How to Get From Here to There: A Framework for Creating the Life You Want | The Mel Robbins Podcast

Mel Robbins 0:00 (ticking clock) (upbeat music) You asked me kind of, what's an example of a North Star for me, and that's The Rock. It seems like anything he's interested in, he's like, whoop, pivot, energy drink. Whoop, pivot, we're doing shoes. I love that about him.

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 0:16 You're fired up, like-

Mel Robbins 0:17 Oh.

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 0:17 I- I think this is a good example of like North Stardom.

Mel Robbins 0:21 I wanna commence that.

Kendall Robbins 0:22 Yes, this process works, but you've gotta trust that even if The Rock is your North Star, if it pulls you in a completely different direction, you've just gotta trust that if you stay in the process and you stay present and you stay grateful, it's gonna lead you to where you need to go. (upbeat music)

Mel Robbins 0:38 Hey, welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. Oh, I didn't even tell you who I am. It's Mel Robbins, your friend. And welcome. Let's do this thing. (laughs) I'm all spun around. I'm sorry. I have had one hell of a weekend. I was in Tampa on Friday, and I was giving the opening keynote at an event that my publisher, HayHouse, was putting on. First event that they've put on in three years. The theme was, "I Can Do It," and when they told me that my keynote was gonna begin at around 8:00, my first thought was, "I can't do that." I am in bed by 9:00 PM. I'm basically a great-grandmother at this point when it comes to how tired I get at the end of the day, but I rallied, and so I got on that stage, and I delivered a really great talk about this sentence, "I can do it," and I wanna share with you, 'cause I think it was kinda genius, I did this on the plane on the way down, of course, because I am the queen of cramming. I wanna break down this simple sentence, "I can do it." So, the reason why this is such a powerful sentence is because every single word has a very important meaning for you. "I" refers to the fact that you're personally responsible for your life. No one's coming. It's up to you, and as soon as you embrace this very scary notion that, "I am responsible for what happens next in my life," you will start taking responsibility for how you spend your time and what you do and the goals that you have, and so that's really important, "I can." "Can" is all about belief. "I can." "I can" means you believe that you can do it, and so take responsibility, believe in yourself, do. I'm the queen of do. Not doodoo, but do, and "do" means you gotta do something. It's not enough to believe. It's not enough to say you're responsible. At some point, you gotta put your money where your mouth is, and you gotta put your ass on the line. And you gotta take action. And now, the last word, "it." "I can do it." What is "it"? If you don't have an "it," you don't have shit. Not that poetic, but it's true. The "it" represents your North Star, and what I've found over the years is that almost everyone who gets stuck or feels lost or is just wanting to make a change, they're missing one of these four things. Either you're not taking responsibility for your life, or you don't believe in yourself, or you're not taking action, or you have no North Star, or all four of them in some cases, and today, I wanna talk to you about the importance of a North Star.

Mel Robbins 3:37 What is it? What is a North Star in your life? And I'm gonna give you a couple examples of two North Stars that I have, one that has been a North Star forever, namely, it's The Rock. I'm just gonna come right out and tell you. It's, it's, it's The Rock. The Rock is a North Star for me, and I'll explain more as we jump into this. And the other North Star? It is a woman I just met, literally just met. Hi, Michelle. I'd never met her before in my entire life, and she came walking up to me in the lobby, and she was in the audience. She shared a story about how she is a major fan of this podcast and that she just completed a fricking, is it an Ironman? A marathon? Something insane that I am not, at least right now, in shape to do, and that she listened to the podcast as a way to, to keep her going for the race and for her training, and when I tell you, Michelle immediately became my North Star, as a woman in her late 50s, taking names, kicking ass, biceps like completely grilled, taut, juicy Italian sausage links. Not like these flabby sockers that I've got that look like fricking meat wings, and she had beautiful... Like, she just was so ripped and vibrant, and I'm standing there trying to squeeze my butt cheeks together so that they don't hang like flabby pancakes on the back of my pants. North Star, Michelle, thank you, thank you, thank you, and that's the cool thing about North Stars. You don't have to know the person. They don't have to be famous, and you don't have to have every aspect of their life be something that is your North Star. It could be just one thing that they do or one aspect of their business, but there's so much power when you create a North Star for some area of your life, and you allow another person to be a beacon of inspiration and hope, and we're gonna unpack how you do that today, and to help me do that, I have invited Amy, who is a dear friend of mine. She is also one of the senior producers at 143 Studios. She's been on the podcast before. We know and love Amy.

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 5:44 Hey, everyone.

Mel Robbins 5:46 And I'm also inviting our daughter, Kendall. Our daughter just graduated from a really cool program at USC that is one of the only ones in the entire world that is dedicated to taking musicians and training them to become pop musicians.And Kendall just graduated from it. And the reason why I asked Kendall to be here is because Kendall has two North Stars for her career and for the kind of character that she has. And she has also just been through a curriculum, that she's gonna explain to you, that is grounded in three pillars. And when I learned about this just a couple of days ago, I thought, "Holy fucking shit." These three pillars of get a North Star and imitate the hell out of them, then assimilate what you're learning about your North Star into your day-to-day life, and then make it your own and innovate and go do you. That is how you close the gap between you and your North Star. Whether your North Star is a woman in a lobby at a hotel that's got ripped biceps and a big smile and lots of vibrancy and energy, or your North Star is somebody as enormous as The Rock or Beyoncé or James Patterson, or Colleen Hoover, the novelist that's taken off, or Taylor Swift, or anybody. Or maybe it's just somebody that has this amazing way about them. They always smile when you walk into the store. They're friendly, and there's something about their character that you love. Today, we're gonna break that down and we are going to learn from Kendall how to use this three-step curriculum as a framework for you to close the gap, so you can draw those qualities that you love into your life and make them your own. All right, let's do this. And Ken, let's just start by you telling everybody what is that North Star, that goal that you want to achieve in your career?

Kendall Robbins 7:45 I would like to be a professional recording and touring artist.

