The Mel Robbins PodcastHow to Get From Here to There: A Framework for Creating the Life You Want | The Mel Robbins Podcast
CHAPTERS
- 0:00 – 3:40
Turning “I can do it” into a roadmap: responsibility, belief, action, and your “it” (North Star)
Mel opens with a keynote story and breaks down why the phrase “I can do it” works: it forces ownership, belief, action, and clarity about what “it” is. She frames “it” as your North Star and argues that feeling lost usually comes from missing one (or more) of these ingredients.
- •“I” = personal responsibility; no one is coming to do it for you
- •“Can” = belief and self-trust
- •“Do” = action; progress requires behavior, not just intention
- •“It” = your North Star; without a clear “it,” you stay stuck
- 3:40 – 5:46
What a North Star is (and isn’t): inspiration can be famous, personal, or just one trait
Mel shares two North Star examples: The Rock for character and career energy, and a woman she met (Michelle) who inspired her fitness goals. They emphasize you don’t need to know the person, and your North Star can be one slice of someone’s life—not their whole identity.
- •North Stars can be celebrities, strangers, or everyday people
- •A North Star can be a single attribute (kindness, discipline, confidence)
- •North Stars function as beacons of hope and possibility
- •You’re allowed to choose what you admire and borrow selectively
- 5:46 – 10:00
Kendall’s goal and the USC framework: emulation → assimilation → innovation
Mel brings in Kendall to explain the method her USC program is built on for creating change and mastery. Kendall defines the three steps—emulate, assimilate, innovate—as a repeatable process to close the distance between where you are and where you want to be.
- •Kendall’s North Star goal: become a professional recording and touring artist
- •The three pillars: emulation (imitate), assimilation (practice/absorb), innovation (make it yours)
- •The framework applies beyond music to any life change
- •Having a North Star provides an anchor and direction
- 10:00 – 12:43
Emulation in practice: picking your North Stars and breaking them down into components
Kendall explains how she chose Sara Bareilles and Brandy and analyzed what makes them great. The focus is on deconstructing the target into observable traits and skills so it becomes actionable instead of intimidating.
- •Choose a North Star (person, outcome, or trait) and study it closely
- •Break down what they have that you want: skills, behaviors, qualities
- •Your North Star doesn’t have to be a full-life template—one sliver is enough
- •Examples: songwriting, producing, advocacy, collaboration, stage presence
- 12:43 – 15:50
A “tiny sliver” North Star: how Amy copied one phrase and changed her social warmth
Amy shares a small but powerful example of emulation from pop culture: adopting a kinder way of addressing people (“love”). The point is that change can start with micro-behaviors that you consciously borrow and practice until they become natural.
- •North Stars can inspire micro-changes, not just big life goals
- •Language choices can reshape identity and relationships
- •Courage is required to ‘try on’ a new behavior at first
- •Assimilation turns an imitation into a genuine habit
- 15:50 – 17:12
Assimilation and innovation through a body-goal example (Jennifer Aniston as a template)
Using a fitness ‘dream body’ scenario, Kendall walks through how to move from admiration to action. You research the routines, weave what fits into your life, then innovate a personalized approach because your body and circumstances differ.
- •Emulation: learn what your model does (e.g., yoga, food, routines)
- •Assimilation: integrate practices consistently into daily life
- •Innovation: adjust and personalize—your version won’t match theirs exactly
- •The goal is progress toward your own outcome, not copying perfectly
- 17:12 – 20:01
What to do next after choosing a North Star: build missing skills, then create your own work
Mel presses for a step-by-step after identification, and Kendall answers: the long middle is skill-building. Once you’ve accumulated capabilities and experience, you produce original output that naturally carries your own signature.
- •Post-emulation: identify what you don’t yet have and start learning it
- •Assimilation is the largest time investment (often years)
- •Innovation is the transition from learning to producing original work
- •Your output becomes a reflection of you—‘you’re the art’
- 20:01 – 22:19
How USC trains emulation: rigorous replication to learn the building blocks
Kendall describes how her program forces precise imitation across decades of music, grading students on accuracy rather than originality. Mel highlights why this matters: you learn fundamentals by reproducing excellence before you remix it.
- •Assigned repertoire from the ’50s to today; students emulate era-specific style
- •Graded on precision (phrasing, timing, technique), not personal flair
- •Emulation teaches the ‘building blocks’ of a craft
- •Structured constraints reduce overwhelm and clarify what mastery looks like
- 22:19 – 24:31
Reframing the ‘gap’: the journey is gain (lily pads), not loss
They discuss how discouraging it feels to compare yourself to a North Star—and Kendall reframes it. The space between you and the goal is where growth happens; each step is something you get to keep, like lighting up lily pads.
