The Mel Robbins Podcast

How to Build Closer Friendships & Get Rid Of Loneliness

Order your copy of The Let Them Theory 👉 https://melrob.co/let-them-theory 👈 The #1 Best Selling Book of 2025 🔥 Discover how much power you truly have. It all begins with two simple words. Let Them. — Why is adult friendship so hard? Today, Mel is finally having the conversation on how to find your people, have more fun, and create meaningful friendships as an adult. In this deeply relatable episode, you’ll learn the 5 lies that you tell yourself about friendship that are keeping you from having the best relationships of your life—and the truths you must know. If you’ve been feeling lonely, left out, or just like your friendships are not as strong as they used to be, you’ll feel empowered and encouraged by the time you finish listening. Mel is giving you her exact 3-step playbook for finding, making, and strengthening your relationships. This is an encore episode with new and exciting insights from Mel at the top of the episode, that is packed with tools, tips, and scripts to create more meaningful friendships. For more resources related to today’s episode, click here for the podcast episode page: www.melrobbins.com/podcasts/episode-186 Follow The Mel Robbins Podcast on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themelrobbinspodcast I’m just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is NOT intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I’ll see you in the next episode. 00:00:00 Intro 00:01:18 Do you make this same mistake while scrolling through social media? 00:03:28 If you're doing this, you're sabotaging your friendships. 00:05:17 If you take away anything from this episode, let this be it. 00:08:26 The first lie you tell yourself that’s preventing true friendship. 00:10:34 We all do this, and it makes you feel like a loser. 00:12:55 You don’t need a lot of friends; you only need THIS type of friend. 00:17:38 This Ivy League research reveals why you hesitate reaching out to new friends. 00:19:53 You’ve been lying to yourself since childhood about this type of friendship. 00:23:05 Holding on to old friendships that no longer work? 00:26:42 If you’re a people pleaser, you need to start doing this instead. 00:31:46 Use this tool to become flexible in your friendships. 00:36:19 How many hours it takes to make a new friend, according to research. 00:44:12 Do this one thing every day to strengthen your friendships. — Follow Mel: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melrobbins/ TikTok: http://tiktok.com/@melrobbins Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/melrobbins LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melrobbins Website: http://melrobbins.com — Sign up for Mel’s newsletter: https://melrob.co/sign-up-newsletter A note from Mel to you, twice a week, sharing simple, practical ways to build the life you want. — Subscribe to Mel’s channel here: https://www.youtube.com/melrobbins?sub_confirmation=1 — Listen to The Mel Robbins Podcast 🎧 New episodes drop every Monday & Thursday! https://melrob.co/spotify https://melrob.co/applepodcasts https://melrob.co/amazonmusic — Looking for Mel’s books on Amazon? Find them here: The Let Them Theory: https://amzn.to/3IQ21Oe The Let Them Theory Audiobook: https://amzn.to/413SObp The High 5 Habit: https://amzn.to/3fMvfPQ The 5 Second Rule: https://amzn.to/4l54fah

Mel RobbinshostGuestguest

Jun 24, 202448mWatch on YouTube ↗

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

Stop Believing These Five Lies That Are Sabotaging Adult Friendships

Mel Robbins unpacks why adult friendships feel so hard and lonely, especially in the age of social media, and identifies five core “lies” that keep people stuck and isolated. She explains how comparison, self-doubt, outdated ideas about “best friends forever,” people-pleasing, and “I’m too busy” thinking all prevent meaningful connection. Drawing on research and personal stories, she reframes friendship as flexible, seasonal, and built through deliberate effort. Robbins then offers three simple tools to start building closer friendships: a new friendship framework, a mindset shift backed by research, and small daily habits that make connection easier.

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

Stop believing that “everyone else’s life is a party.”

Social media shows a curated highlight reel, not reality; constant comparison makes you feel left out and unworthy, which erodes the motivation to initiate plans or deepen existing friendships.

If you want a social life, you must actively create it.

Instead of waiting to be invited, take responsibility: host something, suggest plans, or be the person who reaches out—your social life is not a group project.

Challenge the lie that “people don’t like me.”

Research on the “liking gap” shows we systematically underestimate how much others like us; assuming people do like you will make you far more likely to reach out and engage.

Redefine “BFF”: friendships are flexible, not forever by default.

Friends naturally come and go as your priorities, locations, and life stages change; seeing friendships as flexible and seasonal relieves pressure and creates room for new, better-aligned connections.

You are not meant to be everyone’s friend—and that’s healthy.

Trying to be universally liked turns you into a people pleaser who contorts to fit others; embracing your authentic “peach” self attracts people who genuinely match your energy and values.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

When you're an adult, friendship is no longer a group sport.

— Mel Robbins

If you want your life to be a party, start throwing them.

— Chris Robbins (quoted by Mel Robbins)

People like you more than you think, so you better start acting like it.

— Mel Robbins

You can be the whole package, but if you're delivered to the wrong address, it’s not gonna work.

— Mel Robbins

Best friends aren’t always forever… best friends are flexible.

— Mel Robbins

The impact of social media and comparison on lonelinessFive common lies we tell ourselves about friendshipResearch-backed insights on how much people actually like us (the liking gap)Flexibility in friendships: reason, season, and lifetime frameworkLetting go of people-pleasing and needing everyone to like youThe myth of being “too busy” and the importance of effortPractical tools and habits for initiating and nurturing adult friendships

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