Mel Robbins 7:48 Great. One of the reasons why I wanted you to be in this conversation, Ken, is because you're in the middle of that process. You've just spent four years going through these three pillars in a program that is helping you get closer and closer and e- closer to achieving that goal. And for me personally, I love learning from people that are just steps ahead of me. It's so much more accessible to me when I see somebody that's been doing the work and they're on the road ahead of me. It's great that all these celebrities and recording artists and famous people get on these podcasts and tell us their stories, but oftentimes for me, when I'm looking at somebody that has already achieved the top of the top of the top, it feels so far away from me. And I wanted to talk to you because you've just spent four years working on this, and you're in the process, and you still have a lot to do to achieve what you want to achieve. And so, I just want to thank you for being here and for sharing, kind of, what you've learned and what you have yet to learn on this journey to becoming a professional recording and touring artist. And let's start with... Can you just explain to everybody a little bit about the past four years at USC and the three pillars of this creative process that you just learned?

Kendall Robbins 9:11 Okay, so

Kendall Robbins 9:12 I was a popular music vocalist at the Thornton School of Music, but the process that I'm about to explain to you is, is the underpinnings of the Thornton School of Music program and the basis of our entire curriculum, so I will give credit to Chris Sampson, the founder of the program. Love you. And he's the one that shined some light on this process for me, and gave it a name, and gave it context in my project, so thank you. In order to tell you how, I used a process/method that is the underpinnings of my entire program, it's what we do at Thornton for four years, and then we learn how to do it ourselves before we graduate so we can create whatever we want. And the process is three steps: emulation, assimilation, and innovation. That's literally it.

Mel Robbins 9:56 Okay, hold on a second. So, it's, so three steps are-

Kendall Robbins 9:59 Emulation-

Mel Robbins 10:00 Yeah.

Kendall Robbins 10:00 ... which means to imitate, to match or surpass some kind of achievement that you want. So, that means pick something that you're inspired by, pick somewhere you want to go, pick somebody who has more money than you that you want, pick somebody that has a house you want, anything, a North Star, pick a North Star, and break it down. What does that thing have that you don't? Line it all out. So, for me, I picked Sara Bareilles and Brandy, who are two of my favorite artists, and I broke them down. They're both strong, powerful, fierce. They both can songwrite, they can sing, they can play instruments, they can arrange, they can produce, they're advocates, they are powerful in their career, they collaborate, those kinds of things. Once I broke them down, then it was time for me to assimilate, which is step two. And assimilate

Kendall Robbins 10:42 is the 10,000-hour rule. Step one, you find a North Star or it will find you.

Mel Robbins 10:46 Yes.

Kendall Robbins 10:47 Now, you're in emulation phase, and here are the three pillars.

Mel Robbins 10:50 Oh, you can't start emulation phase until you have a North Star?

Kendall Robbins 10:53 I don't think so.

Mel Robbins 10:55 Wow.

Kendall Robbins 10:56 You got to have somewhere to go.

Mel Robbins 10:59 Can you start the emulation process by simply saying, "I just don't want to be where I am?"

Kendall Robbins 11:09 Yes, but I think it gives you an anchor when you have somewhere to go, and I think that...

Mel Robbins 11:17 It could just be the opposite of where you are. (laughs) I mean, if, if I'm, if you're, if you're somebody who's... You, you know what I'm saying? Amy, what are you thinking?

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 11:26 I think the emulation phase is so brilliant, because picking the North Star is something I think a lot of people don't even realize they can do, you know? Like, they, they just feel like, "This is me. This is who I'm always gonna be. I can't change who I am. I'm not really sure about learning new skills." I... don't, they don't even think about, you know, doing the research, looking at other people, and I just think that alone is brilliant.

Kendall Robbins 11:53 Mm-hmm.

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 11:54 That alone gives you a life jacket, you know? That alone gives you that step up to... closer to the person who you want to become. Just knowing, like...

Mel Robbins 12:04 ... your, number one, you can just look at them and, and figure out how they did it. Okay, brilliant. Like, duh.

Kendall Robbins 12:10 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 12:11 Like, okay.

Kendall Robbins 12:12 Or, or, I mean, it do- you, when... Say that your, the person you wanna be more like, your North Star, whatever you wanna call it, is Bill Gates. You might not wanna be exactly like him in all walks of life, but there might be one thing he does that you wanna emulate. Like, it doesn't have to be their entire persona. For me, for my specific project, it was, because I'm obsessed with and in love with their artistry-

Mel Robbins 12:37 (laughs)

Kendall Robbins 12:37 ... which is what I wanna emulate. But for you, it can be one tiny sliver of somebody's character.

Mel Robbins 12:43 I have somebody like that. Do you have somebody like that, Amy?

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 12:46 I have a tiny sliver example, but I wanna hear yours.

Mel Robbins 12:49 No, I wanna hear yours first.

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 12:50 Well, I-

Mel Robbins 12:52 You look like you don't wanna say it out loud.

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 12:54 This is, now I'm like, "Why did I say this?"

Mel Robbins 12:56 (laughs)

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 12:57 Because I have to reveal my dirty secret, which is I used to watch the, um, Housewives series on Bravo, like, all the time.

Kendall Robbins 13:05 Really?

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 13:05 Yeah. Oh, yeah. That was, yeah. Um-

Kendall Robbins 13:07 Does our producer Andrea know this?

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 13:08 Yes, she knows. We-

Kendall Robbins 13:09 'Cause she used to be-

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 13:10 We-

Kendall Robbins 13:10 ... Andy Cohen's-

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 13:11 Yes.

Kendall Robbins 13:12 ... VP.

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 13:12 Yes.

Kendall Robbins 13:12 Okay.

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 13:12 She, she and I have a lot of deep conversations about that. But anyway.

Kendall Robbins 13:17 (laughs)

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 13:17 I, um, I re- a very simple, simple example. I remember there was one woman on the show that was, of course, always controversial and fucking things up, but also really super fun and kind. And I noticed she s- would say, like, a couple of words that I would never say to people. Th- and it's not what you think. She would call people "love." Like, say, "Hey, love, how are you today? How are you doing?" And I just thought that was just the kindest, most beautiful thing to say to somebody. "Oh, thanks, love. Um, I appreciate that," you know? And so, that was, like, that sliver where she was s- do you know, this is a super tiny sliver, but she was my North Star, and I, like, got up the courage to start talking like her and start being really open and being kinder to people. And now, that's a part of my vernacular. You know, I say that all the time. Like, "Hey, love, how's it going?"

Kendall Robbins 14:09 You do.

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 14:10 And I w- but that was n- not me in the beginning. That was not who I was.

Kendall Robbins 14:15 Mm-hmm.

