5 Things Only Fake Friends Do & How to Let Go of What No Longer Serves You with Trent Shelton

1. 0:00 – 1:40

   Intro

   1. MRMel Robbins0:00

      Hey, it's your friend Mel. And have you ever wondered whether or not you're surrounded by the right people? I mean, stop and think about it. Maybe your life is harder than it needs to be, and it's not you that's the problem. It's the people that you're hanging out with that are holding you back. Are you ready? I'm ready. I cannot wait. This is going to be inspirational fire power. We got Trent Shelton in the house. Let's start the Mel Robbins Podcast. Five, four, three, two, one.

   2. TSTrent Shelton0:33

      That's the thing, Mel, when you start to change for the better, people say, "Oh, you changed." I'm like, "Of course, that's what I'm supposed to do." I always say, "I trust people for who they are. The problem is we trust people for who we want them to be." If people wanna call me cold-hearted, I would rather be viewed as cold-hearted than live broken-hearted. And I'm not gonna break my heart continuing to be misused time and time again. You're gonna meet a version of yourself in the future, whether that future's a year from now, 10 years from now, and that version depends on the choices that you make. Do you wanna die unhappy?

   3. MRMel Robbins1:12

      (laughs) He was (beep) fantastic. He was amazing, really. Hey, it's your friend Mel, and I'm so excited to talk to you today. And the reason why I'm so excited is because I wanna give you and me permission to take a very critical look at the people that you surround yourself with. Are they helping you move your life forward, or are they keeping you standing still? The fact is, your relationships

2. 1:40 – 2:25

   Harvard study found THESE have the #1 biggest impact on your life.

   1. MRMel Robbins1:40

      have the single biggest impact on the quality of your life. I'm not making this up. This is so well researched. In fact, if you look at the Harvard Study of Adult Development, which is the single most detailed study about the wellbeing of human beings of all time, it is so clear that positive relationships have the biggest impact on creating a positive life. But here's the deal, if you're surrounded by the wrong people, it is devastating to your happiness and it robs you of all of the potential that is available to you in your life. And that's why I have invited my dear friend Trent Shelton to join you and me on the podcast today to talk about this. Here's one of my favorite quotes from Trent, "At some

3. 2:25 – 4:45

   Mel’s favorite quote from her friend, Trent Shelton.

   1. MRMel Robbins2:25

      point in your life, you get tired of unhealthy connections, whether it be people or things, and as you grow, certain things become intolerable to your liking." And that's okay. But what you're gonna learn today is it's more than okay to outgrow people. It's critical to identify unhealthy connections and learn how to protect your peace, create more positive relationships, so that you can grow. In fact, Protect Your Peace is the name of Trent's new best-selling book. After his football career, Trent took to inspiring people online. He now has 15 million followers, reaches over 60 million people a week, and he has an impassioned plea, wake up and claim your power to change your life. So whether you are listening today for yourself or you are listening for a loved one who you're gonna share this with because they need the reminder, here is what you're gonna learn. You must protect your energy from the things that drain it. You must protect your mind from the things that distract you. And protect your soul from the things that no longer fulfill you. So without further ado, please help me welcome my friend Trent Shelton to the Mel Robbins Podcast.

   2. TSTrent Shelton3:38

      What up, Mel? How you doing?

   3. MRMel Robbins3:39

      (laughs) What up? I love you. That's a lot that you've done in your life.

   4. TSTrent Shelton3:47

      Yeah. I mean, it's been a long journey, you know, just with a lot of stuff, so...

   5. MRMel Robbins3:51

      Well, you've changed a lot of lives, Trent. And one of the things that you always say is you say that the number one thing that stands in the way of creating a more positive life is that so much is robbing you of your peace.

   6. TSTrent Shelton4:07

      For sure.

   7. MRMel Robbins4:08

      What is the biggest barrier for people in terms of creating a more powerful and positive life?

   8. TSTrent Shelton4:13

      I would say the main thing, Mel, I know in my life for people, it's been what surrounds your life. Um, so many times in my life, um, when I look at my circle, whether it be playing NFL, whether it be doing what I'm doing now, when I had the wrong environment around me, it drained me. It kept me from my peace. I didn't feel energized. But when I got around the right people, it truly helped me. So I would tell, like, "Look at your circle. Look at your environment," because I think that's the main barrier from keeping you from where you wanna go and what you wanna do with your life.

   9. MRMel Robbins4:43

      So for somebody that's never

4. 4:45 – 7:25

   How do you know if your friends are not genuine?

   1. MRMel Robbins4:45

      even thought about this, what does it feel like or how do you even know if you're, like, surrounded by the wrong people?

   2. TSTrent Shelton4:52

      The first thing I would tell them is, "How do you feel?" When you're in the right environment around the right people, I always say this, "You never have to question anything that's real." So if you have so many questions about, "Are these people for me? Is this environment for me?" then you probably got your answer. Does this person love me? If all you had to offer was friendship, who would still be around? And that's a question I asked myself. And it exposed a lot to me because I knew if I just had friendship, I would lose a lot, because a lot of people are around me because of what surround me. They didn't love Trent for the heart of who I am. They didn't love Trent for the human. They loved Trent because of what Trent could provide. And so when you lose those benefits, you'll often li- will see somebody's true loyalty to you.

   3. MRMel Robbins5:42

      Mm.

   4. TSTrent Shelton5:43

      So I love to say, "When a benefit ends, that's when the loyalty stops." And so if you're drained, if you're empty, if you're always questioning things, if you're not fulfilled, you don't have peace in your life, that means the people around you aren't right. And sometimes it's family. Sometimes it's friends that you knew for years. But for myself, I refuse to allow the history to keep me in the misery.... 'cause it's so hard. Because I knew this person since elementary, or I knew this person for five or 10 years. I can't let go of this person. But just because who they were in their past to you doesn't mean they're gonna be that in your future. And so that's helped me make decisions moving forward with my life when it became hard to let go of certain people that I didn't wanna let go of, but I had to.

   5. MRMel Robbins6:27

      I can already feel the person that's taking a walk with us right now or listening in their car going, "Oh, God."

   6. TSTrent Shelton6:34

      Yeah. (laughs)

   7. MRMel Robbins6:35

      "I, I, I have, I know exactly who you're talking about in my life, Trent." I wanna go a little bit deeper, because I personally think, Trent, that so many of us go through our lives, and we're not even aware that it could feel different.

   8. TSTrent Shelton6:50

      Right.

   9. MRMel Robbins6:51

      And, you know, here you're somebody that was in, in the, in the NFL. And I would imagine that when you left your football career that that was probably a tipping point where you were like, "Wait a minute, there's a lot of people that were around me when they could say they were friends with somebody in the NFL."

   10. TSTrent Shelton7:04

       For sure.

   11. MRMel Robbins7:05

       "But now that I'm not doing that..." Is that what you mean by benefits? And can you help somebody that has never even considered, "Wait a minute. Are these people my friends? How do I even know?"

   12. TSTrent Shelton7:17

       Yeah. I mean, when I say benefits, it's what you have to give.

   13. MRMel Robbins7:22

       Okay.

   14. TSTrent Shelton7:22

       So, I'll give a perfect example.

5. 7:25 – 12:40

   This one word will reveal the quality of your relationships.

   1. TSTrent Shelton7:26

      When you say no, that's when you will see how somebody really feels about you. And if no changes the relationship, then I would like to say that relationship wasn't real in the first place. So when I started saying no, AKA the benefits, "Hey, nah, I don't wanna go out to dinner tonight. Nah, we're not going to the club. Nah, I'm not gonna pay for it." (laughs)

   2. MRMel Robbins7:46

      Yep.

   3. TSTrent Shelton7:46

      "I'm not gonna do it."

   4. MRMel Robbins7:48

      Yep.

   5. TSTrent Shelton7:48

      And you saw the energy shift.

   6. MRMel Robbins7:50

      Mm-hmm.

   7. TSTrent Shelton7:51

      You saw side conversations about me, how I've changed, because that's the thing, Mel. When you start to change for the better, people say, "Oh, you changed." I'm like, "Of course, that's what I'm supposed to do, but what changed is the position that I had in your life. So no longer can I be the person that you can use. No longer can I be the person that allows, uh, non-reciprocation, meaning that if I give it, I expect to receive it."

   8. MRMel Robbins8:20

      Yeah.

   9. TSTrent Shelton8:20

      "If I'm giving you support, I expect you to give me some support in some type of way. It doesn't have to be the same." And so once I saw that these friendships were a one-way street, I had to bring it to a dead end, because friendships and relationships should always be a two-way street. And if it's not, you gotta look at your life and say, "Okay, I need to change these people's position in my life." It doesn't mean that you kick 'em out your life and remove 'em, but sometimes you have to learn how to love people from a distance.

   10. MRMel Robbins8:48

       Hmm.

   11. TSTrent Shelton8:48

       And that's hard.

   12. MRMel Robbins8:49

       Very hard.

   13. TSTrent Shelton8:50

       But I had, but I had to do that, and that truly gave me more peace in my life.

   14. MRMel Robbins8:54

       Well, I'm sitting here thinking about just this fact that you just said, which is as you grow, the role that people play in your life is gonna change. And I can think about for myself personally that as I've really worked on myself, and I got out of that habit of constantly complaining about what was going on, and I just put my head down and got to work, I started to notice that the people that I used to spend a lot of time sitting around complaining about my life to-

   15. TSTrent Shelton9:21

       Yeah. (laughs)

   16. MRMel Robbins9:21

       ... the position of their friendship and relationship changed because I didn't wanna spend my time doing that anymore.

   17. TSTrent Shelton9:27

       That's right.

   18. MRMel Robbins9:28

       As I stopped partying as much as I used to, like that's a big one. Chris doesn't really drink at all. And when you stop prioritizing going out every weekend, spending money on that kind of stuff, you also start to notice that there are friendships that you have that are all around that type of life-

   19. TSTrent Shelton9:46

       That's right.

