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Joe Rogan Experience #2429 - Tom Segura

Tom Segura is a comedian, actor, and author. He co-hosts “Your Mom’s House” with his wife, comedian Christina Pazsitzky, and “Two Bears, One Cave” with comedian Bert Kreischer. His new special, “Tom Segura: Teacher,” premieres December 24 on Netflix. https://www.tomsegura.com https://www.ymhstudios.com https://www.youtube.com/@YMHStudios https://www.netflix.com/title/81605925 Perplexity: Download the app or ask Perplexity anything at https://pplx.ai/rogan. Don’t miss out on all the action - Download the DraftKings app today! Sign-up at https://dkng.co/rogan or with my promo code ROGAN GAMBLING PROBLEM? CALL 1-800-GAMBLER, (800) 327-5050 or visit https://gamblinghelplinema.org (MA). Call 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY). Please Gamble Responsibly. 888-789-7777/visit https://ccpg.org (CT), or visit https://www.mdgamblinghelp.org (MD). 21+ and present in most states. (18+ DC/KY/NH/WY). Void in ONT/OR/NH. Eligibility restrictions apply. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (KS). Pass-thru of per wager tax may apply in IL. 1 per new customer. Must register new account to receive reward Token. Must select Token BEFORE placing min. $5 bet to receive $200 in Bonus Bets if your bet wins. Min. -500 odds req. Token and Bonus Bets are single-use and non-withdrawable. Token expires 1/11/26. Bonus Bets expire in 7 days (168 hours). Stake removed from payout. Terms: https://sportsbook.draftkings.com/promos. Ends 1/4/26 at 11:59 PM ET. Sponsored by DK.

Joe RoganhostTom Seguraguest
Dec 23, 20252h 50mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

  1. 0:00 – 15:00

    (drumming music) Joe Rogan podcast.…

    1. NA

      (drumming music) Joe Rogan podcast. Check it out.

    2. The Joe Rogan Experience.

    3. JR

      Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. (rock music) Is that hat your croissant, your croissant-

    4. TS

      Yeah.

    5. JR

      ... company? Bro, those croissants are a real fucking problem.

    6. TS

      They're the shit, aren't they?

    7. JR

      I was gonna eat one bite. This is what's left.

    8. TS

      (laughs)

    9. JR

      I was like, "I'll have a bite."

    10. TS

      They're so good, man.

    11. JR

      It's too buttery. Well, how can, how can a guy lose as much weight as you lost and then open up a fucking bakery?

    12. TS

      (sighs) Because I started with them when I was so fat-

    13. JR

      (laughs)

    14. TS

      It was perfect. Like, I fell in love with that place when I was close to my fattest-

    15. JR

      (laughs)

    16. TS

      ... and I was like, "This is a match made in heaven."

    17. JR

      How big were you when you were your fattest?

    18. TS

      The most I ever weighed was 265.

    19. JR

      Holy shit.

    20. TS

      Yeah.

    21. JR

      And what are you now?

    22. TS

      187.

    23. JR

      That's insane.

    24. TS

      Yeah, so that's like, what? 80 pounds?

    25. JR

      What does that feel like on your joints?

    26. TS

      Feels great. I feel so much better. I feel so much better.

    27. JR

      Of course.

    28. TS

      I'm lifting four days a week.

    29. JR

      Wow.

    30. TS

      Um, yeah, I just, I lifted this morning.

  2. 15:00 – 30:00

    Yeah. …

    1. TS

      old one ... like, we were watching, like, season one, season two, like the really old ones, where it-

    2. JR

      Yeah.

    3. TS

      ... where everything ... where it took 18 months to produce an episode.

    4. JR

      Right.

    5. TS

      This is ... you know, they had to hand draw everything.

    6. JR

      Right.

    7. TS

      The, the writing and the jokes in them are so good and so funny. And you're wa- ... I'm watching these little dudes, like, get the jokes, and they're ... and it's really funny.

    8. JR

      (laughs)

    9. TS

      I mean, it's really good.

    10. JR

      Yeah.

    11. TS

      But we started from the beginning.

    12. JR

      How many episodes ... Is The Simpsons still on the air, right?

    13. TS

      I think so. It's, like, season fucking 42 or some shit, yeah.

    14. JR

      That is so wild. And no one gets old.

    15. TS

      No. And, and-

    16. JR

      Right? 'Cause the characters are just cartoons.

    17. TS

      And now they can do them, uh, timely because of technology.

    18. JR

      Right.

    19. TS

      So now they can, like, produce it in a week or something.

    20. JR

      Oh, that's crazy.

    21. TS

      Yeah.

    22. JR

      That's crazy.

    23. TS

      'Cause they don't have to hand draw everything.

    24. JR

      Well, didn't they, like, farm it all out to fucking-

    25. TS

      I think so.

    26. JR

      ... South America or some shit?

    27. TS

      It probably ... I'm sure.

    28. JR

      Yeah.

    29. TS

      Yeah.

    30. JR

      I think they did.

  3. 30:00 – 45:00

    That- …

    1. TS

      Like, yeah, he's, like, very...

    2. JR

      That-

    3. TS

      But it's self-... It's not me going-

    4. JR

      Right.

    5. TS

      ... "You gotta go run."

    6. JR

      Right.

    7. TS

      You know?

    8. JR

      It's inside his head.

    9. TS

      It's in his head.

    10. JR

      Wow.

    11. TS

      Yeah.

    12. JR

      If I was a coach, I would be like, "Get that kid young."

