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Lewis HowesLewis Howes

The Most EYE OPENING Speech On Why You're NOT HAPPY In Life... | Ed Mylett

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Ed MylettguestLewis Howeshost
Jun 8, 20221h 2mWatch on YouTube

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Transcript

  1. 0:00 – 2:45

    Owning insecurity while building confidence through humility

    1. EM

      You are the only human being with your combination of gifts that you were given, whatever they are, and your experience

    2. LH

      Mm-hmm

    3. EM

      And real human beings help real human beings by being-

    4. LH

      I think you gotta have a dream The School of Greatness. Really? [laughs] Yeah. Please welcome Lewis Howes. There's something unique about you, Ed, that's, no one else... And I'm not saying this 'cause you're here. I don't think I've said this to anyone on the show. There's something unique about you that I don't think I've ever experienced around anyone else.

    5. EM

      Hmm.

    6. LH

      There's an essence, there's a presence, there's a power, a command, an authority, a humble confidence. There's, like, this essence about you.

    7. EM

      Thank you.

    8. LH

      And I'm really curious, what do you think made you you?

    9. EM

      Yeah.

    10. LH

      What were the elements growing up that made you all the things you are now? Was it the, you know, pre-13, kind of everything that happened with your parents? Was it stuff more from school? Was it-

    11. EM

      Hmm

    12. LH

      ... a relationship that really kind of flipped these things on for you?

    13. EM

      Mm-hmm.

    14. LH

      What were the elements early on that made you this commanding, kind presence today?

    15. EM

      Well, thank you for that. I, uh, thank you. That's nice to hear. I, um, 'cause by the way, I love people that have that combo. Like, I love people with a lot of self-confidence-

    16. LH

      Yeah

    17. EM

      ... a lot of humility. 'Cause people with a lot of humility that have no self-confidence, you're kinda dragging them through life as a friend.

    18. LH

      [laughs]

    19. EM

      Someone with all the self-confidence, no humility, they're gonna burn out.

    20. LH

      Yeah.

    21. EM

      They're gonna make a mistake. They're not curious. They don't grow.

    22. LH

      Sh-

    23. EM

      I think that, I think even the reason I'm in the personal development space, why, why do I believe so much that people can change? I watched my dad do it. And then-

    24. LH

      That's-

    25. EM

      ... in my case, I had to learn these things, man, to be, like, a baseline functioning person. So my default personality is, uh, insecure.

    26. LH

      Even today?

    27. EM

      Even today.

    28. LH

      Come on.

    29. EM

      Very much.

    30. LH

      Really?

  2. 2:45 – 5:24

    Confidence that comes from intention, not achievement: the Wayne Dyer lesson

    1. EM

      I don't need other things. It's an internal game. I don't need other stuff. In other words, the, the stuff is really fleeting and temporary, so I don't need another, you know... I bought an island lately. You know that, right?

    2. LH

      [laughs]

    3. EM

      Like, when I bought this island, it didn't give me-

    4. LH

      That's crazy

    5. EM

      ... it didn't make me more confident. It just was something that I've always wanted to be able to do.

    6. LH

      Uh-huh.

    7. EM

      But I, I, I, it's not stuff. What needs to happen for me is that I'm most confident when I'm living in my intention, which is to serve. Which is to, like, help other people.

    8. LH

      Yeah.

    9. EM

      When I'm not doing that... Um, Wayne Dyer, when I met him really, really young, told me, "You're gonna change the world, Ed Mylett." And I'm li- and he, then he, I'm sure he said this to a lot of people, but he complimented me. I met him on a beach. We watched the sun come out together.

    10. LH

      Maui?

    11. EM

      In Maui. Yeah, I was running on the beach.

    12. LH

      That's where he lived.

    13. EM

      That's where he lived.

    14. LH

      Yeah.

    15. EM

      Yeah, I was running on the beach and we ran into each other.

    16. LH

      What was he like? I never met him.

    17. EM

      Incredible. So he became a dear friend of mine. But I'm running, you know, you get up before the sun comes up. I'm running on this, I'd won this incentive trip. And there's this bald dude running towards me-

    18. LH

      [laughs]

    19. EM

      ... with this hairy back. I'll never forget this sweaty, hairy back. And it was so long ago, 'cause I had a Sony Walkman on.

    20. LH

      [laughs] Wow.

    21. EM

      And he had one, and he ran by me. I go, "That was Wayne Dyer." And I said, "Dr. Dyer, you changed my life." And he had this deep voice like mine, and he pulls ahead and he goes, "Well, I doubt that."

    22. LH

      Wow.

    23. EM

      And he goes, "I bet you changed your life." But he goes, "How did I help you?" And then he walked towards me, and we lit- I get emotional. Like, God's been so good to me. We sat on this beach together and watched the sun come up for about an hour and a half. And about an hour into it-

    24. LH

      [laughs]

    25. EM

      ... he goes, "You're gonna change the world." And I'm sure he said this to a lot of people. And he's like, "And it's, you're very talented, you're brilliant, you're a good communicator," you know. And he goes, "And that's not the reason why." And he was writing a book at that time called The Power of Intention.