   20. MRMel Robbins9:46

       ... or that chapter of your life, but when you start to prioritize your health or some side hustle, that the position changes. Wow. What's one of the hardest things that you've had to do as you've started to realize, "Wow, like this person's only in my life because they're used to getting something from me that I was used to giving to people"?

   21. TSTrent Shelton10:07

       (laughs)

   22. MRMel Robbins10:08

       (laughs) Here we go. (laughs)

   23. TSTrent Shelton10:10

       So many times, I'm thinking like, "Which time?" Um, but I would have to say, I learned this in high school. Once I... And it's hard sometimes, Mel, when you're the person that is the success out the group.

   24. MRMel Robbins10:26

       Hmm.

   25. TSTrent Shelton10:26

       Even in high school, I had a group of friends. And obviously we all wanted to make it, division one football player.

   26. MRMel Robbins10:31

       Yep.

   27. TSTrent Shelton10:32

       And I was the one that made it, and they didn't. And as I started to get recognition, they started to change on me. One of them even tried to talk to my girlfriend behind my back. (laughs)

   28. MRMel Robbins10:41

       (laughs)

   29. TSTrent Shelton10:41

       I'm like, "Come on, bro." Right? And a lot of rumors and things that were said around people that I loved and cared about, would do anything for. And these are the same people that I would say, "Man, we, we all have this goal, and just because I made it, I made it, we all make it." And so I realized at that point in my life that, "Wait a minute, if you can't be happy for my happiness, that's a problem. If my success makes you bitter, that's a problem." Because a true friend, they will be more happy for you than you are for yourself. A true friend, you gotta say, "Hey, chill out. I know you're telling the world. I know you're excited, but don't do that." But that's what a true friend is. And so in that moment, I realized, "Oh, these aren't people that are really for me. These are people that have me in their life for their convenience," whatever that convenience is. Like you said, maybe it's the party, maybe it's the popularity, maybe it's, you know, me always being there for them. And when I removed that convenience, I said, "Oh, man." And it was tough, because these were people that, like literally I would almost die for.

   30. MRMel Robbins11:49

       You know, in listening to this story, I'm gonna share something, because I think a lot of you listening will see yourself in Trent, that you are working side by side with a group of people, and I think this happens in a lot of instances...... you're going for division one with dreams of making it to the NFL and being a professional player, and you're the one that breaks out.
6. 12:40 – 15:25

   The first group of people you can’t be friends with.

   1. MRMel Robbins12:40

      Trent's shoes.

   2. TSTrent Shelton12:41

      Yeah.

   3. MRMel Robbins12:41

      Trent, you say there are four types of people you can't be friends with. What's the first one?

   4. TSTrent Shelton12:46

      You can't be friends with the person that wants your life. And as a human, it's natural, I feel like, to have an emotion of jealousy a little bit.

   5. MRMel Robbins12:54

      Mm-hmm.

   6. TSTrent Shelton12:54

      But when jealousy turns into envy, I think that's when it becomes a problem.

   7. MRMel Robbins12:57

      Yes.

   8. TSTrent Shelton12:57

      I always say, "Envy is jealousy unchecked."

   9. MRMel Robbins13:00

      Mm.

   10. TSTrent Shelton13:00

       And so, and I, and I wanna say this too, Mel, you can want somebody's life in a positive way. You can look at that happy marriage and say, "You know what? I want that for myself." You can look at that person succeeding in business, "I want that for myself." But when it becomes toxic, and a problem is when you feel like you deserve the life that they have.

   11. MRMel Robbins13:22

       Yeah.

   12. TSTrent Shelton13:23

       When you don't know what they suffered through, what they've been through, when you don't know how much work that they put in, and you start to feel like their blessings are meant for you. I call it counting people's blessings. It's almost like counting someone's pocket.

   13. MRMel Robbins13:34

       Mm.

   14. TSTrent Shelton13:34

       When you look in somebody's pocket and say, "Oh, I w- I should get the money that they're making."

   15. MRMel Robbins13:37

       Right.

   16. TSTrent Shelton13:38

       But you don't know the sacrifices that they put in. And so what happens is, I've seen this happen in relationships, where you have the friend that... (laughs) I don't know if I should say, but you have the friend that, you know, is trying to put doubts in your mind about your marriage. And they plant seeds of doubt. They plant seeds of, "Oh, you're better for somebody else, or that person isn't good enough for you." And there's times when a divorce happen or a broken relationship happen, and then that person ends up getting with the person that you were married to or that you were in a relationship with. So, there's some people out there that will do anything to ruin your life. And to the people watching this, maybe even teenagers or college athletes or you're in a position at work, be careful, because somebody that wants your life w- what I call trick you out of your position. They will put you in a compromising situation so you get caught up so you can, so they can get your position. So my dad always told me, he said, "Trent, I know this sounds rude, but you only hang around people who have as much to lose as you."

   17. MRMel Robbins14:37

       Hmm.

   18. TSTrent Shelton14:38

       And what he was saying was if you're around a group of friends that aren't the athlete, that aren't successful-

   19. MRMel Robbins14:45

       Yep.

   20. TSTrent Shelton14:45

       ... guess who's gonna be in the paper? Not them, you.

   21. MRMel Robbins14:47

       That's right.

   22. TSTrent Shelton14:48

       And so at a young age, I understood that. But you gotta be careful for those people that really want your life in a negative way.

   23. MRMel Robbins14:56

       Hmm. That's powerful stuff right there, 'cause I don't think we think about that. Like, I'm, I'm the kind of person that goes through life thinking everybody has the best intentions.

   24. TSTrent Shelton15:04

       Sure.

   25. MRMel Robbins15:04

       Even though I know that when I was much younger and I hadn't done the work that I've done, that I was very insecure and I did engage in toxic patterns of behavior, and I wish I hadn't been like that. But I think it's, it's so awesome that you are kinda really diving into this. What are some of the

7. 15:25 – 16:25

   The second type of person you want to avoid.

   1. MRMel Robbins15:25

      other types of people that you really wanna stay away from? What's the second person?

   2. TSTrent Shelton15:30

      You can't be friends with a person that's a terrible person. You know, birds of a feather (laughs) flock together. As much as you wanna say, "No, I'm not like them," or, "I'm not like that," if you hang around it, the perception... And people say, "Oh, perception doesn't matter." It does matter to an extent, because there's some opportunities that won't find you because of what surround you.

   3. MRMel Robbins15:47

      Mm-hmm.

   4. TSTrent Shelton15:48

      They look at your life and they look at what you're around. I've seen this happen in college sports all the time. "Oh, he hangs around those group of kids? He has to be like them." And so there's times in my life where I knew opportunities didn't come to me not because I was a bad person or a bad kid, it's because I was around an environment that scared those opportunities away. I'll say it like this, Mel.

   5. MRMel Robbins16:10

      Say it.

   6. TSTrent Shelton16:12

      Don't be friends with somebody that you wouldn't wanna trade places with, and I would stand on that. Character-wise, mindset-wise, life-wise, if you don't wanna trade places with them,

8. 16:25 – 19:00

   Ask this question when you’re growing and your friends aren’t.

   1. TSTrent Shelton16:25

      why are you around them? Because mindsets are very contagious.

   2. MRMel Robbins16:29

      Well, you know that, that, uh, quote that they say that you are the average of the five-

   3. TSTrent Shelton16:33

      Yeah.

   4. MRMel Robbins16:34

      ... people you hang around with, I actually don't think it's the average. I think the lowest common denominator in that group is what everybody sinks to.

   5. TSTrent Shelton16:40

      That's right.

   6. MRMel Robbins16:41

      And that doesn't mean that you shouldn't be compassionate and supportive of people in your life that are struggling and that are trying to grow through things, but I think what Trent is really trying to get you to realize is that your time and your energy and your peace are the most important commodities that you have. And how you spend your time and energy and who you give it to is an asset, and it is critical that you start to take it more seriously. Are the people that you spend the majority of your time with actually headed in the same direction? Do they have goals? Are they making you think bigger? Or are they gossiping and dragging you down and having small-mind conversations? So, thank you. Tha... How do you know if somebody's terrible? I mean, other than just, like, a gut check, you know what I'm saying?

   7. TSTrent Shelton17:32

      Watch how they treat the people who can't, who, who can't do anything for them. So, I'm always looking at not how you treat me, because especially when you're in a position, they're gonna treat you a certain way.

   8. MRMel Robbins17:42

      Mm-hmm.

   9. TSTrent Shelton17:43

      But I watch how you treat other people that cannot do a thing for you. I watch how you treat other people who have done a lot for you. And so I look at that. So if you're treating other people wrong, no matter how b- how good you treat me, I'm not gonna be around that.

   10. MRMel Robbins17:57

       That's true. Um, I also love what you're saying about, you know, you said this thing about not trading places with somebody, and I wanna make sure that as you're listening, what Trent's talking about is character.

   11. TSTrent Shelton18:08

       That's right.

   12. MRMel Robbins18:09

       That character is where you really need to focus, because that's where you're gonna see the truth about somebody. Trent, I love everything you're saying. I wanna take a quick break so we can hear a word from our sponsors, but don't you dare go anywhere, because Trent is just getting started. And when we come back, he's gonna share the other two type of people that you can't be friends with, and a little bit later, we're gonna get into three steps to better boundaries and what to do when people in your life aren't happy for you. Stay with us. Welcome back. It's your friend Mel Robbins, and you and I are hanging out with Trent Shelton, and holy cow, Trent is giving us a master class on protecting your peace, creating more positive relationships. He says there are four kinds of people that you cannot be friends with. Number one, the person who wants your life. Number two, a terrible person. So Trent, what is the third type of

9. 19:00 – 20:55

   The third type of person that will drag your life down.

   1. MRMel Robbins19:00

      person that you can't be friends with?

