Reset Your Mind & Soul: How to Find Peace When Life Feels Overwhelming

Mel Robbins 0:00 (instrumental music plays) Have you ever read something and thought, "How do they know exactly what I'm feeling right now?" Writing so powerful you just keep coming back to it again and again? Today, you're gonna meet a number one New York Times best-selling writer whose work and words have helped millions of people, including me, be happier, heal, and live a more peaceful and fulfilling life. He writes under the pen name Yung Pueblo.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 0:25 We live in such a fast-paced world that it really does feel like a form of rebellion to slow down. It's an investment in your own inner peace.

Mel Robbins 0:34 People say you're afraid to feel your emotions. I think most of us just don't want to deal with them. What do you say to somebody who feels that way?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 0:41 The biggest factor in your healing is not time. It is your ability to face emotions that you used to run away from. You can crave distraction because you're afraid to feel your emotions, and when I was very much committed to running away from myself, the medicine was giving myself my own attention. If I'm running away from my emotion, I have to feel it. If I'm lying to myself, I need to start telling myself the truth. You can honor the truth of your emotions without letting them control you. I mean, that's the beginning of a different life.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:21 (clock ticks)

Mel Robbins 1:21 Diego-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:22 Wow.

Mel Robbins 1:22 ... welcome to Mel Robbins' podcast.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:24 Thank you so much, Mel. It's an honor to be here.

Mel Robbins 1:27 You know, I've never met somebody in real life that has a pen name.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:33 Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Mel Robbins 1:33 And so I feel almost like I'm doing something wrong by calling you Diego. (laughs)

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:39 (laughs) No, Diego's the right name, that's the name my mother gave me, but Yung Pueblo's a pen name. Having a pen name just helps me be really honest. It helps me be in touch with what's true and what's difficult about my own story, and just have the freedom to really go deeply into suffering, the suffering that we all experience.

Mel Robbins 1:59 Wow. Well, what I'd love to have you do is I'd love to have you speak directly-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 2:04 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 2:05 ... to the person who is with us right now, they're somewhere in the world-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 2:09 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 2:10 ... and they've found and made the time to be here with you and me and learn from you and learn something about themselves. Could you share with them what they might experience about their life that could be different if they take everything you're about to teach us today to heart?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 2:29 If you're gonna come hang out with us today, I think the main things that you're gonna get are inner peace, a new sense of gratitude, and new clarity around how to best show up in your relationship.

Mel Robbins 2:42 Wow. Okay. You're, we're gonna accomplish that in this conversation.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 2:46 I think we should try. Yeah, let's do it.

Mel Robbins 2:48 I think we're gonna do it, actually.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 2:50 Yeah. (laughs)

Mel Robbins 2:50 You know, Diego, you say that you don't need to hit rock bottom to become the best version of yourself.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 2:58 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 2:58 What do you, what do you mean by that?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 2:59 I think a lot of times we think about transformation in a much more dramatic context where we have the idea of rock bottom and we think that we need to actually hit it to become the best version of ourselves, but I've seen it done a lot of ways. I went through my own rock bottom, but I've also seen my wife and different friends change their lives for the better without necessarily hitting a rock bottom. It more so is a moment of awareness when they realize, "Oh, I could do things a little bit better. I can create a much more peaceful atmosphere in my own mind and have that show up in my life."

Mel Robbins 3:33 What's interesting is do you think that the rock bottom moment for you is what also made you go, "I don't think I wanna let it get that bad. I wanna start noticing-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 3:45 Oh, yeah.

Mel Robbins 3:45 ... sooner"?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 3:45 Oh, totally. It was either, it was either change or die, honestly. I mean, for me it got really bad. I, you know, hit a rock bottom that was driven by my inability to feel my own emotions. Like I was so afraid of my emotions that I would chase after drugs and alcohol and get myself to a point where, you know, my body was breaking.

Mel Robbins 4:07 Would you read us the poem that you've written about this?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 4:11 "I was never addicted to one thing. I was addicted to filling a void within myself with things other than my own love."

Mel Robbins 4:19 What does that mean?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 4:22 It means that when you don't have self-love, you end up finding these superficial things to run away from yourself, and I didn't know how to deal with my own pain; the pain of growing up in poverty, the pain of, you know, seeing my parents fight to figure out how to pay the rent, to put food in the fridge. Just seeing this constant struggle filled me with so much anxiety, so much sadness, but I had no real way to process it. So what ended up happening was I just developed a lot of bad habits to run away from myself.

Mel Robbins 4:54 One of the reasons why I love your story so much, and I didn't know a lot of your backstory. I had just followed you online for years, but I was excited to talk to you because there are so many people around the world that listen to this show-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 5:06 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 5:06 ... who are in their 20s or have people in their 20s in their families that they're really worried about, and it makes it so relatable. So can you kind of put us at the scene of when this-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 5:17 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 5:17 ... breakdown started to happen?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 5:19 Yeah. So it was from, um, 20, from when I was 20 years old to about 23 was the rock bottom-

Mel Robbins 5:26 Okay, so you're in college.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 5:26 ... moment. I'm in college. I'm sort of just, you know, lost in this space of trying to run away from myself as fast as possible. So what I would notice was that whenever I would feel these intense emotions, when I would feel sadness, when I would feel, um, anxiety, what I would do was I would roll up another joint, drink, go out to parties, stay around people, make sure that I was never alone, just trying to avoid myself as much as possible. And really, it just felt like whenever the tension was too big inside of me, I had to run. I had to run because I was scared of what was inside.

Mel Robbins 6:01 Well, what's interesting about the word run-... is that if you haven't stopped to think about this for yourself, or if you're listening or watching right now and there's somebody in your life that is either struggling or they're not thriving in their life-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 6:17 Oh, yeah.

Mel Robbins 6:17 ... right?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 6:18 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 6:18 And you're not quite sure-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 6:20 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 6:21 ... how to reach them, you s- don't stop and think about what the experience is like, 'cause there is so much friction and tension in your life when you're not thriving. I mean, nobody's an idiot.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 6:34 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 6:34 You know when you're not doing well. But when you use the word run, what you're basically saying is in those moments, here you are in college-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 6:45 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 6:45 ... you wake up, you feel a sense of tension. You can't handle that feeling, so you reach for the joint.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 6:51 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 6:52 You're alone.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 6:53 Exactly.

Mel Robbins 6:53 You start to feel self-conscious or lonely. You can't handle that feeling, so you reach for the drink. You don't like being on your own, 'cause then you get lost in your thoughts, so you are constantly reaching for friendships or toxic f- relationships, or for a lot of people, it's like social media, it's this-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 7:11 Right.

Mel Robbins 7:11 ... constant need to fill something.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 7:14 Yeah. And it's some form of distraction, right? You're trying-

Mel Robbins 7:17 Okay.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 7:18 ... to just busy your mind with something external-

Mel Robbins 7:20 Mm-hmm.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 7:21 ... so that you don't have to face the reality within. And it becomes really challenging, because you can fall into that level of survival mode where it becomes dangerous. It just becomes dangerous to your livelihood, and I could feel over that, that period between 19, 20 to 23, I could feel my body falling apart. It was just getting weaker and weaker and weaker until it was that rock-bottom moment where I was on the floor crying. I could feel my heart breaking. I, like literally, like I talked to a doctor a week after, explained to them what happened. They said it sounded like a mild heart attack. And I could feel how my body was completely out of rhythm, and if I kept going in this direction, I was going to die.

Mel Robbins 8:07 Was there something that happened? Like, you know, 'cause you hear a story like this and you're like y- what, what was going on?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 8:14 It was, it was like a slow car crash. It was... And it just got to the point where my body couldn't handle all the drugs. You know, it wasn't just like, uh, marijuana and alcohol. It was like different pills, cocaine, like really whatever I could get my hands on. And putting all of that into your body at once, your, your body's gonna say stop.

Mel Robbins 8:34 Well, what's interesting about it is that people, when you hear a story like this, focus on-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 8:42 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 8:42 ... the alcohol-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 8:43 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 8:43 ... or you focus on the drug.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 8:45 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 8:46 But where you started was that there were all of these experiences that you had growing up-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 8:52 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 8:53 ... whether it was being an immigrant-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 8:55 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 8:55 ... or having a family that was dealing with poverty, or watching your parents fight, or I would imagine also struggling with a sense of belonging-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 9:04 Right.

