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Joe Rogan Experience #2505 - Tom Segura

Tom Segura is a comedian, actor, author, and restaurateur. He hosts “Your Mom’s House” with his wife, comedian Christina Pazsitzky, and “Two Bears, One Cave” with comedian Bert Kreischer. He is also the owner of Ciccio Bomba, a chain of Italian cafes with three locations in Austin, Texas, and the author of “I’d Like to Play Alone, Please: Essays.” Season two of his series “Bad Thoughts” is streaming on Netflix. https://www.netflix.com/title/81740857 https://www.hachettebookgroup.com/titles/tom-segura/id-like-to-play-alone-please/9781538704615/ https://www.cicciobomba.com https://www.youtube.com/@YMHStudios https://www.ymhstudios.com Perplexity: Download the app or ask Perplexity anything at https://pplx.ai/rogan. Get a free welcome kit with your first subscription of AG1 at https://drinkag1.com/joerogan

Joe RoganhostTom Seguraguest
May 25, 20262h 44mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

  1. 0:02 – 1:17

    Tom Segura’s ‘Bad Thoughts’ Season 2: absurd sketches, full creative control, and why it works

    1. JR

      Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.

    2. TS

      The Joe Rogan Experience.

    3. JR

      During my day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night. All day. Gummy buns.

    4. TS

      What's that name?

    5. JR

      Dude, I watched, uh, two episodes of the new season.

    6. TS

      Oh, thank you.

    7. JR

      It's ridiculous.

    8. TS

      It's great.

    9. JR

      It's so ridiculous, so you.

    10. TS

      Yeah, that's fair.

    11. JR

      That show is so you. I don't wanna give anything away, but the, the dance one, I was fucking crying.

    12. TS

      [laughs]

    13. JR

      I was crying. And the, uh, Freaky Friday one. [laughs]

    14. TS

      Yeah, yeah, I was thinking... [laughs]

    15. JR

      Oh my God. Oh my God, they're so fun. I-

    16. TS

      They're so fun

    17. JR

      ... it seems so fun for you. Like, like-

    18. TS

      It's the most fun I have. It's-

    19. JR

      It's like, it's so... It, it is one of the best examples of like, of one mind.

    20. TS

      Yeah.

    21. JR

      Like one person's mind in a show.

    22. TS

      Yeah, yeah.

    23. JR

      Without like a whole bunch of people saying, "Don't do that. Don't do this."

    24. TS

      They, they give us, they give us no restraints-

    25. JR

      [laughs]

    26. TS

      ... in the, in the craziest, greatest sense. Like they really are like, "Do whatever you wanna do." Like-

    27. JR

      The Kevin Nealon one, the first one was-

    28. TS

      Oh, yeah

    29. JR

      ... it's so fucking ridiculous. It's so, it's so you.

    30. TS

      It's, it's, it's such a great time. The dance one, you know, I went to six rehearsals for that.

  2. 1:17 – 2:42

    Bert Kreischer’s dance rivalry and the motivation of “unhinged confidence”

    1. JR

      Well, remember when you did the Tom, the Steven Seagal thing?

    2. TS

      Yeah.

    3. JR

      [laughs]

    4. TS

      Yeah, yeah. And I had to do a bunch of rehearsals for that too.

    5. JR

      For people that hadn't seen it, that's, uh, you and Bert, Bert made a dance video.

    6. TS

      A dance video.

    7. JR

      Like you guys had a competition to see who was the best one.

    8. TS

      Well, he just, he was just saying we should all do one. And then, and we were, I was like, "Yeah, okay." And then he just dropped one. So he, there was no like-

    9. JR

      Right

    10. TS

      ... "Let's both do one." And then he was like, "I'm a better dancer." And I was like, "Eat shit, dude." [laughs]

    11. JR

      [laughs] There's something about him saying he's better at something that's infuriating.

    12. TS

      I know. It's so crazy. 'Cause it's just, um, it's just like wild un- unhinged confidence, you know?

    13. JR

      [laughs]

    14. TS

      And the truth is, I gotta give him his credit. He is, he is capable of so much of this stuff too. So some of it-

    15. JR

      Well, he's a great athlete

    16. TS

      ... great. He-

    17. JR

      That's why he's so confident about stuff

    18. TS

      ... he dropped, um, he dropped a bunch of weight, and then in our, we did our 5K a few weeks ago for the, the Netflix's joke, we did a 5K again. From last year to this year, he dropped 16 minutes off of his time.

    19. JR

      Holy shit.

    20. TS

      [laughs] I mean, I was like, "Dude"

    21. JR

      That's crazy.

    22. TS

      He dropped 50 pounds too.

    23. JR

      Can you imagine doing a 5K with a 50-pound vest on?

    24. TS

      It's crazy. It's really-

    25. JR

      That's n- I think about that every time I work out with a vest on, and my vest that I usually work out with is only 25 pounds.

    26. TS

      25 pounds.

    27. JR

      Which is like a normal amount that people lose.

    28. TS

      Yeah, yeah.

    29. JR

      Like this is crazy how much harder everything is.

    30. TS

      So much harder. Yeah. It's great to wear those on like a hike.

  3. 2:42 – 3:47

    Weighted vests, training for hunting season, and the reality of mountain packs

    1. JR

      I have a 35-pounder I wear when I walk the dog, and then I have another one that's this, uh, it's an actual, um, backpack frame-

    2. TS

      Mm-hmm

    3. JR

      ... that I put plates on it, and I can get it up to 90 pounds.

