The Mel Robbins PodcastHow to Get From Here to There: A Framework for Creating the Life You Want | The Mel Robbins Podcast
EVERY SPOKEN WORD
95 min read · 19,316 words- 0:00 – 3:37
Intro
- MRMel Robbins
(ticking clock) (upbeat music) You asked me kind of, what's an example of a North Star for me, and that's The Rock. It seems like anything he's interested in, he's like, whoop, pivot, energy drink. Whoop, pivot, we're doing shoes. I love that about him.
- AEAmy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode)
You're fired up, like-
- MRMel Robbins
Oh.
- AEAmy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode)
I- I think this is a good example of like North Stardom.
- MRMel Robbins
I wanna commence that.
- KRKendall Robbins
Yes, this process works, but you've gotta trust that even if The Rock is your North Star, if it pulls you in a completely different direction, you've just gotta trust that if you stay in the process and you stay present and you stay grateful, it's gonna lead you to where you need to go. (upbeat music)
- MRMel Robbins
Hey, welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. Oh, I didn't even tell you who I am. It's Mel Robbins, your friend. And welcome. Let's do this thing. (laughs) I'm all spun around. I'm sorry. I have had one hell of a weekend. I was in Tampa on Friday, and I was giving the opening keynote at an event that my publisher, HayHouse, was putting on. First event that they've put on in three years. The theme was, "I Can Do It," and when they told me that my keynote was gonna begin at around 8:00, my first thought was, "I can't do that." I am in bed by 9:00 PM. I'm basically a great-grandmother at this point when it comes to how tired I get at the end of the day, but I rallied, and so I got on that stage, and I delivered a really great talk about this sentence, "I can do it," and I wanna share with you, 'cause I think it was kinda genius, I did this on the plane on the way down, of course, because I am the queen of cramming. I wanna break down this simple sentence, "I can do it." So, the reason why this is such a powerful sentence is because every single word has a very important meaning for you. "I" refers to the fact that you're personally responsible for your life. No one's coming. It's up to you, and as soon as you embrace this very scary notion that, "I am responsible for what happens next in my life," you will start taking responsibility for how you spend your time and what you do and the goals that you have, and so that's really important, "I can." "Can" is all about belief. "I can." "I can" means you believe that you can do it, and so take responsibility, believe in yourself, do. I'm the queen of do. Not doodoo, but do, and "do" means you gotta do something. It's not enough to believe. It's not enough to say you're responsible. At some point, you gotta put your money where your mouth is, and you gotta put your ass on the line. And you gotta take action. And now, the last word, "it." "I can do it." What is "it"? If you don't have an "it," you don't have shit. Not that poetic, but it's true. The "it" represents your North Star, and what I've found over the years is that almost everyone who gets stuck or feels lost or is just wanting to make a change, they're missing one of these four things. Either you're not taking responsibility for your life, or you don't believe in yourself, or you're not taking action, or you have no North Star, or all four of them in some cases, and today, I wanna talk to you about the importance of a North Star.
- 3:37 – 9:12
What is a north star and how do you find yours?
- MRMel Robbins
What is it? What is a North Star in your life? And I'm gonna give you a couple examples of two North Stars that I have, one that has been a North Star forever, namely, it's The Rock. I'm just gonna come right out and tell you. It's, it's, it's The Rock. The Rock is a North Star for me, and I'll explain more as we jump into this. And the other North Star? It is a woman I just met, literally just met. Hi, Michelle. I'd never met her before in my entire life, and she came walking up to me in the lobby, and she was in the audience. She shared a story about how she is a major fan of this podcast and that she just completed a fricking, is it an Ironman? A marathon? Something insane that I am not, at least right now, in shape to do, and that she listened to the podcast as a way to, to keep her going for the race and for her training, and when I tell you, Michelle immediately became my North Star, as a woman in her late 50s, taking names, kicking ass, biceps like completely grilled, taut, juicy Italian sausage links. Not like these flabby sockers that I've got that look like fricking meat wings, and she had beautiful... Like, she just was so ripped and vibrant, and I'm standing there trying to squeeze my butt cheeks together so that they don't hang like flabby pancakes on the back of my pants. North Star, Michelle, thank you, thank you, thank you, and that's the cool thing about North Stars. You don't have to know the person. They don't have to be famous, and you don't have to have every aspect of their life be something that is your North Star. It could be just one thing that they do or one aspect of their business, but there's so much power when you create a North Star for some area of your life, and you allow another person to be a beacon of inspiration and hope, and we're gonna unpack how you do that today, and to help me do that, I have invited Amy, who is a dear friend of mine. She is also one of the senior producers at 143 Studios. She's been on the podcast before. We know and love Amy.
- AEAmy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode)
Hey, everyone.
