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Lewis Howes"This KEEPS 99% of People Single!" - FIX THIS TO FIND LOVE| Dr Joe Dispenza
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CHAPTERS
- 0:00 – 3:19
Becoming the Partner You Want to Attract
Lewis asks whether you can shift your energetic field and mindset to attract the right partner. The guest says to write down everything you want in that person and become it, and recalls telling a reporter to ask herself whether she would go out with herself. He says you shouldn't have to work at a relationship if both people bring their best.
- •Write down what you want in a partner, then become it
- •Many people define love through need, sexuality, control or success, which don't lead to love
- •The question to ask yourself is whether you would go out with you
- •If you aren't at your best, step away and return to your heart rather than pick the other person apart
- •People who say they want a relationship are really seeking happiness
- 3:19 – 6:57
Thoughts, Feelings and the Magnetic Field of Love
The guest describes thoughts as the electrical charge and feelings as the magnetic charge that draws events back to you. Living in anger, judgment or fear leaves no magnetic field to attract love, and reacting to circumstances makes you a victim of them. He says survival emotions have to be traded for elevated ones through practice.
- •Thoughts send the signal out and feelings draw the event back
- •Living in anger, hostility or fear leaves no magnetic field to attract love
- •Blaming a person or circumstance for how you feel makes you its victim
- •Opening the heart is a skill, and you feel most what you practice feeling
- 6:57 – 12:37
How Emotional Memory Conditions the Body into the Past
Lewis asks how much one thought changes the body's chemistry. The guest explains that charged events become long-term memories, that recalling them recreates the same chemistry, and that the body ends up conditioned to the past. Long-term stress hormones can make a person sick, and the person can only feel what is already familiar.
- •Every thought produces a chemical
- •The body can't tell a real event from an emotion produced by thought alone
- •Survival mode consumes energy needed for growth and repair
- •Stress hormones push genetic buttons toward disease
- •Survival states are altered states, though psychology treats them as normal
- 12:37 – 19:12
Feeling Love Before It Arrives: Remembering Your Future
The guest says you can't wait for a partner to feel love. You hold a clear intention, feel the elevated emotion now, and remember your future instead of your past. He describes the present moment as the only place the unknown exists, and the heart as the creative center that produces a magnetic field when coherent.
- •Feeling love must come first and act as the magnet
- •Past and predictable future are both known; only the present is unknown
- •Heart coherence sends a wave of energy to the brain and quiets the default mode network
- •Oxytocin and nitric oxide fill the heart and the body begins to change
- •A coherent heart produces an external magnetic field up to three meters wide
- 19:12 – 29:32
Need Versus Wholeness: What Real Love Looks Like
Lewis asks what it means to be in a state of need. The guest says need is lack, with grasping and controlling, while wholeness magnetizes a matching partner. He describes unconditional love, oxytocin shutting down fear and anger circuits, and two people evolving together and supporting each other's intentions.
- •Need and lack involve grasping, controlling and overanalyzing
- •Wholeness draws a partner who complements you, so you feel whole with or without them
- •Oxytocin quiets the amygdala's survival circuits, making grudges impossible
- •Partners can support each other's daily intentions and see each other as a mirror
- •You work on yourself, not on the relationship
- 29:32 – 34:09
Clearing the Past So You Recognize Your Future Partner
The guest says frustration and old emotions from an ex have to be dealt with before bringing love in. People looking through the neurology of their past will walk past their future relationship because the brain only recognizes familiar patterns. He says you are matter trying to change matter when you force and control, whereas bonding emotionally with your future draws events to you.
- •Taking skeletons out of the cupboard lets you leave insecurity, fear and judgment out of a relationship
- •You think of an ex only because you're still in frustration
- •The brain recognizes reality by pattern, so people miss a new partner
- •The universe gives what you think you're worthy of receiving
- •Bond with your future as you would with a lover, then open your eyes and stay in it
- 34:09 – 45:03
Energy in the Body vs. the Brain: Moving Guilt into Bliss
Lewis raises an image from the guest's book, and the guest explains a Yale researcher's work on electromagnetic fields around eggs. Reacting to life drains the field and stores energy in the body. Meditations move that energy up to the brain, producing gamma and a bliss that replenishes your field.
- •Reacting taps the electromagnetic field and shrinks it
- •About 5% of energy is in the brain and 95% in the body when conditioned to survival
- •Meditation moves stored energy upward, producing gamma brainwaves and bliss
- •Where you place attention is where you place energy
- •Sitting in the fire of discomfort lets you take your power back
- 45:03 – 48:48
Compassion, Abundance and Shortening Your Reactions
The guest says that once you are whole you give freely and see your adversaries with compassion. Lewis asks how often the guest reacts, and he says every day, but the question is how long. He steps away, regulates, and remembers his future, treating self-regulation as the key skill.