    4. TS

      I did a hike with a 50 on and I had to take that shit off after.

    5. JR

      It's fucking hard, man.

    6. TS

      It's really hard.

    7. JR

      The 45 pou- I do with one 45-pound plate, so like the backpack itself is probably about four pounds, and then the plate is another 45.

    8. TS

      That, that shoulder and neck area just starts to just go on you.

    9. JR

      Mm-hmm. It's rough.

    10. TS

      Yeah. It's really rough.

    11. JR

      I do it before hunting season though, 'cause it's like the best thing to prepare you-

    12. TS

      Yeah

    13. JR

      ... for actually having a backpack on-

    14. TS

      Yeah

    15. JR

      ... in the mountains.

    16. TS

      Yeah.

    17. JR

      Like, 'cause you don't realize how... You're carrying a bow, you're carrying your... I don't pack my whole camp on my back.

    18. TS

      Mm-hmm.

    19. JR

      Like some guys, when they go out into the backcountry for like 8, 10 days, they'll have a 80-pound, 60-pound pack because they've got their food for like a week in there, and then they have like their bedding, and they have like some kind of a shelter.

    20. TS

      Do you go hunt like that, like that level?

    21. JR

      No, I don't do that anymore.

    22. TS

      Like-

    23. JR

      I've done it a few times.

    24. TS

      You have.

    25. JR

      But I don't like it. Um-

    26. TS

      My boys are hitting me up, like they wanna go hunting.

    27. JR

      Really?

    28. TS

      Yeah, 'cause I take them shooting, but we just shoot targets.

  4. 3:47 – 5:00

    Texas pig hunting: infestation scale, open season rules, and why they must be culled

    1. JR

      Oh, well we have a lease out here. We can take you pig hunting.

    2. TS

      Oh my goodness.

    3. JR

      They have to kill them. They have so many of them, dude. They're s-

    4. TS

      Yeah

    5. JR

      ... they're just, they're... It's the craziest infestation of animals you've ever seen. You hear them in the bushes. [grunting] They sound like demons. They're everywhere. There's so many of them, dude.

    6. TS

      That's crazy.

    7. JR

      Texas has millions and millions of pigs.

    8. TS

      Is it really that many?

    9. JR

      Oh, yeah. I don't even know what the full number is. Like, but they don't know because it goes up every month. So the, the thing is like wild pigs have as many as three litters a year, and they could have as many as six piglets per litter.

    10. TS

      Jesus.

    11. JR

      Yeah. And they start giving birth at six months old.

    12. TS

      And then do they do the thing? 'Cause like with a lot of, um, with a lot of, you know, animals that they, that they say you can hunt these, it's because they are destroying like the ecosystem.

    13. JR

      Oh, yeah. Destroying everything.

    14. TS

      Really?

    15. JR

      So what is the number? 2.6 to 4 million wild pigs. Isn't that nuts? That's in Texas.

    16. TS

      God.

    17. JR

      That's just Texas. That's just Texas. 2.6 to 4 million is fucking bonkers.

    18. TS

      How long does that hunting season last here?

    19. JR

      It's 100% all day long, at night. You shoot them with night vision. Yeah.

    20. TS

      Wow.

    21. JR

      You can shoot them, you can shoot them every day, all day.

  5. 5:00 – 9:52

    From field to plate: cooking wild hog, trichinosis risks, and Jesse Griffiths’ hunt-butcher-cook school

    1. TS

      The only time I've ever hunted in my life was hog hunting in Florida.

    2. JR

      Well, they're, they taste great. The, I mean, like barbecued pig, like if you do it right. You have to be careful because you can get trichinosis if you under cook it. It's not like pork that you get from a restaurant. They're eating everything. They, they eat each other.

    3. TS

      Oof.

    4. JR

      Like if one pig dies, they sometimes they die in fights. They fight with each other and they die, or sometimes they get hit by a hunter and they live and then they die and then they, the pigs eat them. So they'll eat dead deers, they'll eat skunks, raccoons.

    5. TS

      Anything.

    6. JR

      Anything, anything, anything.

    7. TS

      So you have to cook it well.

    8. JR

      Roots. You gotta cook the shitThere's a good friend of mine named Jesse Griffiths. He owns Dai Due Restaurant.

    9. TS

      Uh-huh.

    10. JR

      And, uh, he's an awesome chef, like an amazing chef. And Dai Due, if you've never been there before, y- you gotta go there. It's fucking incredible. And so a lot of it is, like, Texas wild game that he serves. He serves, like, nilgai, like, which is like w- th- so, so there's only animals that you can serve that you hunt are ones that people own-

    11. TS

      Yeah

    12. JR

      ... like exotics or pigs. So he has, like, wild boar sausage and wi-

    13. TS

      He has a place here?

    14. JR

      Yeah, it's called Dai Due.

    15. TS

      Oh, I think I have that written down on my list.

    16. JR

      It's legit.

    17. TS

      That's-

    18. JR

      What I was gonna say is Jesse, he has a cooking school.

    19. TS

      It is. It's number three on my, on my list there.

    20. JR

      Oh, it's super legit. It's one of the first places I went when I moved here.

    21. TS

      Really?

    22. JR

      Yeah, because he had been on my friend Steve Rinella's podcast, and then he came on my podcast, and when he was on Steve's I was like, "God, that guy's so interesting. Like, who is that guy?" And then he introduces me to him, and then we went hunting together, Steve and I, in South Texas, like right on the Mexican border.

