Remember THIS When The World Feels Overwhelming | The Mel Robbins Podcast

1. 0:00 – 0:38

   Intro

   1. MRMel Robbins0:03

      Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to a special and important episode of the Mel Robbins Podcast. Ah, I am so glad that you are here with me. I just wish that you were here, like, physically with me 'cause I kinda wanna hold your hand. I could use a hug right now. Why could I use a hug? The news. I am so overwhelmed and saddened by everything that is going on in the news right now, and I have had such a heavy heart all day that I thought, "You know, this show is syndicated in 194 countries around the world, and

2. 0:38 – 2:52

   Things feel scary right now; I want you to listen to this.

   1. MRMel Robbins0:38

      you may be listening in one of those regions where there is a lot of conflict, where things are extraordinarily scary." And I started to feel very helpless and overwhelmed by the fact that it seems like the world is just spinning out of control, and I thought, "What am I gonna do? What can I do? How can I help?" And so I asked myself, "If I could talk to one person today, one person who I know could help you and me feel a little more empowered, a little more connected to ourselves and to love and to our ability to face whatever it is that's going on, who would that be?" And there was only one name that popped in my head, and that name is Dr. Thema Bryant. Dr. Thema is a gift, and I thought, "I have to get her on the show." She's a psychologist, a minister, a tenured professor at Pepperdine University. In 2023, she was named the very first Black female president of the American Psychological Association, and every time I hear her speak, it's like I can feel my soul exhale. And so earlier today, I DMed her in a panic, "Dr. Thema, do you have 10 minutes to spare? Would you be willing to talk to me about how we can stay connected to ourselves and connected to hope and to each other in such a scary moment in time?" And she wrote right back and said, "I'll be there." And she's exactly who we need to hear from. She completed her doctorate in clinical psychology at Duke University and her postdoctoral training at Harvard Medical School's Victims of Violence program. Her New York Times bestselling book Homecoming is all about how you overcome fear and trauma and reclaim your whole authentic self, and Dr. Thema is here to teach you that even when things seem so dark, there is light inside of you, inside of me, and inside of other people. She's here to teach

3. 2:52 – 4:32

   Even if you can’t feel it right now, there is light inside of you.

   1. MRMel Robbins2:52

      you simple things that you can do if you're in the middle of turmoil right now, whether it's in your community, in your family, in your nation, and she's also here to talk to you if you feel overwhelmed by what's going on and you don't know what to do about it. And all I can say is thank God she's here 'cause I need to hear her wisdom and her love as much as you do. So please help me welcome Dr. Thema Bryant to the Mel Robbins Podcast. Dr. Thema, I'm so happy you're here.

   2. TBDr. Thema Bryant3:28

      Oh, hello, hello. So good to see you.

   3. MRMel Robbins3:32

      It is so good to see you. Thank you for making time for me and for every person listening, uh, in the middle of a very, very busy schedule, but you were the one person that I really wanted to talk to today.

   4. TBDr. Thema Bryant3:46

      Oh, I'm so glad you reached out and so glad you're, you're addressing this because everybody is in it.

   5. MRMel Robbins3:53

      When you really take a look at your work and the research that you've done, the ministry that you pursue, the psychological counseling that you give to people, and I think about your New York Times bestseller, Homecoming: Overcome Fear and Trauma To Reclaim Your Whole Authentic Self, you have this very unique gift to give all of us where, as we're going through something that is collectively traumatic, whether you are experiencing

4. 4:32 – 5:21

   How we handle traumatic events unfolding in front of us.

   1. MRMel Robbins4:32

      it in your community or you're watching it unfold in the media, there is still a way to stay connected to your authentic self. How do you do that when something is playing out in real time?

   2. TBDr. Thema Bryant4:50

      Mm-hmm. It is so important for us to learn to honor and be in touch with our own feelings.

   3. MRMel Robbins5:00

      Hmm.

   4. TBDr. Thema Bryant5:01

      And a part of the way we do that is bodily awareness because our bodies are telling the story. Our bodies are giving us information, and sometimes we are ignoring that. So when I wanna know how I feel, then how's my heart feeling? You know, how is my rest? How's my appetite? Have I lost my appetite,

5. 5:21 – 6:28

   The 3 physical signs you are feeling disconnected from yourself.