    26. LH

      That's a great book.

    27. EM

      Great book.

    28. LH

      Incredible book.

    29. EM

      And he goes, "You really intend to help people."

    30. LH

      Mm-hmm.

  3. 5:24 – 7:56

    The 'holy trilogy' and the 'one more' standard for self-confidence

    1. LH

      So [sighs] as an athlete, I gained confidence from results.

    2. EM

      Mm-hmm.

    3. LH

      From actually getting the result of becoming better.

    4. EM

      Yeah.

    5. LH

      Right? I was not good-

    6. EM

      That's one way to get it

    7. LH

      ... right, I was not good, and then I put in the effort-

    8. EM

      Yep

    9. LH

      ... and all the mistakes or the failures or the feedback, what I like to call it, gave me the lessons and taught me how to get better to-

    10. EM

      Mm-hmm

    11. LH

      ... accomplish the result that I was looking for.

    12. EM

      Yeah.

    13. LH

      Achieve the goal, win the game, or just improve my abilities.

    14. EM

      Mm-hmm.

    15. LH

      So what I'm hearing you say is y- Link, also link co- uh, confidence to intention

    16. EM

      Mm-hmm

    17. LH

      Some people say link it to the effort

    18. EM

      Mm-hmm

    19. LH

      Right? Like, the effort that you show up

    20. EM

      Mm-hmm

    21. LH

      That you just keep showing up, and others talk about the results

    22. EM

      Yep

    23. LH

      Should we be thinking about it-

    24. EM

      There's two... I have a whole, I have the whole, I call it the holy trilogy in the book of, of self-confidence

    25. LH

      What is this?

    26. EM

      But I'll, I'll... The, the confidence trilogy is faith, have confidence. So if you're a person of faith, no matter what you believe in-

    27. LH

      Uh-huh

    28. EM

      ... it's amazing to me how people that believe in energy, quantum energy, or they believe in they're a Christian like me, and I believe in both, by the way

    29. LH

      Yeah

    30. EM

      But whatever their, their faith is, that, uh, they have it on Sunday, they have it at Bible study, or they have it when they get together with their friends or when they meditate, but somehow when they walk into a business meeting, they, they're alone

  4. 7:56 – 9:04

    A father’s influence: sobriety, dreaming, and feeling closer than you think

    1. LH

      So when did you learn this one more mindset? Was this from your dad early on, or was this-

    2. EM

      It's from my dad. So we talked about this-

    3. LH

      Yeah

    4. EM

      ... you know, a little bit earlier, but my dad had these couple theories he would always say to me. And so one was when he got sober, he gave it one more try. He was gonna stay sober one day at a time. And then my dad, I, there's no dreaming in my house. There's no like... My jet, you know, I've had, I've been blessed to get, like, multiple airplanes, right, in my life. My jet was in p- almost walking distance of my dad's house. He's never been on any of them

    5. LH

      Wow

    6. EM

      And I would say to my dad, I would say, "Hey, let's go p- go play golf in Maui. Let's go, there's these great golf courses and the ocean." And my dad would say, "Well, why would I go all the way to Maui to play golf with my favorite person, my son, when we can play here in Chino? It's not about there, I wanna be with my son." So this, my family had none of that stuff. But my dad knew I was a dreamer, and my dad would always say, "You know, I was one decision away from changing my life the whole time, one choice." And he'd say, "Eddie, you're not as far away from these dreams as you think you are." And I'd say, "Really, Dad?" And he'd go, "No, you're actually a lot closer than you think. But because you think it's so far away, you behave in accordance with that belief system, and it always keeps it that far away from you." So-

  5. 9:04 – 11:22

    Programming your 'matrix': RAS, visualization, and imagination vs. memory

    1. LH

      How, how do we bring our dreams closer to us?

    2. EM

      The, the first thing is... That's a great question. The first thing is you need to believe and know that you're one decision, one relationship, one meeting, one book, one thought, one something away from a completely different life. And when you know that, when you, then you begin to look for them

    3. LH

      Mm

    4. EM

      And so in the second chapter of the book, I have a thing in the book called the matrix, and your matrix is your reticular activating system in your brain. It's the filter for your entire life, okay? And this filter reveals to you the world that's in front of you. Again, an example of it is I just, I like what Musk is doing

    5. LH

      Mm

    6. EM

      So I just bought a Tesla. I drove it here today

    7. LH

      I got a Tesla too

    8. EM

      You do?

    9. LH

      Model X, or what do you got?

    10. EM

      I got a Plaid

    11. LH

      Okay, wow

    12. EM

      I got a Plaid. It's a good one

    13. LH

      Nice

    14. EM

      And so I bought this Plaid, and all of a sudden, man, everywhere I go, there's Teslas. Do you know what I'm saying?

    15. LH

      See them everywhere. Oh, yeah

    16. EM

      They're everywhere. I'm like, "Whoa"

    17. LH

      I see them everywhere

    18. EM

      Another one. Three lanes over, other side of the road-

    19. LH

      Where?