Mel Robbins 9:04 ... in all-white communities. Like, just lots of this stacked up that never gets processed.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 9:11 Yeah. I think there, there, uh, I think it would've been a very different situation if this was happening now versus in, you know, 2010, 2011, because it was just a very different culture. Like, there was no self-love movement back then. There was no... You know, I didn't know anybody who meditated. I also didn't know anybody who was seeing a therapist. So, there are these tools that are so widely available now and much more part of the culture. It wasn't like that back then. So, from my whole time growing up, you know, I got to this country when I was, uh, four years old, I just had no way to process my emotions, especially the difficult ones.

Mel Robbins 9:53 So, if the person that's listening is really resonating with this, whether it's with the reaching for something, whether it's alcohol, or weed, or distraction, or the phone, or-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 10:05 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 10:06 ... toxic relationships, you're like constantly reaching for something-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 10:09 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 10:10 ... or they're dealing with this emotional pain. You know, you're starting as you listen-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 10:14 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 10:14 ... and you watch, you're going, "God, that I, I've had a lot of that stuff happen."

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 10:19 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 10:19 "I've never talked about it. I haven't gone to therapy. I, I've never wanted to look at that thing." What's the very first thing you want the person who's watching or listening to do right now to start healing?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 10:32 I think you really want to start realizing that you can crave distraction because you're afraid to feel your emotions. And when I was very much committed to running away from myself, the medicine was giving myself my own attention. That's why in that, that poem that I just read, it was... I, I really wasn't addicted to anything. Like, once I really started slowing down and paying attention to my emotions and giving myself that very active form of self-love, where I'm just accepting my own emotional history, the alcohol didn't have hold over me. The cocaine didn't have hold over me. It was just... I was trying to fill my s- this void that was really deeply seeking my own attention.

Mel Robbins 11:14 That's so interesting.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 11:16 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 11:16 You know, 'cause people say you're afraid to feel your emotions. I think most of us just don't want to deal with them.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 11:22 No. (laughs)

Mel Robbins 11:22 You know? It's easier to smoke the joint-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 11:24 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 11:25 ... and, you know, eat the gummy or have the beer than it is to pause-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 11:29 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 11:30 ... and just feel boredom, or frustration, or sadness-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 11:35 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Mel Robbins 11:36 ... or loneliness. I mean, I know I'm certainly guilty of that. But this is why you say healing starts with self-awareness, not distraction. But we live in this world that's moving faster than ever, and facing your emotions, I think, it kind of feels impossible-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 11:54 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 11:54 ... because there are so many distractions and because there are so many emotions that people are feeling right now. What do you just say to somebody who feels that way?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 12:03 We live in such a fast-paced world that it really does feel like a form of rebellion to slow down, but the reason that you want to slow down is you have to recognize that it's an investment in your own inner peace. I think I, I distinctly remember the moment where I finally slowed down, the first time where instead of rolling a joint, I sat on my bed, and I could feel the anxiety coming up. And instead of rolling a joint, I just challenged myself. I said, "Sit on the bed."... just feel what's coming up even if it's scary, even if it's boring. Even if you wanna be distracted, just sit there for five, 10 minutes and just feel what's happening. And this was before I learned how to meditate or anything like that. I just knew-

Mel Robbins 12:48 What gave you that idea to do that?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 12:50 Oh, it was clear. It was like, "If I'm going to live, I need to do the opposite of what was taking me towards death." So if I'm running away from my emotion, I have to feel it. I have to feel these emotions. If I'm lying to myself, I need to start telling myself the truth. And if I'm, like, you know, gathering all these habits that are just making me sicker, I need to do the opposite and start feeding myself strength.

Mel Robbins 13:13 What was the lie you were telling yourself?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 13:14 The lie was really simple. It was that everything's fine, that I'm okay, that I'm gonna be totally fine. And I was just avoiding that truth, that actually I don't feel that good. I'm not okay, and I have to pay attention to myself. I wanna read you this passage about healing. "The biggest factor in your healing is not time. It is your ability to face emotions that you used to run away from, bringing your attention inward with presence, breathing into the emotions. And not attaching yourself to what's arising will help the heaviness evaporate. There is freedom in the subtle act of feeling your truth without clinging to it."

Mel Robbins 14:08 What does that mean to you?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 14:10 It means subtlety, and I think that's one of the difficult things about this quick time period that we're in, where everything is moving so fast, is that it's so easy to sway from extreme to extreme. But what we don't realize is that you can honor the truth of your emotions without letting them control you. You can feel the sadness without jumping into actions that you will later regret. You can feel the anger without just letting the narrative swim in your mind and create some fake stress that doesn't really need to exist. So having that reclamation of your power to just feel the emotion, be with it without letting it take control of your actions, I mean, that's the beginning of a different life.

Mel Robbins 14:56 I love the word subtle.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 14:57 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 14:58 It is so powerful, because you've talked about how even the word suffering doesn't have to imply-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 15:09 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 15:10 ... some rock bottom moment, that suffering is when you go through life with so much friction, and frustration-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 15:19 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 15:19 ... and stress over the little things-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 15:22 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 15:22 ... that stress becomes your state of life.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 15:25 Exactly.

Mel Robbins 15:26 And what's amazing and hopeful about what you're saying is if we can just focus on the subtleties-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 15:33 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 15:33 ... of managing your response to your emotions in the moment, that opens up a whole new door-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 15:43 When you-

Mel Robbins 15:43 ... to a different life, right?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 15:44 Right. When you open yourself up to subtlety, you start seeing that peace is in the gray area. It's not in the black and white. It's not always yes or no. Sometimes, it's just to observe. Just feel what's happening in you without just letting your mind run into different narratives that can create your, you know, a new level of stress for yourself.

Mel Robbins 16:06 You know, you describe this moment where you were sitting on that bed, and you said to yourself, "Just sit here for five minutes."

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 16:16 Yeah, yeah. (laughs)

Mel Robbins 16:16 "Don't roll the joint."

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 16:18 Yeah, yeah. Do the boring thing.

Mel Robbins 16:20 "Just do the opposite-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 16:21 Just... Yeah.

Mel Robbins 16:22 ... of what you always do, which is reach for something else-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 16:27 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 16:28 ... and just observe."

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 16:30 Right. No distraction, just feel. And it really helped me see that my emotions and my mind felt like... You know how, like, when you're a child, and you start sleeping in your own room, and you're, like, really scared of the dark, and you're looking in the corner, and it feels like some ghoul is there? That-

Mel Robbins 16:49 Or for me, the clown under the bed?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 16:50 Yeah, exactly.

Mel Robbins 16:51 Yes, I just imagined that I... like, there was-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 16:53 No.

Mel Robbins 16:53 ... something under the bed.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 16:54 That's how... That was my relationship to my emotions. They were so frightening, that they, they were like a nightmare in my mind. But then when I actually said, "It's time to face it, just feel it," it didn't feel good, but it was okay. It was much better than I thought. It was way less scary than what I had sort of cooked up in my mind.

Mel Robbins 17:15 So what about the person who's so used to chaos... This was me, by the way-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 17:20 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 17:20 ... so this is a question for myself. (laughs)

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 17:22 (laughs)

Mel Robbins 17:23 But it feels like stability. Like, I am so used to darting to the grocery store, and then making the phone call, and then being on my phone, and then running to that store, and then picking up this thing, and then getting on that Zoom call, and da da da, and then running the kids, and then feeding the dog, da da da. That that is what feels like stability, right? Or is that a lie I'm telling myself?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 17:45 I think one thing you have to ask yourself is, "Are you disconnected from the present moment? Are you really present with your loved ones? Can you really enjoy a conversation with a dear friend?" I think if you're missing out o- on all of that because you're thinking about what you need to do next, then you really have to train yourself to reconnect with the present moment, because you're really missing out on the most joyful parts of life. So you can still get a lot done, but don't miss what's right in front of you.

Mel Robbins 18:12 So if you had asked me that a couple years ago, the answer would have been, "No, I'm not present. No, I am not connected. No, I am not cultivating any sense of peace, because I am powering through everything I need-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 18:28 Right.