   1. TBDr. Thema Bryant5:21

      or have I noticed I'm doing a lot of emotional eating? Am I more irritable and I am, you know, quickly, uh, responding to people in this kind of aggressive way, or have I shut down and I have no words? So paying attention to way, to the ways in which you're showing up to life, to the day can help me to have an understanding of myself and then to connect the dots between how am I feeling and what's causing that. Uh, journaling is wonderful, and I will say some people use social media as their journal. They are processing it as they're writing it. That's each person's decision. Uh, we can also use our artistry. Uh, those who are open to therapy, whether you're already in or willing to seek it out, being able to make the connections between the larger story and my individual story-

   2. MRMel Robbins6:13

      Hmm.

   3. TBDr. Thema Bryant6:13

      ...uh, because it, it lines up. It intersects what is happening there.... is also to a certain level happening within me, and it is a way of, when I say homecoming, is to tell myself

6. 6:28 – 9:14

   The powerful concept of “homecoming.”

   1. TBDr. Thema Bryant6:28

      the truth and then live based on that truth. So, I will not lie to myself and say, "With all of this going on, oh, everything's fine, and how are you?" Or, "I'm blessed, and how are you?" No, how am I really doing? And in the truth, that begins my liberation and my healing.

   2. MRMel Robbins6:44

      What do you do when you're in a moment in your life where the world around you feels like it's falling apart, or is terrifying or overwhelming?

   3. TBDr. Thema Bryant6:56

      There is so much that is going on globally and nationally and locally, and in people's own living rooms, and it's, uh, really aligned that this week is, uh, International Mental Health Day, Global Mental Health Day. And so as we look at everything that's happening, a big piece is to release our self-judgment. Often, we think, "I'm the only one that's overwhelmed."

   4. MRMel Robbins7:24

      Mm-hmm.

   5. TBDr. Thema Bryant7:24

      Or, "I'm the only one stressed out," or, "I'm the only one who either can't stop crying or cannot access my tears." And so the first message is just that everyone is feeling it. We just show it in different ways. And so we need to create for ourselves a soft place to land. And the way I become a soft place to land is releasing my judgment about how I should feel or how I should act, because based in our own life experience, it shows up differently.

   6. MRMel Robbins7:57

      (smacks lips) How does it show up for you when you feel like the world around you is spinning out of control?

   7. TBDr. Thema Bryant8:05

      Yes. So for me personally, it's challenges with sleep-

   8. MRMel Robbins8:10

      Mm.

   9. TBDr. Thema Bryant8:10

      ... because there is so much to think about, so much to consider, uh, so much to feel. And then those of us who are parents, sometimes during the day, you're on and focused about their care, and once they are in s- th- once they're in bed, then you can start to process on a deeper level, uh, what you have seen throughout the day. Uh, so that is one of the ways. And then, uh, another way for me is looking for, uh, community and creating connection.

   10. MRMel Robbins8:41

       Mm.

   11. TBDr. Thema Bryant8:41

       And we know that social support is what we call it, is so key, because during these times, people can feel so isolated and so alone, and that we also do need our rest. And so one of the things we talk about is mindfulness, or Dr. Shelli Harrell has developed soulfulness. It is this idea of really being present, uh, so that when we are questioning meaning or purpose, instead of going to that place of thinking nothing matters, instead to

7. 9:14 – 11:35

   Do this now to relieve your overwhelm.

   1. TBDr. Thema Bryant9:14

      say, "I wanna make this moment count. I wanna be present. I wanna show up for life." Because life is fragile in the sense of you don't know how much time you have for the most part, and we see that happening, uh, across the globe. And so being present with self-compassion is a incredible and necessary way for us to release some of the overwhelm.

   2. MRMel Robbins9:42

      I love that you said that, because one of the things that I worry about is that when the news in particular is extremely dark and overwhelming, it's easy for people to become nihilistic and pessimistic or overly anxious. And I love that your counsel is to really create a soft landing for yourself, because you can't lose hope, and you can't lose sight of the fact that there is still life to live, and there is love, and there is goodness in the world, and there are better days ahead. And I don't say that to gloss over some of the very serious issues in the news right now. But I love that you're talking about this, because I think about it from the standpoint of, you know, if you (sighs) get too paralyzed by the trauma or you get overwhelmed by things that you really can't control, it's going to impact your ability to make decisions, your ability to protect yourself and your family, your ability to take care of yourself through this period that we're in right now. And so do you have recommendations for how people can stay connected? Because I also worry that people tend to, you know, look at the news nonstop, and it's one way that you think that you're connected, and yet it can really pull you into a hole.

   3. TBDr. Thema Bryant11:20

      Mm-hmm. Absolutely. So it is integral, uh, an integral part of our healing, is finding the balance for yourself of, "I want to be informed, but not overexposed,"

8. 11:35 – 14:19

   When do we go from being informed to overexposed?

