Joe Rogan Experience #1990 - Bert Kreischer

1. 0:00 – 1:46

   Friendship, gratitude, and the ‘rising tide’ of comedy circles

   1. JRJoe Rogan0:00

      (drum roll) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.

   2. NANarrator0:04

      The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. (rock music)

   3. JRJoe Rogan0:12

      My man, Eric Kreischer, I love you to death.

   4. BKBert Kreischer0:15

      Brother, (glasses clink) I love you way more than you'll ever love me, and you know that. I told you that last night.

   5. JRJoe Rogan0:19

      (smacks lips) That's a ridiculous thing to say to a person.

   6. BKBert Kreischer0:23

      You changed my life immeasurably.

   7. JRJoe Rogan0:25

      You changed mine, too. We changed each other's lives.

   8. BKBert Kreischer0:27

      (coughs)

   9. JRJoe Rogan0:28

      We really did.

   10. BKBert Kreischer0:29

       I don't know...

   11. JRJoe Rogan0:30

       It's so that I- I just get m- too much credit. It's o- all of us. It's like w- we did it all together. We all did it together. Without good friends, n- nobody i- uh, really succeeds-

   12. BKBert Kreischer0:42

       Yeah.

   13. JRJoe Rogan0:42

       ... 'cause you don't, you don't appreciate it if it's just you. It's not f- it s- it doesn't seem fair. It seems all fucked up. So-

   14. BKBert Kreischer0:51

       I s- I, I, I keep saying to people, you gotta surround yourselves with the motherfuckers.

   15. JRJoe Rogan0:56

       Yes.

   16. BKBert Kreischer0:56

       Like, you g- you got- are you b- if you're talking about your friends as if you're the top dog, then you're with the wrong dudes.

   17. JRJoe Rogan1:02

       Right.

   18. BKBert Kreischer1:02

       Someone said to me, "You're always talking like you're not a great comic, that your friends are so much better." I go, "They are. Look at who my fucking friends are. Are you fucking kidding me?" Like, my friends, I surround, I'm s- I surround myself by people that are way better than me, and then I just listen. I don't a lot, not listen a lot, but...

   19. JRJoe Rogan1:17

       We all rise up together. It's a old expression that the rising tide raises all boats. It really does. It's just f- it's good for everybody. It's like, you want killers around. Like, we got into this 'cause we- we love comedy-

   20. BKBert Kreischer1:33

       Yeah.

   21. JRJoe Rogan1:33

       ... and now we're in it. And when you're in it, it's so scary, and it's so weird, and it's so chaotic. And, and people are comparing themselves to other people, and it causes all this totally unnecessary conflict.

   22. BKBert Kreischer1:45

       Yeah.

2. 1:46 – 2:55

   Comedy jealousy, old-school sabotage, and why it’s better now

   1. JRJoe Rogan1:46

      And if you just remember why you got in it in the first place, you got in it in the first place 'cause you love to watch it, and then you did it, and then you got selfish, and you started thinking about yourself. You started thinking about, "I wanna kill," and, "I wanna be better," and, "I wanna be the number one person."

   2. BKBert Kreischer2:00

      Watch them where other people are in their career.

   3. JRJoe Rogan2:02

      Mm-hmm.

   4. BKBert Kreischer2:02

      And how come I don't have a 30-minute, half-hour special? Ugh.

   5. JRJoe Rogan2:04

      And people get upset with people that they really don't have any conflict with in real life, but in their mind, they associate that person with something negative because they feel bad when they think about them 'cause that person's more successful than them.

   6. BKBert Kreischer2:18

      Correct.

   7. JRJoe Rogan2:18

      It makes them feel bad, so they think that person's bad. It's like a weird, selfish way of thinking about stuff. And every comic used to have that back in the day. Dice was talking about how every comic would fuck every comic over, and they would, like, do something that would fuck up your set. And he, he was talking about what he did on, on d- Dangerfield's, uh, Young Comedians Special and that someone else on the show wanted to wear a leather jacket the day of, a biker jacket, like, the same jacket that Dice wears.

   8. BKBert Kreischer2:47

      Yeah.

   9. JRJoe Rogan2:48

      And Rodney s- stopped it. He put the kibosh on it. But the comics would always do that kinda shit to each other.

   10. BKBert Kreischer2:53

       It was like that when I started.

   11. JRJoe Rogan2:55

       (laughs)

3. 2:55 – 4:17

   Meeting Chappelle and idolizing comedy ‘jazz’ masters

   1. BKBert Kreischer2:55

      It's not like that. I d- it's n- it's l- way less like that now. Like, I, I feel like the amount of, the amount of love I've gotten from com- comics m- this m- th- these last couple weeks promoting the movie, the love I've gotten from them has, like, made me feel good. Like, I get really nice texts from people. Even, I was telling you, and I'm gonna name drop right away, Chappelle was the f- fucking sweetest guy in the world.

   2. JRJoe Rogan3:18

      He's the nicest guy of all time.

   3. BKBert Kreischer3:20

      He was the sweetest guy. I've ne-

   4. JRJoe Rogan3:21

      He really is.

   5. BKBert Kreischer3:21

      Wanted to meet that guy. I w- Joe, I wanted to meet him for so long because he's, uh, he's my favorite. He's m- like, out of all the comics when I moved to New York that I could watch, like, it was Chappelle, the way he did it, it was like watching jazz, right?

   6. JRJoe Rogan3:32

      Yeah.

   7. BKBert Kreischer3:32

      And then a- and then Attell was, like, almost like watching the fucking Phish or, like, The Dead. And you're like, "It's not jazz. I don't know what the fuck that is."

   8. JRJoe Rogan3:39

      Mm-hmm.

   9. BKBert Kreischer3:39

      "But it's totally different. I don't understand it."