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 14:16 And I'm really glad that I, that I did that without knowing the entire process. But yeah, that's what I, that's what I did, and I feel good about that.

Mel Robbins 14:23 Do you have one for, like, a bigger one-

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 14:25 That you wanna... Yeah, that, no, that you wanna commence now?

Kendall Robbins 14:28 A thing that I want to start doing now?

Mel Robbins 14:31 Yeah.

Kendall Robbins 14:31 Probably get to the point a little faster.

Mel Robbins 14:35 (laughs) No.

Kendall Robbins 14:35 Um, a thing that I want to-

Mel Robbins 14:37 If you were graduating-

Kendall Robbins 14:38 Oh.

Mel Robbins 14:38 ... and you were gonna commence-

Kendall Robbins 14:40 Yes.

Mel Robbins 14:41 ... what is it?

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 14:41 It would be from the school of rock hard bodies and incredible muscular abs. That's the school I would wanna graduate (laughs) from. Yeah, I wanna, I wanna do, like, a little bit of a body makeover.

Kendall Robbins 14:53 Mm.

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 14:53 You know what I mean?

Kendall Robbins 14:54 Okay.

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 14:54 Yeah. Right? So, who would I emulate?

Kendall Robbins 14:57 Who's your, who's your, who's your dream body, North Star?

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 15:01 Yeah. I'd have to check my Instagram and get their real names.

Kendall Robbins 15:05 (laughs)

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 15:05 But yeah.

Kendall Robbins 15:05 Well, let's say it's Gwyneth Paltrow-

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 15:08 Okay.

Kendall Robbins 15:09 ... or Jennifer Aniston.

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 15:10 Hmm, more of a, more realistic for me. Thanks, yeah.

Kendall Robbins 15:13 Okay. Well-

Mel Robbins 15:13 (laughs)

Kendall Robbins 15:14 ... I wasn't sure if we were going maybe-

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 15:15 Thanks, love.

Kendall Robbins 15:16 (laughs)

Mel Robbins 15:16 (laughs)

Kendall Robbins 15:16 I wasn't sure if we were maybe going-

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 15:18 Yeah.

Kendall Robbins 15:19 ... maybe younger-

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 15:20 I like that.

Kendall Robbins 15:20 ... same age, little older.

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 15:21 Yeah. No, it was risky waters that you-

Kendall Robbins 15:22 Okay.

Mel Robbins 15:23 (laughs)

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 15:23 ... jumped into and you did it. So, that was nice.

Kendall Robbins 15:24 You know what? Jennifer Aniston is my dream body.

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 15:26 Okay.

Kendall Robbins 15:27 So-

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 15:27 All right.

Kendall Robbins 15:28 ... now we're on the same page.

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 15:29 Now you know what I'm talking about.

Kendall Robbins 15:30 Her in Just Go With It-

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 15:32 Yeah.

Kendall Robbins 15:32 ... the Hawaii scene.

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 15:33 There you go. You wanna be like that.

Kendall Robbins 15:35 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 15:35 Yeah, I think I need to look that up now.

Kendall Robbins 15:37 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 15:37 I, I don't, I don't-

Kendall Robbins 15:38 You know, it's-

Mel Robbins 15:38 ... ever recall seeing her in a bathing suit.

Kendall Robbins 15:39 We'll stitch that in.

Mel Robbins 15:41 Oh, okay. Okay. (upbeat music)

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 15:49 So-

Kendall Robbins 15:50 Anyway.

Mel Robbins 15:50 Yes.

Kendall Robbins 15:50 Let's say that she is your dream body-

Mel Robbins 15:52 Yes.

Kendall Robbins 15:52 ... as she is mine. So, you break her down.

Mel Robbins 15:57 Yes.

Kendall Robbins 15:57 What does she do?

Mel Robbins 15:58 She does a lot of yoga.

Kendall Robbins 16:00 Okay, a lot of yoga.

Mel Robbins 16:00 A lot of yoga.

Kendall Robbins 16:01 And, like, every single thing she does-

Mel Robbins 16:03 Yeah.

Kendall Robbins 16:04 ... you don't have to do every single little thing, but learn a lot about what she does-

Mel Robbins 16:07 Yeah.

Kendall Robbins 16:07 ... and start to assimilate it, which is-

Mel Robbins 16:09 That's step-

Kendall Robbins 16:10 ... step two.

Mel Robbins 16:10 ... step two, okay.

Kendall Robbins 16:11 Start to weave it into your own makeup, into your own being, into your own everyday life.

Mel Robbins 16:15 Yeah.

Kendall Robbins 16:16 Do yoga more, eat more greens, whatever she's doing.

Mel Robbins 16:19 Right.

Kendall Robbins 16:19 Then, at the end, innovate. You're gonna have to put your own Amy twist on it, because what you-

Mel Robbins 16:25 On to it.

Kendall Robbins 16:25 ... need to do to get your dream body is not gonna be exactly what she's gonna do.

Mel Robbins 16:30 And it won't look exactly like hers.

Kendall Robbins 16:32 No, but-

Mel Robbins 16:33 But, but-

Kendall Robbins 16:33 ... being able to break her down and adding some of her qualities into your everyday will help you get to your own version of that dream body.

Mel Robbins 16:42 Yeah. That makes a ton of sense. Let's hear a word from our sponsors real quick, and when we come back, Ken, I got another question for you, because I'm really curious about this North Star moment. Once you determined that Brandy Norwood and Sarah Bareilles were your North Stars, I want you to see if you can break down the exact steps that you took next, because I think it'll help all of us apply this to our lives. Stay with us. We'll be right back. Welcome back. I'm Mel Robbins. I am so thrilled that you're here with us. I'm sitting here with two people I love, our daughter, Kendall Robbins, who just graduated from University of Southern California, and one of my closest friends, Amy, who also works for One Four Three Studios. And we've been talking about identifying a North Star, which is a person that you really admire or want to emulate in your own life. And our daughter, Kendall, had just explained that she had identified that Brandy Norwood and Sarah Bareilles were her North Stars when she decided she wanted to be a singer-songwriter. So, Ken, once you had those two identified, what the heck do you do next? Like, what are the s- what's the step-by-step process?

