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The Mel Robbins Podcast

A Toolkit for Families: Practical Wisdom That Makes You Closer | Mel Robbins Podcast

In this episode, my entire #family sits down to share insights around how to #parent so that your kids are open and honest with you.

Mel RobbinshostSawyer RobbinsguestKendall RobbinsguestChris RobbinsguestOakley RobbinsguestParent guest (likely Chris or Mel in a different mic/camera setup)guestParent guest (likely Chris or Mel in a brief interjection)guestMel Robbins (in extended advice segment)host

Dec 22, 20221h 0mWatch on YouTube

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CHAPTERS

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Chapter summaries

Robbins family round-robin introductions and playful banter
The episode opens with Mel, Chris, and their kids (Sawyer, Kendall, Oakley) introducing each other in a humorous “pass the torch” format. The playful teasing establishes the family dynamic and sets the tone for a candid conversation about parenting and connection.
- •Family members introduce one another with affectionate jokes
- •Establishes roles/dynamics (Chris as the “rock,” Mel as the “tornado,” sibling humor)
- •Sets up the theme: openness and how this family communicates
Why the kids share so much: “Tell the truth and you won’t get punished”
Mel asks the kids whether they feel they have an open relationship—and why. Sawyer explains the core trust rule: honesty is met with support, not punishment, which removes the incentive to hide things.
- •Sawyer describes being very open, but still choosing what details to share
- •Family rule: truth-telling doesn’t lead to punishment
- •Story: first drinking incident becomes a trust-building moment
- •Contrast with friends’ households where punishment fuels secrecy and lying
Listening vs. hearing: how feeling understood creates real openness
Sawyer distinguishes between parents “hearing” information and truly “listening” by internalizing feelings and context. The family discusses how empathic listening, not pre-decided judgments, keeps communication channels open.
- •Listening = empathizing and internalizing emotions, not just receiving facts
- •Parents who enter talks with a fixed ‘no’ create resentment and sneakiness
- •Let kids make mistakes within safe boundaries; process feelings afterward
- •Emotional moment: Chris tears up as kids describe feeling heard
Connection first, correction last: the Robbins parenting philosophy
Mel summarizes their approach: parenting is helping kids discover who they are, not becoming their friend or controlling outcomes. Connection is prioritized, with correction coming only after safety and relationship are secured.
- •Parenting goal: help kids think through decisions and form values
- •“Connection first, correction dead last” becomes the guiding framework
- •Openness is modeled by parents; kids feel parents ‘have my back’
- •Guardrails focus on safety and morals rather than rigid behavioral control
Guardrails that matter: morals, safety, and letting kids ‘figure it out’
The family clarifies what rules actually work: strong guardrails around danger and character, but flexibility around typical teen experiences. They argue that reactive punishment misses the deeper issues beneath risky behavior.
- •Non-negotiables: no deadly/self-destructive/discriminatory behavior
- •Moral guardrails: kindness, respect, gratitude vs. strict activity bans
- •Parents should explore root causes behind substance use, not just confiscate/overreact
- •Therapy can help when parents aren’t the right support person
Tool for raising kids who talk: warm invitations + patience with silence
A listener asks how to raise kids who share about their lives into college years. Sawyer’s practical tool: consistently ask with genuine warmth and interest, without demanding answers or overstepping boundaries.
- •Ask with excitement and authentic curiosity about their world
- •Keep asking over time; don’t interpret silence as failure
- •Respect phases when kids aren’t receptive
- •Asking signals: ‘We’re here, we love you, we’ll listen’
Honest communication and modeling vulnerability at home
The conversation turns to parental fear of ‘screwing up’ and how the Robbins approach mistakes. The family emphasizes apologizing quickly, transparency, and showing real emotions so kids learn it’s safe to be human.
- •Parents will mess up; repair comes from quick responsibility and apologies
- •Transparency and leading by example builds trust
- •Family rituals of talking (dinner/fireplace) create a communication habit
- •Vulnerability (including parents crying) normalizes emotions for kids
Teen daughters pulling away: create fun experiences and include their friends
A parent asks how to reconnect with teenage daughters who are glued to phones and behind closed doors. Kendall and Sawyer normalize the phase and recommend creating low-pressure, enjoyable shared experiences—often including friends.
- •Teen disengagement isn’t personal; friends become central developmentally
- •Create ‘fun’ memories (activities, outings) rather than forcing serious talks
- •Invite/host friends to stay close to teens’ social world
- •Parents acknowledge regret: ‘I didn’t do that enough’
Making peace with parenting regrets: say it out loud and go to your kids
A listener asks how to find peace about past mistakes and rebuild with adult kids. The family’s answer is direct: tell your kids what you regret, apologize, and meet them where they are instead of trying to pull them toward you.
- •Bridge-building starts with honesty: name regrets and feelings directly
- •Stop processing only with spouse/friends; talk to the adult child
- •‘If you want to be close to your kids, go to them’ (their hobbies/interests)
- •Example: Dad bonding with Oakley through a gaming conference
Freshman year college struggle: validate feelings, enforce guardrails, plan solutions
In rapid-fire Q&A, Mel asks what to do when a college freshman wants to quit early. Sawyer shares her own miserable first year and why staying through the year can be transformative when paired with support and practical options.
- •Freshman fall can be isolating; homesickness + boyfriend pull are common
- •Guardrail: don’t allow escape from discomfort too quickly; anxiety worsens
- •Script: validate + require finishing the year + empower transfer planning
- •Concrete solution ideas: knock on doors, DM classmates, join activities
When you dislike your child’s partner: stay welcoming and focus on your kid’s identity
The family addresses what to do if a teen’s partner is rude or seems like a bad fit. The guidance: avoid ultimatums, keep the partner welcome (unless unsafe), and frame concerns around how your child is changing rather than attacking the partner.
- •Don’t ban the partner; it drives secrecy and separation
- •Assuming safety, keep them close so you can observe dynamics
- •Use non-judgmental language: ‘You don’t seem like yourself’
- •Real examples: how parental framing ‘stuck’ in the kids’ minds over time
Friend-group exclusion and middle school pain: be a teammate and promise not to escalate
A parent asks what to do when a 12-year-old is excluded and won’t open up. Sawyer suggests leading with your own relatable story, emphasizing you’re there to listen, and explicitly promising you won’t intervene without permission.
- •Open by relating to your own school friendship pain to lower defenses
- •Clarify your role: listener and teammate, not an immediate fixer
- •Key promise: you won’t contact teachers/parents or confront bullies automatically
- •Create safety so the child can share without fear of retaliation
One behavior change today: stop grounding—replace punishment with conversation and trust
To close, Mel asks for actionable behavior changes parents can adopt immediately. Sawyer argues grounding backfires by driving kids underground and recommends privacy-respecting trust, real conversations, vulnerability, and consistent support.
- •Stop grounding as a default; it often increases rebellion and secrecy
- •Instead: talk through what happened, explain impact, decide consequences later if needed
- •Keep confidences—don’t share your child’s disclosures with others
- •Be human: model emotions, show interest in their interests, and ‘have their back’

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