- MRMel Robbins
And I'm also inviting our daughter, Kendall. Our daughter just graduated from a really cool program at USC that is one of the only ones in the entire world that is dedicated to taking musicians and training them to become pop musicians.And Kendall just graduated from it. And the reason why I asked Kendall to be here is because Kendall has two North Stars for her career and for the kind of character that she has. And she has also just been through a curriculum, that she's gonna explain to you, that is grounded in three pillars. And when I learned about this just a couple of days ago, I thought, "Holy fucking shit." These three pillars of get a North Star and imitate the hell out of them, then assimilate what you're learning about your North Star into your day-to-day life, and then make it your own and innovate and go do you. That is how you close the gap between you and your North Star. Whether your North Star is a woman in a lobby at a hotel that's got ripped biceps and a big smile and lots of vibrancy and energy, or your North Star is somebody as enormous as The Rock or Beyoncé or James Patterson, or Colleen Hoover, the novelist that's taken off, or Taylor Swift, or anybody. Or maybe it's just somebody that has this amazing way about them. They always smile when you walk into the store. They're friendly, and there's something about their character that you love. Today, we're gonna break that down and we are going to learn from Kendall how to use this three-step curriculum as a framework for you to close the gap, so you can draw those qualities that you love into your life and make them your own. All right, let's do this. And Ken, let's just start by you telling everybody what is that North Star, that goal that you want to achieve in your career?
- KRKendall Robbins
I would like to be a professional recording and touring artist.
- MRMel Robbins
Great. One of the reasons why I wanted you to be in this conversation, Ken, is because you're in the middle of that process. You've just spent four years going through these three pillars in a program that is helping you get closer and closer and e- closer to achieving that goal. And for me personally, I love learning from people that are just steps ahead of me. It's so much more accessible to me when I see somebody that's been doing the work and they're on the road ahead of me. It's great that all these celebrities and recording artists and famous people get on these podcasts and tell us their stories, but oftentimes for me, when I'm looking at somebody that has already achieved the top of the top of the top, it feels so far away from me. And I wanted to talk to you because you've just spent four years working on this, and you're in the process, and you still have a lot to do to achieve what you want to achieve. And so, I just want to thank you for being here and for sharing, kind of, what you've learned and what you have yet to learn on this journey to becoming a professional recording and touring artist. And let's start with... Can you just explain to everybody a little bit about the past four years at USC and the three pillars of this creative process that you just learned?
- KRKendall Robbins
Okay, so
- 9:12 – 10:00
Kendall unpacks the 3 pillars for creating change
- KRKendall Robbins
I was a popular music vocalist at the Thornton School of Music, but the process that I'm about to explain to you is, is the underpinnings of the Thornton School of Music program and the basis of our entire curriculum, so I will give credit to Chris Sampson, the founder of the program. Love you. And he's the one that shined some light on this process for me, and gave it a name, and gave it context in my project, so thank you. In order to tell you how, I used a process/method that is the underpinnings of my entire program, it's what we do at Thornton for four years, and then we learn how to do it ourselves before we graduate so we can create whatever we want. And the process is three steps: emulation, assimilation, and innovation. That's literally it.
- MRMel Robbins
Okay, hold on a second. So, it's, so three steps are-
- KRKendall Robbins
Emulation-
- 10:00 – 10:42
Emulation: identifying YOUR north star
- KRKendall Robbins
- MRMel Robbins
Yeah.
- KRKendall Robbins
... which means to imitate, to match or surpass some kind of achievement that you want. So, that means pick something that you're inspired by, pick somewhere you want to go, pick somebody who has more money than you that you want, pick somebody that has a house you want, anything, a North Star, pick a North Star, and break it down. What does that thing have that you don't? Line it all out. So, for me, I picked Sara Bareilles and Brandy, who are two of my favorite artists, and I broke them down. They're both strong, powerful, fierce. They both can songwrite, they can sing, they can play instruments, they can arrange, they can produce, they're advocates, they are powerful in their career, they collaborate, those kinds of things. Once I broke them down, then it was time for me to assimilate, which is step two. And assimilate
- 10:42 – 18:30
Assimilation: 10,000 hour rule really works
- KRKendall Robbins
is the 10,000-hour rule. Step one, you find a North Star or it will find you.
- MRMel Robbins
Yes.
- KRKendall Robbins
Now, you're in emulation phase, and here are the three pillars.
- MRMel Robbins
Oh, you can't start emulation phase until you have a North Star?
- KRKendall Robbins
I don't think so.
- MRMel Robbins
Wow.
- KRKendall Robbins
You got to have somewhere to go.
- MRMel Robbins
Can you start the emulation process by simply saying, "I just don't want to be where I am?"
- KRKendall Robbins
Yes, but I think it gives you an anchor when you have somewhere to go, and I think that...
- MRMel Robbins
It could just be the opposite of where you are. (laughs) I mean, if, if I'm, if you're, if you're somebody who's... You, you know what I'm saying? Amy, what are you thinking?
- AEAmy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode)
I think the emulation phase is so brilliant, because picking the North Star is something I think a lot of people don't even realize they can do, you know? Like, they, they just feel like, "This is me. This is who I'm always gonna be. I can't change who I am. I'm not really sure about learning new skills." I... don't, they don't even think about, you know, doing the research, looking at other people, and I just think that alone is brilliant.