- •Abundant people give because they know they can create
- •Overcoming an emotion lets you see an adversary as someone hurting
- •The guest reacts daily but aims to shorten the refractory period
- •He excuses himself to breathe and won't decide in a reactive state
- •Training self-regulation under stress, such as on a pole 55 feet in the air, builds the skill
- 48:48 – 56:42
When One Partner Changes and the Other Doesn't
Lewis asks what to do if one partner transforms while the other stays reactive. The guest says to stop preaching, show up happy and be the example, and not to compromise yourself down to the other person's level. He recommends vulnerable honesty and says breakups can be respectful. Lewis shares that he and his girlfriend can be okay with or without each other.
- •People accept information that matches their emotional state, so enthusiasm can bounce off a partner
- •Stop preaching, and be the example
- •Compromising yourself costs energy and identity, which is why people say they lost themselves in a relationship
- •Many relationships fail because nobody wants to tell the truth and be vulnerable
- •Love can mean wanting the best for someone even if they need to go
- 56:42 – 1:03:15
Fear Is Separation, Not the Opposite of Love
The guest says fear, anger and pain are separation from love rather than its opposite. He says people embellish their past stories, and that catching yourself mid-reaction is a victory. He explains that what people want is the emotion behind the thing, and that synchronicities then become fuel.
- •Fear, anger and pain are separation from love
- •People often tell stories of the past that aren't accurate, to reaffirm their emotional state
- •Catching yourself mid-reaction is a victory
- •Rehearsing a more evolved response primes the brain for the experience
- •People want joy, freedom, awe and wholeness, and the emotion is the payoff
- 1:03:15 – 1:05:05
Daily Meditation: Breaking the Loop of Thinking and Feeling
Lewis asks whether emotions create thoughts or the reverse, and the guest says both, forming a loop. For a quick formula, he says meditation is the preparation: sit until you feel your future, refuse the body's urges, and rehearse who you will be. He also addresses suppression, saying he wouldn't tell anyone to suppress emotions, only to ask when they're done feeling them.
- •Thoughts are the language of the brain and feelings the language of the body
- •Responsibility for creating your life means not blaming circumstances
- •Sit still until you feel your future, watching the body's urges to quit
- •Rehearsal installs new hardware in the brain that becomes a software program
- •The guest doesn't advise suppressing emotions, only asking how long you stay in them
- 1:05:05 – 1:35:44
Brain Waves, Coherence and the Path to Gamma
The guest explains the formula of brain and heart coherence, moving from high beta through alpha and theta to gamma. In theta the door to the subconscious is open, so you rehearse rather than think. A coherent brain sends a signal and a coherent heart draws the experience back, bringing a sense of oneness, with health improvements reported.
- •High beta is the survival state, alpha is creative, theta opens the subconscious, and gamma is super consciousness
- •In alpha and theta you rehearse rather than think, which rewires programs
- •Gamma is likened to many neurons clapping in rhythm, felt as bliss
- •The guest reports biological upgrades such as the disappearance of illnesses
- •A coherent brain sends the signal and a coherent heart draws the experience back
- 1:35:44 – 1:44:32
Identity, Possessions and the Joy of Being Free
Lewis shares how he smiles scooting past luxury cars, and the guest says possessions can become identity. He explains that it often takes crisis to wake people up, and urges marrying an elevated emotion with intention daily instead. He discusses love as wholeness with no opposite, and the inner child as emotion to overcome.
- •Identity built on body, things and status keeps attention outside
- •Crisis, diagnosis or loss often forces people to look within
- •Meditation is a rehearsal for game time, not positive thinking
- •Overcoming emotions tied to the past is called wisdom
- •Overcoming the emotion heals the inner child, and love is wholeness with no opposite
- 1:44:32 – 1:52:25
Emotion, Attention and Gratitude as Receivership
Lewis recalls his father turning off medicine commercials, and the guest says media captures attention through emotion, which makes people susceptible and polarized. He urges a daily reminder of one's future vision and 10 to 20 minutes of gratitude to practice receiving. He says he trusts his heart over incoming information.
- •Capturing attention with fear or anger polarizes people and makes them susceptible
- •Mind is the brain in action, so reminding yourself daily rebuilds circuits
- •Without a vision of the future you'll be predictable and live in past memories
- •Gratitude is the emotional signature of receiving, and ending meditation in gratitude tells the body it has happened
- •The guest trusts his heart over the information he receives
- 1:52:25 – 2:01:05
Synchronizing Meditations and Blood Research on Love
The guest describes creating from the field rather than matter, and upcoming meditations on abundance, health, love, the mystical and a new life, plus where to find his work. He then describes research with a University of California San Diego team in which a participant's blood, exposed to the virus before and after a week-long event, showed hardly any infection afterward. He says love and not reacting weaken the organism less.
- •Creating from the field draws experiences instead of working matter to matter
- •New meditations cover abundance, health, love, the mystical and a new life
- •Information is on drjoedispenza.com
- •32 people were measured before and after an event, and exosomes were studied
- •One participant's blood showed hardly any infection after the week-long event
