The Mel Robbins Podcast3 SIMPLE steps to create POWERFUL changes in your life | The Mel Robbins Podcast
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110 min read · 21,561 words- 0:00 – 15:00
(ticking sound) Hey, it's Mel,…
- MRMel Robbins
(ticking sound) Hey, it's Mel, and welcome to the very first episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast. Woo! I am so freaking fired up to be here with you. This has been a long freaking time coming, am I right? I have been thinking about doing this damn thing for so long, and now the day is finally here. I'm sitting here with my mic in my hand. I've been thinking about this moment forever. I'm so excited to talk to you, I'm just bursting at the seams. I gotta take a deep breath, 'cause I don't wanna be shouting at you the entire time that we're doing this first episode. So first of all, thank you. Thank you for being here with me, thank you for listening. Thank you for inviting me into your life as you work at home, run errands, go for a walk. I gotta say, your support and how you have shown up for The Mel Robbins Podcast, it is blowing me away. I have a hard time accepting compliments, accepting gifts, accepting health. It's part of my Type A personality. And I am so overwhelmed because of you, and your excitement, and your enthusiasm, and your support, this podcast is debuting as the number one ranked education podcast in the freaking world. And that's not all. We are a top ranking podcast on every single platform out there. I don't even know what to say. Uh, clearly you are as excited about this as I am, and I am overwhelmed by your support. I am grateful, and I'm also grateful because the day that this episode comes out, it's my 54th birthday, and as I sit here, I just want to tell you, your support and you being here listening is the single greatest birthday present I've ever received. My mission with The Mel Robbins Podcast is simple: to help you create a better life. And everybody keeps asking me, "So what's the show about?" Well, the show is about you and me creating a better life, and every single episode, it's gonna be packed with entertaining and actionable takeaways that you can apply to your own life. It'll also have the simple science-backed tools and inspiration that I've taught to people around the world that have helped them change their lives and to find the happiness and fulfillment that you deserve. Now, how's this gonna work? Simple. I'm gonna be here twice a week every single week with the inspiration, the hilarious stories. Yes, you will absolutely meet a ton of amazing and inspiring people on this podcast through the interviews that I'll do as we dig into topics that we, you and I care about, but mostly, this podcast, it's you and me. We're gonna dig into life together. Every single week, I'm gonna take you behind the scenes and on the road and into my life in real time, and I gotta tell you, that's somewhat problematic, because right now, if you could see me, I am sitting in the corner of a hotel room on the floor surrounded by a fortress made of pillows and couch cushions and blankets, and there's a construction site outside, and so I have to stop and then start, and stop and then start, but that's my commitment. I don't want this to be a show. I can't do this thing in a studio. I want this to be two friends having a conversation. I want this to be deeply connected to what's going on in my life, and so that's what I'm gonna do, and I'm gonna be sharing the relatable ups and downs as they happen in my family and in my business and in my head, and I'm gonna give you the takeaways and the breakdowns and the secrets as I'm unpacking them and learning them and discovering them. Because here's the deal: I am committed to supporting you, and I hope you will support me as we both go after our dreams and we both try to improve our lives. Now, I know that there are a ton of new folks listening to this podcast, and so I really wanted to just take a moment before we jump into the topic and say welcome, and I also wanted to introduce myself to those of you who may be hearing my voice for the first time. Now, between you and me, I hate it when somebody asks me, "So what do you do for a living?" Because the truth is, I've done a lot, especially in the past 10 years as my husband and I have clawed our way out of bankruptcy and one by one teed up and faced the problems in our lives and address them, and as I've done the work to build the business and the following that you see today. But when I start to explain my background or list off accomplishments, I just feel really self-conscious, because the fact is, I don't think about myself as someone who's done all these things. I'm just focused on sharing what I'm learning and helping people, and I just figure that, boy, now that I'm on the other side of so many issues I struggled with, if I can save you the headache and the heartache that I caused myself 'cause I just didn't know any better, that is so fulfilling, and that's what motivates me. So, you know, I was sitting here going, "Okay, I gotta introduce myself. How do I do this in a really fun way? How do I make this entertaining? How do I give you an insight to who I really am?" And I thought, "Oh, I got a great idea. What if I asked our 17-year-old teenage son, Oakley Robbins, if he would come on and tell you what he tells people when they say, 'What does your mom do?'". Now, when I first asked him about this, he was like, "No. There's no... What? I- I'm not introducing you. Have somebody else introduce you." I'm like... And I talked to him, I explained why it would really support me and it would really help me, and so he acquiesced. He's not that happy about this. I have no idea what he's (laughs) gonna say. There is not a script in front of him, and so everybody, please welcome Oakley Robbins! All right. So-
- OROakley Robbins
Are we good?
- MRMel Robbins
So I, so I asked somebody that knows me really well to introduce me to you guys.