- KRKendall Robbins
Mm-hmm.
- AEAmy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode)
That alone gives you a life jacket, you know? That alone gives you that step up to... closer to the person who you want to become. Just knowing, like...
- MRMel Robbins
... your, number one, you can just look at them and, and figure out how they did it. Okay, brilliant. Like, duh.
- KRKendall Robbins
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
Like, okay.
- KRKendall Robbins
Or, or, I mean, it do- you, when... Say that your, the person you wanna be more like, your North Star, whatever you wanna call it, is Bill Gates. You might not wanna be exactly like him in all walks of life, but there might be one thing he does that you wanna emulate. Like, it doesn't have to be their entire persona. For me, for my specific project, it was, because I'm obsessed with and in love with their artistry-
- MRMel Robbins
(laughs)
- KRKendall Robbins
... which is what I wanna emulate. But for you, it can be one tiny sliver of somebody's character.
- MRMel Robbins
I have somebody like that. Do you have somebody like that, Amy?
- AEAmy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode)
I have a tiny sliver example, but I wanna hear yours.
- MRMel Robbins
No, I wanna hear yours first.
- AEAmy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode)
Well, I-
- MRMel Robbins
You look like you don't wanna say it out loud.
- AEAmy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode)
This is, now I'm like, "Why did I say this?"
- MRMel Robbins
(laughs)
- AEAmy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode)
Because I have to reveal my dirty secret, which is I used to watch the, um, Housewives series on Bravo, like, all the time.
- KRKendall Robbins
Really?
- AEAmy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode)
Yeah. Oh, yeah. That was, yeah. Um-
- KRKendall Robbins
Does our producer Andrea know this?
- 18:30 – 24:48
Innovation: create something of your own
- KRKendall Robbins
skills to be an arranger, and the skills to be an advocate, and the skills to be a collaborator, and a songwriter, and a singer, et cetera, I then went and created my own music. And inherently, it will have my own twist on it, and it will have my own flavors of Kendall Robbins on it that Brandy Norwood and Sara Bareilles will never have. But that's just the beauty of creating something of your own is that it will always be a reflection of you because you're the art. And I think this process of... I'm gonna line it out for you one more time.
- MRMel Robbins
(laughs)
- KRKendall Robbins
Emulation, number one. Assimilation, number two. Innovation, number three, is a process you can all use to get wherever you want in life, whether you're an interior designer, or you're a banker, or you're a mom, or you're a sister, or you are an artist like me, you can use this process in your life to close the gap between where you're at currently and where you want to go.
- MRMel Robbins
I think this is fascinating, and I can see how I can do this in my life, which is why I'm glad we're talking about this, especially with the example that you gave, Amy. But for the sake of everyone listening, can you make this even more granular, Kenn? Especially that first part 'cause I know that's where we're all gonna get tripped up. How do you get started once you have the North Star, that kinda person or that thing that you wanna emulate, that phase where you start imitating? How do you get moving on that?
- KRKendall Robbins
Oh, I can explain my program and how it's structured that way-
- MRMel Robbins
Yeah, in the three pillars-
- KRKendall Robbins
... and how it makes sense.
- MRMel Robbins
Will you do that?
- KRKendall Robbins
So, first and second year of USC, in my, in my program, it's popular music performance, and there are popular music performance vocalists, popular music performance songwriters, bass players, drummers, guitar players, piano players, et cetera, instrumentalists and singers. And they, our professors p- put you into bands, one drummer, t- three singers, one bass player, you get the deal, and they assign you different songs per week. Um, and the repertoire begins in the '50s all the way through early 2000s into present day pop songs that we cover in class. And so, on the first week of class, you get songs from the '50s and the '60s, and they assign these songs to you, and you learn them, and you learn how to emulate them, how to imitate them, which is step one.
- MRMel Robbins
Can I just stop right there? I thought this was really interesting because this was not like the popular music shows that you see where you're supposed to sing somebody's song, but do it in your own way, sort of thing. This was very specific emulating, step one. Meaning, they had you singing these songs from the '50s that a lot of you are like, "Are you freaking kidding me? This song is so stupid." And you were graded on, if you're a drummer, can you imitate that drum technique and pattern of that exact artist?
- KRKendall Robbins
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
Like, they're making-
- KRKendall Robbins
Down to the 16th note, down to the millisecond of the song, how accurately can you imitate it? How accurately can you replicate what, what the original instrumentalist or artist or group of artists did together? How, how acc-, you're graded based on how accurately you can emulate it. So, for me, it was the intonation, the phrasing, the riffs, the runs, the notes. So, for the first two years of my program, that's all we did. Every single song we were assigned, that was the objective. It wasn't to sound like Kendall. It wasn't to be the best I could be and do all my runs and do all my riffs and belt as much as I could. It was to sound exactly like the artist. And the point of that is so you can start to understand the building blocks of popular music. But, I mean, for any of you listeners, it could be to just understand where you want to go.