    23. TS

      Mm-hmm.

    24. JR

      And Jesse went, too, and Jesse cooked for us. Oh my God, it was sensational.

    25. TS

      Oh my God.

    26. JR

      He's so good. He cooks diver ducks, and diver ducks are kinda gross because they're the ones that go under the water and they eat all the mulch at the bottom and stuff.

    27. TS

      Uh-huh.

    28. JR

      But what he does is he has some kind of crazy marinating process. So he marinates them for, like, an extended period of time, and then he grilled them, and oh my God.

    29. TS

      And Dai Due serves what kind of food?

    30. JR

      It's mostly... It's like, uh, they have steaks, they have fish, they have everything, but it's mostly Texas food.

  6. 9:52 – 12:29

    Special-ops pig raids and Tannerite feeder explosions: Texas feral hog warfare

    1. JR

      You know, uh, Taylor Sheridan, the guy who produced Yellowstone?

    2. TS

      Yeah. Oh, sure.

    3. JR

      He's a friend of mine, and he has a giant ranch. It's a crazy ranch.

    4. TS

      Yeah. 'Cause I think he has the biggest ranch in Texas.

    5. JR

      Yeah, and he had a pig problem. So he literally brought in these fucking special ops guys, and they trained, like, like as if they were going to go attack some insurgents-

    6. TS

      On a mission? Yeah

    7. JR

      ... to kill pigs.

    8. TS

      Really?

    9. JR

      And they-- Yeah, they plotted it all out. They, they strategized. They made a plan, and they went out, and they fucking annihilated, like, a, a bunch of pigs.

    10. TS

      That's pretty fucking rad.

    11. JR

      Well, pretty-- Yeah, in pretty violent ways. [laughs]

    12. TS

      I'm sure. [laughs]

    13. JR

      Like-

    14. TS

      I'm sure

    15. JR

      ... there's some crazy videos online of people using thermite. Do you know what-- No, not thermite. What's that stuff called, Jamie, that blows up? Tannerite. Tannerite. Tannerite? Yeah. Tannerite.

    16. TS

      That's how they're blowing up the pigs?

    17. JR

      So what they do is they'll set up a feeder.

    18. TS

      Yeah.

    19. JR

      And then at the feeder they have Tannerite.

    20. TS

      Mm-hmm.

    21. JR

      And so, like, when the feeders go off, the animals hear it, and then they run towards the feeder.

    22. TS

      Oh my God.

    23. JR

      And usually the feeder is for deer, and then the pigs usually kick the deer, ah, and the d- deer just say, "Fuck this," and they run out of there.

    24. TS

      Yeah.

    25. JR

      And you got like 30, 40 pigs. And so-

    26. TS

      [laughs] Uh-uh.

    27. JR

      [laughs] They fucking blow these pigs to smithereens. Bro, it's so wrong, but th- see if you can find any videos of one where they're, like, on a feeder because the camera's, like, really close. The camera's like 20 yards from it.

    28. TS

      Holy shit.

    29. JR

      Yeah, like these. Like, watch this. This is so fucked up. They just-

    30. TS

      Oh my God.

  7. 12:29 – 30:23

    Dictators and pure sadism: Uday Hussein’s reign of terror (and why it’s ‘modern’ horror)

    1. TS

      Speaking of violence, I was, um, I was, I was reading and researching, uh, Uday Hussein.

    2. JR

      Whoa.

    3. TS

      Man.

    4. JR

      Yeah, dark.

    5. TS

      He, he's the darkest.

    6. JR

      The evilest, him and his brother.

    7. TS

      But Uday was the worst.

    8. JR

      He was the worst?

    9. TS

      He was the worst, yeah. He, he was the eldest.

    10. JR

      Oh, they-

    11. TS

      'Cause I keep reading about dictators, you know? And I was, I was reading about Idi Amin and Mussolini, Stalin, and then you get to Hussein. Hussein's, like, a really interesting story, like, from birth, right? His mother didn't want him, which is a very kinda unique thing, like a mother rejecting her own-

    12. JR

      Why didn't she want him?

    13. TS

      He, uh, his father had died before he was born, and she thought, "This, I don't want this kid." And so when, when she was-- When he was born, she was like, "He's a, like, a devil child."

    14. JR

      Oh, Jesus Christ.

    15. TS

      And so she rejected him from birth.

    16. JR

      Meanwhile, she was right.

    17. TS

      She was kinda right.

    18. JR

      Isn't that crazy?

    19. TS

      It is ra- it is crazy.

    20. JR

      Do you think she made him that way?

    21. TS

      I think usually when you see, like, these really, um, horrifically violent people and as adults, there's, there's almost always childhood trauma or neglect.

    22. JR

      I'm sure.

    23. TS

      So that formula is almost always there.

    24. JR

      So it's a self-fulfilling prophecy for him.

    25. TS

      It kind of-- I think it kind of is, and he was, he was-

    26. JR

      Or maybe she just fucking knew. Maybe she had some gypsy instincts.