    20. EM

      ... freaking Tesla. This is crazy. They were always there

    21. LH

      Yeah

    22. EM

      Why didn't I see them before? Because they weren't a part of my RAS. So the key thing I teach you in the book, how to slow down time and create the matrix of your life. When you make the Teslas of your life, those relationships, those meetings, those thoughts, those encounters, you can very easily do this, but there's a process of repeated visualization you do that's not complicated. It's chapter two of the book, and it will shift you. The other component, too, I have a chapter in the book called Become an Impossibility Thinker and a Possibility Achiever. Here's how most people's frame works. They don't have an RAS program, they're not intentional, so they keep getting... If the things most important to you are your worries, fears, anxieties, problems, bills, you will continue to have people, places, and things revealed to you that confirm it. And if you operate out of your memory and your history, if this is your pattern, your framework, you will continue to find those things. You need to learn to operate out of your imagination and your dreams

    23. LH

      Mm

    24. EM

      This is a different framework for life. Imagination is different than dreaming. Imagination causes you to create dreams and thoughts that never happened. When you imagine something, you create a space. Once you have a thought, this is powerful, when you have a thought, you create a space that did not exist in the world before you had that thought

    25. LH

      Wow

    26. EM

      And that space is, now exists. And the way your brain works and your life works and the universe works is it tries to furnish that space, whether it's a negative or a positive thought. It starts to hear things it wouldn't hear. That's why, like, when you're in a crowded room and they say, "Lewis," you can hear Lewis auditorily over all the noise. Why? It's in your RAS. It's why you see the Tesla, okay? So it, the key thing-

    27. LH

      Mm

  6. 11:22 – 13:14

    Why happiness fades: inherited beliefs, emotional 'home,' and fear-based programming

    1. EM

      ... is being able to operate out of this imagination. Why is imagination so important? When you were a child, three, four, five years old, you were probably happier than you are right now. Why? Two reasons. A, you were closer to God. You had just been with God more recently. And two, you operated out of your imagination. You didn't operate out of a history and a memory, 'cause you didn't have one. And slowly over time, by the time you were 10, 11, 12 years old, l- loving people installed their limiting thoughts and beliefs-

    2. LH

      Mm-hmm

    3. EM

      ... their software into you. 'Cause most things in life are caught, not taught. You catch them

    4. LH

      Wow

    5. EM

      And so now you're starting to operate out of history and memory, and you repeat it, and your RAS begins to see the things that reinforce that history and memory. And so you basically have the same life over and over again with a different cast of characters in a different environment, but the same emotions. You have the same emotional home. My dad used to say to me Every call, bro, till the day I, he died and I'm 50 years old, he... blah, blah, blah, whatever we're talking about, last thing he would always say to me, "Be careful. Be careful." What the heck? And I'd go-

    6. LH

      Careful with what?

    7. EM

      I don't know.

    8. LH

      [laughs]

    9. EM

      I never knew. But what is that programming from the time you're eight years old?

    10. LH

      Right. Yeah.

    11. EM

      "Be careful. Hey, go to school."

    12. LH

      Watch out.

    13. EM

      "Be careful." So what that... It operated on this fear thing, right? Always like, "You need to be careful. You need to be careful. But don't make this risk. Don't take that business decision. Don't start a podcast. Don't get on that stage and speak. Don't do this. Don't do that." You say that to an already unconfident, insecure person.

    14. LH

      [laughs]

    15. EM

      He meant it lovingly. By the time I'm 50, worth hundreds of millions of dollars, "Be careful." He didn't even know he was saying it to me. But what was he doing? He was installing, God bless him, his limiting beliefs into me as a little boy. So a lot of these things that you believe, you were defenseless when you started to believe them.

    16. LH

      Mm.

    17. EM

      They were installed in you by loving people who were around you.

    18. LH

      Right.

    19. EM

      And even though your life may look differently, your emotional home, the four, five, six emotions you experience pretty regularly, might be really familiar from your parents, one or two of them.

    20. LH

      Mm-hmm.

    21. EM

      Right? And so you need to look at your emotional home.

  7. 13:14 – 16:49

    Love vs. chaos: identifying gateway emotions and creating from pressure

    1. LH

      What's your most powerful emotion and the emotion that you wish you could let go of?

    2. EM

      Love is the most powerful emotion in the world. I, we will all do everything for love. If there were more love in the world, the way we treat one another, the way we express our thoughts, you know, you'll do anything for love, right? So love is by far my most powerful emotion. It's like, like I love you and like when I just saw you, we didn't just... Like, people don't, we didn't just hug for, like, one second.

    3. LH

      Yeah.

    4. EM

      And you do this better than I do, but-

    5. LH

      I, I hold people. I make it uncomfortable 'cause I just wanna hug and love on people. [laughs]

    6. EM

      But it's not uncomfortable, bro.

    7. LH

      Right. Right.

    8. EM

      Because the reason you're so successful is you truly do love people.

    9. LH

      Yeah.

    10. EM

      And you come from that place.

    11. LH

      Mm-hmm.