- MRMel Robbins
You talked about closing that gap, Kendall. When you see the gap, it is so overwhelming because you feel so far away. Like, how did you feel when you were in high school as a graduate, or even right now, how far away as a high school graduate did you feel from somebody like a Sara Bareilles or a Brandy Norwood?
- KRKendall Robbins
So far, the furthest. And I still feel very, very far from that. I'm not gonna sugarcoat it.
- MRMel Robbins
But is there a difference in how you view the gap?
- KRKendall Robbins
I'm already there.
- MRMel Robbins
What do you mean?
- KRKendall Robbins
I, well, I feel like I already have all of the skills that I need to have to be a professional recording touring artist. I'm just getting closer and closer to her and building and building and building. But, like, I think I already have the skills and the tools and the knowledge. It's just figuring out how to apply them and figuring out how to apply them in a way that gets me to where I want to go.
- MRMel Robbins
I agree with you.
- KRKendall Robbins
I don't think that we should call it a gap. Gap implies that it's a loss, and it's not.
- MRMel Robbins
Yes.
- KRKendall Robbins
The most beautiful thing in life is that space, 'cause you're gonna grow and you're gonna learn and you're gonna fail and you're gonna screw up and you're gonna meet people you love and meet people you hate and meet friends you don't want. But thinking about it as a gap is, you're never gonna get there if you think about it as a gap. It's... it, it's the road you get to travel. It's about the journey, not about like-
- MRMel Robbins
Yes.
- KRKendall Robbins
Don't think about it as the gap. That's step one.
- MRMel Robbins
Yes. But step two is, I want you to think it, about it as, like, gaining something.
- KRKendall Robbins
It's like a lily pad effect. Every lily pad you light up is yours now to keep.
- MRMel Robbins
Yes. And so, I... And the second thing, though, that people feel when they look at that moment of commencement, and they look out into the future, and they see all the things they gotta gain along the way and all this, it doesn't feel like an opportunity. And also, people have no idea how to start. And so, one of the things that I found to be really interesting about your presentation is that you took Sara Bareilles and Brandy Norwood, and they were your North Star.But then you divided them into three categories of character, skill, and what was the other one?
- KRKendall Robbins
Career.
- MRMel Robbins
Career. And by dividing it into three categories, you now
- 24:48 – 28:47
Why you should say “want” and not “need”
- MRMel Robbins
made it concrete what are the skills that I need to gain? What are the character attributes I need to gain? What are the aspects of their career, in terms of their experience that I need to gain?
- KRKendall Robbins
Well, let me just correct you, not need, want.
- MRMel Robbins
Great.
- KRKendall Robbins
Want to gain.
- MRMel Robbins
Okay, so why is it important to say want versus need?
- KRKendall Robbins
Because need implies that if you don't have it, you're at a loss. You don't need it, you just want it, and that's beautiful.
- MRMel Robbins
Well, I think, one, it's more motivating.
- KRKendall Robbins
Yeah, that too.
- MRMel Robbins
That's right, because I slipped into the language of gap and loss. Oh my God, I need that thing or else I'm not gonna get there. If you talk about it in the abundant language of gaining something, all of those things are opportunities to gain something that, that help you walk closer-
- KRKendall Robbins
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
... to the future you. And so I'm curious though, because not everybody wants to be a recording artist. Some people listening are like, "I just want to date somebody," or, "I really want to be healthy." Or for me, I see this applying very much, these three pillars and these three steps to, how do I get my personal financial life in order? I've been living in this mode, I think, of scarcity and fear ever since your dad and I were nearly bankrupt, well over 15 years ago.
- KRKendall Robbins
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
And I want to graduate from that. I want to commence a whole new way of operating, and there's a lot of skills and habits and support that I need to gain on the road ahead. And I just would love to hear you talk about, okay, you identified Brandy and Sarah, but what would you recommend, or what was the next step in trying to figure out, okay, well, how do I break apart who this person is to help me start to think about what I, what I need to gain? Or what I want to gain? Gotta catch myself there.
- KRKendall Robbins
For me, it didn't require very much research, because I feel as though I have an intimate relationship with these two artists, although they don't know that I exist. (laughs)
- MRMel Robbins
Why do you feel like you have an intimate relationship?
- KRKendall Robbins
But I've lis- been listening to their music for all of time, and I've spent thousands of hours on YouTube watching their interviews and reading articles about them and reading their books and just consuming everything they put out into the world. And so I think, for all of you people that maybe want to get into a relationship or start eating healthier, making more money or so on and so forth, you might not necessarily have as crystal clear of a North Star like I did, because I think my career warrants a lot more North Stars.
- MRMel Robbins
Mm.
