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The Mel Robbins PodcastThe Mel Robbins Podcast

Create a Happier Version of Yourself: Redirect Your Energy for Positive Thinking

In this episode, you will learn how to take back your power when you’re in the midst of change, stress, or uncertainty, and then redirect your energy for self-transformation. If there’s an area of your life that you’re feeling unhappy about and want to take control over, today’s episode will show you exactly what to do. Joining Mel in this deeply personal episode is her 21-year-old son Oakley. He candidly shares how he went from feeling stuck and lonely, to finally feeling happy again, and the simple mindset shifts and changes that made the biggest difference. He and Mel openly unpack how to go from feeling unhappy about a situation you feel like you don’t have a lot of control over, and how to move through it. In this episode, you’ll learn: -How the fantasy version of your past keeps you from seeing what’s possible now -How to know whether it’s you or the situation that needs to change -Why it’s unfair to criticize where you are if you haven’t done this one thing -How long you should give a new situation before deciding if it’s the right fit -The 4 things you may be doing to keep you stuck and unhappy -The signs that you’re “quietly quitting” the situation you’re in -The science of luck and what happy people do to make their own luck -The first thing you need to do when you’re unhappy and want your life to feel different Here’s the hard truth: nobody is coming to rescue you - and that’s good news. It means you have more power than you think. The moment you see what’s keeping you stuck, you can start changing it. After today, you’ll know exactly what needs to change first. For more resources related to today’s episode, click here for the podcast episode page: https://www.melrobbins.com/episode/episode-410/ Follow The Mel Robbins Podcast on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themelrobbinspodcast I’m just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is NOT intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I’ll see you in the next episode. In this episode: 00:00 Meet the Guest 04:20 The 4 Reasons Life Changes So Hard 09:23 How to Find Happiness Right Where You Are 23:21 The Power of Saying Yes 32:15 How to Create Your Own Luck 37:03 What Stops You From Being Happy 46:20 If You Change Nothing, Nothing Changes 56:05 The Reason You Need to Keep Going Expedia. The one place you go to go places. — Follow Mel: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melrobbins/ TikTok: http://tiktok.com/@melrobbins Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/melrobbins LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melrobbins Website: http://melrobbins.com​ — Sign up for Mel’s newsletter: https://melrob.co/sign-up-newsletter A note from Mel to you, twice a week, sharing simple, practical ways to build the life you want. — Subscribe to Mel’s channel here: https://www.youtube.com/melrobbins​?sub_confirmation=1 — Listen to The Mel Robbins Podcast 🎧 New episodes drop every Monday & Thursday! https://melrob.co/spotify https://melrob.co/applepodcasts https://melrob.co/amazonmusic — Looking for Mel’s books on Amazon? Find them here: The Let Them Theory: https://amzn.to/3IQ21Oe The Let Them Theory Audiobook: https://amzn.to/413SObp The High 5 Habit: https://amzn.to/3fMvfPQ The 5 Second Rule: https://amzn.to/4l54fah

Mel RobbinshostOakley Robbinsguest
Jul 2, 20261h 1mWatch on YouTube ↗

At a glance

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

A four-step checklist to turn unhappiness into real change

  1. Oakley describes being miserable for 18 months at college largely because he constantly compared it to the happiness and identity he had in high school.
  2. They argue comparison fuels judgment, isolation, and “quiet quitting,” making any new chapter feel worse than it is.
  3. The checklist emphasizes checking your energy (shrinking vs. expansive), saying yes more often, and taking responsibility for creating connection and opportunity.
  4. A key turning point was “closing the exits” (e.g., no-contact after a breakup) so Oakley could be fully present and committed to building a life at school.
  5. If you’ve truly changed your mindset/actions and given it time yet nothing improves, the conclusion is that it’s time to change the situation—without guilt or regret.

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

You can’t start a new chapter while clinging to the old one.

Oakley’s misery was amplified by constant comparisons to high school; comparison automatically creates judgment and blinds you to what’s good and possible in the present.

Your emotional posture predicts your outcomes: shrink or expand.

Crossed arms, cynicism, and “quiet quitting” pull you away from people and experiences; expansive energy looks like curiosity, trying again, and entering rooms believing something good could happen.

“Saying yes” is a practical strategy for rebuilding happiness.

Oakley’s turnaround began when he rejoined the Frisbee team, went to more social plans, and followed up with “mutuals”—repetition turned awkward first hangs into real friendships.

Luck is often manufactured by putting yourself in the current.

Referencing Tina Seelig’s research, Mel frames “luck” as the result of small actions that increase collisions with what you want (friends, mentors, opportunities).

If you’re only 40% in, you can’t fairly judge the situation.

Oakley’s long-distance relationship (and Mel’s trips back to Boston) functioned as exits that prevented full engagement; you need both feet in the present to accurately evaluate fit.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

You can't open a new door if you're gripping the old one.

— Mel Robbins

I came to the realization over that break that I needed to get off my high horse and stop assuming that the place I was in was going to become the place I was once at.

— Oakley Robbins

I was waiting for someone to just show up and for things to click, and for it to be like, wow, like, I, I love this place now. I was waiting for just one person to show up, but it's, it's on you.

— Oakley Robbins

If you change nothing... Nothing will change.

— Mel Robbins / Oakley Robbins

And I think that's a beautiful thing, to know that any time in life where you're questioning, "Is it me or is it the situation?" What I know for sure is that if you change nothing, nothing changes.

— Mel Robbins

Is it me or is it the situation? diagnostic checklistComparison and judging the present against the pastExpansive energy vs. shrinking/withdrawing energySaying yes and leaning into discomfortClosing the exits (physical and mental)Creating luck through small actions and collisionsGiving it a year and lowering expectations

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