    12. EM

      And I know we're bigger dudes and, like, like, that's a beautiful expression of a man. A real man is capable of real love.

    13. LH

      Yeah.

    14. EM

      That's a sign of real strength. So that's the most powerful one. And then for me, I know the emotion that I wish I didn't have. It's chaos.

    15. LH

      Really?

    16. EM

      I-

    17. LH

      How often do you experience chao- emotion?

    18. EM

      Less because I'm aware of it, but I'm gonna tell you, all the time till about five years ago, even when we first met. Why? I used to, I used to even say this, "Man, I operate great under chaos."

    19. LH

      Mm.

    20. EM

      "Man, you should see me operate under chaos. Most people can't handle chaos."

    21. LH

      Right.

    22. EM

      "I'm calm under pressure." Well, the reason for that was I grew up in an alcoholic home, so I'm very familiar with chaos. It became a very familiar emotion. And what we do is we gravitate towards the familiar emotions in our life, even if they're not ones that serve us. And I don't think there's negative or positive emotions. I say this in the book. There just are.

    23. LH

      Yes.

    24. EM

      Fear isn't negative. It, fear in abundance is negative. But some fear, being afraid to do this podcast today to some extent causes us to prepare.

    25. LH

      Mm.

    26. EM

      So a dose of it, it, it was given to us in the caveman days, so a T-Rex didn't eat us, right?

    27. LH

      Sure, sure.

    28. EM

      So some fear is good. Some anxiety's okay. Some frustration, some anger is appropriate. It's to the dosage level. And we get these four or five of them. For me, some chaos is okay. It's fun. It's exciting. It's exhilarating, right? But getting it every day, every week, every month, all the time. And so how do you get rid of it? Well, one way you get rid of it is just be awareness. When you have an awareness of a thought, it loses its impact and power over you. It almost becomes like this, "I'll do..." I'm like, "I'm doing it again, aren't I? I'm doing the chaos thing again."

    29. LH

      [laughs]

    30. EM

      "Everything's great right now."

  8. 16:49 – 24:56

    From a '3' to a '9': receiving love, worthiness, and a late lesson from his dad

    1. LH

      So you're 51 now?

    2. EM

      Yeah.

    3. LH

      52? 51. When you were 40-

    4. EM

      Mm-hmm

    5. LH

      ... on a scale of one to 10 of that, the self-confident happiness joy scale, 10 being, like, you loved yourself fully, you were peaceful, you had an abundant mindset, you were, had inner peace, you know, joy. One being you hated yourself, you were miserable-

    6. EM

      Mm

    7. LH

      ... you're in chaos 24/7. Where were you on that scale at 40?

    8. EM

      Okay. The real answer is probably a three-

    9. LH

      Okay

    10. EM

      ... of happiness.

    11. LH

      Uh-huh.

    12. EM

      And but if you met me, I could convince you that it was probably an eight.

    13. LH

      That you were super happy and you had it together.

    14. EM

      Yeah. Probably a three.

    15. LH

      And since your father passing, where are you now?

    16. EM

      Probably a nine.

    17. LH

      Really?

    18. EM

      Yeah. And I no longer feel the need to convince you.

    19. LH

      Uh-huh.

    20. EM

      Because w- I've learned that this has already existed within me.

    21. LH

      Yeah.

    22. EM

      I didn't have to go get it. I just had to allow myself to experience it. And it took me a long time to treat myself in such a way that I allowed myself to feel these things that have always been there. I had them when I was a little baby boy.

    23. LH

      Mm.

    24. EM

      I just lost them along the way in these patterns and programs that were installed in me and my experiences and... I gotta share something with you, brother, that just dawned on me. I wrote this whole book, and, uh, two weeks ago, I had this, I just... This is just for me and you, but everybody can hear it.

    25. LH

      Sure.

    26. EM

      And it, I've always tried to disqualify myself. I've always, "You're not this. You're not-"

    27. LH

      Why, why is that?

    28. EM

      It always shocks people, even people-

    29. LH

      Yeah

    30. EM

      ... that know me really well. They're like, "Not you. I have that, but there's no way you have it," right?

  9. 24:56 – 28:56

    Presence and anger: what he’d change in marriage and fatherhood

    1. LH

      There's probably nothing that you regret, that you would change differently in your past about situations because it's made you who you are.

    2. EM

      Mm-hmm.

    3. LH

      But let's just say you were going back to before you got married.

    4. EM

      Yep.

    5. LH

      Is there anything that you would do differently with yourself, in the relationship, or as w- as you were starting to have kids about emotions, connection, intimacy, receiving, giving love? Is there anything you'd change?

    6. EM

      Tons. The biggest one is my lack of presence.

    7. LH

      Really?

    8. EM

      I was always in the future, which is a good place to be. I'm not a guy who's in the past a lot.

    9. LH

      'Cause then you're innovating, you're resourceful, you're creating-

    10. EM

      Yeah

    11. LH

      ... something from nothing.