- KRKendall Robbins
But for example, for you, you want to, you want to graduate from your scarcity mindset in your finances. You might not necessarily have a Brandy or a Sarah, an actual human being that exists on this Earth that you want to be exactly more like. So what instead you could do is think about that future version of you. What does the future version of Mel look like who is financially abundant and has an abundant relationship to it? What are her characteristics? What are her c- what does her career look like? What are her skill sets? Like, you can imagine yourself in a future, in the fu- like, imagine your future self who's eating healthy. What does she feel like every day? What does she... How does she talk to her friends? How does she move through the world? How does she wake up in the morning? Break that down. You can create it from nothing. Or you can look at Women's Health Magazine and pick someone-
- MRMel Robbins
(laughs)
- KRKendall Robbins
... from in there and break them down and do the same thing. I mean, there are North Stars everywhere, but if you're feeling lost, I think the first step is finding somebody, something
- 28:47 – 36:11
The first step you need to take if you are feeling lost
- KRKendall Robbins
or someone, and it can be the future version of you, to inspire yourself. You need to be inspired.
- MRMel Robbins
I agree. And for me, with the financial thing, I didn't have a North Star. I just knew I was sick and tired of feeling either out of control or, um, irresponsible or very reactive in that part of my life, and that I wanted to graduate from that and commence something new. And the second that I made that decision, right, that I'm just gonna graduate from this, I gotta end this, I gotta start something new, North Stars start to show up. But what I liked about your particular process is I think those three columns are genius, so I wanna make sure you listening have these. Declare what you want to graduate from so that something new can commence. If you don't have a North Star, simply saying, "I don't wanna do it like this anymore. Like, I'm done with college. I'm ready for the rest of my life, even though I don't know what the fuck the rest of my life looks like." For me, it was just like, "I'm done feeling like this. I'm done operating like this. I gotta figure this out. I wanna be proud of myself in this area of my life." And I didn't know what that meant. And so just declaring it started to have all kinds of stuff show up. Like, the first thing that happened is that, is Ramit-
- KRKendall Robbins
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
... came onto the podcast suddenly, the guy, "I can make you rich." And that got my wheels turning. And the second thing that happened is I spent a weekend with a bunch of women that are friends of mine that have similar businesses who are way more successful than me. And as I sat around listening to them, I'm like, "Wait, you do what? What, depreciate what? Wait, what do you do? Y- y- you have a..." Huh? And I started to fill that gap.And then because you had shown me this three-step thing, I'm like, "Wait a minute, I gotta flip this. I can gain these experiences, I can gain these skills, I can gain this character that I don't have right now." And so, the three columns that I think could be applied in any situation are the skills, or doing the sit-ups or doing the abs-
- AEAmy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode)
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
... but there is something deeper in this step one process that your research allowed you to tap into. And you know, you asked me kind of what's an example of a North Star for me. It's probably a North Star for a lot of people, and that's The Rock. I am so inspired by him, and there's a particular aspect about him that I love, and it's all in the character piece. It's in the fact that it's so clear that he's such a great guy. It is so clear that he is a person that's out there for the everyday person. It's so clear that he's so generous and humble and kind, and I also admire him in that he's such a, like, got such diverse businesses. It seems like anything he's interested in, he's like, "Whoop, pivot, energy drink. Whoop, pivot, we're doing shoes. Whoop, pivot-
- AEAmy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode)
(laughs)
- MRMel Robbins
... we're, uh, launching the, uh, XL NFL league. Whoop, pivot, I'm gonna do, uh, this superhero movie. Whoop, pivot, I'm gonna go do this thing." And I love that about him.
- AEAmy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode)
You're fired up, like-
- MRMel Robbins
Oh.
- AEAmy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode)
... I- I think this is a good example of, like, North Stardom that you are-
- MRMel Robbins
I wanna commence that.
- AEAmy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode)
You're so... Yeah, you, you got the fire in the belly about The Rock.
- MRMel Robbins
And, and so I've never, though, been able to get past North Star. And I can think about the moment when I was like, "There's my North Star." It was a singular Instagram post where he had a photo of him at this huge board table, and it was him and the person that runs Seven Bucks, their production company, the origin of which is that when he moved to LA, he only had seven bucks in his pocket. And he had this huge team of people, and they were launching the Tequila brand, or they'd already launched the Tequila brand, and they were about to launch the energy drink, and they had their, uh, uh, you know, partnership with Under Armor. And it, I went, "Oh my gosh, wait a minute, he's not doing this alone."
- AEAmy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode)
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
Oh, wait a minute, he got really int- Like, there's a team of people that he, like, builds these things with.
- AEAmy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode)
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
I need a team of people. Like, I started to realize, "Oh, wait, there are things I need to gain." Will I ever be him? Of course not. But for me, he's this North Star because it seems like he graduates all the time. He graduates from being a professional wrestler, right? And then he graduates from that role to something else, and then he graduates from that role to something else that he commences. He's always beginning something and gaining skills, but never, ever seems to lose contact with that character piece. And you can see it even in the Seven Bucks, like the fact that he named his company after this idea of starting with almost nothing.
- AEAmy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode)
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
And so I am really inspired by that, and I realize I gotta get serious about doing step one of emulating, and that means doing this research and breaking this all down.
