Joe Rogan Experience #2098 - Matt McCusker & Shane Gillis

Shane Gillis and Matt McCusker are stand-up comics and the hosts of "Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast." Catch Matt's comedy special "At the Speed of Light" on YouTube. Shane's latest special, "Beautiful Dogs," is on Netflix. www.mattmccusker.com www.shanemgillis.com

Joe RoganhostShane GillisguestMatt McCuskerguestJamie Vernonguest

Jun 27, 20243h 11mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

150 min read · 30,061 words

0:00 – 15:00
(drum roll) Joe Rogan podcast,…
1. NANarrator
  (drum roll) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out. The Joe Rogan Experience. (energetic music) Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day.
2. JRJoe Rogan
  Boys.
3. SGShane Gillis
  Yes.
4. JRJoe Rogan
  Salute.
5. SGShane Gillis
  Hey.
6. JRJoe Rogan
  Bud Light came all the way back. (laughs)
7. SGShane Gillis
  Oh, dude. Cheers.
8. MMMatt McCusker
  They did. (laughs)
9. JRJoe Rogan
  To life, baby.
10. MMMatt McCusker
  Chase the water.
11. JRJoe Rogan
  They came all the way back.
12. SGShane Gillis
  Matt, do it responsibly.
13. MMMatt McCusker
  I can't. I'm not drinking. I can't.
14. JRJoe Rogan
  Are you a non-drinker now?
15. MMMatt McCusker
  No, I drink, I just unfortunately have a, uh, bad tummy. Can't have gluten.
16. SGShane Gillis
  Oh, yeah.
17. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh.
18. MMMatt McCusker
  Had- I've had it since I was, like, 21.
19. JRJoe Rogan
  Is it a Crohn's thing, or is it-
20. MMMatt McCusker
  No, it's like celiac. If I have it, I'll get it.
21. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh.
22. MMMatt McCusker
  Like, I won't die, I'll just start burping every... you know.
23. JRJoe Rogan
  Celiac is rough, man. I have a buddy who didn't know he had it until, uh, he w- I think he was, like, 25 or something like that he got diagnosed.
24. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah?
25. MMMatt McCusker
  Yep.
26. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah. It's about when you got it, right?
27. MMMatt McCusker
  21, yeah.
28. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah.
29. JRJoe Rogan
  Well, he, you know, probably had it his whole life, just was just, like, just felt like shit.
30. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah, maybe I have it. (laughs)
15:00 – 30:00
Yeah. …
1. JRJoe Rogan
2. MMMatt McCusker
  Yeah.
3. JRJoe Rogan
  There's levels in this world.
4. MMMatt McCusker
  Yeah. That's, uh, that's scary. Being that poor is scary. But it was nice. I was there. It's like Monopoly money. It's like... If it's not your currency... I was out there-
5. SGShane Gillis
  Oh, yeah.
6. MMMatt McCusker
  ... just doling that stuff out, and it's like-
7. SGShane Gillis
  You love our currency.
8. MMMatt McCusker
  I do.
9. SGShane Gillis
  We were in Australia...
10. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
11. SGShane Gillis
  Dude, we were in Australia, and Matt was like, "This is USD."
12. MMMatt McCusker
  I tried to pay with $20 in US money.
13. SGShane Gillis
  He tried to pay with US dollars. (laughs)
14. MMMatt McCusker
  And they were like, "We don't take that." I'm like, "Come on, man." It's like-
15. SGShane Gillis
  "Come on, man, this is 10 times your money."
16. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
17. MMMatt McCusker
  (laughs)
18. SGShane Gillis
  It's like, dude, this is American.
19. MMMatt McCusker
  I was treating them like-
20. SGShane Gillis
  We're Australians. (laughs)
21. MMMatt McCusker
  I was treating them like I was in, like, Honduras. I was like, "Yo, here's a 20 bucks." And they're like, "Well, we can't take this." I'm like, "Nah, y- they don't give you that. That's, that's good money."
22. JRJoe Rogan
  Some money, I've l-... They have, like, clear little holes in them, and there's, like, little holograms in it. It's like-
23. SGShane Gillis
  It's all bullshit, dude.
24. MMMatt McCusker
  It's fake.
25. SGShane Gillis