Kendall Robbins 17:50 Now it was time for me to learn how to be a producer, how to be an arranger, how to be an advocate, how to collaborate, all of those kinds of things that I didn't already have. And that will be the biggest chunk of your journey and will take a long time. For me, it took up to four years. It's a lifelong journey, so it will take for the rest (laughs) of my life, for the rest of the time that I'm on this Earth. And then, once I was done assimilating those qualities that, for example, Brandy Norwood and Sarah Bareilles have in their artistry and in their humanity, it was time for me to create something of my own.And so, once I had all the skills that I had to become, to be a producer, and the

Kendall Robbins 18:30 skills to be an arranger, and the skills to be an advocate, and the skills to be a collaborator, and a songwriter, and a singer, et cetera, I then went and created my own music. And inherently, it will have my own twist on it, and it will have my own flavors of Kendall Robbins on it that Brandy Norwood and Sara Bareilles will never have. But that's just the beauty of creating something of your own is that it will always be a reflection of you because you're the art. And I think this process of... I'm gonna line it out for you one more time.

Mel Robbins 19:01 (laughs)

Kendall Robbins 19:01 Emulation, number one. Assimilation, number two. Innovation, number three, is a process you can all use to get wherever you want in life, whether you're an interior designer, or you're a banker, or you're a mom, or you're a sister, or you are an artist like me, you can use this process in your life to close the gap between where you're at currently and where you want to go.

Mel Robbins 19:27 I think this is fascinating, and I can see how I can do this in my life, which is why I'm glad we're talking about this, especially with the example that you gave, Amy. But for the sake of everyone listening, can you make this even more granular, Kenn? Especially that first part 'cause I know that's where we're all gonna get tripped up. How do you get started once you have the North Star, that kinda person or that thing that you wanna emulate, that phase where you start imitating? How do you get moving on that?

Kendall Robbins 19:57 Oh, I can explain my program and how it's structured that way-

Mel Robbins 20:00 Yeah, in the three pillars-

Kendall Robbins 20:01 ... and how it makes sense.

Mel Robbins 20:01 Will you do that?

Kendall Robbins 20:01 So, first and second year of USC, in my, in my program, it's popular music performance, and there are popular music performance vocalists, popular music performance songwriters, bass players, drummers, guitar players, piano players, et cetera, instrumentalists and singers. And they, our professors p- put you into bands, one drummer, t- three singers, one bass player, you get the deal, and they assign you different songs per week. Um, and the repertoire begins in the '50s all the way through early 2000s into present day pop songs that we cover in class. And so, on the first week of class, you get songs from the '50s and the '60s, and they assign these songs to you, and you learn them, and you learn how to emulate them, how to imitate them, which is step one.

Mel Robbins 20:53 Can I just stop right there? I thought this was really interesting because this was not like the popular music shows that you see where you're supposed to sing somebody's song, but do it in your own way, sort of thing. This was very specific emulating, step one. Meaning, they had you singing these songs from the '50s that a lot of you are like, "Are you freaking kidding me? This song is so stupid." And you were graded on, if you're a drummer, can you imitate that drum technique and pattern of that exact artist?

Kendall Robbins 21:25 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 21:25 Like, they're making-

Kendall Robbins 21:26 Down to the 16th note, down to the millisecond of the song, how accurately can you imitate it? How accurately can you replicate what, what the original instrumentalist or artist or group of artists did together? How, how acc-, you're graded based on how accurately you can emulate it. So, for me, it was the intonation, the phrasing, the riffs, the runs, the notes. So, for the first two years of my program, that's all we did. Every single song we were assigned, that was the objective. It wasn't to sound like Kendall. It wasn't to be the best I could be and do all my runs and do all my riffs and belt as much as I could. It was to sound exactly like the artist. And the point of that is so you can start to understand the building blocks of popular music. But, I mean, for any of you listeners, it could be to just understand where you want to go.

Mel Robbins 22:19 You talked about closing that gap, Kendall. When you see the gap, it is so overwhelming because you feel so far away. Like, how did you feel when you were in high school as a graduate, or even right now, how far away as a high school graduate did you feel from somebody like a Sara Bareilles or a Brandy Norwood?

Kendall Robbins 22:41 So far, the furthest. And I still feel very, very far from that. I'm not gonna sugarcoat it.

Mel Robbins 22:47 But is there a difference in how you view the gap?

Kendall Robbins 22:53 I'm already there.

Mel Robbins 22:55 What do you mean?

Kendall Robbins 22:56 I, well, I feel like I already have all of the skills that I need to have to be a professional recording touring artist. I'm just getting closer and closer to her and building and building and building. But, like, I think I already have the skills and the tools and the knowledge. It's just figuring out how to apply them and figuring out how to apply them in a way that gets me to where I want to go.

Mel Robbins 23:21 I agree with you.

Kendall Robbins 23:22 I don't think that we should call it a gap. Gap implies that it's a loss, and it's not.

Mel Robbins 23:28 Yes.

Kendall Robbins 23:28 The most beautiful thing in life is that space, 'cause you're gonna grow and you're gonna learn and you're gonna fail and you're gonna screw up and you're gonna meet people you love and meet people you hate and meet friends you don't want. But thinking about it as a gap is, you're never gonna get there if you think about it as a gap. It's... it, it's the road you get to travel. It's about the journey, not about like-

Mel Robbins 23:49 Yes.

Kendall Robbins 23:49 Don't think about it as the gap. That's step one.

Mel Robbins 23:51 Yes. But step two is, I want you to think it, about it as, like, gaining something.

Kendall Robbins 23:56 It's like a lily pad effect. Every lily pad you light up is yours now to keep.

Mel Robbins 24:01 Yes. And so, I... And the second thing, though, that people feel when they look at that moment of commencement, and they look out into the future, and they see all the things they gotta gain along the way and all this, it doesn't feel like an opportunity. And also, people have no idea how to start. And so, one of the things that I found to be really interesting about your presentation is that you took Sara Bareilles and Brandy Norwood, and they were your North Star.But then you divided them into three categories of character, skill, and what was the other one?

Kendall Robbins 24:41 Career.

Mel Robbins 24:41 Career. And by dividing it into three categories, you now

Mel Robbins 24:48 made it concrete what are the skills that I need to gain? What are the character attributes I need to gain? What are the aspects of their career, in terms of their experience that I need to gain?

Kendall Robbins 25:01 Well, let me just correct you, not need, want.

Mel Robbins 25:04 Great.