   2. TSTrent Shelton19:02

      You can't be friends with a person that gossips. Anybody can smile in your face, anybody can give you compliments, and the best way you identify this, if you're a person that talks about your friends to me, then I know you're talking about me behind my back. So I understand that right now. So some of us, we love to hear gossip. We love to hear things and drama. But understand, if those private conversations that someone has trusted that person with becomes public information, then you know that person is probably talking about you behind your back. You better understand that they're doing the same to you, so be very careful about who you tell your business to, especially when you know this person runs their mouth. I always say, "I trust people for who they are." The problem is, we trust people for who we want them to be.

   3. MRMel Robbins19:53

      Mm-hmm.

   4. TSTrent Shelton19:54

      So if you're a gossiper, I trust you to be a gossiper. So I can't get mad if I give you some private stuff and you tell everybody, I know who you are. If you're a liar, I expect you to lie, and it's okay. So you have to understand if somebody's bringing negativity about other people that you know that they care about, then what do you think they're doing behind your back?

   5. MRMel Robbins20:15

      Exactly the same thing. You know, I, Trent, one of the things I love about our friendship is that you have such a huge heart and a big mind, and the thing that you need to know about Trent is the man never talks about other people.

   6. TSTrent Shelton20:33

      Mm-mm.

   7. MRMel Robbins20:33

      He is always talking about ideas, he's talking about his family, he is talking about business, he is talking about dreams, he is talking about the impact, and one thing that I really value in a friendship is somebody that does talk about ideas and their family rather than talking about other people.

   8. TSTrent Shelton20:52

      Yeah.

   9. MRMel Robbins20:52

      And you do that through and through and through.

10. 20:55 – 24:30

    This fourth type of person requires a deeper level of consideration.

    1. MRMel Robbins20:55

       And what's the fourth person?

    2. TSTrent Shelton20:56

       You can't be friends with a person that's friends with your enemies.

    3. MRMel Robbins21:00

       But how do you know who your enemies are?

    4. TSTrent Shelton21:01

       (laughs)

    5. MRMel Robbins21:03

       Seriously, 'cause they're usually like sneaky and crafty, dude.

    6. TSTrent Shelton21:06

       Yeah, so this one's deep. There's obviously obvious enemies-

    7. MRMel Robbins21:13

       Okay.

    8. TSTrent Shelton21:13

       ... that you know, and honestly, I respect those.

    9. MRMel Robbins21:16

       (laughs)

    10. TSTrent Shelton21:16

        I respect the people who I know don't like me. I do. I respect it. I respect people online that say, "Trent, I hate your guts." I respect it, because at least I know where you stand. Now, when it comes to the frenemies, this seems very earthy to say, as I would say, but you have to trust their energy. When you give something you're excited about, trust their energy. Are they excited? Do they change the conversation and make it about them? Do they put more doubts in your life? Do they put more fears in your life? Do you get information that they're talking about you behind your back?

    11. MRMel Robbins21:52

        Hmm.

    12. TSTrent Shelton21:53

        Like, they're silent enemies, and sometimes it's the people that you love the most that sometimes you can trust the least. Sometimes it's your best friend that doesn't want the best for you. And so again, if you always have to question this, like, "Why don't they ever show up for me?" I told a friend this. I said, she always said, "I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you." I said, "I, I appreciate that, but if you're proud of me, why don't you ever take the time out to support me?" Because I like the words I'm proud, but at some point there should be actions.

    13. MRMel Robbins22:26

        Hmm.

    14. TSTrent Shelton22:27

        I'm having events for free. You're in the city. Have you ever listened to the book or the podcast? You ever like the post? So if you're that proud of me, like you say, it would show in some form or fashion. Not saying you have to be my biggest cheerleader, but if you're that proud of me, you would take the time out to support me. So look around, because sometimes your greatest support system doesn't come from familiar faces, and it's okay. Sometimes, as I say, God will place strangers in your life to take you to higher places, and I had to realize that. And so with these enemies, the obvious ones are the things that do all these things behind your back-

    15. MRMel Robbins23:04

        Mm-hmm.

    16. TSTrent Shelton23:05

        ... but it's the ones that you feel their energy that, and discernment, that just something isn't right.

    17. MRMel Robbins23:11

        Yeah. I, um, think you tend to notice that in periods where you're changing-

    18. TSTrent Shelton23:17

        Yeah.

    19. MRMel Robbins23:17

        ... and growing, because whatever it is that you're changing and growing and doing in this next chapter of your life, the person knows they're not going with you, and it's confronting to them.

    20. TSTrent Shelton23:28

        That's right.

    21. MRMel Robbins23:28

        Like I, I've had very similar experiences where, mm, you know, people I would have called friends, no congratulations on anything, never read a book, never listened to anything, and it's sort of one of those things where you almost dismiss it, like, "But it's okay," but, but if you really think about it, you want the kind of people around you that are celebrating with you and also crying with you. And one of the things that I'm thinking a lot about as you're talking, Trent, is that this idea that oftentimes it's not the familiar faces that are your loudest supporters, that it's people that you are new friends with or complete strangers, and, uh, you know, you gotta remember-Every one of your best friends began as a stranger.

    22. TSTrent Shelton24:21

        That's right.

    23. MRMel Robbins24:21

        The person that you're dating and married to began as a stranger. And I think a lot about this test. I wonder if you use this test.

11. 24:30 – 28:10

    Mel admits a big truth about her circle of friends.

    1. MRMel Robbins24:32

       It's easy for me to share what's going wrong with people, but I am highly selective about who I share wins with.

    2. TSTrent Shelton24:42

       Mm-hmm.

    3. MRMel Robbins24:43

       And it's made me realize that my circle of people that I truly trust is so small because there aren't a lot of people that I feel comfortable, like, calling and being like, "Oh my gosh, this is going on," or, "That's going on." I mean, certainly our friend group that we text in-

    4. TSTrent Shelton25:04

       Absolutely.

    5. MRMel Robbins25:04

       ... because we're all kind of doing the same thing and we're really supportive of one another, but aside from my family, I don't tell a lot of people about the wins, and I think that's kind of sad. And I don't know if, if I really have to dig deep, I think it's because I'm afraid that if I'm celebrating myself, people are going to judge me as arrogant or, you know, do the old eye roll, that kind of thing. Do you ever worry about that?

    6. TSTrent Shelton25:29

       1000%. I'm afraid at times it makes people uncomfortable.

    7. MRMel Robbins25:34

       Hmm.

    8. TSTrent Shelton25:35

       And it changes someone's viewpoint of who, who you may be. But I do know not celebrating your wins almost becomes a burden. And I had that happen with me so much. I would keep my, my wins, my victories, my celebrations silent, and I would become very deflective and change the subject. "Oh, it's all right. Yeah, I sold, you know, 100,000 books or whatever. Oh, and, okay, whatever." And I wasn't appreciating it, and what you don't appreciate, I don't think it will duplicate, I don't think it will grow.

    9. MRMel Robbins26:07

       Hmm.

    10. TSTrent Shelton26:07

        You start to feel... 'Cause I would say just in a prison in what you're doing. And like you said, that should tell you a lot about who you're around if you can't talk about your wins. Like my best friend, I can talk about any win, and he's happy. He's hitting me up before I even know certain things.

    11. MRMel Robbins26:24

        (laughs)

    12. TSTrent Shelton26:24

        You know what I mean? And that's the type of people that you want to be around in your life, and when it comes to circle, the truth is, like, I wish that everybody can have this huge circle. But I do know this is true, and maybe you can relate, when my circle got smaller, my vision got clearer.

    13. MRMel Robbins26:39

        Hmm.

    14. TSTrent Shelton26:40

        Less became more. Jay-Z says it best in one of his songs. He said, "You know, there's not many of us." And he said, "But still, there's plenty of us," because sometimes, it's the bigger the circle, the more drama and the more confusion, the more gossip. But as you tend to shrink down, you create this energy. You create this congruency. You create these like mindsets, and I believe like mindsets are more powerful than anything. You know, loyalty... Strength, I don't believe is shown in numbers. Strength is shown in loyalty. You can have a million people, but if you have 10, 20 loyal people, shh, that's all the strength that you need. So don't, you know, be afraid that, "Oh, I don't have a lot of people." It's okay, because you can always grow, but I know that's changed my life when I trimmed the fat, and I-

    15. MRMel Robbins27:32

        (laughs) Trimmed the fat.

    16. TSTrent Shelton27:33

        Yeah. (laughs)

    17. MRMel Robbins27:33

        Listen to you.

    18. TSTrent Shelton27:34

        When I trimmed the fat in, I created more muscle, you know, by making my circle smaller, not because I wanted to, not because I want to isolate, and everybody's bad. That's not my message, but it's like, I want congruency, and if I have two, three, 20, 30, as long as there's congruency, we can make a powerful impact and a powerful change.

    19. MRMel Robbins27:52

        There's so many incredible things that you are saying, and so just thank you for not only going deep but talking about how your life has changed by thinking about a smaller circle that's aligned energy

12. 28:10 – 30:35

    If you’re in your 20’s, listen to this.

    1. MRMel Robbins28:10

       and mindset and vision-wise. And for those of you that are listening, particularly in your 20s-

    2. TSTrent Shelton28:16

       Yeah.

    3. MRMel Robbins28:17

       ... you know, you're f- gonna be 40.

    4. TSTrent Shelton28:19

       (laughs)

    5. MRMel Robbins28:19

       I'm 55. I'm like, "I can't believe I'm that old." (laughs)

    6. TSTrent Shelton28:23

       (laughs)

    7. MRMel Robbins28:23

       I cannot believe that I am double nickles, dude. But I think this is something that you learn with age-

    8. TSTrent Shelton28:30

       Yes.

    9. MRMel Robbins28:30

       ... that in your 20s and in college, everybody, like, roams in packs and big groups, and as you start to get a little bit older, you start to see and experience the wisdom in what Trent is saying-

    10. TSTrent Shelton28:44

        Yeah.