Mel Robbins 18:28 ... to do, and I'm stressed at every moment, and I feel pressure to get it all done, and I feel worried-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 18:33 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 18:33 ... about everything around me." And you're saying-... that if you focus not on the bigness of it all, but on the subtlety of what's available to you-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 18:46 Right.

Mel Robbins 18:46 ... at any moment, that is how you begin to create peace?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 18:50 Absolutely. This is a universal truth, that the greatest joy that you will find is going to be in the present moment. The greatest wisdom that you will find, it's gonna be in the present moment. Your happiness, you're gonna find it in your... the present moment. You're not gonna find it in your past memories, you're not gonna find it in what you're craving about in the future. But joy, peace, happiness, these things arise in the present moment. So, if you're totally disconnected from the present moment, you're not letting yourself get the juiciest parts of life.

Mel Robbins 19:22 There's a poem that you wrote about this. Can you share it with us?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 19:26 Sure. "When chaos is all around you, the wisest choice is to create peace within you. Inner peace is not always a pristine calmness. Sometimes it is accepting the tension inside of you without reacting to it, literally feeling it without reinforcing it, and then moving gently through your day."

Mel Robbins 19:55 What does that mean? Can you give us a couple examples of how you can really create that peace within you in the middle of a modern chaotic world?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 20:04 I think one of the most beautiful moments of self-awareness that you can have is when you realize that, "Oh, I'm... a l- a little bit of tension is moving through me today. I feel some anger. I feel some sadness. I'm still mad about the conversation that I had yesterday with my boss," but you're honoring that truth while still intentionally moving forward through the day with gentleness. You're being kinder to yourself. You're being aware of the words that you're giving to other people. And you're not compounding it. You're not making it worse. You're not letting that tension just snowball into, like, something much bigger than it really needs to be. Really, it just needs its space to evaporate. And I think when you have that level of awareness, a hard day can become a lot easier.

Mel Robbins 20:50 You know, I don't know if you're aware of it as you're listening to Diego or watching us right now, but I guarantee you, (laughs) if you just come into this moment, check your shoulders.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 21:03 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 21:03 'Cause I bet... Like, I just noticed-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 21:04 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 21:04 ... as you were talking, you said the word tension. I'm like, "Oh, I'm fe-"

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 21:08 (laughs)

Mel Robbins 21:08 My- my shoulders are basically so hiked up they could be-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 21:10 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 21:10 ... earrings on my ear lobes right now.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 21:13 (laughs)

Mel Robbins 21:13 And so, I just, like, took a deep breath and dropped my shoulders because I think it creeps into-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 21:18 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 21:18 ... your life in ways you don't realize it. Whether it's gripping the steering wheel too tight, or being frustrated that somebody's talking too loud in a cafe, or annoyed that somebody scheduled a Zoom meeting at 4:30 and you were hoping to sneak out at 4:00. Like, all those moments are invitations to do what you're gonna teach us to do, which is to, instead of buying into chaos, take a beat-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 21:46 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 21:47 ... and create a little bit of peace within yourself. Like, protect yourself from that chaos.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 21:52 Yeah. And that peace can start in the body. I love that you're pointing that- that back to, you know, are your shoulders up, are you tense, because when you intentionally bring that awareness to the body and relax, it l- gives the mind a bit of peace.

Mel Robbins 22:09 Is there a particular, like, mindset shift that changed the trajectory of your life? Because you went from sitting-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 22:19 Oh, yeah.

Mel Robbins 22:19 ... on a bed and not rolling a joint-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 22:21 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 22:22 ... as that moment where things changed. You had this insight of, "I- I'm- I'm not okay."

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 22:29 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 22:29 "I'm gonna stop lying to myself."

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 22:31 Right.

Mel Robbins 22:31 "I'm not okay. And since I don't know exactly what to do, I'm just gonna do the opposite of what I've been doing."

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 22:37 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 22:39 And is there a- another mindset shift? 'Cause those are all small shifts in the way that you-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 22:46 Totally.

Mel Robbins 22:46 ... look at the world and yourself, but is there another one that changed the trajectory of your life?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 22:50 Absolutely. The biggest one, and the one that I'm probably going to be learning throughout the rest of my life-

Mel Robbins 22:54 Uh-huh.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 22:55 ... is embracing change and how I need to work with the universe instead of against it. When I go away to... and meditate in these long 45-day silent retreats-

Mel Robbins 23:06 Wait, hold on. You go on 45-day silent retreats?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 23:10 Yes. I've done 45 days twice, 30 days three times.

Mel Robbins 23:14 What is that like? Does your mind go silent? Are you constantly talking to yourself?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 23:20 The mind gets pretty powerful. Yeah, I mean, it's loud in the beginning, and after some time, it does calm down significantly, and it becomes, like, a really powerful microscope. And we don't quite realize that we have a sample of the entirety of the universe in our body. And when we turn that attention inward and we start noticing, like, "What is this universe composed of?" the main thing that pops out is change. This universe is composed of change. And when we look at this universe, whether you're looking at the cosmological level, at the conventional level that you and I exist on, the atomic level, everything is flowing and changing and moving forward. So, if you f- if you fight that, it's gonna hurt. And if you embrace change, you're going to be able to flow and move with life. So, to me, it's, like, one of the most fundamental things that I've learned in my life is that if I'm struggling, I'm probably not embracing change.

Mel Robbins 24:17 Ooh. Wow. So, it sounds like the transformation started with that one decision, "I'm gonna sit here."

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 24:26 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 24:27 Then you made another, "I'm not gonna lie to myself. I'm not okay."

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 24:31 Right.

Mel Robbins 24:31 "I don't wanna feel like this." And after you put the joint down, you then said you started focusing not on the past or how you felt in the moment but-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 24:38 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 24:38 ... "What are the things I could start to do that are the opposite? I could take better care of myself. I could stop the drugs. I could start exercising. Just kind of building better habits."

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 24:49 Right.

Mel Robbins 24:49 And this is all before you became a meditation master. This is just, like, you're a college guy-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 24:55 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 24:55 ... trying to pull yourself together.But how did the writing begin?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 24:59 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 24:59 Like, "I got a lot of popcorn popping upstairs, so-"

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 25:02 Yeah. Yeah.

Mel Robbins 25:02 "... maybe I should write some of this down." Is that kinda what started happening?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 25:05 Yeah. And then my intuition started roaring. My intuition was like, "Look, you are not perfectly healed, you are not perfectly wise, but you are taking steps forward, and it's worthwhile to openly reflect." And that's when I started-

Mel Robbins 25:20 Now, had you ever journaled before?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 25:21 No, never journaled. And... But I just started feeling all of these quotes, and sentences, and reflections pop up in my mind. And it started also with little essays. And I was really just processing. I was like the, the reflections were me trying to understand, like, what, what is attachment? Like, what is love? How can I be a much kinder version of myself? I thought to myself, "Well, let me see if this makes sense to other people." So, I started putting them into black and white images, sharing them online with little essays underneath, and I saw that people were also in the midst of building their self-love.

Mel Robbins 25:59 You write a lot about... online, how the foundation of any really solid relationship is the relationship you have with yourself. Why is that?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 26:08 I mean, if you are disconnected from yourself, you're gonna have a really hard time connecting with another person. And I noticed that. As soon as I started meditating, I was faced with that truth of, "Wow, my relationships were so superficial because I was so far away from myself." As soon as I started telling myself the truth, just living in this new honesty, I saw that I was able to show up in all of my relationships, not just with my wife, but with my parents, with a new level of honesty to have a better sense of presence with them.

Mel Robbins 26:40 You know, when I hear you talk about this, I think a lot about high school and college and law school.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 26:46 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 26:46 And I don't have a lot of really close friends from those years of my life.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 26:51 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 26:51 And I can look back and now say, it's because, like you, I had a lot of pain and a lot of emotion-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 27:00 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 27:01 ... that I didn't know how to process.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 27:03 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 27:04 And the thing that kept me distracted was constantly being in a new relationship-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 27:10 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 27:10 ... constantly needing to be dating somebody, constantly needing to be with the person that I was dating.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 27:16 Right.