   10. JRJoe Rogan3:41

       Yeah.

   11. BKBert Kreischer3:41

       Hedberg was like that. Those are the guys that, Giraldo, those were the s- Patrice.

   12. JRJoe Rogan3:45

       Right.

   13. BKBert Kreischer3:46

       But Chappelle was, like, the great white... I called him, I told him that. I said, "You're like a great white shark."

   14. JRJoe Rogan3:50

       Yeah.

   15. BKBert Kreischer3:51

       You don't see, like, you, you walk into a room, and you're like, "Oh fuck, fuck." And he goes, he was like, he was like, man, you, he was very ni- he goes, "You've, you've always spoken very nice about me." And I was like, "Yeah, that's how it works. Like, when you're a cool person, people talk good about you." (laughs)

   16. JRJoe Rogan4:06

       Yeah, that should be how it works. But, you know, you see people even talking shit about him. I've seen, I've seen people talk shit about him that are comics. It's like, goddamn it.

4. 4:17 – 5:24

   Fame as a social game: working the room vs escaping it

   1. BKBert Kreischer4:17

      Uh, you know what it is? It's, you said it earlier. It's transactional. It's like they think that it's gonna help put them over.

   2. JRJoe Rogan4:22

      (smacks lips) Yeah, it's a weird thing that we all do g- 'cause s- social interaction is very much like a game sometimes. There's, like, uh, p- moves, and then, then there- there's counter-moves, and there's, like, you're trying to, like, get a better position. And it's, it's like our little social wrestling match sometimes.

   3. BKBert Kreischer4:41

      I've seen people do it, like, uh, like, uh, like, when you're in a room full of famous people, there's a couple types of people. There's people that work the room, and then there's people like me who leave the room (laughs) 'cause I go, I go, "This is overwhelming me."

   4. JRJoe Rogan4:52

      (laughs) This is too weird.

   5. BKBert Kreischer4:53

      I'm like, "This is too weird. I'm gonna get too drunk. I'm gonna say something fucked up." (laughs)

   6. JRJoe Rogan4:55

      It's too weird. It's too weird. I know, and it's like, goddamn. It's weird to be one. It's weird to be around them, you know?

   7. BKBert Kreischer5:07

      Yeah.

   8. JRJoe Rogan5:08

      It's like we've all known each other for so long that, like, we know each other. Whereas, like, you know, you meet someone, and they're already famous, it's like how much do they even let you in, you know? Like-

   9. BKBert Kreischer5:21

      Yeah.

   10. JRJoe Rogan5:21

       ... it seems like a weird life.

5. 5:24 – 11:04

   The Israel Adesanya story: joking about fighters and nearly starting a bar brawl

   1. BKBert Kreischer5:24

      It's funny, I remember when, uh, all the fucking, um, Ibermectin and shit was going on with you.

   2. JRJoe Rogan5:30

      Mm-hmm.

   3. BKBert Kreischer5:30

      And Georgia was, like, sitting at the table, and she's on her phone, and she goes, "Oh my God, do you know this guy?" And I went, "Yeah." She goes, "Really?" I said, "You do too, dummy." She goes, "Who is he?" I go, "The guy with the chickens." She goes, (gasps) "Oh wait, I like that guy." (laughs) I went, "Yeah. You're looking at your phone like you f-..." Like, and then I think that's what happens is, like, you look at, like, a celebrity or someone, and you brand them with the thing that you think on the outside. I know I've been guilty of it. I talked shit about people before just fucking around, just fucking around-

   4. JRJoe Rogan5:56

      Yeah.

   5. BKBert Kreischer5:56

      ... 'cause you just don't think they'll never hear it.

   6. JRJoe Rogan5:59

      Right.

   7. BKBert Kreischer5:59

      Like, you know, you know, I'll tell ya, I'll give you a perfect one.... uh, I, I (laughs) used to say that I c- I think I could beat up, uh, Style Bender. If we were drinking, we had to drink the same amount of beers and then get in a cage. We each had to drink 12 beers and get in a cage. And, and, and I ... It was a joke, it was a joke. I was, uh, fucking around with Tommy. I never thought, I never thought I'd meet Style Bender. I never thought-

   8. NANarrator6:20

      (laughs)

   9. BKBert Kreischer6:22

      ... that motherfucker rolls up to my show in New Zealand, and, and first of all, he's way bigger than you think. (laughs)

   10. NANarrator6:29

       (laughs)

   11. BKBert Kreischer6:29

       He's way bigger than you think, okay? See he's, and he's, and his hands are huge and they're soft. (laughs) And the first thing he does, Joe, is he grabs my arm to, like, dap me up and he throws a knee.

   12. NANarrator6:41

       (laughs)

   13. BKBert Kreischer6:42

       And he grabs me by the back of the neck and goes, "You still think you could fuck me up?"

   14. NANarrator6:45

       (laughs)

   15. BKBert Kreischer6:46

       And I'm like, "I'm so sorry. I'm so-"

   16. NANarrator6:48

       Oh, my God.

   17. BKBert Kreischer6:48

       But you know what? You know what? That guy is the coolest motherfucker. Like, the coolest. I mean, he's one of my motherfuckers, where I go, th- he treated everyone as if he wasn't the middleweight champion of the world. He treated them as if he was just some guy that was into comic books and, and into, into anime. And he met Jared Hess, the director of, uh, Napoleon Dynamite, was at my show. And, uh, he geeked out. He was like, "Oh, you did Napoleon Dynamite?" And Jared Hess is going, "This is Israel Adesanya. Like, holy shit." And then, and then, Joe ... And I ... Izzy, I'm sorry if I tell too ... I talk too much sometimes. Um, we end up at a bar, at like 3:00 in the fucking morning. And he is ... I'm, I'm faded. I don't know if he was drinking too much at all. I don't even know if he was drinking. It ... And, but we're ... We get pretty, we got pretty lit, in a bar at 3:00 in the morning in New Zealand. And he stands up and I stand up with him, back to back, shirtless, both of us.

