator50:31

        I think this is.

    26. JRJoe Rogan50:32

        Yes.

    27. BKBert Kreischer50:32

        Is this her?

    28. JRJoe Rogan50:32

        Annabel Chong, that's it.

    29. NANarrator50:34

        Yeah, um...

    30. BKBert Kreischer50:35

        Why?
13. 53:27 – 1:00:47

    Craft talk: building a new hour, arena timing, and why tours vs home life hit differently

    1. JRJoe Rogan53:27

       Yeah. Well, that's the cool thing about watching a whole new hour get launched, you know, because-

    2. BKBert Kreischer53:31

       'Cause I just go, I go up like a, like a fire hose and just start trying, like, as ideas come to me-

    3. JRJoe Rogan53:36

       Yeah.

    4. BKBert Kreischer53:36

       ... I'm just, like, spitting them out, spitting them out, spitting them out. But no real-

    5. JRJoe Rogan53:38

       But that was what was so cool was to watch you navigate through that process, like, and knowing that it, what... But also, everyone there to see you do it. So it was fun.

    6. BKBert Kreischer53:47

       I thought-

    7. JRJoe Rogan53:47

       I saw Christina do that too. She did it at The Creek.

    8. BKBert Kreischer53:50

       Really?

    9. JRJoe Rogan53:50

       It was right after her Netflix special. She went up to The Creek with notes and fucked around. It was fun.

    10. BKBert Kreischer53:55

        It's, it's interesting because I, that is the standup I used to do before I started doing bigger venues. When I first did my first theater, Tommy called me, and he was like, "It's, it's gotta be a little more structured. You'll see, but it needs to be a little more structured." And I didn't understand what he was talking about, and I realized, it can be fun, it can be wild, but you, you can't... Any of the club cheat codes that we have-

    11. JRJoe Rogan54:15

        Mm-hmm.

    12. BKBert Kreischer54:16

        ... we can, there's, I don't know if... I c- I, you can't explain this to everyone, but there's some cheat codes you can get in the club to, like, muscle your way through a bit that you can't get in a theater.

    13. JRJoe Rogan54:24

        Exactly.

    14. BKBert Kreischer54:24

        And you definitely can't do it in an arena.

    15. JRJoe Rogan54:26

        Right. Yeah, there's an intimacy in the club that makes fucking around a different thing. You can't fuck around like that when you're doing 15,000 people. It's just too weird.

    16. BKBert Kreischer54:35

        It's, it doesn't make sense, and the, and you can't go fast when you're doing an arena because-

    17. JRJoe Rogan54:40

        Right.

    18. BKBert Kreischer54:40

        ... for the f- I, I tell it to everyone. When, the first arena show you do, take your time.

    19. JRJoe Rogan54:45

        Yeah.

    20. BKBert Kreischer54:45

        Because it's gotta get all the way back there, and then it's gotta be, get back all the way up here.

    21. JRJoe Rogan54:49

        Arena timing's different.

    22. BKBert Kreischer54:50

        Yeah.

    23. JRJoe Rogan54:50

        Isn't that funny?

    24. BKBert Kreischer54:51

        It's, I-

    25. JRJoe Rogan54:51

        You have to talk about arena timing?

    26. BKBert Kreischer54:53

        I-

    27. JRJoe Rogan54:53

        Did you ever think of that? While you're on the Travel Channel, you'll be talking about arena timing? (laughs)

    28. BKBert Kreischer54:58

        (laughs) ... if you told me-

    29. JRJoe Rogan55:01

        (laughs) Arena dining.

    30. BKBert Kreischer55:02

        ... if you told me, I would, I would never imagine that I'd be where I am today when I first did this podcast. Like, the first day I did this podcast, and I got in the car with Red Band and I had 3,000 followers on Twitter.
14. 1:00:47 – 1:07:25

    Success, gratitude, and the discipline loop: health as the foundation

    1. JRJoe Rogan1:00:47

       Well, the key is now, with the success that you have, is recognizing that there is no destination. That's what's important.

    2. BKBert Kreischer1:00:54

       There's none.

    3. JRJoe Rogan1:00:54

       Because this thought that you're gonna get somewhere and it's all gonna make sense, no. What, what happens is your motivation shifts. Your motivation shifts from this undesiro- this, this unstoppable desire to make it, then your motivation sh- should shift to doing the best work that you can.

    4. BKBert Kreischer1:01:13

       That was my, my-

    5. JRJoe Rogan1:01:14

       Yeah.

