2 Ways to Take Your Power Back When You Feel Insecure | The Mel Robbins Podcast

1. 0:00 – 15:00

   (ticking sound) (intro music) I am…

   1. MRMel Robbins0:00

      (ticking sound) (intro music) I am so excited to talk to you today, because there is something unfolding in real time with one of our daughters who lives out in Los Angeles, and she's 21 years old. She's sitting in a class, texting me, and it is an issue that I know that you can relate to or someone in your life is going through this right now. She is literally blowing up my phone with texts because she doesn't know what to do. What is the topic? (sigh) Wow. Well, the topic is this: what do you do when somebody that you have been hooking up with and had a huge crush on suddenly starts having a crush on one of your friends? That's what's going down in real time. I've got text messages. When she gets out of class, I am gonna try to track her down and get her to unpack this with you and me in real time live. And, um, before I jump into the text messages and we get into this topic of being in the middle of an emotional tsunami where you find yourself starting to lose yourself, and you are trying so hard to get your own power back as you've been blindsided by somebody that you like liking somebody else, before we get into that, I just want to take a minute, thank you. I mean, your feedback about just the handful of episodes that we have put out so far on the Mel Robbins Podcast has blown me away. This is a brand new show, we are a small show, and we are becoming a mighty show because of you. And I wanted to do this podcast, I said in the very beginning, because I wanted to share my life in a more intimate and real time way with you, in a way that I can't do in audiobooks and on YouTube, or in the short form content that you see on social media. I wanted to go deeper into the everyday stuff that knocks us on our ass, or that, uh, gives us hope and inspiration. And, um, every time you share an episode or I see you posting them and sharing them, uh, on your social media pages, you are helping to create a ripple effect of change. So many of us want to make a difference in the world, and if you hear something on this show that moves you, that inspires you, that empowers you, that makes you laugh, that makes you feel a little bit less alone, and you share it with somebody else, you are part of a force for good and for fun. And so, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for your support, for giving me your most precious commodity, which is your time and your trust. And together, we are gonna do incredible things, and we are just getting started. Now, that said, so many of you are also blowing up my DMs on Instagram, and comments on TikTok, and the comments on YouTube and Messenger and on Facebook, and hitting the inbox. So, I want to tell you something. I want you to help me program this show, and so please, if you got ideas, if when you listen to the Mel Robbins Podcast you're like, "Oh my gosh, I got an idea for Mel," please go to melrobbins.com/podcast. That's right, go to my website, melrobbins.com/podcast, and right there you will see that there are two forms that we have created just for you. One of the forms is a form for you to recommend an expert, an author, a friend, somebody that you would love for me, Mel Robbins, to dig deeper with, uh, on some subject that you care about. That's form number one. Form number two is topics, baby. Give me your topics, whether it's a problem you're facing and you need advice, or there's something that you just wish that we would take our secret sauce of entertaining, unpacking, uh, advice and go to work researching this topic for you and bringing you the most entertaining, science-backed, and relatable way to approach the things that you're dealing with. So that said, thank you, thank you, thank you. I love you. I believe in you. I love, uh, having your partnership and support. It means everything to me, and it provides so much motivation for our team to go even deeper, get more creative, and keep showing up for you. So, I love you. Thank you. All right, now, (laughs) let's get into this topic, okay? So, I am in Salt Lake City, and I'm about to give a speech, and as I landed, uh, here in Salt Lake City, my phone, when it came back online, started to blow up, and it was text messages from our daughter who is a senior in college. Her name is Kendall, and, um, she is a music student, and she aspires to be a singer-songwriter. And that piece of information is important, because it relates to the heartbreak, the confusion, and the entanglement issues she is going through. So, what is the issue? The issue is she, uh, was really interested in, uh, somebody in her program, and they were collaborating as musicians, they were hooking up, they had a really fun relationship, they really cared about each other, and as these things do, it kind of fizzled out. And recently, there has been a new friend that has come into her life that's also a musician that has been extremely helpful in collaboration, and, uh, Ken's all excited, and in fact, a week ago, she called me and said, "You're never gonna believe this. I met the coolest woman." She wants to do sessions together, she wants to work on music together. "I feel so energized." And now, Kendall's texting me, because she found out a piece of information yesterday-... and it has rocked her world. So let me find... Of course, I do not have this teed up for you. Uh, you can tell this is real time, because I'm like, "Oh my God, I did not, I did not actually prepare," because this is unfold- Oh, here she goes. Okay, found it. So at 11:43 AM, my daughter texts me and says, "Mom, I gotta call you later. I found out some tea, and I'm hashtag sad." And then I said, "Let me guess. Brendan has a girlfriend, that's her high school sweetheart who they've both committed to marrying each other if they're both single, still in their 30s. Is that it? Tell me the tea. I just got off a plane." She says, "No. Ha ha ha ha ha. Remember how I told you my friend wants to help me book sessions and do management stuff?" "Yep." "And come on, you are a tease when it comes to this kind of stuff. Lay it on me." "Sorry, I'm in class." Basically, it's a long story, but she now has a crush on... I'm gonna make up a name, 'cause I don't, um, want to disclose their names. Uh, she has a crush on... What name should we use, everybody?