- OROakley Robbins
And that person is me, her son, Oakley Robbins.
- MRMel Robbins
(laughs) My 17-year-old son, everybody.
- OROakley Robbins
I was asked to introduce my mom. I don't like introducing myself-
- MRMel Robbins
(laughs)
- OROakley Robbins
... or my mom.
- MRMel Robbins
(laughs)
- OROakley Robbins
So, I just gotta jump right into it.
- MRMel Robbins
Okay, go.
- OROakley Robbins
So let me tell you about my mom, guys. She is the most successful female motivational speaker in the world.
- MRMel Robbins
(laughs)
- OROakley Robbins
It's pretty big. But not as big as, not as big as the fact that she was on CNN for four years.
- MRMel Robbins
Wait. That was a long time ago.
- OROakley Robbins
Yeah. But it's CNN.
- MRMel Robbins
Why was-
- OROakley Robbins
For four years.
- MRMel Robbins
Why was that a big deal?
- OROakley Robbins
Because it's CNN.
- MRMel Robbins
I know, but how old were you?
- OROakley Robbins
Nine.
- MRMel Robbins
How did you even know what that was?
- OROakley Robbins
Because like, it's a popular news broadcasting agency. I don't know. Not important.
- MRMel Robbins
Moving on.
- OROakley Robbins
It is important.
- MRMel Robbins
Moving on.
- OROakley Robbins
S- she's a self-published book author. She wrote two books, uh, The 5 Second Rule and The High 5 Habit. Boom!
- MRMel Robbins
(laughs)
- OROakley Robbins
She also wrote a journal, The, The Journal.
- 15:00 – 30:00
Section 2
- MRMel Robbins
start a diet on January 1st. Hello, Mel Robbins. So many people go to the gym for the first time on January 1st. It gives them a natural mental starting line to cross on a new leg of the journey called life. How cool is that? You also experience this fresh start motivation with every new semester in school, the start of a new sports season. You feel like, "This could be our year," right? That's the fresh start effect. The birth of a child, a breakup, a wedding, a death. These are all moments in time where something ends and something else begins. And it's not only happening in the physical space, it's happening in the psychological and spiritual space. That's why so much stirs inside you according to the research. I just realized, you know, this fresh start effect, this is probably why I am addicted to buying new journals. Every time I get a new journal, I crack it open and I literally feel like a new Mel is about to pour out on all those open, empty pages. This phenomenon is so powerful that researchers have even created a label to describe anything that triggers that fresh start motivation that stirs inside you, like your birthday, January 1st, that new journal, a new semester at school. These things are called temporal landmarks. Now, let me explain what a temporal landmark is. A temporal landmark is a date, or an experience, or a physical thing that marks the passing of time. January 1st, for example, is a date. It marks the end of one year and the beginning of a new year. And when the new year begins, you cross that starting line mentally to think about a whole new you. Your birthday is the exact same thing. It's another year, another mile on the road of your life, and this creates all kinds of new possibilities about the stretch of open road ahead. A new semester is an experience that's always brimming with excitement. New friends, new experiences, a chance to think differently about who you are and how you're gonna show up and what you want. A breakup or a divorce, now that's a major temporal landmark, because it not only marks time, it also impacts your identity, your life as a couple before, and now your life as you after the breakup. But here's what researchers have found that I think is fascinating about what happens to your psychology and motivation and thinking. Temporal landmarks not only mark the passing of time, they open up a whole new mental accounting period. Just like an accountant closes the books at the end of a fiscal year and opens up a fresh page to begin a whole new fiscal year, the event, whether it's January 1, the first of the month, a Monday, the end of a fiscal year, or making a wish on your birthday, this landmark creates a break from the past you. It separates you from the things that you feel are imperfect and it silences all that judgment that you have about yourself. And here's the cool thing.When you shut that judge inside you down, you open the door to a whole new vision for yourself. It creates a break from your past self, the things that you feel are imperfect about you or your life, and the things that you judge yourself for. And here's what's really amazing: When you stop judging yourself and you stop focusing on what you think is wrong with your life, you open up the floodgates to what might be. So, let's go back to that moment when you make a wish on your birthday. As soon as you see that cake coming with those candles burning, you go in. You stop hearing everyone singing, you close your eyes. Why? Because mentally, a new accounting period is opening up. You stop caring about the song, and the people around you, and what's happening outside of you. You tune into what you're feeling on the inside, in your heart, in your soul, what you dream about, that thing that's calling from you deep inside that normally you can't hear 'cause you're so focused on all the stupid stuff that we all obsess about. No one even has to tell you to close your eyes. You see that cake coming; you know that you can make a wish. You just do it naturally. And when you go inward, you're disrupting the circuitry of your old thinking, your old judgments, and your past habits. For just a moment, you're escaping the old you, and then, you make the wish. A wish for what could be, a wish for what will happen this year, in the next year of your life. And the same thing happens when you sit down at the end of the year, and you create resolutions. Not the one you share with people at a party; I'm talking about the real ones that you write down in your journal. Here's another moment like that. You know that moment after a really painful breakup? This one takes a little bit of time 'cause you basically need to cry and feel bad about yourself for about a month or two (laughs) , you know? And then, one morning, you wake up and you realize, "Oh my God, I'm happy