Mel Robbins 27:17 And it makes so much sense that if you're disconnected from yourself, which I was-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 27:23 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 27:24 ... you can't build strong relationships-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 27:27 No.

Mel Robbins 27:27 ... which is why I didn't.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 27:28 No. And the person is always going to feel a little far away, and you won't quite realize that that distance is measured equally to the distance that you are far away from yourself.

Mel Robbins 27:39 There's a poem of yours that I read about this that I just loved. Could you share it with us right now?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 27:45 "You cannot build a deep connection with someone who is disconnected from themselves."

Mel Robbins 27:53 How do you know if you're in a relationship with someone else who's disconnected from themselves?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 27:59 I think the primary way is if they really struggle with vulnerability. I think that's how you know. If you can be honest with yourself, if you have that strength, then you can potentially, in a safe space, show that honest version of yourself, that vulnerable version of yourself. But if they really struggle to open up and just share their highs and lows with you, then there is a bit of disconnection there.

Mel Robbins 28:26 What's the number one lie about relationships that people believe?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 28:30 "It's a total lie that relationships are supposed to be easy. You have to learn how to love each other well while the relationship shines a mirror on the ways you each need to grow. This is a big challenge to accept."

Mel Robbins 28:46 Let's talk about that.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 28:48 Totally. I think these romantic comedies have totally spoiled the culture. And they're very enjoyable, but when that's all you're fed, when all you see over and over and over again is people coming together only after they have had one challenge and then it ends happily ever after, that slowly makes you think that love is gonna solve everything. But the reality of love is that that is only the beginning. That just shows that there's a very strong connection there, that I can feel very strongly for you, so I say, "Yes, I love this person." But do I know how to care for them? That's something wholly different. Learning how to care for someone means trying to really understand your emotional history, understanding your triggers, learning the ways that you like your happiness to be supported. That takes time. That doesn't just happen overnight.

Mel Robbins 29:45 Yeah, I think it's a very big, um, fad right now-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 29:49 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 29:49 ... to hear people say (laughs) , "Oh, well, we broke up 'cause they have a lot of healing to do."

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 29:58 Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Mel Robbins 29:58 Or, you know-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 29:59 (laughs) .

Mel Robbins 29:59 "... I- I, I'm on my healing journey."

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 30:01 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 30:02 Which is, of course, what we're talking about, but there's something performative about it-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 30:08 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 30:08 ... a- when people say it a certain way.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 30:10 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 30:11 But do you think it is true that you gotta find somebody who's healed or you gotta find somebody that you can heal appropriately with, or-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 30:21 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 30:21 ... how do you think about that? 'Cause we're all-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 30:23 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 30:23 ... on a spectrum-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 30:25 Totally.

Mel Robbins 30:26 ... of our own journey to become a better version of ourselves, to deal with our emotions, to understand our past-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 30:33 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 30:33 ... to become who we're meant to be. So, we're constantly colliding with other people who are-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 30:39 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 30:39 ... not whole and never going to be, 'cause we're always gonna be changing. So, how do you think about this?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 30:45 This really comes back to our theme of subtlety and understanding the balance between... Like, you're never going to be perfect for a relationship. So, waiting to be perfectly healed, you could be waiting your whole lifetime.A lot of healing can happen while you're learning how to develop a harmonious relationship. So, I write often. You know, you don't need to wait for things to fall into this perfect place. If you find a deep connection, what matters is that, do they have the willingness to grow? Because if I'm in a relationship, very quickly that mirror is going to be in front of me, and I'm going to see what I'm good at and what I'm not good at. So, am I willing to grow into a better version of myself so that I can best support your happiness?

Mel Robbins 31:35 When I think about this topic, I believe all relationships are part of your healing process.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 31:44 Mm. Yeah.

Mel Robbins 31:45 Even the really bad ones, because they teach you something.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 31:50 Right.

Mel Robbins 31:51 Even the ones that break you apart, and I think we've all been in those.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 31:54 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 31:55 They teach you how to repair yourself. They teach you what the baseline is that you won't go back to.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 32:03 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 32:03 They teach you boundaries.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 32:04 Right.

Mel Robbins 32:04 They teach you self-respect. And so, when I started to think about if you look backwards and you assess everybody you've been with, they have all been a part of you growing into-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 32:16 Totally.

Mel Robbins 32:17 ... the person that you're becoming. And when I look at it that way, I have a lot less judgment of myself-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 32:23 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 32:24 ... especially when I was the really toxic one in the relationship-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 32:27 Hmm.

Mel Robbins 32:28 ... that it was all part of the process that we all go through-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 32:32 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 32:32 ... that we are colliding with people all the time, and they do serve a purpose-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 32:37 Totally.

Mel Robbins 32:37 ... whether it seems so or not.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 32:40 Yeah. I love hearing that, too, because that humility, like, that's what helps you grow, is like you're not always going to get it right. And especially when you're with someone during one of the darker periods of your life, like of course you've- I'm sure you did plenty of things wrong. We all have. And understanding who we were is not going to dictate who we will be-

Mel Robbins 33:01 Mm.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 33:01 ... because we have that power to open up new chapters, like we've been talking about. But it's im- it's just critical to understand that you need to throw away perfection. Throw away this idea of perfection and, but let it combine itself with this understanding that even though you don't have to be perfect, you can still grow. There are still qualities that you can develop. There are still things that you can improve on.

Mel Robbins 33:24 What's the biggest red flag in relationships?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 33:28 If they are constantly overestimating their capacity and saying they will do certain things but end up not showing up, this is a sign that they struggle to face their own truth.

Mel Robbins 33:43 What does that mean to you?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 33:45 I think it just, you know, you- you have to really have a good relationship with honesty and just be able to say what you can do and what I can't do. I think that's one of the key things about relationships, is both people understanding that, "I am the creator of my own happiness." Right? I can't make my wife happy. I can do my best to add joy to her life. I can do my best to support her happiness. But ultimately, happiness is a mindset that you need to cultivate within yourself. And once you do cultivate that, you have a much clearer sense of like, "What are my boundaries?" You know, "How much can I actually do in one day? How can I support your joy?" And without that, you know, you get a bit lost.

Mel Robbins 34:29 Well, and if you have somebody who's not lying, who's lying to you-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 34:31 Yeah. (laughs)

Mel Robbins 34:32 ... you don't know where you stand.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 34:33 Totally.

Mel Robbins 34:34 So, let's talk about the green flags. What are the biggest green flags in a relationship?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 34:40 The three biggest green flags are growth, kindness, and compassion. If they are consistently kind, if they care about growing, and if they can see beyond their own perspective, then this is someone worth your time and energy.

Mel Robbins 34:58 Mm.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 35:01 Yeah, I think these- these three elements, kindness, growth, compassion, like what we've been talking about, growth is essential. You're g- if- if you're going into a relationship, you're going to have to embrace the fact that you need to cultivate new qualities. Uh, the o- the aspect of kindness is critical because you want, you don't wanna forget to be sweet to your partner. You wanna keep that gentleness there. But then the other critical aspect is a very specific type of compassion, where you are stepping outside of your own perspective to witness the perspective of another person. That is the essential rule that helps resolve arguments. If the both of you can see each other, which means stepping outside of your own perspective, then you can have solutions.

Mel Robbins 35:47 You have a beautiful poem that's all about the signs of a good and healthy relationship.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 35:53 Mm.

Mel Robbins 35:54 Can you share it with us?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 35:56 Yeah. Attributes of a good relationship. Calm communication. Hold space for each other. Honesty. No need to perform. Trust is strong. No need to control. Rest, laugh, and adventure together. The love between you is empowering. Commitments to each other are clear. Both have the space to heal and grow. Flexible. No need to always be together.

Mel Robbins 36:39 Why do you think we keep repeating the same patterns in love-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 36:44 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 36:45 ... even when we know these patterns are hurting us or people that we care about?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 36:51 Because for most of us, craving and attachment are the default. So, that makes us very, you know, inflexible, and it keeps us back in the survival mode. It keeps us in our old patterns. And to literally break away from the past, like, that takes energy, and it nee- it takes repetition. That's what we don't understand about the mind, is that all of these habits come from repetition, even the good ones.