   2. CRChristopher Robbins7:29

      Steve.

   3. MRMel Robbins7:30

      Steve. She has a crush on Steve. Steve? Do people name their kids Steve anymore? Steve. Okay. Basically, it's a long story, but she has a crush on Steve, and he has a crush on her, 'cause they've done a few sessions together, 'cause she needed help on a song she wrote for a class. And I just know that this is the universe giving me a test, because the fact that she just waltzed into my life, wants to be a bigger part of my life, and she just so happens to be now developing a crush on this boy I have history with and have made really good music with, this, Mom, is not a coincidence. But I'll admit, I did have a big, ugly cry last night, 'cause she's fucking gorgeous, and they haven't even hooked up yet, and he's already telling our friend (beep) that he's crushing on this girl too. Like, bro, we hooked up for six months, and he never said those words to (beep) . So now, I just feel like he was only in it with me for the sex, like wow. Now, I have to give myself some props. I have been working on not trying to jump in and solve my kids' problems. This is so hard for me to do. My anxiety and my need to fix things and my need to make sure my kids are okay has me typically, in this situation, jump in and be like, "Here's what you need to do, and here..." Da-da-da-da. But I have been working on using my own five-second rule, count backwards, five, four, three, two, one, put yourself in pause, and then I choose a different response. And my response now is to not correct a situation, but to seek connection. And so I put myself in pause. I'm so proud of myself for this. You've got to try this with the people in your life. And instead of offering a solution, I just offered connection and said, "Well, that fucking sucks. I hate it when the universe does that." And then she said, like, "What am I supposed to make of this, Mom?" I put myself in pause (laughs) . I did not offer a solution, and I said, "I don't know. What do you think you're supposed to make of this?" Can we just say, good job, Mel Robbins. Like, I feel like, okay, this is a huge leap in my parenting skills. She says, "Well, it almost feels like a test." And then I say, "Do you want me to tell you what I'm thinking?" And she says, "Yes." And I said, "I agree. I think it's a test about how serious you are about music." And then she says, "It's also confusing, because they're both so serious about music, which is why I think they're like into each other, and it's almost confronting for me in a way." And then I wrote, "Every relationship is a test. This one is saying, 'Don't test me, I'm just fine on my own.'" Hey, wouldn't this be a great Lizzo song, this moment? She says, "I know, but this is just so fort- unfortunate. I know that this is just the universe, Mom. All I have been manifesting is devotion to my work and music above all else. And clearly, this is just a test of that manifesting, because they are two people who want to help me make progress in my music career. And now that they could potentially get involved with one another, it's a test to try and shift my attention and question both of their roles and if I actually want to collaborate and use them to help me with my music career. I've been trying so hard all day to have an abundant mindset. Like, good for them, honestly. How great it is that someone I want to produce and write with is also really dig someone that I want to support, that wants to support me, believe in me, and help me grow, you know?" And then I said, "I want you to also consider energy." She said, "Expand on that." I said, "I will later. I think your energy is off now that this has happened, and this is not a good sign." She says, "What do you mean?" I said, "Well, it doesn't work for you to collaborate on music with someone you have weird vibes with." Now, I want to stop right there and unpack something for you. If you never... If you don't know what to do in life, always go in and pay attention to energy.When the energy shifts around people or relationships, or anything that you're doing, that is always a sign about alignment. It's a sign for you to slow down when energy vibes shift and something feels off. As a human being, you are wired to be in alignment. You're wired to feel like things are in a groove. And clearly, when you find out news, like our daughter did 24 hours ago, that somebody that you had been hooking up with and still have a crush on, and still wanna work with, now has a crush on someone else, and she has a crush on them, the energy is gonna shift, and it's now an opportunity for you to learn something about yourself, for you to seek better alignment, and for you to follow the energy that feels good. That's the opportunity of a moment like this, which is why I brought up energy. Let's go back to the text exchange, okay? "Mom, can you expand on that?" I said, "Well, I will later, but your energy is off and that's not a good sign." She said, "What do you mean?" I said, "It doesn't work for you to collaborate on music, which is something very intimate for you, with someone you have weird vibes with." Have you ever had this situation happen to you, like at work, where you kinda had a crush on somebody at work and next thing you know, you're finding out that the person you have a crush on with is actually secretly dating somebody else at work, and now you don't feel like you wanna work on projects with those two? That's an example of that energy being off. And then she says, "You mean the fact that my energy has been thrown by this means that it's not a good call? But Mom, I also think that I can rise above this, and be above this, and let them do their thing without feeling threatened." Okay, let's stop right there. That is so true. What if you could develop the power and the self-awareness to notice in these kinds of heartbreaking and confusing situations that, boom, the energy is off, "Oh my God, I'm disappointed. I'm also confronted." What if you could literally switch gears in that moment? I mean, wouldn't that be a superpower to be able to rise above that kind of thing? And then she writes this, "Well, I don't want to be with him anyway. I mean, I just don't. I just don't want him to want her." Mic drop. Isn't that life right there?