    11. MRMel Robbins28:44

        ... and that there is so much power in finding a smaller group of people that, in this chapter of your life, are vibing at the same energy and that are aligned in terms of vision and mindset. And, you know, I wanted to just share a little bit because I bet you have some wisdom on this, too, to really pull apart reasons why people that are closest to you may struggle with being happier for you.

    12. TSTrent Shelton29:13

        Hmm.

    13. MRMel Robbins29:14

        And being somebody that ex- that can admit that I was that person. I really struggled with envy. I really struggled with jealousy. I had a very, um, scarce mindset, Trent, particularly when Chris and I were struggling financially so much, and I didn't... I, I felt like none of my friends were struggling. I was, like, the only one that was really going through it and hiding it, and my mindset became so fricking small. Like, their success is somehow robbing me of my success.

    14. TSTrent Shelton29:47

        Yeah.

    15. MRMel Robbins29:47

        That their happiness or their good relationship, I n- I couldn't see it in that darkness as an example that it was possible for me, and, you know, I want to dive a little bit deeper into why people that love you can really struggle with supporting you, and, you know, one of the things that I know for me personally is I wasn't happy. I was having a very hard time, and I didn't know what to do, and it became easier to put my attention... and negativity, like, kind of at somebody else, and aim it at them instead of turning it back inward at myself and saying, "All right, you're in this mess. What are you gonna do about it, Mel?" Have you ever been in that position in your life?

    16. TSTrent Shelton30:34

        I'll say this

13. 30:35 – 32:40

    Trent reveals what he did when his mindset was at its lowest.

    1. TSTrent Shelton30:35

       off the top. In my life, when I got cut from the NFL, that was the lowest.

    2. MRMel Robbins30:40

       Okay.

    3. TSTrent Shelton30:40

       Like, I was a hater at that point in my life. Like, I didn't wanna see anybody win. It was everybody else's fault. It was my parents' fault for not making me fast enough, right? (laughs)

    4. MRMel Robbins30:48

       (laughs)

    5. TSTrent Shelton30:48

       It's everybody's fault. I was finding every reason to justify that I just wasn't good enough at the time, or there was something more for my life. I didn't realize that. But the thing that I would say, for a lot of people, is that sometimes we think the best way to heal our pain is to give pain.

    6. MRMel Robbins31:07

       Hmm.

    7. TSTrent Shelton31:08

       And for me, if I can make people feel like I feel, then I'm not lonely no more. Misery loves company. So your happiness, it offends me, because I'm not happy, because I feel I deserve that life. So when I was at home and watching Peyton Manning or all these guys on TV, I'm like, "Oh, Peyton Manning's not that good. Oh, he's not, he's not, uh..." Nah, the, the, the receivers aren't that good," because I wasn't happy. And this is funny, but it's true. Like, have you ever met a happy hater?

    8. MRMel Robbins31:37

       No.

    9. TSTrent Shelton31:37

       You haven't.

    10. MRMel Robbins31:38

        You don't have time for it.

    11. TSTrent Shelton31:39

        You don't have time for it. And so, that was my issue, that I was not happy, I lost something that I truly cared about, I felt like my life was over, and so what do I do now? Hmm. I'll just bring other people down to join my misery. And so I had to look in the mirror and say, "Listen, this is not getting you nowhere. Deflecting and living life like this, it's everybody's fault, is gonna keep you in the same place." So, the words, "It all starts with you," that's where it came from. I said, "Trent, your change starts with you. Point the thumb at yourself, accept and change. This is over. Okay, let's create something new. Don't turn into a person that you're not." Because oftentimes when we get hurt-

    12. MRMel Robbins32:18

        Mm-hmm.

    13. TSTrent Shelton32:19

        ... we turn into the hurt that something or someone else gave us. And I had to heal from that. And so yeah, I would think number one is they, they aren't happy with their own life, and I think it starts there. If you're not happy with your own life, how could you ever be happy for someone else? You can't give what's not inside you to give.

    14. MRMel Robbins32:38

        It's so true.

14. 32:40 – 35:35

    The words you need to hear when you don’t feel your purpose.

    1. MRMel Robbins32:40

       What turned it around for you? 'Cause you're literally, like, the most positive dude I know.

    2. TSTrent Shelton32:45

       (laughs)

    3. MRMel Robbins32:45

       I mean, everybody's hanging on every word. 15 million people a day, Trent.

    4. TSTrent Shelton32:51

       Y'all catch me in my good, y'all catch me in my good moments, but, um-

    5. MRMel Robbins32:53

       Abuse, stop, pass it on.

    6. TSTrent Shelton32:55

       (laughs)

    7. MRMel Robbins32:55

       Pass it on.

    8. TSTrent Shelton32:55

       (laughs)

    9. MRMel Robbins32:55

       If you need to hear this, pass it on. Trent.

    10. TSTrent Shelton32:58

        What changed my life was my son, Tristan. Because I knew... That was the first moment of my life where I felt a responsibility. And listeners, you might not have a kid or you might not have, you know, somebody directly that you say, "Oh, this person is gonna follow me," but you're a leader. You are a leader. You're leading somebody somewhere at some time to some place, and the question is, where are you leading them to? And so for me, when I looked at my life, I said, "I don't want Tristan to follow this path. I don't want him to see his daddy as this person." So I said, "If I can't change for me, let me change for him." So that took me looking in the mirror and facing some truths and making some changes about my life, some things that I didn't wanna change, some things that I didn't wanna, uh, bring back up, some conversation that I didn't wanna have, but I loved my son more than I love myself at that time. I still love him, but I love myself a lot too. But I wanted to give him a better life, and it started with me facing the truth, because you know, I'm a future thinker guy, and I always think about the future Trent. What would the future Trent... Now I put this on you. What would the future you tell you? And that future you is the greatest you. And the future Trent told me, "If you keep living this life, you're gonna get to 80, 90, 70 with regret, and you're gonna look back and wish that you would've made the changes that you know you needed to make." And so that always scares me. If I'm fearful of anything, it's that, because that produces regret and I believe regret is the greatest poison to a soul. So that was, that's what made me wanna change was my son, something bigger than me.

    11. MRMel Robbins34:34

        If somebody doesn't have a person that comes to mind-

    12. TSTrent Shelton34:38

        Yeah.

    13. MRMel Robbins34:39

        ... how would you coach somebody to take that wisdom around regret and apply it to themselves right now? Somebody who's, you know, 22, graduated from college, or maybe didn't go to college and is like, "I, I don't even know what to do with my life." Like, how do you harness the future you to come into this moment and give you a Trent Shelton, like-

    14. TSTrent Shelton35:06

        Yeah.

    15. MRMel Robbins35:06

        ... pep talk?

    16. TSTrent Shelton35:07

        Yeah, I would tell you that you're gonna meet a version of yourself in the future. Whether that future's a year from now, 10 years from now, you're gonna meet a version, and that version depends on the choices that you make. Do you wanna meet a version that's even more sad or more depressed or more miserable than you are right now? Because if you don't change anything, that's what's gonna happen. And I'll even take it this far. Do you wanna die unhappy? Do you wanna die miserable? And for myself, I'd say no.

15. 35:35 – 37:25

    How do you pull yourself out of your funk?

    1. TSTrent Shelton35:35

       And so you have to be able to take the change and make the choice to change right now. And it might not... You, you might not have it all figured out. That's okay. Start with something small. For me, it was Rehab Time, and Rehab Time wasn't me being a speaker, it wasn't a million followers, it was me going to the gym, because I could control that. It was me picking up a personal development book because Lil Wayne was my only d- development book at that time.

    2. MRMel Robbins35:58

       (laughs)

    3. TSTrent Shelton35:58

       It was me reading a book and saying, "Let me try reading this book." So it was me opening my life up to new possibilities. So if you don't like your life right now, you gotta change your environment. You gotta get around better, do better, listen to things, do things that you haven't done before, and start there, because the future you is coming. So if you wanna prevent regret, go all out right now and seek the better that you know you deserve.

    4. MRMel Robbins36:22

       The future you is coming-

    5. TSTrent Shelton36:23

       For sure.

    6. MRMel Robbins36:23

       ... whether you like it or not.

    7. TSTrent Shelton36:24

       It's coming.

    8. MRMel Robbins36:25

       And...If you're listening to this, here's what I know about you. You actually do want to be better, because you're listening to something and you're spending time with me and Trent because you know that Trent has figured something out and I have figured something out. And what we've figured out is that you are responsible for what happens next. And we're gonna take a quick break so you can hear a word from our sponsors, 'cause they allow me to bring you incredible wisdom and inspiration from people like Trent at zero cost, so take a listen. Trent and I are gonna be waiting for you right after a short break. Don't go anywhere. Welcome back. It's your friend, Mel Robbins. I'm here with Trent Shelton. You and I are learning how to protect our peace. And Trent, do you have advice for someone who's starting to recognize that there is a lot of negativity around them? As somebody's listening to this and they're like, "Oh my God, I got a bunch of, like, people around

16. 37:25 – 40:45

    Step #1 when you realize your friends are not for you.

    1. MRMel Robbins37:25

       me that aren't supporting me," what are some of the first couple things that you would coach somebody to do?

    2. TSTrent Shelton37:31

       I would tell you first... unclear communication puts unfair expectations on somebody.

    3. MRMel Robbins37:40

       What does that mean?

    4. TSTrent Shelton37:41

       That means that some of you are expecting a change from somebody without communicating it. You're expecting somebody to be something for your life, but you haven't communicated it. Somebody might be disrespecting your boundaries, but you haven't communicated it. So you have to mature in that area and have those uncomfortable hard conversations. So for me, I send the invitation. I have the conversations.

    5. MRMel Robbins38:01

       What does that mean? You send an invitation that said what?