   1. TBDr. Thema Bryant11:35

      right?

   2. MRMel Robbins11:36

      How do you know the difference?

   3. TBDr. Thema Bryant11:37

      Yes. Yeah. Well, you feel it in your body, where I, if I don't know anything that is happening in the world, then I have checked out, uh, and so then I'm not informed. I'm not taking my part in, in this human family. And so it is, uh, important to get a sense of what is happening. The overexposure, if I am on a 24-hour news cycle, and especially when that news cycle is visual, because then nonstop I am taking in the imagery and the sounds of violence and death. And so needing to give ourselves, uh, permission to not watch it all day.... uh, that the number of hours or minutes I consume it is not the measure of my care.

   4. MRMel Robbins12:28

      Mm.

   5. TBDr. Thema Bryant12:29

      Right? And so, I- I wanna get a sense of what is happening, especially as we're talking about these global issues, 'cause there's long history there, and I love the humility that I've seen from several people online asking the questions or saying they're confused or they don't understand. Um, and I think even those who feel like they know it all well, often we know our journey well, what has other people's journey been. And so, uh, just to say to yourself, "I wanna know what is happening in the world because I care, and, uh, I don't want to make that the only thing I consume."

   6. MRMel Robbins13:12

      Mm.

   7. TBDr. Thema Bryant13:13

      And we are such layered, complex beings, uh, and so to have the fullness of each other's stories, then we have to see each other beyond the trauma headlines.

   8. MRMel Robbins13:27

      I love that. Is there a difference between the process of coming home to oneself when you are actively in the middle of something that is out of your control versus the process of a homecoming that is due to past trauma, or feeling disconnected from your life?

   9. TBDr. Thema Bryant13:49

      Yes. There is a homecoming that happens when we are post-trauma, and the term, uh, PTSD was developed with veterans, so it would be the idea that I experienced child abuse but now I'm an adult. I was in an abusive relationship but then I escaped, and so then I'm coming home to myself and that piece is over. But there's another type of homecoming when we're talking about continuous traumatic stress.

9. 14:19 – 15:32

   What is continuous traumatic stress, and are we experiencing it right now?

   1. TBDr. Thema Bryant14:19

      If we live in a community where there are always things happening, or we live in a region in the world where there is perpetual conflict, then it is how do I stay near to me while the world is spinning around me?

   2. MRMel Robbins14:36

      Mm.

   3. TBDr. Thema Bryant14:37

      And that is important as well because some of us do not get the luxury of everything being post. Uh, so to say to myself, "I have to wait for all of this to be over to reconnect with me," would be a lifetime and perhaps generations before that can happen. So instead to say, uh, "While I am aware that there is hostility, while I am aware that there is harm, even for some while I am aware that there is war, that in the midst of that, I see my own humanity and I see that my care is necessary and I cannot wait for all of this to be over before I nourish myself." I find ways to nourish myself and my community, those I love, even as we're living through it.

   4. MRMel Robbins15:30

      Do you have one or two recommendations

10. 15:32 – 17:32

    The 2 ways to nourish yourself when you’re in the middle of it all.

    1. MRMel Robbins15:32

       of ways somebody could nourish themselves when they are in the middle of it?

    2. TBDr. Thema Bryant15:36

       Yes. So when the trauma is ongoing, one of the ways that is accessible, and I think about that especially when we're considering globally that, you know, what are the resources that are present? Uh, one of the ways that bring us home to ourself, uh, is our- our spiritual practices.

    3. MRMel Robbins15:57

       Mm.

    4. TBDr. Thema Bryant15:57

       And whether for people that is, uh, meditation, whether that is prayer, whether that is gathering with people of a similar faith, whether that is reading a sacred text, and for some people that may be about connecting with nature. And if I can't access the nature physically, even the visualization to see myself in those spaces at the beach or sitting under my favorite tree, um, or that, um, reminder of us being connected to that which is greater than we are. And so spiritual practices in the midst of conflict, war, violence, uh, have been a refuge for many people and also a source of hope, uh, that things can get better, and then I would, uh, also say, uh, in psychology we have what we call narrative therapy which is the telling of our stories.

    5. MRMel Robbins16:54

       Mm.

    6. TBDr. Thema Bryant16:55

       And so even in the midst, um, of war, of conflict, of community violence, when we can come together with each other and tell our truths and recognize that we aren't judged or rejected for talking about what we have been through and how it has affected us, we heal in relationship with each other, and so seek out people with whom you can tell your truth and they will honor you for it.

