The Mel Robbins Podcast

How to Have Better Sex: Your Guide to Romance, Intimacy, & Love From the #1 Sex Professor

Order your copy of The Let Them Theory 👉 https://melrob.co/let-them-theory 👈 The #1 Best Selling Book of 2025 🔥 Discover how much power you truly have. It all begins with two simple words. Let Them. — In this episode, you are going to learn how to have amazing sex, deeper intimacy, and create real, lasting love. If you’re not having sex, or if sex feels like one more thing on the to-do list, this is what you need to hear right now. Today, Mel sits down with Dr. Nicole McNichols, PhD, a University of Washington professor who teaches the most popular class on campus – which is about human sexuality. There is a reason she is the country’s #1 sex professor. Her message is simple: nothing is “wrong” with you. You were just never taught how desire actually works, what turns you on, or how women’s pleasure is even designed. Dr. McNichols will change the way you think about arousal, orgasm, and intimacy, including the mind-blowing truth that women’s anatomy has been misunderstood for decades. Did you know the clitoris wasn’t fully mapped until the early 2000s? This episode is the sex advice women actually need. This is not another conversation about how to please your partner, it’s not about performing, pushing through, or “fixing” yourself. It’s about pleasure, connection, and learning the skills that make sex feel good again at any age, and in real life. You will learn: -Why desire often shows up after you start, and what to do when you love your partner but “don’t feel like it” -The biggest sex misconception keeping couples stuck (and how to rebuild without pressure) -What most people never learned about the clitoris, arousal, and why penetrative sex alone isn’t the main path to orgasm -How to stop faking orgasms and start communicating in ways that actually work -The simplest way to rebuild intimacy when you’re exhausted, stressed, or parenting with zero privacy -What to do if menopause, dryness, or pain is making sex feel impossible (and why you should not just “live with it”) -How to get out of your head if body image has hijacked your sex life -How to date again and rebuild confidence after a long dry spell, without forcing yourself into hookups If you’ve ever thought, “I’m too tired,” “I love them but I’m not in the mood,” “It hurts,” “My body changed,” or “It’s been so long I don’t even know where to start,” this episode will give you language, relief, and a way forward. Dr. McNichols’ book is You Could Be Having Better Sex and after this conversation, you will. For more resources related to today’s episode, click here for the podcast episode page: https://www.melrobbins.com/episode/episode-369/ Follow The Mel Robbins Podcast on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themelrobbinspodcast I’m just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is NOT intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I’ll see you in the next episode. In this episode: 00:00 Meet the Guest 5:49 The Science-Backed Health Benefits of Great Sex 13:12 You Can Get Better in Bed: Simple Habits That Improve Your Sex Life 21:48 Foreplay Tips 23:46 The Orgasm Gap 26:57 Does Penis Size Matter? 28:06 How Long Does It Take to Orgasm? 30:35 How to Stop Faking Orgasms: What to Say to Your Partner 36:47 How to Improve Sex in a Long-Term Relationship 41:00 Sexual Fantasies Explained: Does a Fantasy Mean You Really Want It? 48:07 Is Sexuality Fluid? Exploring Attraction, Identity, and Sexual Orientation 50:53 Kink 101: How to Add Kink Into Your Sex Life 53:40 How to Find the Clitoris: A Simple, Accurate Guide 1:01:14 A Guide to Clitoral Orgasms: How to Give and Receive Pleasure 1:08:48 Painful Sex During Menopause: Causes, Solutions, and What Helps 1:17:11 Navigating Hookup Culture: How to Explore Casual Sex Without Forcing It 1:24:11 Do Only Men Want Casual Sex? The Truth About Desire (Men vs. Women) 1:25:51 How Busy Parents Can Rebuild Intimacy With No Time or Privacy 1:29:50 Overcoming Body Image Anxiety During Sex — Follow Mel: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melrobbins/ TikTok: http://tiktok.com/@melrobbins Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/melrobbins LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melrobbins Website: http://melrobbins.com​ — Sign up for Mel’s newsletter: https://melrob.co/sign-up-newsletter A note from Mel to you, twice a week, sharing simple, practical ways to build the life you want. — Subscribe to Mel’s channel here: https://www.youtube.com/melrobbins​?sub_confirmation=1 — Listen to The Mel Robbins Podcast 🎧 New episodes drop every Monday & Thursday! https://melrob.co/spotify https://melrob.co/applepodcasts https://melrob.co/amazonmusic — Looking for Mel’s books on Amazon? Find them here: The Let Them Theory: https://amzn.to/3IQ21Oe The Let Them Theory Audiobook: https://amzn.to/413SObp The High 5 Habit: https://amzn.to/3fMvfPQ The 5 Second Rule: https://amzn.to/4l54fah

NMDr. Nicole McNicholsguestMRMel Robbinshost

Feb 12, 2026·1h 37m·Watch on YouTube ↗

📖 CHAPTERS

1. 1

   Why sex deserves priority: pleasure as a life skill (and not a “treat”)

   Mel Robbins and Dr. Nicole McNichols set a new frame: sex isn’t a bonus or obligation, it’s a form of pleasure that supports well-being. They emphasize that better sex is attainable for tired people, long-term couples, and anyone feeling self-conscious or “rusty.”