Kendall Robbins 25:05 Want to gain.

Mel Robbins 25:06 Okay, so why is it important to say want versus need?

Kendall Robbins 25:10 Because need implies that if you don't have it, you're at a loss. You don't need it, you just want it, and that's beautiful.

Mel Robbins 25:17 Well, I think, one, it's more motivating.

Kendall Robbins 25:19 Yeah, that too.

Mel Robbins 25:21 That's right, because I slipped into the language of gap and loss. Oh my God, I need that thing or else I'm not gonna get there. If you talk about it in the abundant language of gaining something, all of those things are opportunities to gain something that, that help you walk closer-

Kendall Robbins 25:38 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 25:38 ... to the future you. And so I'm curious though, because not everybody wants to be a recording artist. Some people listening are like, "I just want to date somebody," or, "I really want to be healthy." Or for me, I see this applying very much, these three pillars and these three steps to, how do I get my personal financial life in order? I've been living in this mode, I think, of scarcity and fear ever since your dad and I were nearly bankrupt, well over 15 years ago.

Kendall Robbins 26:13 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 26:14 And I want to graduate from that. I want to commence a whole new way of operating, and there's a lot of skills and habits and support that I need to gain on the road ahead. And I just would love to hear you talk about, okay, you identified Brandy and Sarah, but what would you recommend, or what was the next step in trying to figure out, okay, well, how do I break apart who this person is to help me start to think about what I, what I need to gain? Or what I want to gain? Gotta catch myself there.

Kendall Robbins 26:48 For me, it didn't require very much research, because I feel as though I have an intimate relationship with these two artists, although they don't know that I exist. (laughs)

Mel Robbins 26:58 Why do you feel like you have an intimate relationship?

Kendall Robbins 27:00 But I've lis- been listening to their music for all of time, and I've spent thousands of hours on YouTube watching their interviews and reading articles about them and reading their books and just consuming everything they put out into the world. And so I think, for all of you people that maybe want to get into a relationship or start eating healthier, making more money or so on and so forth, you might not necessarily have as crystal clear of a North Star like I did, because I think my career warrants a lot more North Stars.

Mel Robbins 27:36 Mm.

Kendall Robbins 27:37 But for example, for you, you want to, you want to graduate from your scarcity mindset in your finances. You might not necessarily have a Brandy or a Sarah, an actual human being that exists on this Earth that you want to be exactly more like. So what instead you could do is think about that future version of you. What does the future version of Mel look like who is financially abundant and has an abundant relationship to it? What are her characteristics? What are her c- what does her career look like? What are her skill sets? Like, you can imagine yourself in a future, in the fu- like, imagine your future self who's eating healthy. What does she feel like every day? What does she... How does she talk to her friends? How does she move through the world? How does she wake up in the morning? Break that down. You can create it from nothing. Or you can look at Women's Health Magazine and pick someone-

Mel Robbins 28:37 (laughs)

Kendall Robbins 28:37 ... from in there and break them down and do the same thing. I mean, there are North Stars everywhere, but if you're feeling lost, I think the first step is finding somebody, something

Kendall Robbins 28:47 or someone, and it can be the future version of you, to inspire yourself. You need to be inspired.

Mel Robbins 28:53 I agree. And for me, with the financial thing, I didn't have a North Star. I just knew I was sick and tired of feeling either out of control or, um, irresponsible or very reactive in that part of my life, and that I wanted to graduate from that and commence something new. And the second that I made that decision, right, that I'm just gonna graduate from this, I gotta end this, I gotta start something new, North Stars start to show up. But what I liked about your particular process is I think those three columns are genius, so I wanna make sure you listening have these. Declare what you want to graduate from so that something new can commence. If you don't have a North Star, simply saying, "I don't wanna do it like this anymore. Like, I'm done with college. I'm ready for the rest of my life, even though I don't know what the fuck the rest of my life looks like." For me, it was just like, "I'm done feeling like this. I'm done operating like this. I gotta figure this out. I wanna be proud of myself in this area of my life." And I didn't know what that meant. And so just declaring it started to have all kinds of stuff show up. Like, the first thing that happened is that, is Ramit-

Kendall Robbins 30:10 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 30:11 ... came onto the podcast suddenly, the guy, "I can make you rich." And that got my wheels turning. And the second thing that happened is I spent a weekend with a bunch of women that are friends of mine that have similar businesses who are way more successful than me. And as I sat around listening to them, I'm like, "Wait, you do what? What, depreciate what? Wait, what do you do? Y- y- you have a..." Huh? And I started to fill that gap.And then because you had shown me this three-step thing, I'm like, "Wait a minute, I gotta flip this. I can gain these experiences, I can gain these skills, I can gain this character that I don't have right now." And so, the three columns that I think could be applied in any situation are the skills, or doing the sit-ups or doing the abs-

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 31:03 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 31:04 ... but there is something deeper in this step one process that your research allowed you to tap into. And you know, you asked me kind of what's an example of a North Star for me. It's probably a North Star for a lot of people, and that's The Rock. I am so inspired by him, and there's a particular aspect about him that I love, and it's all in the character piece. It's in the fact that it's so clear that he's such a great guy. It is so clear that he is a person that's out there for the everyday person. It's so clear that he's so generous and humble and kind, and I also admire him in that he's such a, like, got such diverse businesses. It seems like anything he's interested in, he's like, "Whoop, pivot, energy drink. Whoop, pivot, we're doing shoes. Whoop, pivot-

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 31:51 (laughs)

Mel Robbins 31:51 ... we're, uh, launching the, uh, XL NFL league. Whoop, pivot, I'm gonna do, uh, this superhero movie. Whoop, pivot, I'm gonna go do this thing." And I love that about him.

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 32:03 You're fired up, like-

Mel Robbins 32:04 Oh.

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 32:04 ... I- I think this is a good example of, like, North Stardom that you are-

Mel Robbins 32:07 I wanna commence that.

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 32:09 You're so... Yeah, you, you got the fire in the belly about The Rock.

Mel Robbins 32:12 And, and so I've never, though, been able to get past North Star. And I can think about the moment when I was like, "There's my North Star." It was a singular Instagram post where he had a photo of him at this huge board table, and it was him and the person that runs Seven Bucks, their production company, the origin of which is that when he moved to LA, he only had seven bucks in his pocket. And he had this huge team of people, and they were launching the Tequila brand, or they'd already launched the Tequila brand, and they were about to launch the energy drink, and they had their, uh, uh, you know, partnership with Under Armor. And it, I went, "Oh my gosh, wait a minute, he's not doing this alone."