    6. TSTrent Shelton38:04

       So the first thing I did, I called, I sent out the invitation. I sent it out, sent it out to my friends, sent it out to the people that were kind of on the edge of my life, and I said, "This is what I'm doing with my life." It's kind of like when you have a birthday party.

    7. MRMel Robbins38:16

       Right.

    8. TSTrent Shelton38:16

       You send the invitations, you can't control if somebody comes or not. If they don't show up, don't complain about that I moved on or I had, we had fun and you didn't show up. This is what I'm doing with my life. I'm no longer living like this. I'm no longer doing this. I'm no longer living this lifestyle. I'm retiring from being a rapper. I'm no longer living this in, in, in this environment because I got a kid.

    9. MRMel Robbins38:35

       Yep.

    10. TSTrent Shelton38:35

        Because I got something big that I'm fighting for and I'm growing towards, and every level of my career I do this, because there's all... I just had a conversation two weeks ago. This is where I'm going, and I refuse to... (sighs) I think this is the issue, Mel, that a lot of us feel like we're leaving people behind, and a lot of us feel guilty about that, and that was me for so long until I realized, no, I sent the invitation out. I let you know where I'm going. I didn't leave you behind. You chose to stay behind. So I understand in that moment, so I would tell you, have the conversation. Tell people, "This is what I need from you. It's okay. This is what I want from you. This is what I'm willing to give you," 'cause it's not always about them, it's about you too. It's reciprocation. "This is where I'm going because this is what I want to do with my life, and I refuse to get to the future me and live in regret." And so-

    11. MRMel Robbins39:24

        Hmm.

    12. TSTrent Shelton39:24

        ... if they don't accept the invitation and come to your party of growth, then that's on them, and then you know where they stand in your life. But they can never say, "Oh, you didn't let me know. I didn't know what was going on." You clearly communicate what you expect from them. It's up to them if they want to live up to that title or not.

    13. MRMel Robbins39:41

        I love that. I c- I keep... I love the focus on, "I'm not gonna live in regret."

    14. TSTrent Shelton39:45

        No.

    15. MRMel Robbins39:45

        "I'm gonna grow into my fullest possibility." There was a moment where you were about to sound off and you paused.

    16. TSTrent Shelton39:51

        Yeah. (laughs)

    17. MRMel Robbins39:53

        What was that about?

    18. TSTrent Shelton39:54

        (laughs) I don't know. I, it, maybe it was just my... I don't, I don't know exactly what I was gonna say in that moment, to be honest. Maybe it was-

    19. MRMel Robbins40:00

        You were, like, talking about two weeks ago. You were like, "I'm going somewhere."

    20. TSTrent Shelton40:03

        Oh. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

    21. MRMel Robbins40:03

        "And I was about to..." Mm.

    22. TSTrent Shelton40:05

        Well, I was about to put some information out there probably from two weeks ago that, you know, I want to protect the conversation.

    23. MRMel Robbins40:10

        I, I respect that.

    24. TSTrent Shelton40:11

        You know?

    25. MRMel Robbins40:11

        See, there you are actually proving that you don't talk out of school.

    26. TSTrent Shelton40:16

        Nah.

    27. MRMel Robbins40:17

        There you are proving your character. First of all, your ability to stop yourself, and your ability to say with class that, "I'm just not gonna talk about that."

    28. TSTrent Shelton40:28

        That's right.

    29. MRMel Robbins40:28

        "That's a boundary for me."

    30. TSTrent Shelton40:29

        That's right.
17. 40:45 – 42:25

    What to do when a friend didn’t support you when you needed it.

    1. MRMel Robbins40:45

       where you stood by somebody, but when you needed them, the favor was not returned?

    2. TSTrent Shelton40:55

       Some deep questions. So, I'll start by saying this. I do believe that we are put on this Earth to be used in a way of helping people, in a way of growing people, in a way of certain times being there for people.

    3. MRMel Robbins41:14

       Hmm.

    4. TSTrent Shelton41:15

       But I don't believe we are put on this Earth to be misused, and so when it gets to a place in my life where I feel misused, I have a good heart, and I'm not saying that for brownie points, but I need to take my own advice. I give more chances than I probably should give, but at the end of the day, I made this decision because when you have this decision, I don't know, to cut people off, you want to use that word, oftentime you're viewed as cold-hearted.

    5. MRMel Robbins41:42

       Right.

    6. TSTrent Shelton41:43

       And so I made a decision in my life, Mel, that says, "You know what? That's fine." If people want to call me cold-hearted, I would rather be viewed as cold-hearted than live broken-hearted. And I'm not gonna break my heart continuing to be misused time and time again. So again, I have the conversation. I let them know how I feel.

    7. MRMel Robbins42:02

       Hmm.

    8. TSTrent Shelton42:03

       I present the facts, and even, not even feelings, because I always believe facts over feelings. So feelings to the side. Let's leave feelings out this conversation. What's the facts? What's the facts of being a good friend? What's the, what's the facts of being a support system, universally? Let's allow the facts to decide this, and if the facts say, "No, no, no, no, no," I always tell people, "I don't say no to you, my principles do, my facts

18. 42:25 – 44:00

    What to remember when it’s time to say no.

    1. TSTrent Shelton42:25

       do." I'm loyal to my principles, not to people. When I say that, people are like-...I'm loyal to my principles. 'Cause if I'm loyal to people, I will say yes when I wanna say no. I will say sure when I definitely don't wanna do it. I will take on more from a person than I know I'm supposed to take on. So, I tell people it's my principles. The way my principles are set up, I can't do this, I can't give this, because I know if I ignore this, I know where that's gonna lead myself. And so, I look at my principles and allow my principles to make the decisions for me.

    2. MRMel Robbins42:57

       Okay. My next question, every one of us wants to know the answer to. How the heck do you develop rock solid principles that are aligned with you? Because what you just said, I think, is the secret to creating the life that is meant for you-

    3. TSTrent Shelton43:19

       Yeah.

    4. MRMel Robbins43:19

       ...and aligning that life with what you value and with, really, what matters to you. And this notion that you're loyal to your principles, not loyal to people, 'cause I hear exactly what you're saying. I mean, especially those of us that are parents.

    5. TSTrent Shelton43:35

       Right. (laughs)

    6. MRMel Robbins43:35

       We use that, "Come on now."

    7. TSTrent Shelton43:38

       (laughs)

    8. MRMel Robbins43:38

       "After all I've done for you," right? With our children.

    9. TSTrent Shelton43:41

       (laughs)

    10. MRMel Robbins43:41

        "All right, mom, all right, dad."

    11. TSTrent Shelton43:43

        (laughs)

    12. MRMel Robbins43:43

        See, he's laughing 'cause he knows. He knows.

    13. TSTrent Shelton43:46

        I am. (laughs)

    14. MRMel Robbins43:48

        Um, but how do you develop principles that you can become loyal to, Trent?

    15. TSTrent Shelton43:55

        Yeah. I think the first thing that you have to do is, like, know what

19. 44:00 – 50:20

    How do you develop rock solid principles?

    1. TSTrent Shelton44:00

       you want in your life. Mm, d- just by yourself, what do you want in your life? What do you want to feel? What do you want to experience? What does your greatest self look like? And you develop your principles around that. What do you want to give, right? What standards do you want to stand on? What values do you want to have? And that's different for everybody. So one of mine is peace. That is numero, numero one in my life is, I prioritize my peace. And so, for me, if I know no matter how great the opportunity is, no matter how, how much I'm missing out on, if my peace says no, then I'm not gonna do it. So, I would tell you, like, what are the things in your life that you need that you know will be the GPS and the roadmap to lead you to a greater self? Not just externally, but internally. So, what do you wanna feel? For some people, you know, it might be, you know, uh, just honesty. For some people it might be, you know, "I wanna be a person of integrity." Whatever it may be. "I wanna be happy." Whatever it is, you have those as your principles. And you talk to your principles, and have a conversation with your principle and say, "Do I need to do this? My peace says no," or, "my peace says yes. It's all right." And it's hard, but every time I've ignored my principles, every single time, I regretted it. Every time. And every time that I didn't ignore my principles, and I stood on my principles, it didn't make sense at first. Sometimes, I immediately regret, like, "Dang, I'm missing out."

    2. MRMel Robbins45:26

       Right.

    3. TSTrent Shelton45:27

       But down the line, I'm saying, "I'm glad that I chose to stand on my principles." So, what do you need in your life? And start there. Write down a list, maybe of five things, three things that you want in your life right now, you want to experience, and say, "These are my guiding forces to me living my most peaceful and fulfilled life."

    4. MRMel Robbins45:44

       You know, one thing I wanna acknowledge you for is that we were going to do this interview a couple months ago.

    5. TSTrent Shelton45:50

       Mm-hmm.

    6. MRMel Robbins45:51

       And I gotta give you a huge shout-out because Trent texted me, um, that week and was like, "Mel, Tristan, your son-"

    7. TSTrent Shelton46:00

       Yeah.

    8. MRMel Robbins46:00

       "...had this opening football game. I am not gonna miss it." And being a parent who also has a guiding principle that I do not wanna miss out on the important things with my kids, I'm like, "Absolutely. Absolutely."

    9. TSTrent Shelton46:15

       Yeah.

    10. MRMel Robbins46:15

        "In fact, I think it's so freaking amazing that that is what you would prioritize." And I'm calling that out because it's easy to let your emotions take over-

    11. TSTrent Shelton46:29

        Yeah.

    12. MRMel Robbins46:29

        ...and to miss out on aligning your life with what actually matters to you. And this is a point that if this is the only thing that you take away from this conversation, which, if you're listening, that would be impossible, given how much wisdom you are sharing with us, Trent. If the only thing that you took away is, "I gotta figure out what I want and what I value, and come up with a set of principles that are my guiding force right now," if you just took that away, that would change your entire life. Full stop, right now. And I even see the value in that because, you know, in what you and I do for a living, it's very public, and there are a lot of friends of ours that also have really big careers, and it's very easy to get caught up in, "What's Trent doing? What's that doing? What do we do? Da-da-da." But when you understand your guiding principles, you can reel back your own emotions, and you can step back into both making decisions for yourself, and I also think this ties back to you being actually a very good supportive friend. Because when you're in your power and you are making decisions based on your principles, you're not letting those emotions rise up and have you engage in behavior that you might later regret. Very cool.