    27. TS

      She, she had a feeling, like-

    28. JR

      She just knew-

    29. TS

      ... this-

    30. JR

      ... this one-

  8. 30:23 – 39:48

    AI is here: deepfakes, AI OnlyFans, and why students are booing commencement speeches

    1. JR

      You never know what's real on X, though. There, and there's so many people that are-Posting from foreign accounts that are just full of shit and just-

    2. TS

      And there's-

    3. JR

      ... getting in trouble

    4. TS

      ... and there's a lot of AI shit that is starting to trick more and more people. Like it was-

    5. JR

      Oh, yeah

    6. TS

      ... for a second you could always decipher it earl- on the earlier stuff.

    7. JR

      Mm-hmm.

    8. TS

      Now it's getting, it's getting better and better.

    9. JR

      Oh, yeah, war footage. There's a lot of people that are posting war footage that was straight out of video games. [laughs]

    10. TS

      How good is that gonna be though, the AI stuff?

    11. JR

      It's already so good. It tricked me.

    12. TS

      I know, but we're still in like the early phases of it, right?

    13. JR

      The only thing that tricks me, or that doesn't trick me, is that I know that AI is real.

    14. TS

      Yeah.

    15. JR

      So I look at it, I go, "This might be AI."

    16. TS

      It's like, yeah.

    17. JR

      Because you have to think that way.

    18. TS

      Yeah.

    19. JR

      Which is a new thing.

    20. TS

      It's a new thing. It's a new thing. It's, it's, it's the, the limits are-

    21. JR

      Yeah

    22. TS

      ... well, it's, it's limitless.

    23. JR

      Limitless.

    24. TS

      Yeah.

    25. JR

      AI OnlyFans, they have AI girls that are doing OnlyFans. They're completely fake.

    26. TS

      Wow.

    27. JR

      Yeah, and they're making a lot of money.

    28. TS

      Oh, I heard about this. Yeah, I did see this.

    29. JR

      They're making a lot of money, and they have like a whole team of people that respond to all these sad guys.

    30. TS

      Oh, my God.

  9. 39:48 – 44:06

    When your best work gets called fake: AI accusations, arrogant teachers, and motivation through spite

    1. JR

      But then there's also like when kids are really good at writing stuff and they bring it to the teachers, the teachers will tell them that it's AI.

    2. TS

      Yeah.

    3. JR

      And you'll say, "No, it's not AI. I'm just smart, you fucking cunt." [laughs]

    4. TS

      Yeah. [laughs] Yeah, that's gotta be, that's such an upsetting fucking feeling.

    5. JR

      Yeah. My, my daughter had an, an experience like that with, uh, someone who like she's preparing for some tests, and she was doing some stuff, and the, the person who was the tutor was accusing her of using AI. She's like, "No, I, I wrote this just-"

    6. TS

      Yeah

    7. JR

      "... 'cause I know what I'm- I actually studied."

    8. TS

      I studied, yeah.

    9. JR

      But it's so insulting. Say-

    10. TS

      So insulting

    11. JR

      ... "Come on, you used AI."

    12. TS

      It happened to me in college, obviously not AI, but like I turned in a paper as a freshman, and my professor was like, "You didn't write this."

    13. JR

      Oh.

    14. TS

      And I was like, I'm like, "I'm a freshman. How do you know how I write? I just started." And I had to have like a one-on-one meeting with him.

    15. JR

      What a douchebag.

    16. TS

      It was so... But it's a enraging feeling.

    17. JR

      Yeah.

    18. TS

      You know? I was like, "I did write this." He was like, "Really? You wrote this?" I'm like, "Yeah, man."

    19. JR

      Isn't that gross? Instead of saying-

    20. TS

      It was so gross

    21. JR

      ... "Wow, amazing."

    22. TS

      Yeah.

    23. JR

      "You wrote this? That's great. I'm looking forward to having you in my class."

    24. TS

      He had no reference for what my writing would be like. It's like how do you right away just go to that?

    25. JR

      Ugh.

    26. TS

      And I had to go see the chair and be like-

    27. JR

      Ugh

    28. TS

      ... "He fucking sucks."

    29. JR

      Arrogant teachers are a problem.

    30. TS

      His name was Kermit. I remember that.

  10. 44:06 – 52:40

    The comedy grind: odds of making it, growth vs. stagnation, and disappearing prop/character acts

    1. JR

      Ugh. Yeah, it's funny, man. It's like, d- you're always gonna have people like that in your life, but the thing is, is, like, they are right some of the time, most of the time. Like, if you think about how many people that start doing stand-up comedy as an open micer, and even become a middle act, how many of them go on to... Like, it's more likely once you become a middle act that you'll eventually become a headliner and make a good living.

    2. TS

      Yeah, yeah.

    3. JR

      But when you're an open micer, man, the chances are probably-

    4. TS

      The probability is low, yeah

    5. JR

      ... what do you think it is? Is it one in 500 maybe that become a professional?

    6. TS

      That's a really good question. I, I would actually think it's probably at, a worse scenario. 'Cause you don't realize with, like, how busy your life is and what you do how unaware you are of how many people are doing open mics. It really-

    7. JR

      Well, I'm aware because I own a club.

    8. TS

      Well, I'm saying when, but I'm, I'm saying in all the clubs around the country-

    9. JR

      Scale-wise, yeah

    10. TS

      ... I'm saying.

    11. JR

      Oh, yeah.

    12. TS

      You realize-

    13. JR

      Oh, it's nuts

    14. TS

      ... it's probably not one in 500, it's probably one in 75.

    15. JR

      But even if you see, like at a club, like if you, if you go to an open mic night on a regular basis, you know, you might see 20, 30 people go up, right?