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 33:00 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 33:01 Oh, wait a minute, he got really int- Like, there's a team of people that he, like, builds these things with.

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 33:05 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 33:06 I need a team of people. Like, I started to realize, "Oh, wait, there are things I need to gain." Will I ever be him? Of course not. But for me, he's this North Star because it seems like he graduates all the time. He graduates from being a professional wrestler, right? And then he graduates from that role to something else, and then he graduates from that role to something else that he commences. He's always beginning something and gaining skills, but never, ever seems to lose contact with that character piece. And you can see it even in the Seven Bucks, like the fact that he named his company after this idea of starting with almost nothing.

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 33:47 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 33:49 And so I am really inspired by that, and I realize I gotta get serious about doing step one of emulating, and that means doing this research and breaking this all down.

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 34:01 I think one of the, one of the things I like is also that you talk about how you look at The Rock and you're kind of like, "Well, how do I get there from here? Like, how do I do that?" And that's... And this process gives you, like, okay, break it down. I feel like there are a lot of different parts of this process where people stop. Number one, they would stop by not knowing that they could get-

Mel Robbins 34:23 Yeah.

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 34:23 ... a North Star. Number two, they could stop by being like, "Well, how do I get to be like The Rock?" I mean, like, you know, like-

Mel Robbins 34:30 The campus.

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 34:30 Right, huge.

Mel Robbins 34:31 It's an opportunity to gain things.

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 34:33 Definitely, I'm not picking him for my muscles-

Mel Robbins 34:35 And I want to. I don't need to, yes.

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 34:36 ... goals. I don't wanna pick him for that.

Mel Robbins 34:38 Okay, wait, so... Okay.

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 34:38 But, so you could stop there and you could be like, "You know what? I'm just never gonna be like him. I'm never gonna be like him." But then we have this breakdown, "What's his character like? What are his skills like? What's his career like?" Okay, I could put my hooks into that. Like-

Mel Robbins 34:51 Yes.

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 34:51 ... I could do that homework and, and get, like-

Mel Robbins 34:53 These are things that I want.

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 34:54 Like Kendall is saying, "Yeah, these are things that I want." And, and, and you're not gonna be him. You're gonna get closer. And how good is that gonna feel?

Mel Robbins 35:01 Mm-hmm.

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 35:02 That's gonna feel amazing. Like, you must have felt great during this process when... Or no? (laughs)

Mel Robbins 35:06 Well-

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 35:07 Did you?

Kendall Robbins 35:07 No, yeah.

Mel Robbins 35:08 Did you?

Kendall Robbins 35:08 I mean, to be completely frank, I did my entire senior project and talked all about all of these different attributes that I had gained over my time at USC and all of these different skill sets that I had been working on, and it wasn't until a week before my presentation that my mentor, Chris Sampson, shout out again, founder of the USC Pop Music Program, gave me this process as context. He said, "Okay, yes, you've been doing all of thi- all of these things. You've been adding all these characteristics and qualities and skill sets and techniques to your artistry and your persona, but there's no project here. You need to describe how you did it. How did you do this?"

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 35:49 Mm.

Kendall Robbins 35:49 "How did you become this producer and this arranger and this kind and this funny and this humor and your perspective?" And he gave me the context of this process. So I can promise you that this has been happening for your entire life. This is the way that we live in the world. This is literally the way that we move through the world. It's the way not

Kendall Robbins 36:11 only that artists create, but that humans create. It's the only way. You, you see another... You're a finance dude, you see another company do something, boom, the process happens. You just don't have context for it. It all start... The concept of being inspired by something and creativity is just an idea comes to you. An idea, a North Star, whatever you wanna call it. It's the same thing. So-

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 36:32 I love that, mm-hmm.

Kendall Robbins 36:33 So the first, the first step is emulate, which means to match or surpass a person or achievement typically by imitation. That's the first step.And in order to do that, to match or surpass an achievement, you've got to break it down, you need to do the research, you need to understand it.

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 36:47 Mm-hmm.

Kendall Robbins 36:48 What are they doing? You can do what I did, which will include my slide. I broke my two North Star artists into their skill sets, their characteristics, their character, and their career. Yours might look different, but those are maybe some guiding lights you can use. And assimilate means to take in information, ideas, or culture and understand them fully.

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 37:10 So, how do you do that? So, what is that... How is that different than the process of studying this North Star?

Kendall Robbins 37:21 So, you, so you study your North Star. For example, yours is The Rock, and you say, "Oh, I love that he has nine businesses."

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 37:29 Mm-hmm.

Kendall Robbins 37:30 You look at his nine businesses and you pull them apart and you see what they do. That's emulation. You have every little detail of the business. How many people work for them? What are they? What are they registered as? Um, how much money are they making a year? What's their target audience? All that kinda stuff. You haven't started doing that for yourself yet.

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 37:47 (laughs)

Kendall Robbins 37:47 You've just identified it.

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 37:48 I haven't done shit. Now, I've sat and watched-

Kendall Robbins 37:50 Yeah.

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 37:50 ... and been in awe.

Kendall Robbins 37:51 Yeah.

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 37:52 But I ha-... And, and I think I fit in the gap. Yes.

Mel Robbins 37:53 And now it's time for you to take in that information, that idea, that culture, and understand it fully.

Kendall Robbins 38:00 Or you're not gonna graduate, Mel.

Mel Robbins 38:01 And to, and not only to, but to understand it fully means to digest it.

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 38:09 Yeah.

Kendall Robbins 38:09 Means to put, put it in an EpiPen and shove it in your leg. Understand it, consume it, practice it, get in the library, read the book, figure out how to grow your audience to the exact same size that The Rock has his.

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 38:23 This is like the... If you're watching a movie and about this, this is the music montage moment-

Kendall Robbins 38:30 Yes.

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 38:30 ... of the change, right?

Kendall Robbins 38:32 Yes. Yes.

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 38:32 It's like that moment where-

Kendall Robbins 38:33 Yes.

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 38:34 ... the girl gets the ice skates, time and time again, grabbing the ice skates at 6:00 in the morning, going to the rink.

