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The Mel Robbins PodcastHow Did Your Parents Mess You Up? My Daughter Got Brutally Honest About What I Got Wrong
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EVERY SPOKEN WORD
45 min read · 8,756 words- 0:00 – 2:48
Meet the Guest
- MRMel Robbins
The last episode that we dropped, you asked me a bazillion questions about love and relationships.
- SASawyer
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
So this episode, what topic are we covering?
- SASawyer
We are covering parenthood. What parts of your own childhood did you want to recreate for your kids?
- MRMel Robbins
Playing in the front yard before and after dinner.
- SASawyer
What was your first thought when you saw me come out of the womb? What surprised you most about becoming a mom? What did you deliberately want to do differently from your own parents? What would you do differently if you could parent us all over again?
- MRMel Robbins
Mm. That's a great question.
- SASawyer
What's one thing me, Kendall, and Oakley each individually have taught you about yourself?
- MRMel Robbins
So Oakley almost dying when he was five days old, I think, like, really taught me how much I wanted to be a mom. [upbeat music] Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. I am so excited that you're here. I am sitting in the TV room at my house in Vermont. Our eldest daughter, Sawyer Robbins, who's the co-author of The Let Them Theory, is here with me, and I'm fired up for what we're gonna do today because you have a ton of questions that you've gathered from friends, from family members, from listeners around the world, Sawyer.
- SASawyer
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
And we're gonna rapid-fire through them today, and I know that you're gonna hear something or laugh at something or learn something, and you're gonna think, "Oh, my gosh, I've never thought about it that way." Or you're gonna think of somebody that you love and go, "I need to send them this episode right now." And so I'm thrilled that you're here. And if you're new or somebody shared this with you, welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast family. All right, Sawyer, let's just jump right into this.
- SASawyer
Hi, everyone. I'm Sawyer Robbins. I mustered up all these new parenting questions from friends, family, my siblings, my significant other about advice we want on parenting.
- MRMel Robbins
Okay, now, I'm not a parenting expert.
- SASawyer
Correct.
- MRMel Robbins
But you have experienced my parenting [laughs]
- SASawyer
[laughs]
- MRMel Robbins
So would you like to go on the record and at least, like, give some background? Because I just wanna make sure that as you're listening, you know this is your friend Mel-
- SASawyer
Yes
- MRMel Robbins
... uh, sharing mistakes made, perspectives gained, things that I did well, things that I didn't do well, but, you know, zero to 10, how did I do? Throw out the seven.
- SASawyer
Mel did... With what she could, she was a nine. Sh-
- MRMel Robbins
What?
- SASawyer
Yes.
- MRMel Robbins
Not an eight?
- SASawyer
No. You are s- You were such a good parent, and we're gonna-
- MRMel Robbins
Wow
- SASawyer
... start off with-
- MRMel Robbins
Ooh
- SASawyer
... the first question
- 2:48 – 3:58
How to Raise Capable, Independent Kids
- SASawyer
today. What do you think parents get wrong about preparing their children for adulthood?
- MRMel Robbins
I believe that I got wrong is underestimating how capable you are and reinforcing the message that you can handle it, and that you, that there's a, there's a certain amount of struggle that is necessary for you to grow and become an adult and to become responsible for yourself and a life that you want. And what I probably got wrong and what I always work on is the balance between standing on the sideline and making sure you know that I'm here to support you, and not rescuing you from the things that are challenging about life, but reminding you that you are capable-
- SASawyer
Mm-hmm
- MRMel Robbins
... of figuring it out. You're capable of, of navigating your way through these challenges. You're capable of learning how to make more money. You're capable of dealing with friend drama. You're capable of figuring out your career-
- SASawyer
Mm-hmm
- MRMel Robbins
... learning from your mistakes. I don't... I'm, I'm not stepping in and solving it, 'cause it robs you-
- SASawyer
Mm-hmm
- MRMel Robbins
... of growth.