    16. TS

      Mm-hmm.

    17. JR

      Over the course of the night.

    18. TS

      Mm-hmm.

    19. JR

      And if you see those people, there might be one of those people that has a chance.

    20. TS

      True.

    21. JR

      A chance.

    22. TS

      A chance.

    23. JR

      Even a chance in their current state. Like, there's people that suck for the first few times-

    24. TS

      And then-

    25. JR

      ... and then they get a good laugh, and then they figure out how to loosen up, and then they eventually catch-

    26. TS

      Yes

    27. JR

      ... and then they take off.

    28. TS

      True.

    29. JR

      It's, it's totally possible.

    30. TS

      Yeah.

  11. 52:40 – 1:03:31

    UK comedy themes, Ari Shaffir’s ‘Jew,’ and ancient anxieties about masturbation (Kabbalah demon lore)

    1. JR

      Well, there's a problem with that. Not a problem, but they have a different style, right? In the Edinburgh, the comedy festival-

    2. TS

      Yeah

    3. JR

      ... encourages that style, where, like, every year someone will have a theme.

    4. TS

      The theme thing is-- And I, I-

    5. JR

      Yeah

    6. TS

      ... I have to say, I do think that that is a really interesting challenge.

    7. JR

      Oh, yeah.

    8. TS

      Right? Like, that is not an easy thing to be like, "What's your show about?" "My dad." And it's an hour.

    9. JR

      Oh.

    10. TS

      And you're like, "Fucking A, it's an hour about that." And they're like, "Yeah." And that's the show for the year.

    11. JR

      Yeah.

    12. TS

      And then the next year they're like, "This, this show's about my first year at university." And, like, it's just, like, that theme, that's not easy to put together.

    13. JR

      You want a cigar?

    14. TS

      Fuck yeah.

    15. JR

      Make it dark. Well, you know, let me get some ones that haven't been sitting out. Yeah, that's a hard thing to do, man. I wouldn't wanna do it.

    16. TS

      The, um-- Like, that's what I actually really-- I really respected and appreciated so much, um, Ari's show, Jew.

    17. JR

      Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

    18. TS

      Because that's a themed show.

    19. JR

      That's right.

    20. TS

      And it's really good.

    21. JR

      It's really good. Yeah, Ari worked on that for a long fucking time.

    22. TS

      I remember. I remember seeing him workshop it.

    23. JR

      Do you know how it started?

    24. TS

      No.

    25. JR

      It started, um, he would do sets at The Comedy Store, and then he would do, like, Ask a Jew. And, like, someone would ask him questions. Like, for people that don't know, Ari went to Israel-

    26. TS

      Yeah

    27. JR

      ... and he, like, studied the Talmud every day for, like, 12 hours a day.

    28. TS

      He was a hardcore Jew.

    29. JR

      He was a hardcore-- He was deep-

    30. TS

      Yeah

  12. 1:03:31 – 1:13:25

    Noah’s Ark claims and the Durupinar site: radar scans, tourism incentives, and flood-story origins