2. 2

   Science-backed benefits: health, resilience, and relationship satisfaction

   Dr. McNichols explains research linking satisfying, consensual sex to physical health and psychological resilience. She also highlights that improving sex can lead to later improvements in relationship satisfaction—not just the other way around.

3. 3

   The sexual growth mindset: you can learn, experiment, and improve

   They introduce the idea that sex is a learnable skill, shaped by experimentation and changing preferences over time. Dr. McNichols contrasts a growth mindset with “sexual destiny beliefs,” which assume sex can’t improve.

4. 4

   Desire doesn’t always come first: responsive desire and non-sexual touch

   A major misconception is that great sex must start with intense spontaneous desire. They normalize ambivalence and explain that desire often appears after affectionate contact begins—especially in long-term relationships and for exhausted partners.

5. 5

   Foreplay and the broken script: why the orgasm gap persists

   Dr. McNichols critiques the common heteronormative “kissing → penetration → his orgasm → over” script. She explains how extended warm-up, emotional connection, and broader sexual menus reduce the orgasm gap and improve satisfaction.

6. 6

   Women’s pleasure 101: the 18% fact, clitoral stimulation, and normalization

   A key sex-ed gap: only a minority of women orgasm from penetration alone. They discuss how this misunderstanding fuels shame, “feeling broken,” and widespread orgasm faking.

7. 7

   Body myths & penis size: genitals vary, porn distorts norms

   They address insecurity about genital appearance and penis size, emphasizing normal variation and porn’s influence. Dr. McNichols shares average erect length and stresses that size isn’t the determinant of pleasure.

8. 8

   Timing, pressure, and performance: how long orgasms take (and why it’s normal)

   Dr. McNichols explains typical orgasm timing differences in partnered sex and reframes “taking longer” as normal. They also highlight that goal-focus and performance pressure often reduce pleasure.

9. 9

   Stopping fake orgasms: honest communication and learning your own arousal map

   They explore why many women fake orgasms (protecting a partner’s feelings, ending sex, avoiding awkwardness) and how it blocks real improvement. Dr. McNichols offers concrete communication tactics and a path to rebuild trust and pleasure.

10. 10

    Better sex in long-term relationships: micro-novelty, mood-setting, and gratitude

    They discuss how to revive intimacy without becoming a different person. Dr. McNichols introduces “micro-novelty” and emphasizes gratitude, appreciation, and small shifts that keep long-term sex vibrant.

11. 11

    Fantasies without shame: what you imagine vs. what you want

    Dr. McNichols normalizes sexual fantasies and explains they often reflect emotional needs (desire, novelty, thrill) rather than literal plans. They use threesomes and “public sex” as examples of common fantasies that don’t require real-life enactment.

12. 12

    Sexuality can be fluid: attraction, identity, and bisexual stigma

    They discuss research showing sexuality can be multidimensional and change over time. Dr. McNichols highlights cultural stigma (especially toward bisexuality) and normalizes exploration without pathologizing uncertainty.

13. 13

    Kink 101: consent, communication, and safe exploration

    Dr. McNichols challenges myths that kink is inherently unhealthy or caused by childhood trauma. She stresses that kink communities often model best practices for consent, boundaries, and ongoing check-ins that can improve all sex.

14. 14

    Clitoral anatomy masterclass: external + internal structures and the “G-spot” reframed

    Using a model, Dr. McNichols explains the full clitoris (external glans and internal structures) and why “don’t gun it for the clit” matters. She reframes the “G-spot” as internal clitoral stimulation and clarifies technique and location.

15. 15

    Menopause, painful sex, and libido: medical options + relationship context

    A listener question prompts discussion of dryness, burning, and pain during menopause. Dr. McNichols emphasizes that sex shouldn’t hurt and reviews supports like lube, vaginal estrogen, and hormone therapy considerations—alongside stress, labor imbalance, and resentment as desire killers.

16. 16

    Dating, hookups, and rebuilding confidence after a dry spell

    They address how to return to intimacy after years single without forcing unwanted hookups. Dr. McNichols explains “hookup culture” dynamics, highlights motivation as the key predictor of satisfaction, and gives language for clarifying expectations.

17. 17

    Busy parents with no privacy: practical intimacy strategies that work in chaos

    They tackle the reality of kids, exhaustion, and limited time. Dr. McNichols reframes intimacy as beneficial for parenting and suggests workable tactics—like earlier timing and protecting a small “couple-only” window.

18. 18

    Body image anxiety during sex: sexual mindfulness and shifting the focus to sensation

    They address how body shame pulls people into self-judgment during sex, disrupting arousal. Dr. McNichols recommends sexual mindfulness—returning attention to breath, sensation, and connection—plus realistic self-acceptance rather than forced body positivity.