- •Kendall felt far from her North Stars—and still does—but views progress differently
- •“Gap” implies loss; the journey is an accumulation of assets and identity
- •Lily pad metaphor: each skill gained becomes permanent footing
- •Motivation improves when progress is framed as gaining, not lacking
- 24:31 – 26:48
“Want” vs “need”: language that creates abundance and momentum
Mel notices Kendall’s practical tool: break a North Star into categories (skills, character, career). Kendall corrects the language—use “want to gain,” not “need”—because “need” implies deficiency and triggers scarcity thinking.
- •Breakdowns make goals concrete: skills, character, career experience
- •Saying “need” reinforces a deficiency mindset
- •Saying “want” supports motivation, curiosity, and abundance
- •Reframing turns anxiety into a plan for growth
- 26:48 – 31:04
If you feel lost: declare what you’re graduating from, and North Stars will start appearing
Kendall suggests that a North Star can be a future version of you when no obvious person fits. Mel adds that simply deciding “I’m done doing it this way” invites new models, mentors, and information to show up—then you can start the framework.
- •You can use your future self as a North Star when you don’t have a person
- •First step when lost: choose something to move toward (or away from)
- •Mel’s example: shifting money mindset after past bankruptcy fear
- •Once declared, you start noticing teachers, peers, resources, and models
- 31:04 – 36:33
The Rock as Mel’s North Star: what she’s really emulating (character + team + constant reinvention)
Mel explains her ‘aha’ moment from a single Instagram post: The Rock isn’t doing it alone—he builds teams and evolves repeatedly. This moves her from admiration to actionable emulation: research, breakdown, and skill/structure-building.
- •The Rock’s appeal: generosity, humility, ‘for the everyday person’ character
- •Career pattern: repeated pivots—graduating and commencing new chapters
- •Key insight: scale comes from teams and systems, not solo effort
- •Emulation requires homework: dissect businesses, strategy, and structure
- 36:33 – 39:44
Assimilation is the montage: the 10,000-hour phase where change actually happens
Kendall clarifies the difference between studying a North Star and actually digesting it through practice. They describe assimilation as the long, beautiful middle—repetition, classes, experiments, and embodied learning that transforms you over time.
- •Emulation = identify and dissect; assimilation = practice and embody
- •‘Put it in an EpiPen and shove it in your leg’: fully internalize it
- •10,000-hour rule as shorthand for sustained deliberate practice
- •The middle is beautiful because it reveals new strengths and directions
- 39:44 – 44:35
North Stars are directional signals, not destinations: the process is a repeating circle of expansion
Mel asks when you ‘become’ your North Star, and Kendall challenges the premise. You never arrive; the process repeats in cycles, with North Stars functioning as signals that guide expansion in multiple directions as you evolve.
- •You won’t become your North Star—you become more fully yourself
- •The framework is cyclical, not linear; it restarts as you discover new aims
- •Innovation triggers new emulation (circles within circles)
- •“You are the North Star”: identity is continuously created and refined
- 44:35 – 50:18
Full-circle emotion and the core metaphor: you’re a sculpture—chiseling reveals the artwork
Mel reflects on watching Kendall stop gripping and start trusting the process, crediting the framework for helping her locate herself and surrender. Kendall shares her biggest realization: her gift is broader than singing—life is the art, and the process chisels out who you are.
- •Framework reduces perfectionism by giving you a place in the process
- •Expansion may look different than expected—and that’s the point
- •“We are all works of art”: change is chiseling the sculpture that is you
- •Trust, presence, and gratitude keep you moving even when outcomes lag
- 50:18 – 53:08
Mel’s closing: she built her signature sign-off by emulating, assimilating, and innovating
Mel reveals her own example of the three-step method: she borrowed the ‘I love you and I believe in you’ idea from educator Linda Cliatt-Wayman, tested it, and made it her own. The episode ends with a call to find North Stars everywhere and use the framework to create your next chapter.
- •Mel’s sign-off was inspired by Linda Cliatt-Wayman’s school leadership practice
- •She followed the same steps: emulate → assimilate → innovate
- •North Stars can provide hope and fuel transformation in others
- •Final call: pick a North Star and start building the better version of you