2. 15:00 – 30:00

   Christopher Robbins. …

   1. MRMel Robbins15:00

      And of course I had to say, "You know, that's a song." I know you hate it when I say that, but when I read your texts, I feel like I'm reading lyrics. Oh.

   2. KRKendall Robbins15:13

      Christopher Robbins.

   3. MRMel Robbins15:14

      Okay, right in the middle of this, my husband's calling. Okay, let's, let me, let me just pick it up real quick and let's see what Chris has to say. Did I just... Oh, wait, I don't know what's happening. Is he still calling? Oh, here he is. Hold on. Hey, Chris.

   4. CRChristopher Robbins15:28

      Hey, Mel.

   5. MRMel Robbins15:29

      I'm, uh, taping a podcast. What's up?

   6. CRChristopher Robbins15:34

      I love you.

   7. MRMel Robbins15:35

      I love you, too. Can I say something real quick? I'm talking about the, the situation that Kendall has, uh, with the, uh, that guy she had b- been hooking up with, we're calling him Steve, and her finding out that Steve has a crush on someone at school that is her good friend.

   8. CRChristopher Robbins15:56

      Uh-huh.

   9. MRMel Robbins15:56

      Has she talked to you about this?

   10. CRChristopher Robbins15:59

       This is a recent thing?

   11. MRMel Robbins16:02

       Okay, so I guess you're in the dark.

   12. CRChristopher Robbins16:05

       Yeah, I don't know anything.

   13. MRMel Robbins16:07

       Okay.

   14. CRChristopher Robbins16:08

       She's been trying to, she's been trying to call me, but I don't know if it's explicitly to tell me the story. I don't know anything about it, though.

   15. MRMel Robbins16:14

       She probably is calling you to ask for money.

   16. CRChristopher Robbins16:18

       (laughs) I think she's all set. I can see her.

   17. MRMel Robbins16:25

       All right, well, I'm gonna hang up and keep talking to-

   18. CRChristopher Robbins16:28

       But you're probably right that she's not calling me for relationship advice.

   19. MRMel Robbins16:33

       She's blowing up my phone about it right now, so here's what I'm gonna do. I love you too. I'm gonna hang up with you. I'm gonna continue talking to, uh, the folks that are listening right now on the podcast. Do you want to say hi to everybody?

