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Lewis HowesPSYCHOLOGICAL TRICKS To Be More Charismatic & Confident TODAY! | Vanessa Van Edwards
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At a glance
WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT
Vanessa Van Edwards Shares Research-Backed Cues for Charisma, Trust and Confidence
- Van Edwards says charisma requires a blend of warmth and competence, and that brilliant people often fail by showing only competence while others fail by showing only warmth.
- She describes people asking first 'Can I trust you?' and then 'Can I rely on you?', with cues like visible hands, comfortable distance on video, and real smiles that reach the eyes answering those questions.
- Drawing on her analysis of 495 Shark Tank pitches, she says successful pitchers greeted with hand gestures, sparked dopamine through interactivity and surprise, complimented specific Sharks, and avoided uptalk, while Ring founder Jamie Siminoff's pitch showed the cost of weak first-impression cues.
- She argues that words and emails prime people, so achievement-oriented and balanced warm and competent wording can improve performance, while words like 'busy' or 'late' do the opposite.
- She warns that these tools can be used for manipulation, but says danger-zone cues like lip purses, distancing, high blink rates and forced vocal tones leak, and that the answer to toxic people is boundaries rather than faking warmth.
IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING
5 ideasCharisma is a blend of warmth and competence
Van Edwards cites Susan Fiske's research to say that being all competent comes across as cold and intimidating, while being all warm gets you interrupted and not taken seriously.
Labeling a social rejection cue calms you down
She cites Matthew Lieberman's research showing that naming a cue, such as an eye roll or a fearful face, calms the amygdala, which she says gives you a backdoor to confidence through control.
Visible hands and open gestures build trust
The least successful Shark Tank pitchers hid their hands and skipped a hand greeting, while the best greeted the Sharks with a gesture, and she says gestures also help the speaker be more fluent.
Word choice primes other people
Sprinkling words like win, succeed or master into instructions improved performance in a study she describes, while words like busy, challenge or late in an email can prime people to feel more of those things.
Vocal inflection affects how competent you sound
She says uptalk makes people question you, as in Jamie Siminoff's pitch, while Obama's downward inflection sounds authoritative, and a power pause placed before an important point keeps people from interrupting.
WORDS WORTH SAVING
5 quotesLife is too short to fake it.
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You can be the smartest person in the world, you could have the best ideas, but if you don't share them right, you're not helping people help you.
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Your words have power. Your cues have power. Don't waste them.
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One word of gratitude is a grand gesture.
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I am my greatest self when I can show up somewhere as myself and not worry about having to hide, fake, or change.
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High quality AI-generated summary created from speaker-labeled transcript.