Kendall Robbins 38:39 Yes. Yes.

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 38:39 You know, sweating it out-

Kendall Robbins 38:41 Yes. Yes.

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 38:41 ... taking a shower, going to school, back of the-

Kendall Robbins 38:42 It's the 10,000 hour rule.

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 38:44 Yes. It's the music montage.

Kendall Robbins 38:45 To master something, you nee-... It requires 10,000 hours of practicing it, and I did that over four years. I took classes, I took lessons with my professors, I studied in my room, I sang 100 million songs. It's not-

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 39:00 This is my favorite part.

Kendall Robbins 39:00 This is the longest part of the journey, and it's the most beautiful part because so many other things come to you while it's happening, while you're trying to take all of these

Kendall Robbins 39:11 qualities and characteristics of your North Stars and put them into yourself. You're gonna find new things out about yourself that are part of your journey that you'd never known.

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 39:19 Yes. I love thi-... I love that you said it's the most beautiful part 'cause I think that's the part I'm most in love with too, and I think there's a romantic aspect to it, of you taking on a different way of being in your own life-

Kendall Robbins 39:33 Mm.

Amy (Mel’s friend/co-host for this episode) 39:33 ... you know? And that you're purposely doing it to feed your own happiness, to, um, explore a skill and deepen it. Like, I just think there's so much beauty to that.

Mel Robbins 39:44 Okay, so I know I keep going granular, but I love this three-step process because I love a framework that helps you locate yourself inside of something that takes a long time. I haven't even started the emulation phase because I haven't done the research. I've, I've admired, I've longed for, I've felt the gap-

Kendall Robbins 40:07 Well, that's step zero.

Mel Robbins 40:08 Right, but I haven't done the research, like, for real. How do you know, or do you know when you get to that part when you stop looking at that North Star and realize that you've become it?

Kendall Robbins 40:22 No, because you'll never become it.

Mel Robbins 40:26 Really?

Kendall Robbins 40:27 I'm never gonna be Sarah, and I'm never gonna be Brandy, and you're never gonna be The Rock.

Mel Robbins 40:30 No, but don't you become your own North Star when you start innovating?

Kendall Robbins 40:37 Yeah. I think that... Well, what I'm gonna say, which I think you need to include in the podcast, and which is why I'm gonna debunk the statement you just said, is that this process never ends. It's not a close the gap. It's a circle.

Mel Robbins 40:53 Hmm.

Kendall Robbins 40:54 It's not a, "Okay, circle's done. Check. We're good. We're off."

Kendall Robbins 40:58 No. The second you get to innovate... (snaps fingers) I made, I wrote a, I wrote a song two weeks ago, I found a new artist I'm falling in love with. Process starts again. You create that business that The Rock starts, boom, you see a tequila company that you want that has nothing to do with The Rock. It starts again. Not to mention, within each step, this is kind of gonna get confusing, but within each step, the process is happening within each step. Within emulation, it's going emulation, assimilation, innovation. You're innovating in the emulation step. You're emulating in the assimila-... Like, it's all happe-... It's, it's a circle inside of a circle, inside of a circle, inside of a circle, over and over and over and over and over, which to me means that you've always been the North Star, you always will be the North Star-

Mel Robbins 41:48 Hmm.

Kendall Robbins 41:48 ... and it's just a trusting in the fact that you're just expanding. It's not getting somewhere, it's just... Like-

Mel Robbins 41:56 I, I, I to-

Kendall Robbins 41:56 Do you know what I mean?

Mel Robbins 41:57 I totally know what you mean.

Kendall Robbins 41:57 It's don't think about it as like...

Mel Robbins 42:00 I think about Brandy and Sarah Bareilles as a directional signal, not a destination.

Kendall Robbins 42:06 The process that I just went through, emulation, assimilation, innovation, in my senior project, if Brandy and Sarah are over here, I'm expanding this way, but then I, boom, there's something over there that I want that I'm expanding this way. Boom, there's something over there that I want, I'm expanding it there. Oh, there's something down here, I'm going this way. Ooh, there's something that way, I'm going that... Like, it's just a constant expansion of yourself, and I don't think that... If it helps you to think about it in a one, two, three, so be it, but I think the beauty of this process is that it's not about the destination that you get to because you're never going to arrive where you wanna be. Why do you think... This is something that my professors always tell me, but...... people like Bill Gates, people like all of the Motown artists that created some of the greatest records in the world, they're still making music. Some of the greatest scientists in the world are still trying to figure out different hypotheses that they come up with every day. Why do you think they're still doing that? They haven't arrived yet. There's always more to create, there's always more to get to, there's always more that you're gonna wanna be, and if they thought they'd figured it out, they would have stopped. (laughs) There would be no more music in the generations above you.

Mel Robbins 43:11 Well, it's not about figuring out, it's about the creative process itself.

Kendall Robbins 43:13 Yeah, exactly, and that's what this is. It's not about becoming the North Star, it's about-

Mel Robbins 43:19 You are the North Star.

Kendall Robbins 43:20 Yes. It's about just figuring out what you want to figure out in the world, and it's about figuring out what, what, what that even means. Well, yes, I'm, I'm my own North Star, but who am I? That's what this is about, not to get all-

Mel Robbins 43:34 No, I love getting all

Narrator 43:34 Woo-woo.

Kendall Robbins 43:34 ... woo-woo and higher power, but-

Mel Robbins 43:35 I love that.

Kendall Robbins 43:36 ... who am I? That's what we're kinda here to figure out.

Mel Robbins 43:39 Mm-hmm.

Kendall Robbins 43:39 And that's just what everyone else is trying to figure out.

Mel Robbins 43:41 Right. Well, and what, here's why I love tying the process of changing your life to the creative process, because you start to feel lost and disconnected and stuck in life and purposeless when you stop creating.

Kendall Robbins 43:55 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 43:56 And when you stop growing, and it's through the creative process of having something that you are drawn toward that you can help yourself grow, and you can keep yourself creating new things. And I would say that the reason why the Motown artists continue to create music, and the reason why researchers continue to research, and the reason why people that have won Pulitzer Prizes continue to do what they do is because it's not about the song or the prize, it's about the process itself that brings so much into your life.

Kendall Robbins 44:34 It's about the expansion.