    12. EM

      Yeah, I'm not a-

    13. LH

      It's powerful

    14. EM

      ... yeah, I'm not a past guy, but I am a future guy. But the truth is, the best people are able to be in the present and still operate, o- uh, be in the future, but, but be present in the-

    15. LH

      Yeah

    16. EM

      ... in the, in the present time. And I don't, I didn't do that very well. M- there's a lot of times, man, when my kids would do things, and now Christine goes, "Do you remember when Bella..." And I'll go, "I don't remember." She goes, "But you were actually there."

    17. LH

      Mm.

    18. EM

      But I wasn't. So would I change that? Yes. I should have given myself the gift of being more present where I was, and I, I do that very well now. I'm very much a present person.

    19. LH

      I know you, you turn your phone off after you get home, and you put it in your car or whatever you do. You, you spend 10 minutes closing things out, and then you go in the house-

    20. EM

      I do

    21. LH

      ... and you connect. Yeah.

    22. EM

      I do. Yeah. I have strategies for it, 'cause I know me.

    23. LH

      Yeah.

    24. EM

      And then anger. Um-

    25. LH

      You were angrier then?

    26. EM

      Way more. I'm an intense dude. In fact, people who see me now on social that knew me back then will be like, "Wow, man, like you've really changed."

    27. LH

      [laughs]

    28. EM

      I just thought that my intensity and even what moved into anger was strength because I saw it in my dad.

    29. LH

      'Cause it got results.

    30. EM

      Yeah.

  10. 28:56 – 32:14

    Three blockers of faster dreams: proximity, equanimity, and 'mini days' to bend time

    1. LH

      Mm. What do you think is the biggest things that hold all of us back from achieving our dreams faster? Three biggest things, would you say?

    2. EM

      Well, one is the proximity to it. We really do believe it's further away. Like, we honestly believe this thing is, like, a 20-year thing. And so because we believe that, we keep it there, and we miss out on these, you know, possibilities in our life. The second one is, I have a chapter in the book called On Equanimity. I say one more, um, level of equanimity. Equanimity is our ability to be calm under duress. So I said earlier, slow things down. The greatest athletes that we admire can slow things down under pressure. They're calm. If you think of a Tom Brady, who's everybody's example in this age-

    3. LH

      Mm-hmm

    4. EM

      ... is that when it's the noisiest and the crowd's the craziest, and it's the playoffs, and it's the highest stakes, for the average person, everything speeds up.

    5. LH

      Uh-huh.

    6. EM

      And they lose control. Good friend of both of ours, Michael Chandler, fought this last weekend and, and-

    7. LH

      It's a great win

    8. EM

      ... great win. And normally Michael, he's one of the greatest fighters in the world, but when he has been in duress in some of his fights, things speed up, and he starts to go to this brawl mode. And I watched him in this fight. Things started to not go his way, and he slowed things down, and he started to show some equanimity under duress. And that's when things slow down, and we can perform at our best. So the second thing I would say is equanimity. The third thing is, I have a whole chapter in the book on the way you manage time. And I w- this is just r- there's so many heavy things in the book, but the idea that still people manage a day in 24 hours is hilarious to me. That this archaic concept that a day is 24 hours is bananas. Like, the 24-hour day was just made up by somebody about the sun and the Earth-

    9. LH

      Right

    10. EM

      ... going around each other, billion, you know, 100 million years ago or whatever it was, and this was before there was electricity-

    11. LH

      Ah

    12. EM

      ... there were cars-

    13. LH

      Yeah

    14. EM

      ... there was the internet, there was a smartphone. So you're gonna tell me I should measure my day the same duration of time-

    15. LH

      Oh

    16. EM

      ... I calibrate time, when the same dude didn't have the internet? Well, I used to have to do a project in high school, we'd have to go to the encyclopedia, go down to the library and research for hours and he- My kids can Google something in 10 seconds now.

    17. LH

      I know.

    18. EM

      And again, I can text message you instead of mailing you something-

    19. LH

      I know

    20. EM

      ... that takes a month to get to you. So d-

    21. LH

      [laughs]

    22. EM

      I've, I've shrunk my days. My days now are, are from n- my first day is from 6:00 AM to noon. In that day, it's called a mini day, 6:00 AM to noon, I get into that day whatever I want. Some days are chill, some days are faith, some days are working out. But the am- We've all had that morning where we go, "I got done more this morning than I have in three weeks."

    23. LH

      I know. [laughs]

    24. EM

      Right? So why can't that be every day? And it, it is, I can tell you. So my first day is 6:00 AM to noon. At noon, a clock goes off, we're in day two, and I reevaluate really quickly for five seconds what just happened, what did I do, what do I need to do more of? Next day is noon to 6:00 PM. I'm gonna get the same amount of business, contacts, faith, fun, whatever it is in that ecstasy, in that day. Third day is 6:00 PM to midnight. It's a third day. This gives me three days in one day.

    25. LH

      Wow.

    26. EM

      I get 21 days a week. If I get 21 days a week, you get seven, stack that up over a month, a year, five, 10 years, I'm going to smoke you in life.