    7. MRMel Robbins17:23

       Dr. Thema Bryant, for somebody listening that may be in the middle of it in their community, what is some

11. 17:32 – 21:21

    Do this to feel more hope.

    1. MRMel Robbins17:32

       hope that they can lock onto to rise above what's happening right now and tap into the energy of humanity and connection and love?

    2. TBDr. Thema Bryant17:44

       Yes. This moment does not have the final say on my life or the life of my community. This is a moment, and so we are mindful that we take in the truth. We're not in denial. We see what is, but we know that that does not mean this is all that can ever be. And then I would also say in closing trauma affects us but it doesn't define us. My heart feels the weight but there is still lightness available to me. There is still softness available to me.And I don't wait for it from out there. I give it to myself from in here.

    3. MRMel Robbins18:32

       Thank you for explaining the difference between how you create a homecoming when the trauma is in the past, versus the things that you can do to come home to yourself when you're in the middle of it. I appreciate you validating that it's a collective experience, that whatever is happening there does, to some extent, happen in here for you if it's impacting the way that you feel. Could you give us a couple other examples of what a soft landing might look like? How you can be a soft landing for yourself-

    4. TBDr. Thema Bryant19:10

       Yes. Yes.

    5. MRMel Robbins19:11

       ... in an overwhelming moment in your life?

    6. TBDr. Thema Bryant19:14

       Yeah. So one of the ways is with community care and community connection by inviting authenticity into the space, then we soften it for all of us, right? So both of us just shared something that could be vulnerable or personal in terms of how this is impacting us, and when we share and when we hear each other sharing, it puts breath in the room.

    7. MRMel Robbins19:42

       Mm.

    8. TBDr. Thema Bryant19:42

       It gives spaciousness there, for there to be actual care, as opposed to the idea of, "I just want people for their labor," or, "I'm not even seeing the people who are in my circle or in my cubicle or in my life." So I create a softer place by showing up with softness, by showing up with honesty, by seeking real connection and real relationship, and sometimes it may not even be people who you know, uh, deeply. I had to call today to get my garage door fixed, and the guy who came over is from, uh, the region in the Middle East and has been, uh, affected and, and glued to his television, and was like, "Oh, I'm so sorry for, like, dumping all of this on you." But these moments where we see each other, uh, is, is necessary and it reminds us of the sacredness of now.

    9. MRMel Robbins20:39

       Which also elevates you from the position of darkness to realizing that there is still connection, there is still love, there, uh, is still humanity-

    10. TBDr. Thema Bryant20:51

        Mm-hmm. Yeah.

    11. MRMel Robbins20:51

        ... despite all of the terrible things that are going on as you and I are talking about this. One other thing I was curious if you had advice about is if somebody is listening and they feel guilty if they're not glued to the TV, or they feel guilty if they feel numb, or feel like they just can't handle even talking about it, how do you-

    12. TBDr. Thema Bryant21:15

        Mm-hmm.

    13. MRMel Robbins21:15

        How do you handle guilt in a moment like this?

    14. TBDr. Thema Bryant21:18

        Yes. So one

12. 21:21 – 24:30

    How to navigate uncertainty and be a part of the solution.

    1. TBDr. Thema Bryant21:21

       of the things that is important, especially from a framework of liberation psychology, is to seek out, "How can I be a part of a solution?" This might not be a global solution, but, "How can I do my part, um, in being of service, um, of sharing? Whether it's my, my time, my resources, my heart, or some people who pray, my prayers. Um, what, what is a way that I can be present in this that is within, um, within my capacity?" Right? And so, you know, I see a number of offerings, uh, being made, whether they are posts of support, or as a psychologist, seeing psychologists who are offering, uh, support groups for those who are worried or grieving about their relatives, um, who are in the areas of conflict. And so given what I have, and even when that's just a little bit, instead of consuming more, how do I figure out how to care for myself and for others? And that can give us a sense of meaning. And then as it relates to the judgment around our emotions, uh, in mindfulness, we talk about, uh, releasing judgment about our own symptoms, right? Because if I feel numb and then I'm upset with myself for feeling numb, I have doubled my problems, right? As opposed to, "I'm numb and I'm just aware of it, that they, I have faced so much loss," or, "These last couple years have been so much that I'm aware I'm not really feeling." And I can just be aware of that without a criti- criticism, right? Without a judgment. But instead, can I look at that with compassion and with grace, to say, "Given my life's journey, however I'm feeling, it makes sense"?