- AEAmy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode)
I think one of the, one of the things I like is also that you talk about how you look at The Rock and you're kind of like, "Well, how do I get there from here? Like, how do I do that?" And that's... And this process gives you, like, okay, break it down. I feel like there are a lot of different parts of this process where people stop. Number one, they would stop by not knowing that they could get-
- MRMel Robbins
Yeah.
- AEAmy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode)
... a North Star. Number two, they could stop by being like, "Well, how do I get to be like The Rock?" I mean, like, you know, like-
- MRMel Robbins
The campus.
- AEAmy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode)
Right, huge.
- MRMel Robbins
It's an opportunity to gain things.
- AEAmy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode)
Definitely, I'm not picking him for my muscles-
- MRMel Robbins
And I want to. I don't need to, yes.
- AEAmy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode)
... goals. I don't wanna pick him for that.
- MRMel Robbins
Okay, wait, so... Okay.
- 36:11 – 39:11
The process that we have used to develop and advance throughout life
- KRKendall Robbins
only that artists create, but that humans create. It's the only way. You, you see another... You're a finance dude, you see another company do something, boom, the process happens. You just don't have context for it. It all start... The concept of being inspired by something and creativity is just an idea comes to you. An idea, a North Star, whatever you wanna call it. It's the same thing. So-
- AEAmy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode)
I love that, mm-hmm.
- KRKendall Robbins
So the first, the first step is emulate, which means to match or surpass a person or achievement typically by imitation. That's the first step.And in order to do that, to match or surpass an achievement, you've got to break it down, you need to do the research, you need to understand it.
- AEAmy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode)
Mm-hmm.
- KRKendall Robbins
What are they doing? You can do what I did, which will include my slide. I broke my two North Star artists into their skill sets, their characteristics, their character, and their career. Yours might look different, but those are maybe some guiding lights you can use. And assimilate means to take in information, ideas, or culture and understand them fully.
- AEAmy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode)
So, how do you do that? So, what is that... How is that different than the process of studying this North Star?
- KRKendall Robbins
So, you, so you study your North Star. For example, yours is The Rock, and you say, "Oh, I love that he has nine businesses."
- AEAmy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode)
Mm-hmm.
- KRKendall Robbins
You look at his nine businesses and you pull them apart and you see what they do. That's emulation. You have every little detail of the business. How many people work for them? What are they? What are they registered as? Um, how much money are they making a year? What's their target audience? All that kinda stuff. You haven't started doing that for yourself yet.
- AEAmy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode)
(laughs)
- KRKendall Robbins
You've just identified it.
- AEAmy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode)
I haven't done shit. Now, I've sat and watched-
- KRKendall Robbins
Yeah.
- AEAmy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode)
... and been in awe.
- KRKendall Robbins
Yeah.
- AEAmy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode)
But I ha-... And, and I think I fit in the gap. Yes.
- MRMel Robbins
And now it's time for you to take in that information, that idea, that culture, and understand it fully.
- KRKendall Robbins
Or you're not gonna graduate, Mel.
- MRMel Robbins
And to, and not only to, but to understand it fully means to digest it.
- AEAmy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode)
Yeah.
- KRKendall Robbins
Means to put, put it in an EpiPen and shove it in your leg. Understand it, consume it, practice it, get in the library, read the book, figure out how to grow your audience to the exact same size that The Rock has his.
- AEAmy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode)
This is like the... If you're watching a movie and about this, this is the music montage moment-
- KRKendall Robbins
Yes.
- AEAmy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode)
... of the change, right?
- KRKendall Robbins
Yes. Yes.
- AEAmy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode)
It's like that moment where-
- KRKendall Robbins
Yes.
- AEAmy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode)
... the girl gets the ice skates, time and time again, grabbing the ice skates at 6:00 in the morning, going to the rink.
- KRKendall Robbins
Yes. Yes.
- AEAmy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode)
You know, sweating it out-
- 39:11 – 40:58
This is the most beautiful part of change
- KRKendall Robbins
qualities and characteristics of your North Stars and put them into yourself. You're gonna find new things out about yourself that are part of your journey that you'd never known.
- AEAmy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode)
Yes. I love thi-... I love that you said it's the most beautiful part 'cause I think that's the part I'm most in love with too, and I think there's a romantic aspect to it, of you taking on a different way of being in your own life-
- KRKendall Robbins
Mm.
- AEAmy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode)
... you know? And that you're purposely doing it to feed your own happiness, to, um, explore a skill and deepen it. Like, I just think there's so much beauty to that.
- MRMel Robbins
Okay, so I know I keep going granular, but I love this three-step process because I love a framework that helps you locate yourself inside of something that takes a long time. I haven't even started the emulation phase because I haven't done the research. I've, I've admired, I've longed for, I've felt the gap-
- KRKendall Robbins
Well, that's step zero.
- MRMel Robbins
Right, but I haven't done the research, like, for real. How do you know, or do you know when you get to that part when you stop looking at that North Star and realize that you've become it?