  American money is the only thing that matters.
26. JRJoe Rogan
  Isn't it wild, though, that no one's-
27. MMMatt McCusker
  For sure.
28. JRJoe Rogan
  ... figured out how to completely accurately recreate money? It's just pieces of p-... Like, they had to really stay ahead of the curve.
29. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah.
30. JRJoe Rogan
  For the counterfeiters-
30:00 – 45:00
Rough. …
1. MMMatt McCusker
2. Rough.
3. JRJoe Rogan
  Exactly. Well, if you're a woman and you got a poodle, you know, what the fuck?
4. MMMatt McCusker
  Don't bring that thing around.
5. Poodles are working, poodles are a working breed.
6. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
7. MMMatt McCusker
  A big poodle.
8. JRJoe Rogan
  A real big one.
9. MMMatt McCusker
  A big poodle, yeah.
10. JRJoe Rogan
  Yeah.
11. MMMatt McCusker
  Those things are nasty.
12. What are they doing?
13. They're big. A big poodle would-
14. What do they work on?
15. ... bird hunting, probably.
16. SGShane Gillis
  Poodles?
17. MMMatt McCusker
  Yeah, poodles are bird hunters.
18. SGShane Gillis
  Is that what they are?
19. MMMatt McCusker
  I'm pretty sure. A, a big poodle, not a little Euro- like, a little-
20. SGShane Gillis
  Right, right.
21. MMMatt McCusker
  ... toy dog, yeah.
22. SGShane Gillis
  Toy, yeah. Yeah.
23. JRJoe Rogan
  I've heard they're actually good watchdogs, the big poodles.
24. MMMatt McCusker
  Dude, I'm telling you, the big poodles are not pussy to be shit.
25. SGShane Gillis
  God, everything the French do is so good.
26. MMMatt McCusker
  I was, I was a dog walker, dude.
27. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
28. SGShane Gillis
  Every single thing, dude. I- imagine being, like, an aristocrat with a poodle.
29. MMMatt McCusker
  Dude, they're sexual dogs too.
30. SGShane Gillis
  Everything the French do is sexual, dude.
45:00 – 58:52
And we had not...…
1. JRJoe Rogan
  sad.
2. SGShane Gillis
  And we had not... We had just started doing comedy. Like, we were bad at comedy.
3. MMMatt McCusker
  Oh, no.
4. JRJoe Rogan
  Dude, I did... And I just did just material.
5. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah.
6. JRJoe Rogan
  I went up there and did, like, straight 10 minutes of no mic material, just flat line.
7. SGShane Gillis
  (laughs)
8. JRJoe Rogan
  And they're like, "All right, Shane, how about you get..." I think Shane was-
9. SGShane Gillis
  Dude-
10. JRJoe Rogan
  I think Shane looked at me, like... And I gave it to you?
11. SGShane Gillis
  I tagged you. Yeah. I was like, "Let's both do it."
12. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh, I'll help.
13. MMMatt McCusker
  (laughs)
14. JRJoe Rogan
  I was dying, dude. And then, yeah, you went up and just did the sensible thing of talking and figuring out what's up with them.
15. SGShane Gillis
  Yeah, I was like, "This is weird. Why are we doing this?"
16. JRJoe Rogan
  (laughs)
17. SGShane Gillis
  Why the fuck would you guys hire me and Matt to humiliate ourselves? (laughs)
18. JRJoe Rogan
  It was crazy.
19. SGShane Gillis
  I did a black lady, uh, Mother's Day show.
20. JRJoe Rogan
  Oh, yeah.
21. SGShane Gillis
  In north Philly. This guy just hi- hired me to do comedy in front of a brunch for just, for real, like, 14 black ladies for Mother's Day. Same thing. I just stood at the head of the table. It was crazy.
22. MMMatt McCusker
  It's a wild move.
23. SGShane Gillis
  Just died.
24. JRJoe Rogan
  Eh, it is.
25. SGShane Gillis
  And they were just being very nice. They're like, "You're doing great."
26. MMMatt McCusker
  That's kind of cool.
27. SGShane Gillis
  In the middle of just a Mother's Day brunch.
28. MMMatt McCusker
  Would you... Would you just switch stuff up at all? Or, like-
29. SGShane Gillis
  Oh, no. (laughs)
30. MMMatt McCusker
  (laughs)

Episode duration: 3:11:31

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(drum roll) Joe Rogan podcast,…

Yeah. …

Rough. …

And we had not...…

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