that's over. I'm better off single." And you let go of the relationship and the version of you who was holding onto it for so long. And more importantly, in that moment of acceptance, you stop judging yourself, and you realize you'll be okay. No, you'll be more than okay: you're gonna be great because of this. And then you start to do the work to create a better life. These temporal landmarks are a big psychological deal because something really profound happens inside of you for a second. You snap out of all the stressful bullshit that's going on and the relentless self-criticism, and you have this mental freedom, this temporary break from your normal negative thinking, and you allow yourself to consider the bigger picture. You allow yourself to envision the future you. You tap into your deepest hopes, your wildest dreams, and your most exciting aspirations. You see a vision for a better life. You see that, yes, you deserve to be happy. And that's exactly what I want you and I to experience today on episode one of the Mel Robbins Podcast. Let's hold each other's hand, and sit side by side, and imagine what might be possible in the next year of our lives if we let go of the past and we hold onto our dreams. That's the invitation I'm giving to you. Allow yourself to have a fresh start. You don't have to wait for your birthday or January 1st to change your life. You can turn the page on the past and start writing that new chapter today. And in just a few minutes, I'm gonna share the three simple steps that you can use to create that powerful change that you've been wishing, wanting, or dreaming about. The fact is, change is possible, and you can't convince me otherwise. I know you might try, but I know that it's a fact: Change is possible. It's possible for everyone, and it's possible for you. Now, we're gonna talk about this in depth, but the bottom line is, if you can imagine that new chapter, there is a way to make it happen, and I guarantee you, someone else on the planet has done it. I mean, there's about eight billion people on this planet. Someone else has faced what you're going through right now. Someone else has built the company that you dream about building. Someone else has gone from where you are to where you envision yourself going. Someone else has improved their relationship, healed their mental illness. And if someone else has done it, you can do it too. Start seeing people in the world around you as evidence of your own success being possible. I want you to start saying to yourself, "If they can do it, then I can do it." Other people's success just proves that you're worthy of what you want, and more importantly, that you're capable of reverse engineering how they got there and doing the work to get it for yourself. Now, I get it: It might not happen the same way or look the same way. You might not be starting on the same starting line, and it might not take the same amount of time. But if you keep telling yourself, "If they can do it, I can do it," you're gonna change your mindset, and you're gonna see that, yes, it's true: There is limitless success, love, money, and happiness. There's enough for everyone, and there's enough for you. And I want you to use me as an example from time to time. If Mel Robbins can do it, then I can do it. And honestly, I'm gonna be looking to you for the same encouragement from time to time, because I'm sure there are things you've accomplished or experienced that I haven't. So, let's agree: We're gonna encourage one another through this thing, okay?I know how to create massive change, because I just did this in my own life. Over the past two years, I've completely reinvented myself and every aspect of my life. And look, I'm not being dramatic, it's a fact. It wasn't easy, but it was worth it. The Mel Robbins that you're hearing right now is not the Mel Robbins that I was just two years ago, two years ago to this exact birthday. On the day that I turned 52, I did not wake up and feel like a million bucks, I did not see an open road, I saw a dead end. I was not kicking ass and taking names. Two years ago when I turned 52, I was sucking wind. I woke up all alone. I felt lost, and stuck, and scared. Here's what was going on in my life. I had just been fired from my dream job, and look, I'd been fired from other jobs in the past when I was younger, but boy, 52? That really stings. Then with COVID, the speaking and event business came to a halt, and as a small business owner, I'm responsible for the livelihood and healthcare of 15 families, including my own. So, I started to panic. As the income dried up, I had no idea how I was gonna continue to make payroll, and to add to that, I had people in my inner circle that betrayed me. They lied to me, they stole from me. So, I just felt rocked because people that I trusted, that I counted on, had violated that trust. That's what made me feel so damn alone. Plus, then college was canceled, remember that? So, we were all under the same roof with our three kids, two of whom were in college and they were all anxious and angry and sad and grieving. I mean, it was like living with caged animals. I bet you felt a lot of these same things. And finally, my husband Chris, he had just been diagnosed with long-term depression. I mean, talk about a shit storm. I felt like absolutely everything was spiraling out of control. So, here I am on my 52nd birthday with all this going on, and I wake up in the bunk room at my mother-in-law's house where we're quarantining, and I just started crying. The sadness that I had been trying to push down, it just poured out of me, and I instinctually picked up my phone and I just started filming how I felt. I figured someone out there on the internet would relate and maybe, just maybe, they might even be able to give me some encouragement back. Now, when we come back after a short word from our sponsors, I'm gonna play that video that I made on my 52nd birthday, and you're gonna hear that sad, lost Mel Robbins. And I want you to hear it, because I want you to know I've been there, and I've been there recently. And clearly, if I'm where I'm at now, kicking ass, taking names, going after my dreams, doing better than ever, I know how to bridge the gap from where you are