- 3:58 – 4:58
The Truth About Becoming a Parent
- SASawyer
Before becoming a parent, what did you imagine parenthood would be like?
- MRMel Robbins
Um, before I became a parent, I imagined that parenthood would probably be like a Norman Rockwell painting, lots of time for coloring and playing and pushing on the swings, lots of calm, happy moments. [laughs] Everything just sort of flowing and, um, it's really not like that at all. It's better and worse at the same time.
- SASawyer
What surprised you most about becoming a mom?
- MRMel Robbins
My nipples.
- SASawyer
[laughs]
- MRMel Robbins
They turned into sausages that were spraying milk like a spigot. It's disgusting. They, like, literally get, like, this big and this... It's just, ugh, God. They go back.
- SASawyer
[laughs]
- MRMel Robbins
Not, not to the full form, but they go back.
- SASawyer
[laughs]
- 4:58 – 8:31
When Childbirth Doesn’t Go as Planned
- SASawyer
What was your first thought when you saw me come out of the womb?
- MRMel Robbins
Thank God it's over. [laughs]
- SASawyer
[laughs] That's a good answer.
- MRMel Robbins
Well, you had to be vacuumed out of me. You were two weeks late, and you did not wanna come into this world. You were gonna come in on your own time, damn it, and they had to, uh, jumpstart the labor with Pitocin, and it was a particularly busy night at Mass General Brigham in Boston, and, uh, everything went wrong that could've gone wrong. Everything. I remember my mother hitting the button on the wall and sc- because I was screaming in pain, and they had done three epidural attempts. It was, like, 1:00 in the morning, and I was just a mess, and she hit the button on the wall. Everybody came running, and, uh, they had to vacuum you out, and then the placenta tore, and I started bleeding out. So I don't actually remember you coming out. I remember being wheeled out to surgery, and I was gone for two and a half hours- Before I got wheeled back in, and I was so out of it, um, that I don't even remember coming back into the room. I remember waking up in the room the next morning, I guess it was morning by then, and they brought you in. That's what I remember. Everything went wrong that could've gone wrong, except for one thing, you. That's what went right. You were perfect. You were truly perfect.
- SASawyer
Thanks, Mom. That's crazy that that all happened. I don't think I fully knew that full story.
- MRMel Robbins
Yeah.
- SASawyer
I, I knew the vacuum.
- MRMel Robbins
Yes.
- SASawyer
I knew that you lost a lot of blood, and then you went into postpartum, but I didn't realize that you immediately went into surgery and then woke up, like, without having known what basically had happened.
- MRMel Robbins
They basically handed you to Dad, who was in a state of shock, and everyone was super traumatized by how, like, much of an emergency it was.
- SASawyer
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
And, um, my mom, and they sat and waited alone in the delivery room-
- SASawyer
Oh my gosh
- MRMel Robbins
... until I got wheeled back in, and I was basically, like, my skin was, like, the color of a dolphin. I had lost so much blood. I was gray. Yeah. I had really wanted and planned for this beautiful birth experience. Like, I, I, I wanted to go natural. I don't know why. Um, but I had a midwife. We were also at a hospital. We had taken all the classes, and it just, sometimes that happens. And so I was really scared when I got pregnant with Kendall, and w- we knew some of the medical issues that had gone wrong, so we were able to prepare for them, and her birth was, like, just flawless. And I don't say that because there's a competition. I just say it because sometimes things go wrong, and that's why you wanna be in a major medical facility, at least for your first birth, so you know what you're dealing with, 'cause everybody's bodies are different, and every birth is different. And there's this magical thing that happens in your body. I don't know what it is. Some doctor can explain it, but it's true. You forget. 'Cause I think if, if women did not forget the pain of childbirth, none of us would have children, not a second one. But you forget, and it's worth, it's worth it all, and a hundredfold worth it, a thousandfold, infinitely worth it.