    27. LH

      [laughs]

    28. EM

      Right? And-

    29. LH

      Yeah

    30. EM

      ... I've bended and manipulated time so that my accountability's different. It's not the end of a day or end of a week or end of a month, it's at the end of a basically a six or eight-hour window.

  11. 32:14 – 36:42

    Enrollment and selling the dream: repeating vision and linking mission to happiness

    1. LH

      You're, you're probably one of the best enrollers I've ever met. Enroll- enrollment for me is the key to-

    2. EM

      Mm-hmm

    3. LH

      ... really accomplishing your dreams.

    4. EM

      Mm-hmm.

    5. LH

      Enrolling yourself that you're confident enough and have the skills and the tools to develop what you need to to, to have what you want, the relationship, the career, the business, the life, the health. But also enrolling others in your vision, in your dreams.

    6. EM

      Mm-hmm.

    7. LH

      Where did you learn this skill of enrollment, of saying, "I've got this idea. It's in the future."

    8. EM

      Mm-hmm.

    9. LH

      "Most people think it's 30 years away, I think it's three months away."

    10. EM

      Yeah.

    11. LH

      "Which seems impossible. And I'm gonna call these five people and convince them," essentially.

    12. EM

      Yeah.

    13. LH

      But enroll them in a vision that they didn't even know was a possibility in their mind.

    14. EM

      Yes.

    15. LH

      You're gonna speak this vision into them, into their souls, and then they're gonna say yes, vote for you-

    16. EM

      [laughs]

    17. LH

      ... sign up for something, listen to something, interview with you.

    18. EM

      Mm-hmm.

    19. LH

      Have, pay to speak or whatever it might be.

    20. EM

      Mm.

    21. LH

      Give you lots of money, all these different things.

    22. EM

      Mm.

    23. LH

      How did you learn the art of enrollment?

    24. EM

      I, okay, that's a great question, and, and in the book I have this whole chapter on leadership and vision.

    25. LH

      Mm.

    26. EM

      But, like, you ask the best questions, bro.

    27. LH

      [laughs]

    28. EM

      I love you. So two ways. One, couple very special coaches that I had in my life that were great visionaries. And for some reason I've always been fascinated with great orators, so I did-

    29. LH

      Yes

    30. EM

      ... my dissertation in college on Dr. King.

  12. 36:42 – 41:11

    Letting go of the past: temporary pain, inconvenient actions, and 'compound pounding'

    1. LH

      Oh, man. Um, so why do you think people are stuck on, "I'll never be able to be good enough to accomplish what I want. The dreams are not possible for me." What keeps them stuck, though?

    2. EM

      What keeps them stuck is this false belief system that their past is their future.

    3. LH

      Uh-huh.

    4. EM

      So they're operating out of an operating system of their memory and their past.

    5. LH

      So how do we let go of the past?

    6. EM

      Well, we have to create a compelling future. In other words, you're not gonna let go of one thing until you've grabbed onto the next.

    7. LH

      Ah, so you have to create a new future.

    8. EM

      You have to create a future. And, and by the way, it's okay that you don't believe all of it initially, as long as it becomes repetitive and we begin to take steps towards it, right? So it's, it's, it-

    9. LH

      Mm-hmm

    10. EM

      ... for me, I still have stuff from my past that's there, but this future is so big. And by the way, some things are okay. People go, "Why do you still work so hard?" Well, I wanna create a... There's still a little part of me that doesn't wanna be broke.

    11. LH

      Yeah.

    12. EM

      There's still a little bit of fear. It's o- I've s- j-

    13. LH

      But you're not broke.

    14. EM

      Yeah, but I... But you've interviewed some of the most successful actors, entertainers. So have I. And you get them privately and sometimes on your show.

    15. LH

      Yeah

    16. EM

      They go, "You afraid it's gonna go away?" They go, "Yeah, I am. That's why I work so hard." So there's an element of that that's okay.

    17. LH

      Mm-hmm.

    18. EM

      It's creating this vision for your life that's compelling. But there's this other thing, and I love Think and Grow Rich. It's one of my favorite books of all time. It's, next to my scripture, is my favorite book. But you don't just think and get rich. You have to do things. And by the way, rich can mean more bliss, more happiness, more peace. But you don't just get those things by thinking. There's some things you have to do. But the most powerful part of Think and Grow Rich, man, is he, as this part he says, "Can you survive the temporary?"

    19. LH

      Mm.

    20. EM

      "And if you can survive the temporary," he says, "on the other side of temporary pain, you get introduced to your other self." And that other self, he doesn't say this, but that other self produces that other life.

    21. LH

      Uh-huh.

    22. EM

      And so here's what happens for most of us. We think everything's permanent. And because we think it's permanent, we make permanent decisions based on temporary conditions. Even our bodies, other than our souls, are temporary. I was with my dad, holding his hand, when his body ceased to exist anymore.

    23. LH

      Wow.

    24. EM

      His soul exists still. But if your body isn't permanent, your problem isn't, your pain isn't. You need to create a different relationship with pain in your life. The idea that you're going to avoid pain, I have a chapter in the book called One More Inconvenience. Chase difficult, inconvenient things.