to where you want to go. And later in the episode, I'm going to share those three steps with you that I took to make powerful changes and reinvent my whole life so that you can use those same proven, simple steps to make whatever changes you want in the next year of your life. We'll be right back. Hey. All right, so today's my 52nd birthday, and um, normally on my birthday I wake up excited because I feel like I've just been handed a clean slate and the opportunity to create a brand new year, and (clears throat) I spend the day reflecting on the last couple years, and I spend, um, the day brainstorming about what I want to create this year. And this year is not a normal year. I did not wake up feeling excited. I woke up feeling lost, because as I thought back over the last few years, it's been an incredible adventure, but I've experienced a tremendous amount of change in my professional and personal life that has just knocked me on my knees. From losing my daytime talk show, to having my book contract rescinded, to having the speaking business basically implode until at least another year from now, um, to not being able to be with you face-to-face, to not being able to work with my team face-to-face, I just got rocked. And then on top of it, our son wanted to go to high school in Vermont, and so we are in the process of moving from the home that we've been in for over 20 years and raised our kids up to a very small town in southern Vermont where I know very few people and I feel very disconnected. And the result of all this is I feel stuck in between two lives. Uh, my old life, which has ended, and a new life that I have yet to create for myself, and when I look ahead to the future, I feel overwhelmed, I feel lost, I feel disconnected. I... In some ways, I feel like I don't even know who I am (laughs) 'cause I feel so disconnected from the things that make me feel alive and happy. Oh my God. I was really lost. I mean, just hearing 52-year-old me sound like that,
- 30:00 – 45:00
Section 3
- MRMel Robbins
so sad, it just puts a pit in my stomach. Oh my God. And look, I can kinda laugh about it now because I'm on the other side of this thing, but when you're in it, it can be overwhelming. If I could go back in time and talk to the 52-year-old me, here's what I would do. I would say, "First of all, that's a lot. You should have a good cry."Then, I would give Mel a big, huge hug, because in moments like that, we need reassurance. But then, then comes the tough love. I'd be like, "Look, Mel, you gotta remember who you are. You can face this," and then I would drop this quote on her. "Hey, woman, if you wanna fly, you gotta give up the shit that weighs you down." Toni Morrison said that, and boy ain't that the truth. You gotta give up the shit that weighs you down, and a lot of times, at least with me, what's weighing me down, it's my own attitude, and I know you can relate to that. I just hate that saying, "It is what it is." No, it isn't. It is what you make it to be. The fact is, there is always something you can do to make yourself feel just a little bit better, and when you do something that makes you feel a little better, no matter what's going on, that boost in your mood, that boost in your attitude, it is essential to helping you face any challenge and improve any situation. And even though in that video I felt lost, there were three things that I did and that I continued to do over the past two years and that I continue to do now, all of which is rooted in research, to pick myself back up and face the mess that my life had become, and more importantly, to start doing the work to create the life I wanted. I believe that you are capable of changing. I do. I've just seen too much evidence over the course of my career, amazing changes that people just like you and me have made. So, I know you're thinking, "Well, this is great, Mel, but where do I begin?" So step number one, you begin by making a wish. Just like that moment on your birthday when you close your eyes and wish for something to come true in this next year of your life, right now, do the same. Close your eyes and think about the next year of your life. What do you want the next year of your life to look like? Begin by making a wish. That's how I began two years ago. Yup, my business was upside down, kids were in shambles. My husband was struggling with depression, and I was struggling with everything. I had to create a break from that moment of pain and allow myself to see something different. At the time, I had no idea what the new chapter of my life would be or could be. Here's what I did know, I don't wanna stay in this one, and that's all you need to know. All you need to know is you don't want to stay in the place that you're in right now. That right there is a wish for something better. If you know what you don't want, it's very easy to change. As soon as you start removing or letting go of things that aren't working, you'll see all new possibilities. So let's go back to that video that I made on my 52nd birthday, because once I laid it all out there, I instinctually laid out the three steps I was gonna take. I made a wish. I identified some things that I could do that would make me feel a little better, and I also changed my attitude. And if I can do it, so can you. So let's go back to the rest of that video from my 52nd birthday, and you're about to hear 52 year old Mel wipe away the tears and start taking action. (music) Here are the steps I'm gonna take. Number one, self-awareness is critical, so recognizing that you feel lost or disconnected or suspended between your old life and your new life, overwhelmed. Whatever you feel, it's so important to name it, 'cause when you name it, you bring it out of the feeling in your body and out into the world, and then you can do things to tame that feeling. Number two, the most important thing that you should do is move your body, because all this negative emotion is trapped in your body right now, and it's only through exercise and motion that you'll move it out of your body and you'll change your emotional state. So, I am going to go put on an exercise tape and work up a sweat. Will that solve all my problems? No, but it will put me in a better emotional state so that