   20. CRChristopher Robbins16:48

       Hey, everyone.

   21. MRMel Robbins16:50

       Ladies and gentlemen, Christopher Robbins. There he is. Yay! Okay, well, you have a great day. I'll call you later, um, 'cause I'm about to lose my train of thought. Bye.

   22. CRChristopher Robbins17:00

       Bye-bye.

   23. MRMel Robbins17:01

       Okay, so back to the podcast. That was Christopher Robbins. Isn't he cute? Um, okay, I think that's it. So here's what we're gonna do. Um, I am going to try to get Kendall Robbins on the phone, okay? This is what we're gonna do. We're gonna get her on the phone. I have no idea how this is gonna go. One thing I need you to know about this is that this is not staged, and that I am going to try to bring you into my life, but here's one boundary I need you to know as we start to do this on this show. We will never air something that either, that features my kids, or text messages, or a friend, or my husband without them listening to the episode and giving us the okay. I put that boundary in place 'cause I want us to be able to record in a way that is spontaneous and authentic and live, but all, and, and in that environment, allow people to speak freely, but also to have people know that they're safe to speak freely because nothing will air that they're uncomfortable with. So, it's important for me to tell you that so that you understand the steps that I'm taking, um, to both share my life and keep this real.... and raw, and authentic, and relatable, and deeply personal, and also not exploit people or make them feel unsafe. Okay, so let's see if we can get Kendall Robbins on the phone. She does not know that we are calling her. Here we go. For those of you watching on YouTube right now, I just wanna tell you something. We taped what you're about to hear and watch yesterday, and the whole thing went down live, but when I opened yesterday, uh, I was all discombobulated and so I'm in a different outfit than what you're about to see. And frankly, I don't even know how we're gonna end this thing, so I might be in a different outfit (laughs) when you're watching this on YouTube. And that's one of the things why it's important to subscribe to YouTube, because we do release audio versions of the podcast, and the unabridged, behind the scenes, anything goes, crazy ass stuff, longer form is always released on the same day on YouTube. So, you're gonna wanna listen to both, okay? Um, anyway, that's it. So, let's cut to us trying to get to Kendall. Um, here we go.

   24. SCDr. Schneberger19:46

       (phone ringing) Hi, this is Dr. Schneberger, Kendall's grandfather. If you're a boy, hang up. Otherwise, leave a message.

   25. CRChristopher Robbins19:57

       At the tone, please record your message.

   26. MRMel Robbins20:00

       She has had that voicemail message (laughs) that my dad recorded for her since she was in ninth grade. I gotta give her props for having the same outgoing message that your grandfather recorded, I mean, for eight years. Come on, now. If you can roll with that through high school and college, you can roll through somebody crushin' on your ex-crush. That's all I'm sayin'. And you can also get the message in all of this mess of your life, that what is hurting you is probably not meant for you. That it's time that you align your life with a new direction that energizes you, and people that you're in a groove with. It's really that simple. People come and go in your life, and that doesn't mean that you're not gonna be stung when they exit. 'Cause when that door slams, sometimes your finger can get caught in it. You know what I'm sayin'? So, let's see if she calls us back. She's in class. She just texted me, "Mom! Mom, I'm in class. What's your problem?" Uh, we'll fi- she'll find out what my problem is when she calls back, and hopefully we'll be able to air it. (phone ringing) You answer it, just a... Kendall? Oh. Kendall?

   27. KRKendall Robbins21:19

       Hi.

   28. MRMel Robbins21:21

       Hi. Okay, so I... Thank you for calling me back after class. I wanted to talk to you about the texts that we were exchanging today, because it reminded-

   29. KRKendall Robbins21:32

       Okay. (chocolate crunching)

   30. MRMel Robbins21:32

       What are you doing?
3. 30:00 – 45:00

   Would you stoke the…

   1. MRMel Robbins30:00

      Would you stoke the flame on the person you used to be interested in again?

   2. KRKendall Robbins30:04

      That would be like level zero Kendall-

   3. MRMel Robbins30:07

      (laughs)

   4. KRKendall Robbins30:07

      ... because I'm not really somebody that does that after a breakup.