    2. MRMel Robbins23:26

       You are such a gift, Dr. Thema Bryant.

    3. TBDr. Thema Bryant23:30

       Aw.

    4. MRMel Robbins23:30

       And one of the things that I am gonna hold from this conversation is, first of all, that visual of being that non-judgmental soft landing-

    5. TBDr. Thema Bryant23:40

       Yes.

    6. MRMel Robbins23:40

       ... for myself. And you also gave us this beautiful visual of really thinking about the input that's coming in and whether or not that is truly helping you feel like your authentic self, and perhaps if it's not, focusing on an output of compassion or service or connection to others that will restore that connection back to that part of you that gets lost when you start to see things around you that are so overwhelming and scary.

    7. TBDr. Thema Bryant24:15

       Mm-hmm. I am so grateful for this moment, and I feel like this moment is a part of, like, what we can do, is, "What can I do with what I have?" Or even people, as I said, who are on social media who just post their,

13. 24:30 – 29:18

    Why you need to care in a way that works for you.

    1. TBDr. Thema Bryant24:30

       uh, messages of support, um, and compassion, that people receive that and, and it helps because what many people are looking for is, "Does anyone care?"

    2. MRMel Robbins24:42

       Yes.

    3. TBDr. Thema Bryant24:42

       "Does anybody care?"

    4. MRMel Robbins24:44

       Yes. And I also love that you gave us permission to care in ways that don't look like getting consumed with anxiety-

    5. TBDr. Thema Bryant24:54

       Yeah.

    6. MRMel Robbins24:54

       ... and getting overwhelmed-

    7. TBDr. Thema Bryant24:56

       That's right.

    8. MRMel Robbins24:56

       ... by the news cycle, that there are ways to care deeply without it severing that connection to your power and to your heart and to other people.

    9. TBDr. Thema Bryant25:09

       Yes. Yeah, and it is important to imagine and reimagine a future. You know, hopelessness puts us in a place where I cannot imagine things being any better than they are right now.

    10. MRMel Robbins25:23

        Hmm.

    11. TBDr. Thema Bryant25:24

        And so to push back on that, it is to reawaken, uh, my own imagination, even if I have never seen it in my community, I have not seen it in my nation, in my... To stretch myself to begin to visualize, what would it look like for people to be safe? What would it look like for people to be free? What would it look like for, uh, respect and for dignity, uh, to be for, for all people? And that's what can help us to keep moving forward.

    12. MRMel Robbins26:01

        Well, I'm gonna stand in that with you, Dr. Thema Bryant. Thank you so much for spending a few moments with us to give us some things that we can do right now to support ourselves and also truly show that we care-

    13. TBDr. Thema Bryant26:19

        Yes.

    14. MRMel Robbins26:19

        ... about one another, about love, about peace, about freedom, about respect, about goodness, about all of it, because we do.

    15. TBDr. Thema Bryant26:28

        We do. I appreciate you so much. Thanks for having me.

    16. MRMel Robbins26:32

        Thank you.

    17. TBDr. Thema Bryant26:34

        You are welcome.

    18. MRMel Robbins26:35

        Dr. Thema Bryant. Thank you. Oh, I just felt my soul exhale and my shoulders drop. And I just wanna thank Dr. Thema for making time for you and me. I wanna thank you for being here. We're going to re-release that interview that we did with Dr. Thema about the process of homecoming and how you can overcome fear and trauma and reclaim your whole authentic self. We're gonna release that as the very next episode, because I believe that it will be one of the best things that you could listen to for yourself right now. Because I know the reason why you listen to this is because of your interest in improving your life, and that's why I'm here. I'm here because I love you, and I believe in you, and I believe in our collective ability to stay connected through the hardest of things and to lift each other up and to continue to remind one another that there are simple things that we can do to stay connected to our whole authentic self and the truth of what's happening. That even when the moment feels very dark, when you stay connected to your authentic self, you also stay connected to the truth and to your commitment to peace, to love, to connection, and to the light. I'll talk to you in a few days. Oh, and one more thing. And, no, this is not a blooper. (laughs) This is the legal language. You know, what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I'll see you in the next episode. (instrumental music) Hey, it's Mel. Thank you so much for being here. If you enjoyed that video, by God, please subscribe 'cause I don't want you to miss a thing. Thank you so much for being here. We've got so much amazing stuff coming. Thank you so much for sending this stuff to your friends and your family. I love you. We create these videos for you, so make sure you subscribe. Mwah!

Episode duration: 29:18