I can think more clearly and more optimistically and start to see solutions. Number three, the best advice about happiness is happy people do things that make them happy, and so after you move your body and you change your emotional state, do one thing that makes you happy, and for me, I'm gonna go out and buy myself some beautiful flowers. I've been doing a lot of writing this morning, just dumping all my thoughts onto paper, and I think journaling out your thoughts is a really important thing to do when you feel stuck or overwhelmed or suspended. And then finally, continue to remind yourself that this is temporary. This is temporary. This moment is temporary. These feelings are temporary. This feeling of stuckness and overwhelm is temporary. Oh. Ooh. Oh, oh, oh. Those sneezes are temporary, and I think the biggest thing about that mantra, that this is temporary, is so is your life. And maybe that's why birthdays are overwhelming, because they always make you think about the timeline of your life, and so after you become self-aware and you move your body, which moves your emotions, and you do something simple that makes you happy, and you dump all your thoughts on a piece of paper, remind yourself that this is temporary and force yourself to start dreaming again. Because when you give up on your dreams, you give up on yourself, and I think that's one of the reasons why I woke up feeling lost today. When I look ahead, I don't see anything I'm looking forward to because I haven't created something new to look forward to, and that's the secret. How you're feeling right now is a function of what you see in the future.And if you see overwhelm and a blank page and nothingness, that's how you're gonna feel right now. And so, I want you to dream big. I want you to put something on that paper that's out in that future that calls to you, that gives you something to look forward to, to go for. That's how you will pull yourself out of it, and that's how I'm gonna pull myself out of this too. So, that's my birthday message. Not really inspiring. It's authentic and it's real because this is where I am right now, and I also know that despite how low I feel, I have a choice. I have a choice about what I do about it, I have a choice about who I'm gonna be in the face of it, and I have a choice about what comes next. So by God, I'm going to, five, four, three, two, one, push myself to create a future that really empowers me, and I want you to do the same too. If you could do anything for me for my birthday, it would be for you to dream really big today. That would mean everything to me. (smooch) I love you. Way to go, 52-year-old me. Mel, if you could only see where you end up two years later, you'd be so proud of yourself, woman. And you know what? When you follow these same three simple steps, you're gonna be proud of yourself too, and I wanna make sure you're not just listening along or watching this podcast episode on YouTube. I wanna make sure you're able to apply these three takeaways and what you're learning in this episode to your own life right now. So, let's recap what you've learned so far. You've learned about the fresh start effect and how temporal landmarks can trigger a whole new chapter in your life and unlock the intrinsic motivation that's inside you that's gonna help you take action. Let's create your fresh start right now. Step one: You already heard this. Make a wish. Just ask yourself one powerful question: What do I want the next year of my life to look like? Number two: No matter how you feel, start taking the actions that align with what you want in your life. Stop making the mistake of waiting to feel happy or motivated before you take action. The secret? It's taking action first, because if you can get moving, you can keep moving, and research shows that just a little boost in your mood impacts your productivity for the rest of the day. It impacts your focus. It gives you a little uptick in energy. Taking actions that align with the bigger vision and the future you, it taps into this huge body of research called behavioral activation therapy. Now, you're gonna learn a tremendous amount about this therapy modality in future episodes of the Mel Robbins Podcast, but here's how I'd summarize it for you. Act like the person you want to become in the future no matter how you feel in the present moment. Look, I know it sounds simple, act like the future you, but this is grounded in decades of research, and it works. This is how I've made every single change in my life. Once I figure out what I wanna do or the kind of person I wanna become, I figure out someone else in the world that's doing it and I just reverse engineer it. And that's how you create a brick path that leads from where you are right now to where that wish of yours wants to take you. And every morning, wake up, take one action that aligns with what you want or the person that you wanna become, and you can consider that action, it represents one brick. And if you keep doing that day by day, brick by brick, action by action, you're gonna look up a year from now and you'll realize, "Oh my God, I just paved a brick path leading to my dreams. What the heck? Mel was right." And step number three in making powerful change in your life: Find the proof that you can do it. It's all around you. You just need to look for it. Find anyone that has the life that you want or that has made the change that you wanna make. Their relationship, their career, their body, their family, their friend group. Anytime you see someone who has already made the change you wanna make in your life, tell yourself, "There's proof it exists." Use people as evidence that yes, you can have what you wish for too if you're willing to work for it. See people as a light on the path to your future self. For years, that was not me. I was the opposite. I did not see other people as lights on my path. I saw people as robbing me of the lights that I wanted. I had this really stingy, jealous, and insecure attitude. If a friend of mine was renovating their kitchen, I would smile that tight smile that people have when they're faking a smile, and I'd go, "Oh, it's so pretty. I love the white cabinets." But inside, I was seething with jealousy, and the reason