   5. MRMel Robbins30:11

      (laughs)

   6. KRKendall Robbins30:11

      But maybe I might... I, I'm more of like a cold shoulder person, like-

   7. SCDr. Schneberger30:17

      Are you-

   8. KRKendall Robbins30:18

      ... "You don't exist. I don't exist." Which is not really a great tactic I'd do that.

   9. MRMel Robbins30:21

      Is that like a level two?

   10. KRKendall Robbins30:24

       No, I mean... Uh, like I think what I would do is I would pump the brakes on her, and every time I went around, I was around him I'd shut down. I would not collaborate with him, I would not collaborate with her and by... and, and then do it... and I would just heal myself-... in a place of resistance, in a place of shutdown, in a place of like, like I would just go to a really horrible, horrible like detrimental, negative self-talk place that probably wouldn't be lifted for a while.

   11. MRMel Robbins31:04

       You're, you're, you're basically describing-

   12. KRKendall Robbins31:08

       And like listen, listen. I'm, I'm, like I-

   13. MRMel Robbins31:09

       Not me, like in my te- my teens and 20s and sometimes my 30s, but go ahead. And sometimes my 40s, but.

   14. KRKendall Robbins31:15

       Well, what I was gonna say is like when I found out about this, which happened-

   15. MRMel Robbins31:19

       How did you find out?

   16. KRKendall Robbins31:19

       Yeah. Uh, that's not important. I found out. And when I found out about this, which happened quite literally yesterday, all, all of last night and like slivers of today I felt myself in that place. Like not really like acting, not really acting out from that place, but like in that mindset of like looking in the mirror and being like, "Wow, I'm fucking ugly," or being like, "Ooh, she's so much better than me. No wonder he wants her," like, "There's no way I can collaborate her because of this. There's no way that he's ever gonna wanna collaborate with me," like things are gonna be awkward just like over and over and over and over and over. And then like I had to remind myself like, "We're not doing that. We're not gonna be, we're not gonna like live there. We're not gonna be in that mindset," like yada, yada, yada. But like it's day, it's pretty much day one and I'm like already having to sort of like train my, train myself to like not go there.

   17. MRMel Robbins32:21

       Can I ask you a question?

   18. KRKendall Robbins32:23

       Sure.

   19. MRMel Robbins32:24

       'Cause I think this is so incredibly relatable.

   20. KRKendall Robbins32:27

       Mm-hmm.

   21. MRMel Robbins32:28

       And what I visualize when I think about you standing on a street corner and having the thought cross your mind, or seeing them talking, or having a text show up from one of 'em, 'cause y'all are kind of collaborating in a professional sense.

   22. KRKendall Robbins32:48

       Yeah.

   23. MRMel Robbins32:48

       That you now literally find yourself at an emotional and mental crossroad. The text, or seeing them, or a song coming on triggers you to be at the crossroad and the Kendal zero goes down the left-hand road and has negative thoughts that basically beat the hell out of you and tell you a story. "See? More evidence. See this?" And the Kendal... What number are we gonna assign this?

   24. KRKendall Robbins33:24

       Fucking 100.

   25. MRMel Robbins33:25

       Okay. Kendal fucking 100, who then looks at the other fork, which is a fork that's aligned with what you actually want, with who you're becoming, with energy that is in a groove that matches with you. And that's a whole new way of thinking and being for you.

   26. KRKendall Robbins33:48

       Yeah.

   27. MRMel Robbins33:50

       What's this been like? And what would, what, since you're actively in this, what would you, how would you describe what people need to do who are in this situation? They're literally just found out that their ex is going on a date with their friend. They just found out that, um, the dream job that they got or the dream school that they wanted to be in went to somebody else. And there's this moment where the way you thought things were gonna go just don't happen and you feel the sting that you're talking about. And it just causes you to start telling yourself a very old story. "It's never gonna work out for you. This always happens to me. Nobody's gonna love me. You know, when is it gonna be my turn?" All that crap. How does somebody in that moment actually visualize a fork in the road, start to catch that negativity, and redirect themselves in a new direction?