- 8:31 – 13:21
How to Break Generational Parenting Patterns
- SASawyer
What parts of your own childhood did you want to recreate for your kids?
- MRMel Robbins
Playing in the front yard before and after dinner.
- SASawyer
I love that.
- MRMel Robbins
I loved being outside and playing games on our lawn. I loved it. I especially loved it at dusk.
- SASawyer
We did that a lot. What did you deliberately want to do differently from your own parents?
- MRMel Robbins
Um, you know, I don't know that I was able to do this, but I really wanted to be, uh, a little calmer, a little less reactive. I didn't achieve it, but, um, I think it's a very common experience to feel like... I, I've even heard my own mother talk about this, feeling like I had no idea what mood my mother was gonna be in, and don't even get me started about my grandmother. And knowing what it must have felt like for her being in a big, raucous family with a grandmother who literally is going to an institution and would come back after shock therapy and then, you know, be a little nicer, but was mean. Um, I think a lot of people have an experience like that. And even when your parents don't mean to be stressed out, you can be a really sensitive kid, which I was. And so I really wanted to just have a household that felt light and fun. And, and mine even was growing up, but there were... I remember being nervous a lot, and nervous about people's moods, and nervous that people were upset. And I didn't wanna put that on my kids, and I know that I did, and I know that I still do. It's, it's definitely something that I work on a lot, and it's very challenging because if you really think about it, like, you're inside your mother, and whatever state she's in, I believe this. I believe the medical experts that are now talking about the fact that the state of your mother when you were inside of her has an enormous impact on the way that your nervous system works. And how could it not? If your mom was under stress, if your mom, you know, was going through anything, of course it's gonna impact you. And I happen to have a extremely reactive nervous system. Like, the, the second something seems off, I'm on high alert. The second somebody's mood is, uh, angry, I'm, like, amplifying. The second there's something stressful at work, like, I get very agitated, and I don't wanna be that way. And so I didn't have the tools when I was younger. Nobody went to therapy in their 20s 30 years ago. Nobody could afford it. Nobody knew a therapist either, and there were no resources. Like, you don't, you don't go to the self-help section at the public library 30 years ago because you would seem like a nutcase. You kept it private, which means you suffered in private. And I was in this constant loop with myself where I would wake up and be like, "Okay, you can do it." And then l- the stress of life would take over, and I'd snap at you kids, and then I'd apologize, and I'd feel like the world's shittiest mother. Or I'd be mad at your dad 'cause we were struggling financially, and I was mad at him because he couldn't get his career together, and I felt a ton of pressure, which is kinda similar to a lot of the pressure I feel now, come to think of it, that it's all on me. And, um, it really triggers me.
- SASawyer
Mm-hmm. I have a question.
- MRMel Robbins
Yeah.
- SASawyer
So, 'cause I myself am also reactive, and I-
- MRMel Robbins
Are you nervous?
- SASawyer
I'm also reactive. I blow up. I get very emotionally flooded, and then I go silent.
- MRMel Robbins
Uh-huh.
- SASawyer
And I can't process my emotions fast enough to be able to communicate properly, and so I stay silent, and then I just blow up. And I've noticed this pattern in me. I will not say where it has derived from, but when I think about my own, [laughs] like my own path and my own journey of becoming a mother, what can I do from now until then to help ease that even though I don't have kids to practice with or et cetera? Obviously, I have you and other people who I'm reactive with, but I'm in therapy, I have tools, but like I still have not mastered that.
- MRMel Robbins
Do you want me to listen?
- SASawyer
[laughs]
- MRMel Robbins
Or do you want advice?
- SASawyer
Great work. She's learning. Um, no, I want advice. Like I, I, I know that it has taken you a lifetime, and you're still working on it, and I know it will take me a lifetime, and I'm still working
- 13:21 – 22:19
How to Respond Instead of React
- SASawyer
on it, but like I guess my ask is what is the w- number one thing that has helped you?