    25. LH

      Like what? Like what is something you're chasing that's inconvenient?

    26. EM

      In a given day, the phone call you don't wanna make, the meeting you don't wanna have. Driving out here, there's a friend of mine who I'd like to help me with the book. It's incredibly uncomfortable phone call for me.

    27. LH

      Mm.

    28. EM

      It's the thing I don't wanna do today. I don't wanna bother them. It's inconvenient. And for me in my life, the inconvenient thing on the page is the one that now jumps off the screen at me that I must do. For most people, their relationship with the pain and the inconvenience is to avoid it.

    29. LH

      Avoid as much as possible.

    30. EM

      So if you could be... Yeah, but if you could say to yourself, "On the other side of this, is this other self." And so whatever your pain is right now, relationships just ended, financially, something that's difficult for you to do. Maybe you're trying to lose weight.

  13. 41:11 – 49:53

    The hardest inconvenience: becoming public, plus wealth-building fundamentals

    1. LH

      What's the most inconvenient thing you had to do in the last, I don't know, 10 years, that was like, uh, that created the biggest breakthrough in your business or life?

    2. EM

      This. Being a public person.

    3. LH

      Really?

    4. EM

      Yeah. Speaking about-

    5. LH

      'Cause you didn't do this for a long time.

    6. EM

      Never.

    7. LH

      You resisted it for-

    8. EM

      Ever

    9. LH

      ... until, like, five years ago, right?

    10. EM

      Yeah, about five, six years ago. This, um, when you're so insecure and you're so shy, which I know is still weird for people to know, because I can be... When I'm with a friend-

    11. LH

      Yes

    12. EM

      ... you get this. But I'm really introverted. And, um, like I'm on the road, I get room service. You know, I, I stay in. If I was at a mall and we went to high school together, I would love to say hello to you. I'm probably gonna duck into a store and hide.

    13. LH

      Mm.

    14. EM

      Just because I, I don't know. It's not that I don't love it. I do. I remember, I was just saying this to someone coming out here today. I... Oh, Rob Dyrdek and I were talking.

    15. LH

      Uh-huh.

    16. EM

      Rob driving out here. And he goes, "Man, it's a lot of work having a book." And I said, "Yeah."

    17. LH

      [laughs]

    18. EM

      And I go, "But you know what, bro? I remember when no one wanted to read what I had to write."

    19. LH

      Right.

    20. EM

      So I'm really, really grateful for it. At the same time, that part of expressing myself and being open and being vulnerable, and by the way, I do it in droves now. I fully embrace. If you watch my social media or me, I'm like, "Hey, man, I'm having a bad day."

    21. LH

      Mm-hmm.

    22. EM

      You know, this is not one of these... This is a day I'm not doing crap that's in my book. You know?

    23. LH

      Right [laughs] . Yeah, yeah, yeah.

    24. EM

      I didn't do anything that's in the book today. And so I, uh, I've embraced it fully, and I love it, but the most difficult thing for sure was, um, expressing myself publicly.

    25. LH

      Mm-hmm.

    26. EM

      In public speaking, anything public, public, public. And yet I'm, you know-

    27. LH

      But you're an incredible public speaker.

    28. EM

      Thank you.

    29. LH

      One of the best.

    30. EM

      Thank you. I, I, I- Thank you. And it was usually on the most inconvenient thing, on the other side of it is not just your other self, but your greatest gift is revealed to you

  14. 49:53 – 54:40

    Next-decade mission: human dignity, kinder entrepreneurship, and making dreams familiar

    1. EM

      I want people... Brother, so glad you said this. I believe all this stuff's connected. I'm not like this a zen entrepreneur, but sometimes I come across that way. I believe entrepreneurs and business people in general are the change agents in the world. I don't believe it's gonna come from a political movement.

    2. LH

      Mm-hmm.

    3. EM

      I, I believe that entrepreneurs, um, like ourselves, are the people that are gonna change the world, and I believe the planet's at a tipping point, and I think that we're trending in a direction where we're... People, so many people feel invisible. So many people feel that they lack something. There's a lack of kindness and gentleness and love, particularly expressed by business people. Business people in general the last 30 years have contributed to this in a major way, the brutal nature of business-

    4. LH

      Mm-hmm

    5. EM

      ... the cutthroat nature of it. And I think the next 10 years that entrepreneurs, hopefully people like myself that are in the thought leader space, can begin to show people that entrepreneurs are the ones who can bring the most love and change and solutions to people's lives. And for me, because I do have this platform, I want everyone to feel seen. I want people to know you do matter. That person, that alcoholic and drug addict that helped my dad mattered-

    6. LH

      Mm

    7. EM

      ... big time.

    8. LH

      Yeah.

    9. EM

      And you matter, and we need more people to come to you and say, "You matter, and here's the actual reasons why you matter." It's not just a saying. You matter because of this.

    10. LH

      Yeah.

    11. EM

      And I wanna give people the tools and the resources to do it. I really would love to think that when I'm done, that all of us collectively have turned the corner on this way we treat one another in the world.