    13. TSTrent Shelton47:51

        Yeah, I like to say I'm loyal to my peace, Mel.

    14. MRMel Robbins47:53

        Loyal to your peace?

    15. TSTrent Shelton47:55

        Peace.

    16. MRMel Robbins47:55

        Peace? What does that mean?

    17. TSTrent Shelton47:57

        Yeah. Um, you're a runner, right?

    18. MRMel Robbins47:59

        I used to be.

    19. TSTrent Shelton48:00

        Okay, so you know what a pacesetter is, right?

    20. MRMel Robbins48:02

        Yes, yes.

    21. TSTrent Shelton48:02

        In a race?

    22. MRMel Robbins48:02

        It's very bad.

    23. TSTrent Shelton48:03

        Right?

    24. MRMel Robbins48:03

        Like, I'm, I'm very slow, Trent.

    25. TSTrent Shelton48:05

        (laughs)

    26. MRMel Robbins48:06

        I, I'm actually famous for, I ran the New York City Marathon, which a bun- with, with a bunch of girlfriends, and then we went and ran the h- one in Houston. And we were just doing it to kind of get away from our spouses 'cause we could disappear to travel.

    27. TSTrent Shelton48:19

        Yeah. (laughs)

    28. MRMel Robbins48:19

        So, I'm talking by the time I dragged myself across that finish line was like six hours. I'm very infamous for being in the middle of one race and going, "You know what?"... I need a coffee, and pulling off the race and running into a Starbucks-

    29. TSTrent Shelton48:33

        (laughs) A star-

    30. MRMel Robbins48:34

        ... (laughs) and ordering an iced coffee, using the clean bathroom. You know, it cost me 20 minutes, but I don't care.
20. 50:20 – 53:15

    What does it mean to be loyal to your ‘pace’?

    1. TSTrent Shelton50:20

       in my journey, and I've gotten, I've gotten out of pace before, but for the majority of my journey these last 15 years, I've always had my own pace and been unapologetic about it. So I can say no to the big opportunity, I can say yes to the small opportunity because I understand what I need to run an efficient race in this life, in my business. So I would tell you and ask you, what's setting the pace? Is it your confidence? If confidence is setting the pace, it's like, okay, they're doing that, great for them, but I'm confident in myself that I will get to my finish line when I need to get there. So, that's something I wanted to share because it's something that's really changed my life and my journey and me being consistent, you know, these last 15 years.

    2. MRMel Robbins51:02

       The thing that you have to have that I think is really hard for people, to truly coach yourself in that regard, like, "I'm gonna stick to my pace," is trust.

    3. TSTrent Shelton51:13

       There you go. That's it.

    4. MRMel Robbins51:14

       How do you manufacture that? And I'm thinking about it in the context of one of our daughters who, um, graduated from college, started in the corporate world, then left that job after 18 months, and is trying to figure out what's next. And what I see in her is a lack of trust that she's gonna figure it out.

    5. TSTrent Shelton51:39

       Yeah.

    6. MRMel Robbins51:40

       And I think this is a very common thing, whether you've just gotten a divorce or you've been laid off or maybe you started a career and you now, oh my god, don't know what you wanna do 'cause it's definitely not this thing, that you can start to panic and not trust the process. So, what coaching do you have for anybody that's in this moment in their life where it feels either like the pace is way too slow or they don't have a sense if they're going in the right direction, and that kind of thing that is now driving is panic and distrust? How do you get back into trusting your life-

    7. TSTrent Shelton52:15

       Yeah.

    8. MRMel Robbins52:15

       ... and yourself?

    9. TSTrent Shelton52:16

       So for me, and I would tell the person listening to this, like, you have to, and I'm gonna break this down, you have to trust even when you don't understand, even when it doesn't make sense, even when everything is going disarray. As an athlete, I have to trust that even if I'm losing the game by 10 points, I have to trust my training, I have to trust the work that I put in, that, uh, we're gonna make a comeback. And it's the same thing in life. Like, you might be down on the scoreboard of life. The beautiful thing about life is that you have a lot of opportunity, God willing, to always come back in your life. And so, a lot of people, Mel, that I feel, and I've been guilty of this too, we trust external alignment. And what that means is that if everything around me is lining up, then this must be meant for my life. We're on the right path. And I can say directly opposite at times, where everything outside is lining up, I'm like, "This ain't it."

    10. MRMel Robbins53:03

        (laughs)

    11. TSTrent Shelton53:04

        And then the opposite has happened where things aren't lining up, but I trusted my internal alignment.

    12. MRMel Robbins53:10

        But how do you... So like for somebody who's like, "Trent, I want that so bad, Trent."

21. 53:15 – 59:00

    How do you trust yourself and the process when it’s not working?

    1. MRMel Robbins53:15

    2. TSTrent Shelton53:15

       Yeah.

    3. MRMel Robbins53:15

       "How do I do that, Trent?"

    4. TSTrent Shelton53:16

       Yeah.

    5. MRMel Robbins53:16

       Like, how do I... if I'm feeling like I'm spinning out of control and I've made all these bad decisions or I don't know how t- ... How do you even begin that process of internal alignment and trusting?

    6. TSTrent Shelton53:27

       Yeah. Well, number one, you have to let go of comparison. You have to disconnect-

    7. MRMel Robbins53:30

       (exhales sharply) So hard, dude.

    8. TSTrent Shelton53:31

       ... from comparison. And it's hard-

    9. MRMel Robbins53:32

       Yeah.

    10. TSTrent Shelton53:33

        ... because comparison... And this is my heart speaking right now, so if it doesn't make sense, excuse me, but you are enough. And I know that's easier said than done, I know it sounds like some motivational stuff, but you have to really understand that, and trust and believe by proving it to yourself. Who are you trying to prove it to? Are you trying to prove it to Mommy, Daddy, social media? Are you trying to prove it to your friends? Are you proving it to yourself by doing that internal work to say, "You know what? There's an internal alignment." And it's hard for me to explain. There's a internal knowing. For me, I believe belief is the strongest thing that we can have. When you start believing in what you do, you're not tripping because you know at some point the door will open. And I believe faith is this, Mel. Believing a door will open for your life that doesn't even exist yet. And I wanna be careful 'cause I'm not telling the people, telling people to be unorganized, but I stopped trusting my plan so much. I trusted my plan that I would have to adjust at some point. I trusted my first steps, and if my first steps-... didn't go right, I trusted there was something bigger for my life. So that's the internal alignment-

    11. MRMel Robbins54:34

        Hmm.

    12. TSTrent Shelton54:34

        ... that I talk about. It's a knowing in your soul that a lot of us ignore because a lot of us are afraid. A lot of us is like, "I hear you Trent, but my bills need to be paid. I hear you Trent, but nobody's following me online. I hear you Trent, and I started the podcast and nobody's listening." And then we don't, we, we, we go to external alignment. We start-

    13. MRMel Robbins54:51

        Right.

    14. TSTrent Shelton54:52

        ... trusting that, and we move away from that calling, that gift in our soul. So I've always, and it's hard for me to explain, but I've always trusted the thing inside of here, no matter how it looked on the outside. It always opened up a door for me.

    15. MRMel Robbins55:08

        Well, the piece that I think you could cling onto if you're in that spot in your life right now, is trusting that there is something bigger that's meant for your life. And one of the ways that I was able to grab onto that for myself when I was in the just pit of despair and lack of hope, is the simple act of getting yourself out of bed-

    16. TSTrent Shelton55:38

        Mm-hmm.

    17. MRMel Robbins55:38

        ... on those mornings where you're wallowing in a lack of trust, and feeling like nothing is working out. Why? Because as Trent has just told you, you're looking around at everybody else. When you get out of bed on those mornings when you don't want to, that is proof that you believe there is something bigger meant for your life. When you force yourself to eat something that is fuel for your body instead of more crap processed stuff that just makes you numb out, the choice to do something good for yourself is proof that you trust something bigger for your life. When you go to the gym when you don't want to, that is proof. So for me, all of those little actions every day, even when I don't even know where it's leading, even when I didn't have a sense of direction, they are small acts of defiance in the face of feeling stuck or hopeless. And that little rhythm that you can create of, well, I'm still getting out of bed, and I'm still going to the gym, and I'm still going to, you know, keep writing this memoir. I'm gonna work on this business plan, or I'm gonna take this online course even though I don't know where it's leading. That action for me has always helped me say, because I think something bigger is meant for me, and if I sit here and I wallow in it, or if I lay in bed and I stare at the ceiling and I hit the snooze button again, I am proving to myself that I don't believe that there's something bigger. And that may feel like it couldn't possibly help when you are lost, but I think both Trent and I believe the same thing, which is that small little momentum that you can create-

    18. TSTrent Shelton57:20

        Mm-hmm.

    19. MRMel Robbins57:21

        ... is what breaks through the darkness and the lack of hope.

    20. TSTrent Shelton57:25

        I call that soul momentum.

    21. MRMel Robbins57:27

        Soul momentum?

    22. TSTrent Shelton57:27

        Yeah.

    23. MRMel Robbins57:27

        Ooh, that's a good term.

    24. TSTrent Shelton57:28

        Soul momentum, 'cause momentum as an athlete, I know how powerful momentum is. It's the invisible force that changes everything, and I fall in love with possibility. What you're just saying is the possibility of something better. And if you-

    25. MRMel Robbins57:42

        Mm-hmm.

    26. TSTrent Shelton57:42

        ... fall in love with that, eventually I, I believe you will meet the better that's waiting for you. But most people, again, we look at the external. We say, "Ah, well, me just getting out of bed, that's not gonna change anything." And that mindset will never serve you, so you know, create some meanings in your life that serve your soul, and control what you can control, and pray about the rest.