   18. NANarrator7:48

       (laughs)

   19. BKBert Kreischer7:48

       And we challenge everyone in the bar to a fist f- Oh, you have it. Oh, this is (laughs) -

   20. NANarrator7:53

       What are you challenging everyone in the bar-

   21. I'll kill every motherfucker in here for this man.

   22. You want it? You want it? You want it?

   23. (laughs)

   24. BKBert Kreischer8:00

       Okay. Okay.

   25. NANarrator8:01

       Who want it?

   26. BKBert Kreischer8:02

       Who want it?

   27. NANarrator8:02

       Say a word.

   28. I'll fuckin' do it.

   29. Say a word. Say a word.

   30. What are you doing?
6. 11:04 – 14:08

   ‘Earn your Mondays’: celebrating wins, tour-benders, and promoting The Machine

   1. BKBert Kreischer11:04

      It was. And then he texts me the next morning, like, w- like, boom, he's out. He's out. He didn't ... I don't think he drinks e- as much as I do. (laughs) And that, that dude, I'll tell you, I'ma ride or die for him. He was the nicest. We sat and talked and we just talked about, like ... You know, something really important in life is celebrating. Like, celebrating victories and w- I love the way he does that. I really do. When he has a victory, he goes on, like, a celebration tour and he, and it- and I f- feel like the r- the univor- universe then fucking is set right. Like, I, I, I'm ... Leanne has a phrase. Uh, uh, uh, it's called earn your Mondays. Right? So, like, I'm, I'm gonna get emotional telling this 'cause I, uh, it's a cool fucking thing. It's earn your Mondays. It means bust your ass all fucking weekend, for us, comics. All weekend, all weekend, and do so well you earn your Monday. You don't have to pick up a phone, you don't have to do a fucking thing. You can just fucking sit back in the cut and go, "I earned my Monday." Like, uh, n- uh, Amy Gla- Amy-... Schumer's movie Trainwreck did really well, right? Its opening week. And that's when Leanne said it the first time. She goes, "Man, she earned her Monday." I said, "What do you mean?" She goes, "She did press for two weeks leading up to this. She's been going theater to theater trying to help sell tickets. And she- it's done, and it did well. She earned her Monday." And, and it's a... I think it's might be in Scientology. Like, it might be a thing in Scientology, but when Izzy earns his Monday, like, when after that fight, the way he celebrates life for like two weeks, he goes out. He's in Miami. He's in New York. He's in Vegas. He's in LA. He's in London. Like, he does a tour.

   2. NANarrator12:37

      Yeah.

   3. BKBert Kreischer12:38

      I said to him, I go, "That's really inspirational." Like, u- or the way that you look at life as it needs to be. And he goes, "Yeah, you gotta celebrate. You gotta celebrate these moments." I, I think it's cool as fuck. Wait till you see the fucking bender I'm going on if my movie does well this weekend. (laughs)

   4. NANarrator12:53

      (laughs)

   5. BKBert Kreischer12:53

      You wanna talk about-

   6. NANarrator12:54

      How could you ramp it up any more than you're already doing it?

   7. BKBert Kreischer12:57

      Dude, I- I... Listen. I'll tell you what. I'm going to rehab. (laughs)

   8. NANarrator12:59

      (laughs)

   9. BKBert Kreischer13:01

      I want someone to chloroform me at the premiere, and I wanna wake up a week later. They go, "Your movie did great, Bert. (laughs) Your b- your body's clean. You've been hydrated. You slept." (laughs)

   10. NANarrator13:10

       Just keep you on a constant IV.

   11. BKBert Kreischer13:13

       Dude, I, I need to say this real quick in- right now. Everyone please go to movie theaters this weekend and see my movie, The Machine. Yeah, please go out of the house. Buy a ticket to a movie theater. That is our biggest challenge is getting people in movie theaters. So if you love me or you've ever loved me, you used to love me, you think I'm annoying as fuck now.

   12. NANarrator13:31

       (laughs)

   13. BKBert Kreischer13:31

       Whatever the fuck it is, just give me a shot.

   14. NANarrator13:33

       (laughs)

   15. BKBert Kreischer13:34

       Get out of the house and go see the story that started on this fucking podcast. I would have never told it on stage if this man right here didn't say, "You have to tell it on stage. This is your fucking movie. You need to know him as The Machine. For now on, call out his name at shows. Make him tell that story." I- I leaked the trailer on... This movie was gonna sit on a fucking shelf. Joe, you've done so much for me. Do it for Joe, guys. Do it for Joe. (laughs)

   16. NANarrator14:01

       (laughs) Do it for me.

   17. BKBert Kreischer14:02

       Prove that he's the motherfucker. (laughs)

   18. NANarrator14:03

       Well, I just think it's a funny fucking movie, man. It's-

   19. BKBert Kreischer14:06

       It's a good movie. It's, it's action.

   20. NANarrator14:07

       It's gonna be fun.