why is because I believed that somebody else's happiness or success somehow was robbing me of mine. It's the opposite. Their beautiful kitchen means if I can work for it, I can have one too. Their amazing relationships means I can create it too. Their success or the business they've built means it's possible for you too. This alone, if you just do this third step, this one mindset flip, it is a complete game changer. Here's how you do it. There is unlimited success, happiness, and fulfillment in the world. You're not in competition with anyone. The only one that can rob you of the success, happiness, and fulfillment that you deserve is you and your excuses and fears and sitting around waiting to feel motivated. We're gonna stop that today.Correct? Good. I'm glad you're listening, 'cause we're not doing that anymore. You're not gonna wait six years to get started. You are gonna start taking actions that align with what you want now. And when you see other people as evidence of what's possible for you, as you start seeing them not as extinguishing your light, but lighting the path that you're now walking on, holy cow, talk about throwing gasoline on that internal fire of yours. And by the way, don't you ever forget, you are a light on the path for someone else and you don't even realize it. So, think about that for a second. You are just a step or two ahead of someone else. I mean, if you've grieved the loss of a loved one, if you've changed your career, if you've survived heartache, if you sold a family home, if you've reinvented some aspect of your life, if you've lost weight, if you're able to live with depression, if you're the first in your family to graduate from college, your life experience proves to someone else that it's possible for them too. So, you better make sure that as you start chipping away at your own wishes and goals, that you hold that light up a little bit higher for everybody that's behind you. Now, these steps sound super simple, so I'm gonna go through them one more time, because I wanna make sure you get how powerful they are. So, let's go back to 52-year-old Mel, and let me explain how each one of these steps worked for me back when I was sad and lost two years ago. So, step number one, you make a wish. You gotta consider that question: What do I want my life to look like? Now, here's the truth, I couldn't answer that question two years ago. When I was 52, sitting there crying in the bunk room, I had no idea. I didn't know what I wanted. I didn't even know how to fix all my problems, and that's okay. You don't have to know the answers, because those will come. But I did know I didn't want to stay feeling sad, and that's all I needed to start the change, because step two is, once you know one small thing, "I don't want to feel so sad. I don't want to be lost on my birthday," just take actions that align with that thing that you want. I wanted to be happier, so I just focused on simple things I could do in that day to make me
- 45:00 – 1:00:00
Your birthday saved my…
- MRMel Robbins
feel a little better. I get it, this isn't rocket science, but it works. But somehow, when you start to apply this stuff, it does feel like rocket science, because it does launch you somewhere else. So, that day, I exercised, I bought myself flowers, I watched some standup comedy specials on TV so I would laugh a little. I just forced myself to do those things, to start walking toward what I wanted, which was just to feel a little happier. And look, this stuff doesn't work overnight; it works over time. And so, every day, I just woke up, and I kept making myself do the things that made me feel a little better, even though I didn't feel like it. Simple things, exercising, journaling. And I kept on contemplating that question: What do I want my life to look like? And over time, day after day, brick after brick, as I added in positive, forward action aligned with feeling a little happier, and as I started to let go of things that were bringing me tension or sadness or friction, the answers started to emerge. I didn't want to travel so much for work. I didn't want to miss out on my son's high school the way I missed out on our daughter's high school experience. I wanted to get reconnected at a really deep level with my husband. I wanted to have time to see friends again and do things in the community. I didn't want to feel so damn busy and burnt out. And I didn't want to fall asleep with a to-do list on my mind and wake up every morning panic-stricken because of how much I had to get done. I wanted to simplify my life and get serious about being happier and more content in it. And as you ask yourself the question, what do you want your life to look like?, be patient. As I got clearer about what I wanted, and then I aligned my actions with that new vision, I started acting like the person I wanted to become. Simplifying means saying no. It means asking for help. And I chipped away, day by day, and I started getting my mental health in order, slowed down, and I created an entirely different relationship with my husband by jumping into therapy. I also started being more present with my kids. And through all these small changes, I realized something bigger. It was time to sell the house that we had raised our kids in for 26 years outside of Boston, Massachusetts, and create a simpler life in Southern Vermont. And as I started to say no and put what mattered to me first, I all of a sudden had more time to do what I really wanted, which is to launch this podcast, because I wanted to forge a deeper connection with you. Brick by brick, I laid a path with my actions, and now here I am. And if I can do it, you can do it, and that's why step number three is critical: Look for lights on the path. I looked for other people who had simpler business models, who had relationships, and who were doing the fun things that I wanted to do, and I just let them light the way toward the future I wanted. I kept telling myself, "If they can do it, I can do it." And if you don't have anyone in your life like that, someone that lights the way for you, let me be that person. Tell yourself, "If Mel Robbins can do it, then I can do it," because it's true. I'm living proof that if I can do it, you can do it. Big change starts with small wishes, like, "I want to feel happier."