   28. KRKendall Robbins35:07

       Okay. Well... One second. I'm just getting on my bike 'cause-

   29. MRMel Robbins35:13

       Okay. Do we have to ride while we're giving-

   30. KRKendall Robbins35:15

       No.
4. 45:00 – 1:00:00

   Okay. …

   1. MRMel Robbins45:00

      thing.

   2. KRKendall Robbins45:01

      Okay.

   3. MRMel Robbins45:01

      You're able to process this entanglement in hyper, freaking, s- Star Wars, like, whatever speed, like I just see hyper speed-

   4. KRKendall Robbins45:16

      Okay.

   5. MRMel Robbins45:16

      ... because of everything-

   6. KRKendall Robbins45:19

      Agree.

   7. MRMel Robbins45:19

      ... that you allowed yourself to feel and learn and process and mourn and discover about yourself in that painful year of breaking up. Just like I am able to feel a level of contentment and happiness that I've never experienced in my life now that I am 53 because of the protracted, painful, awful, horrible two years of heartbreak that you had a front row seat to.

   8. KRKendall Robbins45:52

      Yeah.

   9. MRMel Robbins45:54

      And I think the breakthrough that you receive in life is in direct reverse proportion to how painful the experience was. And when-

   10. KRKendall Robbins46:09

       Yeah.

   11. MRMel Robbins46:09

       ... you get any-

   12. KRKendall Robbins46:10

       But I don't think that that, I don't think that that is- is widespread, and that isn't, like, a way to seek.

   13. MRMel Robbins46:17

       I don't recommend you smash into a wall to learn a lesson. I'm saying life-

   14. KRKendall Robbins46:21

       No.

   15. MRMel Robbins46:21

       ... does that to you. And if you-

   16. KRKendall Robbins46:23

       Yeah, totally.

   17. MRMel Robbins46:23

       ... are able to process the hard stuff as a lesson, one of the benefits is the second the future you gets within an inch of anything that feels familiar to that old pain, you have an opportunity to go, "Uh, uh, uh, I'm at that crossroad. I see the old me. I could spend a year doing this bullshit where I suck my thumb in the corner and I play small and I pretend my life is over and I hate every other woman because they're prettier," da, da, da, da, da, da. Or-

   18. KRKendall Robbins46:55

       Yeah, uh-huh.

   19. MRMel Robbins46:56

       ... "I know that road," or you actually put yourself in park and say, "Wait a minute. I learned something from that, and what I learned is I'm not fucking doing that again to myself. I'm going to-"

   20. KRKendall Robbins47:07

       Yeah, and I also think that, like... I also think, like, for this example especially, with this, like, girl and this guy, like, I think, like, even yesterday and today, I- I felt a little bit of, like, "Oh, well maybe, like, this, maybe that road that they're on is, like, the wrong one." Like, maybe I'm like, "Oh, well, maybe I should," like, I'm, like, visualizing a lot of, like, going left and going right, and like, the, for some reason, the right is always, like, the right road to go down. I mean, I don't think that was a coincidence in my brain, but what I'm saying is, like, t- yesterday I was like, "You know what? Maybe, like, collaborating with both of these people is not go- is- is- is going to the left, it's not going to the right, and, like I sh- I shouldn't, I shouldn't be go- I shouldn't be collaborating with them. Like, this is not a good idea." But then I was like, "No, because if I wasn't collaborating with them, then I would actually be going to the left because I would be, like, in resistance and I would be in pain and I would be comparing myself to every other woman on the face of the fucking earth." You know what I mean? It's like-

   21. MRMel Robbins48:06

       Yes.

   22. KRKendall Robbins48:07

       ... con- consider that you don't do that, and then see which road you're on.

   23. MRMel Robbins48:11

       Amazing. Hold that thought. I just wanna ask, uh, Andrea and Maddie and, uh, Jesse, do you have any question you want me to ask Kendall? No? Maddie, you got one?

   24. G(Guest (caller)48:30

       I was- I was, like-

   25. MRMel Robbins48:31

       Maddie was crying.