7. 14:08 – 17:38

   Awkward on-set intimacy: kissing scenes, honesty in promo, and actor myths

   1. BKBert Kreischer14:08

      It's a big action comedy that needs to be seen on the big screen. And, and I- I- and, and I think it's- I think people will be surprised at how fun this movie is. It's- it's just fucking fun. And I'm- I've been fucking up promo- I was telling you, I've- I've been fucking up promotion for it, 'cause I'm way too honest. I'm not an actor. (laughs) Like, I'm just like... They're like, "What is it? What are the kissing scenes like?" And I'm like, "Rough." (laughs)

   2. NANarrator14:34

      (laughs)

   3. BKBert Kreischer14:38

      We had one kissing scene. (laughs) I w- I didn't know, I didn't know there was kissing scenes in the movie, 'cause I don't read the action when I read the scripts. I just read the (laughs) dialogue. So I don't read like, you know, "Hey, uh, Bert comes back, kisses his wife, and knocks her off her feet." I just go like... Oh, there, Leanne was in Serbia, and they were like, "Hey, you have a kissing scene today." I was like, "What?" And they're like, "Yeah, y- with your wife." And I was like, "Shut the fuck up." I was like, "Wh- wh- is that cool?" And Leanne's like, "Yes, y- you're an actor." I was like, "Yeah, but I haven't cheated on you in, like, e- ever. Like, I've never kissed someone in 20 fucking years." She was like, "It's just acting." And I was like, "Okay." All I'll say is, uh, the pants I w- was wearing were loose-fitting, and I don't wear underwear. (laughs)

   4. NANarrator15:24

      Oh, Bert.

   5. BKBert Kreischer15:25

      We did one take, and I was like, "Costume change, please." (laughs) They're like, "What?" I was like, "Ah, I need to change my pants. (laughs) I guess I'm not an actor. I'm just a regular dude." (laughs)

   6. NANarrator15:35

      Oh my goodness, Bert.

   7. BKBert Kreischer15:36

      They're like, they're like, "Huh?" And I was like, "I don't know. What the fuck are you supposed to do? You're supposed to kiss someone and then just n- like, how the- how the fuck does that work?" (laughs) You ever kiss someone?

   8. NANarrator15:48

      Your body doesn't know that it's just acting.

   9. BKBert Kreischer15:52

      No.

   10. NANarrator15:52

       No.

   11. BKBert Kreischer15:53

       No.

   12. NANarrator15:54

       How could it?

   13. BKBert Kreischer15:55

       Yeah. I did the first kiss. My, my, my, my wife, Stephanie, is cool as fuck. We- by the way, I've talked with her, and we've talked about this a number of times. And she goes... We do the first kiss, and I'm, and I'm like, "I don't know." I'm, I'm just like, you know. And she's like, "Hey, you know, really go for it. Like, really go for it." And I was like, "For real?" She's like, "Yeah, like, try, like, try to, like, knock me off my feet. Like, kiss me." So I was like, "Okay." I'm not thinking about it. I'm going fucking ba- ba- ba- ba- bam. Walk up. Foom. And as soon as- and then she kissed back, and I was like, "What the fuck is happening? This is different. Holy shit." And then I'm like, "Ah, ah, ah, costume change." (laughs)

   14. NANarrator16:33

       (laughs)

   15. BKBert Kreischer16:33

       I need tape. I need tape. Like, someone get me ice.

   16. NANarrator16:38

       Is that... Are you allowed to talk about that?

   17. BKBert Kreischer16:40

       You're not supposed to. You're supposed to say, like, you're supposed to say... Here, ask me what the kissing scene was like.

   18. NANarrator16:45

       What was the kissing scene like?

   19. BKBert Kreischer16:47

       You know. Uh, it was good. It was- I would say, it's just acting. It's just acting. It's what we do as actors. Okay?

   20. NANarrator16:52

       Which is true.

   21. BKBert Kreischer16:53

       Yeah. Well, it is for some people.

   22. NANarrator16:55

       But-

   23. BKBert Kreischer16:55

       But it's also a fucking hardcore lie.

   24. NANarrator16:57

       (laughs)

   25. BKBert Kreischer16:57

       It's also why Brad Pitt fucked Angelina Jolie is 'cause you make out with her a couple times. You're like, "That was fucking nice. I wonder what it's like." And then you're laying in bed going, "Hmm. Hmm." And Jennifer Aniston's texting you like, "Pass, pass." Like, fucking Leanne, we did the kissing scene all day. All day, I kissed this woman for like 30 minutes, 35 minutes, kissed her, like, got comfortable kissing her, and then we got in bed in Serbia, and Leanne's like, "Hey, you wanna do it?" I was like, "Beat it, scissor lips."

   26. NANarrator17:21

       (laughs)

   27. BKBert Kreischer17:21

       I was like, "I'm fucking... (snorts) I'll come back to you when I need to." (laughs)

   28. NANarrator17:25

       Oh, how rude.

   29. BKBert Kreischer17:28

       My wife's got good sense of humor.

   30. NANarrator17:29

       I hope so.
8. 17:38 – 21:20

   Turning a signature bit into a movie and surviving press questions

   1. NANarrator17:38

      What is it like to have a story get turned into a movie? That's gotta be weird as fuck.

   2. BKBert Kreischer17:43

      Um-

   3. NANarrator17:44

      Like a story that, like, you kind of have to tell now. (laughs)

   4. BKBert Kreischer17:49

      Yeah.

   5. NANarrator17:49

      Like, if you do a show, if you do a show and you don't tell The Machine story, people will get angry at you.

   6. BKBert Kreischer17:54

      Oh, they, but they did it when we- last time I was here.

   7. NANarrator17:57

      Yeah.

   8. BKBert Kreischer17:57

      We were up here, and they started chanting, "The Machine."

   9. NANarrator18:00

      (laughs)

   10. BKBert Kreischer18:00

       And I was like, "Guys, I'm- I'm at the comedy mothership. I'm just did an hour 15," and that was the best- that was one of the cool- that's the coolest thing about that goddamn club is I see fucking Ron up in the top, and I go, "I'll tell...... I'll tell the machine if Ron comes down and tells Tater Salad, and the place is like, "Ron White's here?" And then, and Ron's like, "Fuck it, I'm coming down."

