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Start Putting Yourself First: Tools to Say No Without Guilt or Drama | The Mel Robbins Podcast

Order your copy of The Let Them Theory 👉 https://melrob.co/let-them-theory 👈 The #1 Best Selling Book of 2025 🔥 Discover how much power you truly have. It all begins with two simple words. Let Them. — In this episode, you are going to learn how to put yourself first. Being a #peoplepleaser is a coping mechanism and it is destroying your energy, your time, your #dreams, and your sanity. Every time you say yes to something you don’t really want to do, you’re saying no to yourself. Today, we’re changing that in a surprising way. Learn the science-backed tools you need to break the habit of always putting other people’s needs before your own. Xo Mel In this episode, you'll learn: 00:00 Intro 02:23 What the heck IS people-pleasing anyway? 06:07 I bet you can relate to Janet who learned this message as a kid. 07:12 Let’s just get the bad news about guilt out of the way. 08:38 Because here is some good news about guilt! 11:03 What does a pool table have to do with people-pleasing? 16:38 I still cringe when I think of this phone call with my father. 26:35 What happens when your friends don’t like the “new you”? 27:52 At the heart of people-pleasing is this. 28:38 This research explains why we avoid discomfort. 30:23 Think people-pleasing is about others? Think again. 32:28 The surprising advice for how to handle disappointment from others. 34:30 What if your lifestyle is now different from your friends? 39:06 Please stop looking here for validation as you change your life. 42:51 Do this to start figuring out who you really are. 45:46 Do this next time you’re asked to do something you don’t want to do. 47:20 Here’s how my friend Amy reacted when I had to bail on her at dinner in Vegas. 52:39 This is what happens every time you start to say no. — Follow Mel: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melrobbins/ TikTok: http://tiktok.com/@melrobbins Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/melrobbins LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melrobbins Website: http://melrobbins.com​ — Sign up for Mel’s newsletter: https://melrob.co/sign-up-newsletter A note from Mel to you, twice a week, sharing simple, practical ways to build the life you want. — Subscribe to Mel’s channel here: https://www.youtube.com/melrobbins​?sub_confirmation=1 — Listen to The Mel Robbins Podcast 🎧 New episodes drop every Monday & Thursday! https://melrob.co/spotify https://melrob.co/applepodcasts https://melrob.co/amazonmusic — Looking for Mel’s books on Amazon? Find them here: The Let Them Theory: https://amzn.to/3IQ21Oe The Let Them Theory Audiobook: https://amzn.to/413SObp The High 5 Habit: https://amzn.to/3fMvfPQ The 5 Second Rule: https://amzn.to/4l54fah

Mel RobbinshostJanetguestCourtneyguestAnnaguestNellaguestAmyguest
Feb 27, 202355mWatch on YouTube ↗

CHAPTERS

  1. 0:00 – 2:23

    Intro

  2. 2:23 – 6:07

    What the heck IS people-pleasing anyway?

  3. 6:07 – 7:12

    I bet you can relate to Janet who learned this message as a kid.

  4. 7:12 – 8:38

    Let’s just get the bad news about guilt out of the way.

  5. 8:38 – 11:03

    Because here is some good news about guilt!

  6. 11:03 – 16:38

    What does a pool table have to do with people-pleasing?

  7. 16:38 – 26:35

    I still cringe when I think of this phone call with my father.

  8. 26:35 – 27:52

    What happens when your friends don’t like the “new you”?

  9. 27:52 – 28:38

    At the heart of people-pleasing is this.

  10. 28:38 – 30:23

    This research explains why we avoid discomfort.

  11. 30:23 – 32:28

    Think people-pleasing is about others? Think again.

  12. 32:28 – 34:30

    The surprising advice for how to handle disappointment from others.

  13. 34:30 – 39:06

    What if your lifestyle is now different from your friends?

  14. 39:06 – 42:51

    Please stop looking here for validation as you change your life.

  15. 42:51 – 45:46

    Do this to start figuring out who you really are.

  16. 45:46 – 47:20

    Do this next time you’re asked to do something you don’t want to do.

  17. 47:20 – 52:39

    Here’s how my friend Amy reacted when I had to bail on her at dinner in Vegas.

  18. 52:39 – 55:18

    This is what happens every time you start to say no.

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