    1. JR

      those things were, it's very difficult to tell after all this time. One of the weird ones is they think they might have found the, the Ark of Noah. Recently? No, like, they, they've identified it quite a while ago, but now they've done, like, ground-penetrating radar scans. This thing is the exact same shape as is described in the Bible. It looks like a boat, like it's the shape of a boat. It's in the place where they said that it rested. Like, in the Bible it said it rested on Mount Ararat in Turkey. That's where it is. That's where it is? And this thing is, like, the shape of a boat. How-- And it was-- But how long ago was that found? That's a good question. I wanna say, like, the '80s or the '90s. Oh, that's-- Okay. So it's not super recent. Not super recent, but back then it was just a photo 'cause it's, like, really high up in the mountains. It's just a photo of this impression, this feature in the ground. Like, what is this? Hmm. And then recently they started using technology to scan it, and I think they've actually found petrified wood. It says it was discovered in 1948 after- '48? Oh, wow. Heavy rain and wind- Petrified wood ... combined with three earthquakes exposed the formation from the surrounding mud. Whoa. And that's where it said it was too? Like, in the area? Yeah. Whoa. Yeah, it's, like, where it supposedly rested according to the Bible. Did they extract it or leave it there? No, it's still there. Wow. We shou- See if you can find a good image of it. It's very weird because you look at it, you go, "What the fuck is that? That does look like a boat." I just- The story's bonkers. The story doesn't make any sense. I think the story's a local story. The ark story? Yeah. Yeah, it's a local story. It's like the idea that Noah had 40 different animals or two- Yeah ... of each animal. Like, that's not the whole-- Animals eat other ani-- Like, I had a whole bit about that. Yeah, yeah. Explaining it to a- Yeah ... five-year-old with Down syndrome. [laughs] But if you-- The problem, though, is back then they didn't know what was going on in Australia. They didn't know what was going on in New Zealand. So if you had a, a local flood- Mm-hmm ... like, and you did save a bunch of animals, like, that's the story. That's the story. Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. So there probably was some guy who had a bunch of farm animals that he put on a boat and s- saved them and lived, and a bunch of the people died. But the question is did this guy really get a message from God saying to build an ark? So look at this thing. Holy shit. Isn't that crazy? So- I was- Go ahead. I was, I was reading in the, uh, in the Wiki that when they did these first scans back in 1988, I think it was saying the guy who helped him do the scans went into court and said that it's BS, that it's the ark. But that's- Right, but that was in the '80s. Right. But, but I mean, the guy-- That's what I was trying to figure out, what, what's different about these new scans they supposedly just did. So let's click on that link. What does it say about the new No- [laughs] It's noahscans.com. [laughs] That's why I was, uh, uh- That's how it go? [laughs] Go there. All right. Let's see what kind of virus you get. So this is some guy who's, like, really into Noah's Ark. Do you have to sign up to- Oh, click on that ... that site? Oh, look, I found it. He's like, "It's mine." So that's what the shape of it supposedly looked like in the Bible, and this is his fucking team. Hmm. Wait a minute. What does the sign say? Yeah. Noah's- The sign say Noah's Ark? So they, they all think-- So maybe there's a whole tourism thing attached to the- Yeah, PR. 100%. Yeah, of course. 100%. Of course. Noah's Ark discovered new evidence from Durupinar site in Turkey. What is the new evidence? And the ark rested upon the mountains of Ararat. That's exactly where they said it was gonna be. Uh, even in the Quran it says that. But how can a guy-- I mean, not that I would know, but how does a guy go, "It's not that, though"?You know what I mean? Like, how does he know? He doesn't know. He doesn't know. No, so that's what I was trying to get at. I was trying to read it. He, there was, they, when they scan, they scan only for, like, iron or something like that. Uh-huh. I think based off of what they scanned, I think he was probably saying you can't say that- Right ... is what that is based on. Oh, then, then he's probably right. Yeah. But that's in, that's in 2000... That's in 1980. I can't read. So it says in 2023, the 19- 2019 GPR data was analyzed again, and American researchers uncovered corridors and room-like chambers running the full length of the formation, consistent with a large, intelligently designed vessel. The Turkish soil test in 2024 also showed that samples inside the structure contained nearly three times more organic material than those from outside, suggesting the remains of an ancient biological or man-made substances. Hmm. Since 2019, a joint scientific team has applied GPR, ERT, LIDAR, and chemical analysis to determine whether the Durup- Durupinar formation is a natural geological fold or a buried decayed wood ship preserved in the mountains of Ararat. So I, I have to, they don't know. It's kind of crazy that it's, it matches it in terms of, like, it has all these characteristics. Yeah. It has, like, what, what look like some openings. Uh- I mean, it's cool as shit to explore ... it's pretty cool. I mean, even if they're like, "This is not that," to find that, an old ship like that is still cool. If it, I mean, why is there a ship on the top- Yeah ... of a mountain in Turkey? I know. But this is why it's interesting. But, but if it really was a boat- I don't know what the map rate is. Did you see that, um, uh, uh, I guess it's not recently discovered, but it's recently been cleared, another Incan ruin site that they found? Oh, they keep finding those, dude. But this one was, like, elaborate. Yeah. And, and they, I guess they had just recently, I think, recently cleared it enough so you can see how vast it is. It's massive. Is it in Peru? It's in Peru, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They found a lot of them in Peru. Yeah, this one, the guy, it was, like, a CNN report about it, and I was like, "Holy shit." Yeah. I'd never heard of this place before. It's nuts, dude. All the, the Aztec stuff, the Incan stuff, it's like people were living here long before the, the end of the Ice Age. Yeah. They were, they were living here a long fucking time ago, man, and they're just starting to piece that all together and try to figure out, like, how long have people been here? They used to think it was Clovis first. That was the thing about the Americas. They thought that for the longest time it was the Clovis people, which was, like, 13,000 years ago, and then they found footprints in White Sands, New Mexico- Mm-hmm ... that are 22,000 years old. Goddamn. And so they're like, "Okay, it's definitely not 13,000." Like, how old is... So 22,000 is long before the Ice Age. The end of the Ice Age was, like, 11,000-some years ago. The Incans are more recent than that, though. They weren't around back then. Yeah, but so, like, it's like how long have people been here? Have people been there? Yeah, we don't- Yeah, and what, what were they doing? Is that all carbon dating that they do? So this is where it's at. Yeah. It's, like, in the middle of nowhere. Holy shit. On the map. Whoa, that's where the ark is? That's where this Durupinar site is. Fuck. Fuck. What does it look like from Google Earth? Can you zoom in on it, on the site? This is it. Is it, can you get closer and see the actual formation? Well, that's where the center is. I'm trying to find, uh- The spot. Where's the fucking boat, bitch? Is that it right there? Like, near it? Above it? Above that little indication red marker? Like, to your right, uh, right above. Is that it? I don't know. I don't think. It says it's 170 feet long. It shouldn't, it shouldn't be that big in this picture, I guess. Hmm. Maybe the... Huh. Hmm. Do you think when you do the tour they tell you, "We think," or they're like, "This is it"? Oh, right there. There, there. It's marked here. There it is. This thing. Oh, okay. Oh, there it is. They tell you, they tell you it's it, right? Of course. Yeah. When you look at the r- the ground, though, I was like, is it... But hold on a second. Here's what's weird. Look at, look at how much water erosion is on the ground. Yeah. Like, g- g- close back in again. I was trying to find, like- When you close back in, look at, like, that all looks like rivers ran through that shit. That, yeah. That's, dude- Yeah ... that's what's fucked about so many parts of Earth, is that, but that also looks like that could've been just a bunch of sediment and shit. I can't see the elevation. It's tough to tell the elevation here. Kind of crazy, though. But it does look like a ton- In the shape of a boat ... a ton of erosion happened. Yeah. Well, a ton of water erosion. Yeah. The, the floods were fucking real, man. There's too many different tales of floods in too many different religions. There's giant mountains to the north of it. Hmm. And there's a sea down here, but that's pretty far. Bro, I bet that whole thing washed. Yeah. I guarantee. Oof. The, the, the stuff that ran- I mean, if you look this far out, you can see that it washed over for sure. Oh, yeah, look at that. Like, look at the- Yeah ... below, right above where it says Google Maps. Like, that whole thing looks like it was washed out. Yeah. That all looks like it was washed out a long time ago. Yeah. We've looked at this part before too, but yeah. Yeah. Well, Randall Carlson, um, he's a, he's, like, a real expert in, um, not just the, the mythology around the, the impacts of, uh, the Younger Dryas impact theory, but about, like, what possibly could have happened to the ice sheets and what created the Great Lakes, and what kind of insane water. You would be talking about the volume of water and the power of that water. If you're, if all of the ice caps get hit with asteroids, like boom, boom, boom. Like, that's what they think, that somewhere around 11,800 years ago, we ran into a comet storm, and they slammed into North America, and then you just get this insane wash of water that tears through the land, and just fucking insane, impossible volume of water just carving its way through mountains, carving its way through the landscape, flattening everything in front of it. And that's how