   11. JRJoe Rogan18:21

       (laughs)

   12. BKBert Kreischer18:21

       Ron White comes on stage and tells Tater Salad. I go to tell the machine and realize, I can't follow Tater Salad. (laughs)

   13. JRJoe Rogan18:27

       (laughs)

   14. BKBert Kreischer18:27

       The best story ever told. So, it's surreal having your movie, your life turned into a movie. It's surreal. Like, it is like, it was emotional at times, and then it's, and then it's weird 'cause you, you feel, I feel very vulnerable, you know, like, 'cause some of the questions people ask, they're like, uh, they're not, they don't, they like, they ta- they put teeth in it. They're like, "So you rob people?" And you're like, "Pfft, okay."

   15. JRJoe Rogan18:48

       Jesus Christ.

   16. BKBert Kreischer18:49

       Jesus Christ. "So you, you approve of what the mafia does? You're like into the mafia?" And I'm like, "Hey man, can we not make it surreal? Like, you're keeping your eyes open while we kiss. Let's fucking just-

   17. JRJoe Rogan18:58

       Oh.

   18. BKBert Kreischer18:58

       ... make it regular, like Good Morning America." (laughs)

   19. JRJoe Rogan19:03

       (laughs) So they got upset with the premise?

   20. BKBert Kreischer19:07

       They were just like, they like, they, they read half of it and then they're like, "So you- you're in the mafia?" And you're like, "No, uh, it's a little more complex than that." "But no, but you like got welcomed into the mafia?" And you're like, "N- yeah, like that kind of," it's, uh, it's better when you hear the whole story. I think I tell it a little different. And they're like, "And you robbed your friends. Are they cool with you now?" And I'm like, "Yeah, yeah, some of them are coming to the premier." They're like, "Fucking Jesus Christ, let- let's, can we move to the next subject?"

   21. JRJoe Rogan19:33

       (laughs)

   22. BKBert Kreischer19:33

       "I don't believe in vaccines." (laughs)

   23. JRJoe Rogan19:39

       (laughs) Oh my God.

   24. BKBert Kreischer19:41

       Yeah, it's been, it's been interesting. It's been fun. I'll tell you what's been really fun is finding out just how wide this story has reached. Like, I didn't expect certain people to be, like fans of mine. Like, and I, and I, and I know that sounds like bad, but like, you're always, like when you look at your audiences, they, I, my audience kinda looks like the same one thing, guys that have chicks that are hotter than they deserve, they all have beards, they're all a little overweight. Like, that's my fan base.

   25. JRJoe Rogan20:11

       (laughs)

   26. BKBert Kreischer20:11

       And I like, I, I literally go, "Hey man, I can tell you the sponsors I can get for my tour. Lipitor would be a good sponsor, some blood pressure medicine, some beard trimmers." Not Lipitor. I know we're talking about statins. But, um, but like, I know, like I know my fan base. And then you get like dudes who are like, "I fucking love you." And like, like Big Boy from Big Boy's Neighborhood. I was like, "Y- you know who I am?" He's like, "Yeah, why wouldn't I?" I was like, "I don't know. I just didn't think." You know, like Nory from Drink Champs. He's like, "Dude, I'm the b-" he goes, "I told my wife, we, you get, we got my favorite comedian coming on and she's like, 'You mean the big fat white guy with, that takes his shirt off?'" (laughs)

   27. JRJoe Rogan20:47

       (laughs)

   28. BKBert Kreischer20:47

       And you're like wait, when you're younger, you try so hard to appeal to all demographics. It almost like you wanna, it's like fake. And then once you're yourself, you're truly yourself, that's when you appeal, that's when you're the most appealing. Does that make sense?

   29. JRJoe Rogan21:02

       It does make sense, yeah, because it's hard to do. It's hard to do publicly.

   30. BKBert Kreischer21:08

       Yeah.
9. 21:20 – 30:16

   Premiere culture, not ‘playing it cool,’ and celebrity energy (Arnold vs Ed Norton)

   1. BKBert Kreischer21:20

      You start going like, "Yeah, I don't wanna..." Like, like secret time, uh, well, this will air, this will, it'll be fine. The premier's tomorrow. I'm flying back tonight for the premier. The premier list is fucking thick. It's fucking thick. It's got fucking, it's like, it's, it's my algorithm. It's Snoop Dogg, porn stars, and fucking radio DJs. (laughs)

   2. JRJoe Rogan21:42

      (laughs)

   3. BKBert Kreischer21:42

      A couple pro surfers, like it's my algorithm, my watch dealer. (laughs)

   4. JRJoe Rogan21:47

      (laughs)

   5. BKBert Kreischer21:47

      So the, um, but, uh, like Mark Hamill was like, "Are you gonna stay for the, and watch the movie?" And I was like, "Are we not supposed to?" He's like, "I'm not gonna watch myself on screen." And I was like, "Why?" And he's like, "Al, are you being serious?" He's like, "You wanna just, you want me, sit in front of 750 people and watch yourself?"

   6. JRJoe Rogan22:06

      (laughs)

   7. BKBert Kreischer22:08

      I was like, I was like, "Hey Mark, secret time, I'm gonna cry watching myself."

   8. JRJoe Rogan22:12

      (laughs)

   9. BKBert Kreischer22:12

      I'm gonna cry and I'm gonna mouth my, my lines. I did that when we did the first testing of the movie. They sat me in the front row. I had two bottles of wine. I sat with LeeAnn. I had a notebook. I was supposed to write things in for notes. The movie starts and I start bawling crying. I start bawling crying and I start mouthing my lines. I'm laughing hysterically. I'm like, I loved, I loved watching me more than a narcissist would ever like. It was like the craziest thing. So we go to the next screening and, uh, Kale, our producer, pulls me aside and he goes, "Ah, I'm gonna ask you to sit in the back." I said, "What?" And he goes, "It'd kind of affect the way people watch the movie." (laughs)

   10. JRJoe Rogan22:47

       (laughs)

   11. BKBert Kreischer22:47

       I said, "What do you mean?" He goes, "I don't know if they're fucking crying like it's Cape Fear but gay." (laughs) He goes, "Fucking sit in the back." So I, next time I sat in the back, but I get emotional watching the movie 'cause I, I feel like, I feel like I'm watching a highlight reel. Like, I remember doing all these things and now they're all c- cool and so I was like, "I don't know, I guess, um, I don't know. Dep- I think I'll watch the movie. I guess I would." But Mark's not gonna watch it, secret time.