... and tiny actions lead to massive transformation over time. Psychologically speaking, those little daily moves forward that I was making, trying to just be a little bit happier, moving toward the person I really wanted to become, it changes what you believe about yourself because doing the small things every single day, especially when you don't feel like it, it proves that you do have a choice about what you do and how you feel. And eventually, as you do the small things that make you feel better and better and better, you will feel better and better and better. And as you see yourself taking these little actions, you start seeing yourself taking control, and the momentum, the pride, and the confidence builds inside you. That's what happened to me, and I know the same will be true for you. And I have proof that this works. So yesterday, check this out, I got an email from a woman named Danielle, and guess what she was writing me about. She was writing to tell me, about a year ago, she stumbled upon guess what video. Yeah, you guessed it, the one I made on my 52nd birthday. I mean, come on, what are the odds? I was about to start taping an episode about the same video and now, suddenly, I'm getting an email from a stranger telling me, "Oh, by the way, Mel, I saw that video on your 52nd birthday, and I followed the steps in it, and now my life has changed." What are the odds? Those are magical, and I always pay attention to that kinda stuff, so I reached out to her, I talked to her on the phone, and now I want you to listen to her read the email she sent to me yesterday. I just love this kinda stuff because it all connects. And before I play it, I wanna warn you that this may be triggering for you to hear because when Danielle stumbled upon that 52nd birthday video of mine, she was in a way worse place than I was up in that bunker room. She was thinking of ending her life.
- DADanielle
Your birthday saved my life. The video you made on your 52nd birthday was the first Mel video I had ever seen, and it was the last day of my life, or it would have been. A couple years previously, I had made a pact with one of my best friends that if either one of us were thinking about suicide, we would call one another, and we would talk as long as we needed. And at the end of the talk I had with him the night before, he made me promise him that I would give my life 24 more hours, "Because a day can change everything," is what he said. And the next day, late afternoon, waiting for night to come, YouTube said I should watch your video, and I promised my friend 24 hours more, which I spent largely watching your videos. (laughs) And I'm still here. You know, and it sounds a little bit even silly, but, um, I remember at one point in the video when she just, you know, she got to the point where she had laid it all out there how she feels and what's going on, that she said, "So this is what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna go out and I'm gonna buy myself some flowers." And I was like, "Okay, I get that." Like, you know, I mean, happiness isn't, like, a goal that, like, once you've completed all these things in your life that are wrong with it, then you're allowed to be happy. It's something that you actually have to try to do every day, and, and you can just do this one little thing, and that can make today better than it was.
- MRMel Robbins
I mean, come on now, don't you just love Danielle? And look, over the past year, Danielle has been slowly chipping away at creating a better life, just like I have for these past two years and just like you're gonna do now that you've listened to this episode. See, doing the little things every single day that align with where you're going and who you wanna become, that's the secret. It works. The bottom line is, you have the power to change your life. Period. You have to act like the person you wanna become before you feel like that person. And if I can do it, you can do it. Plain and simple. There are things that are locked in your heart and your mind and soul that are calling to you. Stop denying it. There are changes that you wanna make. Stop ignoring those changes. The whole point of this episode is to get you to not only believe that change is possible for you, but to start taking the steps to make the change a reality. I want you to claim what you want by the end of this episode. I want you to close your eyes and envision something amazing in this next year of your life because, yes, you can change. And, yes, you can take the actions that will make that change a reality. I mean, is it gonna happen overnight? Of course not. But it'll change over time. And if you can make today just a little better, guess what? You can make tomorrow a little better. And if you can have a better day, then you can have a better week. And if you can have a better week, you can have a better month. And those months lead ultimately down the path to the life that you envisioned for yourself. You deserve to be happy, and I believe that you're listening to this episode right now with Mel Robbins because you are meant to. I mean, think, you, you could have picked, uh, you could have picked a million other episodes, but you are on this one right now with me. Why? Because you're supposed to hear this at this exact moment in your life. You needed the reminder that there is something bigger that is meant for you. You got so much amazing stuff to do with this next year of your life. You got dreams to fulfill. You got lives to change. Stop focusing your energy on the stupid crap that weighs you down. It does not matter. Your past does not matter. The things that you're worried about, it doesn't matter. I mean, who cares if they didn't read your text? Who cares if you didn't get that job you applied for? Do you know how many jobs there are out there?It's time to see the bigger picture. It's time to focus on what you want. I know, I get it. It sucks when you get the courage to ask somebody out and they say no, or you work for months trying to close a massive sale and it goes to somebody else. And it's an awful feeling to wake up and have the depression be overwhelming, and you're not gonna feel