Mel Robbins 37:16 So, you've said you've built a home-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 37:18 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 37:18 ... with another person a few times. That resonated with me. But what does it actually mean to you?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 37:26 I want to unpack this more by reading something I wrote to you, Mel. "I have built a home with another person a few times now, always expecting it to be a lasting haven. As the storms came and went, the homes would show their weakness and eventually come apart. Being left with the dread of sadness and the hollow feeling of unwanted new beginnings, it has finally dawned on me that if I build a home within myself, a palace of peace created with my own awareness and love, this can be the refuge I have always been seeking."

Mel Robbins 38:03 How do you know if you are guilty of constantly trying to find a home within someone else? What does that feel like? How do you start to identify-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 38:14 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 38:15 ... "Oh my gosh-"

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 38:15 It's-

Mel Robbins 38:15 "... like, I'm seeking this from somebody else"?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 38:18 It's very clear. It's if you're, if you're constantly trying to externalize your happiness, if you think that your happiness is solely coming from the TV show you're watching, from the person that you're with, if your happiness feels fully dependent on another person, then there's a lot of disconnection there, and you're not taking ownership over your own happiness.

Mel Robbins 38:39 So, does that mean if you're somebody that's obsessed with finding a significant other, or obsessed with getting married, or like, you just feel like until that thing happens, there's something wrong with you? Like, how do you, like, start to really see that, "Wait a minute. All I want is to build a home with somebody else-"

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 38:57 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 38:57 "... which is a beautiful thing to do"?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 38:58 Totally, totally. Those are fine goals to have, but you have to understand that once you get those goals, they will be evermore fruitful if you already have a home within yourself, if you already enjoy your own friendship with yourself, if you have, um, a sense of joy when you're alone, if you're able to walk without being distracted all of the time. I think these things, you know, the relationship, the marriage, it becomes more fruitful when you have been... spent time cultivating a mindset of happiness on your own.

Mel Robbins 39:31 Well, this one really resonated with me because especially in my teens and 20s, before I met my husband and started doing a lot of work-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 39:40 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 39:40 ... to face the things that I didn't like about myself so that I could feel comfortable in my own skin-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 39:46 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 39:46 ... and feel at home with myself, um, I, 1000%, used the next relationship as a way to-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 39:55 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 39:55 ... feel secure, the next relationship-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 39:57 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 39:57 ... as the thing I poured my energy into-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 39:59 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 39:59 ... the next relationship as the home I was going to nest in-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 40:05 Right.

Mel Robbins 40:05 ... to the utter, like, destruction of strong friendships, my health-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 40:12 Mm.

Mel Robbins 40:13 ... my studies and school, all of it.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 40:15 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 40:15 And so, I can see it for myself. I wonder if there's other examples of where you and either people that follow you and write to you or in some of the work that you do with individuals or in researching this latest book, examples of kind of signs that you may be guilty of doing that too.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 40:37 If you can't slow down and you can't befriend the present moment and you're almost too goal-oriented, where you have to accomplish the next thing after another after another, whether that's, you know, get in the partnership, or chasing the next bonus, or chasing the next sort of external validation, then something's missing internally.

Mel Robbins 40:55 Yeah, and I think what I would add to that is that when I look backwards, I see that, uh, every one of these relationships kind of had an arc.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 41:03 Mm.

Mel Robbins 41:04 Hot and heavy, the chase, the attraction-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 41:06 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 41:06 ... all that stuff, and then all of a sudden-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 41:09 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 41:10 ... once the newness was over, the discomfort-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 41:15 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 41:15 ... the frustration, the friction inside of me-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 41:19 Mm.

Mel Robbins 41:20 ... the agitation, the restlessness started to rise up. And I would immediately go, "Oh, well, this is a sign that this person is not my person."

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 41:29 Yeah. (laughs)

Mel Robbins 41:30 And then I would end it-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 41:31 Yeah, yeah.

Mel Robbins 41:32 ... and reach for the next one because the chase and the attraction and being-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 41:36 Mm.

Mel Robbins 41:36 ... in something new, in and of itself, became its own distraction.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 41:42 Yeah, I think that's one of the things that I really enjoy writing about, is that there are so many aspects of relationships that are just mundane, especially when you start going into something that isn't as new and is much more of a long-term relationship. Like, what you're gonna spend time doing is like cutting vegetables together, sitting on the couch, like, solving a bunch of logistical problems. And there is sweetness in that simplicity that we overlook because we're constantly chasing highs-

Mel Robbins 42:11 Mm.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 42:11 ... but the reality is that a lot of, uh, like, a really healthy relationship will be boring at times. And we have to teach ourselves, like, if we want a long-term relationship, you have to teach yourself to appreciate the highs and the lows.

Mel Robbins 42:24 You know, you actually write about this. You've written that a lot of relationships don't start off harmoniously.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 42:30 No.

Mel Robbins 42:30 What can be a normal, rough beginning versus a sign that something's off.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 42:35 Yeah. Let me read you one of the most popular things I've ever written and posted online. "Some relationships do not have harmonious beginnings. There is an undeniable pull that brings the two together, but there is also a distance between them created by their unhealed hearts. The space within them, filled with the unknown and unseen, causes miscommunication between the two, friction, and sometimes even unintentional pain. How can they treat each other well when they are still mysteries to themselves? The shift comes when both commit to turning inward to heal and know themselves. Naturally, this brings them closer together and elevates the love and support they share."Yeah, when you come into a relationship, you have to realize that there's probably still a bunch of healing to do. And especially when you get in front of a really good partner that you want to build something with long-term, it's going to show you that there are deeper triggers, deeper trauma that you probably haven't even dealt with yet. So oftentimes, to be able to make the relationship successful, you do have to go into your own healing journey as you move with the relationship, and that, that's one thing that became really clear to my wife and I, was that the two of us choose to be together, but we're not one entity, right? We're almost like two flowing rivers that have chosen to exist side-by-side each other, and we both saw that the first part of our relationship, it was chaotic. It was a constant blame game. We were constantly pointing fingers at each other, and a lot of that was because we just had a bunch of ar- unresolved stuff. And as we started building that self-awareness, slowly harmony started coming into our relationship.

Mel Robbins 44:26 You know, I think about it almost like there's you, there's your partner-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 44:33 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 44:34 ... and then there's a third-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 44:36 Oh, totally.

Mel Robbins 44:36 ... person in the relationship, and that's the marriage-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 44:39 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 44:39 ... or the relationship.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 44:40 Right.

Mel Robbins 44:41 And that is each of you are working on becoming who you want to become.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 44:47 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 44:48 You also need to be working on that intersection of who you are together. I say to my, my kids that it's so easy to get caught up in the shiny stuff-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 44:59 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 45:00 ... and to chase all the things that modern life becomes obsessed with, the looks, the money, the likes, the this, the title, the that. But at the end of the day-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 45:09 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 45:10 ... 80% of it is does this person feel like home base?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 45:14 Mm.

Mel Robbins 45:14 You know, like, when you come home at the end of the day-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 45:15 Right.

Mel Robbins 45:15 ... and walk through the door-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 45:18 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 45:18 ... is there friction and tension, or do your shoulders drop and you feel a sense of peace?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 45:23 I mean, that's how you know. That's why it's, like, I always talk about, you know, there's three guides inside you. There's your intuition that's pointing you forward like a compass. It's taking you to the best version of your life. There's your nervous system, which is helping you know, like, who are the right people for you?

Mel Robbins 45:41 Mm-hmm.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 45:41 What are the right tasks for you to engage in? And then there are your values, right? Like, does this align with how I want to show up in my life? These are three guides that can lead you to the best life possible.

Mel Robbins 45:54 How do you know which guide to listen to?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 45:56 Different, different moments, right? So, like, your intuition is like a slow, calm ebb. It's like a, like a wave that is slowly hitting the shore, and it's really consistent. I mean, my intuition was telling me to move to New York City months and months before I was ready. It was literally asking me to step outside of my comfort zone to open up a new chapter, and it did the same thing with writing. It was like, "Write. You know you're not healed, you know you're not fully wise, you know you have a ways to go, but reflect, share it openly." And it took me a while to listen. Your nervous system is there so you know when you're around the right people because your shoulders can relax, you can put your guard down. And your values, you know, like, kindness, compassion, honesty, whatever your values that really show up that mean a lot to you, you can check in and see, like, "Are my, uh, uh, are my actions aligning with my values?"