   12. JRJoe Rogan23:12

       Well, that's not very secret, and, uh, I get both perspectives. Like you made it why, it seems weird that he would like, he's trying to like enforce that on you.

   13. BKBert Kreischer23:23

       No, no, he was just like, he was like, "You're cool with that?" Like I, I've heard a few people like-

   14. JRJoe Rogan23:28

       (laughs)

   15. BKBert Kreischer23:28

       ... like, like there are people like, "Do you listen to your own podcast?" "No." "Okay, I can throw on an old-"

   16. JRJoe Rogan23:33

       But I, um, I might if it's like, uh, if like it's a Huberman podcast or one of those ones where I, I'm gonna try to implement whatever they're talking about.

   17. BKBert Kreischer23:41

       Yeah.

   18. JRJoe Rogan23:42

       So maybe with those I would listen to it again, just to try to remember-

   19. BKBert Kreischer23:46

       Yeah.

   20. JRJoe Rogan23:46

       ... and write shit down, you know, 'cause he, he, he gives you so many different like beneficial things. It's like y- you have to kinda go back and w- write them down and try to keep track of them.

   21. BKBert Kreischer23:58

       Like there's certain people who can listen to their own pod, like I can throw on an old Two Bears from during the pandemic.

   22. JRJoe Rogan24:03

       Mm-hmm.

   23. BKBert Kreischer24:03

       And I will, it, it can, it'll like, it's like a warm blanket. I go, "I remember that day. I remember that." Like I, it's fun. So I'm gonna, I'm gonna sit and watch myself in the movie theater. I wanna hear, I wanna see 750 people.

   24. JRJoe Rogan24:14

       Why not?

   25. BKBert Kreischer24:15

       Yeah, right? Here's my-

   26. JRJoe Rogan24:16

       It's a good movie.

   27. BKBert Kreischer24:17

       Can I tell y-

   28. JRJoe Rogan24:17

       Dude, it's just weird that people would think that that's weird. (laughs) ... it's like, of course you want to see your movie.

   29. BKBert Kreischer24:24

       Yeah. Well, it's, it's-

   30. JRJoe Rogan24:24

       You want to see people see your movie too.
10. 30:16 – 44:34

    Action movies, John Wick fandom, and how culture changes what feels ‘corny’

    1. BKBert Kreischer30:16

       Dude, let me tell you something. Keanu Reeves, that's the motherfucker. When you... After you do an action scene and then you watch John Wick, you're like, "Uh, that's...... learning the ballet. Like, that guy, those things he does in that movie, they're, they are... I, I would argue, I would, it would be cool. I, I, like, someone like you who's into martial arts and knows how to use his body, I'd be interested to see you go... That would be a cool thing, to see you do one of the John Wick sequences. Like, would you, would... Does that interest you at all? Those, like, badass sequences that he does?

    2. JRJoe Rogan30:52

       Like, movies? Is that sort of thing? What are you saying?

    3. BKBert Kreischer30:54

       No, no, no, no, no. Just, like, just for, like, to fun. Like, you know we go out and we shoot with Taron?

    4. JRJoe Rogan30:57

       Uh-huh.

    5. BKBert Kreischer30:58

       And, like, we learn the John Wick guns and stuff?

    6. JRJoe Rogan31:01

       Right.

    7. BKBert Kreischer31:01

       If they had a class where you could just go, "Hey man, for, like, this week, we're gonna teach you a John Wick sequence just to, just see if you could learn it." 'Cause it's really co-... It's a simple-

    8. JRJoe Rogan31:10

       Very complex.

    9. BKBert Kreischer31:11

       A very simple fight scene. I punched, like, three dudes on our movie, 'cause I don't, I just am not... I get overexcited and I just would punch them. And, but they were, like, cage fighters, so they're like, "I don't give a fuck. Just hit me. And if you... I'd rather you hit me than it not look good."

    10. JRJoe Rogan31:24

        Right.

    11. BKBert Kreischer31:25

        But that, what John, what John Wick does? I couldn't do that. That's like, somersaults and sliding your leg underneath people's legs to f- to leverage them? That's f-

    12. JRJoe Rogan31:37

        No, in the f- especially in the first movie.

    13. BKBert Kreischer31:39

        Look at this.

    14. JRJoe Rogan31:40

        In John Wick 1-

    15. BKBert Kreischer31:42

        (clears throat)

    16. JRJoe Rogan31:42

        ... that scene where he goes through the disco, the Red Circle Club?

    17. BKBert Kreischer31:45

        Mm-hmm.

    18. JRJoe Rogan31:46

        That fucking scene is insane.

    19. BKBert Kreischer31:48

        Yeah.

    20. JRJoe Rogan31:49

        I mean, it d- but here's what's weird about it. (sighs) Look, I love that movie.

    21. BKBert Kreischer31:55

        Yeah.

    22. JRJoe Rogan31:57

        But why? It's the sexy assassin that you root for. (laughs)

    23. BKBert Kreischer32:03

        (laughs)

    24. JRJoe Rogan32:04

        It's this... The whole thing's, like, have we forgiven his past where he worked for the Russian mob and killed how many fucking people that didn't deserve to be killed?

    25. BKBert Kreischer32:12

        (stammings)

    26. JRJoe Rogan32:12

        Like, he was the guy you sent in to kill people. It's the weirdest sort of hero that's ever existed.