like kicking ass today. You're gonna feel like licking your wounds. I got it, and here's what I'm gonna tell you. Have a good cry, give yourself a hug, and then dig deep and let Mel Robbins remind you of who you are. There is power inside of you to face this and to make it better, and you know it. In those moments when you feel like you just got punched in the gut, you have power within you. You have the ability to create this fresh start, to close your eyes, to envision what you want instead of surviving through what you have. On those mornings when you wake up with the weight of the world on your shoulders, wake up and get your ass out of bed. Get dressed, get yourself out the door, and do the things that make you feel slightly better. Start acting like the person you wanna become instead of the person you are today. Start taking actions that align with what you want in your life. It's only when you start to act before you feel ready that this turns around. I get it, you should've landed the funding. You did deserve the job. It does blow when you don't get into your dream school and your best friend does. But you know what? That's not gonna stop you from getting what you want, because you are gonna pick yourself back up. You know that this is gonna pass. You know that through your actions and your attitude, you can change where you're at. And you know that you can make yourself feel a little bit better, no matter what you're facing. And you can't tell me otherwise. Every single day when you wake up, the clock resets, the past expires, and the future, it is yours to create. There is an open road, there is a blank page, there is a wish that you need to turn into a reality. Today is a gift, and you get to decide what you're gonna do with that gift. Is it one day or day one? You decide. You decide with the actions you take today. You can change and today is the day to prove it to yourself. So go do it. This is not a thinking podcast. This is a doing podcast. So here's what you're going to do. First of all, you gotta bookmark or save this episode, because the next time you feel a little kicked down, trust me, you're gonna want a little Mel Robbins motivational magic in your life. I will remind you of who you are and the steps to get that power back. That's number one. Number two, let's make a wish. As soon as this episode is over, you're gonna create a voice memo from your future self, as if that wish that you have for this coming year has come true. Here's what you're gonna do. I want you to time travel ahead a year. Pretend you are in this life, you've done the work to make your wish your reality. Now, turn on that voice memo and act like the future you and tell the person today, "What's life like a year from now?" Describe it in detail. "What's your day look like? What are you doing? What have you changed? How proud of you, how proud of yourself are you?" Just like I told you what I would go back and say to the 52-year-old Mel, I want the future you to say, "You're gonna be so proud of yourself. Let me tell you where all this hard work this next year ends up." And third, if you got anything out of this, please follow or subscribe to The Mel Robbins Podcast. That way, these episodes will be right there, ready for you in your queue when they drop. And also, it's one of the biggest things that you could do to support me and the success of this podcast. Just follow the show. And finally, here's one other thing you could do. We talked a lot about lights on the path. Be one for someone else and share this episode with anybody that you care about that you know needs to hear this. And finally, please find the courage and the confidence that's within you. It's in there. You were born with it. When you go to make that wish, and you close your eyes, and that fresh start effect takes hold,
- 1:00:00 – 1:02:51
Section 5
- MRMel Robbins
I want you to imagine something big. Don't hold yourself back. Really go for it, because here's the deal. You've now got Mel Robbins as a friend, and I'm gonna be not only a light on the path, I'm gonna be here every single week, twice a week, as an essential part of you turning that wish into a reality. I'll bring the support, the encouragement, and I will certainly be celebrating you as you do the work to make that dream come true. Every single episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, by the way, is not only released on every podcast network in audio, we got long-form, uncut, behind-the-scene video versions as well. And all the resources, show notes, studies, absolutely everything that you could need to dig in deeper, it is all linked with every episode at melrobbins.com. Why are we doing that? Because change is hard enough, and it is way more fun and a hell of a lot easier when you and I, we do it together. And that's what I wanna do. I wanna make this fun and easy for both of us. I want you to feel connected as you're going after your goals. I want you to hold my hand as we go through the ups and downs of life, because there is no avoiding the challenging moments. So how about we lock arms? Let's leave no one behind, and let's do this thing called life together. Oh, and one more thing. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. This 54th birthday has already been the very best birthday of my entire life because of you. Thank you for your support. Thank you for listening to this episode. Thank you for sharing the episode, and thank you on behalf of my team for having us debut at the top of almost every fricking chart around the world. And in case no one else tells you today, I wanted to be sure to tell you that I love you and I believe in you and your ability to create a life you truly love. All right, now go blow out all those candles and make that wish come true. (instrumental music) Hey, it's Mel. Thank you so much for being here. If you enjoyed that video, by God, please subscribe 'cause I don't want you to miss a thing. Thank you so much for being here. We've got so much amazing stuff coming. Thank you so much for sending this stuff to your friends and your family. I love you. We create these videos for you, so make sure you subscribe. Mwah.
Episode duration: 1:02:51
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