    27. MRMel Robbins58:03

        You know, in your new book, Protect Your Peace, you talk about demanding your worth.

    28. TSTrent Shelton58:06

        Yeah. (laughs)

    29. MRMel Robbins58:06

        How do you do that?

    30. TSTrent Shelton58:09

        Oh man. So-
22. 59:00 – 59:50

    What is ‘soul momentum’?

    1. TSTrent Shelton59:00

       tied to something external every time. How people feel about me, how my job feels about me, what's going on. And I say, "Well, if your thing, if your worth is tied to something external, then how can you ever be consistent in loving yourself? Because now you're putting your life in the hands of something that can go up and down." My followers on social media, my al- the algorithm. If your worth is tied to that, Lord, it's up and down. So, I'll often tell people, cut the strings in your life. What's the puppet master that's controlling your worth? Cut it. If it's, you know, how peop- opinions, cut it. If it's comparison, cut it. If it's social media, cut it, and get back to a, a solid foundational principle of worth that doesn't change. For me, it's faith. For other people, it's other things. And so if my worth is not in the things that I do but my worth is in who I am, then I'm more confident demanding my worth. There was a time where I was scared to ask for a certain

23. 59:50 – 1:00:03

    If you don’t feel your worth, you’re probably doing this.

    1. TSTrent Shelton59:50

       speaking price. There was a time where I was kind of like, oh, do I deserve this? And I look back on my life, I say, you know what? Just because they don't think I'm worth it, I'm worth it, I've been worth it, and I will forever be worth it. And I would tell the person listening to this, repeat

24. 1:00:03 – 1:05:45

    What do you do when you’ve made mistakes in your past?

    1. TSTrent Shelton1:00:03

       that every morning. I'm worth it, I've been worth it, I will forever be worth it. It doesn't make you stuck up. It doesn't make you conceited. It makes you a person that understands how valuable you are. And when you understand that, that's when you activate the power in your life. And so what I mean demand your worth, that means stop settling for less because settling leads to suffering. If you settle in a certain area of your life, you will start to suffer. Relationships, business, friendships, any ship that sail in partnerships, you will start to suffer at some point, and suffering is poison for the soul. And so demand your worth in that area. Demand your worth in friendships.... demand your worth in your business, (laughs) demand your worth at your job if you have to. And it means having a conversation. Don't be... I'm not telling you to be ignorant and doing it, but start believing in yourself more, that you're worth more, that you are worthy. We can tell people all these things and give people all these tools. If you don't believe that you're worthy of it, you will never be coming.

    2. MRMel Robbins1:00:56

       For somebody who has, like, rock bottom self-worth-

    3. TSTrent Shelton1:01:01

       Yeah.

    4. MRMel Robbins1:01:02

       ... where do you begin? Like, 'cause obviously it's internal-

    5. TSTrent Shelton1:01:06

       Yeah.

    6. MRMel Robbins1:01:07

       ... and it begins with how you treat yourself.

    7. TSTrent Shelton1:01:09

       Yeah.

    8. MRMel Robbins1:01:10

       But if you were coaching somebody who does not have the faith that you have-

    9. TSTrent Shelton1:01:14

       Mm-hmm.

    10. MRMel Robbins1:01:15

        ... but that really is like, "But where do I even begin in terms of demanding my worth for myself?" What are some small steps that somebody could take, Trent?

    11. TSTrent Shelton1:01:24

        Yeah. One, you gotta strip away everything your worth is tied to, everything, every person, every situation, phew, your past. That's the number one killer. A lot of people, and we can get into this, but they live what I call past lenses. They literally put their lenses on of your past, and you see the world that way. So I see the world as shame. I see the world as guilt. I see the world of I, I can never be enough-

    12. MRMel Robbins1:01:51

        Mm.

    13. TSTrent Shelton1:01:52

        ... because of my past. And I would tell the person listening to this right now, just because you have some bad chapters, like, listen to me, just because you have some bad chapters doesn't mean your story can't end well. So it starts with forgiving yourself. It starts with giving self grace. It starts with understanding this truth that helps me. Everybody's imperfect. Everybody got their mess. So just because people hide their struggles better than you, it doesn't make them better than you. So I'll start there. What does it look like to love myself? What does it look like for me to give myself what it needs? What does it look like for some self-care? Start what you can control, and then from that point, then surround yourself around people who, who, who li- uplift your worth, who validate who you are, who make you feel good. And sometimes it's not your family. Sometimes the people closest to you don't want the best for you. Sometimes they do, but maybe it's going to a conference. Maybe it's getting around a community group. Maybe it's joining a running club. And the more you can get around people who can justify, not even validate, but help you understand that you are enough, you will start to believe in yourself more 'cause I, I bet you, Mel, that the person that doesn't feel like they have worth, I bet you their environment is full of them feeling like they're worthless.

    14. MRMel Robbins1:03:06

        Yeah, I think, I think if you take what Trent is saying as the fact, because it is the fact, that your worth begins and ends with you, and if you start to just ask yourself that question, "What would it look like if I actually did treat myself as if I was worthy?"

    15. TSTrent Shelton1:03:26

        That's right.

    16. MRMel Robbins1:03:27

        You can s- you can come up with the list. "I'd, I'd say nicer things. I'd get out of bed. I'd make my bed. I'd clean my room. I would start to take care of myself. I would spend some time on some things I enjoy doing. I would stop hanging around with these negative people. I wouldn't waste so much time on social media if I really valued myself." That list of actions is the map, and what's interesting, and, you know, this, this is something that I know that you also have experienced in your life, is that this is so critical because when you start to raise your own standards for how you speak and talk to yourself, you, you hold yourself accountable to a different level, your own energy from the inside out shifts the world around you. Right now, you are saying yes to things that you don't wanna say yes to-

    17. TSTrent Shelton1:04:18

        (laughs)

    18. MRMel Robbins1:04:18

        ... that are beneath you, that you don't wanna do. Whether it's helping somebody move out of their spare apartment or if it's borrow- letting somebody borrow... You don't wanna do it, but you say yes, which is a sign of you not valuing yourself. And what's interesting is sometimes I think the fastest access, and you talked about this at the very beginning, is start saying no. Start saying no all those times. "No, I am not gonna go to Mom and Dad's house and cook them dinner." It is your turn, sibling of mine, to pull your share. "I'm not doing it." When you start to raise your own standards for yourself, a funny thing happens. The world starts to align (laughs) consistently. They may not like it, but something starts to shift because you're causing it. I love, love, love this. You know, let's talk to the person that is kind of the go-to for everybody else, like maybe they're the ones taking care of aging parents-

    19. TSTrent Shelton1:05:20

        Yeah.

    20. MRMel Robbins1:05:20

        ... but none of the siblings are helping, or it's the single mom and they can't get any help from, you know, the former partner or somebody that's taken on everybody's work at work. You know, we've all been kind of that person once or twice. Um, and they're ignoring themselves. What do you have to say to them, Trent?

    21. TSTrent Shelton1:05:40

        You tell people how to treat you by what you accept. You

25. 1:05:45 – 1:08:38

    Feeling drained by other people? Listen to this.

    1. TSTrent Shelton1:05:45

       tell people how to treat you by what you continuously accept. I'm a believer, and I'm sure there's exceptions to certain rules, that people will consistently and continuously give you what you allow them to give you. I believe that you're in control of two things in this world.

    2. MRMel Robbins1:06:06

       What are they?

    3. TSTrent Shelton1:06:06

       What you give. Nobody can stop you giving anything. And what you accept. So if I was like, "Mel, you know, this is a cup of poison. Drink it," like, now, like, you wouldn't accept that. And it's crazy because I feel like emotionally, we accept so many emotional poisons in our life that we don't have to accept. Nobody can force you to accept it. And the first thing it starts with, again, we go back to setting that boundary-

    4. MRMel Robbins1:06:32

       Mm-hmm.

    5. TSTrent Shelton1:06:33

       ... saying no. Boundaries are not walls to keep things out.We hear the word boundary, think, "Oh, boundary's a bad thing, and it's toxic," and no. Boundaries aren't walls to keep things out. Boundaries are bridges to let the right things in.

    6. MRMel Robbins1:06:49

       Ooh. That was... Boundaries are not walls.

    7. TSTrent Shelton1:06:53

       They're not walls to keep things out. It can be if somebody makes it a wall, where they disrespect your boundary over and over, then it becomes a wall. Like, "Hey, I'm blocking you from my phone, leave me alone."

    8. MRMel Robbins1:07:02

       Right.

    9. TSTrent Shelton1:07:02

       "Or I'm blocking you..." But boundaries aren't walls to keep things out. They're bridges to let the right things in. That's in relationships, that's in marriage, that's... Like, it makes it more beautiful. Me and my wife, we've set boundaries with each other that makes it more beautiful. I give her her time on self-care day, she gives me my time, my hours, and we're better for our kids and our family when we come back to that. Do I want to every minute of her life? Yes. I want to... No, I don't want you to go out there, babe. But I realize that's what she needs.

    10. MRMel Robbins1:07:34

        Mm-hmm.

    11. TSTrent Shelton1:07:34

        Friendships, boundaries, your work, boundaries. And the thing that I see is that so many people aren't setting boundaries or they're setting boundaries and not standing on their boundaries. So if you're the go-to person for everybody else but you can't go to anybody, set a boundary. Say, "Hey, if you can't do this for me, I'm not doing this for you no more," unapologetically. If you're the person that's always being there for everybody, if you're somebody's 2:00 AM and they call you with all their problems, oh my gosh, then set a boundary. "Hey, you know what? If you're not gonna take my advice, don't call me no more with your problems." If I can't call you at 2:00 AM, I call you, you sleep. I get the Do Not Disturb.

