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Lewis HowesYour Thoughts Will Heal or Kill You with Marisa Peer and Lewis Howes
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Chapter summaries
From Aerobics Studio to Rapid Transformational Therapy
Lewis introduces Marisa Peer and asks how she got into therapy. She describes leaving child psychology, teaching aerobics, training in hypnotherapy, and creating her own method, Rapid Transformational Therapy.
- •Marisa trained as a child psychologist at 22 but found it frustrating
- •While teaching aerobics she saw many eating disorders and trained in hypnotherapy
- •Clients began bringing her other issues like phobias
- •She created Rapid Transformational Therapy and now teaches others to use it
Symptoms Have a Role, Function and Purpose
Marisa contrasts talk-heavy conventional therapy with finding the cause behind a symptom. She explains that in hypnosis clients can ask what a headache's role and payoff is, and she says about 70% of such issues are psychosomatic.
- •Conventional therapy and medicine tend to treat symptoms rather than causes
- •Role, function, purpose: a symptom like a headache may serve a hidden payoff
- •Children's minds can produce illness to stop parents fighting or get attention
- •The mind gives you what it thinks you want based on what you say
How Your Words Become Literal Commands to the Mind
Marisa explains that the brain has no sense of humor and takes phrases like "it would kill me" literally. She gives examples from infertility, relationships and stress, and says the mind's job is survival, not happiness.
- •Phrases like "this job is killing me" can be taken as instructions
- •Her own infertility diagnosis led her to work on herself and then with infertile women
- •The mind goes on red alert to prevent whatever you say would kill you
- •Since you create the self-talk, you can say something better
"I'm Not Enough" and the Self-Destruction of Talent
Asked what people struggle with most, Marisa says it is the belief "I'm not enough," which sits behind addictions. She discusses why celebrities such as Amy Winehouse and Whitney Houston can still feel empty despite success.
- •Three core problems: I'm not enough, I'm different, and what I want isn't available
- •Addictions come from emptiness and from pushing feelings down
- •Unearned success can feel valueless, as with lottery winners
- •Pretending to be someone else causes stress that leads to drugs
Feel the Feeling Until It No Longer Needs to Be Felt
Marisa describes how suppressed feelings regroup and come out as rage, and teaches awareness, acceptance and articulation. Lewis ties this to men being unable to express themselves, and Marisa says to ask "what happened to you?" instead of "what's wrong with you?"
- •Feelings are like gas: they hurt more when kept in
- •Triple A: be aware of, accept and articulate your feelings
- •Express hurt close to the event, even to a mirror or wall
- •Men are told not to act like girls, which blocks expression
- •A trader's belief that something was wrong with him began with childhood criticism
Familiar vs. Unfamiliar and the Power of Self-Praise
Marisa says humans are wired to seek what's familiar, even if it's harmful, but anything can be made familiar. She says praising yourself is the most important thing to make familiar and explains how to do it.
- •Events don't affect you; the meaning you attach does
- •We are wired to run toward the familiar and away from the unfamiliar
- •Self-praise should use what you always wanted a parent or teacher to say
- •The mind accepts repetition, whether praise or criticism
- •Those used to criticism reject praise, so praise must be made familiar
Fear of Rejection and Why You Can't Be Rejected
Lewis shares how he overcame fear of talking to girls by facing it repeatedly. Marisa explains the survival roots of the fear of rejection and says no one can reject you unless you let it in.
- •Lewis says you must embrace the fear until it disappears
- •Babies have two drivers: find connection and avoid rejection
- •Being cast out once meant death, but that's no longer true
- •The only opinion that matters is your own
Five Ways to Not Let Criticism In
Marisa lays out a sequence of responses to criticism and bullying, and explains bullying as an attempt to dominate by someone who feels inferior. She and Lewis discuss trolling and why critics aren't creators.
- •Five steps: thanks for sharing, repeat it slowly, are you trying to hurt me, it won't work, and critics reserve criticism for themselves
- •Bullies feel inferior and diminish others to rise above them
- •If you don't accept the gift, the sender is left holding it
- •Lewis recalls defending himself online until a coach told him to say thank you for the feedback
Words as Blueprints: How Language Shapes Body and Reality
Asked about her own challenges, Marisa mentions the medical profession's skepticism and quotes a psychiatrist on feelings and organs. She gives examples of body symptoms matching phrases, and argues that dramatic words create stress.
- •Half the medical profession embraces her work and half dismisses it
- •"The feeling that cannot find its expression in tears may cause other organs to weep"
- •Phrases like "I can't stand it" can match physical symptoms
- •Everyday complaints like traffic are mild compared with others' hardships
Reframing, Choosing and Manifesting Change
Lewis notes that the same principle lets us create the life we want, and Marisa suggests reframing words such as "nightmare" to "age appropriate" or "challenging." They discuss the body holding emotion and the "I'm choosing" technique for eating and exercise.
- •Replace "my kid is a nightmare" with "my child is age appropriate"
- •The only risk in life is not taking the risk
- •Lewis's physical therapist girlfriend says pain eases when patients talk
- •Saying "I'm choosing this" removes resistance, unlike "I want it but can't have it"
- •Feelings come from the pictures you make and the words you say to yourself
Marisa's Daily Mindset and Routines
Marisa describes her struggles with sugar and exercise, and her morning practice of saying she loves her life. She explains that positivity is who she is rather than what she does.
- •She finds it hard to resist sugar and to make time to exercise
- •Mornings start with "I love my life" and appreciation of small things
- •She sees her mind as her best personal assistant
- •First it's what you do, then it's who you are
Facing Cancer with Belief and Perspective
Lewis asks whether anything challenged her love of life, and Marisa describes getting sick a year earlier. She says she used the same thinking, told her body to heal, and viewed womb cancer as lucky because it was a disposable organ.
- •She decided to "do wellness" and went home from the hospital
- •She talked to her womb and thanked it for her daughter
- •She says Bruce Lipton would say you can turn off a gene
- •Train your mind like a horse or a Ferrari
The Book #iamenough and Working with RTT
Marisa discusses her book on writing "I am enough" on your mirror and everywhere, and why feeling enough matters more than possessions. She also explains where to find free resources, her website and trained RTT therapists.
- •Writing I am enough on mirrors, fridges, phones and passwords
- •Possessions can't make you feel enough; feeling enough is internal
- •Resources at marisapeer.com and rapidtransformationaltherapy.com
- •RTT sessions can be 90 minutes, with one to three sessions depending on the issue
Three Truths and Definition of Greatness
Lewis asks his closing three truths question. Marisa answers that you are always enough, you are what you believe, and negativity damages your health. Lewis thanks her, and she defines greatness as doing what you love and loving what you do.
- •You're always enough, and the world believes what you believe about you
- •Your beliefs make you, then the world mirrors them
- •Negativity triggers cortisol and harms the body, while positivity helps health
- •Greatness is doing what you love and loving what you do