    2. TS

      ... the Earth to the shape that it's in right now

    3. JR

      Well, that's the shape of North America

    4. TS

      Yeah

    5. JR

      There's a lot of, like, evidence of that. And like, when you- he's got all these slides that he shows. See if you can find some of his stuff.

  13. 1:13:25 – 1:17:31

    Catastrophe geology: Younger Dryas impact theory, megaflood evidence, and Jupiter as Earth’s “bodyguard”

    1. TS

      I was-

    2. JR

      Where he goes over it. It's pretty interesting

    3. TS

      ... reading how, like, we get saved countless times a year just by Jupiter-

    4. JR

      Oh, yeah

    5. TS

      ... just 'cause comets are on their way here.

    6. JR

      Yeah. Jupiter's like our bodyguard.

    7. TS

      Yeah, to destroy us.

    8. JR

      Yeah. Yeah, and it just slams into that giant gas giant.

    9. TS

      But we all think of that as, like, this sci-fi kind of fun-

    10. JR

      Uh-huh

    11. TS

      ... crazy movie thing. Like, that's really real, though.

    12. JR

      Oh, yeah. Well, look at the moon. The moon's covered in craters.

    13. TS

      Mm-hmm.

    14. JR

      I mean, the, we live in a shooting gallery.

    15. TS

      Yeah.

    16. JR

      So this is some of the stuff. Like, look at that. Tell me that doesn't look like water-

    17. TS

      Mm-hmm

    18. JR

      ... washed over that. The Columbia River. Isn't that nuts?

    19. TS

      Yeah.

    20. JR

      There's, there's tons of these. And, you know, he does a fantastic job of breaking it all down, but he thinks that these big canyons, even the Grand Canyon, was carved, like, relatively quickly. He thinks this idea that these things, that this, all this water erosion took place over millions of years, like, I bet it wasn't. He goes, "I think it was very quickly."

    21. TS

      What's really, really quickly mean, though?

    22. JR

      I don't know. I mean, who knows? But you're talking about giant chunks of ice and rock from the sky that slam into the Earth, change the climate completely, cause massive flooding, just huge amounts of water just rushing over the land, and it just completely makes sense that that's what the stories are.

    23. TS

      Yeah.

    24. JR

      There's so many stories of a flood.

    25. TS

      Yeah.

    26. JR

      Epic of Gilgamesh. It's in the Quran. It's in the Bible. It's in... Like, they all have stories of a great flood. And then, you know, when they see, you see things like the Great Lakes, which the Great Lakes are fucking huge, man.

    27. TS

      Yeah.

    28. JR

      Those used to all be glaciers. They used to all be glacier.

    29. TS

      I wonder how many of those comets it takes to, like, change the makeup of, you know-

    30. JR

      Well, it depends on the size

  14. 1:17:31 – 1:21:29

    Deep ocean mysteries: ‘moving domes,’ undersea UFO bases, and James Cameron’s Mariana Trench dive

    1. JR

      Oh, yeah. Well, there's species that, uh, I was read- watching this video that Forrest Galante had. There's a bunch of species that have only been discovered, like, one or two times, one or two specimens. Like, there's a p- specific whale that they only have, like, one specimen of.

    2. TS

      What are they?

    3. JR

      Yeah, what is that fucking ghost?

    4. TS

      Translucent, like-

    5. JR

      Jimmy, I'm gonna send you this 'cause this is very weird. It's a very strange thing that I saw.

    6. TS

      Holy fuck.

    7. JR

      I, I wanted to send you this 'cause I don't know if this is legit or not. Um, but I've seen it before, and it's this thing that they're, they're detailing that's moving around on the bottom of the ocean, and it seems to be carving a path on the bottom of the ocean. So-

    8. TS

      Uh, is the scene from Google Earth?

    9. JR

      I don't know.

    10. TS

      'Cause they're usually not accurate.

    11. JR

      It's not?

    12. TS

      No, just the way that they track that from the satellites isn't the best, but, but I'll see what you say.

    13. JR

      Well, the thing about this one, I, I don't know if it's true, but it looks like there's a path that it has on the ground on the bottom of the ocean.

