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The Mel Robbins PodcastThe Mel Robbins Podcast

How Did Your Parents Mess You Up? My Daughter Got Brutally Honest About What I Got Wrong

What if you could sit down with your parents and finally tell them what they got wrong? Or ask your kids what they wish you'd done differently? Today, Mel and her daughter Sawyer are having the kind of honest conversation most families never have. And Sawyer isn't holding back. She asks Mel: -What do you think you got wrong as my mom? -What do you wish you did differently? -What did raising three kids teach you? Mel opens up about her biggest regrets, the mistakes she's still making, and the ways her own childhood shaped the mother she became. But what makes this conversation so special is that Sawyer shares her side, too. You'll hear why Sawyer sometimes turns to her dad instead of Mel, what she wishes her mom understood about her, and how even the most loving families can fall into patterns that leave everyone feeling frustrated or misunderstood. As Mel and Sawyer talk, you'll hear things you can do to make your relationships better, too. In this episode, you'll learn: - What Mel wishes she'd done differently raising her three kids - How trying to help your kids can sometimes push them away - What adult children wish their parents understood - How your childhood shapes the way you communicate, show love, and handle conflict - Why mothers and daughters can have such complicated relationships - One simple question that can change how you communicate with the people you love - How to stop repeating the same arguments and frustrations in your family - A practical way to stay calm when someone pushes your buttons - Why you don't always need to agree to understand each other - How to build a closer, more loving relationship with your family, no matter how old you are Whether you're a mom looking back on raising your kids, an adult who wishes your parents understood you better, or someone who wants less tension and more connection with your family, this conversation will give you a new perspective. You can't change everything that happened in your family, but you can change how you understand each other and what happens next. For more resources related to today’s episode, click here for the podcast episode page: Follow The Mel Robbins Podcast on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themelrobbinspodcast I’m just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is NOT intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I’ll see you in the next episode. In this episode: 00:00 Meet the Guest 02:48 How to Raise Capable, Independent Kids 03:58 The Truth About Becoming a Parent 04:58 When Childbirth Doesn’t Go as Planned 08:31 How to Break Generational Parenting Patterns 13:21 How to Respond Instead of React 22:19 How to Be Brave When You’re Scared 34:50 How to Ask for What You Need 50:45 Your Emotions Don’t Have to Control You — Follow Mel: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melrobbins/ TikTok: http://tiktok.com/@melrobbins Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/melrobbins LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melrobbins Website: http://melrobbins.com​ — Sign up for Mel’s newsletter: https://melrob.co/sign-up-newsletter A note from Mel to you, twice a week, sharing simple, practical ways to build the life you want. — Subscribe to Mel’s channel here: https://www.youtube.com/melrobbins​?sub_confirmation=1 — Listen to The Mel Robbins Podcast 🎧 New episodes drop every Monday & Thursday! https://melrob.co/spotify https://melrob.co/applepodcasts https://melrob.co/amazonmusic — Looking for Mel’s books on Amazon? Find them here: The Let Them Theory: https://amzn.to/3IQ21Oe The Let Them Theory Audiobook: https://amzn.to/413SObp The High 5 Habit: https://amzn.to/3fMvfPQ The 5 Second Rule: https://amzn.to/4l54fah

Mel RobbinshostSawyerguest
Nov 2, 202653mWatch on YouTube ↗

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At a glance

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

Mel and Sawyer unpack parenting mistakes, stress, and emotional regulation tools

  1. Mel and Sawyer answer rapid-fire questions about parenthood, focusing on how parents can support independence without rescuing their kids from necessary struggle.
  2. Mel describes how expectations of calm, picture-perfect family life collided with the messy reality of parenting, including a traumatic first birth experience.
  3. The conversation centers on emotional reactivity—how it forms, how it shows up as “volcano” versus shutdown dynamics, and how a decision to change enables new behavior.
  4. They discuss specific de-escalation tools, including acknowledging feelings, taking a structured pause, and using a notepad technique to slow conflict escalation and improve listening.
  5. They explore family roles and love languages in their household, emphasizing clearer communication, presence, and asking directly for what you need to reduce tension.

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

Preparing kids for adulthood includes not rescuing them from struggle.

Mel says she sometimes underestimated her kids’ capability and stepped in too quickly; she’s now focused on being supportive without “rescuing,” because solving things for them “robs you of growth.” She frames adulthood prep as reinforcing that struggle is part of becoming responsible.

Parenthood often looks nothing like what you pictured—and that’s normal.

Mel describes imagining “a Norman Rockwell painting” of calm family moments, then realizing parenthood is “better and worse at the same time,” with unpredictability and intensity she didn’t anticipate. The conversation normalizes that the reality can differ sharply from expectations.

When childbirth doesn’t go as planned, the emotional impact can linger into later parenting.

Mel recounts Sawyer’s birth as a medical emergency (vacuum delivery, placenta tearing, bleeding, surgery) and emphasizes that despite wanting a “beautiful birth experience,” “sometimes things go wrong.” She notes being better prepared for Kendall’s birth after understanding prior medical issues.

Breaking generational patterns starts with noticing reactivity and building regulation tools over time.

Mel explains she wanted to be “calmer” and “less reactive” than the mood-uncertainty she felt growing up, but says she didn’t have tools earlier in life and carried stress into the household. She connects her reactivity to a sensitive, high-alert nervous system and describes ongoing work (therapy tools, meditation).

The first step to becoming less reactive is deciding you’re done with the pattern.

Mel says change begins when you decide you no longer want to be emotionally reactive, rather than cycling through blowups, blaming stress, and apologizing. She urges not waiting until becoming a parent to practice responding instead of reacting.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

I believe that I got wrong is underestimating how capable you are and reinforcing the message that you can handle it, and that you, that there's a, there's a certain amount of struggle that is necessary for you to grow and become an adult and to become responsible for yourself and a life that you want.

— Mel Robbins

It's better and worse at the same time.

— Mel Robbins

When you make a decision that you no longer want to be this version of yourself, that's the first step to changing.

— Mel Robbins

Just how str- much stress I'm under right now, and how hard I'm trying, and that I don't mean to be bitchy or have a terrible tone of voice.

— Mel Robbins

Instead of coming down and being like, "Hey, I need a hug," or, "I need to be alone right now," or, "I need to work for six more hours." And just asking right up front for what you need- versus assuming that everyone knows what you need.

— Sawyer

Raising capable, independent kidsExpectations vs. reality of parenthoodTraumatic birth experience and fear in later pregnanciesGenerational patterns and mood sensitivityEmotional flooding, shutdown, and conflict dynamicsGottman-style notepad pause techniqueAsking directly for what you need in family relationships

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