- KRKendall Robbins
No, because you'll never become it.
- MRMel Robbins
Really?
- KRKendall Robbins
I'm never gonna be Sarah, and I'm never gonna be Brandy, and you're never gonna be The Rock.
- MRMel Robbins
No, but don't you become your own North Star when you start innovating?
- KRKendall Robbins
Yeah. I think that... Well, what I'm gonna say, which I think you need to include in the podcast, and which is why I'm gonna debunk the statement you just said, is that this process never ends. It's not a close the gap. It's a circle.
- MRMel Robbins
Hmm.
- KRKendall Robbins
It's not a, "Okay, circle's done. Check. We're good. We're off."
- 40:58 – 46:11
The difference between a directional signal and a destination
- KRKendall Robbins
No. The second you get to innovate... (snaps fingers) I made, I wrote a, I wrote a song two weeks ago, I found a new artist I'm falling in love with. Process starts again. You create that business that The Rock starts, boom, you see a tequila company that you want that has nothing to do with The Rock. It starts again. Not to mention, within each step, this is kind of gonna get confusing, but within each step, the process is happening within each step. Within emulation, it's going emulation, assimilation, innovation. You're innovating in the emulation step. You're emulating in the assimila-... Like, it's all happe-... It's, it's a circle inside of a circle, inside of a circle, inside of a circle, over and over and over and over and over, which to me means that you've always been the North Star, you always will be the North Star-
- MRMel Robbins
Hmm.
- KRKendall Robbins
... and it's just a trusting in the fact that you're just expanding. It's not getting somewhere, it's just... Like-
- MRMel Robbins
I, I, I to-
- KRKendall Robbins
Do you know what I mean?
- MRMel Robbins
I totally know what you mean.
- KRKendall Robbins
It's don't think about it as like...
- MRMel Robbins
I think about Brandy and Sarah Bareilles as a directional signal, not a destination.
- KRKendall Robbins
The process that I just went through, emulation, assimilation, innovation, in my senior project, if Brandy and Sarah are over here, I'm expanding this way, but then I, boom, there's something over there that I want that I'm expanding this way. Boom, there's something over there that I want, I'm expanding it there. Oh, there's something down here, I'm going this way. Ooh, there's something that way, I'm going that... Like, it's just a constant expansion of yourself, and I don't think that... If it helps you to think about it in a one, two, three, so be it, but I think the beauty of this process is that it's not about the destination that you get to because you're never going to arrive where you wanna be. Why do you think... This is something that my professors always tell me, but...... people like Bill Gates, people like all of the Motown artists that created some of the greatest records in the world, they're still making music. Some of the greatest scientists in the world are still trying to figure out different hypotheses that they come up with every day. Why do you think they're still doing that? They haven't arrived yet. There's always more to create, there's always more to get to, there's always more that you're gonna wanna be, and if they thought they'd figured it out, they would have stopped. (laughs) There would be no more music in the generations above you.
- MRMel Robbins
Well, it's not about figuring out, it's about the creative process itself.
- KRKendall Robbins
Yeah, exactly, and that's what this is. It's not about becoming the North Star, it's about-
- MRMel Robbins
You are the North Star.
- KRKendall Robbins
Yes. It's about just figuring out what you want to figure out in the world, and it's about figuring out what, what, what that even means. Well, yes, I'm, I'm my own North Star, but who am I? That's what this is about, not to get all-
- MRMel Robbins
No, I love getting all
- NANarrator
Woo-woo.
- KRKendall Robbins
... woo-woo and higher power, but-
- MRMel Robbins
I love that.
- KRKendall Robbins
... who am I? That's what we're kinda here to figure out.
- MRMel Robbins
Mm-hmm.
- KRKendall Robbins
And that's just what everyone else is trying to figure out.
- MRMel Robbins
Right. Well, and what, here's why I love tying the process of changing your life to the creative process, because you start to feel lost and disconnected and stuck in life and purposeless when you stop creating.
- KRKendall Robbins
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
And when you stop growing, and it's through the creative process of having something that you are drawn toward that you can help yourself grow, and you can keep yourself creating new things. And I would say that the reason why the Motown artists continue to create music, and the reason why researchers continue to research, and the reason why people that have won Pulitzer Prizes continue to do what they do is because it's not about the song or the prize, it's about the process itself that brings so much into your life.
- KRKendall Robbins
It's about the expansion.
- MRMel Robbins
Yes. Yes. And I've noticed that about you. Mm-hmm. I don't know I'm about to get really... (laughs)
- KRKendall Robbins
(laughs) Don't get emotional.
- MRMel Robbins
Well, I'm about to get emotional, because you used to be, and some days still are, but you used to be-
- KRKendall Robbins
(laughs)
- MRMel Robbins
... the most tightly wound, gripped, "It's gotta be right, I'm scare-, like, it's gotta be right, it's gotta be right, it's got-" resisting-
- KRKendall Robbins
Mm.