    13. TS

      Yeah.

    14. JR

      "Grab him."

    15. TS

      Grab him.

    16. JR

      That's what we want.

    17. TS

      Yeah, yeah.

    18. JR

      What you want is an intelligent psycho.

    19. TS

      Mm-hmm.

    20. JR

      You know?

    21. TS

      Yeah.

    22. JR

      Intelligent, driven, hypercompetitive psycho.

    23. TS

      Hypercompeti-... The other kid, my youngest, we'll walk up a flight of stairs. He goes, "My legs hurt."

    24. JR

      (laughs)

    25. TS

      I'm like, "What?" He goes, "I wanna go rest." I'm like, "We just walked up a fucking flight of stairs."

    26. JR

      (laughs)

    27. TS

      And he's like, "I know, but my legs are killing me."

    28. JR

      (laughs)

    29. TS

      (laughs) Like, it's completely different.

    30. JR

      It's so funny that, that, that is such the case.

  4. 45:00 – 1:00:00

    Sure. …

    1. JR

      of concussions in that one punch.

    2. Sure.

    3. That was real damage. Like, if someone's breaking your jaw in two places, the inside of your fucking head is... There's a lotta damage going on in there too.

    4. (sighs) Fuck yeah.

    5. Just don't do it for... I know too many guys that, like, they wanted to be cool guys and they kept sparring, like, deep into their 30s and 40s. They would go to the gym and do hard spar- not jiu-jitsu, boxing, boxing sparring. So they're just standing in front of each other slugging it out, they'd get bloody noses, they'd laugh about it and think it was cool and then they'd go about their day. And I'm like, "Man, that's gonna get you." (clears throat) 'Cause at a certain point in time that fucking depression is unavoidable, it just creeps in. You just, every, you just, oh, you don't feel good-

    6. Mm-mm.

    7. ... and you just don't feel good. Like, you're just like, "Ugh," all the time, just, "Ugh." Their whole day is like, "Ugh."

    8. It's just like that... Yeah. No thanks, dude.

    9. You know that feeling when you're-

    10. Yeah.

    11. ... hungover? That's their life.

    12. That's no, that's no way to live.

    13. And it's va- it varies. Some guys don't get that, some guys-

    14. And he definitely doesn't have to do that, so don't do it.

    15. Not, not anymore.

    16. No.

    17. If he could do anything, that guy can do anything. If he could do what he did in boxing, he could do anything. Just don't do it forever.

    18. Yeah.

    19. It's just one of them things where it's like the price you pay is eventually not worth it. (clears throat)

    20. Yeah.

    21. Awesome that he did, I mean, awesome that he, he made, he probably made $100 million Saturday night.

    22. Fuck. Jesus Christ, that's so much.

    23. I don't know what he got paid (clears throat) but also it's probably worth another 100 million in publicity.

    24. Easily.

    25. 'Cause people loved watching him get knocked out-

    26. They did.

    27. ... but also had to say, "That guy has fucking balls." And he does, he earned it.

    28. He does.

    29. He earned it. He, that guy has ever... He, he, if he doesn't have your respect after that fight, 'cause a lot of people are like, "Oh, you gonna fight Gervonta Davis? He's only 135 pounds." He's like, "Okay, I'll fight a guy 110 pounds bigger." So he- (laughs)

    30. I know. No, you couldn't pay me-

  5. 1:00:00 – 1:07:32

    ... immense. And it's…

    1. JR

    2. TS

      ... immense. And it's laying perfectly flush against the next piece.

    3. JR

      Mm-hmm.

    4. TS

      Like, it's not, like, kind of sloppily thrown together.

    5. JR

      Right.

    6. TS

      It looks like an architecture firm-

    7. JR

      Right.

    8. TS

      ... designed it and hired ... You know, like that there were cranes putting ... You're like, "How the fuck would this be put together in 1500?"

    9. JR

      Yeah. It's, it's really, really difficult to figure out.

    10. TS

      Yeah.

    11. JR

      They don't know. And they don't even know the date. The date is silly. Because they're, they're not ... What they're basing the date off of, there's a bunch of different structures. There's the base structure, which is way more complex and way bigger.

    12. TS

      Mm-hmm.

    13. JR

      Like, especially Saci Huaman and a bunch of these other places, that they have layers of civilization that's really clear.

    14. TS

      Yeah.

    15. JR

      Like, the layers above it are, like, less sophisticated than the-

    16. TS

      Hm.

    17. JR

      ... giant megalithic stuff that's below it.

    18. TS

      Mm-hmm.

    19. JR

      And yet they all try to attribute it to the same time. The problem is they get married to a timeline.

    20. TS

      Yeah.

    21. JR

      And once they get married to that timeline, then they go, "Oh, well. That's just what it is."

    22. TS

      That's just what it is.

    23. JR

      But they don't know what it is.

    24. TS

      Of course.

    25. JR

      And they're always r- They're, they just f- They're, they've discovered this new, um, stone structure that is in, um, uh, Oregon. And it's 18,000 years old. They didn't even think, up until fairly recently, they didn't think that people were here 18,000 years ago.

    26. TS

      There's a structure in Oregon that's 18,000-

    27. JR

      Yeah, let me see if I can find it. I think ... Yeah, here it is. I found it.

    28. TS

      I always feel like when, when those, the experts give you the-

    29. JR

      Oh, did you find it, Joe me? Yeah.

    30. TS

      Yeah.

Episode duration: 2:50:59

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