    12. MRMel Robbins1:08:12

        (laughs)

    13. TSTrent Shelton1:08:14

        Then set that boundary. And boundaries aren't a mean thing, it's a necessary thing to protect your peace and to protect your energy. 'Cause you, as we said at the beginning of this episode, you don't get an infinite amount of energy to use. Like, no, it's a battery. If we're honest, some of us protect our phone battery more than we do our soul battery.

    14. MRMel Robbins1:08:33

        So true.

    15. TSTrent Shelton1:08:35

        So, to bring this back,

26. 1:08:38 – 1:10:20

    You’ve never heard this about boundaries.

    1. TSTrent Shelton1:08:38

       set boundaries and look at boundaries as bridges, and I think it will change your life when you ask yourself what you need. Can I give them a three-step process with that?

    2. MRMel Robbins1:08:46

       Please. Let's go.

    3. TSTrent Shelton1:08:49

       Number one, when you're setting boundaries, first ask yourself, what do you need in your life right now? Write that down, whatever it is. Peace, I need sanity, I need better friends, whatever it is. Number two, then ask yourself, what boundary do you need to set, do I need to set, that will lead me to what I need? Okay. Then number three, which is probably the most important. Why do I have to, not want to, why do I have to stick to this boundary, and this boundary is something I can't budge? And write that down. What is it costing you? I like to call it opportunity costs. What is it gonna cost you not to stick to this boundary? Your future, your peace? Maybe you're a mom and you keep saying yes to everybody else and you're frustrated and now your kids get that. Maybe you're a dad and you're doing all the things and you can't be the man you need to be for your wife and your family. What is it costing you? Because it's costing you way more than you think. Get clear on that and start there.

    4. MRMel Robbins1:09:48

       Amazing. Amazing. You know, Trent, one of my favorite things about following you online is you've got this incredible series, um, A Message To You. And I love the hope and the inspiration and the wisdom that you are giving people every single day on social media. And if you do not follow Trent, follow him, share this episode with everybody. How you can find him, we are gonna re- we're gonna link to all of it in the resources, but what message do you have for someone who feels like they've lost their way?

27. 1:10:20 – 1:11:45

    What to know when you feel you’ve lost your way.

    1. MRMel Robbins1:10:20

    2. TSTrent Shelton1:10:25

       If you feel like you lost your way, I would say congratulations. And the reason I say that is because if you're lost, that only means one thing: you're about to be found. And sometimes you need to lose your way in order to find a better way. Sometimes you need to lose certain things to gain better things. Sometimes certain doors have to close that you want to keep open so a better door can come into your life. So I would tell you to have patience, have faith. Never lose your belief. Never lose your worth. And do know better is coming for your life. And you're probably at a breaking point. Again, congratulations, because a breaking point means one or two things. And I know after this episode what you're gonna choose, but one, it means you're gonna break down. We're not doing that. Two, it means you're gonna break through, and you're about to break through to a level that you couldn't even imagine because of everything that you went through. It's building you, not breaking you. Keep going.

    3. MRMel Robbins1:11:30

       I believe you. Like, that's what I love about listening to you. When I hear you say that and the conviction in your voice, I believe you. And I know as you're listening, you're like, "Trent, give me more. Give me more. I believe you too, Trent." So

28. 1:11:45 – 1:13:20

    Do this when you’re worried about your kids and their choices.

    1. MRMel Robbins1:11:45

       what message do you have for someone who's worried about their kids?

    2. TSTrent Shelton1:11:53

       If you're worried about your kids, I get it. And that's a justifiable worry, but you have to learn how to let go and trust. I know so many times we want to control our kids because we wanna protect our kids, but you gotta understand that, number one, you're doing an excellent job at planting seeds, but that's all you can do is plant seeds. As they continue to grow, they're gonna make their own choices. And I can tell you from my life, my mother planted so many seeds that I didn't listen to until I got about 28, 29 years old. I'm still learning. But at the right time, those seeds took harvest in my life. So that work that you're doing, mom, dad, it isn't in vain, and your kids have a life that they're meant to live, a journey that they're meant to go on. So let them go, and you just be the support system along the way.But give yourself some credit, because you're doing things that you will never get thanks for.

    3. MRMel Robbins1:12:51

       Mm-hmm.

    4. TSTrent Shelton1:12:51

       And that's what a leader's all about. I'm proud of you.

    5. MRMel Robbins1:12:57

       Thank you. Thank you for saying you're proud of us.

    6. TSTrent Shelton1:13:01

       For sure. It's a lot.

    7. MRMel Robbins1:13:03

       Yeah. And I, I loved what you said about you're doing things that you're not getting credit for.

    8. TSTrent Shelton1:13:08

       Yeah.

    9. MRMel Robbins1:13:09

       Whether you're a parent or not, I think recognizing that in yourself, that you are showing up, that you're a good person, and that you're doing a whole lot that you're not getting credit for.

29. 1:13:20 – 1:15:25

    Struggling with how to find your purpose? This is for you.

    1. MRMel Robbins1:13:21

       Um, what message do you have, Trent, for someone who is struggling with their purpose?

    2. TSTrent Shelton1:13:29

       Yeah. If you're struggling with your purpose, I've been there. And I would like to make this suggestion to you, this idea that I have. What if purpose isn't something that you're, that you search for? It's who you are. What if you're searching for something that already exists? I believe that purpose is you. I believe you were created for a purpose, on purpose, to do purpose, to share purpose, to, to breathe purpose. And I think what you're searching for is placement, is validation from this world. And so I would like you to take ownership on who you are, because I thought the NFL was my purpose till I lost it, then I felt purposeless in my life. But now I believe that I am purpose, so I can take my life anywhere to create value, to make the room better, to use my voice to uplift. And it's the same with you. So if you're at your job and you feel like, "This job holds no purpose," and I know you wanna get out of it, I always tell people, "If you can't change your situation, you must change your mindset towards it." So you bring the purpose into the job. You bring the energy into the job. You bring the shift into the job. In whatever environment you go around, you make it better. And as you do that, you increase what I call a magnet. And that magnet will bring the right things into your life. That magnet will increase what you need. And you don't have to go on this journey of chasing, because often we chase and we're being led by scarcity, comparison, pain, and we find things that aren't meant for our life. But if you just stop, reflect, and pause right now and said, "I am purpose." Say that, "I am purpose," and really believe that, you'll make impact in this world greater than anything that could ever be measured.

    3. MRMel Robbins1:15:22

       Incredible. What message do you

30. 1:15:25 – 1:17:20

    If you’re not leaving a toxic relationship, this is probably why.

    1. MRMel Robbins1:15:25

       have for someone who needs to exit a toxic relationship?

    2. TSTrent Shelton1:15:29

       Hmm. Leave. (laughs)

    3. MRMel Robbins1:15:35

       (laughs) Protect your peace.

    4. TSTrent Shelton1:15:38

       I would tell you, I would ask you that question I asked earlier in this episode, "Do you want to die unhappy?" I know that seems very, very like, (sigh) but it's the truth. This is why I know you haven't left, because you're afraid. You're afraid of the unknown. You're afraid of leaving something that's familiar, even if it's a familiar pain. Most of us will choose a familiar pain than go seek an unknown peace. But I'll tell you this truth about moving on. Moving on is less about what you're moving on from and more about what you're moving on to. So create better value in what you're moving on to. Create a compelling future that pulls you away from that toxic, 'cause once you experience a life of peace, you'll never go back to that situation again. I'm sure you have an ex that you look back and say, "How was I ever with that person?" It's because you grew into what you deserve. And I know this is kind of harsh, but you deserve exactly what you settle for. I believe you deserve more, but you gotta believe that yourself and go get it.

    5. MRMel Robbins1:16:50

       Trent, um, I, I just, I, I feel like everybody listening is gonna go, "This is exactly what I needed to hear." You know, you talked about a magnet and being pulled into somebody's life.

    6. TSTrent Shelton1:17:03

       Yeah.

    7. MRMel Robbins1:17:03

       And it is so clear that you are your purpose.

    8. TSTrent Shelton1:17:08

       Yeah. Thank you.

    9. MRMel Robbins1:17:08

       Like, you embody it, and it's just a unbelievable gift to be able to experience it.

    10. TSTrent Shelton1:17:15

        Thank you.

    11. MRMel Robbins1:17:16

        Um, for someone who feels like their current

31. 1:17:20 – 1:19:37

    Living with depression? Mel and Trent were, too. Listen to this.

    1. MRMel Robbins1:17:20

       situation is the final destination for them, that they're stuck, what is your message to them?

    2. TSTrent Shelton1:17:28

       Give tomorrow a chance. That's what I would tell you. Your current situation is not your final destination. There's more to your life, and I know right now it's hard for you to believe that, but I need you to believe it. Like, everything you're currently facing is building you for something greater, and you have to believe that. You're more than your struggles. You're more than your pain. I know you feel like nobody understands you, nobody gets you. I know you feel alone and isolated. That's what depression wants you to feel. But I want you to flood your life with appreciation, even for the little things, the small things, for breath in your body, for your heartbeat, because appreciation is the first step to elevating your life. So I wanna tell you, I'm proud of you for not giving up when it's so easy to. I know how it feels to be at a breaking point in life where I don't wanna live my life anymore, but I'm glad that I didn't go through with those thoughts. Those silent battles that you're dealing with, give that pain a voice, 'cause everything you're going through, I believe will soon turn into everything you made it through. Keep going.

    3. MRMel Robbins1:18:45

       One thing that I really appreciate is you.And if you are looking to hold on to what Trent is saying, and find something to appreciate, I want you to really take a moment and just send that energy of appreciation to absolutely everything that Trent poured into you today. And the fact that you now have this conversation to listen to over, and over, and over, and over again, to remind yourself of what you're worth, and the power that you have to change your life, and the steps that you can take to do it. And I just wanted to give you one final question, Trent. What are your closing words to the person that's listening to you right now?

Episode duration: 1:21:36