The Mel Robbins Podcast

Feeling Used? 5 Ways to Take Your Power Back | The Mel Robbins Podcast

Order your copy of The Let Them Theory 👉 https://melrob.co/let-them-theory 👈 The #1 Best Selling Book of 2025 🔥 Discover how much power you truly have. It all begins with two simple words. Let Them. — In this episode, we are calling BS on partners, friends, siblings, colleagues, and roommates who ride on your coattails, mooch off your generosity, and love the fact that you do everything. (While they do next to nothing.…) It’s time to take your power back with 5 actionable takeaways to get people in your life to step up and do their part. By enabling other people, you are part of the problem. There are 5 things you need to know that will change this dysfunction now. Xo Mel In this episode, you'll learn: 2:37: Do you have people in your life who rely on you a little too much? 4:14: Maybe you’re being used or maybe it’s this instead. 7:38: Is it time for you to be the parent now? 10:15: This is how to get your entire family on the same page. 14:00: Your siblings will understand your expectations if you do this. 17:01: Do this to make people feel that they’re doing the right thing. 21:16: Have a partner that isn’t pulling their weight? You need to hear this. 34:42: This is how you start a conversation when it’s time to set boundaries. 39:08: In a toxic partnered relationship? This is the truth bomb you need. 40:00: Has it become more important to be loved than to love yourself? 44:45 Let me coach you through this exercise to help you change your future. 48:12: Another truth bomb you need to hear today, no matter what you’re doing. 51:45: Listen to Brooke set a courageous boundary for the first time. 54:05: Keep little ears away, because this is what tough f’n love sounds like. 56:41: Stop letting your patterns make choices for you and step up. Listen to the #podcast episode "5 Ways to Take Your Power Back When People Disrespect You" - https://link.chtbl.com/DAinFkFf?sid=ep55_description #relationships #relationshipadvice #advice #coaching Sign up for my weekly newsletter at https://www.melrobbins.com/newsletter — Looking for my books on Amazon? Here they are! High 5 Habit: https://amzn.to/3fMvfPQ The 5 Second Rule: https://amzn.to/3372Rl9

Mel RobbinshostCrystalguestBrookeguest

Apr 5, 20231h 20mWatch on YouTube ↗

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

Feeling Used? How To Set Boundaries And Take Power Back

Mel Robbins explores the difference between truly being used and being in a situation others are simply used to, and what to do in each case. Through two in-depth coaching conversations—with Crystal, supporting unemployed siblings, and Brooke, whose boyfriend hasn’t worked in two years—she shows how learned helplessness, trauma, and low self-worth trap people in unhealthy dynamics. Robbins lays out a practical framework: clarify what you need, set SMART goals or clear conditions, communicate them with love and firmness, and be willing to let people walk away. The core message: you’re complicit if you stay silent; reclaiming your power starts with raising your standards and enforcing boundaries.

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

Distinguish between intentional use and passive complacency.

If someone is consciously exploiting you (e.g., leading you on for sex or deliberately slacking at work), you’re being used; if they’re simply comfortable in a long-standing arrangement that no longer works for you, they’re used to the situation, and you must be the one to change it.

Stop waiting for others to ‘grow up’—lead the change yourself.

People who are comfortable and enabled have no incentive to change; assuming they’ll suddenly mature on their own keeps you stuck. Accept that they may never spontaneously level up and decide what standards and changes you are going to enforce.

Use structure and SMART goals to disrupt learned helplessness.

When people feel nothing they do matters, they need a clear, achievable path forward—specific, measurable, realistic, time-bound tasks (e.g., house chores, job-search hours) that show them exactly how to contribute and succeed.

Frame boundaries as clear choices, not angry ultimatums.

Robbins suggests presenting options like: “If you want to stay in this relationship, you must attend therapy weekly for three months; if you choose not to, you’ll need to move out.” This respects their autonomy while firmly protecting your needs and values.

Validate and reward small positive actions to support change.

When people start meeting agreed-upon expectations—making beds, job hunting, attending therapy—acknowledge it. Genuine appreciation reinforces new behavior and builds a more optimistic, collaborative atmosphere instead of criticism and shame.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

There is a big difference between being used by somebody and being in a situation where somebody is used to the situation.

— Mel Robbins

They are never gonna grow up. Why? Because they’re comfortable.

— Mel Robbins

If you’re staying in something that doesn’t work and you know it, you’re not being used—you’re participating in it.

— Mel Robbins

Fixing him will not fix you. You are perfect and lovable exactly how you are.

— Mel Robbins (to Brooke)

When you let somebody walk out the door, you actually open up a whole new possibility for you.

— Mel Robbins

Difference between being used vs. people being used to a situationFamily dynamics, trauma, and enabling behavior (Crystal’s siblings)Learned helplessness, pessimism vs. realistic optimismSetting SMART goals and “performance improvement plans” at homeBoundaries, ultimatums vs. empowered choices in relationshipsAttachment patterns, self-worth, and toxic relational dynamics (Brooke’s relationship)The importance of therapy, accountability, and modeling for children

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