- MRMel Robbins
Well, the number one thing that has helped me not be as emotionally reactive as I used to be-
- SASawyer
Mm-hmm
- MRMel Robbins
... is recognizing and making a dec- recognizing that I didn't want to be. When you make a decision that you no longer want to be this version of yourself, that's the first step to changing, and being in the cycle where you continue to be emotionally reactive, and then if you're like me, you blame it at work, and then you apologize, and then you're emotionally reactive, and then you blame it on the stress of work or the stress of your parents or your stress of childcare or whatever it may be. You're just in a pattern, but you have not made a decision to change it.
- SASawyer
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
Do not wait until you are a parent to try to change this.
- SASawyer
Mm.
- MRMel Robbins
Your everyday life right now provides the opportunity for you to become less reactive, and one of the gifts of having a lot of emotional sensitivity is you're a deeply feeling person. You have incredible instincts. You care very deeply.
- SASawyer
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
It's a matter of going from zero to 100 in a nanosecond and not being able to get yourself back down to a 50.
- SASawyer
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
That's the issue. It's recognizing when it's happening and you're hitting 100, and then it is finding tools that get you to a 50 faster and without harming or sliming-
- SASawyer
Oh, cute
- MRMel Robbins
... other people around you. And so number one, make a decision that you don't wanna be that way. Number two, if I were doing this in my 20s, I would borrow... May I, may I quote one of the experts on the podcast-
- SASawyer
Yes
- MRMel Robbins
... for this purpose? Okay.
- SASawyer
Always.
- MRMel Robbins
So I love the Gottmans, Gottman Institute, one of the most esteemed and respected and renowned researchers in the world on relationships, and they've been married for 40 years. And when they came on the podcast, it was like literally interviewing The Muppets.
- SASawyer
I know. I-
- MRMel Robbins
Like a married couple. They were so cute
- SASawyer
I remember
- MRMel Robbins
... I just wanna squeeze them. And they role-played all of these scenarios-
- SASawyer
Mm-hmm
- MRMel Robbins
... where somebody gets emotionally agitated, and that would be me, I'm a volcano, and the other person gets emotionally flooded and shuts down. That's you and your father.
- SASawyer
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
And if you're a person that's a volcano like me, and you get agitated, and you're dealing with somebody like you who shuts down, your shutdown makes me more agitated 'cause I feel more alone.
- SASawyer
I know. [laughs]
- MRMel Robbins
And that just scares you more 'cause you start going, "There's nothing I can do here. I don't know what to do here," which is exactly what happens to your dad.
- SASawyer
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
And we've been dealing with this dynamic for 30 years. This is incredibly common in couples. 'Cause if you think about it, two volcanoes together is an explosive relationship.
- 22:19 – 34:50
How to Be Brave When You’re Scared
- SASawyer
What's one thing me, Kendall, and Oakley each individually have taught you about yourself?