Mel Robbins 46:52 Why is it so hard for people to set boundaries and hold them?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 46:56 I wanna read you this passage, "Having boundaries will help your growth flourish. If you don't like someone, you don't have to be around them. You can wish them the best in your mind and go along your own way." I think boundaries are tricky, right? Because they're very useful, but you want to make sure that these boundaries don't become walls, because if you're building boundaries in a way where you're trying to avoid problem-solving, then you're building walls. But if you're trying to build boundaries that just help you feel a little more nourished and help you have space in your life so that you can breathe, and you're not avoiding problem-solving, then you're doing it right. But you have to measure it because your bound- like, the boundary that you're gonna have one year may not necessarily be what you're gonna need, like, two years from now.

Mel Robbins 47:50 How do you describe boundaries? Like, how do you think about them? I love the-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 47:53 Mm.

Mel Robbins 47:54 ... the fact that it's not a wall, but do you have a way that you describe what a boundary is-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 48:00 Mm.

Mel Robbins 48:00 ... in relation to you versus another person?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 48:04 Yeah, I think it's just, it's simple. It's, like, just what you're willing to accept and not accept. I think, um, if, you know, you're not gonna accept maltreatment. I think if there is, like, if someone's trying to speak to you in a way that's disrespectful, if they're trying to, um, just take from you and take and take constantly, and they're not giving anything, then there may be a person that you do want to help, but you can only help them so much. So you kinda have to just draw the line in the sand somewhere.

Mel Robbins 48:30 But I think a lot of people accept a lot of mistreatment-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 48:35 Oh, yeah.

Mel Robbins 48:35 ... and a lot of disrespect, and so what is somebody actually struggling with if they are not able to draw a line in the sand when they know they're in a situation-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 48:50 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 48:50 ... where they're being disrespected or mistreated?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 48:53 That person is in dire need of more self-love, because self-love means embracing your power, and it means saying no to people-pleasing. I think people-pleasing is, like, just a, a giant thing that's happening globally, and it's not the same as compassion.

Mel Robbins 49:07 Let's talk about people-pleasing 'cause I think about the inability to say no-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 49:11 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 49:11 ... or the fear of disappointing somebody as the same discomfort that not having a drink, not having a joint-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 49:23 Mm.

Mel Robbins 49:23 ... putting down the phone-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 49:24 Yeah. (laughs)

Mel Robbins 49:24 ... sitting with yourself-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 49:25 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 49:25 ... it's the same thing.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 49:27 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 49:27 The reason why we-... please other people, and we can't say no, and we put up with treatment that is disrespectful-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 49:36 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 49:36 ... is because we can't handle the emotions-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 49:39 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 49:39 ... that we think we're going to feel if we stand up to somebody-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 49:43 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 49:43 ... if we disappoint somebody. Like, I think that's what's at the heart of it.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 49:48 Totally. And I would add to that too, is that we forget that we're hunter-gatherers. We forget that we used to exist in tribes. So, I think part of the mode of people-pleasing is that we don't want to be kicked out of the herd, right? There's, there's a fear of solitude there, that, "What if you're all alone and your friends don't wanna be friends with you anymore, or your partner doesn't wanna be with you anymore?" So, part of us, like, leans into people-pleasing because we just wanna be part of the group.

Mel Robbins 50:15 Mm-hmm. We wanna get along.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 50:17 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 50:17 But you're here to say that's what's creating chaos in your life.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 50:20 Totally, that there's a balance. There's that subtlety, that theme of subtlety keeps coming up, where you can be in service of others while simultaneously being in service of yourself.

Mel Robbins 50:32 How do you know when you've found your people?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 50:35 I think it's just this beautiful moment where it is easy for you to laugh together, it's easy for you to feel seen, and you feel like you can bring forward your vulnerability and think about things together without being heavily judged.

Mel Robbins 50:53 Would you share that passage that you wrote about this?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 50:58 Sure. "If you are wondering who your people are, they are the ones who make your heart feel seen and your nervous system feel calm. Yes, it's that simple."

Mel Robbins 51:15 It is that simple, isn't it?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 51:16 It is. I think there are so many things that we overcomplicate, but I think there are times where, like, "Does this person just feel good to be around?"

Mel Robbins 51:24 You know, with everything that you've learned and shared, I mean, 13,000 hours of meditation-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 51:29 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 51:30 ... millions and millions of people that follow you online and read your work, what does it really take to build a good life, in your opinion?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 51:42 I think there's two, two key elements, and we've talked about both, but when you combine them together, it really helps you flow through life in a way where it becomes smoother to achieve your goals. And I think that's embracing growth and embracing change. I think when you really embrace change, you can't accrue tension, the stress that we were talking about, the anxiety, where you may feel that stress and anxiety pop up from time to time. But then you remember that you control what you can control, and what you can't control, you let it go, you let it flow. And when you accept the fact that there are habits that you can build that can make your life easier, what you need to do is figure out which ones you wanna put energy into and then repeat them. Through repetition, they become second nature.

Mel Robbins 52:32 You know, when you keep talking about fighting change, I, I can't help but think about this visual-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 52:37 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 52:38 ... of being at an ocean-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 52:40 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 52:40 ... and standing in the water-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 52:42 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 52:42 ... and trying to punch the waves as they come-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 52:46 Literally. Literally.

Mel Robbins 52:46 ... as if they're going to somehow disappear.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 52:49 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 52:50 It seems so absurd-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 52:52 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 52:52 ... to fight against-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 52:54 (laughs)

Mel Robbins 52:54 ... the tide and the waves of change-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 52:57 I'm glad. (laughs)

Mel Robbins 52:57 ... and yet we do it, when the alternati- alternative is, is to climb up on a raft-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 53:04 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 53:04 ... and just ride the waves of... as they come.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 53:07 That's the exact image I see in my mind too. It's like, if this universe is a river that's always flowing forward, then attachment is me trying to stand there against the current. I'm gonna get knocked down. Like, literally. And I'm talking about the old school of attachment, right? Attachment in the sense of craving for things to exist in a very particular way. You're just not gonna beat the universe. The universe is just gonna keep flowing forward, and you'll eventually get knocked down. So, let go where you can let go. Let me read you something that, when I posted it, so many people resonated with. "How do you build a good life? Relentlessly follow your intuition. Build with people who also love to grow. Take responsibility for your healing. Love yourself so deeply that you feel at home in your own body and mind. Teach yourself to forgive. Never stop being a kind person."

Mel Robbins 54:09 So beautiful. I get a lot of questions about how to know when it's your intuition-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 54:17 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 54:18 ... versus your fear.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 54:20 Yeah. So, the int-

Mel Robbins 54:21 I would imagine, I would imagine 13,000-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 54:24 (laughs)

Mel Robbins 54:24 ... hours of meditation-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 54:24 It's bec- it's become clear.

Mel Robbins 54:25 ... you think about-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 54:26 It's become clearer. Yeah.

Mel Robbins 54:26 ... a lot of these little things, right?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 54:29 Yeah, totally. It's, um, a lot of the sounds the mind makes, a lot of the thoughts that pop up in the head are just the echoes of reaction, or even the echoes of past pain. So, intuition is not very mental. It's very bodily, right?

Mel Robbins 54:46 Mm-hmm.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 54:46 It's, it's coming more so from your core, and it's pointing you in a particular direction. And, you know, my intuition, like, my craving is telling me, "Oh, I would love to have some ice cream tonight." That's not my intuition. That, my intuition is more so focused on bigger things. And I've noticed over time that it's more so focused on trying to open up your next chapter as opposed to the day-to-day situation.

Mel Robbins 55:11 I kind of have a similar way that I distinguish between fear and intuition. Intuition, like you said, for me, is always centered kind of either here in the stomach or the heart.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 55:23 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 55:23 Fear is full body, or it's more, it's loud, it's chatter-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 55:28 Yeah, the chatter. Yeah.