Mel Robbins 44:35 Yes. Yes. And I've noticed that about you. Mm-hmm. I don't know I'm about to get really... (laughs)

Kendall Robbins 44:46 (laughs) Don't get emotional.

Mel Robbins 44:47 Well, I'm about to get emotional, because you used to be, and some days still are, but you used to be-

Kendall Robbins 44:56 (laughs)

Mel Robbins 44:58 ... the most tightly wound, gripped, "It's gotta be right, I'm scare-, like, it's gotta be right, it's gotta be right, it's got-" resisting-

Kendall Robbins 45:07 Mm.

Mel Robbins 45:07 ... this process.

Kendall Robbins 45:09 Mm.

Mel Robbins 45:10 And you know how you can see in somebody that you're very close to what their gifts are? Like, I can see that Amy can just open up the portal-

Kendall Robbins 45:22 Mm.

Mel Robbins 45:22 ... and tap into this higher power in just an extraordinary, magical, magical, magical way.

Kendall Robbins 45:30 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 45:31 And I could say that about La- I could say that about Jesse, who is one of the kindest, most thoughtful, like, the biggest heart I've ever seen in a human being. For you, I've known since you were born that you're an artist.

Kendall Robbins 45:49 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 45:49 And it's painful to watch somebody resist their own expansion, and what I witnessed that day watching you deliver this senior project is I watched you, like, really own it. And I personally believe that it was the framework

Mel Robbins 46:13 that he revealed that's been the framework for your last four years, the underpinnings of the program itself and the process that you went through. And it's no surprise to me that days before you were giving this presentation, he's like, "Well, what you're describing is these three pillars that the whole thing is." And then you could put it all together (snaps fingers) that that framework, in so many ways, liberates you from gripping because you can always locate yourself in it.

Kendall Robbins 46:40 Mm. And I also think... Thank you for saying all that, and I appreciate you seeing my progress (laughs) and seeing me. But I also think, I can speak from my own personal experience, but the expansion that I've experienced over the past four years, I thought and wanted to look a very different way. For example, when I got to USC, I was just a singer, and when I left, I expected to have an EP and 25 original songs, and maybe to even have played a bunch of shows, and to maybe be going on tour. Who knows? Dreaming big. That's what I wanted my expansion to be. But through this process and through surrendering to this process and trusting in this process, I've experienced expansion in ways I never knew that I would, and in ways that I'm so grateful for and would not trade 25 songs for in a heartbeat. And I think, yes, this process works. Yes, you can use this process. But you've gotta trust that even if the rock is your North Star, if it pulls you in a completely different direction, you've just gotta trust that if you stay in the process and you stay present and you stay grateful and you stay conscious of it, it's gonna lead you to where you need to go. Because I've learned so much about myself and about my artistry and about my humanity through this process that I never even knew was possible, and I still don't have 25 songs, and I'm still not going on tour, and I still haven't played that many shows.

Mel Robbins 48:12 (laughs)

Kendall Robbins 48:12 And I'm sure those are coming for me, but I would not trade those for the knowledge that I have about me and where I'm at and where I'm going for the fricking world.

Mel Robbins 48:22 What's the most surprising thing you learned about yourself through this three-part process?

Kendall Robbins 48:27 My hydrating eye patches are dry, which means it's time for them to come off. Um, I would say that my biggest takeaway after being at USC for four years and fr- from doing my senior project is understanding that my gift is not just my vocal cords and it's not just my ability to sing. And, yes, that is God-given, that is universe-given, and that is...... something that I'm so grateful for, and have no idea why someone gave it to me. (laughs) I'm so excited to use it and see where it takes me. But I've realized that my gift and my artistry is so much more complex and so much more dynamic than just these two little things in here, and that's true for every single person on this earth. I mean, my professors say this too, but you work on your artistry your whole life. You work on your career your whole life. You work on your family your whole life. But the art isn't that. The art is you. We are all works of art, and living this life and figuring out how to live and figuring out how to be more like your North Star, just like how to be you, or going through this process as just chiseling away at the sculpture that is just you. And I think USC has really helped me to actually see myself as that work of art, and to see that I'm just hopping on this ride of emulation, assimilation, and innovation, and I'm gonna ride this shit 'til I'm in the ground, babe. (laughs)

Mel Robbins 49:55 (laughs)

Kendall Robbins 49:55 And see where it freaking takes me.

Mel Robbins 49:55 Well, I'm gonna hook my caboose to that train, because the moment that you said "We are all works of art, and living this life and figuring out how to live and figuring out how to be more like your North Star is just like chiseling away at the sculpture that is you," that is so beautiful, Ken.

Kendall Robbins 50:14 You are the artwork. You get-

Mel Robbins 50:16 Yes.

Kendall Robbins 50:16 ... you can create it.

Kendall Robbins 50:17 You can paint your own life.

Mel Robbins 50:18 Yes. That was so cool. Thank you, Kendall. Thank you, Amy, for being here, and thank you for listening. And I have one more thing I want to add to this, because I just realized. You know how I end every episode by telling you that I love you and I believe in you? Well, I did that through this three-step process. 12 years ago, I heard Linda Cyot Wyman speak, and she talked about how she transformed this school by taking the speaker system in a public school and telling the students that she loved them and believed in them, and expected them to be back in public school the next morning dressed and ready to learn. Because she believed that all that anybody needed to learn and to succeed in life was hope, and hope comes from knowing that other people believe in you. And I was so moved by that, that I started emulating it, and then I assimilated it and tried it on in different ways, and then I innovated it. And so my sign-off to you was inspired by someone else, and I hope today, my mission today, was to have this conversation to inspire you to use this three-step process to find North Stars absolutely everywhere in your life, and start to emulate, assimilate, and innovate those characteristics, qualities, and skills, and make them your own. Because when you do that, you have the tools to creating a better life and a better version of you, and that's why I always tell you, "I love you and I believe in you," and I believe in your ability to do everything we talked about today. Now, go find that North Star and use it to inspire yourself to create a better life. I'll see you in a few days. Oh, one more thing. It's the legal language. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. (instrumental music) Hey, it's Mel. Thank you so much for being here. If you enjoyed that video, by God, please subscribe 'cause I don't want you to miss a thing. Thank you so much for being here. We've got so much amazing stuff coming. Thank you so much for sending this stuff to your friends and your family. I love you. We create these videos for you, so make sure you subscribe. Mwah.