- MRMel Robbins
Hmm. This is a great question. Well, let me, let me start, uh, with Oakley. So, um, so Oakley almost dying when he was five days old I think, like, really taught me how much I wanted to be a mom, um, and how much you can love somebody at just five days, you know? And, uh, he is such a light. Like, even, even in the n- in the NICU, um, those big blue eyeballs, um, and he's still like that. Um, he has taught me to, um, be in a good mood for no reason. That's what Oaks taught me. Um, Kendall, [laughs] who I would say I'm probably the most... She and I are the most similar. Um, I think she's just, she's really shown me, like, what it's like when you have a deep calling, and you have no choice but to follow it. Like, I am I am extremely moved and proud of her for pushing through all of her fears and pursuing a very, very difficult career of wanting to be a recording artist and a musician and a singer-songwriter. And, um, just watching her do it on her own and figure it out and wake up every day and chart a path in a career that doesn't have one, and to know, as she says, there's no plan B. Like, she is a burn the boats person, and she's definitely taught me that, um, a lot of success in life, uh, and a lot of meaning in life comes from having something that means a lot to you that you're committed to no matter what, through all the doubt, through the ups and downs. Um, she's definitely, uh, taught me a lot about that. And also, I think what a gift it is to share your gifts with people. Like, I, I have this friend, uh, Carl, who says, "You know, when you get to heaven, you gotta make sure your pockets are empty." You got a lot of gifts to give in this lifetime, whether it's your smile or a book you're gonna write or, in her case, a song that you're meant to sing. Do not get to heaven with your pockets full. You wanna give your gifts while you're here. And so that sounds straightforward, but it's not always that straightforward. There's a lot that you have to confront in order to feel worthy of the gifts that you wanna give, to give yourself permission to give those gifts, to keep giving the gift even when nobody wants to receive it, um, to see the value in it when maybe nobody else does. Huh. And then that brings me to you, Soy, um, and what you've taught me. You have taught me to be brave. Like, I cannot believe the things that you have taken on. I, I, I cannot believe it. And, and, and the, the other thing you've taught me is having conviction about something. I remember in seventh grade, we went to visit your grandmother, JJ, and she was living for four months in Cambodia, teaching English at an elementary school. This was what she did to find purpose after losing her husband, your grandfather, of 40 years. And we went over there to visit her, and we came back and you turned to us and you said, "I wanna go back and go back to Cambodia." And we're like, "Well, that's great. That was a once in a decade trip, dude. Like, calm down. [laughs] We don't have the money. We're-- That was a once in a lifetime trip. We're not doing that again."
- SASawyer
[laughs]
- MRMel Robbins
And then you were like, "No, no, no. I'm going to the principal," and, "Uh, no, I don't think you understand. I'm going." And then you did it again when you said, when I graduated from college, "I am traveling solo around Asia." And you worked for three years and you saved all the money, and then to my complete horror, you and your backpack-
- SASawyer
Mm-hmm
- MRMel Robbins
... got on a plane. And what I also love about you is that you, you have the courage of the conviction, and then you make it happen and you spend the first three days hyperventilating and crying.
- SASawyer
Yep. Always.
- MRMel Robbins
Talk to me about that.
- SASawyer
I feel like I'm so-- I know exactly what I want a lot of the time, and I think about those things for years. So, like, the Asia thing when I was 13, that was just a very rare, like, I have to do this in my body soul. Like, I am gonna make this happen. I'm gonna homeschool myself. I'm going to go to the principal. I'm going to go for four months and teach English to Cambodian kids. I'm gonna bring all my textbooks. Like, that was-- I think set me on a very clear trajectory of always putting myself out there and-
- MRMel Robbins
And then just to be clear, for the first two weeks, we did Zoom calls every day where you would be sobbing uncontrollably in this very dark hotel room. And I felt like the world's worst mother, and then I started to have nightmares. What happens if JJ dies and she's over there alone? There is nobody el- What am I doing? I have sent my daughter to Cambodia with a 77-year-old. What kind of mother am I? Like, what? What happens if something ha- She has epilepsy. What, what, what if she has a se- Like, and then I started... But anyway, within two weeks, you were a different person.
- SASawyer
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
You weren't crying.
- SASawyer
I think that I always, like, panic. I can get myself there. I can get myself on the plane. I can get myself to do the hard thing. I can get myself in the chair, but once I'm sitting there for the first r-i- it's finally then that I realize that I'm doing it, and then all the fear and all the angst and all the reality of it happening hits me then-
- MRMel Robbins
Mm
- SASawyer
... versus before-
- MRMel Robbins
Mm
- SASawyer
... my decision.
- MRMel Robbins
What a gift.