- 46:11 – 50:17
Kendall’s full-circle moment gave me chills
- MRMel Robbins
that he revealed that's been the framework for your last four years, the underpinnings of the program itself and the process that you went through. And it's no surprise to me that days before you were giving this presentation, he's like, "Well, what you're describing is these three pillars that the whole thing is." And then you could put it all together (snaps fingers) that that framework, in so many ways, liberates you from gripping because you can always locate yourself in it.
- KRKendall Robbins
Mm. And I also think... Thank you for saying all that, and I appreciate you seeing my progress (laughs) and seeing me. But I also think, I can speak from my own personal experience, but the expansion that I've experienced over the past four years, I thought and wanted to look a very different way. For example, when I got to USC, I was just a singer, and when I left, I expected to have an EP and 25 original songs, and maybe to even have played a bunch of shows, and to maybe be going on tour. Who knows? Dreaming big. That's what I wanted my expansion to be. But through this process and through surrendering to this process and trusting in this process, I've experienced expansion in ways I never knew that I would, and in ways that I'm so grateful for and would not trade 25 songs for in a heartbeat. And I think, yes, this process works. Yes, you can use this process. But you've gotta trust that even if the rock is your North Star, if it pulls you in a completely different direction, you've just gotta trust that if you stay in the process and you stay present and you stay grateful and you stay conscious of it, it's gonna lead you to where you need to go. Because I've learned so much about myself and about my artistry and about my humanity through this process that I never even knew was possible, and I still don't have 25 songs, and I'm still not going on tour, and I still haven't played that many shows.
- MRMel Robbins
(laughs)
- KRKendall Robbins
And I'm sure those are coming for me, but I would not trade those for the knowledge that I have about me and where I'm at and where I'm going for the fricking world.
- MRMel Robbins
What's the most surprising thing you learned about yourself through this three-part process?
- KRKendall Robbins
My hydrating eye patches are dry, which means it's time for them to come off. Um, I would say that my biggest takeaway after being at USC for four years and fr- from doing my senior project is understanding that my gift is not just my vocal cords and it's not just my ability to sing. And, yes, that is God-given, that is universe-given, and that is...... something that I'm so grateful for, and have no idea why someone gave it to me. (laughs) I'm so excited to use it and see where it takes me. But I've realized that my gift and my artistry is so much more complex and so much more dynamic than just these two little things in here, and that's true for every single person on this earth. I mean, my professors say this too, but you work on your artistry your whole life. You work on your career your whole life. You work on your family your whole life. But the art isn't that. The art is you. We are all works of art, and living this life and figuring out how to live and figuring out how to be more like your North Star, just like how to be you, or going through this process as just chiseling away at the sculpture that is just you. And I think USC has really helped me to actually see myself as that work of art, and to see that I'm just hopping on this ride of emulation, assimilation, and innovation, and I'm gonna ride this shit 'til I'm in the ground, babe. (laughs)
- MRMel Robbins
(laughs)
- KRKendall Robbins
And see where it freaking takes me.
- MRMel Robbins
Well, I'm gonna hook my caboose to that train, because the moment that you said "We are all works of art, and living this life and figuring out how to live and figuring out how to be more like your North Star is just like chiseling away at the sculpture that is you," that is so beautiful, Ken.
- KRKendall Robbins
You are the artwork. You get-
- MRMel Robbins
Yes.
- KRKendall Robbins
... you can create it.
- 50:17 – 53:08
You are like a statue, here is how
- KRKendall Robbins
You can paint your own life.
- MRMel Robbins
Yes. That was so cool. Thank you, Kendall. Thank you, Amy, for being here, and thank you for listening. And I have one more thing I want to add to this, because I just realized. You know how I end every episode by telling you that I love you and I believe in you? Well, I did that through this three-step process. 12 years ago, I heard Linda Cyot Wyman speak, and she talked about how she transformed this school by taking the speaker system in a public school and telling the students that she loved them and believed in them, and expected them to be back in public school the next morning dressed and ready to learn. Because she believed that all that anybody needed to learn and to succeed in life was hope, and hope comes from knowing that other people believe in you. And I was so moved by that, that I started emulating it, and then I assimilated it and tried it on in different ways, and then I innovated it. And so my sign-off to you was inspired by someone else, and I hope today, my mission today, was to have this conversation to inspire you to use this three-step process to find North Stars absolutely everywhere in your life, and start to emulate, assimilate, and innovate those characteristics, qualities, and skills, and make them your own. Because when you do that, you have the tools to creating a better life and a better version of you, and that's why I always tell you, "I love you and I believe in you," and I believe in your ability to do everything we talked about today. Now, go find that North Star and use it to inspire yourself to create a better life. I'll see you in a few days. Oh, one more thing. It's the legal language. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. (instrumental music) Hey, it's Mel. Thank you so much for being here. If you enjoyed that video, by God, please subscribe 'cause I don't want you to miss a thing. Thank you so much for being here. We've got so much amazing stuff coming. Thank you so much for sending this stuff to your friends and your family. I love you. We create these videos for you, so make sure you subscribe. Mwah.
Episode duration: 53:08
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