The Mel Robbins Podcast

A Masterclass on Dealing with Change: A 3-Step Process | The Mel Robbins Podcast

Order your copy of The Let Them Theory 👉 https://melrob.co/let-them-theory 👈 The #1 Best Selling Book of 2025 🔥 Discover how much power you truly have. It all begins with two simple words. Let Them. — In this episode, Harvard professor Dr. Luana Marques is going to teach you 3 simple steps to turn #anxiety into power. And she’s not fooling around; in the first few minutes, she even called me out. If you want to be more successful and effective in getting what you want out of your life or #career, learning how to master your #emotions, especially in difficult situations, is an essential skill. And Dr. Luana is a sought-after expert who will teach you how. If major life changes crush you with overwhelm and anxiety, this is for you. If stress and frustration are holding you back at work, you need her 3-step method. If your palms start to sweat just thinking about: - Downloading the dating app - Applying for a better job - Moving in with your significant other - Filing for divorce - Your kids leaving for college or to live on their own Not anymore. Dr. Luana Marques is a popular #Harvard professor here to teach you that change is not only a necessary part of life but an incredibly powerful part of creating the life you want. And even cooler, she is going through a MAJOR career change right now (and using her 3-step process to do it). Today you’ll learn to: - Stop running away from your feelings. - Silence your self-doubt. - Figure out what’s most important to you (so you can run toward it). - Jump into new situations using a powerful metaphor. And you’ll get a practical and simple 3-step framework to master any transition in your life. Grab your notebook, your pencil, and hit play. Xo Mel In this episode: 00:00 Intro 04:06 Why are transitions so damn hard? 09:44 What happens when ambition no longer serves you? 12:42 The exercise you need to find your values, according to research 14:53 What happens when success comes at a cost? 19:26 How values have shifted post-pandemic 24:07 Holding space for discomfort with your loved ones is essential. 26:50 Feel your feelings; it’s okay to not feel okay. 32:03 The one thing you need to add to your calendar today 39:36 Attach yourself to your why. 42:12 Dr. Luana’s 3-step method to overcoming any transition 49:41 Dr. Luana’s incredible work at Harvard 53:40 What Dr. Luana means when she says the world is "locked" 55:30 This is the bold move you need to take today. — Follow Mel: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melrobbins/ TikTok: http://tiktok.com/@melrobbins Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/melrobbins LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melrobbins Website: http://melrobbins.com — Sign up for Mel’s newsletter: https://melrob.co/sign-up-newsletter A note from Mel to you, twice a week, sharing simple, practical ways to build the life you want. — Subscribe to Mel’s channel here: https://www.youtube.com/melrobbins?sub_confirmation=1 — Listen to The Mel Robbins Podcast 🎧 New episodes drop every Monday & Thursday! https://melrob.co/spotify https://melrob.co/applepodcasts https://melrob.co/amazonmusic — Looking for Mel’s books on Amazon? Find them here: The Let Them Theory: https://amzn.to/3IQ21Oe The Let Them Theory Audiobook: https://amzn.to/413SObp The High 5 Habit: https://amzn.to/3fMvfPQ The 5 Second Rule: https://amzn.to/4l54fah

Mel RobbinshostDr. Luana Marquesguest

Jul 19, 202359mWatch on YouTube ↗

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

Three-Step Framework To Navigate Life Transitions Without Avoidance Or Panic

Mel Robbins and psychologist Dr. Luana Marques explore why life transitions—like graduation, job changes, and post‑pandemic shifts—feel so destabilizing and how our instinct to avoid discomfort makes them even harder.
Using Mel’s impending transition with her daughter graduating and moving home as a live case study, they unpack how unresolved personal pain, anxiety, and over‑fixing for others often drive our reactions.
Dr. Marques introduces a three-step process—Shift, Approach, Align—grounded in cognitive behavioral science to help people face discomfort, clarify their values, and take small, consistent actions aligned with those values.
They emphasize that discomfort in transitions is not a sign something is wrong, but a necessary doorway to growth, impact, and a more integrated, value‑driven life for ourselves and those we love.

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

Discomfort in transitions is normal, not a danger signal.

Major life changes naturally bring anxiety, grief, and uncertainty; feeling unsettled doesn’t mean something is wrong, it means you’re letting go of an old shore while not yet fully in the new life.

Avoidance prolongs pain and blocks growth.

Whether it’s staying in misaligned careers, overworking, or numbing out emotions, avoiding discomfort keeps you stuck in an old identity and often leads to crises (health scares, breakdowns) that finally force change.

Use pain as a compass to uncover your core values.

When something hurts deeply, it’s often because a key value (like impact, connection, or family) is being violated; leaning into the pain with curiosity—“Why does this hurt?”—reveals what actually matters most now.

Clarify values by examining your best moments, not just your worst.

Notice times you feel calm, alive, or in flow (e.g., family dinners, creative work) and ask, “What about this feels so right?”—those experiences point directly to your true values like connection, creativity, or simplicity.

Support others by holding space, not fixing their discomfort.

Rushing in to solve a child’s or partner’s anxiety robs them of the growth that comes from facing their own transition; instead, name what you see, set boundaries if it spills onto you, and allow them to feel and process.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

Let go and start swimming, because there is no ticket to a perfect life.

— Dr. Luana Marques

Pain only exists because behind that pain there is a value that’s extremely important that’s being violated.

— Dr. Luana Marques

There’s no transition without discomfort for anybody. If she didn’t have it, something would be wrong.

— Dr. Luana Marques

I’m no longer actually living a value‑driven life. I’m living an emotion‑driven life and just trying to not feel uncomfortable.

— Dr. Luana Marques

If you’re going to feel uncomfortable anyhow, you might as well use that pain in a way that actually gets you un‑stuck.

— Dr. Luana Marques

Why life transitions (graduation, career shifts, aging, post‑pandemic life) feel so difficultThe role of avoidance and fear of discomfort in keeping people stuckDiscovering and redefining personal values during times of changeDr. Luana’s three-step process: Shift, Approach, AlignSupporting loved ones through transitions without over‑fixing or rescuingUsing emotional pain and anxiety as signals pointing to violated valuesBuilding a simpler, values‑aligned life and business (Mel’s Vermont move example)

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