    14. TS

      Yeah, but that's not-

    15. JR

      How do you-

    16. TS

      How are they getting that information? That's why I'm asking you. That's [laughs]

    17. JR

      I have no idea. I got it from Billy Carson. So Billy Carson has been known to, uh, engage in some-

    18. TS

      It's on the screen. Google Earth says-

    19. JR

      ... gray areas

    20. TS

      ... a two-mile dome slowly crawling across the Pacific floor.

    21. JR

      Okay. So what the fuck is that? Two-mile dome slowly crossing-

    22. TS

      It's a two-mile dome?

    23. JR

      Uh-huh. Two miles across, slowly crawling. So look, it, it looks like it's leaving a trail.

    24. TS

      Yeah.

    25. JR

      So is that real?

    26. TS

      I'll have to see what they're getting this information from.

    27. JR

      There you go.

    28. TS

      It's like we're, uh, hey, Google Earth doesn't take video, so like it's-

    29. JR

      Stop being a party pooper. I'm just trying to find answers.

    30. TS

      Sorry, I'm just trying to deduce things.

  15. 1:21:29 – 1:37:42

    Titan sub disaster lessons, carbon fiber obsession, and the ‘fun vs fast’ philosophy of car collecting

    1. JR

      He de- he helped design that. When that one, remember when that one imploded?

    2. TS

      Yeah.

    3. JR

      The crazy one?

    4. TS

      Yeah. He was like the one of the top people speaking about what they got. He knew, he knew exactly what they got wrong.

    5. JR

      Yeah. Well, apparently there were some whistleblowers in that company.

    6. TS

      Yeah. I watched that doc. It was incredible.

    7. JR

      Uh, yeah. The, the people that built it were like, "Don't do this."

    8. TS

      And when they, when they would do the tests and the tests would go wrong, and he was like, "Get the fuck out of here." Like, "If you're gonna be negative, don't be around me." Yeah. That's really-

    9. JR

      God, there's so many crazy people out there, so many legitimately crazy people that just wanna be right no matter what.

    10. TS

      He couldn't accept being wrong. He just couldn't accept it.

    11. JR

      You know, send people to their death in the ocean in the most horrific way possible. You just get compressed instantaneously.

    12. TS

      And you just hear it start-

    13. JR

      Grr.

    14. TS

      Yeah.

    15. JR

      Yeah.

    16. TS

      You imagine you're looking around, you're like, "We're good."

    17. JR

      Tony used to have a bit about that.

    18. TS

      Really?

    19. JR

      He would, he would, uh, at the beginning of his set, he would take his microphone and he would scratch it on the stool, and people were like, "What are you doing?" That's the last thing those people in that submarine heard.

    20. TS

      Oh my God. [laughs] So dark. That's the, uh, hatch and por- eye port. That's, I think that's all James Cameron could see out of.

    21. JR

      Whoa.

    22. TS

      That guy's big, [laughs] that guy's big fucking mistake too isn't that he couldn't figure out how to design one that was capable. It's that he couldn't de- find, design one that was light enough to do multiple trips and be towed out. Like, in other words, the cost of hauling out the correct size and weight would've been too much for him to run this business where people could pay to do it, so he kept looking for lighter and lighter materials.

    23. JR

      Oh my God.

    24. TS

      To be, you know what I mean? So, 'cause-

    25. JR

      Oh my God

    26. TS

      ... 'cause then you could haul it out and it wouldn't be too much weight, and they're like, "No, but you need to have like steel."

    27. JR

      Oh my God.

    28. TS

      He's like, "Nah, that weighs too much."

    29. JR

      [laughs]

    30. TS

      "Let's do carbon fiber," you know?

  16. 1:37:42 – 2:30:31

    Back to comedy & culture wars: working new hours, Netflix freedom, Canada’s MAID program, and outrage at institutional incentives

    1. TS

      I went there like a week ago. It was super fun.

    2. JR

      I heard it was awesome during the Netflix festival.

    3. TS

      It was awesome.

    4. JR

      Was that when you were there?

    5. TS

      Yes.

    6. JR

      Yeah.

    7. TS

      It was so fun.

    8. JR

      Mm. Everybody said it was like the comedy store of old.

    9. TS

      Mm-hmm. It was great.

    10. JR

      Yeah, Peter Short texted me. Sent me some pictures and he's like, "Dude, you should be here. It's amazing."

    11. TS

      It was fucking bumping, man.

    12. JR

      That's nice.

    13. TS

      Yeah.

    14. JR

      That's nice.

    15. TS

      It was really fun. I would go in your club too. I'm working on a new hour, so it's been really fun to get reps.

    16. JR

      How long you been doing, uh, sets now?

    17. TS

      Not long.

    18. JR

      'Cause last time I talked to you-

    19. TS

      So like a month.

    20. JR

      Yeah?

    21. TS

      Yeah. Because-

    22. JR

      Do you wanna do a set Tuesday or Wednesday?

    23. TS

      I leave. I go back to LA. I, I got this thing I, I have to go fly out for to announce.

    24. JR

      Oh, what are you doing?

    25. TS

      Uh.

    26. JR

      Can you tell anybody?

    27. TS

      I don't think I can yet.

    28. JR

      Not yet? Oh, tell me.

    29. TS

      Yeah, I'll tell you.

    30. JR

      Okay, tell me.

Episode duration: 2:44:28

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