    6. BKBert Kreischer1:01:14

       Last night, last... I'm, I'm, I don't get-... and nervous going on stage, but very seldomly do I prepare, like, prepare, where I go, "Let's think very thoughtfully about what we wanna... Let's, let's turn this into a job and let's work." And last night, I sat down before dinner with you and I wrote every new idea I had down, and I said, "I got my book. I'm gonna... I remember a lot of them I wanna do, but I'm, I'm gonna make sure I hit all of them." Because I was like, there's a chance that, like, Jim Norton... I didn't know Jim would be there, but, like, there's a chance that J- I know that you'll be there. And I go, "These are my peers and I wanna make sure they know that I'm working." Does that make sense?

    7. JRJoe Rogan1:01:50

       Mm-hmm. Yeah.

    8. BKBert Kreischer1:01:50

       The second you see your peers stop working, and I won't say their names, but we've seen them.

    9. JRJoe Rogan1:01:54

       Yeah.

    10. BKBert Kreischer1:01:54

        The big comics that just phone it in and-

    11. JRJoe Rogan1:01:56

        Yeah.

    12. BKBert Kreischer1:01:56

        ... and, and, and I go... And I was very thoughtful in my approach to doing standup last night, 'cause I was like, I, I was like, I was like, "That's, that's when it goes away is when you just, when you stop giving a fuck, you stop bringing around the joke book and-"

    13. JRJoe Rogan1:02:08

        That's with everything in life. That's when your marriage fucks up. That's when your friendships fuck up. That's when you're a bad neighbor. That's when you're a bad dad. That's when you're bad at your job. It's, it's when you suck at a sport. You know? I mean, s- a l- a lot of things in life is whether or not you appreciate them, is being in the m- and, and recognizing. Like, when we were kids, when we were starting out doing standup, the idea that making a living doing standup was crazy. Like-

    14. BKBert Kreischer1:02:37

        (laughs)

    15. JRJoe Rogan1:02:37

        ... uh, we always had jobs, right? Everybody had jobs in the beginning. So you're like, "M- imagine if I could only pay my bills through comedy. That's insane." And then-

    16. BKBert Kreischer1:02:45

        That was my, that was it. That was the goal.

    17. JRJoe Rogan1:02:46

        ... when you get there, then you're like-

    18. BKBert Kreischer1:02:47

        Yeah.

    19. JRJoe Rogan1:02:47

        ... "Oh, how come he's got an HBO special-"

    20. BKBert Kreischer1:02:50

        Yeah.

    21. JRJoe Rogan1:02:50

        "... and I don't have an HBO special?" It's like, it's so easy to get caught up in the stupid parts and just not appreciate it. Not appreciate... Appreciate your health. Not appreciate... Like, that's the feeling that I always get if I ever get sick, is that feeling when I get sick, like, "Oh, my God. This is terrible. I am gonna appreciate health so much more as soon as I get better."

    22. BKBert Kreischer1:03:13

        Dude.

    23. JRJoe Rogan1:03:13

        'Cause when you feel, like, run down and tired and weak, and you're like, "Oh, no," what is it? What an awful feeling. Like, I have to recognize that my health is a fucking... It's of utmost priority. You gotta be healthy. And don't just think about it when you get sick, because when you're healthy, you think about all kinds of stupid shit. You don't think about, "Make sure you don't get sick." But when you're sick, you're like, "Oh, my God. I've gotta get healthy." Nothing matters until you're healthy. If someone could say, "Look, you could stay sick for the rest of your life, but you never have to work again, you're gonna have, uh, unlimited income, but you're gonna feel like absolute dog shit every day," you'd be like, "No."

    24. BKBert Kreischer1:03:55

        Yeah.

    25. JRJoe Rogan1:03:55

        "No. That's not a life. That's not life."

    26. BKBert Kreischer1:03:58

        No.

    27. JRJoe Rogan1:03:59

        Life is when you're healthy. And no one thinks like that when they're healthy, 'cause when you're healthy, you just think about stupid shit. Like, "Why don't I have the car that I want? Why, why does she have those shoes and I don't? Why is this and that?" And you just caught, caught up in your own fucking head.

    28. BKBert Kreischer1:04:15

        Dude, what's so... I woke up this morning. We, well, I partied pretty hard last night, but, uh, I woke up this morning and I, I, I w- and I, I was wondering what your motivation was, 'cause I woke up and I had slept on my hand and so my, my hand was asleep-

    29. JRJoe Rogan1:04:29

        (groans)

    30. BKBert Kreischer1:04:30

        ... in the morning, so I was like, "I had a stroke." (laughs)

Episode duration: 3:22:58