    27. BKBert Kreischer32:19

        So-

    28. JRJoe Rogan32:20

        'Cause it's so satisfying because they killed his puppy.

    29. NANarrator32:24

        (laughs)

    30. BKBert Kreischer32:24

        Dude.
11. 44:34 – 51:24

    Old comedies under modern scrutiny: Ace Ventura, Sixteen Candles, and Revenge of the Nerds

    1. BKBert Kreischer44:34

       Oh, it's done that with comedy, too. Like, you... Like, the comedies that we liked-

    2. JRJoe Rogan44:37

       Yeah.

    3. BKBert Kreischer44:37

       ... you watch them now, and they're, like, horrifically racist. Like-

    4. JRJoe Rogan44:42

       So many of them are trans... Like, fucking, we were talking about, uh, uh, Ace Ventura. It's- he's crazy transphobic.

    5. BKBert Kreischer44:49

       Dan Marino throws up 'cause he made out with a dude.

    6. JRJoe Rogan44:52

       (laughs) It's- the whole fucking thing is, like-

    7. BKBert Kreischer44:54

       They see the dick-

    8. JRJoe Rogan44:55

       ... it's so crazy.

    9. BKBert Kreischer44:56

       ... and there- there is a complete... (laughs) This is where trans people should spend their time, getting rid of that fucking movie, because they see the dick in the back of the pants and they all throw up.

    10. JRJoe Rogan45:07

        I- and it's Sean Young, who's gorgeous.

    11. BKBert Kreischer45:11

        Yeah. Yeah, she's beautiful.

    12. NANarrator45:12

        ... wear one of these? Ah. Ugh. Ah.

    13. JRJoe Rogan45:17

        (laughs)

    14. BKBert Kreischer45:17

        Don't look.

    15. NANarrator45:19

        Boy, that's really on there.

    16. BKBert Kreischer45:20

        (laughs)

    17. JRJoe Rogan45:21

        (laughs)

    18. NANarrator45:24

        (Laughs) Ugh.

    19. JRJoe Rogan45:26

        This scene is so crazy.

    20. BKBert Kreischer45:28

        Yeah, this is great.

    21. JRJoe Rogan45:29

        This is a scene, he's like, he just rips her shirt apart. Imagine that scene today.

    22. NANarrator45:33

        ... to get rid of big old Mr. Knish. (cloth tearing)

    23. BKBert Kreischer45:39

        (laughs)

    24. JRJoe Rogan45:39

        (laughs)

    25. BKBert Kreischer45:40

        She- she's in her bra and panties.

    26. JRJoe Rogan45:42

        She's just... In her bra and pa- he's ripping her clothes off in front of everybody.

    27. BKBert Kreischer45:45

        Yeah.

    28. NANarrator45:46

        Oh, boy.

    29. JRJoe Rogan45:46

        In a comedy.

    30. BKBert Kreischer45:48

        (laughs)
12. 51:24 – 58:41

    War, barbarism, and ceasefires: from trench warfare to wolves

    1. JRJoe Rogan51:24

       Like, relatively cl- quickly, 'cause I don't think that before mass media, social med- It m- It was mass media first and then social media. Pe- tell people's... The more and more communication about the way people act and behave. You used to just have films that depicted all sorts of shit like that and people just accepted it. So, like, was that a part of normal society back then? Like, at what point... Like, we gotta think about how few generations rem- removed we are from barbarians, like really, like really horrific people. For- t- What? We're good. 3,000 years? 4,000 years? Like, w- well, how far back do you have to go to where life is just hell?

    2. BKBert Kreischer52:07

       I- I-

    3. JRJoe Rogan52:07

       It's not that many thousands of years, right?

    4. BKBert Kreischer52:08

       I gotta be honest with you. I think s- uh, 1700s.

    5. JRJoe Rogan52:11

       Yeah. S- f- s-

    6. BKBert Kreischer52:14

       I mean, if it... I mean, if, if we're talking about l- loss of freedom and free will, look at World War I. World War I was a barbaric fucking trench war.

    7. JRJoe Rogan52:21

       Yeah.

    8. BKBert Kreischer52:22

       That... Was that, was it tren- was that the Trench War? Yeah.

    9. JRJoe Rogan52:24

       Mm-hmm.

    10. BKBert Kreischer52:24

        It was trench warfare. And that was like, that was like kids... And then World War II was a generation of kids that felt like they didn't go to war, so they got bummed out. They're like, "I wanted to go to war with my dad," not knowing what war was. And now we're at a place where we're like, "Okay, only the savages go." Like, us soft boys, I, I could not... I'm not a Jocko. I'm not w- a green beret.

    11. JRJoe Rogan52:42

        I don't know if I agree with that.

    12. BKBert Kreischer52:44

        What do you mean?

    13. JRJoe Rogan52:44

        About World War II.

    14. BKBert Kreischer52:45

        World War II, no, no.

    15. JRJoe Rogan52:46

        I don't-

    16. BKBert Kreischer52:46

        It's 100% accurate.

    17. JRJoe Rogan52:47

        What do you mean?

    18. BKBert Kreischer52:47

        The German generation, the German generation feel like, feels like they, that was what brought about World War II, was a whole generation of kids feeling like, "We need a war. We didn't get a war." It's, I, I...

    19. JRJoe Rogan52:58

        Wait, what? Really?

    20. BKBert Kreischer52:59

        Yeah.

    21. NANarrator52:59

        Yeah, yeah.

    22. JRJoe Rogan53:00

        Really?

    23. NANarrator53:00

        Uh, if you watched the beginning of All Quiet on the Western Front, I don't know if you-

    24. BKBert Kreischer53:02

        Yeah.

    25. NANarrator53:02

        ... saw that new movie.

    26. BKBert Kreischer53:03

        I did.