Mel Robbins 55:28 ... it's this, that. And the other thing is, is I notice that fear always brings tension and friction and makes me feel...... depleted-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 55:40 Mm.

Mel Robbins 55:40 ... and small?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 55:41 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 55:42 And intuition, even if it makes me nervous, feels expansive.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 55:49 Yes. I was literally gonna say that word. If, it's trying to help you expand.

Mel Robbins 55:52 Yeah.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 55:53 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 55:53 And, and there's an energy to it. Even if you're nervous about it-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 55:59 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 55:59 ... there is something about the expansive nature of, "Well, what if," or, "Imagine a world where," or, "Just head over there." So, I agree with you. It-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 56:10 I love that.

Mel Robbins 56:10 ... it feels more directional rather than specific-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 56:13 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 56:13 ... whereas fear is, like, loud and super specific.

Mel Robbins 56:16 What are the three healthiest habits that everyone listening or watching should learn in order to improve their lives?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 56:24 Hm. The three healthiest habits to learn, number one, being grateful for the little things, two, noticing when your nervous system is overwhelmed and responding by saying no to anything new that would consume your energy, and number three, don't hide your love. Let your friends and family know how much you care about them.

Mel Robbins 56:49 I love these three habits because, number one, they're subtle.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 56:53 Hm.

Mel Robbins 56:54 But the impact they have is profound. And so as you hear those three right now, or you're watching right now, I want you to really think about how simple this would be.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 57:07 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 57:07 And what a big impact it would be. Number one, being grateful for the little things. And let's do this right now. This is, this is how simple this is.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 57:14 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 57:15 What is something y- little that you're grateful for?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 57:18 Oh, my gosh. I think I'm always really grateful for natural spring water. Whenever I can really have some natural water, I th- it just tastes so good and is so nourishing. And honestly, the first thing that came to mind is I'm so grateful for my Toyota RAV4.

Mel Robbins 57:36 (laughs)

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 57:36 It is so freaking reliable.

Mel Robbins 57:39 (laughs)

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 57:39 And it just never breaks. It's, it always does its job. And I, m- in my mind, I have a hard time giving it up because it's just, it just works too well.

Mel Robbins 57:49 And as you're listening to us, I want you to think of something specific, small, second habit. Notice when your nervous system is overwhelmed and respond by saying no to anything new that would consume your energy. And this is also one of those subtle things, whether it's being overwhelmed at work and somebody-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 58:08 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 58:08 ... asking you if you can cover their shift.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 58:10 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 58:11 And you, as a people pleaser, would normally be like, "Yeah, yeah, okay, okay, okay," even though you don't want to-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 58:16 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 58:17 ... learning to take a beat and notice that you're overwhelmed and saying no-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 58:21 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 58:22 ... that is a subtle but powerful moment where you create peace for yourself instead of creating chaos in order to please somebody else.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 58:34 Right. Part of reclaiming your power so that you can have real inner peace is having a good understanding of what your capacity is.

Mel Robbins 58:41 I think another example of this is just invitations that you feel obligated.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 58:47 Mm.

Mel Robbins 58:48 Whether it's going to a fundraiser or helping somebody do something, there are times when you do that because it fills you up.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 58:56 Right.

Mel Robbins 58:56 But if you're in a place where things are really chaotic and you're overwhelmed and your nervous system is fried-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 59:02 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 59:03 ... learning how to pause and say no is a habit that creates peace for you just in the saying of the no.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 59:08 Yeah. And sometimes, the invitations aren't just physical. Sometimes, the invitations are emotional.

Mel Robbins 59:13 Give me one.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 59:13 When someone is trying to invite you into their anger. They just got home from work, they're super irritated by what happened, and you can feel that in their irritation, they want you to join them. But for the sake of your own peace, you can find that subtle place where you can, sure, listen to whatever their gripe is, whatever happens, but choose to live in your peace as opposed to joining them in their tension.

Mel Robbins 59:37 Oh. Another good one's gossip.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 59:40 Hm, yeah.

Mel Robbins 59:40 Like when people are joining you in that emotionally destructive practice-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 59:45 Oh, totally.

Mel Robbins 59:45 ... of trashing someone else-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 59:47 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 59:47 ... in order to make themselves feel good or to bond with you.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 59:50 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 59:51 I love how you can just let them have that thing that they're doing, their emotions-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 59:55 Right.

Mel Robbins 59:56 ... their habit, but you can protect yourself from joining in.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:00:00 Right. And especially if it's someone that you love, you can see them in their moment without becoming them, without just doing exactly what they're doing.

Mel Robbins 1:00:07 Mm.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:00:07 I think that's one of my personal big goals for this year is to just live in my peace as opposed to joining other people's tension.

Mel Robbins 1:00:15 One of my big things this year, honestly, is saying no. Like-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:00:20 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 1:00:20 ... just focusing-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:00:21 Totally.

Mel Robbins 1:00:21 ... coming out of launching the Let Them Theory book and just ending the leg of the tour in 2025-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:00:28 Right.

Mel Robbins 1:00:29 ... the natural thing to do would be to do the next thing.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:00:32 Yeah, yeah.

Mel Robbins 1:00:33 But for me, noticing that I'm already overwhelmed and tired, and I don't wanna do more.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:00:40 Right.

Mel Robbins 1:00:40 So, saying no to anything that is more this year-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:00:45 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 1:00:45 ... that's a great way for me to create peace in my life. And I, and as you're listening or watching this, I want you to think about, what are some things you could say no to? Who are the people that emotionally always drain you?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:00:59 Right.

Mel Robbins 1:01:00 And how can you let them have their space and their suffering, or their tension, or their anger, but not join in with it? Protect yourself. I l- what a great habit.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:01:09 I think it's really important. And, and you have to realize too that your best work, the next great thing that you will do in your life, will not come from a place of exhaustion. It's gonna come from a place of this reservoir of rest, reservoir of calm. And when you can just let yourself breathe, this, the mind can connect in new ways where you can, you know, produce something of great service.

Mel Robbins 1:01:33 Well, and I think we all have had the experience where, if you've been lucky enough to have a break from work-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:01:38 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 1:01:39 ... or to go away on vacation-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:01:40 Mm.

Mel Robbins 1:01:40 ... or take a staycation and not actually do something-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:01:43 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 1:01:44 ... near the end of those moments away-People tend to make big life changes when they're walking on a beach, or they're out in the woods-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:01:52 Right.

Mel Robbins 1:01:52 ... or they're away from the chaos, because you have a sense of peace where you can see things more clearly.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:01:58 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 1:01:58 And what we're talking about today is how to create that peace in small moments every day-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:02:06 Right.

Mel Robbins 1:02:06 ... so that you can see things more clearly. You don't have to escape your life or go on a fancy vacation-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:02:12 Right.

Mel Robbins 1:02:13 ... in order to create that space and that calmness to really get clarity about what you wanna do next, or what changes you wanna make, or who you wanna become.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:02:24 Right. Just a simple moment of silence, going on a short little walk, all these things that you can do for yourself that are quiet moments. Literally pouring yourself some tea. Like, having these moments of presence can make you come in contact with your truth, and then gain that energy to make a change.

Mel Robbins 1:02:44 And the final habit, don't hide your love. This is so beautiful. Let your friends and family know how much you care about them.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:02:52 Yeah, this is one of my favorite lessons that I've learned from studying change through meditation, literally studying change within the framework of the body, is that we have this really combative relationship with change, right? We, we fight change. We hate change sometimes because we deeply crave for all the things that we like to always stay the same, but then we forget that change is what's allowing everything to exist. Like, if the universe were static, you and I would not be having this conversation. So, change is allowing all these beautiful opportunities to appear in front of us. So, to me, when I think about change and I'm spending time with my parents or spending time with my partner, these are beautiful moments that are right in front of me that I should spend time in these moments, not just thinking about something else. So, arriving into these moments with a greater sense of presence really helps me enjoy them at a new level.

Mel Robbins 1:03:49 You know, you say we have a combative relationship with change-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:03:51 Oh, yeah.