- SASawyer
And so then I have to, like, own my decision 'cause I'm sitting in it, and I think that there's a lot of experiences in my life that have made me sat in those experiences-
- MRMel Robbins
Yeah
- SASawyer
... whether it's Cambodia, whether it's going to camp and crying for two weeks straight and sending letters home because I have no technology that, like, I hate my life, pick me up. And then after two weeks, I'm like, "I love it. Don't pick me up." And there's just, like, a lot of experiences that I've put myself in that have forced me to move through those really hard moments in the beginning, but I always know that I'm better off for it in the end.
- MRMel Robbins
You know what's really cool about this is that it kinda shows you there's two types of people, and y-
- SASawyer
It's the same thing about going on tour.
- MRMel Robbins
What do you mean?
- SASawyer
When I literally cried myself, like, to sleep for two weeks straight w- when we went on tour for the first time and the second time because I was so nervous about speaking on stage. But I had already committed. I had already planned the whole tour. I had already gotten all the content together. Like, we had co-created this, and then it was the night before where I'm About to go out on stage where I have a full-blown
- MRMel Robbins
Diarrhea attack
- SASawyer
... hyperventilating, panic, screaming attack.
- MRMel Robbins
It was so bad that in the morning in Australia, I actually thought, "Okay, she's, she needs to go home. Like, she can't do this."
- SASawyer
Yeah, but-
- MRMel Robbins
I'm gonna have to do this entire thing on my own, and it's a tour that's written for two people.
- 34:50 – 50:45
How to Ask for What You Need
- SASawyer
What do you hope I understand about you as my mom that I may not fully understand yet?
- MRMel Robbins
Just how str- much stress I'm under right now, and how hard I'm trying, and that I don't mean to be bitchy or have a terrible tone of voice. It's actually the one thing I don't want to be is harsh and hostile, and to take my emotions out on you guys, and you're not... It's not your fault, and it's not your responsibility to fix the things that are stressing me out, or to make me happy, or to calm me down. Um, and I apologize that for a lot of your life, you probably felt like you had to walk on eggshells, or you were tired of having a mom and you didn't know what mood she was gonna be in, or you were bracing as I was walking in the door because nine times out of 10 I was stressed or pissed off at your dad because we were struggling. And I wish I could have handled that better, because, as a child, it's not fair that I put my adult stress on you, and I'm still working at it.
- SASawyer
You've come such a long way, though. Like, truly. And I've seen you put in all the work. I've seen you regulate your nervous system. I've seen you use the tools that you've been given from your therapist. [laughs] And she's meditating every single morning and night to try to calm it down. So I do really wanna give you credit for continuing to work at it, and no one's perfect, and like you said, everyone does the best job that they can with what they were given, and you have done the best job you have been able to do with what you were given. [laughs]
- MRMel Robbins
Okay. Well, I am horrified whenever I experience myself acting in a hostile or reactive way, because it's the last thing I want to be.
- SASawyer
Mm-hmm
- MRMel Robbins
And I don't want to leave people in a state where they're nervous around what kind of mood I'm gonna be in. And it's a hard thing to manage when you're going through a very stressful period in your life or career, which I am right now.
- SASawyer
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
And so it's very much front of mind.
- SASawyer
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
And I think you guys see me as somebody who's, like, super strong and very opinionated and bulldozing through life, and that's my outside demeanor. Like, when I come home, I am still wanna have fun. I still-- I need hugs. I need more compliments. I, you know, want to have more girl time-
- SASawyer
Mm-hmm
- MRMel Robbins
... and be softer with each other. And you guys favor Dad so much and lift Dad up, and he's an amazing human, and I lift him up, too, and he's my favorite person. And I also imagine that because I get so much public, like, attention, that you're compensating for what Dad may not be receiving, and it does feel a little bit like he's everybody's favorite and I'm the monster.
- SASawyer
Mm-hmm. Well, I thank you for sharing that, and I know you've shared that forever. And I am sorry that you feel that way, and I think that me, Kendall, and Oakley, we are never intending to make you feel on the outside, or making-- It, it is never our intention to make you feel like Dad's our favorite. I think that we have grown up receiving love from you and Dad in very different ways.