    27. NANarrator53:03

        Watch it not with the subtitles. That's the beginning of the... I mean, that's still World War I, but all those kids are just mad that they're not gonna maybe go. The war, war is ending and they're like, "Fuck, we're not gonna get to fight. We're not gonna get to fight." It's kinda like what Jarhead is like, even in the Marines.

    28. BKBert Kreischer53:15

        Yeah, yeah.

    29. NANarrator53:15

        He's so mad he doesn't get to shoot his gun.

    30. JRJoe Rogan53:17

        (sighs) God, how crazy are people?
13. 58:41 – 1:01:43

    Modern mysteries: viral wolf videos, UFO balloons, and SpaceX reentry ‘alien’ moments

    1. BKBert Kreischer58:41

       Oh. Have you ever seen the video of the, the cop going to give a parking ticket, and the fucking 50 wolves run down the street?

    2. JRJoe Rogan58:47

       I don't think that's real.

    3. BKBert Kreischer58:49

       Oh, for real?

    4. JRJoe Rogan58:50

       Yeah, I don't think that's real.

    5. BKBert Kreischer58:52

       Do you know what I'm talking about, Jamie?

    6. JRJoe Rogan58:53

       Yeah.

    7. BKBert Kreischer58:54

       Russian cop is going to give a parking ticket.

    8. JRJoe Rogan58:56

       Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think-

    9. BKBert Kreischer58:56

       And then he gets in their car, and the wolves run by them.

    10. JRJoe Rogan58:58

        Jamie will find out if it's real. I think someone told me that was CGI.

    11. BKBert Kreischer59:03

        Ah.

    12. NANarrator59:04

        Oh, speaking of CGI, well, I don't wanna change all of our stuff, but, uh...

    13. JRJoe Rogan59:08

        I don't know if it is CGI, though. I really wanna find out.

    14. NANarrator59:10

        Wait, did... The Roswell UFO thing from last week, did you see that?

    15. JRJoe Rogan59:12

        Oh, the Jeremy Corbell thing?

    16. NANarrator59:13

        I didn't see Jeremy Corbell post it, but I saw a post of like five videos all showing this fucking object in the sky.

    17. JRJoe Rogan59:18

        Yeah, this is over a military base.

    18. NANarrator59:21

        Yeah, I guess so.

    19. JRJoe Rogan59:21

        Yeah, yeah. Apparently like 50 people filmed this thing.

    20. BKBert Kreischer59:24

        This, yeah.

    21. JRJoe Rogan59:25

        So, this is the, yeah, this is the Russian one. So watch.

    22. BKBert Kreischer59:28

        Oh, that bums me out. I wanna see the-

    23. JRJoe Rogan59:29

        The cop's over here, he's talking, and then these wolves are running by. I don't know if that's real, man.

    24. NANarrator59:35

        It looks pretty real.

    25. JRJoe Rogan59:36

        It looks very real.

    26. NANarrator59:37

        Um, the only way... So what, well-

    27. JRJoe Rogan59:38

        Look at those shadows. Shadows are perfect.

    28. BKBert Kreischer59:40

        Yeah.

    29. NANarrator59:40

        But they, maybe... Yeah, wow.

    30. BKBert Kreischer59:43

        If they do a time lapse of-
14. 1:01:43 – 1:15:02

    Drugs, stimulants, and nicotine debates—ending with a cigar break

    1. JRJoe Rogan1:01:43

       Um, you know, there's a lot of evidence that nicotine is actually good for you. It's really weird.

    2. BKBert Kreischer1:01:48

       That's what Andrew Huberman said.

    3. JRJoe Rogan1:01:49

       Yeah.

    4. BKBert Kreischer1:01:49

       Smoking is the best thing you could do for your life.

    5. JRJoe Rogan1:01:51

       No, no.

    6. BKBert Kreischer1:01:52

       Andrew Huberman said... Here, get, isolate this.

    7. JRJoe Rogan1:01:54

       No.

    8. BKBert Kreischer1:01:54

       I'm kidding (laughs) .

    9. JRJoe Rogan1:01:55

       No. No, no, no. Not smoking-

    10. BKBert Kreischer1:01:56

        Dude, have you... Oh, wait-

    11. JRJoe Rogan1:01:57

        Not smoking nicotine.

    12. BKBert Kreischer1:01:57

        ... have you ever been in a fucking balloon?

    13. NANarrator1:01:58

        Isn't that-

    14. JRJoe Rogan1:01:59

        No.

    15. NANarrator1:01:59

        That looks like the thing I saw in the video.

    16. BKBert Kreischer1:02:00

        So, just so we're clear-

    17. JRJoe Rogan1:02:02

        Hmm.

    18. NANarrator1:02:02

        What the f-

    19. BKBert Kreischer1:02:02

        Oh, you, you talking about the thing that, um, was in the, the plane video, Jamie?

    20. NANarrator1:02:07

        No.

    21. BKBert Kreischer1:02:08

        Which video?

    22. NANarrator1:02:08

        There's, uh, th- like, this is one of them, I think.

    23. BKBert Kreischer1:02:11

        (clicks tongue) Well, let me tell you something-

    24. NANarrator1:02:13

        This is that thing.

    25. BKBert Kreischer1:02:15

        Oh, that thing.

    26. JRJoe Rogan1:02:15

        Yeah.

    27. NANarrator1:02:16

        Yeah. This was in, like, a post I saw today. It showed f- this in five different videos. They said it was last week in Roswell. (clicks tongue) And it's just sitting there. It doesn't move.

    28. BKBert Kreischer1:02:25

        Mm-hmm.

    29. JRJoe Rogan1:02:27

        Yeah, that totally could be a balloon.

    30. BKBert Kreischer1:02:29

        All right, well, it looks like it.

Episode duration: 2:54:00