   26. G(Guest (caller)48:31

       ... I'm thin- I was crying because what you said... No, well, what you said is exactly what I've been going through, like, literally right now, um, and what I went through, like, I think almost three and a half years ago when I went through, like, a really prolonged, drawn out breakup where I felt like I wasn't good enough to be in the relationship and I wasn't enough, to be enough for, you know, what he wanted when that wasn't the case.Um, and it's taken me a really long time to get to the other side of it, and I think that what you said is so... And I'm, like, I'm still probably not close to... I'm like, I'm getting there, but I'm not quite there. You know what I mean? Like, it, it just takes time, and I wonder maybe, like... (exhales) I like the question of, like, what would you tell your past self? But, like, not even what could you take away. It's just, like, if you could place yourself in a space-

   27. KRKendall Robbins49:27

       Yeah.

   28. G(Guest (caller)49:27

       ... in this moment, where you feel the exact same way that you felt at that time, like, you, you know that you would make a different decision, right?

   29. KRKendall Robbins49:36

       Yeah. I think honestly, like, if I was in that, like, really hard, like, cyclical bad pattern, what I would do is just, like, every day do, like, a little something that scared me or do, like, every time that I felt, like, just that, like, shit mindset I was going back to, like, every time I felt myself going back to it, like, just toy with the idea or, like, welcome the idea of doing the other thing. You know what I mean? 'Cause that's just, like, sort of building the muscle, like, strengthening the muscle of, like, going to the right instead of the left. Like, because for me, in that really long breakup, it was like I was in the same place, like, "I'm not good enough for him." Like, "He's be-, I'm never gonna be good enough for him." And now, I've gotten to a point where I'm like, "It is a fucking gift that I was even with him, and it is a gift that it didn't work out." And, like, it's not, it had nothing to do with me not being good enough to him. It was just, like, he was a part of my journey and, like, he served his purpose, and I knew all along it wasn't supposed to be, like, a lifetime. But I think it, I resisted going to the right for so long, like, to the point where literally, like, there was a fucking roadblock. Like, the road fell apart. The left road fell apart. And it was like, "I don't have a choice." You know what I mean? And so I think what would, what my piece of advice would be is to, like, practice just, like, turning right a little bit here and there every day. Just go to the right. "Oh, I normally would do this, but let me just try doing that." Or, "I normally would think this, but let me just try thinking that." And I honestly think that, like, that will help you strengthen the muscle because the amount of resistance I was in for so long, going to the left, going to the left, going to the left when the universe was like, "Go to the fucking right," was just, like, a waste of time. And now I know that, like, if I had just practiced trying to do the other thing, think the other way, like, it would've been so much easier for me to see, like, the strung along pattern that had been being created for me all along.

   30. G(Guest (caller)51:32

       Well, I think it's interesting, like, the fact that you say, "Go to the left and go to the right," because I think that you can take that in so many different directions. Like, something that my dad has always told me is, like, "Always, like, choose yourself first," and I've never done this, right? Like, I, I always put others in front of myself and, like, I always put others' feelings and others' situations and how other people, you know, react to what I do before what I think about my actions. And so I think it's interesting, 'cause turning left, to me, when you said it, I was like, "That feels like choosing everybody else, and turning right feels like choosing me."
5. 1:00:00 – 1:01:14

   Section 5

   1. MRMel Robbins1:00:00

      love you and I believe in you, and I believe in me, and I believe in both of our abilities to create a better life. And that's what the Mel Robbins Podcast is all about. You got me, I got you, we're doing it together. So, if you got something out of this episode, please, please, please share this with somebody who could use this. Uh, subscribe to the Mel Robbins Podcast. Wherever you get your podcasts, you're gonna find your friend Mel Robbins there, and, uh, that's it. Have an absolutely amazing day. No, go make it an amazing day, and just make the next right choice for you. (instrumental music) Hey, it's Mel. Thank you so much for being here. If you enjoyed that video, by God, please subscribe, 'cause I don't want you to miss a thing. Thank you so much for being here. We've got so much amazing stuff coming. Thank you so much for sending this stuff to your friends and your family. I love you. We create these videos for you, so make sure you subscribe. Mwah.

Episode duration: 1:01:14