- MRMel Robbins
Mm-hmm.
- SASawyer
You, because your mother did this, your love growing up was gifts.
- MRMel Robbins
Yes.
- SASawyer
Your love growing up was solving problems. Your love growing up was, "Let's go on a big shopping spree." That is how you showed your love. So we learned that if we want something, go to Mom. It is very hard to rewire that, and so if you want that to change, then let's talk about it and let's work on it. But that is in our nervous system. When we grew up with Dad, Dad's-- The way in which Dad showed us love was listening. He was also the stay-at-home parent, so he was with us 24/7, and as a result, for anything that's joyful or news or whatever, we go to him because he listens. You are a practical problem solver.
- MRMel Robbins
Yes.
- SASawyer
And he is a passive problem solver.
- MRMel Robbins
What does that mean? I love this. Okay.
- SASawyer
You are a practical problem solver. I come to you for tasks.
- MRMel Robbins
Yes.
- SASawyer
I come to you for check boxes.
- MRMel Robbins
Yep.
- SASawyer
Because I know-
- MRMel Robbins
It checks.
- SASawyer
It checks. I would-
- MRMel Robbins
It checks. [laughs]
- SASawyer
I would never go to Dad for a doctor's appointment. I would never go to Dad for a medical reason. Whenever I've been in the hospital or anything, which has been, like, twice, but, like, I've called you. Like, you are for emergencies. You are for flights. You are for, like, I need shit to get done. I trust Mom. I don't trust Dad.
- MRMel Robbins
[laughs]
- 50:45 – 53:06
Your Emotions Don’t Have to Control You
- SASawyer
conversation. Is there anything that I need to do differently as your daughter?
- MRMel Robbins
Um, my wish for you, and you're already doing it-
- SASawyer
Mm-hmm
- MRMel Robbins
... is to really go to town and attack that emotional flooding that happens.
- SASawyer
So exactly what you need to do also. [laughs]
- MRMel Robbins
Pretty much, because I basically made your nervous system.
- SASawyer
[laughs]
- MRMel Robbins
So with a combination of Dad's DNA-
- SASawyer
Mm-hmm
- MRMel Robbins
... plus you being in my body, and the birth was pretty scary, so God knows, like, what happened there. But I, I feel that if you... It's, what a gift that you, at the age of 27, can be talking about this and recognizing this in yourself. And so I would say stay focused on that, and the rest of your life will work out, because you will not be ruled by your emotions. You will feel them, but you will be able to communicate through them, and think through them-
- SASawyer
Mm-hmm
- MRMel Robbins
... and choose how to respond, rather than having them run you over the way they have my whole life. That's what's my life has been like for 50-plus years.
- SASawyer
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
And that's why I'm working hard to not have it be like that.
- SASawyer
Amazing. I love you. Thank you so much.
- MRMel Robbins
Thank you. And thank you, Mr. Noodle, for staying on my lap, and thank you. Thank you for being here with me and Sawyer. Thank you for listening to this. Thank you for sharing it with your daughter, or your mother, or your sister, or anybody in your life that you care deeply about. And, um, in case nobody else tells you, as your friend, I'm gonna tell you that I love you, and I believe in you, and I believe in your ability to create a better life. And so I hope that there was something that we shared today that resonated, that was helpful, that you're walking away from this conversation feeling closer to yourself and having something that you can start to practice or share with somebody else. And, um, that's it. Thank you for watching all the way to the end here on YouTube. If that Subscribe button is lit up, it's the best way you could support your friend Mel Robbins and our team here. Just hit Subscribe. It's free. It tells us that you love The Mel Robbins Podcast, and the fact that you can watch it here for free on YouTube. Thank you for doing that, and I know you wanna watch another episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast. You're gonna love this one, and I'll welcome you in the moment you hit play.
Episode duration: 53:15
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Transcript of episode aSBVMA28RHw