Mel Robbins 1:03:51 ... I think we have a combative relationship with love-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:03:54 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 1:03:54 ... because we spend most of our time with the people that we care about most-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:03:59 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 1:03:59 ... either taking our emotions out on them, or wishing they would be different-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:04:03 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 1:04:04 ... or being frustrated by who they are. And one thing that has changed my life for the better, obviously, learning people, to let people be who they are and who they're not. But in that space of acceptance, really being proactive-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:04:22 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 1:04:23 ... about expressing love-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:04:25 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 1:04:25 ... because we all sit back and we're like, "Why are they nah nah nah nah?"

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:04:28 (laughs)

Mel Robbins 1:04:28 And we expect it from other people.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:04:30 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 1:04:30 And then we think we're giving a ton of love by trying to change people and tell people what to do, and buy them things hoping they'll do other things for us-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:04:37 Right.

Mel Robbins 1:04:38 ... versus just expressing how much we care about somebody, what we're proud of in terms of what we see-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:04:47 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 1:04:48 ... them doing, and being the person that goes first in that, because I've found-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:04:52 Right.

Mel Robbins 1:04:52 ... the more that I express the things that I really admire, or I'm proud of, or I need from somebody else, it comes back tenfold. It starts with you.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:05:02 Totally.

Mel Robbins 1:05:03 How do you radiate peace, and how does that create more peace in your life and relationships?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:05:15 The people with the best vibe are the ones who radiate peace. They intentionally heal their generational trauma, and they are not interested in harming anyone. The energy in the room changes when they enter because they treat people with compassion. I think people can just feel you, right? If you are tense, if your mind is full of friction, if there are so many parts of you that remain unprocessed and unhealed, you can feel that tension in someone next to you. But when you are radiating that peace of someone who is, who knows what they're working on, who is actually taking steps forward, then people are gonna feel calmer around you because you know that you're moving forward with a mindset of compassion, as opposed to a mindset of ego.

Mel Robbins 1:06:02 What I think we've gotten wrong about power is that people think it's the loudest person.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:06:07 Oh, yeah.

Mel Robbins 1:06:08 The richest person.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:06:09 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 1:06:09 It's actually the most peaceful person-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:06:11 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 1:06:11 ... that is the most powerful person in the room.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:06:13 Absolutely. Absolutely. And, and a peaceful mind is a powerful mind. When someone really has access to their own peace, their creativity soars. They're able to increase their capacity and they're able to connect much more deeply.

Mel Robbins 1:06:29 You tell people to face the storm and evolve from it.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:06:33 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 1:06:33 What does that actually look like in real life, and how do you do that?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:06:37 Mm-hmm. I wanna read you this passage. "They asked her, 'How do you get through tough moments?' She answered, 'Do not trust the way you see yourself when your mind is turbulent, and remember that even pain is temporary. Honor your boundaries, treat yourself gently, let go of perfection, and feel your emotions without letting them control you. You have enough experiences to face the storm and evolve from it.'" Hmm.

Mel Robbins 1:07:13 I love the, "Do not trust the way you see yourself when your mind is turbulent. And remember that even pain is temporary."

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:07:19 Oh, yeah. When- when you're going through a down moment, that is not the time to do self-analysis.

Mel Robbins 1:07:24 (laughs)

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:07:25 If your emotions are turbulent, if your sort of view is cloudy and gray, that's the time for you to treat yourself gently, for you to not be judgmental about yourself or other people. And, uh, it even helps to, like, let the people around you know that you're going through a tough day, and just move forward with a sense of kindness towards yourself and others.

Mel Robbins 1:07:49 So, Diego, if you had to give someone a prompt-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:07:52 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 1:07:53 ... so if the person listening is either-... at a moment where they're recognizing they really want to step out of the chaos and create more inner peace in their life, or they're gonna share this with somebody in their life-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:08:09 Mm.

Mel Robbins 1:08:10 ... that they really hope can embrace what you're teaching us today. Is there a journal prompt that you could use today, right now-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:08:23 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 1:08:23 ... that you could share with the person listening or watching?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:08:26 I think one of the best journal prompts that you can work on is a combination of two things. One is, "What are the patterns of the past that were holding me back?" And two is, "What am I doing differently now that is making my life better?" Because we don't give us- give ourselves enough credit, because oftentimes, we're so judgmental and we don't realize that already we've taken steps forward into a better life.

Mel Robbins 1:08:56 So, is... What are the patterns of the past kinda like, "What do I keep doing that I wanna stop doing?" Or, "What do I keep doing that is hurting me now?"

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:09:02 Right. Like, "What, what have I, what have I been doing in the past that has been making life difficult?"

Mel Robbins 1:09:07 Gotcha.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:09:07 Right? And then you-

Mel Robbins 1:09:08 And so you would have written down in your 20s, "I do too much drugs. I'm in a lot of pain. I keep telling myself-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:09:14 Right.

Mel Robbins 1:09:14 ... 'I'm okay,' and I'm not."

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:09:15 V- very attached, inflexible, avoiding my emotions, and trying to s- seek external validation."

Mel Robbins 1:09:21 Gotcha.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:09:22 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 1:09:23 And then what was the second one?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:09:25 The second one is, "What steps forward have I already taken?" Because we don't give ourselves enough credit. Because oftentimes when... Even when we want to move in a better direction, like, we've already started drifting in that better direction and it sometimes is unconscious. And I think we're way, way, way too hard on ourselves and we need to realize, like, these tiny little steps that I'm taking, they matter.

Mel Robbins 1:09:49 And acknowledging those.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:09:49 Yeah. They need to be celebrated.

Mel Robbins 1:09:51 These are great prompts too, because as we've already talked about, every single day, (laughs) there are constant moments that creep in-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:09:59 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 1:10:00 ... where you're causing suffering because you're getting-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:10:02 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 1:10:02 ... stressed out about things-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:10:04 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 1:10:04 ... you're frustrated about things, you're trying to control things behind your control-

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:10:07 Right.

Mel Robbins 1:10:08 ... which is always something that you can journal about and recognize and notice.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:10:13 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 1:10:13 And recognizing it helps you become more masterful at just letting it go when it comes.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:10:19 Yeah. And being honest, pen to paper, that can really help build your self-awareness. And self-awareness is the essential foundation of personal transformation.

Mel Robbins 1:10:29 Why?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:10:30 Because y- if I can't see myself, I can't change.

Mel Robbins 1:10:35 And you can't see yourself (laughs) unless you're observing.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:10:37 Yeah. Yeah. Exactly.

Mel Robbins 1:10:39 What are your parting words?

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:10:41 Oh. I'm just wishing so much joy and peace to whoever's listening, especially if you're going through a really difficult moment. I've been there, you've been there, we've all been there. But just understand that there's so much more in the next chapter for you. So, keep pushing forward. One tiny step will really make a difference.

Mel Robbins 1:11:02 Well, I'll tell you what made a difference, is having you here today in our Boston studios. Thank you, thank you, thank you for all the work that you do, for the books that you write, for being here, for being you.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:11:14 Mm.

Mel Robbins 1:11:15 I'm so grateful that you came and I cannot wait to see the difference that this conversation makes in people's lives all over the world.

Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo) 1:11:23 Ah, thank you so much, Mel. It's a huge honor to be here with you. Thank you for being a source of inspiration in my life and for just showing the power of service.

Mel Robbins 1:11:33 You're welcome. You're welcome. And I also wanna thank you and I wanna acknowledge you. I think it's really cool that you took the time to listen to something that's not only gonna help you create a better life, but will help you create more peace in the life that you already have right now. And there's no doubt in my mind that if you apply the things that Diego shared with you today, you will feel that peace. You probably already feel peaceful now. And the fact that you chose to listen to this, in my mind, is evidence that you are capable of doing what needs to be done to become the person that you really envision yourself being. And just know that your friend, Mel... I love you, in case no one else tells you that. I wanted to tell you I love you and I believe in you and I will be here cheering you on every step of the way. Alrighty. I will be waiting to welcome you in in the very next episode the moment you hit play. I'll see you there. (instrumental music plays) And thank you for watching all the way to the end. Thank you for being interested in learning more about your own happiness and healing and ways that you can be more peaceful. And thank you for being generous and sharing this with people that you care about in your life. I know you're thinking, "All right. What should I watch next?" Well, the thing that you should watch next is this video. And I'll be waiting to welcome you into it the moment you hit play. I'll see you there.