    12. LH

      Yeah.

    13. EM

      Concerns me so deeply, man, that, uh, my experience every single day with most people is that we have a lot in common and that we really do wanna love and care for one another and that sometimes success gets in the way of that. The financial pursuit gets in the way of it, some of these thought leader entrepreneurs that are so aggressive about money, money, money, money, money. And I don't mind that because I think that that money can do a lot of good, [lips smack] but I believe there's a more beautiful and elegant way to get there. I don't think business has to be brutal.

    14. LH

      Mm-hmm.

    15. EM

      Um, I think that there's an elegant and beautiful way to create wealth in your life and bliss that's... there's not a lot of examples of, and I intend to be one of those examples.

    16. LH

      Yeah. And for those that wanna become more entrepreneurial but maybe have that fear of believing in themselves-

    17. EM

      Mm-hmm

    18. LH

      ... would you say there's a shift in the mindset between scarcity and abundance when it comes to money? Like, do you remember a time when you didn't have any?

    19. EM

      Yes.

    20. LH

      And then it started to shift, and it started to really roll. Was there, like, a shift in the mindset or what?

    21. EM

      Yeah. I used- I was raised thinking that wealth people got their money kind of through some ill-gotten means.

    22. LH

      Mm-hmm.

    23. EM

      And that, uh, you know, that maybe you had to be a little bit cutting corners or shady-

    24. LH

      Right, right

    25. EM

      ... or something to get money.

    26. LH

      Some illegal stuff or whatever, yeah.

    27. EM

      Yeah, just, you know, maybe just hurt people to get it is what I thought. And so, yeah, I started to have... When I started to make some money, I used to... We, Christiane and I, when we were kids, we li- actually live on the actual beach I used to walk on with my wife when we were in high school.

    28. LH

      That's pretty cool.

    29. EM

      I know. Isn't that crazy?

    30. LH

      In Laguna?

  15. 54:40 – 1:02:14

    Skill goals, 'three truths,' and defining greatness as living your vision

    1. LH

      Right, exactly. What's the one skill you would like to develop in the next nine years?

    2. EM

      I'd like to develop the skill of more presence.

    3. LH

      Uh-huh.

    4. EM

      And I want my meditation abilities to expand. I'm a pretty good meditator, but I think there's another level I could get to of emptying my mind more regularly.

    5. LH

      Uh-huh.

    6. EM

      Um, I would like to be able to do that. I would like to, um, have the skill of being more comfortable in public environments. I'm good in them, but I'm... Maybe a lot of people can relate to this. I'm very drained when it's over.

    7. LH

      Yeah, I know the feeling.

    8. EM

      You know?

    9. LH

      Yeah.

    10. EM

      And I'd like to be charged up by being around people more than I am drained by it, and it's not that I don't love them. I do, but there's an element of me that's- Working at it and it's, um, because my love for people is off the charts.

    11. LH

      Yeah.

    12. EM

      I know you can relate to this, so.

    13. LH

      Well, you have so much energy when you're on stage. You bring a, you know, all of it.

    14. EM

      All of it.

    15. LH

      Yeah.

    16. EM

      So do you, right?

    17. LH

      Yeah.

    18. EM

      You know what that's like. And so I'd like to have that ability to enjoy that-

    19. LH

      Yeah

    20. EM

      ... more. Um, and I think probably the pathway to doing it though is my meditation.

    21. LH

      That's powerful.

    22. EM

      And so for me, it's just I wanna grow that part of my life and that muscle.

    23. LH

      That's powerful, man. Uh, I'm so excited about this book. I got to dive into some of it. I wanna get to the rest of it, though.

    24. EM

      Thank you.

    25. LH

      But The Power of One More: The Ultimate Guide to Happiness and Success, I can't recommend enough to buy a few copies of this. Give it to your friends, do a book club, uh, and share this out on social media. The Power of One More. It's gonna be a very inspiring book for you. It's gonna help you transform the way you think, your emotions, your actions, so make sure you guys get a few copies of this book. Uh, and make sure to support Ed, follow you on social media. You've got an amazing podcast.

    26. EM

      Thank you.

    27. LH

      I had a great time when I was on there. You have some incredible people, and you ask amazing questions as well, so make sure you check out your show. Um, social media, you're mostly on Instagram and YouTube.

    28. EM

      Yeah.

    29. LH

      You on any other places you'd like people to-

    30. EM

      I'm on, I'm on all, I'm on Twitter and Facebook and all that, but you know, my podcast is on all the platforms, too, all the audio platforms.

  16. 1:02:14 – 1:02:34

    Brief closing beat: a last note about needing a team

    1. EM

      But I also, again, me needing a team, even though I was the reporter and they were the players and the coaches, that was ... They're my team-

    2. LH

      Wow

    3. EM

      ... for my own mental health.

    4. LH

      Of course.

    5. EM

      Like, I latched onto them. I needed that. So it took me, again, overall 11 years to get a full-time job.

    6. LH

      Wow.

    7. EM

      But I just kept going. I kept grind- And

Episode duration: 1:02:34

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